Original subtitles

That sounds like Harry's truck, Steph. You'd better hurry. Archie's back.

Okay, I'm ready.

Wait. No, I'm not. I forgot my hair dryer.

Well, why don't you just leave one thing behind so we know you'll be back?

Oh, come on. I see you're back.

Where's the kids, Archie? We've got to beat that traffic.

I mean, every college kid in the city's going to be driving out there to the

Hamptons for another weekend of groping.

Will you stop complaining?

You didn't have to drive.

Stephanie's grandmother did offer to hire a car to pick her up. Oh, no, no,

car. Gee, it's bad enough she's going out there for a whole week in

without driving out in a limousine.

Yeah, imagine the humiliation.

Hey, listen to this humiliation.

Driving along in one of them big, long funeral cars.

All the people in the streets gawking at you.

And sneering at you through the mirror is a high -toned colored guy in a cap.

All right, good night, kid.

Is that really why you're taking Stephanie?

Or are you just a wee bit curious to see the house?

Oh, come on, I don't give a damn about Estelle Harris's hurdy -turdy magic.

Hey, come on, Uncle Archie, let's get a move on.

Get the bags here. Geez, I don't see why you have to go out there for a week.

Wouldn't overnight be enough?

Have a good time.

Okay, thanks.

I want to spend all the time I can with Grandma.

This time I'm going to ask Grandma all the questions I can about my mother.

Something wrong?

No, no, no.

What? No, I mean, nothing I can't handle.

All right.

Bye -bye.

Yeah, bye.

Yeah, bye.

Leaning on the best. This better be important.

Deliveries in the rear.

I told you.

Oh, you must be Stephanie.

Is this man bothering you?

No, he's my Uncle Archie.

You're the one I've been hearing so much about.

Archie Bunker. The very same there, sis. Hold it, hold it. Poor kid.

I'm coming in.

By the way, we ain't poor, see?

I make a good living, we live pretty good.

Of course, we ain't got no old family restrainer opening the door.

You're finally here.

Hi, Grandma.

Sorry we're late. Uncle Archie had trouble with Harry's truck.

You brought this little angel out here in a truck?

What do you think he is, a sack of potatoes?

You see that?

You know something, lady? You're beginning to get on my nerves.

Archie, this is Mrs. Isaacson, and she has been with me for years.

Yeah, that shows.

You ain't no Ricardo Montalbem, you know.

Where are the bags?

Oh, they're on the stoop there, Estelle. Maybe you could have your servant here

and go and get them, huh?

And be careful of the stripey one. He's got a broken head. Where's she going up

the stairs?

Albert will get the bags later.

Oh, Stephanie, it's so good to see you.

You too, Grandma. You know, this house is really fantastic.

Yeah, you said a mouthful there, kid. No, it truly is there, Estelle. Gee,

a beautiful place. Look at the staircase there. Well, thank you, Archie. I find

it very comfortable.

This must be a relationship, huh? Very interesting.

Gee, what a lovely place, huh?

Now, listen.

The kid's going to be asking you a lot of touchy questions. She told me so.

Whatever you do, don't let her mother was in the family way before she got

married. You think you have to tell me that?

Oh, no, I ain't worried about you, but you's got a lot of people running in and

out of here, you know? People talk, especially this one over here with the

mouth. And she's got big ears, too.

Oh, okay, honey, look, I gotta be on my way. Just remember this, that after your

week of putting on a ritzy, you're gonna have to come home to your old plain

folks, Uncle Archie. How could she forget that? Let me show you the door.

Yeah, I can see the door.

Honey, just a little word of advice.

You know, you can talk to your grandma all you want, but don't say much to your

old bad kid, you know?

I haven't been to see you for a whole week, so give me a nice little kiss.

Goodbye, Archie. Yes, yes. Goodbye, Estelle, and I'll be seeing you soon.

And you, goodbye forever.

Now. Luella, would you get Albert?

Sure. Albert!

Albert's a little hard of hearing.

Albert! Oh, this is going to be such fun.

First, I've invited some friends for dinner tonight.

Just because I couldn't wait to show you all.

Will there be a lot of people?

No. There'll be Lauren and Ira Epstein. He's my banker. And my neighbor's

General Thompson and his wife.

Banker and a general here?

All in your honor.

And, of course, there'll be your cousin Sophie.

Who's Sophie?

You don't remember Cousin Sophie?

We... She and your mother... Oh, Stephanie.

It has been a long time, hasn't it?

Well, the really important thing is that you're here.

And nothing is going to be allowed to spoil that.

Please tell me you just have to use the bathroom.

Yeah, I gotta do that. But, I mean, it ain't killing me yet.

The important thing is I gotta use your telephone.

No. Uh, Harry's truck. It won't go.

How I wish you hadn't said that.

What's the matter with it?

I don't know, honey.

I ain't Mr.

Goodwench. All I know is I gotta put my hand in my own pocket that freaks

Harry's clunk.

It's Sunday.

We won't be able to find a mechanic in Manhattan.

Then how am I supposed to get back to Astoria? Well, my neighbor, General

Thompson, has a fable full of horses. Do you ride?

I would never under no circumstances put a large animal between my legs.

I'm sorry I brought it in.

I found Albert asleep halfway up the ladder.

Are you still here?

No, lady, I'm just a pigment of your imagination.

Albert, this is Mr.

Bunker. Would you help him get his truck started?

His duck did what?

Seems I'd be better off with a horse.

No, Albert.

He has a truck.

I saw the truck. Where's the duck?

Chunk the duck. Fix the truck.

Okay, I'll get my ladder.

Albert came to the house.

He looks like he came with the land.

Well, you got the bags?

Pain is something that you just learn to live with.

It's all right. We'll do it.

Good. I'll hold the door.

Oh, Stephanie.

You know who you remind me of? He's just lovely.

Lovely, lovely.

Thank you very much.

This is a screwdriver, Albert. I asked you for a wrench. I ain't got no wrench.

How about a ladder?

Bunker? All that heat behind the house.

Now.

pictures. You know, at first I thought they were pictures of me. And then I

realized they're pictures of my mom, aren't they?

Yes, they are.

I really look like her, don't I?

Yes.

She looks like my age in this one.

And she's singing at a piano. I didn't know she could play the piano.

Oh, yes, she could.

Why don't we see if there's something we can find to help Mrs. Isaacson in the

kitchen? Grandma, can't we just look at these pictures for a little while?

No, no.

We have to be ready for our guests.

I'm sorry, everybody, but this old man knows about machinery like I know about

groin ecology.

You can't start the truck.

No, no.

Look at this guy.

He said he knew how to fix a carburetor.

No, I didn't. I said I could fix a refrigerator.

Did you see a refrigerator parked in that drive?

No. I was too busy looking for your duck.

This here is what turned Mr. Regan against Social Security.

Archie, I will find some way to get you home tonight.

Why don't we send him Federal Express?

Okay.

I'll pay for it.

It don't make no difference. I can't leave here without Harry's truck.

I'd only have to come all the way back out here again and get it, wouldn't I?

And I ain't got that kind of time to spare.

My presence at my place of business is absolutely indefensible.

Oh, I could have guessed that.

Well,

why not stay here until tomorrow? Then the mechanic can come and fix the truck.

Oh, I hate that.

But then under the circumstances, I guess I got no other choice.

Harris, does that mean we got no other choice?

I'm afraid Mr. Bunker will be joining us for dinner.

Lula, can you get him into some other clothes?

You want me to dress him?

No, no.

You ain't gonna touch me, no part of me.

Just show me the dyes. I'll put them on myself.

All right, come this way.

I hope you don't mind wearing Mr.

Harris's clothes.

I don't care, as long as it ain't the suit he croaked in.

You know something here, Estelle? This whole thing might be a way to call a

blessing in disguise.

Of course, now I have a chance not only to eat your great cuisine there, but I

also got a chance to meet some of your swanky friends.

And they thought they had horror in Amityville.

You must have heard that in the army there, General.

There's no bad luck sitting in a dead man's chair as long as you're wearing a

dead man's clothes.

Ha, ha, ha. You never heard that one, Stella.

Mr. Bunker, are you finally through, or are you waiting for a fourth helping?

As a matter of fact, my eyes was too big for the third helping, you know. But

you know what you can do?

You can get a doggie bag for this, you know, because I won't believe it.

I've been living for that moment.

All things considered, Ira, a hundred billion is a fair price for the MX

missile. Even though the dense bacteria is unproven?

Pardon me there, Mr. Weinstein.

Yep. Whatever.

But. I got a side with the general over here.

You know, we, meaning my buddies and me, we proved out that dense pack theory in

WWII. Really?

Oh, yes, sir.

When my battalion hit that beach at Anzio, me and my buddies, all us guys,

bunched up in a dense pack.

I want to tell you.

He was as dense as any human beings you ever see.

How interesting.

And you found that to be an effective deterrent to enemy fire?

Oh, very much so, dear.

The only thing is you had to be careful that you wasn't one of the dopes in the

front line of the dense pack.

Oh, Archie, don't you think that Stephanie is looking particularly

tonight? Ah, yeah, she looks darling down there.

But a little too grown up, don't you think?

I can't believe how much she looks like her mother.

She's the mirror image of Marilyn.

It's uncanny.

Do you really mean it? Oh, I should say so. And I ought to know. We were thick

as thieves when we were your age.

Was she like me in other ways, too?

Archie, what was it you were saying about the economy?

Ah, the what? Mr. Monty, you're a businessman, so you must agree that the

present unemployment rate is a burden.

we have to bear in order to reduce inflation.

Oh, yeah, that inflation, yeah, sure. Well, you know, the, what do you call

heaviest cost of this here inflation is resting on people who are the likes of

us, you know, who are sitting on very large private sectors.

Think about that.

You know, the penniless unemployed, see, they ain't got nothing left to lose, so

they ain't hurting no more.

Bunker, your ideas are basically sound.

You do have a rather unique way of stating it.

It's very unique.

The end of the line.

You know, that's the first kind word she said to me since I got here.

Shall we have our coffee?

Oh, yeah, that'd be great. Hey.

All right. Gee whiz.

Hey, whoop -dee -doo, coffee in another room is pretty classy, huh? Don't you do

that at home, Mr. Bunker. Oh, no, never coffee, but occasionally a little beer

by the TV, you know.

Hey, listen, I can't tell you something.

Could I talk with you for a second? Of course, honey, what about?

My mother.

Uncle Archer doesn't know too much about her.

Grandma won't tell me anything at all.

What was she like?

Oh, I loved your mother.

She was one of the sweetest friends I had.

She had a wonderful laugh.

Stephanie, you're the guest of honor this evening. You should be in the other

room. Oh, give us a minute, Estelle. Stephanie just wants to know a little

her mother. Well, of course she does, but now's not the time.

Come, Stephanie.

Estelle.

You're being silly.

You can no longer avoid talking about Marilyn.

It's not good for Stephanie and it's not good for you.

Sylvia, I appreciate your concern, but I really think I'm capable of handling my

own grandchildren.

There you are.

I stopped by your room to say goodnight.

I couldn't sleep.

You certainly made a great impression tonight.

Thank you.

Is something wrong?

Why wouldn't you let Cousin Sophie talk to me about my mother tonight?

Stephanie.

When you're older and better able to understand, then we'll talk.

Grandma, I'm older now.

Well, then, maybe tomorrow.

But now we need our rest, because we've got a busy week ahead of us.

I won't be here.

Stephanie.

I'm going home with Uncle Archie as soon as he gets his truck fixed tomorrow.

Please. Please don't leave.

If you won't talk to me, I don't want to be here.

It really means that much to you?

Yeah.

All right.

Your mother had a mind of her own, too.

Like me.

They were both very strong -willed.

Is that why you would fight?

Well, we always had our differences.

But it wasn't... It wasn't until... Until she met my father?

Oh, well.

That was one difference we could never resolve.

Because he wasn't Jewish?

Well, I didn't like that.

But that wasn't the main reason.

You see, I never felt that...

Floyd was good enough for your mother.

And I kept telling her. I kept pointing it out to her.

And I lost her.

How?

Well, I told her that if she went ahead and married Floyd, she would no longer

be welcome in this house.

Before I had a chance to take it back, she was gone.

You didn't cause the car accident, Grandma.

No, but if I'd been more understanding, if I'd known, then maybe when

the marriage went wrong, she might have come home with you.

If she'd had a home and a mother to come home to.

Grandma.

Don't blame yourself.

It's not your fault, Grandma.

Stephanie.

You're so like her.

I just don't want to lose you.

You won't, Grandma.

Well, I got the truck going again.

Watch the manicure.

Would it make me 60 bucks?

What for?

Well, a mechanic had to come out in the village, check over the truck, go back

to the village.

Pick up something important to put into the truck, come back out here again, put

it into the truck.

What was it?

Gas.

Who knows how many hours are left in that old truck.

Well, how many are left in your reader, for that matter?

Oh, Stella, yeah, before I go, just a little way of advice, huh?

If the two of you want to have a nice time here...

Just forget about the past, you know?

I love the past.

Grandma and I had a long talk about my mother last night.

Well, uh, then let me say something about your mama, who I never knew.

But it's what counts with me.

She wanted to have you.

And she did.

And she didn't have to.

So I'm lucky.

Huh? She didn't have to get married either.

Even when she knew I was on the way, she did it for me.

Who blew the lid off of this?

I think you just did.

They figured it out a long time ago.

They were married in January and I was born in May.

Then what was you trying to dig out of your grandmother here?

I just want to talk about important things.

Really important things.

Oh, really important things.

Yeah,

that's nice.

Is that nice?

Very nice.

Okay, okay.

I guess I better get going, huh?

Oh, God, I hate long goodbyes.

Goodbye,

honey. I'll see you soon. Goodbye, Estelle.

Thanks for everything, you know.

All I got to do now is hit the truck and locate the main drag.

Bunker, you're the main drag.

I ain't even going to dignify that. I would have been blind.