Original subtitles

Second most important thing I wanted to tell you. The first most important thing

I wanted to tell you was that Amy said that Thursday would be a good day to

it, and I said, no, Amy, remember we go ice skating on Thursday?

So then Chris suggested, why don't we have it on Wednesday? And I said,

Wednesday is perfectly fine with me. But Heather said, no, she goes to see what

the Don is on Wednesday.

So we all decided we could have the photo club meeting on Monday, okay?

And I said my Uncle Archie would be more than glad to help us out.

What? I figured that would get your attention.

But you don't have to do anything anyway, so why not?

Hold it, hold it, hold it. How much is this going to cost me? It's free. It's

part of the Astoria Girls Club.

And I ain't got to do nothing? Sure?

I'm positive.

Well, okay. If I don't have to do nothing, then I guess it can't hurt me.

Thanks. Now can we go get my new camera?

Hold it. I thought you said it wasn't going to cost me nothing.

The club won't. The camera will.

Oh, gee, come on. You know something? You've got such a talent for bugging

people. You ought to go around door to door selling religions.

I need a new camera. Please, please, please, please.

Now, wait a minute. Let me tell you something.

We already got a perfectly good camera here in the house.

We do?

Yes, yes.

It's over there in the buffet someplace there.

It used to belong to your rani. It used to drag it around to all the family get

-togethers. Just to cut off all her relations heads with us.

Yeah, that's it. That's it, huh?

Ain't that nice?

I don't know. My counter dianthus has to be a 35 millimeter.

What does she know about a 35?

This is a 620.

Ain't that better?

Hey, this is your all -time all -American camera.

But it's so old.

But listen, old is good, dear honey.

Come on.

This here camera is one of the finest that Mr. Buster Brownie ever made.

Mr. Ruby, see?

You look in the little window there, you take your shot, press the button here.

When you got your pictures took, then you wind this back up here. You look in

here for the next shot.

Do you do that every time you take a picture?

No.

I've only done that because there ain't no film in it.

You understand?

You need a roll of film in there to hold everything together.

So, you could go and buy yourself a roll of film and then work on that.

I need a new camera.

Well, if you're going to demand a new camera, I'll tell you what you're going

have to do.

You're going to have to save up all your allowances and buy one.

I need it before I graduate high school.

Don't be smart.

All imported foreign cameras is very, very dear.

Is the Jap still getting back at us?

Hey, but I'm not even asking for a new catalog. I'm asking for a used one. See,

they're having a sale at Powell's. All right, let me look at the sale. Let me

look at the sale. See what they got here.

35 mm.

Oh, come on. Look at all the junk that's on this thing here.

F -1 -4.

Single lenses, reflexes, yeah, electro, sync, macro, folk, my God.

You'd have to go to college to learn how to work that.

Can we get it?

I'll tell you what we'll do.

If you can find some scotch tape now, see, if we can put that little one

together over there, if we can get a nice little trade -in for this one, I'm

saying if I ain't promising nothing, in fact, I can almost guarantee you no.

You're welcome.

Uh -oh, the big lady.

Hi, lover boy. How you doing?

Just a minute. Did you ever get me the hubcap for that 57 Plymouth? No.

Then obviously our love was never meant to be. You don't need a romance. Just

buy me a drink.

Oh, look at Betty the bag lady. Better get lost, Betty, or I'll call the

Oh, can't you spare a sandwich for a little old lady? I haven't had a bite in

two days.

Get out of here. I gave you a hamburger yesterday.

You call that eating?

Oh, well, excuse you, me.

Hey, you better check in at McPhee's if you don't like our cuisine.

Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Give me back my pretzels there. I don't need them. McPhee's only gives me beer.

Well, give me a drink. At least leave the basket.

Come on, Betty.

Come on.

Hi, kid.

Hey, hi, Steffy.

Hey. Hey,

what you got there?

Boy, that's a real tip.

Yeah, pretty fancy.

Hey, kid, maybe you shouldn't be lugging out all over town, you know? It didn't

come out of a crackerjack box.

I have a photo club meeting right after school.

Hey, Steffy, you got the camera. Let's take a group shot.

How about some group work around here? Come on, this is a place of business. We

ain't got no time for this fooling around taking pictures.

Business, business, that's what we're here for.

Come on, Steffi. We've got time for a quick one, huh?

Okay, now.

Everybody move a little bit more to the right.

No, no. A little more to the left.

Hey, I'm getting seasick.

Okay. Everybody say cheese.

Cheese. Oh, look at this. Excuse me. Look at this over here. One white for me

and they do whatever they want.

Don't do that. Don't be taking pictures of me when I'm looking this way.

Come on, now. I can't even turn my back a minute on you.

Don't do that no more. Sit down there. Sit down and have your lunch.

Can I stop smiling now?

Oh, boy.

I wouldn't make a very good model, would I?

Oh. Hey, I came in ten minutes before that kid.

How come she got so first?

She's sorry because she's still growing, you know, Mac?

Hold your horses there. I'll get your food now.

Yeah, when you get it, you know what you can do with it. Ah.

Don't do it.

Cut it out.

Oh, hi there, Mr. Brando. Hi. How you doing?

Not coming out, is it, Arch? Oh, well, I'll show you. There's a trick to that.

See, first you got to work it all the way down to the bottom, see?

Then you got to put your hand right there and squeeze it this way. All

guys.

You get it?

Yeah, it's coming out fine now, Mr. Brando.

Don't take pictures of a mess like this here.

Sit down here. Sit down at the table and have your lunch.

Okay. I mean it.

Okay.

Can't make nothing work.

Oh, no, no. It's working fine now, Arch.

Oh, no, I didn't... I meant it.

These are really good, Amy. Did you develop them yourself?

Are you kidding? My dad had them done in a special lab.

Your dad is so cooperative.

Cooperative. He runs the whole show.

Oh, hi, Mr. Bloom. Hi, Steffi. Huh?

Oh, this is a great shot. Gravy camera, Amy.

Come on.

Archie Bloom, a gent. Look at you in a posy.

You know, you'd make them department store dummies look good.

Would you just stay there a minute, Arch?

Okay,

now check the light. Try and adjust your f -stop.

Make sure the flash is on and focus.

Great shot. Great shot. Okay.

It's all right if I pass by here? Oh, sure. Go right ahead. Mind if I sit in

chair? Yeah, sure. Sit down. Yeah. What do you got here?

Photos. Of who?

As if I didn't know.

There he is.

Terrific, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. Bloom, looking at these photos is sheer

torture. You know that?

There he is again.

This shows you that a thousand pictures can be wiped one way. I won't mention

which. Oh, come on, mention it. Yeah, all right.

That's me at work.

Oh, yeah? Come on, come on. This is your father here in his office?

No, it's his boss's office.

He snuck in at lunch. Well, it will be my office very shortly. Ah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, look at the Rolls Royce you're sitting on there. Is that going to be

pretty soon?

No, it belongs to an Arab. Amy.

He was sitting on an iron throne?

Yeah, until he kicked him off.

Amy, we're losing the light, and I want to catch that picture of me coming out

of 21.

21? You'd be barely welcome in Shapiro's deli.

What the hell are you doing, Blue?

Tormenting your child, taking pictures of you in all these phony places. What

are you talking about? It's for the photo contest, the day in the life of a

Bye, Stephanie.

Bye, Amy.

The day in the life of a dad? You never told me there were no contests.

It's because I didn't enter.

Why not?

Because she didn't have the right subject.

Goodbye forever, huh, Bloom?

Well, I know I ain't exactly your dad, but I'm something like that. What's the

matter? You ashamed of me?

You told me not to take any more pictures of you. You said I got on your

Oh, well, I really didn't mean that. And anyway, I mean, you can't help that,

see? I mean, you were always going to be on some man's nerves because you were a

girl.

Maybe it's too late. I can't get the pictures in by Friday.

Well, wait a minute. Maybe we can if we get a move on. You just fire up the

camera and you leave it to me to get you the pictures of me. Huh?

Yeah, well, hurry up, because Mrs. Camby ain't going to be able to straighten

herself up again. Look at the way she's standing.

That ain't the shots.

Take another one.

Go ahead.

Good, good.

Now, you entitled that one, Race Relations in the Hall.

Stephanie, are you sure these are the kind of shots you want?

Well, they're not really. Well, well, certainly they are. Certainly they are

kind. I mean, how else are you going to pose me typical?

You want to think typical? I should be pouring you a glass of beer.

For breakfast?

Uh -huh.

Never, never, never, never.

Gonna be late for school. Yeah, you're coming down to bar at noon, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, bring the camera.

Because I got some terrific shots all lined up. Okay.

See you, Mrs. Cammie. Really terrific shots lined up down there.

Okay, Archie.

Why are you doing this?

For the kid, for the contest.

You sure it's not a contest between you and Bloom?

Bloom? Bloom is the freudest individual out of my mind.

Did you mention the beer?

What the hell? It ain't too early.

Don't be always arguing with me, will you? I'm your boss. Do what I tell you.

Get the equipment and bring it right back in here.

You finished that, kid?

All right. Where's Veronica?

Busy. She ain't supposed to be busy when I want her out here.

Now, you can eat that on your way to school, you know. Put it in the bag.

Ice cream? Yeah, well, if you don't like a bag, put it in your pocket. Jose,

come on, come on, come out of here. As fast as I can? All right, put that right

down here now.

Give me that.

Don't hit me.

Would I hit you?

Put the pan down there and let's get started, huh?

Now, get your camera ready there.

And you'll entitle this one, Harmony at Wake.

I don't believe it.

Do you believe the immigration inspectors?

Smile at the camera.

Okay. Shoot.

All right, I got it.

What? Get out of here.

You knew we was taking pictures here.

What do you want from me? What the hell's the matter with your face?

I am chopping up onions. Can you wipe that off? All right, I'll wipe it off.

but I got a better idea. Get over here. Leave the tears on the face. What are

you talking about? Just leave the tears on the face. What's the matter with you?

This is going to be a beautiful shot. What are you going to do? Get ready to

shoot, kid. What?

This one, you call this one the sympathetic boss, huh?

Shut up, huh?

You're weird. You know that you're weird, aren't you?

Well, Mr. Bernard, we got one with a minority and one with a woman. I'll lay

two to one. You're next.

Mr. Bernard!

Okay, yes, here. Over here. Okay. Now, how does this look, huh?

I don't know.

to you, Mr. Ben. I'm talking to a kid here. We're trying to get some

heartwarming photography.

Okay, now give me a minute.

What are you going to do? Raise the prices again?

Yeah, as soon as you pay your tax.

Now, I'll be reading this to Mr. Ben. You call this helping a misfortunate

customer.

I appreciate that, but I know the menu by heart.

I know, Mr. Ben. Can you smile with me?

Terrific, but it's over here.

Okay, sure.

Just one or two more.

Oh, look at Betty. How are you, dear?

What do you want, Funker? Listen, I just want you to take one little picture

with me. That's all.

Nothing for nothing. Oh, no, nothing for nothing. What are you talking? Here's a

whole dollar. Oh, that's nice.

How about throwing in a sandwich, too?

Yeah, I'll get you a sandwich, sure.

Excuse me, Barney, huh?

That's my sandwich.

Take a dime off his tab, will you?

Okay, open the bag.

There's your sandwich. All right. Now, smile.

Now, you call this one kindness to the poor. Go ahead.

That's it.

Okay, Betty.

Go on, get going or I'll have to call the police on you here.

This is going to be a beautiful shot. This one's going to be a win.

One minute, Betty. One minute. Turn back. We'll get one more with Betty

Smile again, dear. Okay.

You call this one farewell to the pool.

Okay. Get going. Get going, buddy.

That's the girl. Give my regards to all the gang at the ball door.

This is going to be one hell of an exhibition.

These are very nice girls. All they need is trimming. Okay.

Are they ready yet? I think so.

Jessie, this is a good roll.

Some of these shots are terrific.

Thanks, Diane.

And these...

My Uncle Archie thought them up. They're so natural.

They are? I think some of them could be winners.

They could?

Definitely. Look at this one.

What's wrong?

I don't think I can enter this in the contest.

Why not?

I don't think my Uncle Archie would like it. I was only testing out my camera

when I took this. Stephanie, these are wonderful.

They're so real.

I don't know.

He'll love them. It'll be a nice surprise.

Uncle Archie doesn't like surprises.

Listen, there are 25 girls in the competition, and if you want a winning

you've got to show your best work.

Now you tell me, which are the better shot?

Those or these posed ones here?

I hate those posed pictures. He made me take them. Well?

Okay. Then we'd better get to work. We don't have much time to mount them all

before tomorrow.

Which way is this going? The other way.

Look at the time.

Yeah, look at the time here. We're getting late.

It's getting her down.

Stephanie!

Come on, kid. What are you doing up there?

My stomach feels funny.

Oh, come on, come on, come on. Don't be faking here. Come on.

Hey, feel her head.

You don't have a temperature.

No, come on, come on.

You just got some butterflies running around in there, that's all.

Well, maybe this is contagious.

Maybe we should all just stay.

Don't get me, Dad. Listen, I went through a lot of trouble getting all

people down the saloon to come and see your show.

Well, maybe they won't show up either.

Maybe they all got sick, like me. That's cold, that's cold, that's cold. A

novice, that's all, eh?

Hey, everybody gets a little novice when they know they're going to have to

exhibit themselves.

All right, eh?

Yeah, okay.

Now, lock all the doors. Oh, it's me.

And I'm telling you, Miss Peachon, it is amazing just how much I learned about

the right exposure and composition for some of these shots.

That's fascinating.

Isn't this nice the way they do this in here?

Hello, Mr. Bunker. Oh, hello. How are you? How are you? Oh, this is our

housekeeper, Mrs. Camby. This is Miss Peachon.

Peachon. You're right. Diane.

Hi,

Stephanie. Why is she hanging back like this?

She's a little nervous.

Why? She did a fine job.

And you turned out to be a wonderful subject, Mr. Bunker. Oh, gee, thank you

very much. Well, my late wife, Lord Vestasauce, used to say I was very

photogenetic. And your wife was right.

Where do you see these shots, Arch? Thank you, Bloom.

Listen, I want to tell you, it's all in the way you pose the pictures, see? So

that the subject can bring out the inner selfishness.

So where am I? Over there, where all those people are. Oh, look at this. Our

exhibition's drawing the biggest crowds.

Come on, let's take a look. Hey, could you let me throw that? Because I happen

to be the person that's in the photographs here tonight.

Wait, wait, wait.

Something's wrong. These ain't the pictures that ought to be up here.

Huh? These ain't the right pictures here.

All right, this one's the best.

Do you know me?

No. Never talk to strangers. Get out of here.

So you're making a scene.

The scene, the scene is up here. This is a scene of disaster.

You don't always have to keep looking at it, do you, Zia?

How can you humiliate me that way, huh?

Well, here we are, Mr. Vannar.

Where? At the photo show.

Oh, yeah, I didn't want to miss it.

Hey, here's Stephanie's stuff over here. Come on, let's get over here. Wait a

minute, wait a minute, Barney. Wait a minute, Barney. You don't want to see

of this here because, I mean, this ain't me, you know.

On the contrary, Arch.

I'd say that was a definite aspect of you.

Archie, these pictures are wonderful.

What are you talking about? They make me look like a jerk.

It's true.

You got guts.

What do you mean by that?

Well, listen, you know, a lot of parents wouldn't let their kids show pictures

of them like this. Well, that is very true.

May I have everyone's attention, please?

I'd like to thank everyone for making this such a success and to commend the

efforts of all our girls.

Now, to announce our winners, I'd like to introduce our contest judge, Warren

Silver, photo editor of the Queen's Shopping News.

The moment that you thought, you let my foot bloom.

Thank you, Diane.

I won't prolong the suspense.

Third place goes to Fern Walsh.

Is your uncle really mad?

Let me just put it this way.

Can I stay over your house till I'm 18?

Second prize goes to Jeannie Borelli.

And now the big moment for her. For her style, humor, and exceptional sense of

character, I'm proud to present the grand award to Stephanie Mills.

We're all proud of you, honey.

I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Uncle Archie.

Oh, that's okay. We just won't put them pictures in the family album, you know,

so that people will have to look at them after I'm gone.

You think maybe we can take them off of the wall now?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an important announcement to make.

As photo editor of the Queen Shopping News, I've arranged to have Miss Mills'

winning photos published in a special edition in our very next issue.

If you see me like that over there...

How can you say you love me?

Because I see you that way, that I love you.