Original subtitles

It was boredom at first sight.

You could hardly call it right.

Is no one Mr.

Right? But what do I see in him?

But then I'm not the right deal.

I'm not gentle or genteel. So the wedding should be what I'll do.

Is she all right?

Well, she's settled.

I think I'll be joining her shortly.

Oh, you've only been in from work an hour.

I'm sorry.

It's just that I'm absolutely shattered.

The whole office is in a mess, with two people sick.

Not on your new carpet.

They're off, Dick.

Trouble is, the whole office system needs reorganising.

Perhaps I could get someone in for a month.

Some bloke with genuine office management skills.

Why a bloke?

Well, it's quite complicated, you know. I'd straighten the place out in a

fortnight. Ooh, I don't think so.

If it wasn't for Sarah, I'd show you.

Could you, really?

Too right.

Good, cos I've been in touch with an agency.

What? And they can supply a live -in mother's help for any... Hold on, hold

I didn't say... Well, I suppose it does call for a little bit more nows than,

say, working in an insurance office, but... Don't push it, Lynch, or I'll be

claiming the insurance on you.

Yeah. Find him, OK?

Yeah, he was still by the phone box.

He says he thinks he might have sheared the gearbox, Brocky. What do you think?

I think it might rain again this afternoon.

Well, it is clouding over.

If I undo these straps, get it up on a ramp and start stripping. Oh, not today,

Malcolm. Come without me tassels.

If you want today, you stop messing about.

Sorry, it was just a joke.

Right. Can I borrow yours?

I've warned you.

Spanners. On the bench. Now, look, if you're not interested in working... I

honest. Look, I'm learning, aren't I?

I stripped both carburettors on that BMW yesterday and checked the filter.

Well, I know I didn't find anything, but I'm sure it was a fuel problem.

Oh, it was.

Oh, have you fixed it?

Tank was empty.

Pam? I'm up here.

Oh, hi.

Hello, love.

Did the agency call?

Yes. And?

Oh, I'm sorry. I just couldn't go through with it. What?

Oh, no. Pam, I'm depending on you. We need someone with your organising

Knock it off. I just couldn't settle with the idea of some complete stranger

taking over with Sarah.

But last night you agreed.

It'll only be for two weeks at the most. Yeah, well, I'll still do it. But I've

arranged for my own au pair.

Oh, hell.

No, okay.

I'm just going up to tend to the infant, madam. Would you say I like anything

before I go?

What? A martini in the library, perhaps. Or would you prefer one in a glass?

Oh, Pamela.

What was that?

Brenda. Yes, I know it was Brenda. What was she on about?

Something our nan used to sing when she'd had a few drinks and was...

Performing? That's the word.

Pamela, this is a mistake, you know.

What, me work in your place?

Brenda. Sarah knows that?

Yeah, so do I.

Just after eight.

Well, don't slam the door, eh?

No problem. Sarah's always awake by seven.

Yeah, but I won't be.

See?

She's joking.

Don't worry. I'll look after Daddy's little angel like she's never been

after before.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Can she swim yet?

Only the crawl.

It's just I've got this mate who's into scuba diving.

Let's pay her off and get a real one. All right, all right. I'm not messing.

Have you finished that list?

Nearly. Can you think of anything?

We've run out of telephone cleaning fluid. Right.

What? It's a special liquid with a milder disinfectant. You've been getting

dirty phone calls.

I'll just check the kitchen.

Don't worry, Daddy.

Tomorrow you'll come home to a lovely meal.

What time's the chippy show?

I was thinking I'd go through Hoylake with the chariot for that lot.

It's a bit of a way.

Well, not when you're young.

It's a nice drop of sea air to do as both the world are good.

Oh, aye. Not thinking of... Stopping in at Mel's on the way, are you? I do, just

for a nibble.

Lunch. What else?

And afterwards, I'll help Malcolm fulfil his secret ambition to drive a shopping

trolley, so secret he doesn't even know he's got it yet.

Got it all sussed, have you? Yep.

And then he can take us on a tour of Deepest Whittle.

Is there to have a bit of Burt and Marsh?

No, not yet. We thought we'd stick with Keldon Croop for the time being.

Save the pneumonia till she's a bit older.

A bit of danger.

A pair of wellies and a snorkel, she'll love it.

And how will you get her there? In the back of the sidecar, I suppose?

No, the sidecar's not on these days. Too right it's not.

Oh, dear.

No, we'll probably tow the pram behind.

What sort of cheese is Prince de Claverville?

It's made from ewes milk.

What? The milk is from ewes. What, like Emlyn Ewes?

Aubergine, Dale, what's all this for?

We're entertaining.

What, you mean you use them in conjuring tricks?

and they do crunch and trip.

Oh, don't be soft. We're having people here.

Oh, you mean like we did in the flat?

Well, have you forgotten? All you need is six large bags of crisps, ten litres

of bitter and a box of Bulgarian housewife.

And if forms are low, you skip the crisps.

Anyway, people always bring a bottle, even in Cheshire.

I'm talking about guests for dinner.

Oh, no, Pam, you're not in...

Not me.

There's no way I'll settle for pruning roses and passing me after eight. And

Malcolm? Well, he might need pruning, but I wouldn't pass him round either.

He'll want to settle for something like this eventually.

You think so?

Well, if he does and he needs company, I'm sure he'll find it.

Eventually. Brenda? Yes?

Nothing.

Is it all right if we add a few things to this list? It's just I want to make

something special for tomorrow.

Yeah, but no jokes though, Abraham.

Of course not. I want to impress the boss.

How's the new boy performing?

Malcolm wasn't very sure, was he?

No. You know what Malcolm's like.

He expects people to be keen, helpful, interested even.

And Chris isn't. No.

But he's funny.

Oh, well, as long as he's funny.

Do you fancy him?

No. Do you?

Me, of course not.

Well, why do you marry him?

Make it rest.

And do you.

Thanks, Liam.

Good.

Barbara!

Sorry?

Vessel's meeting head -on. Each goes to the right.

I can't remember that. And you must keep a proper lookout.

I am keeping a lookout.

For the father.

We're just about to have lunch. That's nice.

I thought maybe you'd fancy a walk later.

Walk? A guided tour of the nearest supermarket, for instance.

I can't.

You can't walk?

Well, you'd best get in the day, then.

I mean, I can't spend the time. Honestly, I've got an enormous amount of

at the moment.

Oh, don't be tight.

Chris will look after the shop.

Really, Brent, I can't. I'm sorry.

It's no good apologising now, Malk.

You've had your fun. You've got to face your responsibilities.

Can you deny this, child?

No. Have you no compassion?

I tell you, Mal's station is a bitterly cold place at three in the morning.

Look at her.

Look at her little pinched face, all pale and dorky like a food.

Food? Please, just a drop of milk and maybe a crust of bread.

Here she comes. I bet she tells you about my pram.

No, she's still asleep.

Now, I'm glad to see it's a proper pram.

Not like the padded soapboxes you see around these days.

Yeah, but it could do with a couple of wing mirrors and a periscope.

Actually, it's a bit like Malcolm's, isn't it?

I'll tell you what, it's a nice day. Why don't we take them both for a walk on

the prom?

Coach built it once.

Oh, and him in his little blue bonnet and matching mittens.

I couldn't go ten yards down Shawley High Street without someone stopping me

admire.

I felt so proud of that pram.

Susan, you can't just come out using eight different ways.

In normal use, it's like a collapsible carry cart on a collapsible trolley

frame, but the end hinges down and the wheels come together to form a

Or you can take it off the frame and fit these special straps and it's like a

car seat, or onto a dining room chair.

Or you can fix it back on the frame, turned upside down, to make a high

Oh, it's the frame that's turned upside down, not the other bit or the baby.

You have to release the retaining clips on the swivel axle so the baby doesn't

play with the wheels.

I read about it.

That's ingenious, it was.

Sounds it.

No worry, I'll be back for Christmas.

Trouble is, if it gets nicked, you'll lose eight things instead of one.

Things don't get nicked around here.

Oh, they do, Mrs Donway. I left a newspaper on the bus last night. It

there this morning.

Did you know it was the right bus?

Definitely. Green with Birkenhead on the front. Oh, I know that one, yeah.

Terrible. You can't trust anyone.

Do you know, last week, someone even stole my ice cream.

In Mal's? Yeah.

Place on the Hoylake Road. I was sitting there, all peaceful -like, and I closed

my eyes for barely a minute.

And then I looked down to find that all that I had left was a soggy cornet.

No. Yeah. I'll never go in that sauna again.

I don't know what the place is.

I think it was a joke, Mother. I didn't think there were any of those sauna

places in Mel's. Come on, we'd better be going. You back the bike out.

Anything you say, Skipper.

Sarah.

She must have been listening to his jokes.

Where is she?

Oh.

Graham, did you kill me? I'm sorry, it must have moved.

Better give me the baby.

Oh, did you kill me? That's only a small scratch.

Oh, no, the actual's bent.

Did you kill me? I'm sorry.

It's no problem. I can straighten that back at the workshop. I've got some

-up enamel.

He said I wasn't fit to look after her. There's no harm done.

He'll kill me.

Brenda, I can fix this good as new. The enamel will be dry in a couple of hours.

But I've got to make the dinner.

All right, well, you go back and I'll bring it on to you later. They need

know. The shopping, I haven't done any of it yet.

Calm down.

Chris will do it. Me?

Least you can do.

Sure. Then he'll bring it on to you later.

So you're taking the pram? That's right, you'll just have to carry it.

Oh, little knot.

Aye. Oh, the rosary's there. Could you take them round the side?

What's up? Are they decorating or something?

Fine. Well, why did you have to come in this way?

Straitman's Mansion.

Oh, poor me.

I can't get you for that. You don't see us?

Oh, the pram.

Sorry.

Where is she? She's fast asleep in a cot.

Did you get everything?

Nearly. There's some right poncy stuff on that list. Nearly?

Well, I couldn't get any avocados. I'd have funny cheese.

Prince de Claverville. Right.

So I got cheddar.

Brilliant. So what did you get instead of the avocados? A couple of carrots?

Don't be soft.

They're fruit, aren't they?

You're not like them, are you?

What, a prawn?

No, I meant someone who goes in for all his poncy nosh.

I mean, a prawn's pink and shriveled with hair sticking out. All right,

enough, Christina. You'll be going out the tradesman's entrance without

the sides.

What's these? These weren't on the list.

They're from me.

I'm sorry about the prawn.

Oh, you needn't have bothered.

All right, I'll take them back.

Pop shelf.

I suppose you're going to insist I make you a copy while you're checking that

lot. No.

Matt will need you more than I do.

Yeah, I have this effect on all the fellas.

How long have you known him?

A couple of years, why?

I just wondered.

You're sort of different.

You think so?

Yeah. Well, he's taller than me.

Yeah, that's true.

And his sister?

She's wider than me.

No, it's not just that.

No, she never used to be so different.

She used to be quite normal until she met David and got a dose of the

yuppies.

Three sinks?

Why three sinks?

It was in case she had triplets.

It's not much to see, are you? It's 1850, wasn't it?

Right.

It was nice of her, wasn't it? What? To pay for the chocolate.

It took you long enough.

Well, it was a long list.

It can't be worth you coming back.

Well, I could give you a hand taking it round. I'll be OK.

Well, I can hold it steady. It'll be tied down.

Well, I feel sort of responsible for all the trouble.

Um, that's probably because you are.

You tired?

Yeah. Well, you got through a lot today.

For a woman.

Well, of course.

Still plenty to do, though.

Yeah, but once you finish reorganising things, it'll all be a lot easier.

So?

So? So why not stay on?

No, thanks.

Anyway, you couldn't afford me.

I can show my appreciation in other ways.

Don't bother.

Perhaps you think he's left Brenda to stay on indefinitely?

Ah, I'd forgotten about that.

Actually, I made Mr. Chudster.

David? The Pharaoh certainly responds to her.

Same mental age, I suppose.

David Law?

Move, damn you!

I should never have let you talk me into this.

There's no other idea to lose it.

Didn't think he'd make it. They're due back any minute.

Look what Uncle Matthew's done.

You want to go in?

Fair enough.

Yeah, but don't tell him what we did to her. Promise.

Come on.

Paint's still a bit tacky, but she'll be OK.

OK.

Come see his new toy.

Whose? David's.

She's fine, you know, if she likes the pressure.

Oh, Brenda, how could you? Is she OK?

She seems to be. I'll speak to this one. You deal with him. OK.

Er, perhaps you didn't fold them properly when you put them in the airing

cupboard. Maybe this morning you got dressed in the dark.

What are you on about?

Why have you got your knickers in a twist?

But we saw you.

Not Brenda, she was here with... You didn't think Sarah was in a pram, did

What? Oh, no, no, it's just that, er... And Brenda has a red one.

There's no answer to that.

Surely you must know Brenda wouldn't let Sarah out of her sight. Well, yes, of

course. You did, didn't you? You thought she was in the pram. Yes, I did. Well,

it's a terrible accusation to make.

Well, why was it on the trailer?

What? Why was the pram on the trailer?

Um, right.

Oh, is that your remote control? That means you show Chris this. That's a

and it doesn't work and don't change the subject.

You've really upset me, Pamela.

You've wounded me mortally.

In fact, not just me mortally. You've wounded the other part of me as well.

Perfectly reasonable mistake.

Anyway, why was the pram on the trailer? That's what I'd like to know. The

battery was in the wrong way round.

Call me to the quickie, love.

I've got all the love and devotion I've ladled on, my niece and mine. Do you

know what they thought, Malk? No, what?

They thought that we had... Why was it on the trailer?

Tell them, Malk.

What? Oh, look, it's done.

Oh, right, I'd better be going. Come on, Chris.

Hold on!

I wouldn't have my little darling catching cold.

But I have to work this evening. But David can't, in a way. Well, I want an

explanation. You haven't said what you're doing with the pram.

I think you'd better ask her.

Have I fallen in and out?

Does he drown me in...

Is he siren?

Is he out?

Don't want to ask the internet.