Original subtitles

Watch out.

Is that my birthday present?

I was going to surprise you.

I didn't know. Hey, it's your birthday, Raul. I forgot myself, but my family

reminded me.

Breakfast in bed, huh?

No. They let me use the bathroom first.

They only let you do that when it's your birthday or when you're dying.

Well, you ain't dying, so I guess it's happy birthday, Raul. I know.

Thanks.

Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?

What, am I too illegal smuggling something into my kitchen?

It's just something I made for Raul.

Today's his birthday.

Oh, your birthday, huh?

Well, happy birthday, Raul. I know.

Yeah. Well, let's see what you got for a present there.

I bet he'd give you personalized jumper cables.

Oh, boy.

Of course it is.

This is wonderful.

So true to my life.

You painted this, Jose?

It's beautiful.

What is beautiful about a dead fish sticking out of a newspaper?

Jose, I didn't know you were a painter.

Oh, yeah, it's just a hobby. I've been painting for years.

She painted for years?

She's came to paint something pretty?

It's very moving.

You know what I think we ought to do with it?

I know what I'd like to do with it, but I don't think it'd fit in the trailer.

I think it's great. Do you have any others?

Yeah, sure.

Well, Mr.

Sanborn, one of my instructors at night school, just finished a whole week on

the new primitive art.

I think yours is just as good.

I'll ask him to come down and take a look at what you've got. Oh, please,

please, huh?

I don't want no fag art exploit swishing around this establishment.

Mr. Sanborn is not like that. He happens to be very distinguished.

And he knows all the people in the galleries.

The galleries?

The galleries are like galleries.

Everybody's flying around.

Perfecto. Come on, Jose. Give us a look at him. Ah, no peeking. Not until Mr.

Sanborn comes.

Ah, come on. What is all this? Well, he said he'd be here at three o 'clock on

the button. Ah, what are you talking about on the button?

Gee, some of these artsy types don't even get up at 2 o 'clock.

And then, of course, they got to go to hairdressers, right?

Yes, they do. And then have the nails done a little bit whilst they're

to Judy Garland records.

And then, of course, there's that stop at the steam bath. And then if a

connection's made there, the next stop is Fire Island. You may never see the

fruit at all.

Hello, Mr.

Sanborn. Sorry I'm late.

I would have been here sooner, but there was a riot at the steam bath.

Could that be a lesson to you?

I take it from your description of your uncle that this is he?

What description does he mean?

Hi. This is the artist Jose.

So pleased to meet you.

I'm always on the lookout for new talent, and I can't wait to see your

paintings.

Okay, follow me.

Yeah, well, now, listen, I hope this ain't gonna take too long, Jose, you

This happens to be a place of business. I already docked you for the hour you

took setting all of this up.

Holy cow, it's all garbage.

I only paint what I see.

What do you mean what you see? You don't live in a city dump.

Close.

Well, Mr. Sanborn, what do you think?

I'm amazed. I don't think that in 20 years I have ever seen such an original

primitive.

I got another one of those standing right here.

Now, what I mean by the term primitive is a primordial and original approach to

such a commonplace subject.

Say.

Is that English?

I think it's Manhattan.

Midtown.

There's such a, how shall I say, Delacroix's innocence to this work. It

naive.

Very observant of you there, Mr.

What do you call it? Call me Chaz.

I can't.

All I want to know is if you really think this here garbage is good.

I am saying it is sublime.

Yeah, that too, but, uh, is it good?

It's very, very good.

I would like to arrange for a showing of your work at a gallery in Manhattan.

You're kidding.

Oh, say, your own showing, won't that be fabulous?

I personally would like to buy an original Finito.

An original what?

Finito. Isn't that your name?

Parasite.

What? This.

Oh, yeah, that. Well, you see, when a picture's completed, I put down finito.

Finished. That's how I know when it's done.

Well, you know modern artists today, they wouldn't know that what they done

done. Unless they done that.

See, please.

Don't bite my arm.

Of course, the gallery usually takes a 50 % commission on all work sold.

Oh, hold it, hold it.

Did I hear 50 %? 50 % is the customary arrangement. The rent is very high on

galleries in Soho.

Soho, ho, ho. I tell you what I think. You're into the swindle there.

50%. Come on, Jose.

I told you this art is only for suckers. Now, come on, please. Let's get back to

your original talent, huh?

Goulash nigger. Come on.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Why don't we have the show someplace that won't cost as much? Like where?

Like here.

No way, Jose.

Could we have it here? Why not? The Warhol crowd once held a showing in a

subway.

Well, geez, why don't you hold it in a subway then?

If you want to make it real thrilling, hold it on the tracks.

Just think about it for a minute.

A whole bar full of rich people.

drinking expensive wine.

What are you talking about? They'd have to bring their own wine. We don't serve

none of that here.

Well, then we'll buy some champagne. Mark it up 70%. You'll end up making

You think so?

Yes. And as long as Jose doesn't have to pay a gallery, I'm sure he wouldn't

mind giving you, say, uh... Uh, 2%. 2 %?

If it wasn't for me, you'd be back in the land with the green bananas and the

furry spiders that eat owls.

I would say that 20 % split evenly between Mr. Sanborn and Archie sounds

What do you think, Jose?

Yeah, that sounds okay.

These 12 paintings could easily bring in over $3 ,000.

Boy, I could live a whole year on that.

A year in luxury.

Archie, can we please have the show here?

Well, as long as it ain't gonna cost me nothing, I can afford it.

Wonderful. I'll take care of the publicity, and you, Mr. Bunker, you do

it is you do.

Shall we say Sunday at 3 o 'clock?

Say whatever time you want, anytime.

I'm Jose, but now we need to get back to the kitchen. Mr. Chris, sometimes great

art comes from great suffering.

You could be one of the great ones. Incredible things are happening in the

of art.

Very true. You know, I just read in the National Enquirer there that a gorilla

done a perfect likeness of President Nixon.

For men.

Fascinating.

Boy, I, uh, I don't know if I can handle this.

Does this mean you're going to sell Raul's birthday present?

That's okay.

But in that case, I really need four jumper cables.

I heard you.

Now listen, tell Harry and he'll turn up the heat if you should find yourself

getting cold.

Hey, you asked me twice and I said no.

Interesting, huh?

The arrangement of this refuse is almost rathodic. Don't you agree?

Yeah, you took the voice word out of my mouth.

Wonderfully primitive.

Yeah.

It's kind of naive.

You know?

You know, naive?

What does this painting suggest to you? Ten percent.

Of $400, this is $40 for me.

You better grab that if you want it, because all these things are moving very

fast. You are accepting American Express.

Oh, ain't that unfortunate.

That's the one car we cannot accept. We've got to take cash on the parallel.

Excuse us. Would you?

Jeez, let's try not to caress me, huh?

May I have a word with you?

Yeah, go ahead. You're the better.

Sometimes when people are studying a work of art, they like to be left alone.

Hey, listen, they ain't here to study. They're here to buy.

Let me tell you something about this kind of people. I never liked them, and

always will.

They're just a little offbeat, hmm?

You're telling me?

There's a guy back there that asked twice to paint me in a nude.

Don't mind Clarence. He asks everyone. Sometimes he gets lucky.

Hey,

Archie. Boy, what a swell party.

It's my kind of people.

Yeah, berserkers.

Hey,

Archie. Would it be possible, do you think, to put one of Jose's paintings on

tab?

No, Barney. Unfortunately, no tabs today.

We do take the American Express card.

Did you get that?

No. I left home without it.

You're the one, aren't you?

That depends. Are you from immigration?

No, no, no. Just a patron.

Oh, well, yeah. In that case, I'm the one.

Mr. Finito, I must know.

Why garbage?

Well, you see, it's like this.

The clothes you wear...

The food you eat. I mean, even the car that you drive.

Sooner or later, it all becomes garbage.

I just cut out the middleman.

Drink it.

Don't do that.

What are you looking at, Mr.

Renard? I have no idea.

Well,

trust me.

This is one of them days when it's just as well to be blind.

Well, isn't this a real success, Archie?

Jose just sold two more paintings at $250 each.

Does he get cash for them?

Archie, these people are very rich. They don't have cash.

Hi there.

You know something? In the right light, you could be Fay Wray.

Do you mind? I'm trying to appreciate this painting.

Oh, yeah. Boy, it's really a swell painting.

I love it. Reminds me of Grandma Moses.

Oh, Ken.

She must have been an ugly old broad.

Oh, gosh.

It goes pretty good.

I'll go share with you.

I don't leave.

Oh, I think I love you.

Congratulations, Jose.

We have just sold your last painting and we could have sold a dozen more. You

are a success.

How do you feel? Oh, it's great. I mean, I haven't felt this happy since the

hoot that let my mother go.

Jose, you don't have to work here anymore.

You should be devoting all of your time to creating new works of art.

Well, you know, All this excitement could just be a flash in my pants.

I don't think I can quit this job.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. I'm listening, no way. Don't be telling this

quit his job.

Jose needs time to paint.

I'll give Jose all the time in the world he needs to paint. Jose, you know what?

You can take a full hour for lunch.

Jose? Don't push us.

Jose, you just continue to paint this way and one day your name and garbage

be synonymous.

I just solved my immediate financial problems.

The guy in there wants me to model for him for 50 bucks.

Don't you know that he wants you in your birthday suit?

Why would he want me in my birthday suit?

It's all wrinkled.

Clarence will dress it for you.

Jose, I don't want to hear none of this.

Come on. The man said he'd pay you for this garbage. Start grinding it out.

Yeah, that's it. Now spread it around. Spread it around. You have to touch it

with your hands.

Okay, okay.

How is that, Jose? Is that garbagey enough for you?

It's just not right.

Now, hey, listen, I think we need you in the kitchen, unless, of course, apple

pie is supposed to smoke.

This is not fair.

I have to do the cooking while Jose sits on his can.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

You're probably just having a little block.

It's understandable.

Archie, he cannot rush his artwork.

I don't see nobody rushing him.

Since last week, he only done six pitches there. That only brings in $1

$150 for me.

Boss, I'm pacing as fast as I can.

Now, where do you want these?

Well, sprinkle them around, you know, make it a little...

That's nice.

I like that. Old stockings over a line, kind of thing.

I mean... Hey, look at that.

You like that better?

Yes.

It's okay, but, you know, I... I'm just not inspired.

Think of all the money you made here last week. Don't that inspire you?

All our money's gone.

Oh, holy cow.

Money runs through used people like a Mexican malted.

I paid all my bills.

Get out of here. I bet you run out and bought yourself one of them 300 -pound

radios.

Come on, you better start doing something if you ever want to make that

up to the lower class.

Something's just not right.

It's not right. Well, Mr. Sunboy is going to be here any minute. He's going

be looking for something to sell.

I know. I know.

That's better.

It was good for you. It was good for me, Jose.

If I was you, I'd start right away and capture that there.

You know?

Because, I mean, at 2 o 'clock, the sanitation is going to come and remove

marble line.

Hi.

Mr. Sanborn will be here any minute.

Great.

Hi there, Jose. You all done in there, huh?

I guess so. Listen, you better go out and stand by Raul.

I think he's setting fire to some more pies.

Oh, Mr.

Sunpoint of Jew.

Hi. Well, how's our brilliant new discovery today?

Tired. It ain't been easy.

Ah, the fruits of genius are seldom gathered from the lowest branch.

Beautiful voice.

Beautiful voice.

Whatever they mean.

A man who can quote for by -proclamations.

Let's take a look at your new paintings, Jose.

Yeah, come on, come on, let's go. Okay, I guess they're dry by now.

Yeah, he's got a whole... mess of new art out here.

Hey, I'll do the unavailability here.

There you go.

Now, what do you think?

This one here is my favorite.

Look at them garbanzo beans. I've never seen them look so real.

They'd almost give you gas looking at them. Jose, I couldn't show these to

anyone. You what?

The better.

What are you talking about?

Archie. I knew it wasn't going to work.

But the other ones, they were so good.

Yeah, well, I took my time with those.

I mean, I felt every beer can.

Every banana peel was a part of me.

I mean, it took me months to do sunset reflecting chicken fat.

But I gave you a whole lot of extra time so you could shine out some greater

lights. Yeah, but you can't just turn them off.

I mean, it ain't like making flapjacks. You know, before, I was painting for

myself. But all right, but now you're also painting for me at the same point,

and for money.

Yeah, well, that's just it. Now that I'm painting for money... I feel like a...

like a prostitute.

Gee, don't say a thing like that, Jose.

Come on.

I mean, if you were that, why would that make me?

This is my fault.

I should have reached out for your creative parameters.

That wouldn't have done you no good to touch him no place.

The man just ain't got it in him no more.

Do you think that you could get back the inspiration?

We shouldn't have rushed you, Jose. You can't tamper with the creative process.

You have to take your time, however long it takes.

And when you're ready, call me.

Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute there, Mr. Samba. Hey, listen.

Don't you think that maybe we could sell all of these anyway? You know, you kind

of call them irregulars.

Afraid not.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. Another thought just come to me, you know, all

Wouldn't all of these pictures be worth a lot more money if the artist was to

cut his ear off?

Come on, huh? You got two of them.