Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:02,660
- You guys are useless.
What are you even doing?
2
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:04,400
- I'd like to see you
do something for once.
3
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,530
- What, are you scared?
- All right, here we go.
4
00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:08,540
- What's going on, shit face?
- Eat a dick, penisi.
5
00:00:08,670 --> 00:00:10,470
- Hey, check yourself,
polonsky.
6
00:00:10,470 --> 00:00:13,270
- Check yourself, crystal.
- All right, all right.
7
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,410
Jerry.
- Terry.
8
00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:15,740
- Nice to see you.
- You as well.
9
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,210
What brings you out?
10
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,880
- Looks like we have
a jurisdictional problem.
11
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,280
- Yeah, he wants us
to take care of these guys,
12
00:00:21,420 --> 00:00:23,220
But they're his problem,
not ours.
13
00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:24,220
- Drunks, huh?
- Yep.
14
00:00:24,350 --> 00:00:25,550
- Looks like a police problem.
15
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:27,150
- Exactly.
- What's with the wet pants?
16
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,290
- The wet your pants
challenge, bitch!
17
00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:30,760
[laughter]
- he called you a bitch!
18
00:00:30,890 --> 00:00:32,430
[laughter]
- what's that supposed to mean?
19
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,760
- What, you never heard of it,
chief queef?
20
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,900
[chuckles]
step one, you piss your pants.
21
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:40,700
Step two, film it.
[laughs]
22
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,370
- It's a new
social media craze.
23
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,170
You piss yourself in an
unexpected place and film it.
24
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:45,640
All the influencers
are doing it.
25
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,310
- Kylie jenner
pissed her yoga pants
26
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,640
At london bridge last week.
Broke the internet.
27
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,910
- It was pretty dope.
- Have you done it?
28
00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:53,710
- I'd rather not say.
29
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,180
- We wet ourselves five times
at the tacoma terriers game
30
00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,390
And three times just now.
[laughter]
31
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,060
- They are not getting
in my ambulance.
32
00:01:02,190 --> 00:01:03,390
- Yeah, they are.
- Yeah, they are.
33
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,060
- Public intoxication,
graffiti,
34
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,590
Vandalism--take 'em to jail.
35
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:10,660
- Well, I'm sorry to have
to play this card, but...
36
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:12,530
Guys...
37
00:01:12,670 --> 00:01:13,870
I'm gonna have
to take you to jail.
38
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,340
- Thank you.
39
00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:17,200
- For doing
the wet your pants challenge?
40
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,540
Be cool, brah. Social meeds.
41
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,940
- Or you could tell
these firefighters
42
00:01:21,940 --> 00:01:24,140
About your chest pain.
43
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,410
- I don't have chest pain.
44
00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:27,080
- Or you can tell
these firefighters
45
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:29,550
About your chest pain,
and legally,
46
00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:32,820
They have to take you to the er
instead of jail.
47
00:01:32,950 --> 00:01:34,090
- No, no.
48
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:35,220
Both: We have chest pain!
49
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:36,560
Ah, my chest!
50
00:01:36,690 --> 00:01:38,690
- Oh!
- Ow, my chest!
51
00:01:38,690 --> 00:01:40,490
- Yeah!
- You heard it.
52
00:01:40,630 --> 00:01:44,230
Chest pains,
or as I call it, incarceritis.
53
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:45,770
- No, no chance.
We're not taking these guys.
54
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:47,630
Absolutely not.
- Nope, he's right.
55
00:01:47,770 --> 00:01:49,040
We gotta take 'em.
Load 'em up.
56
00:01:49,170 --> 00:01:50,640
- Are you kidding me?
Come on.
57
00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:52,440
- We have no choice.
Those are the rules.
58
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,440
Load 'em up.
- Chief.
59
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:56,240
- All right, granny.
- Cap.
60
00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:57,640
- Might want to put on
a life jacket
61
00:01:57,780 --> 00:01:59,450
For the waterworks.
[laughs]
62
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:01,380
- And by water, he means piss.
63
00:02:01,380 --> 00:02:02,720
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?
64
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,390
- Wait, wait, wait,
take a video of me
65
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,920
Wetting myself
in the ambulance.
66
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,660
- No, I just cleaned
that ambulance out.
67
00:02:09,790 --> 00:02:12,590
No.
- Hey, you mind? Just one.
68
00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:14,130
- Come on.
- Want it vertical.
69
00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:16,600
- Oh, shit.
- Ah, my phone's all wet!
70
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,070
[laughs]
- come on, let's go. Hurry up.
71
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,270
[both imitating sirens]
72
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,270
[foreigner's "hot blooded"]
73
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,610
- ♪ well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
74
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:35,220
♪ check it and see ♪
75
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:38,620
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
76
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:40,550
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
77
00:02:42,690 --> 00:02:45,020
[slamming gavel]
78
00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:46,360
- Hear ye, hear ye,
79
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,300
This kangaroo court
is now in session.
80
00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:50,630
Let justice be served
for the crimes committed
81
00:02:50,630 --> 00:02:53,430
Within these walls,
may they be real or perceived.
82
00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:55,440
- Mm, good word, your honor.
83
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,900
- [chuckles]
thank you very much, bailiff.
84
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,440
- My first kangaroo court.
I'm a little nervous.
85
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,040
- Eh, don't worry
about it, probie.
86
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,710
It's all in good fun.
Nobody takes it too seriously.
87
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,510
- Bailiff, you may call
the first case.
88
00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:08,050
- All right, your honor,
the court of station 24
89
00:03:08,050 --> 00:03:10,120
Recognizes lucy mcconky.
90
00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:12,650
- Aha.
91
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:16,460
- Your honor,
theft is a heinous crime,
92
00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:18,390
And no thievery is lower
93
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:21,190
Than firefighter
on firefighter theft.
94
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,660
- Mm.
- You can say that again.
95
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:23,730
- Deplorable.
96
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,070
- As someone who enjoys
looking "noice,"
97
00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:29,470
I recently bought
a very expensive bottle
98
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:32,070
Of shampoo
to add extra body to my hair.
99
00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:35,610
Someone in this station
has been stealing
100
00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:37,880
That very expensive shampoo.
101
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,350
Your honor,
I bring before the court
102
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:44,820
The case of the people
versus ike crystal!
103
00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:47,760
[dramatic music]
104
00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:51,020
Both: Murmur, murmur,
murmur, murmur.
105
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:54,430
- Your honor, two weeks ago,
I bought this bottle
106
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,300
Of maurice pasqual
extra volumizing
107
00:03:57,300 --> 00:04:01,840
Ultra full body shampoo
for $189.99.
108
00:04:01,970 --> 00:04:04,640
- $189? For shampoo?
109
00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:06,640
- May I remind you
that you're the judge right now
110
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,640
And not my father?
- Yeah, but that's crazy.
111
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,040
- [chuckles]
- what's in that thing, gold?
112
00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:11,910
- Well, it's pretty common
for high-end shampoo
113
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:13,850
These days, your honor.
- Is that right, bailiff?
114
00:04:13,850 --> 00:04:16,650
- Indeed, and that right there
is the low end of the high end.
115
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:19,190
- Shut the front door!
Maybe I am crazy.
116
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,920
- No, no, you're not crazy.
117
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,390
- Thank you for your
shampoo expertise, bailiff.
118
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:23,860
- Well, I appreciate
your appreciation
119
00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:25,860
Of my expertise.
[both chuckle]
120
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,130
- As you might note,
the bottle is almost empty.
121
00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:30,460
[bottle rattles]
122
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,200
- Inspect that, bailiff.
- Yes, sir.
123
00:04:32,330 --> 00:04:33,800
[bottle rattles]
124
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,400
Yep, that's empty.
- I thought the same thing.
125
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:36,470
- Mm-hmm.
126
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:37,870
- Ike asked me to use it,
127
00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:40,210
And I declined
given its lofty price.
128
00:04:40,340 --> 00:04:44,410
Soon, the levels began to lower
and his hair became fluffier.
129
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:46,550
- Objection. Circumstantial.
130
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,620
- Sustained. Very good, ike.
131
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:50,350
That's good legalese.
- Yeah!
132
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:51,620
- Murmur, murmur, murmur.
- Murmur, murmur.
133
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,690
- Your honor,
I would like to call
134
00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:55,420
To the stand an expert witness,
135
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,620
Andres mickleberry!
136
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,360
[upbeat rock music]
137
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,230
Mickleberry, are you familiar
138
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,430
With maurice pasqual
extra volumizing
139
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:04,960
Ultra full body shampoo?
140
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,570
- I am. My mom uses it.
It smells like home.
141
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,300
- Mickleberry,
will you smell ike's hair
142
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,770
And tell me
what it smells like?
143
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,440
- I don't think we need
to do that, your honor.
144
00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:14,010
- I'll allow it.
- Mm.
145
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,910
- [sniffs deeply]
146
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:19,980
Ah, dios mío.
147
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,380
Maurice pasqual.
I'd bet my life on it.
148
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,590
- Objection!
Uh, speculation.
149
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,590
- He is an expert witness.
Overruled.
150
00:05:27,590 --> 00:05:28,860
- [chuckles]
he is an expert.
151
00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:30,390
- Yeah.
- Good call, your honor.
152
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:31,990
He had his nose in that thing
153
00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:33,790
Like it was another dog's ass.
- [laughs]
154
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,260
- Yes, I think he could smell
what he was thinking.
155
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,600
[both laugh]
156
00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:42,800
- And, your honor, I actually
saw ike use the shampoo.
157
00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:44,800
- What?
- Murmur, murmur.
158
00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:47,810
Both:
Murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur.
159
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,680
- We were showering
after a call
160
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:51,810
When ike mentioned
his dry hair.
161
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:55,880
- Ugh, these fires make my hair
so thin and flat and dry!
162
00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,020
Does that happen to you?
- Not really.
163
00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,220
[bottle whistles]
164
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,420
- Thanks a lot, obama.
165
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:08,630
Oh, hello, you.
[laughs]
166
00:06:08,630 --> 00:06:09,760
- Ike, don't!
That's lucy's.
167
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,430
- Yeah, no shit it's lucy's.
168
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:13,630
Chick shampoo fucking rules.
169
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,030
- You shouldn't steal
from other people.
170
00:06:15,170 --> 00:06:16,370
- It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
171
00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:17,910
I do this all the time.
172
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,640
"ike, that's not yours.
That's lucy's."
173
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,780
Shut up, bro! God.
174
00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:23,780
- I think that stuff
is really expensive.
175
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,450
- By the way, if you say
anything about this,
176
00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:27,110
I'm gonna waste you, bro.
177
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,650
Snap, crackle, pop!
178
00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,980
- Murmur, murmur.
- Murmur, murmur, murmur.
179
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,720
- Ugh, how do we know
he didn't do it?
180
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,390
He probably used it.
Look at his wavy, curly hair.
181
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,520
Look at how wavy it is.
- I have naturally curly hair.
182
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:39,530
- Your honor, we know
it wasn't mickleberry.
183
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:40,930
- And how do we know that?
184
00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:42,400
- Because mickleberry
is allergic
185
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,400
To maurice pasqual shampoo!
186
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,600
- It's true.
187
00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:47,130
I'm allergic
to the cleansing agent
188
00:06:47,270 --> 00:06:50,270
In maurice pasqual,
cocamidopropyl betaine.
189
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,940
It irritates my skin.
190
00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:53,970
Here's a note from my mother
stating such.
191
00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:56,680
- Bailiff,
enter that into evidence.
192
00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,810
- Entering to evidence,
your honor.
193
00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:00,810
"my son is allergic
to the cleansing agent
194
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:04,820
"cocamidopropyl betaine
in maurice pasqual shampoo.
195
00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:07,960
Maria mickleberry."
looks legit, your honor.
196
00:07:08,090 --> 00:07:09,360
- It does look legit.
197
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:10,890
All right.
[slams gavel]
198
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,890
This court is ready to rule.
- Judge ruling.
199
00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:18,500
- I hereby find ike crystal
guilty of the crime of theft.
200
00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:19,700
- What?
201
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,970
- I sentence you to reimburse
202
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:25,310
Lucy mcconky $189.99
using the cashmo app.
203
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:27,110
- Wait, whoa, whoa,
that's a lot of money!
204
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,110
- Furthermore,
upon recess of this court,
205
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,180
I order you to wash
that shampoo
206
00:07:31,310 --> 00:07:34,510
Right out of your hair,
and I also ban you
207
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,450
From using
any volumizing shampoo
208
00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:37,920
For one month.
- Yes.
209
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:39,720
- What?
I need to volumize.
210
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:40,850
I'm gonna look ridiculous.
211
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,520
[slams gavel]
- next case.
212
00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:43,860
[alarm blaring]
- alarm, engine 24.
213
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:46,060
Rescue 42,
respond to unknown odor.
214
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,000
- Okay, this court is adjourned
until the crew returns.
215
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:51,530
Thank you very much, everybody.
That was fun.
216
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,140
[slamming gavel]
217
00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:56,540
Hear ye, hear ye,
218
00:07:56,670 --> 00:07:58,540
This kangaroo court
is back in session.
219
00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,810
- Kangaroo court sucks.
- You suck.
220
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,140
- You suck.
- You suck.
221
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,140
- And the court
will now recognize
222
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,210
Captain edward penisi jr.
223
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:08,620
[smooth guitar riff]
- ♪ eddie ♪
224
00:08:08,750 --> 00:08:10,350
- Your honor...
225
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:15,090
We can all agree that treason
is a most heinous crime.
226
00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:17,220
- Oh, very heinous.
Isn't that right, bailiff?
227
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,490
- Most heinous crime I know.
228
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:20,090
- And if we sit by
229
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,900
While acts of treason
are committed,
230
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:24,960
Are we not ourselves traitors?
- We are traitors.
231
00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:26,970
Isn't that right, bailiff?
- Dirty dogs.
232
00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:29,040
- It is with this
weighing on my heart
233
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:33,310
That I accuse
chief terry mcconky of treason.
234
00:08:33,310 --> 00:08:36,180
- Murmur, murmur.
- Murmur, murmur, major murmur.
235
00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:37,380
- What? How?
236
00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:38,780
- I am accusing you
237
00:08:38,780 --> 00:08:41,250
Of being friends
with the enemy,
238
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:43,050
Police captain jerry polonsky.
239
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,780
- Murmur, murmur.
- Oh, shit, murmur, murmur.
240
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,990
- Oh.
- Murmur, baby, murmur.
241
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,390
- That's ridiculous.
Me friends with polonsky?
242
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,660
I can't wait to hear this one.
243
00:08:51,790 --> 00:08:53,130
- If it pleases the court,
244
00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,930
The prosecution
will now present its case.
245
00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:57,460
- It pleases the court.
Isn't that right, bailiff?
246
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:58,800
- Oh, from the rootie
to the tootie.
247
00:08:58,930 --> 00:09:00,230
- This'll be good.
248
00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:03,900
[slams gavel]
249
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,970
- Oh, ye, oh, ye.
Court is in session.
250
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,510
The honorable bailiff
granfield smith
251
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:10,980
Will now preside over the case
252
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,110
Of the people
versus terry mcconky.
253
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:14,050
Counselor.
254
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:16,720
- Chief mcconky,
you stand accused
255
00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:19,190
Of being friends
with captain jerry polonsky.
256
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,920
- Oh, boy,
this is gonna be a classic.
257
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,990
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, go ahead.
258
00:09:22,990 --> 00:09:24,990
- Terry,
today I am going to prove
259
00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:27,260
That the two of you have
a wealth of things in common,
260
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,530
And that that has lead you
to become secret close friends.
261
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,000
- [laughs]
come on.
262
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:34,130
He's a redhead.
They smell like mothballs.
263
00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:35,470
I mean, give me a break.
264
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,540
Why would I be friends
with that?
265
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:37,800
- Mm-hmm, indeed.
266
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,070
The other day,
267
00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:40,870
When we greeted the cops
with insults
268
00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:42,810
At the incarceritis imbroglio,
269
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:46,350
You not only greeted polonsky
with a very friendly,
270
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:50,080
"nice to see you,"
but you also sided with him
271
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,750
Against the tfd, did you not?
272
00:09:52,890 --> 00:09:54,960
- Murmur, murmur.
- Murmur, murmur, murmur.
273
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:57,420
- Okay, that's what
this is about?
274
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,160
Great. All right. Let's do it.
275
00:09:59,290 --> 00:10:01,230
- Terry, would you state
for me the name
276
00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:03,430
Of your favorite
country and western
277
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:04,900
Music recording artist please?
278
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,830
- Well, I think we all know
it's leigh weigh.
279
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,840
- And did you not attend
the leigh weigh concert
280
00:10:08,970 --> 00:10:10,700
Last month on the 29th?
281
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,370
- You freaking know I did.
282
00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:14,510
They closed with
"fresh cut grass
283
00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:15,910
And a piece o' ass."
284
00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:18,980
Nobody left.
- Your honor, exhibit a.
285
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,450
- Oh, great,
you're a tech guy now?
286
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:23,120
- This photo was posted
to jerry polonsky's
287
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:26,650
Boi-oi-oing page the morning
after the leigh weigh concert.
288
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,720
- So what?
He's a weigh watcher.
289
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:29,920
Maybe I should be friends
with him.
290
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:31,390
- But hold on one second.
291
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:33,330
I think
you were there together.
292
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:34,860
[laughter]
293
00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:36,730
- Oh, murmur, murmur.
- Murmur, murmur, murmur.
294
00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:38,130
- It's a good one.
- Whoo!
295
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:39,730
- Yeah, I went straight
from work.
296
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,470
- Chief mcconky,
do you recall that,
297
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,870
At our most recent
charity auction,
298
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:45,610
There were
two unclaimed tickets
299
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:47,410
To the bonney lake
arts & crafts fair?
300
00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:49,680
- Can't say that I do.
- Hm, that's very interesting,
301
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:50,880
Considering that
those two tickets
302
00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:52,350
Were pinned
to the bulletin board
303
00:10:52,350 --> 00:10:53,680
Outside of your office
for some time
304
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,020
Until they went missing.
305
00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:57,680
- Objection, your honor.
Who gives a shit?
306
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,350
[laughter]
307
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:01,820
- Counselor, you better be
going someplace with this.
308
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,220
- Oh, I am, your honor. I am.
309
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,890
Your honor, the bonney lake
arts & crafts fair
310
00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:08,160
Was on Saturday the 2nd
of this month.
311
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:11,360
Now, the night of the 2nd,
chief mcconky was caught
312
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,970
Running a red light camera
in the town of bonney lake.
313
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,100
- [gasps]
- oh.
314
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,840
- Murmur, murmur.
- Okay, so what?
315
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,310
- And how do you know this,
counselor?
316
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,510
- I know this
because terry showed me
317
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:24,850
The red light ticket photo.
318
00:11:24,980 --> 00:11:27,050
He thought it was funny.
- Big deal.
319
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:28,980
I think red light photo cameras
are funny.
320
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,720
- It's pretty funny.
- Yeah. See?
321
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:32,190
Everyone thinks they're funny.
322
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,060
- The thing we never discussed
was the identity
323
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:38,130
Of this person
obscured in the photo
324
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,590
Sitting next to terry
in his car.
325
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:41,790
- It's probably vicky.
- You don't recall?
326
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,400
- Probably vicky.
327
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,070
- Lucy, what did terry tell you
about that ticket?
328
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,130
- He bragged about
how he pulled some strings
329
00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:49,200
To get out of it.
- Oh.
330
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,270
Pulled some strings, did he?
Well, well, well.
331
00:11:52,410 --> 00:11:55,410
It must be very easy
to get out of a traffic ticket
332
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:58,080
When the passenger in your car
is a police captain.
333
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:01,820
Both: Murmur, murmur, murmur.
- Murmur, murmur, murmur.
334
00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:03,750
- Okay, this is stupid,
all right?
335
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,620
Now it's getting boring.
That was your best joke.
336
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:06,820
Let's move on now.
337
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,220
- Your honor,
I demand a retrial.
338
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,830
I was blatantly framed
for that shampoo crime.
339
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,090
I didn't do it.
- And if you were framed
340
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,900
For the shampoo,
why is your hair so flat now?
341
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:18,430
- I--stop.
I--
342
00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:21,840
[sighs]
look, I request a short recess
343
00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:23,440
So I can get
my case in order, please.
344
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:25,710
- Your case is over.
- But I'm innocent, I tell you!
345
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,710
I'm innocent! I was framed!
346
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,710
- Ike, I got the chief
on the ropes.
347
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,180
- What?
Whatever, "on the ropes."
348
00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:32,850
[alarm blaring]
fresh alarm, engine 24...
349
00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:34,110
- Okay, roll it out.
350
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:36,050
- We will resume
when we return.
351
00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:37,980
- [laughs]
- oh, man.
352
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,450
Did you see his face
353
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:40,790
When you brought up
the red light ticket?
354
00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:42,060
- Hysterical.
355
00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:43,860
Terry has five minutes
of fun in him,
356
00:12:43,990 --> 00:12:46,390
And then he gets cranky.
- And defensive.
357
00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:49,060
- Yeah, about me saying
he's friends with polonsky.
358
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,600
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
359
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,470
When we get back in there,
I am gonna hit him
360
00:12:52,470 --> 00:12:54,340
With some really stupid stuff
just to piss him off.
361
00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:56,800
- Who is in this photo?
- Probably vicky.
362
00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,810
- It doesn't really
look like her.
363
00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,140
I'ma text her.
364
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,810
"were you with dad in the car
365
00:13:03,810 --> 00:13:05,950
When he got
the red light ticket?"
366
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,610
- It's gotta be her.
367
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,950
Who else would terry go
to an arts & crafts fair with?
368
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,220
- She said "what ticket?"
369
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:13,950
Guess it's not her.
[knock at door]
370
00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:17,360
- Sorry, uh, you know I didn't
use the maurice pasqual, right?
371
00:13:17,490 --> 00:13:19,890
- Yes, you did, ike.
- No, I didn't, lucy.
372
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:22,230
- You look like a scarecrow.
- Oh, come on.
373
00:13:22,230 --> 00:13:23,560
Okay, maybe I used it once
374
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,500
Because my husky 3-in-1
men's body wash was out.
375
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:27,430
I used it one time,
376
00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:29,100
But there's no way
I used that much.
377
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,440
That's impossible.
378
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:31,700
Somebody else
is using it, okay?
379
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:32,910
And it wasn't me, lucy,
380
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:33,970
So stop looking
at me like that.
381
00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:35,510
It wasn't--you know what?
382
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,180
I'm gonna find out who,
and you can bet your ass
383
00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:38,850
I'm gonna find out,
and we're gonna solve it.
384
00:13:38,850 --> 00:13:40,780
- Mickleberry caught you
red-handed!
385
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,120
- Well, mickleberry is a liar!
386
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:44,790
- Guys, guys,
it's kangaroo court.
387
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:45,920
It's kangaroo court. Calm down.
388
00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,320
- Cap, I'm calm,
389
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,390
But I got robbed in there!
This is bullshit!
390
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,460
- Cap, can you kick him out
of our private lunch.
391
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,190
- Did you guys go
to blobby's without me?
392
00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:54,460
- Yeah, we did.
- Awesome.
393
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,130
You know it's my favorite.
- [laughs]
394
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,870
[upbeat rock music]
395
00:13:58,870 --> 00:13:59,870
- Blobby's sucks!
396
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:02,670
[slamming gavel]
- oh, ye!
397
00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,610
Oh, ye, oh, ye, oh, ye!
398
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:06,070
We resume the case
399
00:14:06,070 --> 00:14:07,740
Of the people
versus chief mcconky.
400
00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:09,410
- Okay, eddie, are we gonna
keep going with this?
401
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:11,610
I thought we got all the laughs
out of it, hm?
402
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,350
- Oh, your honor, I would like
403
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:15,020
To call another witness
to the stand.
404
00:14:15,150 --> 00:14:17,880
- Oh. Hey, sorry.
You guys having a meeting?
405
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:19,490
Well, what'd you want, lucy?
406
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:23,690
- Your honor, the people call
viccolina penisi-mcconky.
407
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:24,960
[dramatic musical sting]
408
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,490
- Oh, no,
not kangaroo court again
409
00:14:27,630 --> 00:14:29,500
- Mom, please,
just one quick question.
410
00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:31,630
- Yeah, but last time,
eddie accused terry
411
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,570
Of wearing spanx, and then--
412
00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:35,170
Then he tricked me
into testifying.
413
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:36,170
I don't want to do that again.
414
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:37,640
- I don't wear spanx.
415
00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:38,970
- Okay, let's not
talk about it.
416
00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:40,170
- It's super important.
417
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,310
- Five minutes, that's it.
418
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:43,110
- Mrs. Penisi-mcconky,
419
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,980
Thank you for taking time
out of your busy schedule
420
00:14:45,110 --> 00:14:47,510
To accommodate us.
- Let's get to it, eddie.
421
00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:49,580
- Mrs. Penisi-mcconky,
422
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,990
Do you remember terry going
to the leigh weigh concert
423
00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:53,450
Last month?
- Of course.
424
00:14:53,590 --> 00:14:55,320
He's still singing
that "ass in the grass" song.
425
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:58,390
- Honey, it's "fresh cut grass
and a piece o' ass."
426
00:14:58,390 --> 00:14:59,990
- Yeah, you know what I mean.
427
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:01,660
- I used to sing that song
to you when you rubbed my feet.
428
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,460
- We don't have
to tell everybody that.
429
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,270
- Do you remember with whom
terry went to the concert?
430
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,470
- Ike.
- Yeah?
431
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,270
Oh, me ike?
432
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,670
No, you're probably thinking
of a different guy named ike.
433
00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:14,210
- I actually said mike.
434
00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:15,680
Mike penkenten
from the treasurer's office.
435
00:15:15,810 --> 00:15:17,280
- No, you said ike.
436
00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:19,680
- I specifically said mike.
Mike penkenten.
437
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:22,950
- Murmur, murmur, murmur.
- No, not--not now.
438
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,690
- Wait, terry,
did you lie to me?
439
00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:26,620
- Are you kidding me?
Are you falling for this?
440
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,220
This is a joke.
441
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,960
- Vicky, is this you
in the car with terry?
442
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:36,100
- No, this is a man, eddie.
- Indeed. Indeed.
443
00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:37,630
- Terry, who did you go
to the concert with?
444
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:40,100
- Mike penkenten!
- Who is this in this picture?
445
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,370
- It's probably mike penkenten.
446
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,970
- Mike penkenten
is not a white guy.
447
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,910
- Okay, joke's over.
Come on, all right?
448
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,440
Lookit--she's getting mad
at me now.
449
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:47,970
Are you happy?
- All right, counselor.
450
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,310
Where are you going with this?
451
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,180
- Your honor,
it is the prosecution's belief
452
00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:53,180
That terry mcconky is
secretly attending events
453
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,650
With jerry polonsky.
454
00:15:54,780 --> 00:15:56,780
They went to the leigh weigh
concert together.
455
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:59,320
They went to the bonney lake
arts & crafts fair together,
456
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:02,660
And if you'd look at
these two photos side-by-side,
457
00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:05,390
They reveal
that the mystery passenger
458
00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:09,000
In terry's car is none other
than his open-mouthed friend
459
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:10,330
Jerry polonsky.
460
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,600
- Oh!
- Murmur, murmur.
461
00:16:12,740 --> 00:16:13,800
- Murmur, murmur.
462
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,200
- Vicky, this is a joke, okay?
463
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,740
This is a joke, all right?
464
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:20,010
- Your honor, the prosecution
brings to the stand
465
00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:23,140
Police captain
gerald mcrainey polonsky.
466
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:24,410
- Yeah, right.
467
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:26,750
He's actually here.
[chuckles]
468
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,420
- The hell do you want, penisi?
469
00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:29,620
You said there was a crime
being committed here.
470
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:31,890
- There is--
the crime of treason,
471
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,020
And terry mcconky is guilty!
472
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,890
All: Murmur, murmur, murmur,
murmur, murmur, murmur, murmur.
473
00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:39,160
- Yeah, we don't arrest people
for treason.
474
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,460
You need to call the feds.
475
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,500
[upbeat rock music]
476
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:48,570
- Jerry, would you consider
yourself to be friends
477
00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:52,170
With terry mcconky?
- Us? Friends?
478
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,240
I'd sooner eat a rat,
crap that out,
479
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,980
Eat that, crap that out,
feed that to another rat,
480
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:58,850
And then eat that rat.
481
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,250
- Objection, your honor!
482
00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:02,650
Super gross
and mildly confusing.
483
00:17:02,790 --> 00:17:04,180
- Sustained, ike,
but this isn't your case.
484
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:05,520
You can't object.
485
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:06,720
- Well, now that
I've got your attention,
486
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,520
Can I just tell you,
I'm innocent!
487
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,520
I paid lucy a lot of money
for that shampoo.
488
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:12,330
A lot of money!
- And there it is.
489
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:14,130
[cash register chimes]
thanks, ike.
490
00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:17,000
- Jerry, who did you go to
the leigh weigh concert with?
491
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,800
- Joe.
- I'm not falling for it.
492
00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:21,070
- Joe mama!
Ooh, ooh!
493
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,000
- Oh, joe mama.
That was awesome.
494
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:24,940
Like, joe--joe mama.
495
00:17:25,070 --> 00:17:27,410
It's like a knock-knock joke.
Forget it, man. Try to keep up.
496
00:17:27,410 --> 00:17:29,280
- Were you in terry's car
497
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,280
The night he got
the red light camera ticket?
498
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,680
- No, that was probably
your mom.
499
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:34,680
- Oh, zing.
He got her twice in a row.
500
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,480
- Yeah.
- Man, he's vicious.
501
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,150
- I'm sorry, terry,
did you want to be friends?
502
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:40,350
Maybe our kids can date again
with the...
503
00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:42,090
[singing, trilling]
504
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:43,890
- Okay.
- Hey.
505
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:45,690
- That's offensive.
- Her mother is here.
506
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:47,630
- Oh, my god.
507
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,360
Uncle eddie,
you gotta see this.
508
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:52,370
[soft dramatic music]
509
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,370
- [gasps]
510
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,170
- All right, cap,
can you wrap this up?
511
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,770
- Not just yet, your honor.
512
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:01,110
I call terry mcconky
back to the stand.
513
00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:03,310
- Okay, eddie, joke's over.
All right? Really.
514
00:18:03,310 --> 00:18:05,180
- Terry,
did you recently purchase
515
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,450
A wicker basket?
516
00:18:07,450 --> 00:18:09,580
[dramatic musical sting]
517
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:13,390
- I don't recall.
- Honey, yes, you did.
518
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,720
It's in the bathroom.
519
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,190
It's holding
your boat magazines.
520
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,590
- Oh, thanks, honey.
521
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:21,530
- Everyone,
this is lucy's cashmo app.
522
00:18:21,530 --> 00:18:24,600
Note the top payment,
ike crystal to lucy mcconky.
523
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:27,600
Terry, are you aware
that cashmo allows you
524
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,540
To view
your friends' transactions
525
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,270
As well as your own?
- How?
526
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:32,810
- That's just
the way cashmo works.
527
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,210
- Everybody knows that.
- Why would they do that?
528
00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:36,680
- Social media.
- It's not social media.
529
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,480
It's banking transactions.
530
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,750
- Terry, did you reimburse
jerry for a wicker basket?
531
00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:49,420
Did you or did you not
reimburse jerry polonsky
532
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,560
For a wicker basket
that you purchased
533
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,160
At the bonney lake
arts & crafts fair?
534
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,960
- Objection!
Your honor, objection.
535
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,030
- Overruled.
I want to hear this.
536
00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,970
- If it pleases the court...
537
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,440
Everybody,
notice the bottom payment
538
00:19:04,570 --> 00:19:05,970
From one month ago.
539
00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:10,710
[all gasp]
540
00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:13,380
- Chief.
541
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,520
- Dad, was polonsky
in the car with you?
542
00:19:15,650 --> 00:19:18,320
- Terry, is that who you went
to the concert with?
543
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,920
- Terry, are you friends
with polonsky?
544
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,660
- That's ridiculous!
545
00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:25,730
- No, I'm not friends
with polonsky.
546
00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:27,990
- You are under oath.
- No, I'm not under oath.
547
00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:30,330
This is kangaroo court.
- Tell us the truth.
548
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,530
- You want the truth?
- Yeah, I want the truth.
549
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:35,140
- You want the truth?
- Yeah, I want the truth!
550
00:19:35,270 --> 00:19:36,870
- I can't handle the truth.
- Yes.
551
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,670
Yes, I went
to the arts & crafts fair
552
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,540
With polonsky!
553
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,810
We called it our crafternoon,
and we got baskets,
554
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:47,080
And we got dreamcatchers,
and we watched glassblowing,
555
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,420
And we had funnel cake,
and you know what?
556
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:52,550
We had a great time
because we're friends!
557
00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:55,360
- We are friends.
- There, I said it.
558
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,160
And I feel free now!
How's that?
559
00:19:58,290 --> 00:19:59,890
- How long
has this been going on?
560
00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:02,100
- I ran into him
at the bert kreisher concert
561
00:20:02,230 --> 00:20:03,430
In February.
562
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,830
We chatted. We laughed.
We hit it off.
563
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:08,170
He's hysterical.
- He's hysterical.
564
00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:09,500
- Oh, and you know what?
565
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,910
I went to the leigh weigh
concert with him too,
566
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,510
But you'd know that
if you'd just looked
567
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,380
At your picture more closely.
568
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:18,040
My reflection
is in the sunglasses!
569
00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:23,980
I had the time of my life.
570
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,790
- Why have you been
keeping this from us?
571
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,390
- He's a cop!
It's like "romeo and juliet."
572
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,860
- With a dude every weekend?
- It's so weird.
573
00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:30,790
- Besides, you're not
supposed to make friends
574
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,590
Over 40 with random new people.
- Watching netflix by myself.
575
00:20:32,590 --> 00:20:33,990
- Why is it any different?
- Nobody accepts it!
576
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,600
- This is crazy!
- You think I'm weird?
577
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:36,930
- There's a tradition
of the fire department
578
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,470
Hating the police.
- You guys have been
579
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,670
Coming at me forever!
580
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,740
- Order!
Order in the courtroom!
581
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:45,070
- And I don't wear spanx!
- Order! Order!
582
00:20:45,070 --> 00:20:48,610
- [sniffing]
583
00:20:48,610 --> 00:20:51,080
- Mom?
- [sniffs]
584
00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:53,610
Eddie, have you been using
585
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,480
Maurice pasqual
extra volumizing
586
00:20:56,490 --> 00:20:58,550
Ultra full body shampoo?
587
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,890
- What?
- Lucy uses it.
588
00:21:00,890 --> 00:21:03,090
- You were using it?
- No, it's not maurice pasqual.
589
00:21:03,230 --> 00:21:05,360
It's not maurice pasqual.
It's not maurice pasqual.
590
00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:06,560
- [sniffs]
I smell it
591
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,760
All over the place here.
Wow, you guys.
592
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,500
[sniffing]
it's there. It's there.
593
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,430
We got it--
- what are you, a bloodhound?
594
00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:14,700
- [sniffing]
595
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,570
Mickleberry, you too?
596
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,770
Terry, what are you
paying these guys?
597
00:21:20,910 --> 00:21:22,240
- What?
598
00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:23,840
You said
you were allergic, bro!
599
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,380
- Okay, so what?
It makes my curls look awesome.
600
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,580
- You owe me $189.
You both owe me $189.99.
601
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,320
[laughs]
oh, baby, yes!
602
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,190
- Wait, what--ow.
- [sniffs]
603
00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:40,930
I cannot believe this!
This is rampant collusion!
604
00:21:40,930 --> 00:21:42,800
- He's the ringleader.
He always has been.
605
00:21:42,930 --> 00:21:45,930
- Mickleberry did it!
[slamming gavel]
606
00:21:46,070 --> 00:21:47,940
- Order in my courtroom!
607
00:21:49,270 --> 00:21:52,340
Looks like I got a lot
of sentences to hand down.
608
00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:53,940
- And some to retract.
609
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:57,480
- And I'm the only one
who's not a shampoo thief.
610
00:21:57,610 --> 00:21:59,550
Cap, you should be ashamed
of yourself.
611
00:21:59,550 --> 00:22:01,620
- Eh, I'm not sorry.
My hair's sweet.
612
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:03,350
- I hope you go bald.
613
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:06,350
- Chief terry mcconky,
this court finds you guilty
614
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:10,420
Of secretly being friends
with captain jerry polonsky.
615
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,690
We're gonna take a short recess
to figure out your punishment.
616
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:15,060
[slams gavel]
617
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:19,230
- Ooh, embroidered mushrooms.
Look at that.
618
00:22:19,370 --> 00:22:20,630
- Hey.
- Huh?
619
00:22:20,770 --> 00:22:22,440
- You're a fun guy.
- [laughs]
620
00:22:22,570 --> 00:22:23,640
That's a good one.
- Thank you.
621
00:22:23,770 --> 00:22:25,510
- Oh, man.
Ooh, candles.
622
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:27,240
Look at this.
[laughs]
623
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,310
- I love fragrances.
624
00:22:29,310 --> 00:22:30,580
- Ah.
[sniffs]
625
00:22:30,710 --> 00:22:31,650
Mm.
- Hit me.
626
00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:33,980
[sniffs]
sand and fog.
627
00:22:33,980 --> 00:22:36,520
I'd bet anything.
- Oh!
628
00:22:36,650 --> 00:22:38,180
Huh?
Nailed it.
629
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,720
- Hey, guys, wait up.
Check it out.
630
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,920
Dreamcatchers,
tons of 'em back there.
631
00:22:42,930 --> 00:22:43,920
- Sweet.
632
00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,790
- Also,
there's a booth back there
633
00:22:45,790 --> 00:22:48,260
With homemade sleep masks
with animal faces on 'em.
634
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,600
I'm talking, like, owl eyes,
racoon eyes, and whatnot.
635
00:22:51,730 --> 00:22:53,600
- Shut up.
- I've gotta get one of those.
636
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,200
- Me too!
[laughter]
637
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,940
- I gotta tell you
something, eddie.
638
00:22:57,070 --> 00:22:58,670
When granny handed down
that sentence
639
00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:00,140
And said that you couldn't
use hair product
640
00:23:00,140 --> 00:23:01,880
And that we should spend
the day together
641
00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:03,880
At the arts & crafts fair,
I thought it was a punishment,
642
00:23:04,010 --> 00:23:06,080
But your hair looks great,
and this has been a lot of fun.
643
00:23:06,210 --> 00:23:07,210
- It really has.
644
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:08,820
I have to be honest.
645
00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:10,420
I didn't think I could hang out
with a cop,
646
00:23:10,550 --> 00:23:12,020
Specifically this cop.
647
00:23:12,150 --> 00:23:14,550
- You.
- But this has been terrific.
648
00:23:14,690 --> 00:23:16,490
- Really terrific.
[chuckles]
649
00:23:16,630 --> 00:23:18,290
Hey, homemade bookmarks.
650
00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:19,690
- What?
- You guys read?
651
00:23:19,830 --> 00:23:20,960
- Of course.
- Okay, okay, hold on.
652
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:22,830
I'll get some.
- I'll catch up with you.
653
00:23:22,970 --> 00:23:24,360
- Hey, anyway,
I wanted to thank you
654
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:26,900
For being so cool about
terry and I being friends,
655
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,900
And who knows, maybe one day,
the three of us,
656
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,110
Maybe we'll be a trio.
[chuckles]
657
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,110
- Not on your life.
658
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,640
I'm gonna bide my time
like a lion in tall grass,
659
00:23:36,650 --> 00:23:38,710
And then poof,
I'm gonna eat you,
660
00:23:38,850 --> 00:23:41,920
Bones and all,
and you're gonna be gone,
661
00:23:42,050 --> 00:23:44,790
And no one will ever miss you.
662
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,150
Hey, terry, wait up!
I love bookmarks!
663
00:23:49,130 --> 00:23:50,990
- That's not a very nice thing
to say to somebody.
664
00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:52,730
- Here, let's come back here.
Let's come--
665
00:23:52,860 --> 00:23:53,930
There's something
I want to show you down here.
666
00:23:54,060 --> 00:23:55,130
- Yeah.
- The dreamcatchers.
667
00:23:55,260 --> 00:23:56,860
- Oh, where are
the dreamcatchers?
668
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,330
- They're right back here.
- Oh, great, okay.
669
00:23:58,470 --> 00:23:59,400
Should we get jerry or--
670
00:23:59,540 --> 00:24:01,170
- Nah, nah, nah. He'll be fine.
50238
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.