Original subtitles

Is this real?

Hashtag no filter.

The couple that yogas together stays together.

Prayer hands emoji.

A perfect day for a perfect wedding.

Hashtag perfect.

So glad I married this weirdo.

Fluttering heart emoji.

Getting the band back together.

Hashtag all the line. Yep, that's how we roll. Princess emoji.

And the festivities begin.

Twin hearts emoji. Fairy tale wedding. Hashtag about last night.

Happy to be sharing this day with all my favorite humans.

Hashtag blessed.

The couple that yogas together, stays together.

A perfect day for a perfect wedding.

Princess emoji.

Yep, that's why we roll.

All my favorite humans.

Hashtag love.

All the lines.

Hashtag Isabella. Hashtag perfect. Fairy tale wedding.

Is this real?

Hashtag... I know.

Hi Charlotte.

Ingrid. Congratulations.

You're biting me, you fucking cunt!

Dear Charlotte, I want you to know how sorry I am about what happened.

I think having this time apart has been really good for me.

I'm learning how to be present, how to live in the moment,

how to listen.

Sometimes I'll hear a joke that reminds me of you.

And I'll feel sad because I have no way of telling you about it.

But maybe that's okay.

Maybe it's good to be alone once in a while.

I don't know what the future holds for me.

I just know that things are going to be different now.

And I guess I just wanted to say thank you.

You're the only person who reached out to me after my mom died.

I'll never forget that.

And I hope that someday you and I can look back on all of this and laugh.

Your friend always, Ingrid.

Thank you.

Holy shit.

Live in the sunshine.

Swim in the sea.

Drink the wild air.

Ralph Waldo.

My muse.

Hashtag Roscoe the dog.

There's science, logic, and reason.

And then there is.

California.

Baby, you're a firework. American flag emoji.

You're so cool.

Hashtag through Roman flag.

Another day, another avocado toast.

Prayer hands emoji.

Yeah, I'm just gonna pay someone.

I'm sick of doing it myself.

Oh my god.

You're not gonna believe who I'm looking at right now.

Ingrid Sorburn.

She just saw me.

Yeah, I thought she was in an insane asylum.

I know, right? I mean, Charlotte had to get a restraining order against her.

They weren't even friends. Charlotte just commented on one of her Instagrams

then Ingrid went full stalker on her.

She looks bad.

Is she homeless right now? It's so dark.

I wish. Grateful Kitchen, actually.

They're the best.

Check it out next time you're in L .A.

Winking face emoji.

Yeah, so, you know, that shit was poppin', and after a while of me losing

ass and rubbin' on it. We went back to the crib with some Netflix and chill,

you didn't pay your damn subscription.

No, it wasn't nothin' like the...

You know what, dude? I got to call you back.

All right. Hey, Dad Pinto.

Nice to meet you.

Thorburn. Ingrid Thorburn.

Okay, Ingrid Thorburn.

You like the place?

Are you the landlord?

Yeah, sorry to shock you.

I'm the dude who lives next door that you probably ran into.

The landlord thing is just a side hustle until I can get my real shit off the

ground.

You write movies?

Yeah. Anything I've seen?

Like Batman?

You wrote that?

No, but I am writing a spec script. It's unauthorized, but I think it'll be a

nice installment into the franchise. How much is this place?

$2 ,900.

The first two months plus a security deposit. No pets, but we are $420 ,000.

So, you know. Do you take cash?

Are you an escort or something?

No.

Are you a drug dealer?

No. Okay.

For real, what'd you do?

You got a backpack full of money.

Suspicious.

Yeah, if you really want to know, my mom just died and left me a bunch of money.

I didn't mean to offend.

Like, my condolences.

I didn't mean that.

It's okay.

It's all there.

Thank you. Fuck off, Dan. All right, bye.

I'll see you later then.

What's your biggest emotional wound?

What? That's our question of the day.

Oh.

Mine's actually my relationship with my dad.

I'm good, thanks.

All right. Well, in that case, welcome to Grateful Kitchen. My name's Eden. How

can I nourish you today?

You know, I'm actually meeting a friend for lunch here.

Have you seen her?

Oh, yeah. Taylor Sloan. Yeah, yeah.

She comes in all the time. I know.

She was actually here like an hour ago.

You said you're meeting her for lunch?

Oh, God,

I must have gotten the time wrong.

So stupid.

Do you remember what she ordered?

Summer Chop, courtesy of the lovely ladies at the High of L .A.

New Claire V. Clutch got me like dot, dot, dot, princess emoji.

We tell ourselves stories in order to live.

Joan Didion.

Just be cool.

Be mellow.

Mm -hmm

Cool. I think I'm going to buy it.

No,

I know. It's just... Okay, I'll be right out.

Thank you very much.

I hope they brought cards against humanity.

No, I know.

I don't want to play Mafia games.

Oh, my gosh.

I hope that's it. I know.

Hi,

Rocco.

Want a treat?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good boy.

Shh, good boy.

Shh. Shh.

Stop.

Ingrid. Hey. Yo, what's going on?

Nothing.

Yeah?

What's up? Well, did you get a new haircut or something?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just went in California.

Um, did you get a dog?

No. Because it definitely sounded like there was a dog in here.

Yeah, that's because I was watching a movie about dogs.

Oh, was you watching Beethoven?

Yeah. You want to watch it next door? I mean, I got a bubbler. You know, I got

way more food than you got in here.

Oh, you already have company.

I see.

My friend asked me to dog sit, okay? What did I ask you to do? No pets.

all my only stipulation.

I'm allergic to dogs, Angel. Okay, um, it's just one night. He won't go near

you, and he's leaving tomorrow, I promise. You leave him tomorrow if he

Okay.

Hello? Hi, I'm not sure if I have the right number. I'm calling about a lost

named Rothko. Oh, my God, Rothko.

Babe, someone found Rothko.

Is he okay?

Yeah, he's good.

Okay, where do you live? I'm going to come by right now. Oh, you know what?

Actually, it's not a good time. I'm actually running errands, so how about I

just swing on over to you guys, and I'll just drop him off to Mommy and Daddy,

okay? Sound good? So I'll be right over.

Okay. Okay. Well, wait. Don't you need the address?

Yeah, of course I need the address.

Let me just get a pen.

Okay, I got one.

It's a couple blocks from here.

So weird.

Oh, sorry.

Before I forget.

Sorry. Oh, look. You guys have the same purse.

That's crazy.

Oh, my God.

So random.

Should I make you have the cash?

Oh, please, no. I don't want your money.

Please. Oh, no, no, no. Come on. Come on. We insist.

Please. No, really. Are you sure?

Yes. Yes. He's so cute. He was just good company, honestly.

I'm just glad he's home.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Well...

We can't let you go empty -handed.

We're making dinner.

Let us make you dinner.

Yes, I love that idea.

Oh, really? Yes.

I mean, unless you have other plans.

I do have to apologize because we've been so stressed out with Rothko being

that we haven't had an opportunity to go to the farmer's market yet.

Oh, it's fine.

Hey, I hope you don't mind if we improvise a little, huh?

You know what I mean?

I don't mind.

I feel like I'm in a restaurant.

More like Kitchen Nightmares.

You wish.

Holy fuck, this is incredible.

Jesus. This is fucking delicious.

Have we met before?

No, definitely not. Because your face, it looks so familiar.

Can I use your bathroom?

And so we're learning how to surf, and all of a sudden I get stung by a

jellyfish. I thought it was a man o' war.

And then Ezra, he peed on my leg.

Ew, he did not. It was kind of gross. It was kind of hot, too.

I mean, we don't need to redo it, but it was actually not that hot. You want to

reenact it right now?

Another glass of vino?

Yeah. Pop you off.

Thanks. I don't know, baby.

You want some more of it?

Mm -mm.

So what do you guys do for money?

I'm a photographer.

Wow, that's amazing.

No, I mean, it's not as glamorous as it sounds.

Occasionally, brands, they pay me to post things online.

She's really good.

Cool. Really great, really creative.

Thanks, baby.

god i know where i know where we might um it was the uh the echo park craft

and you were selling those bolivian clay pots right i bought like eight not me i

actually just moved here okay maybe you're confusing her with one of your

fans

He's just giving me shit because I happen to engage with people on social

like the rest of the known universe.

And my husband has a chronic case of technophobia.

Wow. Because he still uses a flip phone. No. Yeah. No, he does not. Okay. All

right. Okay.

Stop.

Stop. I just prefer to keep certain parts of my life private. That's it.

all.

And let, you know, just let my work sort of just.

Speak for itself.

That's, you know, we talked about that.

His resume as an artist.

Really? What kind of stuff do you do?

I guess, you know, you could label it pop art.

That's what I've been kind of calling it. But I haven't really, there's no, I

don't like labels. You know what I mean?

Wow, so you do backgrounds as well?

No, no, those are found objects from flea markets across the United States.

Yeah, are any of these for sale?

I don't know.

Not technically, but you know. Yeah, they are. How much is this one?

How much is this one?

$1 ,200.

Ballpark, $1 ,200.

Cool, I'll take it.

Do you take cash?

Oh!

Oopsie, sorry.

My baby.

Okay.

To our new friend, Ingrid, rescuer of dogs,

patron of the arts, and all around a really great neighbor.

Cheers.

Cheers.

So if you need anything,

transportation, I can bring it over tomorrow.

No, I can take it tonight.

Oh, really? Yeah, I'll take it myself.

You've got to be kidding me.

Well, what's the matter? What's going on? Is everything okay?

Yeah, it's fine. It's just that my friend Anish keeps promising to help me

our trailer in the driveway to a place in Joshua Tree, and she just flaked the

end. But it's cool. We'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll figure it out. Well, who

else do we know that has a truck?

Jay. Okay, one second.

Yeah. Oh, hey. Hey, Ingrid. Hey.

I need to borrow your truck.

Oh, the Batmobile.

That's chill. It's fine.

Where are we going?

Ikea? Home Depot?

No, I actually need it this Saturday.

No, no. No can do.

Just for a couple hours. No, my table read for my script is this Saturday

I can't. That's okay. That's okay. I just need it during the day, and I'll

totally have it back before your table read or whatever. I promise.

Or whatever.

Please. I don't know, Ingrid. Please, please, please, please, please.

I'll do anything.

Anything?

It's funny you should say that, because the chick who we got to play Catwoman,

she got booked to do this Nickelodeon thing, and I need a replacement, so...

don't have anyone else that can do that?

Don't you have another truck you could use?

Oh. Come on, Catwoman, scratch my back.

I'll scratch yours.

Deal.

Come here Saturday.

Be here.

Six o 'clock.

Wow.

I can't believe you've never been to Joshua Tree before.

I know.

Oh, my God. We should go to the Integratron and get a sound bath.

Do you know what that is?

Yeah, it's like so healing and regrounding. It's really incredible.

Cool.

You were so into Batman.

I'm not.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Chill, chill.

Oh, my God.

My brother was, like, obsessed with this movie growing up.

You have a brother?

Yeah, Nicky. He's amazing. He's, like, so funny and, like, genius level smart.

I mean, he had a few brushes with the law, but he's, like, totally sober now.

Do you think maybe we should pull over?

No, it's fine.

It does this thing all the time. You just gotta... I'm gonna just see if

like a manual or... Holy shit!

Jesus Christ, Ingrid!

What? Oh my god! Oh my god! Why do you have a gun in here?

It's not real.

It's... Just close it.

It's just to scare people. It's fine.

I don't even... Who's Daniel Pinto?

I can't believe you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend.

I know, but it's not serious or anything, that's why.

Is he your drug dealer?

No, he's a screenplay writer.

He writes movies.

Oh my god, a tortured artist.

I love that.

I know, me too.

How long have you guys been dating?

Like a week.

You've been dating a week, and he's already letting you borrow his truck.

Yeah.

Why, is that weird?

Damn, girl, you just move fast.

That's incredible.

What did you do to get that one? Shit.

I know.

I just gave him a blowjob.

You're so funny. I love you so much. You're amazing.

Oh, my God, you're my favorite person I've ever met. Oh, my God.

You're good to go, ladies.

And you just needed to cool down a bit.

Oh, my God, you are a saint, Smitty. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

you mind actually just snapping a quick photo of us? That would be really great.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay, cheese.

Wait, actually, don't smile. And if you hold your bag down like this, it might

look better. Even at an angle, maybe.

Cool.

Okay, I think we got it.

Thank you.

Sorry, would you actually, would you mind just taking a few more? And maybe

you got lower, then you could get the sign above our heads, and that would be

amazing. Here you go. Thanks. You're the best.

Sure.

Just do what I'm doing.

If you just get lower, that would be better.

You mean on the floor?

Yeah, if you can.

Should we try one with the peace sign?

Yeah. Because my love is endless to me.

Oh my God, I love this time of day.

I'm just not sure if we should paint it or not.

I think I like this color.

I think it's perfect.

So nice here.

I mean, you really, you should have seen it when we bought it because it was

vile. And then Ezra and I were able to do all the renovations ourselves, which

is really special.

He's so great at that.

We should probably head back soon.

Are you crazy? We just got here.

I know something we should do.

Do you do this a lot?

Not anymore, really, but I think the last time I did it was probably Burning

Man. Have you been to Burning Man? Because you could totally join our camp

year. It'd be really fun.

Oh, I'm so happy we're here.

Pappy's is the best. I mean, like, the crowd, it is a bit sketch, but they

always have great live music and the best desert vibes.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, totally.

It's just Dan checking up on me. Oh, that's really sweet. Ezra never checks

on me.

Come on, hurry up. Oh, yeah, now I'm gonna...

I'm going to do it too.

And I will never find another lover more precious than you, more precious than

you. Girls, are you close to me like my mother, close to me like my father,

close to me like my sister, close to me like my brother?

You are the only one, my everything, and for you this song I sing.

What do you think I should say happened?

Say, like, look, I made a mistake, and I'm sure he'll understand.

I really shouldn't let, like, a little scratch ruin an otherwise perfect night.

Yeah, you're so right.

Can I tell you a secret?

Um, yeah.

Can you see that house over there?

22 Flamingo Lane.

Yeah. Well, I'm thinking about buying it.

And this is going to sound like such a crazy idea, but I have this dream of

opening a boutique hotel that's filled with, like, everything I love and

everything in it's for sale.

So it's going to be like my Instagram, but in real life.

Okay, you have to do that, like, now.

That's amazing.

I'm thinking about calling it.

Desert door.

Did you just come up with that? No, I mean, I wish. It's from this Norman

book that I'm obsessed with called The Deer Park.

Deer Park. Mm -hmm.

Could you actually promise not to say anything to Ezra? Because I haven't

actually talked to him about it yet.

Yeah.

Why? I don't know, like, ever since I convinced him to quit his job and become

an artist full -time, he's just been, like, super weird about money.

But I thought you said his paintings were really popular.

I mean, like, don't get me wrong, like, he is absurdly talented, but he doesn't

believe in self -promotion, and he just, like, thinks it's really phony or

something. I'm sorry, I'm, like, talking at you, and you probably think I'm

awful. No.

You're perfect.

Yeah, perfectly fucked up.

No.

You are by far the coolest, most interesting person I've ever met.

I'm serious.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

You're a really good friend, Ingrid.

I'm missing all the shooting stars.

Thank you.

Oh, and tell Dan that I'm really sorry about his truck, but I'm really looking

forward to meeting him.

Okay.

Okay. Hey, bye.

It's obviously day, so I don't know where she is.

I tried calling her.

I apologize, guys. Sorry.

Yo!

Where the fuck were you? I'm sorry.

You sorry?

Yeah. False alarm, guys.

Go on about your day.

How was the table read?

I had to cancel it. No Catwoman, no table read.

What the fuck is this?

I know. Look, you can probably buff it right out. Look at my shit. It was an

accident, okay? I'm sorry.

I'll pay for it, okay?

Some of it.

All of it, okay? Is there anything else I need to know about Ingrid?

We might have done all of your cocaine that we found in the... Thank you, guys.

All good.

Thank you for your service.

What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm sorry.

I trusted you.

I should live here.

I called the police, worried about you.

I should have been worried about my fucking truck.

You're supposed to be Catwoman.

Ain't nothing but toothpaste.

He was looking out for you.

Fuck that. Now, watch out. Damn.

Damn me.

Damn all that, man.

Feet on the ground, head in the skies.

Twin ladies emoji.

Dear Charlotte, you're probably wondering what I've been up to these

weeks. Well, I decided to give myself a fresh start in beautiful, sunny Los

Angeles.

L .A. is the best.

I found an amazing house by the beach, and I'm making a ton of new friends.

My best friend Taylor has been helping me explore my creative side.

It's a part of me I never even knew existed.

I've been getting really into photography lately.

You should totally follow me on Instagram.

I have almost a thousand followers, and I'm getting new ones every day.

I have a boyfriend now, too.

His name is Daniel, and he's absurdly talented.

He's writing the new Batman movie.

Pretty cool, huh?

Anyway, I hope you're doing well.

I know I am.

It's all thanks to you, so no hard feelings.

We're friends.

Always.

I love that. Hey, um, whose car is parked in the driveway?

Yeah. Can you blow me some cash? I had to cancel my credit cards and I need to

close for tonight.

Okay. Okay, I got it.

Nikki? Yeah?

Why don't you have any clothes, man?

Who's this?

Oh, sorry, this is Ingrid. Ingrid, this is my brother Nikki. He just flown from

Paris to surprise us. Wow, Paris.

Hi.

Stop!

How long are you here for?

Ah, I was digging, like, Two, three weeks, top.

Sorry, two or three weeks.

Like the best surprise ever.

Can I have my phone? No. Give me it.

Give me it.

Taylor, I brought some rosé.

Oh, my God. This is such a great bottle.

I know. I thought you liked that kind. Thank you. All right. Nice.

What's your story, Olga?

It's Ingrid.

Do you speak French?

So I'm chilling in the Ritz lobby, and I just happen to strike up a conversation

with this Chinese billionaire named Bruno, which doesn't make any sense.

and I both, we studied Mandarin in college. Yes, we did.

Anyway,

the next thing I know, some security guy comes up and jacks us up by our

throats. So then I decide it's a good idea to take a swing out of him, of

course.

Sorry. Yeah, I thought you were supposed to be sober. I am. I am. Anyway, cops

came. I hitch a ride to the airport.

And then I realized I left my credit card at the hotel.

But then, while I'm chilling at the airport at the Gull, guess who's right

to me?

Hello, Nicky Sean!

Are you serious? Yes!

Look, I'm done. I got to get another drink. It's a really good racist story.

Keep going.

Wow. Hey, baby, can you get another? bottle please sure and a new brother

the little fucker was so thankful there's more i thought you were done i

thankful for me showing him a good time that he bought me a first class ticket

to la that's so crazy i watched 12 hours of family guy and got a handjob from

this fashion chick named harley something or other harley chung yeah yes

know her no not personally but she has like over a million followers well i'm

having dinner with her tomorrow night at chateau you want to go um yes obviously

yeah let's do it

Except that you can't because we're going to that launch party tomorrow

Remember? Little Doe?

The hats.

Right. I got us on the list. Oh, you did? Oh, shoot. Yeah. Yeah.

Am I on the list?

No, sorry.

I could barely get us on. Right. Right.

Yeah. It's okay. You guys should totally go. It sounds like a fun, fun time.

It's going to be so fun.

Whatever. Just never going to meet Harley then.

Actually, because Nikki and I, we're never going to hang out.

And why don't you just go without me? Like, you should totally bring Dan.

Okay.

No problem. You guys have fun, and I'll bring Dan.

He loves that kind of stuff anyway.

Hanging with Harley Chung at the Little Doe launch party.

Sparkle emoji.

as a designer so they got us VIP passes. Just really last minute.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Hi, nice to meet you. Olga, where's your imaginary boyfriend?

What?

You guys were joking about it too.

No, we were just, no, we were saying that we would love to meet Dan and we

haven't met him yet and he just made a joke about him being an imaginary

boyfriend. I wasn't joking. We know he's not imaginary.

I know.

No, he's not imaginary.

No. He's just busy tonight. He's a writer.

Oh, really? Really? Like a ghostwriter?

What? Come on. I know. It's funny.

I got an idea. Why don't you come to Harley's house? She's house -sitting for

this super -rich dude in the hills, and we're going to have a pool party. It'll

be awesome. You can come this weekend. Yeah, bring Dan. This weekend?

That's cool.

Invite everyone.

Yeah, I will. I just invited Ingrid.

Yeah, so bring a bathing suit, lots of sunscreen, a nice hat, and your

boyfriend, obviously.

Can I have your name? Yeah.

Sorry? Can I have your name, please?

Oh, Ingrid.

Last name?

Thorburn.

Thorburn.

Thorburn. There's no Thorburn on this list.

I'm on the list. I've been on the list for, like, two weeks.

And you know what, sir? She's actually with us, so it's totally cool. Yeah,

cool. I'm sorry. We've got a full house. It's VIPs only tonight.

Oh.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. He was so mean. You'll have to leave.

Oh, really?

Well, how about I just text you about the weekend and send you all the

information? Okay, cool.

Great. Okay.

Came by to say hi.

That's nice.

Hi.

And I got you this.

What is it?

Open it.

Nice triangle.

What? You don't like it? No, of course I love it. That's why I bought it on eBay

two years ago.

Good looks, though. Okay, well, there's more. Look.

It's an indicator. Anybody who knows me knows I only smoke sativa. And an 8

-ball would have been more appropriate, don't you think? Look, I'm trying, okay?

That jacket cost like $400.

$8 ,000 worth of damage to my truck. I should throw you out. Okay, I'm sorry.

I did something really shitty. I took advantage of you, and I feel really bad

about it, okay?

I made a mistake.

Can we please just start over and pretend like it never happened?

Like a reboot?

Okay.

Like a reboot.

Can I take you to dinner?

Can I pick the place?

Get Jim Carrey as the Riddler?

Then that hands down should make you want to go see it. And then kill me. Val

Kilmer. He could kill everybody in this fucking room right now.

Your homie Joe? Joel Schumacher? Joel Schumacher, yes. He was the best Batman,

for sure. Me too.

No, no, no. He's the director.

You like this place?

Yeah, it's cool.

Chill spot.

I mean, I know I like it.

Do you come here a lot?

Way too often. They would charge me rent if they could.

Hey, Cindy, how are you? I'm so good. How are you?

Good. You looking well? Oh, my gosh. It's been so long since I've seen you.

You know, it's just working.

Well, you're a busy man. I mean, we're on a date.

Catwoman has claws.

I like that.

Why do you like Batman so much?

What's not to like about Batman?

I'm sorry. It's just I don't understand.

He's just another superhero like Spider -Man or Superman.

Batman is the world's greatest detective.

Nothing radioactive bit him. He's not from another planet.

He's just like you or I.

All Batman's powers come from within him.

He had enough will and enough focus to make himself greater than what he was.

And, you know, in the beginning, before he's Batman, he loses his parents. And

that definitely stuck with me as an orphan.

I definitely felt a connection towards him.

Oh, my God.

You're an orphan?

I'm so sorry.

It's fine. He made it through.

I'll make it through.

What happened to your parents?

It was a car accident.

Yeah. It happened when I was a kid, so I didn't know how to cope with it. So at

school, I would wear a Batman mask, make everybody call me Bruce and pretend to

be somebody else so it was like it happened to somebody else.

What about you?

What about you? What's your story?

Yeah, I don't really like Batman that much. No, no.

What's your mom? What's your story with your mom?

What happened?

She had a heart attack.

I mean, she was sick before that.

You guys were close?

Yeah, we were really close.

I lived with her, and it's just been really hard because it was kind of like

lost my best friend.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm getting too intense.

I'm sorry. You must be kind of worse. I'm not.

Don't worry about all that.

I'm sorry.

Don't even talk to me about that.

You don't ever have to apologize to me about how you're feeling.

You know, it may seem like I don't care. I put up a front, you know, but I

definitely care about you.

I don't know. It's just you have a different kind of ring to you. You have

different kind of shine. And I just think somebody needs to appreciate it.

Fuck me, Bruce.

Fuck me, Bruce.

Tell me Gotham needs me.

Gotham needs you.

Now.

You were great by the way, Dad.

You always would have done that for me before.

You were great, too.

Hey, so my friends are renting a house this weekend.

They're having like a party or something. Do you want to come with me?

Raya?

You're the best.

I got to wear this shit buttoned up all the way?

Yeah, so what's better that way? Don't be a baby.

I'm not being a baby.

Don't do that in front of everybody.

All right, come on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. A couple of ground rules, okay?

Okay. I need you to tell everyone that you're my boyfriend.

It's a long story, but I just need you to say that to everyone. No, no, no, I

did it.

I see that you dig me. I dig you. I'll be your boyfriend.

I'll be your boyfriend. Okay, whatever.

And also, no Batman talk.

What am I supposed to talk about? I don't know these people. Something cool,

like food or clothes or Joan Didion.

Okay.

What about comic books or anything?

People don't care about stuff like that. Anything else?

Yeah, whatever you do, stay away from Nikki.

Who's Nikki?

Nikki is Taylor's brother, and he's a fucking liar and a drug addict, and he's

just not to be trusted, okay? Oh, God! What's up? Hey! Who's that?

This is Dan Pinto.

My imaginary boyfriend.

Dan Pinto?

Yeah. My sister says you're obsessed with Batman.

Yeah. Oh, get the fuck out. Why didn't you tell me? I fucking love Batman.

Nikki, great to meet you.

What's your problem with Nick? Why don't you like him?

I mean, he seems chill.

He's not chill, okay? And he doesn't like you. He's only being nice to you to

fuck with me.

Damn. Excuse me? Can you like me for my personality? Shit.

Hey. Is everything okay? Yeah, everything's chill. Everything's great.

just talking about how amazing this house is, right? It's dope. It's a dope

spot. Pinto!

Get your ass over here. I got a Keevo with your name on it.

All right, for sure, Nick. I'll be right over. Just between us, Nicky can't stop

talking about you. I think he has, like, a little bit of a man crush.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

What the hell is this?

Why are you acting like this? You don't even like these people. I do like them.

All right. Tell me when Ingrid gets here.

Where's the hat I gave you?

This is the hat you gave me. No, it's not.

Okay, look, that shit was weak, all right? I got the floral shirt, all

Let me roll with it, please. Let me get a little bit of Dan in it, please.

Fine, you can leave on the hat and go hang out with him. Just don't embarrass

me, okay? Nigga, I'm going to go talk about some Batman right now. All right.

Love you.

Love you.

So the other day I was at this text startup thing.

They had the most absurd art on the wall that you have ever seen.

And I got to be honest, it kind of bugged me a little bit.

Because it's like, what statement are you trying to make?

Is it that as a company that you're trying to say that you have good taste?

You know, like, that's fucking bullshit, man.

You can't acquire taste. It's something that you have to earn. You've got to

pain over it. Do you have something that you'd like to say, Nicky?

You want to share with the class? Well, I don't think you would be saying that

if they hung one of your paintings on the wall.

First of all, I would, because I'm an objective person.

And it's not what I'm even talking about.

Absolutely, everything you were talking about. Come on, babe, back me up.

Well, I mean, I kind of agree with Nikki.

You know, you always say that art is subjective.

What?

Oh, come on.

No, I'm just being honest with you, man.

I was uncalled for.

I know what you meant.

So, Nikki tells me you have a place in Joshua Tree.

Oh, my God, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you been?

No, but I'm dying to go. Yeah, you should. It's amazing.

I've been thinking of doing a pop -up out there for our resort collection.

Wait. So, can I tell you a secret?

Uh -huh.

This is going to sound crazy, but my biggest dream is to buy the house that's

next door to us and turn it into this boutique hotel where everything in it is

for sale.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, and I was going to call it Desert Door.

I love that. What are you doing?

Nothing. Everything okay? Yeah, just go over there. Hey.

Hi. You guys need help with anything?

No, no. Actually, I think we're fine in here.

Cool. Yeah.

Oh, my God, I wanted to tell you that I read The Deer Park, the book you're

obsessed with.

Yeah, yeah, it's great, isn't it? It's so good. Do you ever want to talk about

it? Oh, my God. Wait, why don't you and Nikki just come out next weekend? We'll

make you happy. It's like the crowd's a little sketchy, but they do have, like,

the best live music and the greatest desert vibes.

Hey, have you seen my phone?

I can't find it anywhere.

Nope.

What are you doing?

I went skinny diving.

Alone?

Yeah.

Are you okay?

My fucking Charlotte.

No, you're not.

Your paintings are awesome.

You're my only sale.

But Taylor said they were really popular.

She would say that, wouldn't she? Yeah.

Everything is the best.

Whether... If you've been to this new restaurant, it's the best.

If you've tried these... These new clothes are the best.

It's the best.

It's the best. It's the best.

It's fucking exhausting.

You know what? I actually kind of know what you mean.

When we were in Joshua Tree, she told me this secret, and she told me not to

tell anyone, but I walked in on her telling Harley the same exact thing

What secret?

I mean, obviously, don't tell her that I'm telling you, but I guess she has a

plan to buy the house next door to you guys and turn it into some hotel slash

store, and she wants to call it Desert Door.

Desert Door?

Yeah.

It's a reference to her favorite book, you know, The Deer Park?

The Deer Park's my favorite book.

Taylor's never even read it.

I miss the old Taylor.

Back when she first moved here, she didn't know anybody.

She was like this total preppy sorority chick.

Yeah.

I miss when we were just the two of us.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to burden you. No, don't be sorry. It's okay.

Sometimes I don't feel like I really have anybody I can talk to.

You know?

Yeah. Especially with fucking Nikki around.

Hey, Olga, come on in.

Nose beer for the lady?

I'm good.

What's up?

Nikki, where's my phone?

Phone?

Come on, I know you took it.

Did you? You caught me!

Give it back.

No, no, stay, stay, stay.

Come on, just give it back.

Don't reach towards me.

Sit down.

You know, it's, um...

It's really funny what you can discover about someone by just going through

their phone.

Oh, here.

Look, this is a picture of you in my sister's bathroom.

Weird.

Here's a picture of her medicine cabinet.

This is a picture of her sleeping.

There are a lot of those.

Those are just a joke. We were messing around.

Actually, my favorite thing is the notes. You have...

Taylor's favorite brunch spots. Taylor's favorite books. Taylor's favorite

movies. Sit the fuck down.

Sit the fuck down.

What do you want?

Me? Nothing. No, no. I'm just looking out for my sister.

What do you want?

Look, I'm not a psychopath or anything. I just want to be her friend.

Come on.

Your password to your phone is my sister's birthday, for fuck's sake.

like single white female shit.

Look, I just moved here. I don't know anyone, and Taylor has been so nice to

telling me all the best places to go, and I'm not doing anything wrong.

Okay? So please don't tell her. Sorry, all good, but this is... It's just too

good to let go. I mean...

You're fucked.

I'm going to make a deal with you. I'm not going to give you your phone back.

But I'm willing to rent it out to you for a very small fee.

How much?

$5 ,000 a month.

Disco Dan told me about your mom and the sack full of cash.

Fucking ridiculous.

Okay, I don't have that kind of money. Okay, tell her.

Don't do that. Please don't do that. Just... Oh.

You ready to make a deal, then?

$5 ,000 a month, and I won't tell her how much of a fucking loser you are.

I'll give you $5 ,000. That's it. You don't have any room to negotiate.

I own you.

Fine.

Good. So, tomorrow night, we'll meet at the Whole Foods parking lot.

Gives you 24 hours to get the cash.

And, um... Don't worry about deleting anything. I already forwarded all the

stuff to myself.

Ooh! This is my favorite part of the song!

Mmm!

Excuse me.

Yeah.

I'll give one of you 200 bucks if you punch me in the face.

I'm serious.

Fuck off.

Oh, okay.

That's cool.

No, it's fine. If you pussies can't handle it, that's fine. I'll find

else who can.

Dude,

come on. All right, fuck it. I'll do it.

What? I said I'll do it. Okay.

Great.

Hell yeah, man.

Want some money?

Here, man.

Kind of. As hard as you can.

Punch me really hard. Right in the face.

Fucking shut up!

Shut up!

Oh, shit.

You got fucked up.

All right, I need to know what happened. I need every detail.

When I got home, I turned the lights on, and Nicky was there. I swear to God, he

was sitting there, and he was waiting for me, and he was fucked up on drugs

or... drunk or something i don't know and i asked him for my phone back and he

wouldn't give it back to me and then he said that he wanted fifty thousand

dollars fifty thousand yes and i told him that i didn't have that kind of

but he said that he said that you told him about the money my mom gave me is

that true i don't know we were drinking this shitty kept asking me fucking

questions dan why the fuck would you do that i told you how dangerous he is so

sound like nick

Okay, well, you've known him for, like, one day. So how would you know?

I don't know, man. Like, I've seen him do dirt. Are we supposed to go to Six

Flags? Ah, fuck!

We gotta call him. We gotta call him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't call

him. Don't call him, okay? Because he told me that if I told anyone, he would

kill me.

You don't know what he's capable of. I don't give a fuck, Ingrid. Look at your

face. What am I supposed to do?

We need to be smart about this, okay?

I need you to be Batman.

I am Batman.

We're not gonna kill this dude, right? No, no.

We're just gonna scare him a little bit. We're gonna take him out to the desert,

and you're gonna tell him that if he doesn't leave me alone, you're gonna

fucking kill him. We used to call the police. No, no, come on.

Nah, man, this shit just seems sketchy. Hey, keep it together.

I thought you were Batman.

I am Batman. Batman don't do shit like this.

I arrest people, take them to Arkham Asylum.

They possibly get out a few months later, and the cycle continues.

All right, look, he deserves this.

You saw my face.

He fucked me up.

That's right.

He fucking hit you.

Tupac said it'd be days like this.

Sweet.

Love you.

Did you guys think this through?

I don't think you did.

These should be behind my back. Just point it out.

Bad. But don't worry. I'm good. I'm gonna stay down.

You know what? I was thinking about this. Who would really want to kidnap?

There's not many people except maybe, um... Olga?

Olga, is that you?

Who you got helping you?

Hello?

I never knew I got card books.

Well, I do have that bag over my head. Shut the fuck up. Dental.

Oh, shit. Really?

Is this really necessary?

Listen.

Leave Ingrid Thorburn the fuck alone. Okay, come on. You understand?

Come on, baby.

Do this.

You know this bag is see -through, right?

You dragged me out to the fu -

No. Why? Is everything all right?

Not really. We haven't heard from him since yesterday.

I think his phone maybe did.

Maybe he flew back to Paris.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

I don't know. I'm just worried about him.

I'm sure he's fine.

But do you want to grab a coffee and talk about it?

No, I cannot right now.

Sorry, my mom's calling me. I've got to go. Okay, well, I'm...

Last minute escape to J -Tree.

Hashtag blue.

It's five o 'clock somewhere.

Hello.

Hey.

Wasn't expecting you. Where are you guys?

We're at dinner.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, so it's so weird. I know you guys are in Joshua Tree, and I'm actually

here randomly on a yoga retreat, so I figured we could all... We're not in

Joshua Tree.

You're not?

Taylor doesn't want to see you anymore.

Put Taylor on the phone. She doesn't want to talk to you.

Okay.

Should I call back tomorrow? Is that... a better time, maybe? Nikki told us

everything about the phone, the kidnapping.

If he hadn't tried to blackmail you, you would be in jail right now. You

understand? Ezra, wait.

Don't call here again.

Hello?

Hey, you've reached Taylor.

Leave a message.

Hey, it's Ingrid.

So, I just had, like, the weirdest... call with ezra and i just feel like we

should talk about this i mean i don't know what nikki told you guys but the

is he's definitely lying i mean he was probably drunk or something so i don't

know but it sounded so insane so just call me back so we can talk about it

please call me back it's ingrid hey you've reached taylor

leave a message hey me again um

Haven't heard back, so I'm starting to worry. I mean, this isn't like you.

Call me back, okay?

Okay.

Hey, you've reached Taylor.

Leave a message.

Hey, it's me again.

Remember me?

Ingrid. Ingrid, patron of the arts. Ingrid with the truck. Ingrid who saved

fucking dog's life. The least you could do is back up on your fucking phone, you

bitch!

message. Hey, it's me.

I was totally kidding about all those messages I just left.

It was a joke.

Gotcha.

Yes, I'm so angry at you. It's me, Ingrid. I'm mean.

I'm just kidding.

So anyway, I'm going to be around probably for another hour. So I have one

thing to do. So give me a call.

Oh my God, that's you calling in.

Hello?

You okay, miss?

I'm fine.

Oh, okay. Well, it's pretty hot out today. You might want to get out of that

car, get inside, you know. I said I'm fine.

Okay, all right.

Whatever you say.

Can you see that house over there?

22 Flamingo Lane.

Which piece of property is it you're interested in?

22 Flamingo Lane.

Okay.

Unfortunately, the people that live next door, they already put an offer on that

place. No. I've got several other pieces of property I'd be happy to have.

That's $50 ,000.

You can count it.

Sorry, but you have to have a credit card or checking account to open an

account. I already have an account.

That belonged to the previous tenant. You have to open a new account.

Can you just please give me one more week?

Ma 'am, if you don't open an account in the next 24 hours, we're gonna have to

shut off your power.

Now, we do offer a payment plan for those experiencing a financial hardship.

Fuck you, okay? Fucking asshole.

Want to take something off?

Can I just have it, man? Come on, it's Halloween.

Fine.

end up

I got a job back east and actually looking into selling the house.

Yeah, it's going to be a constant designer for Levi's. Yeah, yeah.

It's all about the opportunity.

You fucking dick!

Ingrid?

I literally just saw you.

What the fuck is she doing?

Boo!

Happy Halloween.

What the fuck are you doing here? No fucking way. This bitch again?

Piece of shit. I'm calling the cops.

No, you don't have to do that. I'm not going to hurt anyone.

I'm not going to do anything, okay?

I promise. I just needed to charge my phone. Kayla, you're not welcome here,

get the fuck off my property.

Can we just talk about this? I literally have nothing to say to you.

Please, just give me five minutes, okay? And I promise I'll leave you alone. I

just... I just want to talk about it.

Let me handle this, okay? No, it's fine, baby. It's okay.

Five minutes, that's it?

Okay.

Come on.

Okay, well, are you going to say what you wanted to say?

Why are you acting like that?

It's just me, Ingrid.

I'm sorry, are you actually insane?

Because you do know that Nikki almost died because of you, right?

I thought we were friends.

We had so much fun together.

Oh, my God.

Ingrid, we were never friends because everything about you is such a fucking

lie. You just are some weird freak that found me on Instagram, and that's

basically all this has been.

Everything about me is a lie.

Okay, well... Everything about you is a fucking lie, okay?

It is. Okay.

Your brother is a drug addict. Your husband is an alcoholic who fucking

you.

And you pretend to be some cool L .A. chick, but you're full of shit.

Ezra told me everything, okay? He told me that when you moved here, you were

lame and basic, and you had no friends.

You were just like me.

You know, Ingrid, I was actually never

like you.

Because you are a sad and pathetic and very sick person.

And you need professional help.

Come on.

I forgot something.

Hey guys, it's me Ingrid.

I've never done this before but I didn't have anyone else to talk to so I

figured why not.

I just wanted to tell you guys that basically everything I've posted in the

couple months is a total lie.

I haven't been living some like glamorous life in LA.

I'm just a loser.

I'm pathetic.

And I know there's something wrong with me, but I don't know how to fix it.

And I don't know how to change.

And I just don't think I can change.

So maybe I'm just, maybe this is just who I am.

And maybe I'm just tired of trying to make people like me. And I'm tired of

pretending like I'm someone I'm not. And I'm tired of being alone.

And I'm just tired of being me. So I

just feel like if

you don't have anyone to share anything with, then what's the point of living?

Yeah, so I guess I'm just making this video so you guys can see the real me at

least once

Ingrid? Ingrid?

Ingrid?

Ingrid?

Ingrid, can you hear me?

There she is.

Where's my phone?

Take it easy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy.

You've been through a lot.

It's okay.

What's all that stuff?

Apparently, you've got a lot of fans out there.

As a matter of fact, one of them is here to see you.

Hey, what's up, Ingrid?

And the reason you're still with us.

We saw your video online and called 911.

You're a lucky girl.

Batman to the rescue.

You give us a minute?

Like the new whip?

I know, I'm shining.

It's not the Batmobile, but it'll do.

My ass for black, but they out of black.

I like it.

Hey, where'd you go?

Where were you?

Why'd you leave?

I mean, are you going to disappear on me again?

Another three weeks?

How you feeling?

I feel stupid.

Oh, come on. Don't say that. Why so serious?

Come on.

Nobody wants to see this.

Okay.

I know what'll cheer you up.

Oh, I'm fine, by the way.

Take a look.

Your little suicide vid went viral.

Faces all over the internet.

Look at them.

Thousands and thousands and thousands.

You're an inspiration, Beth.

You even have a hashtag.

Hashtag I am Ingrid.

Hashtag I am Ingrid.

Thank you.