All language subtitles for Watching s05e03 Feeding

It was boredom at first sight.

You could hardly call him bright.

He is no one's Mr.

Right. So what do I see in him?

But then I'm not so ideal.

I'm not gentle or genteel. So the
question should be what does he...

It's in the microwave.

I know.

I didn't know if I could trust you.

Here I am, here you are, showing me your
itch. It looks horrible.

Make you taste it.

Is there nothing else?

There was an egg in the fridge, but it
didn't have any cooking instructions on

it.

Are you trying to make a point or
something?

Me? No.

I have to work late to stay on top of
things.

What, every night?

just till I catch up with myself.

Would you mind pouring me a cup of tea,
then?

Tea? Yes, please.

This is also my home.

Oh, I've had hell of a day. The phone
has just never stopped.

I ordered a new crack case from an AJS
weeks ago. They rang this afternoon and

said it was in. I went to get it, and
guess what?

It was the wrong one.

Yes.

How did you know? Well, whenever you
tell a story, it's always the wrong one.

Whether it's a new crankcase, a new dust
cover for your wallet, or a new goalie

for your Subutio.

Oh.

Oh, I see. A bit boring, am I?

No. It's not a bit.

No, I can't eat this.

I at least had a decent lunch today,
anyway.

Oh, yeah.

And talking of crankcases, how is your
mother?

No need for that, Brenda. I don't insult
your mother.

You can if you want.

Yeah, well, I don't want to.

You didn't have a method, have you?

You're the kind of person you can't
insult because you never listen. I mean,

I was to say to her, don't drink that
tea, it was made two hours ago, she'd

still go ahead and drink it.

It's cold.

A bit like you, really.

I'll bring the coffee through in a
moment.

Right. Oh, will you have room for it?

Yeah, I think so.

Good lunch, though, isn't it? Oh, aye.

Oh, she certainly pulls out all the
stops when you're here.

Yeah, well, she's always been a good
cook.

And Brenda?

Brenda?

Is she a good cook?

Possibly.

I see.

Well, there's still time.

Anyway, they say you can't be good at
both.

Both?

Well, cooking and cleaning.

Cleaning? Yeah.

What about neither?

I've got something to show you when we
get in.

Oh, great.

You discovered your navel.

It's a picture of me and Sarah.

In the times.

The times?

The first distant times.

Big deal.

Is that why you made me meet you here
and co -drive this thing? It's not about

the service idea.

It's the lifting.

He doesn't think it's wise, me being,
you know, as I am, in my condition.

Pregnant? Yeah.

He gets very concerned about these
things.

Please.

Usually has the afternoon off on a
Wednesday anyway, doesn't he? Yes, but

important reason for that.

Oh, but I don't complain.

I mean, I knew what he was.

It's no good going into marriage trying
to change people.

As your old Aunt Maggie used to say, if
you don't like what you see in the

window, you shouldn't go in the shop.

And she should know.

Why? She married a right dummy.

So what about you, Malcolm?

Oh, I don't know.

But maybe I didn't do enough window
shopping.

She'll be asleep for ages now, after all
that excitement.

We've got to move over. I'll get in with
her in a minute.

Are you sure you can manage those?

Oh, yeah. Save you going in the car
again.

How many of you live here?

What do you mean?

Well, you just shop once a year.

Well, you'd be surprised where it all
goes.

Would I? But we usually just put it in
our mouths. But go on, surprise me. So

it just because you live on fresh air?

Anyway, we entertain a lot. A lot of
what?

Locusts. Are you there?

Yes, love.

We're making tea.

In a minute.

Good, I'm dying at first.

Great easy chance.

Let him die.

What was that?

Good eye.

She's been watching neighbours.

I've served her right.

The thing is, you ask, no.

I've got the semis of the match play
this afternoon.

It's on my way home. I called in for an
hour with the pro.

Does she take lunch in a belted?

He was working on my swing.

Then after I was in the car park, this
clown backed his Skoda into my trolley.

I've heard it.

What? The trolley was OK, but the Skoda
was a write -off.

It's not in truth.

My trolley is far from OK, and I'm on
the first tee in two hours.

Well, you can straighten it, can't you?
No, you need a proper tool.

Just like the one you married.

What is she doing here?

You subjected her.

Malcolm!

What? Malcolm's got one. He used it to
straighten the axle when we had the

accident with the pram.

Which pram?

What?

Which pram did you have an accident
with?

It was ages ago. Which pram?

Did I say pram? I meant shopping
trolley. No, you didn't. Yeah, I did.

same as a golf trolley, only the
vegetables go in it instead of pulling

When did you have an accident with a...
Look, do you want to fix it or not?

If you go round now, he'll do it while
you wait, or sooner if he's not busy.

Yeah, well, I suppose I could. Then I
could go straight on.

You will be there, won't you? Well, he
usually goes to his mum's for lunch, but

he'll be back by 6.

Hold on a sec. This accident...

You mentioned the craft.

So where is it?

What? The paper? Did you pose for it? Or
did you catch it unawares with a

telephoto? I don't think I'd like to
convey my city.

Oh, the time!

Oh, it's just our little free sheet.

It has a horse show. Oh, for the page.

Say John's face.

Oh, what happened to him?

Nice to see you.

And you.

It was very windy.

Our photograph shows Mrs Pamela Lynch,
mother of 11.

Does David know about this?

Next column.

Oh, sorry. Mrs Pamela Lynch, mother of
11 -month -old Sarah Lynch. They are

admiring a display of locally grown
produce.

Courgette? Is that a new Whittle swear
word?

We didn't go to the greengrocers, did
we? I knew there was something. I need

them for today.

Brenda, when you're making stuffed
courgettes, the one essentially needed

courgette.

Malcolm. Oh, not again.

I was going to ring him anyway. You need
to lift back.

How many?

Two big ones.

But you don't know, I can't hold on him.
I mean, I couldn't lift out now. No,

don't bother. Adds a bit of excitement
to his life.

Oh, stupid answer phone. He can't be
back yet.

Anyway, Pamela, it means he'll have to
leave early before the shop shuts.

At least I won't be left here twiddling
my thumbs all after... Hang on, here we

go.

It's Brenda.

Now, listen carefully.

When you finish this afternoon, call
round to our parents and pick me up.

you got that?

I said, have you got that?

Good. Hold on, I haven't finished yet.

On your way round, call in at the
greengrocers.

That's right, the greengrocers.

And pick up some courgettes.

That's right, courgettes.

Two of them.

How many?

Good. And you'd better finish earlier or
our pal will shout.

They're going to straighten David's bent
fist.

Say bye -bye.

Hi. Hi.

Brenda said you were always back by,
too.

I had some parts to collect. Well, I'm
after a favour, actually.

Can you straighten a bent axle?

No way.

I mean, that's the job for the experts,
isn't it?

A Skoda clobbered it.

Just goes to show, can't believe the
ads.

No, not my car.

This.

Oh, right.

Yeah, that's bent.

Can you fix it?

Sure, leave it with me.

Actually, I've got a game in just over
an hour. Is there any chance?

I suppose so. What are mates for, eh?

Yeah, true.

What are mates for, eh?

All part of the image, you used to say.
Yes, well, if we could... Never got

round to it. Hey, I'll tell you what,
though.

If you're ever short of a partner, could
you give me a ring? Yes, I'll do that.

I probably wouldn't be much good at
first.

Hey, we'd probably lose the first few
hours, wouldn't we? Well, we've all got

start. Hey, I did play badminton,
though.

Would you want me to hold the other end,
or anything? No, no, it's OK. See,

that's the thing about sports, isn't it?
If you've got a knife at the ball, you

can turn your hand to almost anything,
can't you? Yeah. I don't know about

fishing or motorcycle racing. I have a
recurve, might I help, eh?

Well, you see, in my case, it wasn't a
ball.

What?

Shut the cock.

What are you doing?

There's a message.

Yeah, well, if you have to, I have to...
It might be important.

Two. Right.

So don't just stand there, go and say to
David to Benford, say bye -bye.

Bye -bye.

But it's a machine.

Yeah, a very clever machine.

Right, where's that joy?

Hello?

Oh, hello, Malcolm.

Oh, your company.

Hi, Marge.

What were you doing under there to think
it was the rentman?

We don't pay rent.

No? Well, I must say, you've got it very
nice for a squatter.

How you put up with her, Malcolm, I do
not know.

Right, so where is it, then?

Oh, where?

Would you not have a cup of tea first?

Well, you said it was urgent.

Well, it makes a lot of noise.

It swishes stuff round.

And even after ten minutes, it's still
lumpy.

Turn that off for me, will you, lovey?
She's taking my little zapper off me.

So?

So? Malcolm said you suggested I came
round with him.

Oh, that's right, I rang him on the
quiet.

I thought we could have a little chat.

Of course.

What about?

Oh, just how you're getting on.

The house, you mean?

Er, yes, the house. It's fine. Good.

Is that it, then?

Well, what about you?

Me? I'm fine as well.

Oh, good.

And Malcolm?

Malcolm?

Can't we talk about something really
interesting, like furniture polish?

He is all right, though.

You see as much of him as I do.

Oh, aye. He's round here every
lunchtime.

I know.

For his lunch.

It was the best time to eat it.

They're very good lunches.

What are you getting at, Peggy?

Well, it's like this, lovey.

He's a man.

And we both know, well, let's face it,
men are not very bright.

Even the bright ones are not very
bright.

And Malcolm... About 40 what?

I'd have said 60.

But he's susceptible.

And the them -as -nose is susceptible.

And them -as -nose are not beyond
playing on it.

I'm afraid it's a bought one.

Things I couldn't use the... Yeah, it's
a clutch mechanism.

You'll be needing a new one of these.

Oh, I see.

You don't happen to have one with you?
Is it likely?

Well, you put new clutch things on
bikes.

Perkins in town.

Well, they sell them, do they?

Should I give you the money now?

Mother, I've got rather a lot on at the
moment.

I see.

All right, we'll pass in that way Monday
afternoon.

Oh, good.

So you'll fix it Monday evening? Yes.
I'll expect you.

It's very hard for a woman on her own,
you know.

Don't I know it.

So, you see what I'm getting at, love?

I suppose so.

Well, they've all got their little
weaknesses.

I mean, you take my Bernard.

Somebody already asked.

Now, you see, his problem was he always
just had to chase women.

All that's changed is that these days he
can't remember why.

Fast asleep.

Good. I know.

Actually, I just called round at Mum's,
but she was out.

Did you try next door?

No, why?

Well, that's where she'll be. She'll
have seen you coming, nipped out the

and over the fence.

That's true. Well, Gerald told me she
did it with me last week.

Yeah, well, that's understandable, but
why to me?

Perhaps she didn't want to be accused of
favouritism.

She's not like other mothers, is she?
No, well, that's a rumour. I wonder

we went wrong.

How are you, Brent?

If you're after help with the shopping,
I've got a bad back.

Why? What?

Since I helped you with the shopping.
No, this was purely a social visit.

Second best to mums, am I? Yeah. Yeah,
well, if you're after feeding, you're

of luck.

Have you nothing in?

There might be a yoghurt in the fridge.

There's some broccoli in the freezer,
but it's also got mixed up with a tub of

raspberry ripple.

So bad.

The 15th was last week.

Well, it was sold by the 15th. It
doesn't say when you have to eat it by.

some cheesy crackers in the airing
cupboard. I dropped the packet in the

What about tonight?

What about it? His meal?

Oh, hey, Pam, we're not into the housey
-housey scene.

Not like you and the clockwork banana.

Brenda, come off it. It's only fair that
if he's out working all day, the least

you can do is have a meal ready for him
when he gets there. This is the second

time in three days I've coughed for a
sermon over Malcolm's belly.

Look, for a start, I never know when
he's due.

And for a finish, I don't think I should
start playing those games because I've

seen what it can do to people.

People not a million miles away from
this Hygiena Holloway. Oh, is he?

And you don't mind spending 48 hours a
day stuffing courgettes and disposing of

disposables while he's out golfing,
gorging and guzzling?

Well, I admit that sometimes I do feel a
bit put upon.

But it's got its compensations.

Look what he gave me for my birthday.

Yeah, well, if you'd hold your belly in,
no -one will notice.

My car.

Brenda, Malcolm's a good one. You should
look after him.

He's a fella, Pamela, not a red...
That's what I'm showing across.

You don't do anything all day. Don't rub
it in.

Anyway, I'm getting a job. When?

Who? Where?

I don't know, but I'm fed up moping
around here all day.

Right, well, until you do, you could at
least look after him. OK, I will.

Good. Tonight.

All right, I'll go the chippy.

Come on, big Brenda.

There must be a recipe book around here
somewhere. I'll help you choose

something. No.

OK.

Something easy.

Look. Pamela, Malcolm won't have
forgotten the last time I took your

recipe. What?

Oh, yeah, you'd just met him. Yeah, and
it was almost hello and goodbye and

family flowers only.

Invite him out to the flat, she said.
Choose the recipe from me collection,

said. Yeah, well, it would have been
fine if you'd read it properly. The word

was apic.

But you're right. So bad you should have
been a doctor.

I would have needed to be if you'd gone
ahead.

Yeah. I'll never forget his face when I
told him we were having chicken and

arpic.

just in time.

Am I?

Well, it won't take me a minute. Are you
waiting to use it?

No, not that thing, no.

Here it is.

It's ready.

It's your favourite.

I've just had a big job. Double burger.

And why?

Because you're not fed properly over
there. That's why.

Well, that's not true.

Actually, very nice.

Well, I must say, Marjorie, for someone
who's lived such a sheltered life, you

do some really amazing things with
parsnips.

Yes, well, you'd spend more time at the
stove instead of all that gallivanting.

Then Bannister Bernard wouldn't have
been so keen to wander.

Bannister Bernard? Not as you call him
that before.

Oh, we're reverting.

Sisters living together again.

Takes us back to our youth.

Yeah, but why Bannister? Was he a four
-minute miler or something?

Depends who was chasing him.

Bannister was your mother's name for
him. When we were young and used to go

to parties, Bernard would always be the
first to wind up the stairs. Oh, very

good. I'm sure I wasn't the first to say
it. Oh, she was quite witty then, you

know. Oh, a bit of a wild one.

Eat your sweet, Peggy.

Would you have some more, Malcolm?

No, thanks. I must get on.

Brenda rang this afternoon, said I'm not
to be late. She must want to go out

this evening or something.

Oh, yeah? Where will you go?

Pictures, I suppose.

This is great.

Oh, well, enjoy yourself.

And remember, as our Marjorie used to
say to me, once bitten, remember to put

your polo -neck sweater on before your
mam gets in.

You rascal.

Let's have your coke down.

You hungry?

No.

No? No, well, I've... You've what?

I've got a bit of a cold coming. I was
taking the edge off my appetite.

Well, this will sharpen it.

Why the... I mean, what's the... Does
there have to be a reason?

No, no, no. Of course not, no.

Just that you don't usually... Well, you
haven't before.

Well, I have now.

It's not chicken and arctic, is it?

It's duck and domestic.

There's a joke.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Some more chips if you want them.

No, no, this is... This is fine.

So you're not... I had mine an hour ago.

Oh. Do you want some of this?

No, thanks.

Where have you been?

Work. I rang.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I had to call somewhere
on the way home.

Annette. No.

You've eaten already, haven't you?

Yes.

Yeah.

Well, that's great, isn't it?

What? I mean, no, no.

Yes.

Yes.

And there's chocolate pudding. Oh, no.

So you've been getting to your mother's
for your tea, have you? No, no, I

haven't, no. I just called there with a
spare part for a food process and she

got this big meal ready and she... Made
you eat it? No, she was cooking for

Peggy. Don't stop!

Glass of water?

I'll get it.

Thanks. I'll get you sweet, then.

Do you want custard?

Er, please.

Looks good.

I make it a special effort, you know.

Thanks. You're not helping.

I appreciate it.

Home comforts. Right.

Right.

I think I'd better have a shower now.

And then we could go for a walk.

A walk?

Yeah, well, it's a nice night for it,
isn't it?

It's not a walk.

I knew that.

Oh, yeah?

Dead romantic?

Only it does take the edge off things
when the person you're with can't go ten

yards without belching.

Sorry. My turn to shower and your turn
to wash up. Oi, oi, oi, it's always my

turn to wash up. How is it? Well, I wish
you'd told me before I did the

breakfast things this morning.

Oh, did the breakfast things, did she?
Well, who's been eating the cornflakes

then? The cat?

Oh, we haven't got a cat, so there.

See, that's my problem.

Always give in.

People get to know and take advantage.

That's the trouble with being easygoing
and willing and helpful.

They just say, oh, get Malcolm, he'll do
it.

Fix the trolley, pick up the courgettes.

Just pat him on the head and throw him a
fish.

What's up?

Upstairs.

It's him.

Bernard? Bernard's back.

Oh, I wish I'd known before.

Why? We could have had me dinner.

Have I fallen in his spell?

Does he drown me in Chanel?

Is he vibrant?

Is he else? So what do I see in him?

Am I dazzled by his style?

Has he made my life worthwhile?

Does he melt me with his smile?

Don't make me laugh.

He's a fool.