Original subtitles

I finally find something worth reading in this here rag. It says the Regents

might get their new China type of Thanksgiving. Ain't that lovely?

Lovely? Spending $200 ,000 on dishes when there are hungry people in this

country? Don't be giving me that left -wing crap, Paul. That ain't the way to

look at a thing like this.

Why not?

Oh, Mr. Van, because the China, that's going to last a lifetime. You know,

starving people, there's a rule, don't you?

I'm afraid we're right.

Can I get you another drink, Mr. Vannar? No, no. Thanks, Harry. I've got to be

going. I've got to get to the bank before it closes.

The bank?

Hey, that closed ten minutes ago.

Oh, I forgot.

Yeah? My watch stopped.

How could you tell?

Same way I knew my cat was dead. No matter how much I shook it, it wouldn't

move.

You have another shot, you know?

Give me change in, you know, quarters.

Sure thing, Lloyd.

Still trying to beat the machine, huh? Yeah, well, you know.

Hart, would you cash my social security check for me? Oh, yeah, certainly, Mr.

Van. Harry, don't close the cash drawer.

Here we are.

What are the numbers there?

That's $420.

Oh, $420, that's easy.

Here we are.

This is $100.

There is $200. Why'd you do that? To watch.

I had that stack all ready for the bank deposit.

Well, get another stack ready, huh?

Here's 400, there's 410, and 420, Mr. Van Ark. There you go. Thanks, thanks,

Arch. Would you do one more thing for me?

Would you put it in the right compartments? The 20s go here, 10s here,

5s here.

Oh, look at this nifty system Mr. Van Ark got with his money here, huh?

Yeah, I got tired of paying $10 for a bag of potato chips.

Plain a barbecue.

You know, you were dope, Barney.

Yeah, Mr.

Van, huh?

We're all set.

And don't spend it all in one place unless it's this place.

Thanks, Arch.

Don't you worry.

All I'm gonna do is, uh, pay my rent.

And buy a new cat.

So long. So long, everybody.

So long.

There's gonna be a singles dance down at the Vetman's Hall tonight. You wanna

go? Not a chance.

Why not?

It's gonna be girls.

Girls, Barney?

The only females I see hanging around that joint look like old army soldiers.

Why don't you go, Arch? Give the ladies a thrill.

They're too old for thrills.

Do you know the only excitement left for them is watching Mabe and counting

their hot flashes?

What about the guys that go there?

The only action they deliver is wiggling their ears.

And not all of them can do that.

Yeah, well, them poor other guys.

Well, I gotta get down to the cleaners and pick up my good tie.

Oh, it's a formal dance, huh?

A semi -formal. Does that mean the guys gotta wear socks?

Well, I'm going to the dance, and I'll tell you what, Arch, you're gonna miss a

lot of merriment.

I hate merriment, Barney.

Boy, what a lunch crowd.

That Vichyssoise show went over.

If you're talking about the soup, let me tell you something. That stuff would

have sold a hell of a lot more if this one back here had heated it up.

You don't heat Vichyssoise.

It's called potato soup.

Quick, somebody call the police. What?

Take it easy, Mr. Van Eyre. Mr.

Van Eyre was mud. Right over here. Sit down.

That's it.

Are you hurt, Mr. Van Eyre?

I'm okay.

Except for this bump on my head.

Harry, get some ice.

Did they get anything, Mr. Van Orr? It was just one guy.

He got my wallet.

Oh, my God, and all this money in there.

Barney, did you see who done it? No, no, I found him in the alley.

Here's the ice, Mr. Van Orr. What kind of a creep would mug a blind man in

daylight? Smart creep.

Somebody call the police, huh? I'm calling the police.

He was smart.

He picked on a victim who could never identify him.

All I want to know is why the law ain't fighting crime the way it should now.

I mean, the police, it's been a week, and they ain't found that muggy yet.

I know, Arch.

And we probably won't.

There just aren't any leads.

You know, I really miss Mr. Van Aert.

He still won't leave his apartment?

Hey, he's really scared.

We have to send his food over.

Ah, that's a shame.

I wish I could tell him it was safe out there.

You know, even I get scared, and I'm a guy that's fearless.

Except when it thunders and lightnings out. Then you come running over to my

house bringing your pillow.

I only did that once, and you promised you would never tell.

Oh, you're going away mad, Blonde? Oh, no, no, I'm not mad. I just want to sit

as far away as possible from Tattletail.

Hey, thanks, Veronica.

It was really great, but I better be getting back to work.

Eight o 'clock, Jimmy?

Eight o 'clock.

Will you look at this here?

For years, she's in love with the mafia. Now it's the police.

Not the whole force.

Just thought I'd try one.

Well, I need more change.

Quarters, you know? Sure thing.

Well, can I sit down with you, Bond?

Not until you apologize.

I apologize?

Sit down, Arch. Thank you, Bond.

Billy, over there, could you bring your uncle a nice cup of coffee?

Sure.

Hey, Arch.

What? I just sat down.

Got something to show you.

Did your ass come back?

Will you come here?

Don't holler.

God, I'm the only guy working in this establishment.

That never takes time out to sit down and have a little cup of coffee with

himself.

What do you want to show me?

This.

What, is it queer?

No.

Look at it closely.

Notice anything funny?

No. Whoa, wait a minute.

Where's George Washington's picture?

This is a 20.

Look in the corner.

What do you see?

I see a little red mark that you make when you're counting money.

Well, I ain't counted money since last week.

Oh, then ain't it a hard time you counted it again?

I mean, today, Mr. Vanner got mugged.

Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. Where did you get it?

Don't look now.

But Lloyd at the pinball machine just got change for it.

I mean, the guy... Don't look!

Crouchy Lloyd, the pinball nut.

Are you sure he was in that gang?

I can't remember.

I'll ask the kid here.

Yes. Uh, Bobby Lee, get over here.

Look over my shoulder.

What do you see?

Dandruff.

I said, over my shoulder, not your arm.

See this guy at the pinball machine?

Yeah.

You've only seen him before?

Well, sure.

He yelled at me once.

When did he yell at you? Last week when I thumped him into sheep's moth.

He didn't like it cold either.

Veronica. Veronica.

Come here.

Why are you whispering?

Hey, okay.

So why are we whispering?

Remember that soup that you made there, that cold?

Don't you call it vicious sauce?

Yeah.

What day was that you saw him, Dad?

Uh, I don't know. Let me see.

First we had the bean and the bacon, the vegetable, the pizza. Yeah, okay, okay.

Um, vicious was that we could go today.

Today, Mr. Van Ark got mugged.

Are you saying that that guy's the one?

What guy?

The pinball machine just gave me this bill, and it was one that we gave Mr.

Haar.

Now, where is your... Where is your boyfriend, the cop, now that we

need him?

What good can Jimmy do?

Mr. Van Haar can't identify him.

Hey, are you guys telling secrets over there?

To me, when you listen, suppose Mr.

Vianard says that he got his eyesight back when he got hit on the head and he

saw the guy who'd done it.

Two to one, that creep will give himself away.

And another thing we have to do is get that $20 bill back to him.

You're right. You're right, Billy. You take care of that. I'll see you.

females here.

What the hell did he want us to do?

Frame this guy?

Well, we gotta do something.

That's 1 -800 -426 -1433.

And then what happens is Lloyd gets so rattled.

That he tries to make a run for it. Only it's no good. He can't because the

police are right there to catch him.

So, what do you think, huh?

I think you're hitting the sauce again.

Terrible idea.

Jeez, you sound just like Archie.

No offense.

None taken.

Veronica, I can't go around playing games.

I'm old and I'm blind.

But you've been old and blind for a long time.

were never scared before.

So I'm old, blind, and scared.

You can't do it.

But you can't run scared.

There's too many of them.

Listen, I never should have bothered you.

No, no. No bother.

I must have been crazy to come here and ask you to do this.

Yes.

You're probably not the first person he mugged.

Probably not.

Yeah.

And you probably won't be the last.

So, uh, I tell you.

You just stay here behind your locked doors and, uh, big bolt on it.

And, uh, keep everybody out.

I will.

Of course, sir.

It's funny.

Instead of the mugger being sent to jail, you're the one who ends up behind

the locked doors.

That's what you call, uh... What do you call that?

Ironic.

Yeah.

Okay, Veronica.

What is it you want me to do?

You know what Abram Benowitz would call this whole nutsy charadey here?

Loco.

Well, if he was looking at you, if he was looking at me, he'd save me sugar.

I think it'll work. Now you get the money back to him. Just flip it in his

pocket. I can't plant this on him. You do it.

What's it going to look like if I get caught with my hands in his pocket?

What's it going to look like if I get caught?

So, what's the next move?

I'll handle it. Okay.

Excuse me, everybody.

The 50 ,000th customer walked into the bar today, and my boss says that he gets

this $20 bill.

Gee, who is it?

The man at the pinball machine.

Hey!

Lloyd. No kidding.

Wait a minute. We came in together.

I'll take that.

Barney. Barney, give that $20 to that man.

No. Give him another one.

Give it to him, Barney. I'll take your 20 off your tab.

Hey, hey.

No, no, no. I need the cash.

Look, do I win it or not?

Yes, you do.

And your meal is on the house.

Hey, hey, hey.

Pick up, meatloaf. This 20 is mine.

You're getting me mad, pal. You know?

Give him the 20, Barney, or I'll add it to your tab.

Yes, add it to his tab.

Oh, okay, dear.

Is that true? Mr.

Van Aar can see.

Hey, that's great. You're kidding.

Yes, Barty, it's a wonderful thing, Mr. Van Aar.

Welcome back.

Thank you, Billy. You look just as pretty as I thought you were.

All right, so what do I look like, Mr. Van Aar?

Fatter.

You know, now that I can see all this pollution, I'm going to have to quit.

I'm leaving. How are you, Harry? I'm just fine, Mr. Van Aar.

Got a little spot on that apron.

I think I can take off these glasses. It's not too bright in here.

No, no, no, no. You gotta keep them on till your next examination, Doctor said.

Oh, God.

We all gotta help him follow Doctor's orders.

I don't believe this.

Yeah, it's like a miracle.

Is this on the level, Mr. Vannar? How many fingers?

Oh, Barney, what are you asking silly questions like that for?

For?

You're one of a kind.

One? What color is this?

Will you please shut up?

No. How did this happen?

Mr. Van Awe got his eyesight back when he was hit on the head. Tell us, Mr. Van

Awe, what was the first thing you saw?

I saw the mugger.

He was bleeding white, brown hair. I saw him very clearly.

Hey, that sounds like you, Lloyd.

Could have been anybody, you know.

Does sound like you.

With that, you know, you know.

You guys are crazy, you know.

That's him!

Hold it!

Hold it right there, miss. Grab him, Jimmy, sweetheart. Twist his arm.

Yeah, and check his pockets. He's got Mr. Van Aar's money in it. Yeah, he

to pass it. He's got my red squiggle in the corner.

Wait a minute.

I'm being framed here. She give me that 20.

Boy, am I glad I didn't keep it.

Yeah, look, I gotta know what's going on.

These people are crazy.

They planted a 20 on me so as to make it look like I mugged the old guy, you

know?

You got any ID? Got a driver's license?

I lost it. Where do you work?

Well, I'm laid off. I had a job. Where do you live?

Well, I was in the Bronx, but then I... You've been arrested before?

Come on.

What are you talking about?

Tell you what.

You come along with me and I'll introduce you to the boys down at the

Wait a minute.

I've been framed here.

We're just going to talk.

I want you to meet a computer.

Hey,

hey.

Hey, I like that.

Oh, ain't it a good thing that I recognize your red squiggle, huh?

Yeah, Arch.

We owe it all to you.

What do we owe?

We've done it.

What do we do?

I may not have my sight, but thanks to you, I feel I have my freedom back.

Oh, wait a minute.

How did he lose his sight again?

Barney, I would like to take you over to Nutley, New Jersey,

because there's a large, peaceful house there with beautiful trees and a big

wall all around.

Could I bring Rusty?

Hiya, Jimmy, sweetheart.

Hi, Veronica.

Can I get you something to eat?

I, uh, got some fresh oysters.

Oh, uh, ask me later.

Well, well, well, well, welcome to the law. Always nice to see New York's

finest. I wanted to ask you.

I hope youse guys put that mugger away, but send big ones.

Well, that's what I came here to tell you.

We had to let Lloyd Johnson go.

You let him go?

Yeah. See?

Say, say, what have I been telling you, Z?

You know what I mean? That creep's back on the streets.

He's free?

That's right.

Couldn't even hold him.

Insufficient evidence.

That is the trouble with our legal system.

It requires evidence.

That $20 bill was evidence.

Well, no, it isn't. You see, you gave it to him.

After he stole it from Mr. Van Aar. But you can't prove that.

I mean, Harry marks a lot of bills.

See that?

Harry, you was wasting your time.

But Mr. Vannar identified him from his voice. He kept saying, you know.

Well, unfortunately, a lot of people say, you know, you know.

That is not identification.

He's on the street.

That's right.

I'm sorry, Mr. Vannar, really sorry.

There just wasn't any way we could hold him. I understand.

Oh, well, I don't understand nothing there.

I mean, here we all are, racking our brains to work out some kind of scheme

prove that crime doesn't pay.

And youse guys let him off.

Oh, come on, Archie. It ain't Jimmy's fault.

If he ever comes back here, I got a .45 that works without evidence.

All right.

I got to go.

Wait a minute. Where are you going? It's early. No, I've got some things to do.

You're not going to hide again, are you? No, no, no.

He's only one person.

Can't run scared.

Just too many of them.

Something wrong, Mr. Vanner?

No.

No, I was just... Just wondering.

Anybody going in my direction?

Something's been bothering me. Yeah, well, me too. About Mr. Bernard, huh?

No, about me.

What? You know, yesterday when you were whispering, did you tell any more of my

secrets?

Just one.

I told everybody that Barney Hefner has a Donald Duck nightlight.