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Good evening.
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We decided to utilize assembly line
methods in the making of our shows.
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Mine is the last operation.
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You will notice one of our productions
coming along now.
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A sprinkle or so of saccharin.
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A little pruning.
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One.
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Two commercials.
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Three commercials.
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Here's another one.
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I can see this is going to keep me quite
busy. In the meantime, suppose you look
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at one of the finished products.
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Good morning. Morning.
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Can we be of assistance?
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Well, yes, I'd like some information.
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Well, of course.
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You have lost a loved one.
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Well, it's rather difficult to talk
about.
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Well, of course.
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Shall we step into the counseling room?
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Thank you.
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Please.
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Now.
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I'd like some information.
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Well, about a funeral.
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Well, of course.
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At a time like this, the bereaved
usually has a number of questions.
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Now, I think you'll find it easier if we
fill out this form.
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What form?
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Well, the necessary details.
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The disposition of the remains, the name
of the deceased, and so on.
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Could that wait for later? I'm really
interested in the arrangements.
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Oh, certainly. I understand exactly.
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Shall we start with the casket, then?
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If it's customary.
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Certainly. We always want our clients to
know exactly what they're getting.
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Shall we step this way?
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Now, here's our dignity service.
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This model has been most popular with
our clients.
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This model, not including a floral
selection and a gift to the officiate,
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cost $2 ,600.
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$2 ,600?
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Too expensive?
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Never mind.
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Over here, we have something a little
bit cheaper.
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Scale to meet the needs of everyone.
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The peerless model.
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It combines simplicity with good taste.
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Actually, what I had in mind was
something more colorful.
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You mean something more elaborate?
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Yes. Oh, in that case, allow me to
recommend this.
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Our supremacy service.
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The casket of finest mahogany, with
branched embellishments, and lined with
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quilted satin.
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Our private chapel banked with flowers.
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Music by the finest organist in the
city.
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A service, if I may say so, fit for a
king.
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And the cost is only $4 ,780.
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Think of it as a mass tribute to your
loved one.
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I'll take it. You will never regret the
supremacy service.
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Now, for a few necessary details, what
physician
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signed the death certificate?
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00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:24,050
Oh, I'm afraid there isn't any death
certificate.
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No death certificate? No.
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Well, this is most irregular.
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What is the name of the deceased?
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Well, there isn't any deceased.
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Yes.
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And then, Leonard, I had to get up and I
had to drag myself just as thick as I
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am all the way to the front door.
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Mr. Thompson?
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And it was that man from the cleaners.
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Oh, Cicero, honey, now, shh.
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Our mom is talking.
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Leonard?
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No, listen to me. He wanted the bill for
the last two months. Now, I gave you
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the money for that bill, Leonard. What
did you do with it?
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00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:16,190
Did you spend it at that terrible old
curio shop?
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00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:20,209
Because if you did, Leonard... Now, I've
told you, if you waste any more of our
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money that way... Oh, Cicero, now, hush
now.
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00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:31,200
Elsie, I haven't been in Mr. Bradshaw's
shop for a couple of months.
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And to... You must know the truth.
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There was a collection made in the
office for one of the girls who had an
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accident.
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Well, of course I gave it to them.
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I didn't want them to think that my wife
just only gave me lunch money.
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00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,910
Elsie, I didn't mean it that way.
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If you would only listen to me, I... Mr.
Compton?
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Yes, hold it.
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00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:00,280
Yes. Mr. Andrews is waiting. It's very
urgent. Yes, I know. I'll be right
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00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:01,970
Thank you.
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00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,710
Elsie, I can't talk to you now. I'll
call you back. All right, Leonard.
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You go.
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00:07:07,251 --> 00:07:09,879
But don't think that I'm going to forget
this.
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You have no idea of the value of money.
I have to drum it into you.
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00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,850
You're going to have to realize that
money doesn't grow on trees.
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Mr. Bradshaw?
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00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,850
Hello?
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00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:07,550
Mr. Bradshaw?
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00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:10,680
Well, Mr.
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Compson. Haven't seen you in quite some
time. Well, your door was unlocked.
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00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,160
Well, I was about to close up.
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00:08:17,161 --> 00:08:22,339
What can we do for you? Well, if you're
closing, maybe I'd better come back
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00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,660
another time. Oh, no, I wouldn't hear of
it.
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00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,919
As a matter of fact, I've been wanting
to get a hold of you, show you some
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00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:29,879
that I got here.
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Oh, good.
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Here.
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00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,740
Take a look at this witch doctor's mask.
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Come from the Solomon Islands.
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Ugly thing, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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Is that a ceremonial mask?
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Yes, it's used in the head -hunting
dance before the tribe sets out to lop
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noggins off a few of their neighbors.
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Would you like to have it, Mr. Coulson?
No, thanks.
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I've already bought two masks from you.
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So you have.
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How sweet of her.
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00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:56,890
Here's a little item that you might
enjoy.
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It's a blowgun made by African pygmies.
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Shoots poison darts.
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Poison darts?
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That genuine article. Here.
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00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,640
You see that brown goo there on the tip?
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That's the poison.
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I got this from a French sailor.
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I haven't even had a chance to clean it
off yet.
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Pygmy blows.
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A dart hits a monkey up in a tree, down
comes a monkey dead in a doornail.
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Just a scratch is all it takes.
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Really? As quick as that?
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Yeah.
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00:09:36,390 --> 00:09:40,289
As a matter of fact, maybe I could... I
couldn't sell it to you until I cleaned
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it up.
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Can't go around selling people poison
darts now, could it?
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No, I guess not.
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Howsoever, if you want me to, I can lay
it away for you.
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00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,390
No, I'm just looking today.
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To tell the truth, my wife doesn't like
my hobby.
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00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:00,110
Women, they just don't seem to have the
spirit of adventure, do they, Mr.
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00:10:00,111 --> 00:10:03,829
Thompson? They sure don't. But as long
as you're here, let me show you a couple
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00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:05,410
of beauties I got in from Persia.
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00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:11,980
Here.
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Taste. Hold it.
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00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:18,360
Feel that balance.
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00:10:19,150 --> 00:10:20,930
It's just as sharp as a razor.
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00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:24,140
Why go into a man like cutting hot
butter?
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00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:29,440
Yeah, but once you got it in, how would
you get it out?
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00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:39,930
I think this will help you, Mrs.
Compson.
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00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,200
Thank you, Dr. Maxwell. I know it will.
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00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:45,670
I'd like you to stop in again tomorrow,
just to check.
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00:10:45,671 --> 00:10:47,219
Yes, of course, if you want me to.
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00:10:47,220 --> 00:10:49,200
Oh, I do, because, doctor...
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You don't know how I suffer sometimes.
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00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,960
You know that for 15 years I've been an
invalid because of him.
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Ever since he took me on that horrible
trip to Haiti.
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00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,610
Haiti?
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00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,130
Yes.
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00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,160
Oh, that's where I had my accident.
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00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:13,840
He insisted that I go with him and I
climb some old ruins.
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And I got dizzy and I fell.
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And I was in a cast for months.
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00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,180
And then... This pain started.
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00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:26,700
Doctor, do you think if I got some heat
treatments it would help?
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00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,540
Well, Mrs. Compson, if you take my
advice... Leonard, is that you?
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00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,050
Well, come in.
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00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:36,340
You're late, Leonard.
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00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,500
I had a few things to attend to. This is
Dr. Maxwell.
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00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,370
Doctor, my husband.
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00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:45,890
How do you do, Mr. Compson? I'm glad to
have the chance to meet you.
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00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:48,599
I was just telling your wife I think she
ought to have a little exercise, such
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as walking.
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00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:50,960
Dr. Maxwell has been so encouraging.
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00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,450
Thank you.
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00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,160
Until tomorrow, Doctor.
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00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:56,840
Right, Mrs. Compson.
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I brought you milk.
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00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:10,280
Another new doctor, Elsie?
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00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,610
You really don't want me to get well, do
you, Leonard?
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00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:18,810
Years ago, Dr.
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00:12:18,811 --> 00:12:20,799
Barnes said you should have some
exercise.
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00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,060
Never mind what Dr.
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00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,330
Barnes said.
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You're disappointed because Dr. Maxwell
is going to help me.
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00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,650
You'd just rather I would die, wouldn't
you, Leonard?
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00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:37,320
How can you say such a thing?
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00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,560
You think I don't know it?
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00:12:40,561 --> 00:12:44,949
Ever since you dragged me off to that
horrible trip to Haiti, you've been
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00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,000
wanting me dead.
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00:12:46,730 --> 00:12:51,209
So you could go on your trip to the
South Seas or the Orient or any one of
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00:12:51,210 --> 00:12:52,830
nasty little foreign countries.
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00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:55,530
Elsie, I'm sorry about the accident.
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00:12:56,030 --> 00:13:01,529
I know it's my fault. You go to that
curio shop and you get out of there and
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00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:06,370
think you're Leonard Compson, great
white hunter, or something equally
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00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:10,400
Leonard, you're pathetic. You couldn't
kill a mouse.
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00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:14,930
I might surprise you, Elsie.
198
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:20,470
The only way that you could surprise me
is to act like a man.
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00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:26,990
And you're going to have to.
200
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:30,530
You're going to have to ask for a raise.
201
00:13:31,070 --> 00:13:32,990
You're going to have to make more money.
202
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:37,289
You're going to have to hire a real
housekeeper because I'm sick of your
203
00:13:37,290 --> 00:13:40,960
and I'm sick of that sloppy cleaning
woman who comes here only once a week.
204
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,000
You are going to have to take care of
me, Leonard.
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00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:54,660
The way a husband should take care of a
wife that he has made a cripple of.
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00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,660
You know what Dr. Maxwell said to me?
207
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:06,760
He said that if I take care of myself, I
can live another 30 years.
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00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,040
You hear that, Leonard?
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00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:11,200
Another 30 years.
210
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,010
Mr. Simms.
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00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,170
Mr.
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00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,740
Compton. Mr. Simms, I want you to handle
all the details.
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00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,410
Well, fine.
214
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,780
You still want the supremacy service?
Yes.
215
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:34,500
And here, $4 ,780 in cash.
216
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,460
I want $4 ,780 of Simms' service.
217
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:40,900
Why, quite so, Mr. Compton, quite so.
218
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,300
You will be completely satisfied.
219
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,540
We will outdo ourselves.
220
00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:47,700
I'm counting on that.
221
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,500
Now for a few necessary details.
222
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,520
What is the name of the deceased?
223
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,540
You don't have to worry about that now.
224
00:14:57,660 --> 00:15:01,520
Here's the address. I want you to come
by tomorrow evening to collect the
225
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,220
Yes, but this is most irregular.
226
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,190
Shall we say tomorrow evening at eight o
'clock?
227
00:15:08,191 --> 00:15:09,419
Eight o 'clock?
228
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:10,470
Sharp.
229
00:15:24,021 --> 00:15:25,629
Now, Mr.
230
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:26,850
Constance, I can't stop.
231
00:15:26,851 --> 00:15:29,269
All right, I've got you. Here you go.
There we are.
232
00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:31,620
Thanks, Mr. Constance. You almost took a
tumble.
233
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:35,210
You dropped something.
234
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:36,400
Oh, thank you.
235
00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:37,620
What is it?
236
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,610
Well, Billy, that's called an amulet.
237
00:15:40,611 --> 00:15:43,449
That's a good luck piece for somebody
going on a trip.
238
00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:44,500
You going on a trip?
239
00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:45,880
Yes, I am.
240
00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:47,410
I'd like to go on a trip.
241
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:48,970
Billy, you are on a trip.
242
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:50,790
Me? Of course.
243
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:53,740
You know, every day can be a new
adventure.
244
00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:57,110
someplace else to go, someone new to
see.
245
00:15:58,250 --> 00:16:02,649
And even if you have to stay here in one
place, there are books and pictures
246
00:16:02,650 --> 00:16:05,060
that can take you to the far corners of
the earth.
247
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:08,970
And you know, Billy, it could be a
wonderful adventure.
248
00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:14,769
You must be careful not to take a wrong
turn or you'll end up in a stagnant
249
00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:16,970
swamp and there's no way out.
250
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,430
You try not to do that.
251
00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:22,620
I don't understand.
252
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,300
Well, I guess I was thinking out loud.
253
00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:27,580
I have to go, Billy. Take care.
254
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,760
Bye, Mr. Compson. Have a nice trip.
255
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:37,199
Hey, Mr. Compson, if you like to travel,
maybe you'd like to come to see the
256
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,100
movie. What movie is that?
257
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,740
At our school. It's about India.
258
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:46,300
My teacher gave me six tickets to sell.
They're only 50 cents each.
259
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,600
Is that all? Well, I think I can afford
that.
260
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,540
Let's see now. Thanks, Mr.
261
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,870
Compson. They're the first ones I've
sold.
262
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,130
All right. So long.
263
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,460
Hey, Mr. Constance, you forgot your
tickets.
264
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,260
Tickets for you, Mrs. Thompson.
265
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,380
Billy Howard, get off my lawn.
266
00:17:27,819 --> 00:17:30,900
But I have some tickets for you. It's a
movie at our school.
267
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:34,939
I'm not interested. Now, you know your
children are forbidden to come on my
268
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:35,990
lawn.
269
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,739
But Mr. Thompson already paid for these
tickets. It's a movie about India
270
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:41,759
tomorrow night.
271
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,540
I said I wasn't interested.
272
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,320
Mr. Thompson knows that I never go out.
273
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,580
I can't. I'm not well enough. Now, go
on. Use the walk.
274
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:54,840
If you're not well enough, how can you
go on a trip?
275
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:57,180
What trip?
276
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,330
What are you talking about?
277
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:03,310
Mr. Compson told me he was going on a
trip.
278
00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:05,610
He did, did he?
279
00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:07,890
And where is this trip to?
280
00:18:08,230 --> 00:18:10,650
He's just as far away from here as he
could get.
281
00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:12,260
Where's that?
282
00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:15,210
It's no place at all.
283
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,130
He isn't going anywhere.
284
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,960
Do you have some rat poison?
285
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:38,770
Yes, sir.
286
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:46,490
Now, if you have rats, this will take
care of them.
287
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,340
Is that painless?
288
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,380
I don't know. I never took any.
289
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,140
Of course.
290
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,630
I'm really looking for something that's
painless and quick.
291
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:59,870
It sounds like you're planning a mercy
killing.
292
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,530
Here's what you want.
293
00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:05,900
Now, this is the newest stuff.
294
00:19:06,220 --> 00:19:08,180
They'll never know what hit them. I see.
295
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,400
All right. Before you can buy that,
though, you have to sign a register.
296
00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:16,640
What's the reason for that?
297
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:21,540
Oh, it's nothing serious. Just so we can
keep track. Oh.
298
00:19:44,490 --> 00:19:46,230
And is that you? I want to talk to you.
299
00:19:46,570 --> 00:19:47,620
Yes, I'll be right in.
300
00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:15,660
How did you get in? I didn't hear the
front door open.
301
00:20:17,710 --> 00:20:19,150
I came in through the kitchen.
302
00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:22,390
Sneaked in, you mean?
303
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:24,090
Well, where have you been?
304
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:26,830
I had to work late at the office.
305
00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:30,660
You never had to work late before. Your
job isn't that important.
306
00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:33,510
I had to make some final arrangements.
307
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:35,510
For your wonderful trip?
308
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,020
My trip?
309
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,670
I heard all about it.
310
00:20:40,310 --> 00:20:41,570
Billy Howard told me.
311
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,960
Now, Leonard, you can forget all about
that.
312
00:20:45,230 --> 00:20:47,880
There's no money being spent around here
on any trip.
313
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:56,690
Well... It's too late to change my
plans.
314
00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,290
I've quit my job.
315
00:21:00,761 --> 00:21:02,709
You what?
316
00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:05,729
That's right. It's something I should
have done a long time ago. Oh, look at
317
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:06,780
this.
318
00:21:07,490 --> 00:21:08,930
Here's the insurance policy.
319
00:21:09,430 --> 00:21:11,570
$5 ,000 I've cashed it in.
320
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,160
And I've already spent $4 ,780 of it.
321
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,660
You're lying. Oh, no, I'm not.
322
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:19,670
Job is gone.
323
00:21:19,740 --> 00:21:20,790
Insurance is gone.
324
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,920
There's $220 left of that money and $20
in our savings account.
325
00:21:25,921 --> 00:21:29,479
There would have been more, of course,
but you spent every cent I ever earned
326
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:33,239
medicine and doctors for that illness
you seem to enjoy so much. Something's
327
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,279
happening to you. You're having a
nervous breakdown. I am not having a
328
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,330
breakdown.
329
00:21:39,140 --> 00:21:41,000
At last I've realized what I have to do.
330
00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:44,299
Anything would be better than to spend
another 30 years of the kind of life
331
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:45,380
been leading with you.
332
00:21:45,381 --> 00:21:48,679
You've been out of that accident in
Haiti 15 years ago. You're strong as a
333
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:52,299
horse. Stop that. You stop it and you
stop being idiotic. You're not going
334
00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:53,920
anyplace because I won't let you.
335
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,300
There's nothing you can do about it.
336
00:21:56,301 --> 00:22:01,979
I don't know where I'm going exactly,
but anyplace would be better than this.
337
00:22:01,980 --> 00:22:03,160
You're out of your mind.
338
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,770
There's someone at the door. You better
answer it.
339
00:22:09,180 --> 00:22:10,260
Me answer it?
340
00:22:10,261 --> 00:22:13,339
Do you hear what I said? Answer that
door. All right, Leonard.
341
00:22:13,340 --> 00:22:14,390
Hurry up. All right.
342
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,330
Good evening, madam.
343
00:22:39,850 --> 00:22:40,900
What is it?
344
00:22:41,210 --> 00:22:43,690
We have come for the body and
instructed.
345
00:22:44,150 --> 00:22:45,200
The body?
346
00:22:45,870 --> 00:22:46,920
Yes, madam.
347
00:22:48,670 --> 00:22:49,720
Leonard!
348
00:23:19,850 --> 00:23:24,709
I would like to make it clear that the
appearance of a suicide on our program
349
00:23:24,710 --> 00:23:30,510
no way constitutes an endorsement of
this as a solution to life's problems.
350
00:23:30,830 --> 00:23:34,410
There are many better means to get out
of a difficult situation.
351
00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:36,590
Money, for example.
352
00:23:37,130 --> 00:23:39,690
And now I shall return in a moment.
353
00:23:43,110 --> 00:23:45,110
That is all for tonight.
354
00:23:50,890 --> 00:23:53,910
I wonder if we could leave out
commercials now and then.
355
00:23:56,610 --> 00:23:58,790
Big brother never sleeps.
356
00:23:58,791 --> 00:24:00,719
Good night.
357
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:05,270
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