Original subtitles

Now, you see, this paper never tells me nothing.

Honest, Mrs. Klein, Murray ain't here.

As God is my witness, I ain't lying.

No, no, he's not standing here telling me what to say.

I'm so lucky I never had a mother who wanted to talk to me.

No, I haven't given him your messages because I haven't seen him, but I will,

Mrs. Klein, just as soon as he comes in.

Well, no, no, I think he's just by himself, Mrs. Klein.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, goodbye, Mrs. Klein.

I can't take this anymore, Rog. Please, next time she calls up for Murray, you

talk to her.

You talk? You're the bartender. You're supposed to talk to boring people. You

need to practice.

I don't need to practice. I got you.

Listen, why didn't you come in for a hot side of you, huh? Remember, I have

appointments.

Taxi!

I'll see you tonight at 7.

6 .30, huh?

Well, where's something special, huh? Wait a minute, wait a minute. I love

It's about time.

Good morning, good morning, good morning. Isn't it a beautiful day?

Yeah, it's a beautiful day. A beautiful duck.

It looks like you bought yourself some new feathers there, too.

What is it, the mating season?

You're getting warm.

I think you're getting warm.

I'll be leaving early tonight.

I got an important dinner date.

Oh, that's a very lovely lady you're taking off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she ain't gonna marry you.

How do you know?

Because you ain't good enough for her.

Really? Well, I'm gonna find out tonight.

Feast your eyes on this, boys.

Oh, now that's love.

Really gonna pop the question, huh?

Yes, sir.

Ah, gee whiz, good luck. Thank you. I made a reservation at the Four Seasons,

and I'm going to propose between the appetizer and the entree.

Well, that's a very smart idea, so that when she says no, you don't have to buy

the dessert.

She's not going to turn me down.

Oh, you're pretty serious, though.

What?

My mother? Every 20 minutes.

You better talk on the phone. You're going to have to talk to her in person.

Archie Bunker's place.

Oh, well, hello, Ma.

No, I just this minute came in.

Well, I had some important business to take care of.

Show some guts. Tell her you're going to get married.

Listen, uh, Ma, no, I told her I can't come over for dinner tonight.

No, I...

No, I can't get out of it. It's business.

Tell the woman the truth.

Will you shut up? No.

No, no, no. No, Ma, not you. Not you. It's just some of the customers arguing.

Well, of course they're drinking.

Well, what do you care what they do? They're not Jewish.

Ma, give me a drink.

Coming up.

Ain't this sad? A grown man is just scared of a little old lady.

Ma, will you stop?

Harry, call me.

Maury, Maury.

Ma, I gotta go.

Harry's calling me. Why, another line?

Now, listen, I'll tell you what.

I'll come over tomorrow and we'll have the brisket for lunch, okay?

I know, I know.

Yes, I know. Someday I'll be sorry.

Okay. Anyway... Huh?

Why can't you just tell her right out there's another woman in your life who's

giving you more than just brisket?

As soon as she says yes, I'll have something to talk about.

Hey, you think your mother will get along with her?

Oh, she'll love Marcy. She has three phones.

Well, I'm through for the day.

Harry, would you fix me a ginger ale and make it on the rocks? Sure thing.

Geez, I wonder why Murray doesn't call. You know, so we find out if she said

yes.

From the look on Murray's face.

I'd say the lady said yes weeks ago.

Oh, Barney, come on. I'm not talking about yes, I will. I'm talking about I

It's a big difference.

Yeah, well, in my day, a lady never said yes, I will.

But the long after she said, I do.

Your day's long past, Arch.

And it's a good thing, too. Women got a right to enjoy life.

Not until they're married.

Quiet!

Get married. You'll make a terrific couple. Sure they will. Sure they will.

a message. Nice to see Murray get himself next to a, what do you call it,

woman.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we'll tell him, yeah.

You're white as a sheet.

You look like you've seen a ghost.

Close.

Murray's mother died.

A kid.

That was Queen's General.

They're looking for him.

His mother had a heart attack.

She was gone before the paramedics got to her.

Oh, poor Murray.

Oh, God, what a shame.

Yeah.

She was always so nice on her phone.

Oh, yeah.

She was a lovely, quiet little woman who never bothered nobody.

Oh, wait a minute. Murray is... I mean to say, who's going to tell Murray?

Come on, Harry. You knew the woman well. I mean, the last couple of years, you

talked to her more than Mommy did.

I'm no good at that stuff. Harry. No.

Well,

you got the woman's touch.

Oh, no, no. I can't. I can't. I can't. I fall apart with that stuff.

Who's going to tell Marty about his mother?

I'd be happy to.

Okay,

don't give me fun. Well, out of the press.

Good news here.

And we want you to be the first to know. My Marcy said yes.

Isn't it beautiful?

And isn't he wonderful?

This is our happy occasion. Let's celebrate, huh?

How do you like my friends, huh? They don't know anything.

All right, you guys.

What's the long faces for? Who died?

Your mother.

What are you talking about?

Oh, Murray, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

On a level, Murray.

Bonnie here, he was going to break it to you gently and all, but then all of a

sudden you hit me with that question.

It's true, Murray.

Come on, Murray.

Sit down.

I'm with you.

Harry, Harry, could you get us to Brownie, please? Sure.

It was hot, huh, Harry? Yeah, yeah, they just called.

Yeah, she went like that.

She was alone, too, right?

I should have gone over there tonight, I know that.

She told me that I would be sorry.

Don't worry, it's not your fault.

Of course it's my fault.

My mother told me that...

If I didn't come over, then I would be sorry. And I'm sorry.

Oh, boy, am I sorry. Murray, Murray, calm down.

My mother's dead.

Do you understand that?

And I wasn't there.

But she needed me.

Morning, Murray.

Morning. Morning.

Marcy been here?

She just called. She's on her way.

Coffee? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, hiya, Murray.

Oh, hi, Arch. Here, drink this. It'll help you feel better.

I don't deserve to feel better.

Believe me.

I still can't believe it, Arch. Well, Murray, sometimes it takes a while, you

know?

Could I have a cup of coffee, Harry?

Sure.

But I think when you get over there to the funeral parlor, you know what I

I mean, picking out the casket really rams it home to you.

Shouldn't have happened, Arch. You were so young.

Well, Murray, you know, after all, 86.

That's young, Arch. That's young. Listen, people live to be 100. I read

woman who's 135.

Now, that's old.

Well, yeah, but think about it this way. If she'd have lived on, maybe you'd

have went first. You'd have killed her that way.

Stop trying to make me feel better, will you?

She died alone.

She was all alone. She didn't have me with her.

Well, it ain't as though she didn't ask.

I should have been with her, holding her hand, kneeling on her deathbed.

Murray, don't torture yourself with sad thoughts.

Hey, listen.

Maybe she didn't even make it to the bed.

Uncle's here.

Hi, Marcy. Would you like a nice cup of coffee? Oh, hello. No, thanks, Arch.

We have to be going. Mr. Freeman is waiting.

Oh, yes, we do.

Where... Oh, where are my car keys?

Oh, don't worry. I'll drive.

Come on. All right.

Oh, yeah, you wanted this here.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Thanks, brother. Thanks. All right.

Well...

Certainly nice the way you comfort a friend, Arch. I mean, you know,

everything, you know, it's the very least I could have done.

True.

We call this model the stateroom.

It's completely first class.

Airtight, cement line, no water seepage. That's important,

you know. And no vinyl.

100 % suede cloth.

How much is this one, Mr. Freeman?

$18 .65.

Well, what else do you have?

Well, I've shown you the woods and the cloth cupboards.

Shall we move up to the metals?

By all means.

I shouldn't have wasted your time, Mr. Klein.

But it's obvious that you loved your dear mother very much. Oh, yes, I did.

And you want the best for her. I do. I do.

Well, here it is.

This is what we call the top of the line.

Bronze, satin lining over foam.

Oh, mother could never rest on foam.

She had a bad back.

Oh, could you mention that? I'll insert a board.

Could you? I'd be happy to.

Nothing.

How much is this one?

Will you stop acting in that? I don't care what it costs.

Of course you don't. I'm sorry, Murray.

3 ,500 plus tax, of course. Of course.

If you like, we could put some hammered bronze on the sides.

Flowers, stars.

Oh, I don't know. I don't know. What do you think?

Oh, I think it's quite lovely the way it is.

But are you sure?

Whatever you want, Murray.

I want the best.

Mr. Klein, I assure you.

This is the best.

Do you think that she would have liked this?

She would have loved it.

You are a wonderful son. No, I'm not. Did you hear the way my mother died?

No, I didn't.

Murray. She wants to hear, don't you? I'd love to hear it. She died alone.

I wasn't with her.

I was out on a date with her.

What a shame.

But you're making up for it.

She'd be proud.

You think so?

Oh, I know she would.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Now, let me figure out the rest of the cost.

Fine. The limousine is $80.

Oh, is that all?

Plus tax.

Oh, good.

Plus 62 cents a mile. Good, good.

Now about flowers.

I suggest a double orchid corsage for mother.

Fine. I don't believe this.

Now, about her jewelry.

What about her jewelry?

Should we remove her rings?

Well, of course not.

Murray, are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

If you'll excuse me, I'll be right back. I have to figure this out to the total

cost. Oh, by the way, we do accept all major credit cards.

I'll write you a check.

Fine. I'll be right back.

Murray. Don't you think your mother would have wanted you to have her rings?

course not.

I couldn't take them off her.

Mr. Freeman would do that.

Absolutely not.

It's going to be a lovely funeral.

I hope so.

Well, you're getting the best.

Oh, too late.

Too late. Murray, honey, don't you think you're being rather hard on yourself?

Oh, Martha, you don't understand.

Of course not. Of course I understand.

How could you understand?

Your mother's still alive.

I understand you loved your mother and it's a great loss, but... But, but, but,

but what? But it's not your fault that she died.

It was her time.

Do you know what I was doing when my mother died?

Of course.

I was with you, remember?

And that wasn't a very nice thing to be doing while your mother was dying. Well,

you didn't know your mother was dying and neither did I.

Well, I should have.

I should have been there with her instead of fooling around with you.

Mike, you asked me to marry you. I don't call that fooling around.

Murray, you're grieving your mother's passing. I understand.

Oh, no, you don't. How could you understand?

You don't know how I feel. How could you?

You just don't know me. I hope I do. We're going to be married.

Well, about that. I just think we ought to wait a while.

Well, of course we'll wait. It's going to take you a little while to get over

this. It will.

One or two years.

One or two years?

Murray, I don't think we should talk about this now.

How can I make you understand that my mother might have been alive if I hadn't

been out with you?

Murray, you sound like you're blaming me.

Well, of course. Of course not.

What are you trying to say?

Do you want your ring back?

Just keep the ring.

I'll wait in the car.

Oh.

Marie, Bonnie.

Thanks, Bonnie.

Veronica. It was beautiful, Murray.

Thank you. When I go, I want to send off just like that.

Thank you.

Harry. Very nice, Murray.

Thank you. Lovely service.

Thank you.

Well, you got through it all right there, Murray.

Mama looked good, didn't she? Oh, yeah.

Hey, better than the last time we seen her. The last time we saw her, she had a

cold. Oh, cold.

You couldn't move.

Oh, Murray, I'm, um...

I'm Mrs. Flotkin, a very good friend of your mother's. And I'm Mrs. Stein.

Stein. And this lady is Mrs.

Greenberg. Hello, Mrs. Stein. I'm so glad you could come.

Oh, we wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Your mother looked beautiful. I always loved her in that dress.

The stars, well. I'm so glad that I finally got to meet you. Of course, I'm

glad about the circumstances, but your mother talked so much about you that I

feel like I really know you.

And so do I. She always made us so jealous. A Murray this, a Murray that.

Really?

What really?

She couldn't have been more proud if you'd been a doctor instead of in the

booze.

I appreciate you telling me this. What's to appreciate?

Oh, by the way, I owe your mother $1 .53.

And I 74 cents, $1 .85.

I don't understand.

Some Thursday night, she was the big winner in the poker game.

She never won so much.

I don't like to talk about the dead, but...

She wasn't a very good card player.

Wait, wait. She played poker with you? Sure. We used to play on Thursday nights

whenever you didn't come to dinner. We played a lot.

I never knew.

So now you know.

Your mother died with a big smile on her face. Her last words were, full house,

ladies over trades.

Well, we must go now, Murray.

Thank you. You're a good boy, and your mother really loved you.

And she was very proud of you, no matter what anybody tells you. Thank you.

Thank you for coming. Thank you. Everything was so beautiful. Thank you

Thank you.

Hey,

Arch, she had a smile on her face.

Oh, yeah, that's nice the way you do that.

You don't understand. She did not die alone.

Huh? Oh, I feel so much better.

Hey, it's all right.

I'm going to call Marcy. Did you see her phone? Wait a minute. No, Murray, you

can't call Marcy. She's gone.

What do you mean gone?

Well, she called this morning from the airport.

She took the job in San Francisco.

Oh, boy. What?

Yeah, well.

Oh, my God.

These ain't really.

Holly Condé's for you. Oh, my God, I did.

No, you didn't. No, I did. Look, I see her. She's gone. I drove her away.

It's my fault.

I know, Beth. I did it. I did it. Murray.

Hey, don't pick up on one guilt before you get rid of another one.

I like the looks of this, George.

Well, look where we are. Let's get the hell out of here. No, no, no, I don't

mean this. I mean Murray.

I'm really worried about him.