Original subtitles

Come on! How you doing, man? Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah. All right.

Later.

Hey, we're the best PR firm in the city.

Tell me you get what you pay for.

Let's say it with love.

Bye.

Excuse me.

Probably going to sound like a line, but don't I, you know...

You in the treadmill at the vertical club?

No, ballet.

You look familiar.

My name's Alan.

Molly.

Actually, you kind of look familiar, too.

Did you go to NYU?

Excuse me.

Hello, Ma.

Where are you?

Hi! Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.

No, stop.

Silicon lips.

Looks like she's been punched.

Didn't I tell you she was going to go up fast, huh, Nicky?

About a thousand times.

You've done good, Rhonda.

Hi.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

What? Want a pickle? What?

Ma.

Sorry. Do you know my daughter?

No, but I'd like to.

Yeah, take a number.

Can you believe this guy?

All right, I'm guessing that I was gonna... I think you were.

Let's see how busy she is. Ma, would you butt out?

I don't like it when you use that word, miss.

This is my office number. Why don't you give me a call next week and we'll go

out for lunch.

Just you and me.

Okay.

It was nice meeting you.

What? What are you doing? Oh.

Please, sweetheart, you need a guy like that. Like you need a fibroid tumor.

Please, do you think you are the first attractive girl he gave his car to

He seemed nice.

So did Jack the Ripper.

Before he tore your heart out and ate it. You're mixing up your serial

Ma. Doesn't matter.

They all had one thing in common.

They were... They were... Men.

Good girl.

You're right.

You're right, ma.

Okay, okay, okay.

Change the subject.

To the new executive director of public relations.

I'm going to cry.

Don't cry to her.

You've got no worries with that.

Whoa, shake it. Don't break it.

Pretty mama.

Hey, what's happening? Meanwhile, you've been living under a rock.

Hey, lady.

Hey, lady, watch it.

Hey, honey, watch the hole.

Can you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Oh, wait, wait. What's going on? She fell down the hole. Call an ambulance.

Come on.

Lady,

throw a rope down there or something. Call 911.

Somebody get yourself.

Call an ambulance.

I guess being a mother had ups and downs.

What's happening here?

Remember the...

construction workers with the under -exercise midsection.

They were waving, you ignored them, and there was all.

All?

You mean...

Who

says you can never get a cab when you need one?

As the Honorable Judge Othniel, omnipotent sage presiding over your

present, and if you let me do the talking, possibly your future.

Look, Your Honor, no disrespect, but I can't be dead.

There's simply too much I haven't done.

I never went to Vegas, and I never rode in a handsome cab through Central Park,

and I never stayed at the Fontainebleau.

In France?

What France?

Miami.

Yes, before we talk about all your regrets, Ms. Finkelstein, let's first

the merits of your case.

Well, it says here that you are charged with poisoning your daughter's mind.

What?

Poisoning her mind?

Your Honor. Excuse me.

I will speak for myself.

What did she just call me?

No, Nick.

Listen to me, Perry Mason.

I would never hurt my daughter.

I would give my right arm for my daughter. Well, that may be true, but it

doesn't make a child's pain any less real.

Molly, men are pigs.

I hate to say it.

But even your father.

Just promise me you won't make the same mistake I did, okay?

You won't need a man. You won't need anyone except yourself.

Promise me.

I promise, Mommy.

What?

I was comforting my daughter.

Her father had just walked out on her.

I stayed.

I loved her.

I gave everything for her.

Except what she needed most.

Oh, don't say a man.

A man.

Love.

Love.

How are you?

Why is she sitting alone and crying?

Your Honor, you have to give me a chance to

undo the harm I've heaped upon my precious child.

You've got to give me a chance to give her happiness, to open her heart,

the heart I so selfishly closed.

And after that, you can do anything you want with me.

You can drive a stake through my heart. You can condemn me for all eternity.

All right.

Will you say yes?

Yes.

Yes to what?

To, uh, to take a chance at condemning me for all eternity, what?

That's up to you. And you, too, Mr. Smith.

Rhonda Finkelstein, with the help of our Mr. Smith here, you will have three

days.

To open your daughter's heart to love. Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. Wait a

minute. Are we talking... We gotta find a man? Exactly, Mr. Smith.

And then what?

You get a second chance at life, Mr. Eccleson. You will have three days and

three days only. You will go back with all your memories intact and no one will

recognize you. Why?

Fuck, I look like Janet Reno?

You are a free agent in the universe for the blessing of God Almighty and his

court!

She said she wouldn't recognize me.

She can.

Hi, Molly Finkelstein.

You must be Alan Hollander?

Is this your partner?

Hi, Molly Finkelstein.

Oh, I already said that. Sorry.

It's just that you're my very first client, and listen, I have some great

I think you're really going to like them. So if you like, why don't you sit

and... Molly?

Molly, Molly, hi. Molly Flexenberg. Hi.

Finkelstein. Steen, sorry.

Sorry, do I know you?

I'm Alan Hollander. We have a lunch meeting today.

Oh, you're Alan Hollander. From the new Cadillacs? Well, then, who are you? Hi,

I'm Sadie Arnstein, professional matchmaker from Heaven on Earth Video

Service, and this is my assistant, Mrs. Smith.

We are currently expanding our young professional singles division, and we

so delighted to offer you a free membership. One year.

For a service.

Thank you, but I'm not interested.

Free?

Can I try?

Well, are you a doctor?

No.

A lawyer?

No. Oh, well, sorry.

Special offer just for women.

Look, could you guys go before I call? Ma!

Molly!

What the heck are you doing here?

Molly, look, worst case scenario, you make a video, you date a really nice

A date?

And who are you in that outfit, Mayflower Madam?

Excuse me, but I'm trying to have a business meeting here. She's trying to

a business meeting here? I think she's talking to you. No, I'm talking to

everybody. We're trying to help Molly out here. Molly, we can reschedule it.

who invited you to this party? Ma, butt out.

I hate that expression.

Who cares what you think?

Look, Molly, I'll call you. But I... Ma, look what you did. Oh,

thank goodness. I thought he'd never leave.

Just come on down this afternoon. Come on.

Come on.

Heckle -jeckle. Let's go.

Let's go. I'm going to leave this here. What are you doing? Wait. She needs me.

No. Wait. She needs me.

Let me just give you my card because I know that this is vital to your future

happiness. Please. The woman is psycho.

She's psycho.

How am I going to get close to her now?

She hates me.

Which one?

Both of us.

This doesn't look like Carlito's hand -rolled cigar emporium. Do you believe

destiny, Molly? Of course you do. I believe it was our destiny to run into

at the bakery today so that we could hire you as our publicist. Molly, we'd

to be your very first client.

Hmm. Let me think about that for a second.

No. Goodbye.

Molly, think about it.

You're new.

We're new.

You're learning. We're learning. It's like we're joined at the hip. Besides,

could really use your help. And we think you could use ours.

Look, I know your mother doesn't approve of this.

What has my mother got to do with it?

Your mother doesn't approve of most things you do outside your relationship

her, does she?

You make her sound like a monster in high heels.

Well, if the shoe fits.

Right, Molly?

Okay,

let's try this again.

So, Molly.

What kind of a man are you looking for?

Lawyer? Doctor?

Doesn't really matter what he does. They're all the same after dark.

I told you that.

Never mind, I know.

We're running out of time here. It would help if you at least pretended you were

interested in finding a soulmate.

At least for the sake of understanding our customers. Can you do that, Molly?

As a professional.

Of course I can do that.

I want somebody who's kind and smart.

I mean, it doesn't have to be a genius, you know, but supportive, good -looking,

funny, got to have a sense of humor, and creative, you know, appreciates the

arts and whatnot.

Like Zeke.

What?

You're describing Zeke, the baker who runs the deli. No, no, no, no, no, no,

no. That's my mother's friend.

Yeah, yeah.

They watch old movies every night at the same time, and then they call each

other, and they pretend that they're not crying at the sad part.

Molly, in your own words, describe the man you

dream.

though they didn't know they were in the dark.

Someone who wants to reach out and touch you because they want to feel the

realness of you.

Someone who loves your laugh lines and will never think they're wrinkles

your face is a map of the life you've lived together.

Someone who truly knows me, will never betray me,

and never leave me.

Someone who doesn't exist.

Just ask my mother.

They're very high.

What are we doing?

You know, I really, really think he's too old for her.

Yeah, well, age is just a state of mind.

In Arkansas, maybe.

What are you, snooping through his mail?

I don't snoop.

Oh, yeah? What do you call that, profound curiosity?

Yeah, it's kind of intelligent.

Find anything interesting?

Ah, the usual, junk mail, bills.

Ten million dollars from Ed McMahon.

You are a pain in the ass, you know.

It's part of my job.

Is that for me?

Oh, shop around the corner.

Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullivan?

Yeah, like I wouldn't know that one. It's one of the greats.

One of my all -time favorites on cable tonight.

I lost my hat.

I lost my bride.

Oh, oh, um, Moonstruck. Yeah.

Yeah, before her face lived.

Thanks for the tip.

and Heidi Fleiss and Charlie Sheen.

I happen to be a respectable businesswoman. Sure, until they indict.

Bye, V.

She becomes cynical.

Since the info got bad reviews.

Oh. Oh, hey.

About the other day. I'm sorry I had to ask you to leave, but, you know...

Leave? Enough.

I have... That's great news for you, Z. Congratulations.

You are the winner of a one -year free membership to the Heaven on Earth Video

Dating Service.

And have I got a girl for you.

Wow. No, thanks, but I'm not that interested.

Well, the offer's only good for 24 hours.

No, I appreciate it, but, you know, that's not... No, no.

Okay, Zeke.

What kind of woman would you like to find in 50 words or less?

Oh, wow.

50 words, huh?

Well, not counting those.

Well, I guess someone who is kind

and smart and attractive.

Yeah. Oh, and a sense of humor. That's like a must.

You know, someone who's not afraid of being who she is.

You know, even if the whole world sees her as cynical.

Because, you know, underneath all that armor, she's just as vulnerable as

everyone else.

Someone with real life experience.

It's okay if she's a little bit older.

She's divorced.

About 5 '7"? Yeah, that's good.

110 pounds, give or take a few?

Yeah.

Yeah, big brown eyes.

Brown hair.

Someone who cares so much that she can be a pain and a half.

But you find it sweet.

Because you know that it...

It comes from an ocean of love.

Oh, I'm just too many words.

Oh, no, no.

Cut, cut.

It's a little wetneck.

Now we kick it into high gear. We check the database, do a profile match, do the

whole drill, whole drill. Thanks for coming by. And hey.

Congrats again. I congratulate you.

Thank you.

The only way he's walking down the aisle with your daughter is if she's

throwing petals and you're the bride.

You know, maybe if you weren't so sat down.

I am not sat down.

Oh, really?

What's it been, about 11 years since you and your ex split up?

What exactly do you do?

Besides screwing up people's chances for a nice afterlife?

You mean to tell me in all that time, you never once thought about meeting

someone like Zeke? Having a relationship with Zeke? Going on a date with Zeke?

Zeke, the kid.

The kid is 33 years old, a breadwinner, and one of the tribe. What else do you

want? Someone for Molly, not me. Give the guy a chance.

Do you know what today is?

My anniversary.

I married a man who gave away his family for a blonde.

The speech impediment.

He'll hurt.

I'm better than her.

That's what I tell myself.

Women do a funny thing with their men.

They see themselves through their man's eyes.

I feel like Natalie Wood.

But he sees a yenta who knows his feet smell bad and who makes bad investment.

So your marriage starts to unravel because...

He wants to be Prince Charming and not Charlie. Take out the garbage.

And he throws you away.

Got no value.

All your love.

All your loyalty.

Sworn enough?

You know what?

Don't. Talk to me about dating.

I'm surviving.

That has got to be good enough.

Sorry, Rhonda.

It's not.

Sorry, Miss St. Christine, but I am compelled by a power higher than you to

deliver this tape to you.

I don't want any of your slimy tapes with your loser people looking for love.

And stay away from my daughter.

How dare you?

Okay, that's it.

I'm going to report you.

What's your name? I work for a lawyer, you know. What's your name?

Cupid. Oh, please.

Fifty words, huh?

Um, well, I guess someone who is...

Enjoy the tape, Mrs. Finkelstein.

And smart.

And... And strong.

I mean, you know, someone who knows who she is and everything.

It's okay if she's a little bit older.

She's divorced.

Even if she's got, like, an older kid.

I mean, someone who cares so much that she can be a pain and a half.

but you find it sweet because you know that it comes from

Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

Bet you thought I'd forgotten, huh?

What are you doing here?

And where is your fabulous wife, Kimberly?

We're divorced, actually.

I left her about six months ago.

Irreconcilable differences.

That's a great L .A. euphemism for she was too young, too new -agey, and too

into Pilates.

Oh. Hmm.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

I'm not.

No.

Okay, so come on. Grab a jacket and come outside. I got a surprise for you.

I promise. I promise.

If you don't like it, I will never bother you again.

Hey, come on. Let's go. Lady Meter's running, huh?

I've always wanted to ride in a Hanson cab.

I know.

Come on, hop on.

Hey, driver, take the long way around.

Sure you want to do this?

What a channel predicts rain.

Yeah, we'll take our chance.

I only got one umbrella.

Can we just go, please?

All right. Cool your jets. Just doing my job, pal.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Reminds you of the great city we live in.

All right, Ira.

Cut the crap.

What's going on?

What? Darling, what me?

Come on, you show up out of nowhere with this whole arthritic prince charming

routine. I want to know what's what.

Rhonda, do you want to know what's what?

I'll tell you what's what.

I miss you.

I miss us.

I've been alone for a while now, and I've had some time to think about the

times, the bad times, and... As far as what I did, I have no excuses. I

have made some asinine mistakes in my life, but none as huge as the one I made

today. You didn't lose me.

You lose a set of keys. Me, you threw away.

I was a fool, okay? I was having a midlife crisis. I thought I'd die if I

get away.

Truth is, I died the day I lost you. I mean that wrong.

Okay, you're okay. Okay,

you're all right. Come on, put your head between your ears.

You're killing her.

She's fine, okay? I can handle it.

You're all right.

Come on, I'll rub you so less you're okay.

Lady, you're walking me. Should I call an ambulance?

No.

Tell me you're overcome by joy here.

Wait.

I just get used to having not around.

She'll come back.

Some case of chicken pox.

The incurable kind.

I love you, Rhonda. I always have.

Don't kid with me, Ira.

Rhonda, listen to me.

Let's get married again.

Sorry, Mrs. Norrie. I thought I saw a rat.

Come on. I know it sounds crazy, but why not?

I want you back. I want us back.

Do it.

We wouldn't be the first.

Me? You think I'm dreaming?

Ow! Ow!

That hurts.

What the heck are you doing? Would you keep your hands to yourself and drive?

Trying to get a little reality check going.

We can make up for lost time. We can do all the things we wanted to do when we

were 20 but couldn't afford to.

How about next month?

Well, how about next week? How about tomorrow?

Tomorrow? Tomorrow!

I love you, Rhonda.

I love you so much, and I want to prove it.

Mary. Rhonda, this is what you've wanted all along, isn't it?

Every woman

who's been dumped by a man for another woman wants that.

Dreams of it.

He... He asked me to marry him.

Tomorrow.

And... In a moment of lunacy, I... I said

yes.

I... I don't get it.

Jeez Louise, I was... I was married to him when I was 18.

I never, you know... You know.

before him and i had molly with him and

i loved him loved as in past tense

i'm

terrible at this i i always know what to tell other people about how to run

their lives but for me I'm... I'm... I'm close.

He was my first love.

I'm doing the right thing, right?

I'm really happy for you.

You are?

You know, this is like one of the ends of those romantic comedies.

Screwball kind.

Yeah.

As a matter of fact, why don't we have the wedding at the bakery?

Yeah, I could just shift a few things around, and it's a great space.

And at this later date, it will be my gift to the beautiful

bride.

the best wedding cake from here to Jersey.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Guess we're going to find out.

Oh, so sorry.

Yeah,

I should go.

I'll see you at the thing, the wedding.

All right.

Why am I doing this to me?

How can I be sucking face with Zeke the night before I marry my husband?

Maybe because you love him.

Only you're too scared to admit it.

Hello?

Molly!

I can't stay long, but here are those magazines you're asking about.

They have a large singles distribution, so you should definitely consider

advertising them.

Oh, this and brains, too. Thank you so much for coming by here at the last

minute, Molly.

What, with your parents' wedding today and everything?

You must be absolutely grazed.

I'm, uh, I'm not going.

The whole thing, it's a total sham.

My father's a cheater, and my mother, she's making a mockery of everything she

has ever stood for.

Molly, um, you know, when I heard about your parents' wedding,

Trust me, I was just as surprised as you were.

And I'm sure your father has made some terrible mistakes. And your mother,

from what I've observed, is, um, she's a little inflexible.

But everybody deserves a second chance.

Why does it matter to you, anyway?

I hate to.

I hate to see what it's doing to you.

You know, there are many ways to go through life.

But having an open heart is the best way of all.

And for your mother to have an open heart towards your father, I mean, you

all people should understand that. It's hard.

It takes a brave woman to forgive and forget.

It takes a brave woman to love the right man.

I've got to go.

I'll catch you guys later. Bye. Okay, see you later.

You're no help.

You're no help.

How are you?

Looking well.

We can't get married without our daughter here.

Well, she wasn't here the first time.

I will be the one being serious.

They make a really nice couple, don't you think?

What do you think?

What do I think? What does it matter what I think?

She's getting married in like a minute.

I know, I know. I wish she was here today.

You know, we have to respect your decision, not to... So,

I heard there was a party going on, and I thought I'd drop by and check out the

food.

Mom,

I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it.

You look so beautiful.

Hi, Dad.

I am so going to make it up to you.

Come on, you two.

I'm going to ruin my mascara.

Let me see.

I mean, just between you and me.

I won't say a word.

I'm too sealed.

Feel.

Come on. All right.

I'm with her, Sadie. I feel like... I feel like I'm Gene Kelly singing

in the rain.

I love her, Sadie.

Alan Hollander? Molly?

Hi.

You're the new... the new Cadillac?

What? I thought you had a car dealership, or... Oh.

Oh, that's my dad's gig.

Disappointed?

No.

I tried it with the cake.

I thought a little coffee might be nice.

What do you mean?

Look. Look.

It's blank.

I'm marrying a blank?

Tell me whose name I should put on.

What?

Rhonda.

Feel my heart?

Hmm?

Yeah?

It's been yours for longer than I can remember.

Now you tell me whose name to put on that cake, and I will do it.

Stay right there.

Mom, you're going to be late for your own wedding.

I'm a pain in the ass.

I'm going to go get married.

And now I ask you, in the presence of God and this assembly.

Do you, Ira, son of David, take Rhonda, daughter of Irene, to be

your wife, to love, to honor, and to cherish?

I do.

And do you, Rhonda, daughter of Irene, take... Zeke!

What?

What? The name. The name on the cake. It's a physique.

What are you doing?

Oh, Ira.

Ira, this is all wrong.

We're not soulmates.

We're not even best friends.

Maybe it was right once.

And I don't regret a thing because out of our union came the most precious

in the world to me.

Who the heck are you?

Sorry.

And cut.

Beautiful.

Happy anniversary, sweetie.

Three years to these two, and they said it wasn't going to last?

Oh, you.

Very funny, Ma.

Like you don't know your own little Sadie?

She's mine.

Oh, she's mine.

She's your little granddaughter.

You're done good, Sadie, aren't you?

She's gorgeous, huh?

Oh, look how happy Molly is.

I'm sick.

I got it all.

Everything I ever wanted.

I didn't even know.

Life is one big learning curve, huh?

God, if you really teach your children well.

Still, I could have found a nice Jewish boy, don't you think?

I'm kidding.

Mazel tov.

I learned a few things, Theo.

You won't remember anything except your beautiful new life.

I won't forget you.

That's what they all say.

She is going to be a heartbreaker, that one.

Just like her namesake.

She sure is a perfect match for everyone.

Why do some people never find theirs and end up alone?

So love's no piece of cake, but why not?

Shouldn't love be easy?

Or maybe it is easy.

With all the people on earth, narrowing it down to just one, it's like finding

the needle in a haystack. Feels like lousy odds to me.

Or maybe there are many matches.

It's up to them to open their minds and their eyes.

in our hearts and pay attention.

So easy.

You could change the world.

Change.

Rearrange your world.

Change.

Take one, divide by two.

Change. If it was only up to you to change.

To a world of wonder from a world of pain.

I will listen for you.