Original subtitles

( birds chirping )

Young man: WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT...

BABIES CRY, THE SKY IS BLUE,

AND AT SOME POINT IN HER LIFE,

EVERY GIRL HAS WANTED TO BE A PRINCESS.

BUT I NEVER EXPECTED MY JOURNEY

TO TAKE ME ON THE ROAD TO ITHACA.

( doorbell rings )

HEY!

THERE HE IS, KING OF THE COUCH TOURS!

GIMME THIS. SOPHIE!

OH, SOPHIE, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

( chuckles )

WELL, I'M FORMIDABLE, AT LEAST.

HI.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU GUYS DOING THIS.

AIN'T NO PROBLEM.

HERE, LET US SHOW YOU YOUR TEMPORARY ABODE. COME ON.

SHOW ME THE WAY. ( grunts )

WE'RE STILL REMODELING. YOU GET THE NURSERY.

NOW, I LOVE YOU, WILL, BUT MY DUE DATE IS YOUR OUT DATE.

WHEN IS THAT?

IN TWO WEEKS,

WHICH IS WHEN THE BABY GETS YO' CRIB.

THAT'S THE PLAN THEN.

THIS IS PERFECT.

I THINK THIS MATTRESS

IS GONNA BE A LITTLE TOO SHORT FOR MY LEGS.

WELL, THIS IS FOR THE VIP GUEST.

YOU GET THE PULL-OUT COUCH.

SPEAKING OF PAINTING,

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOUR ART, WILL?

YEAH, THOSE BACKWARDS PAINTINGS OF THE ALPHABET

DIDN'T GET YOU INTO THE LOUVRE?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

NO, I DESERVE IT.

I DIDN'T SELL A SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

THEY ALL SUCKED.

HEY, YOU'RE JUST DOING SOME SOUL-SEARCHING.

THIS IS NOTHING BUT A TEMPORARY SETBACK.

IF BY TEMPORARY YOU MEAN THREE FAILED CAREERS IN FOUR YEARS...

THREE? WHAT AM I FORGETTING?

THE VINEYARD IN NAPA.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

AH, YES.

THE CHARDON-NOIR.

WHAT ABOUT THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL YOU WERE WRITING?

YEAH. YEAH, I'M STILL WORKING ON IT.

WELL, HONEY, NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A WUNDERKIND DOT-COM GENIUS,

GET LUCKY, SELL THEIR WEBSITE FOR A GAZILLION DOLLARS AND RETIRE YOUNG.

LIKE MY INCREDIBLY MODEST HUSBAND. WHO KNEW?

GO, GO, GO.

HEY, WE GOT THE PRINCETON ALUMNI DIRECTORY IN THE MAIL LAST WEEK.

AFTER YOUR NAME, IT JUST SAYS "WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN."

THAT'S REALLY WHAT IT SAID ABOUT ME?

YEAH.

"WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN"?

GREAT, LOUIS.

IT'S FANTASTIC!

YOU'RE ME HERO!

WOW.

I COULD NOT HAVE UNDERACHIEVED MORE.

I AM NEVER LEAVING YOUR NURSERY. THAT'S IT.

OH! WE GOT AN INVITATION TO THE ENDANGERED SPECIES BALL!

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S ONE OF THE SOCIAL EVENTS OF THE YEAR.

IT'S HELD ON THE GROUNDS OF THIS CASTLE

OWNED BY A PRINCESS.

SHE'S, UM, WELL, SHE'S KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAIN.

YEAH. THE WOMAN'S DERANGED.

I THINK SHE'S AWESOME.

SHE CALLS HERSELF PRINCESS ITHACA,

AND SHE'S SORT OF AN ECCENTRIC LOCAL LEGEND.

HONEY, SHE'S A FREAK.

THIS IS WEIRDLY FASCINATING.

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

WHAT IS SHE A PRINCESS OF?

NO ONE KNOWS.

PEOPLE SAY SHE'S BEEN CONFINED INSIDE THAT CASTLE

HER WHOLE LIFE.

SHE'S ONLY SEEN ONCE A YEAR AT THIS BALL.

YEAH, THE MOM WAS A KOOKY PRINCESS, TOO.

THE STORY IS SHE WAS HOME SCHOOLED.

HER MOTHER EVENTUALLY DIED AND LEFT HER THIS CASTLE.

BUT SHE NEVER GOES OUT INTO TOWN, NEVER.

NEVER. YOU KNOW, NOT EVEN FOR TOILET PAPER, ANYTHING.

( laughs )

I WISH I COULD GO,

BUT I AM WAY TOO HUGE TO PUT ON A FORMAL DRESS.

HONEY, THAT IS NOT TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT.

YOU LOOK GREAT!

WE NEVER GO ANYWHERE ANYMORE.

EVERYTHING'S CHANGING.

SHE GAVE ME SOME CHICK BOOK

SO I COULD HAVE A SYMPATHETIC PREGNANCY WITH HER.

IT SHOWS YOU EVERYTHING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOUR WIFE'S BODY.

IT'S HORRIBLE.

( chuckles )

HEY, YOU GUYS SHOULD GO TO THIS CHARITY THING.

IT'LL BE GOOD FOR THE BOTH OF YOU TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

LET'S DO IT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

BECAUSE TWO GUYS GOING TO A PRINCESS BALL TOGETHER,

THAT'S NOT GAY AT ALL.

COME ON! IT'S A PRINCESS BALL...

IT'LL BE WEIRD.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS REALLY ENTICING.

COME ON, MAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN ANYWHERE BUT STORES

CALLED, YOU KNOW, TINYVILLE AND FETUS TOWN

FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS.

PLEASE?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, PRINCESS BALL IT IS.

♪♪

♪♪

WELCOME, SIR.

THANK YOU.

SO NO ONE'S EVER BEEN INSIDE?

NO. ( sighs ) KINDA FUELS THE MYSTERY.

SO WHO DOES ALL THE LANDSCAPING AND SETS UP FOR THE PARTIES?

OH, A BUNCH OF OLD WOMEN WORK FOR HER.

YEAH, I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S LIKE A CULT.

YOU NEVER SEE ANYONE UNDER 70 GO IN.

AND NO MEN, NEVER ANY MEN.

WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?

WELL, PEOPLE CATCH A GLIMPSE OF HER UP THERE SOMETIMES.

THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF RUMORS ABOUT WHAT GOES ON INSIDE.

LIKE WHAT?

OH, THAT SHE BURIES THE OLD WOMEN UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS.

OR THAT SHE'S FILTHY RICH AND HAS A ROOM FILLED WITH LOOSE DIAMONDS.

OR TAXIDERMY.

WHAT?

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE ENDANGERED SPECIES THING.

( classical music playing )

WOULD YOU LIKE AN HORS D'OEUVRE?

YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF A PLAN?

FOR YOUR NEXT DEATH-DEFYING CAREER MOVE, I MEAN?

I'M CURRENTLY PLAN-LESS, UNFORTUNATELY .

DUDE, YOU CAN'T STAND ON THE GOVERNMENT CHEESE LINE.

WHAT'S YOUR BOOK ABOUT, ANYWAY?

I HAVEN'T EXACTLY STARTED WRITING IT.

APPARENTLY, YOU ACTUALLY NEED TO HAVE LIFE EXPERIENCES

BEFORE YOU CAN START WRITING ABOUT THEM.

COME ON, LET'S GET A REFILL.

YOU'VE STILL GOT THAT, UH, TRUST FUND, RIGHT?

YOU MUST HAVE SOME INCOME-PRODUCING INVESTMENTS FROM THAT.

CASHED 'EM ALL IN.

GOT ABOUT 50 GRAND LEFT,

WHICH I THINK I MAKE LAST...

ANOTHER THREE YEARS, MAYBE.

BY MOOCHING OFF GOOD FRIENDS LIKE ME?

TWO MORE.

PRETTY MUCH.

I JUST HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

THERE'S SOMETHING, I CAN FEEL IT.

MMM.

HOW ABOUT YOU? EVER FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT

OF WHAT TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

NO, NEVER.

( trumpets playing a fanfare )

♪♪

BY THE WAY, THAT'S WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE.

( crowd murmurs )

WE CAN GO NOW IF YOU WANT.

CAN'T IMAGINE YOU'D ACTUALLY WANT TO MEET

THAT TROLL-LIKE CREATURE.

MR. AND MRS. WALTER DANFORTH.

GOOD EVENING.

YEAH, I'M NOT--I'M NOT SURE. YOU CAN JUST GO WITHOUT ME.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE THE BACHELOR.

WHAT, ARE YOU ENCOURAGING ME TO HIT ON HER?

YOU KEEP CALLING HER CRAZY.

WHO CARES? LOOK AT HER!

GOOD EVENING.

Louis: ANY SINGLE GUY...

WHO COULD SECRETE A HORMONE WOULD WANNA MEET THAT WOMAN.

I RECALL THAT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO COME.

OH, PLEASE. JUST SUPERVISING YOUR QUARTER-LIFE MELTDOWN.

THANK YOU FOR COMING. HAVE A GOOD EVENING.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

HOW MANY GUESTS DO WE HAVE?

ABOUT 150.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

THE DONATIONS ARE DOWN,

BUT WE'VE ALWAYS FOUND A WAY.

NO, IT WON'T BE ENOUGH.

NANA, MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT.

I DON'T LIKE THIS, NOT ONE BIT.

IF WE DON'T HAVE THE FUNDS, WE CAN'T HELP THEM.

NANA, MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT.

( applause )

AS YOU WISH.

FRIENDS AND HONORED GUESTS,

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

IN ORDER TO RAISE THE MAXIMUM FUNDS

TO RESCUE OUR MANY ENDANGERED ANIMAL SPECIES,

THE PRINCESS HAS REQUESTED

THAT I ANNOUNCE HER UNPRECEDENTED OFFER

TO AUCTION OFF A SINGLE TICKET.

THE POSSESSOR OF THIS TICKET WILL JOIN THE PRINCESS

IN THE LAST DANCE OF THE EVENING.

HE OR SHE WILL ALSO HAVE A PRIVATE DINNER

WITH THE PRINCESS IN THE CASTLE.

( applause )

FANTASTIC.

VERY WILLY WONKA.

THE BIDDING WILL START AT $1,000.

OKAY, SO A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN A CHOCOLATE BAR.

I'LL BID 1,000.

( applause and chatter )

WE HAVE $1,000. DO I HEAR $2,000?

2,000!

( applause and chatter )

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

5,000!

( applause and chatter )

5,000. A VERY NICE BID.

$10,000!

WE HAVE A WONDERFUL BID AT $10,000.

I'LL BID 15,000.

( applause and chatter )

15,000. ANYONE ELSE?

25,000.

( applause and chatter )

WE HAVE $25,000.

I BID $50,000.

( applause and chatter )

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

THAT'S ALL THE MONEY YOU HAVE!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A VERY GENEROUS OFFER...

WAIT, MAKE THE DATE FOR OUTSIDE THE CASTLE.

IN THE CITY.

WHAT?

JUST TRUST ME. JUST REPEAT THE BID FOR OUTSIDE THE CASTLE.

JUST GO! SAY IT! DO IT!

I BID $50,000, BUT ONLY IF THE DATE IS FOR DINNER OUT,

IN THE CITY.

( crowd chatters )

THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

WE NEED THIS.

NO!

I ACCEPT.

( applause )

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE A GENIUS!

THIS IS GONNA GET YOU IN ALL THE LOCAL PAPERS TOMORROW.

OVER HERE.

IT IS?

YES.

I LOVE IT. YOU DATE THE CRAZY PRINCESS

AND BECOME A LEGEND BY ASSOCIATION.

WHAT?

YOU SEE HOW THE MEN ARE LOOKING AT HER--

AS IF SHE'S PROOF ALONE THAT THERE'S A GOD?

UH-HUH.

SHE'S A FAIRY TALE VIRGIN PRINCESS.

WOMEN WANNA BE HER, MEN WANT TO POSSESS HER.

SO?

SO SHE'S THE ULTIMATE CONQUEST.

THE PUBLICITY ALONE IS GONNA GET YOU A GOLDEN TICKET

TO ANY SOCIETY EVENT YOU WANT.

IT'S A SILVER PLATTER FOR YOU

TO WEASEL YOUR WAY IN TO SOME BUSINESS CONNECTIONS.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

I-I-I JUST DON'T KNOW.

COME ON.

I'LL GO ANNOUNCE IT.

I'M AFRAID THAT THIS WILL BE THE LAST DANCE OF THE EVENING.

( applause )

WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER.

JUST DANCE WITH HER. AND USE MY LINE.

WHAT LINE?

I KNOW WHO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T FOUND HER YET.

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE WOMAN YOU THOUGHT YOU'D BE BY NOW.

IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, YOU'LL SEE HER IN MY EYES.

YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME.

HEY, WORKED WITH SOPHIE.

( music begins )

OKAY, YOU'RE ON, BUDDY.

MAKE ME PROUD.

( sighs )

YOUR HIGHNESS, WOULD YOU CARE TO DANCE?

( applause )

I DON'T BELIEVE WE WERE FORMALLY INTRODUCED.

NO, WE WEREN'T.

I'M WILLIAM HUMPHREY, BUT...

I'M NOT A PERSON OF ANY CONSEQUENCE.

THAT'S A SURPRISE.

YOU STRIKE ME AS THE KIND OF MAN

WHO WOULD BE FAMILIAR WITH CONSEQUENCE.

( laughs ) I'M SORRY.

WHAT I MEANT WAS,

THE KIND OF PERSON WHO MAKES SWEEPING GESTURES,

YOU MUST BE THE KIND OF MAN WHO--

NOT THAT I'M JUDGING YOU AS A PERSON.

WHAT I MEANT WAS... ( sighs )

LET'S JUST DANCE.

OH! I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T INTRODUCED MYSELF.

I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, AM I?

YOU'RE DOING FINE.

I'M ITHACA.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, WILLIAM.

IT'S MY PLEASURE.

I'M SORRY.

I-I DON'T SOCIALIZE VERY OFTEN.

SO I'VE HEARD.

( both chuckle )

I'M ACTUALLY NERVOUS, TOO.

IT'S MY FIRST FORMAL DANCE WITH A PRINCESS.

I HEAR IT'S OVERRATED.

( mouthing )

I KNOW WHO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR,

AND I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T FOUND HER YET.

( gasps )

I KNEW YOU'D COME.

MEET ME HERE AT THE CASTLE TOMORROW AT NOON.

( applause )

♪♪

( front door opens )

CHEERS.

SO?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SPENT MY LIFE SAVINGS ON A DATE.

I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED.

OKAY, TELL ME WHAT SHE SAID, WORD FOR WORD.

SO I STARTED YOUR CHEESY PICK-UP LINE,

MM-HMM.

"I KNOW WHO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AND I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T FOUND HER YET."

GOOD. FOLLOWED BY...

DUDE, I DIDN'T EVEN GET THE SECOND PART OF IT OUT.

SHE CUT ME OFF. SHE FREAKED OUT.

YOU THINK SHE'S ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR SOMEONE?

YEAH! SHE THINKS YOU KNOW WHO THIS PERSON IS.

I MEAN, THE GIRL'S COMPLETELY SPUN, BUT THE POINT IS,

YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING SHE WANTS.

YEAH, BUT I DON'T REALLY.

OKAY, SURE, NOT TECHNICALLY. LOOK...

HAVE FUN, BUT BEAR IN MIND THE PSYCHOTIC BREAK IS COMING.

IF IT GETS FREAKY, USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

I THINK MAYBE I'LL JUST GET TO KNOW HER FIRST.

WELL, YOU GOT TWO WEEKS TO GET OUT OF THE NURSERY

AND YOU JUST SPENT YOUR LIFE SAVINGS ON A DATE.

TO MY GOOD FRIEND WILL.

MAY HE BE THE PROVERBIAL PEA

UNDER THIS CHICK'S DEEPLY DISTURBED MATTRESS.

( both chuckle )

HI.

HI THERE.

HI.

MA'AM?

HELLO?

WELL...

IF IT ISN'T MONEYBAGS.

THE PRINCESS IS WAITING FOR YOU OUT BACK IN THE GARDEN.

FOLLOW ME.

WHOA! IS THAT A FOOTPRINT?

NO!

THAT WAS A GOPHER HOLE.

BIG FREAKIN' GOPHER.

YOU'RE HUNGRY, AREN'T YOU?

( chuckles )

HI. OH, KISSES.

THERE YOU GO.

YOU'RE SO SWEET.

THERE YOU GO, DARLING.

( chuckles ) YOU'RE ADORABLE.

HELLO.

HI.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

I THINK WE SHOULD BE ALONE TO TALK, NANA.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THE PROPERTY, ARE YOU?

I DON'T BELIEVE SO.

GOOD. IF YOU SCREAM, I CAN HEAR IT FROM THE KITCHEN.

( laughs )

( both laugh )

I MAY BE GOING OUT ON A LIMB HERE,

BUT I DON'T THINK NANA PARTICULARLY LIKES ME.

SHE'S JUST PROTECTIVE.

SHE FACILITATES MY CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE

AND PLACES HER JUDGMENTS ACCORDINGLY.

SHE FACILITATES YOUR CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE?

OH, OF COURSE. AS YOU KNOW, MY WORK IS HERE.

OF COURSE.

NANA WAS GETTING SO WORRIED--

WE BOTH WERE--

THAT TIME WAS RUNNING OUT.

BUT YOU'RE HERE NOW.

YES, I AM.

I'M SO NEW AT THIS.

SO AM I.

GOOD POINT. MAYBE WE CAN BOTH HELP EACH OTHER FIGURE IT OUT.

MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

SURE.

I'VE BEEN HAVING THESE DREAMS...

ABOUT HER.

IT'S AS IF I'M IN HER HEAD, I'M IN HER HEART.

IS THAT NORMAL?

IS IT NORMAL TO HAVE DREAMS?

YES. YES, DREAMS ARE TOTALLY NORMAL.

SEE, YOU'RE ALREADY HELPING ME.

SO, I ASSUME YOU'LL BE GOING OUT LOOKING TODAY?

YES, LOOKING.

BUT I ALSO WANTED TO ASK YOU TO DINNER,

TOMORROW NIGHT...

IF YOU'RE FREE.

ARE--YOU MEAN FOR THE DATE?

YES.

FOR THE DATE.

OH.

BUT...I THOUGHT WE WOULD JUST GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

OH, WE WILL.

BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER FIRST.

BUT WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK LEFT.

WHICH WILL BE MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME.

TOMORROW NIGHT IT IS THEN.

FANTASTIC.

UM, I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 8:00.

YOU'RE NOT AT ALL WHAT I EXPECTED FROM A SEARCHER.

WELL, AREN'T WE ALL SEARCHERS...

AT THE END OF THE DAY?

I'M OFF...TO SEARCH.

Louis: SO THE TIARA'D ONE IS DEFINITIVELY UNHINGED?

I DON'T KNOW. SHE JUST SEEMS SO TRAPPED IN THAT CASTLE,

AND NANA'S A TOTAL CONTROL FREAK.

SHE'S A LITTLE EAGER WITH THE SHOVEL.

HONEY, YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME LOOK.

YES, I AM. I'M DOING VERY IMPORTANT RESEARCH BACK HERE.

WHAT IS THIS?

SHE SAID SHE'S HAVING DREAMS,

ABOUT SOME OTHER GIRL.

AHH, LESBIAN DELUSIONS.

PERFECT. YOU THINK SHE'S ON SOMETHING?

NO, I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

I THINK YOU NEED TO DECIDE WHETHER YOU WANT TO BE

THE LION TAMER OR THE TRAPEZE ARTIST,

BECAUSE THERE IS A CIRCUS GOING ON IN THIS WOMAN'S HEAD.

I'M GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH HER TOMORROW NIGHT.

YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH THE PRINCESS TOMORROW?

OH, HOW ROMANTIC.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'M GONNA HAVE TO

BORROW SOME MONEY.

I GOT A BETTER IDEA.

SOPH AND I GET THESE ENDLESS CHARITY DINNER INVITES.

TAKE HER TO ONE OF THOSE.

DON'T YOU THINK I SHOULD GET TO KNOW HER ONE-ON-ONE FIRST?

SURE, AFTER A FREE MEAL.

I DON'T LIKE YOU LEAVING THE GROUNDS WITH HIM.

THEY'RE HUNGRY. CAN WE HAVE THIS CONVERSATION LATER?

I DIDN'T LIKE THIS WHOLE DATE THING TO BEGIN WITH.

IT'S NOT A DATE, NANA.

HE'S A SEARCHER.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

YES, I DO. IT'S HIM.

I KNOW IT.

HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?

YOU SHOULD JUST BE HAPPY HE'S HERE.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

WE'RE STILL RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

( rumbling noise )

( sighs )

NANA, STOP WORRYING.

IT'S MY JOB TO WORRY.

( roaring noise )

IF HE IS THE SEARCHER, I JUST HOPE HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

'CAUSE HE SURE DOESN'T LOOK IT.

( Ithaca gasping )

( gasping )

YOU HAD THAT DREAM AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU?

WILLIAM TOLD ME IT WAS NORMAL.

I DIDN'T SEE HER FACE, BUT NANA,

SHE'S SO SCARED.

YOU SHOULD STAY IN TONIGHT,

NOT GO OUT INTO THE CITY ALONE.

I WON'T BE ALONE. I'LL BE WITH HIM.

HE SHOULD BE SEARCHING, NOT ROMANCING YOU.

HE'S NOT.

HE'S--HE'S NOT AT ALL.

YOU CAN RELAX. THIS WILL BE PAINLESS, I PROMISE.

I DON'T GET OUT MUCH.

IT'S ALL A LITTLE NEW. I'M JUST--

A BIT NERVOUS?

ME TOO.

WOULD LIKE CHAMPAGNE?

OH, NO, THANK YOU.

ARE YOU SURE?

IT MIGHT HELP YOU PRETEND THAT

YOU FIND ME SO CHARMING AND ATTRACTIVE

THAT YOU DECIDED TO VENTURE OUT OF YOUR CASTLE

FOR A DATE WITH ME.

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CHARMING AND ATTRACTIVE?

YOU JUST WON AN AUCTION. A DEAL'S A DEAL.

( laughs )

I'M GONNA HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU.

JUST LOOK OUT FOR HER.

DID YOU MAKE ANY PROGRESS TODAY?

TONS.

TONS.

( classical music playing )

( guests chattering )

SO, UM, YOUR HIGHNESS,

WHERE EXACTLY DO THE FUNDS FROM YOUR ANNUAL EVENT GO?

I'M SORRY?

WE'RE ALL INTERESTED IN MAINTAINING A PROPER BALANCE

OF THE SPECIES ON THE PLANET.

EXACTLY WHICH SPECIES ARE OUR FUNDS PROTECTING THIS YEAR?

KAREN, I THINK THE ANSWER TO THAT WOULD BE RATHER OBVIOUS.

WELL, I MEAN, SPECIFICALLY.

BABY SEALS, WHALES?

I DON'T KNOW, THE AFRICAN TIGER?

( stammers )

THE PRINCESS PERSONALLY ASSURES THAT THE DONATIONS

GO TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES IN THE FIELDS

OF ANIMAL CONSERVATION AND PROTECTION.

ANY DONOR WORTH A DAMN KNOWS TO DO THEIR DUTY

AND LEAVE THE REST UP TO THE EXPERTS.

WELL SAID.

( guests agree )

WELL, WE ALL SAW FIRSTHAND HOW YOU TWO MET.

ONE OF THE MOST ROMANTIC INTRODUCTIONS I'VE EVER SEEN, BY THE WAY.

BUT YOU MUST TELL US, WILLIAM,

HOW DID YOU CONVINCE THE PRINCESS

TO COME TO OUR HUMBLE LITTLE SOIREE?

DARLING, DON'T EMBARRASS THEM.

WELL, THIS IS ACTUALLY OUR FIRST DATE.

THE DATE FROM THE AUCTION!

WELL, WE'RE DOUBLY HONORED.

I THINK I MAY HAVE INTRIGUED THE PRINCESS

WITH SOMETHING I SAID DURING OUR FIRST DANCE.

WHAT WAS IT?

DO YOU REMEMBER, PRINCESS?

OH, WELL...

THE EVENING WAS SO OVERWHELMING...

I THINK IT WAS...

I REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.

IT WAS THE LAST DANCE OF THE EVENING,

AND I PULLED THE PRINCESS CLOSE

AND I WHISPERED INTO HER EAR...

"RUMPELSTILTSKIN."

( group laughs )

IT SERVES US RIGHT FOR BEING SO NOSY.

IT'S MY DEEP PERSONAL BELIEF, PRINCESS,

THAT THERE ARE SOME SECRETS

THAT JUST DON'T BELONG TO THE REST OF THE WORLD.

( guests agree )

( indistinct chatter )

YOU KNOW, THE FABRICS THAT YOU WEAR ARE ALMOST OTHER-WORLDLY.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING QUITE LIKE THEM.

THANK YOU.

NOW LOOK AT THAT.

HOMELESS PEOPLE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

( grunts )

DRUNK. FIGURES.

PRINCESS!

YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

Photographer: PRINCESS!

SO...

THEY WERE A LITTLE NOSEY,

BUT THAT WAS FUN.

THANK YOU FOR RESCUING ME TWICE TONIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE--

TO RESCUE PRINCESSES.

( chuckles )

LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.

( door shuts )

SO...

( chuckles )

THAT DIDN'T LOOK STUPID AT ALL.

( chuckles )

OH, AND NANA SAW THAT.

THAT'S GREAT.

DON'T WORRY.

SO I ASSUME YOU'LL BE GOING LOOKING FOR HER TOMORROW.

YES.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME?

I THOUGHT SEARCHERS ALWAYS WORKED ALONE.

WHY STAND ON FORMALITY?

NANA WOULDN'T LIKE IT.

THERE'S A SHOCKER.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT TO COME.

WHAT CAN SHE DO? IT'S ALMOST MY 25th BIRTHDAY, RIGHT?

GREAT. MEET ME AT THE WATERFRONT AT 1:00.

IT'S A DATE.

THAT WAS NOT PART OF THE DEAL.

( door shuts )

HEY, HEY, YOU AND THE VIRGIN PRINCESS MADE THE SOCIETY COLUMNS AGAIN.

CHECK THAT OUT.

( chuckles )

SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

THIS WHOLE THING FEELS LIKE IT WAS MEANT TO BE.

YOU WIN THIS GOLDEN TICKET TO DANCE WITH HER,

THEN START SQUIRING HER AROUND TOWN.

IT JUST FEELS LIKE SUCH A FAIRY TALE.

I'M AFRAID MY WIFE'S GONNA BE DISAPPOINTED WHEN THE, UH, FREAKY BUBBLE BURSTS.

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

ARE YOU SEEING HER TODAY?

YEAH, THIS AFTERNOON.

PERFECT. WE GOTTA BUILD ON THIS PRESS YOU'RE GETTING.

CALL MY FRIEND AT THE PAPER.

HE'S PSYCHED; I'VE ALREADY PREPPED HIM.

NO.

JUST DO IT. THIS IS YOUR FUTURE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU KNOW, IT'D BE EVEN BETTER IF YOU COULD DIG UP

SOME KIND OF SCANDAL AROUND HER THAT YOU COULD BE IN THE CENTER OF.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT AND NEITHER ARE YOU.

WHAT?

LOUIS, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

( dials )

( phone ringing )

Woman: LIFESTYLE DESK.

YEAH, HEY, STEVE LaROCHE, PLEASE.

LaROCHE.

YEAH, STEVE, HEY, IT'S LOUIS JERGENS.

REMEMBER THAT FRIEND I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT?

YEAH, THE PRINCESS THING.

THIS COULD BE HUGE.

Man: HOT DOG.

THIS IS FUN. I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

YOU KNOW, I'VE STAYED ON CASTLE GROUNDS SINCE I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD.

YOU DO REALIZE THAT THAT'S NOT NORMAL?

OH, NOTHING IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN NORMAL.

BUT YOU KNOW WHY I HAD TO BE PROTECTED.

OH, YEAH. SURE.

I GUESS NOT EVERYONE GETS TO LIVE IN A CASTLE.

Girl: GOING TO A PARTY? LOVE THE DRESS.

NOW, ALL THESE PEOPLE STARING AT US, THAT'S COMPLIMENTS OF YOU.

YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHY PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU?

WHY DO YOU THINK? BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN OF CHILD-BEARING AGE?

( chuckles ) YES, I THINK THAT'S PART OF IT.

BUT NOT ONLY ARE YOU REMARKABLY BEAUTIFUL,

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST STEPPED OUT OF A FAIRY TALE,

LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN THEME PARK OR SOMETHING.

THIS IS HOW I'VE DRESSED MY WHOLE LIFE.

THIS IS WHO I AM.

AND DOES THE WAY THAT I'M DRESSED TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT WHO I AM?

BECAUSE I CAN USE ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.

HONESTLY?

YOU LOOK A LITTLE...LOST.

FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GET OUT MUCH, YOU'RE AWFULLY PERCEPTIVE.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ICE CREAM?

OH, YES.

TWO, PLEASE.

♪ HERE WE ARE ♪

♪ STRETCHED OUT LIKE A PAIR OF SHOOTING STARS ♪

♪ ON ANY GIVEN DAY ♪

♪ LOVE COMES INTO PLAY ♪

( laughing )

YOU ARE VERY UNUSUAL.

HOW'S THAT?

MOST SEARCHERS ARE USUALLY VERY OLD

AND NOT PARTICULARLY GOOD-LOOKING.

WELL, I'LL TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.

MY MOTHER'S SEARCHER WAS 103 AND WAS SO WEAK THAT HE COULDN'T SEARCH.

HE HAD TO JUST GIVE HER THE INFORMATION SHE NEEDED.

WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE WAS VERY LUCKY THAT SHE GOT THAT INFORMATION.

WE'RE BOTH LUCKY.

I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SHE HAD BEEN TOO LATE.

ARE YOU OKAY?

IT'S AMAZING HOW LITTLE THE SEARCHERS KNOW.

MY MOTHER'S SEARCHER DIDN'T KNOW MUCH EITHER.

YOUR MOTHER PASSED AWAY, IS THAT RIGHT?

SHE WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT SIX YEARS AGO.

I'M SO SORRY.

THANK YOU.

SHE LED A FULL LIFE

OUT IN THE WORLD AFTER SHE TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING SHE KNEW.

OF COURSE, SHE WASN'T MY MOTHER IN THE USUAL SENSE,

BUT YOU KNEW THAT.

YES, OF COURSE.

( shivers )

WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST GOT THE WEIRDEST FEELING.

YOU HAVE TO TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

NO, IT WAS JUST NOTHING. IT WAS--

WILLIAM, LISTEN TO ME.

DON'T YOU SEE? MAYBE IT'S HER THAT YOU'RE SENSING.

OKAY.

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH SHE NEEDS ME.

THAT'S WHAT GAVE ME THE CREEPS.

THAT MAN OVER THERE-- IT'S THE SAME ONE WE SAW AFTER THE DINNER PARTY.

COME ON, LET'S GO TO THE PARK.

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL HERE.

( ducks quacking )

( quacking continues )

HELLO THERE.

( chirping )

( chuckles )

PRINCESS!

Girl: PRINCESS!

Girls: PRINCESS! PRINCESS!

( chuckles )

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LIVES IN THE CASTLE ON THE HILL.

IS IT TRUE? IS IT TRUE?

IS WHAT TRUE?

DO YOU HAVE A ROOM ALL COVERED IN DIAMONDS,

AND HUNDREDS OF DRESSES, AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS,

AND MAGIC WANDS AND TRAMPOLINES?

I'M AFRAID I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

( girls sigh disappointedly )

BUT I DO HAVE A GIANT PILE OF RUBIES,

DRESSES THAT MAKE THEMSELVES,

AND A ROOM FILLED ENTIRELY WITH CHOCOLATE AIR.

( chuckles )

SHE'S GOT A ROOM FILLED WITH CHOCOLATE AIR.

Girls: WOW!

( all chuckle )

ARE YOU HER PRINCE CHARMING?

NO, JUST THE FROG.

( girls laugh )

OH, PLEASE.

AND SIGN THIS ONE, TOO.

( excited clamoring )

( shutters snapping )

COME ON, GUYS, BACK OFF.

( snapping continues )

JUST BACK OFF. COME ON, BACK OFF.

( snapping continues )

Girls: BYE.

BYE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PROTECTING ME.

YEAH, IT'S GETTING TO BE A HABIT.

WHY DON'T YOU COME AND HAVE DINNER AT THE CASTLE TOMORROW NIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU ARE THE SEARCHER, AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN IN OUR HOME.

I'D LOVE TO.

WONDERFUL. SO TOMORROW NIGHT AT 8:00.

WE'LL CELEBRATE WHAT'S TO COME.

LOOK, TELL ME YOU DIDN'T CALL YOUR FRIEND AT THE PAPER.

NO, WHY?

BECAUSE WE WERE SWARMED BY PAPARAZZI.

REALLY? THAT'S WEIRD.

LOOK, LOUIS, ITHACA IS AMAZING.

I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND FOR HOURS JUST THINKING ABOUT HER.

I WISH I COULD FIGURE HER OUT.

NO ONE CAN FIGURE HER OUT, MAN.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON. I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

ALL RIGHT.

( floor squeaks )

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST...

HOW'S THE SEARCH GOING?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND HER BY FOLLOWING ME.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT ITHACA.

THE DEAL WAS ONE DANCE AND ONE DATE,

NOT STALKING PRIVILEGES.

KEEP YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF OF THAT.

DO NOT TOUCH THAT!

( sizzling sound )

AAH! AAH!

MM!

BETTER WIPE YOUR FINGERS UNLESS YOU WANT THIRD-DEGREE BURNS IN THE MORNING.

NANA, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PRINCESS

AND MY QUEST.

WHY DON'T YOU STOP THIS GAME YOU'RE PLAYING?

TAKING ADVANTAGE OF A PRINCESS.

I MAY NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BUT I KNOW WHO YOU AREN'T.

SO NANA IS TOTALLY ON TO ME.

SO THE OLD LADY FINDS YOU REPELLANT. BETTER HER THAN THE PRINCESS.

( sighs ) BUT WHAT WAS IN THOSE JARS?

WHO CARES? YOU'RE OVER-ANALYZING THIS.

LAST WEEK YOU'RE DEPRESSED,

THIS WEEK YOU'RE DATING A PRINCESS WITH A ROCKING BODY.

LOU--LOUIS, THIS ONE FITS UP TO THREE INFANT CAR SEATS.

THAT'S EXCITING, HONEY. I CAN'T WAIT TO RIDE IN THAT

INSTEAD OF MY RARE CAR THAT MAKES GROWN MEN WEEP.

OH, THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF CRYING IN THE MINIVAN, TOO, HONEY.

HUH.

OKAY, STAY WITH MY QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS.

WHAT ABOUT THE HOMELESS GUY? WHAT IF HE'S FOLLOWING HER?

THEN RESCUE HER! THAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT PRESS RELEASE.

PEOPLE LOVE STORIES ABOUT PRINCESSES BEING RESCUED.

WELL, MAYBE SHE'LL RESCUE YOU.

SWEETIE, SWEETIE, OKAY, SO THIS ONE HAS EASY-WIPE SEATS.

IT'S GOOD FOR LEAKY DIAPERS AND BABY PUKE.

( chuckles )

WHO NEEDS BUTTERY IMPORTED LEATHER WHEN YOU CAN HAVE EASY-WIPE VINYL?

OOH.

WHAT IF HE'S THE ONE?

WHO?

THE HOMELESS GUY.

WHAT IF HE'S THE ONE THAT SHE'S BEEN WAITING FOR?

THE SEARCHER THAT SHE THINKS I AM?

I'M THE IMPOSTER, AND NOW HE'S AFTER ME.

IRRATIONAL PARANOIA, CHECK.

I'M JUST STARTING TO BELIEVE THAT SOMETHING REAL IS GOING ON HERE.

LOOK, WILL, WHY DON'T YOU FOCUS ON BECOMING RICH AND FAMOUS

INSTEAD OF CREATING ALL THESE DOOMSDAY SCENARIOS, HUH?

I GUESS I AM BEING A LITTLE PARANOID.

JUST A LITTLE.

( panting )

( grunts )

( roars )

( gasps )

LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

( children giggling )

THIS WAY.

MR. WILLIAM HUMPHREY.

WILLIAM!

I'M SO EXCITED TO HAVE YOU HERE.

OH, THIS IS CALA. SHE'S BEEN STAYING WITH US, AND SHE REALLY WANTED TO MEET YOU.

I'M WILLIAM. IT'S A PLEASURE.

WOULD YOU LIKE A GLASS OF WINE?

I'D LOVE ONE, THANKS.

GOOD, LET'S BE FESTIVE.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE'LL GET FOR DINNER?

I'VE BEEN ILL, SO I'LL JUST BE HAVING THIS SHAKE.

IT'S FULL OF LOTS OF GOOD THINGS--

MINERALS, SEAWEED, PLANKTON.

AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING HERE?

JUST A MONTH.

I CAN LEAVE AS SOON AS I GET MY STRENGTH BACK.

THERE YOU GO.

IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME, CALA.

YOU NEED TO GET SOME REST.

GOOD NIGHT, WILLIAM.

GOOD NIGHT.

UGH!

HORS D'OEUVRES?

( frogs croaking )

MM.

NOT A FROG MAN?

MM. NOT TONIGHT.

( croaks )

NO, I'M GOOD.

WE HAVE RAT BRAIN YAKITORI.

MM. ( chuckles )

AND YOU DO EAT EYE OF NEWT, DON'T YOU? HMM?

NANA, HONESTLY, YOU'RE POSITIVELY WICKED.

( chuckles )

SORRY. IT'S HER IDEA OF A JOKE.

OH, WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE. I MEAN, IF THERE'S ONE THING WE KNOW ABOUT NANA--

THAT OLD GAL'S GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR.

( chuckles ) SHE'S A LITTLE CRABBY AND OLD SCHOOL,

BUT SHE HAS A GOOD HEART.

COME, LET'S GO SEE WHAT'S FOR DINNER.

( laughing )

THIS IS DELICIOUS.

NANA'S AN AMAZING COOK.

AND WITH THAT PERSONALITY, HOW IS SHE STILL SINGLE?

( chuckles )

I TAKE IT SHE TRIED KISSING THOSE FROGS

AND NEVER TURNED UP WITH A PRINCE.

( chuckles )

NANA SAYS FAIRY TALE PRINCES ARE A MYTH.

THEY'RE RIGHT UP THERE WITH TRUE LOVE.

OH, SEE, I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE.

NOW, WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF ANYTHING IF WE DIDN'T?

WELL, HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED IT YOURSELF?

WELL, NO.

THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW IT EXISTS?

WELL, SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO GO ON FAITH.

MY LIFE'S WORK IS THE ONLY FAITH I NEED.

SO NANA IS YOUR GRANDMOTHER?

NO, SHE WAS MY MOTHER'S CARETAKER.

NOW SHE'S MINE.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?

MM. I DON'T SEE THEM MUCH ANYMORE.

HOW SAD FOR YOU.

( crashing sound )

PRINCESS!

PRINCESS, I--I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE IMMEDIATELY.

CAN I HELP?

NO.

NO, I'M SURE WE CAN HANDLE IT.

EXCUSE ME.

COME QUICKLY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

IN THE KITCHEN, IT WAS SO SUDDEN.

( banging sounds )

( children giggling )

( children gasp )

WHAT WAS IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S SOMETHING HERE.

( children laughing )

Ithaca: HE'S BETTER.

Nana: HE WOULDN'T CALM DOWN.

HE'S OKAY NOW, HE'S RESTING.

( sighs ) ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

LET ME SEE YOUR ARM.

IT'S FINE. IT'S NOTHING.

BUT HE ATTACKED YOU. HE DREW BLOOD.

HE DIDN'T MEAN TO. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

WILLIAM CAN'T SEE YOU LIKE THIS.

I HAVE TO GET BACK TO HIM.

NO, WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN

IS HE NEEDS TO BE OUT THERE SEARCHING.

NANA, PLEASE.

YOU'RE FALLING FOR HIM, AND IT'S DANGEROUS.

I AM NOT.

OF COURSE I'M NOT. THAT'S ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS.

YES, YOU ARE.

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT HIM THAT FEELS RIGHT TO ME.

NOTHING.

I'M TELLING YOU IT'S DANGEROUS TO HAVE HIM HERE.

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

I'M GOING DOWNSTAIRS TO SEE OUR GUEST.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

( banging sound )

( heavy breathing )

HELLO?

IS SOMEBODY THERE?

( heavy breathing continues )

( growls )

( growls )

( growls )

OKAY, OKAY, I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE, MAN--

( growls )

STOP--STOP GROWLING.

EASY. EASY, KITTY.

CREATURE. THING.

WHATEVER YOU ARE.

LOOK, I'M NOT-- I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.

( growls )

UGH!

( growls )

LET HIM GO!

( gasping )

WILLIAM, I CAN EXPLAIN.

LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHY THAT THING IS DOWN HERE.

HE DIDN'T MEAN TO.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME.

WILLIAM, WAIT.

ALL OF YOU, JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME.

WILLIAM, PLEASE.

WILLIAM.

Man on radio: ANDERSON LOOKS TO RETIRE THE SIDE HERE TONIGHT IN THE BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH.

IT'S BEEN A STRONG SHOWING FOR THE YOUNG BUCK ANDERSON.

( doorbell rings )

HONEY, CAN YOU GET THAT?

SURE, BABY.

HERE COMES THE PITCH.

ANOTHER 97-MILE-AN-HOUR FASTBALL.

HOLY...

I'M SORRY TO DISTURB YOU.

I REALLY NEED TO SPEAK TO WILLIAM.

OH.

HI.

OH, HELLO. OH, COME IN, PLEASE.

YEAH, SORRY.

SORRY ABOUT THE MESS. UGH.

CAN I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE OR A BUNDT CAKE?

UH, NO, THANK YOU.

CHICKEN WING?

WILL SHOULD BE BACK ANY MINUTE.

YEAH, HE'S BEEN ROAMING AROUND HERE LIKE A ZOMBIE.

FIGURED SOMETHING HAPPENED BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU,

BUT HE WOULDN'T TELL US A DAMN--

UH, HONEY, PANTS.

OH, RIGHT.

PRETTY SOON, I'LL BE DRESSING TWO BABIES.

WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE HAVING LIFE INSIDE YOU?

IT'S GREAT... AND WEIRD.

DO YOU WANNA FEEL THE BABY KICK?

YES.

( chuckles )

OH!

( chuckles )

HAVEN'T ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS HAD CHILDREN YET?

YES, BUT NOT HUMAN FRIENDS.

( door shuts )

WILLIAM.

YOU'RE HURT.

I AM SO SORRY.

WE'LL JUST, UM, GO...

( chuckles ) NOT HUMAN FRIENDS?

HOW'D YOU GET HERE?

I TOOK MY FIRST CAB EVER.

NANA NEVER WOULD HAVE DRIVEN ME.

GOD, I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT EVERYTHING.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH. YES.

I'M FINE, EXCEPT FOR THIS BRUISE THAT RUNS FROM MY NECK TO MY ANKLES.

LOUIS THINKS IT'S THE LONGEST TRAIL OF HICKEYS IN HISTORY.

I NEVER SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT YOU INTO THE CASTLE.

HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO DEFEND HIMSELF.

WHO? THE MAN-MONSTER THAT I ENCOUNTERED IN YOUR BASEMENT,

OR THE GIANT SQUID?

BOTH.

BOTH.

BUT HE'S NOT A MONSTER, HE'S A MANTICORE.

A MANTICORE?

YES, THAT NOISE WE HEARD DURING DINNER WAS HIS UNEXPECTED ARRIVAL.

HE WAS FOLLOWING ME.

HE WAS LOST AND DISORIENTED, BUT HE COULDN'T APPROACH,

NOT WHILE YOU WERE WITH ME.

THEY KNOW THAT IF THEY REVEAL THEMSELVES, HUMANS MIGHT TRY AND KILL THEM.

THEY?

( chuckles ) WHO--WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT?

NOT ALL OF THEM.

SOMETIMES IT'S A UNICORN, SOMETIMES A PIXIE.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURES,

AS IN "MYTH," AS IN THEY DON'T EXIST.

YOU'VE MET THEM, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

COME ON. THAT'S ONLY IN FAIRY TALES.

WHERE DO YOU THINK THE STORIES COME FROM?

THEY'VE BEEN AROUND FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS,

BUT THEY RARELY SHOW THEMSELVES.

UNTIL THEY JUST POP UP IN YOUR BASEMENT.

THEY HAVE AN INSTINCT WHEN THEY'RE HURT,

TO COME TO ME FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.

SO YOU'RE...

YOU'RE LIKE A DOCTOR TO THESE CREATURES.

OF COURSE, I'M THE HEALER.

THEY LISTEN TO ME.

HE DID LET YOU GO WHEN I TOLD HIM TO.

SO IF I'D JUST ASKED NICELY...

NO, I'M THE ONLY ONE WITH THE POWER TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM.

AND CALA. DON'T TELL ME. SHE'S, UM...

MER-PERSON, YES.

MER-PERSON.

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I CAN'T DO IT.

OF COURSE YOU CAN. YOU WERE CHOSEN.

NO, ITHACA, I WASN'T CHOSEN FOR ANYTHING.

I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT--

COME BACK TO THE CASTLE WITH ME.

LET ME SHOW YOU EVERYTHING.

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, ITHACA.

I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT I'M--

WILLIAM, PLEASE, I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS.

COME WITH ME AND MEET THOSE WHOSE LIVES YOU'RE SAVING.

Ithaca: DON'T BE SCARED. NOTHING'S GOING TO KILL YOU.

OH, THAT'S GREAT. NOTHING'S GONNA KILL ME.

WHAT ABOUT BLUDGEON, MAIM, OR GNAW ON ME?

NONE OF THE ABOVE, I PROMISE.

WHO ARE THOSE LADIES WHO DO THE GARDENING?

THEY'RE WOOD NYMPHS. THEY LIVE HUNDREDS OF YEARS.

BUT TO HIDE THEIR AGELESS BEAUTY, THEY ONLY SHOW THEIR YOUTH INSIDE THE CASTLE.

SO WILL YOU LIVE HUNDREDS OF YEARS?

I'M MORTAL, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ASKING,

AS IS NANA.

I'LL AGE AND DIE JUST LIKE YOU.

THEN HOW DID YOU...

IT'S NOT A JOB YOU CHOOSE.

YOU'RE BORN INTO IT, LIKE A MANTLE THAT PASSES DOWN.

WE'RE ALL ORPHANS FOUND BY THE SEARCHERS.

SO THE WOMAN THAT YOU CALL MOTHER, SHE WAS...

THE LAST PRINCESS, YES.

SHE RAISED ME AND TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING SHE KNEW.

IT'S PRETTY SCARY WHEN YOU FIND OUT

THAT THE MONSTERS IN YOUR CLOSET AS A CHILD ARE REAL.

YOU MUST'VE MISSED OUT ON SO MANY THINGS,

DEVOTING YOUR LIFE TO THIS.

THINGS THAT MOST PEOPLE...

WHAT?

MEN?

ACCORDING TO NANA, I'M BETTER OFF WITHOUT ALL OF THAT.

PRINCESS, YOU'RE BACK.

IT'S HAPPENED.

THERE'S SOMEONE YOU NEED TO MEET.

COME WITH ME.

( baby cooing )

SHE WANTED YOU TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO HOLD HER.

( cooing continues )

( giggles )

( chuckles )

YOU'RE THE ONE, AREN'T YOU?

THIS IS WHAT WE'RE PROTECTING.

I REALLY NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

SO WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

I'M NOT THE GUY YOU THINK I AM.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

AT THE BALL--

YOU CONFUSED ME WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I'M NOT THE SEARCHER.

I--I JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I WAS SO DRAWN TO YOU.

AND I WAS DRAWN TO YOU.

BUT WHEN THIS ALL STARTED, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WERE.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

I'M SORRY I LED YOU ON.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

ITHACA, I'M NOT HIM.

THEN WHO ARE YOU.

I'M NO ONE.

MY LIFE WAS GOING NOWHERE.

I WAS LOST.

BUT NOW I THINK--

NOW I KNOW, ITHACA,

THAT I AM FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.

THAT DAY AT THE WATERFRONT,

YOU STILL HAVE THE INSTINCT.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

I DON'T HAVE ANY INSTINCT.

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

I'M SORRY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT I ONLY HAVE TWO DAYS LEFT TO FIND HER?

ALL OF THESE CREATURES WILL BE COMPLETELY HELPLESS.

THE SICK ONES WILL DIE, OTHERS WILL BECOME DANGEROUS.

WELL, LET ME HELP YOU. I WANT TO HELP YOU.

YOU CAN'T HELP ME.

I FINALLY REALIZED WHO YOU ARE.

YOU'RE A PERSON WHO TAKES ADVANTAGE OF INNOCENCE WITH MANIPULATIONS AND LIES,

AND YOU DON'T CARE WHO GETS HURT OR EVEN DIES IN THE PROCESS.

AND YOU THINK YOU'RE FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME.

YOU DON'T BETRAY THE PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE.

( door shuts )

I MADE YOU FAMOUS. HUH?

NO.

"HER PRINCE HAS COME.

"THE RUMOR-PROVOKING PRINCESS ITHACA HAS BEEN ON THE TOWN

"WITH WILLIAM HUMPHREY, PICTURED,

"WHO WAS A GENEROUS DONOR

AT THE PRINCESS' ANNUAL BALL THIS YEAR.

THE COZY PAIR HAS BEEN SEEN CANOODLING AROUND THE CITY,"

MY WORD, "AND IT LOOKS LIKE CHILDREN ARE ALREADY ON THEIR MINDS."

HUH? YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW, TELL ME, WHAT HAPPENED IN THE CASTLE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS, MAN.

COME ON, YOU KNEW I WAS GONNA MAKE THAT CALL.

NO, I DIDN'T. IN FACT, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT.

YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE.

WELL, SOMEONE HAD TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

OH, LIKE YOU'RE TAKING CONTROL OF YOURS?

YOU JUST HAVE ME AS SOME LITTLE PET PROJECT,

SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH THE FACT

THAT YOUR CHILD IS COMING INTO THIS WORLD.

WHAT?

YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME. MY PLAN IS WORKING.

I'VE JUST BEEN TRYING TO HELP YOU, DUDE.

YOU WERE IN A DOWNWARD SPIRAL.

MAYBE MY FAILURES PUT ME EXACTLY WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE.

( scoffs ) WITH A DERANGED PRINCESS?

DO NOT EVER CALL HER CRAZY AGAIN.

I'M IN LOVE WITH HER.

YOU LET YOURSELF FALL IN LOVE WITH HER?

YES.

AND NOW SHE'S NEVER GONNA SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.

AND IT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THAT.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Nana: I TOLD YOU WE COULDN'T TRUST HIM.

NOW WHAT DO WE DO?

BUT WHAT IF THERE'S A CHANCE IT COULD STILL BE HIM?

HE WAS DRAWN TO ME, TOO. HE SAID HE WAS.

THEN WE ARE TRULY LOST.

NOW IT'S UP TO ME.

I TAKE IT THINGS WENT REALLY BADLY WITH THE PRINCESS?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME IF IT'S TOO PERSONAL.

LET'S JUST SAY I'M NOT THE GUY SHE'S LOOKING FOR.

OH, WILL.

I'M SORRY IF IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE.

DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?

THAT THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE?

SURE. DON'T YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

WILL, YOU'RE JUST A KNIGHT WITHOUT A QUEST RIGHT NOW,

SO FIND YOUR QUEST.

IF IT'S THE PRINCESS, THEN GO AFTER HER.

I THINK IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE FOR THAT.

I'M SORRY IF I'M BEING TOO HONEST, WILL,

BUT YOU'VE DONE THIS FOR AS LONG AS I'VE KNOWN YOU.

IT'S ALWAYS WHEN THINGS GET TOO HARD OR SOMETHING DOESN'T WORK OUT, YOU--YOU RUN.

BUT YOU'RE JUST RUNNING FROM YOURSELF.

STOP.

TAKE A LOOK DEEP DOWN, AND YOU WILL FIND OUT WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

♪ SO MANY THINGS TO DO AND SAY ♪

♪ I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND MY WAY ♪

♪ BUT I WANT TO KNOW HOW ♪

♪ OH, WHY DO I REACH FOR STARS ♪

♪ WHEN I DON'T HAVE WINGS ♪

♪ TO CARRY ME THAT FAR? ♪

♪ I GOTTA HAVE ROOTS ♪

♪ BEFORE BRANCHES ♪

♪ TO KNOW WHO I AM ♪

♪ BEFORE I KNOW WHO I WANNA BE ♪

♪ AND FAITH TO TAKE CHANCES ♪

♪ TO LIVE LIKE I SEE ♪

♪ A PLACE IN THIS WORLD FOR ME ♪

♪ OH-OH-OH ♪

♪ HEY ♪

♪ SOMETIMES I DON'T WANNA FEEL ♪

♪ AND FORGET THE PAIN IS REAL ♪

♪ PUT MY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS ♪

♪ OH, START TO RUN AND THEN I FALL ♪

♪ THINKING I CAN GET IT ALL ♪

♪ WITHOUT MY FEET ON THE GROUND ♪

♪ GOTTA HAVE ROOTS BEFORE BRANCHES ♪

♪ AND KNOW WHO I AM ♪

♪ BEFORE I KNOW WHO I WANNA BE ♪

♪ AND FAITH TO TAKE CHANCES ♪

♪ TO LIVE LIKE I SEE ♪

♪ A PLACE IN THIS WORLD ♪

♪ FOR ME ♪

( banging sound )

( manticore roaring )

Nana: STOP THAT, YOU'LL HURT HER.

( roaring continues )

YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN.

( glass breaking )

EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

( glass breaking )

( roaring )

( glass breaking )

( loud knocking )

PRINCESS.

( knocking continues )

NANA, WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME INSIDE? I NEED TO TALK TO ITHACA.

GO AWAY, YOU SPECIES EXTERMINATOR.

WAIT, WAIT, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS HAPPENING?

THEY'RE OUT OF CONTROL.

NANA, I NEED TO TALK TO HER.

SHE WENT OUT TO SEARCH ON SOME FOOL'S ERRAND

FOR A YOUNG GIRL WITH BRAIDS AND A BEETLE TATTOO.

SHE DIDN'T COME HOME LAST NIGHT.

SHE WENT OUT BY HERSELF?

YES.

PRINCESS' HEART IS FRAGILE,

BUT IT'S ALSO VERY BRAVE AND STRONG.

SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO FIND THIS GIRL ALONE,

BUT SHE HAD TO TRY.

HOW LONG DO WE HAVE?

UNTIL SUNRISE TOMORROW.

AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS?

ITHACA TURNS 25 TOMORROW.

SHE WILL LOSE HER POWER,

AND THIS PRINCESS-- THIS YOUNG GIRL--

WILL NEVER GAIN HERS UNLESS SHE'S INSIDE THE CASTLE.

NANA, WHAT IF I AM HIM?

WHAT IF I'M THE SEARCHER?

GO! SEARCH!

STOP! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!

IT'S A COP!

RUN!

( people laughing and applauding )

HEY, GUYS, I'M LOOKING FOR A GIRL.

SHE'S GOT BRAIDS AND A TATTOO OF A BEETLE.

AND I NEED TO FIND HER SOON,

OR SOMETHING TERRIBLE'S GONNA HAPPEN.

BUMMER, DUDE.

( all laughing )

LOOK, GUYS, YOU'VE EITHER SEEN HER OR YOU HAVEN'T.

I'M NOT GONNA HURT HER. I'M TRYIN' TO HELP.

SOMEONE NEEDS HER...DESPERATELY.

YOU'RE NOT FROM CHILD PROTECTION?

NO. I'M JUST...A FRIEND.

I'LL HELP YOU,

IF YOU TELL ME WHY SOMEONE NEEDS HER SO DESPERATELY.

BECAUSE SHE IS THE RIGHTFUL CARETAKER

OF THE MYTHOLOGICAL REALM.

( giggling )

AWESOME.

PHOENIX HAS A TATTOO OF A BEETLE.

SHE'S SITTING OVER THERE.

Boy: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT REALM!

YOU'RE NOT HER.

EXCUSE ME?

YOUR TATTOO...I...

JUST HAD IT DONE LAST WEEK.

WHERE?

AT BODY ART ON MAIN.

THIS DUDE ASKED THE SAME QUESTION AS THAT WEIRD CHICK

IN THE CAVE.

OH, YEAH. THAT ONE'S REAL POPULAR.

( bells jingling )

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WANNA HELP.

HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE?

I'M SORRY, ITHACA.

I'M SORRY THAT I LIED TO YOU.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOUR WORLD EXISTED.

WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU NOW?

I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO TRUST ME.

I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO BELIEVE ME.

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I AM THE SEARCHER...

AND WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.

PLEASE. I WANNA HELP.

THIS IS IT.

STREET KIDS ALWAYS WANT THE SAME ONES

THEY SEEN ON EACH OTHER.

IS THAT THE ONE?

YES, BUT IT LOOKED DIFFERENT IN MY DREAM.

I GOT THE IDEA FROM THIS GIRL,

CAME IN MAYBE A MONTH AGO.

REAL SKITTISH; WANTED TO GET IT REMOVED.

THOUGHT IT WAS BAD LUCK OR SOMETHING.

I TOLD HER, FORGET IT. IT'S A BIRTHMARK.

AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW HER?

YEAH. REAL SAD EYES FOR SUCH A YOUNG KID.

THE CALL HER JITTERBUG.

BUG FOR SHORT.

HANDS SHAKE ALL THE TIME.

COME ON.

THANK YOU.

( dog barking )

( girl shrieks )

Guy: ANOTHER NIGHTMARE?

GO IN THE OTHER ROOM.

I'M OKAY. I WON'T MAKE ANY MORE NOISE, I PROMISE.

I AM SICK OF LOSING SLEEP OVER THIS.

GO!

I DON'T WANNA BE IN THERE ALONE.

I SAID GO.

I THINK I SAW HER AT THE WATERFRONT TODAY,

BUT I CAN'T BE SURE.

THAT FEELING I GOT AT THE PIER--

IT WAS SO STRONG.

YOU SAID IT WAS SCARY

WHEN YOU REALIZED THE MONSTERS YOU SAW IN YOUR CLOSET

AS A CHILD WERE REAL.

THEIR INSTINCT IS TO FIND THE CURRENT HEALER,

BUT SOMETIMES, THEY GET CONFUSED.

SINCE SHE'S THE NEXT ONE, SOME OF THEM WILL BE DRAWN TO HER

ON THEIR WAY TO FINDING ME.

WE'LL FIND HER. I PROMISE.

WE HAVE TO.

OTHERWISE, SHE'LL LOSE HER GIFT,

AND SHE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT SHE WAS MEANT TO DO.

HER DESTINY WILL BE LOST.

GO AWAY, GO AWAY.

GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY.

GO AWAY, GO AWAY.

TELL ME WHAT YOU SAW IN YOUR DREAMS.

NOT MUCH. THERE WAS A SIGN THAT SAID HEAT.

THAT'S ALL.

COME ON.

WHERE?

I JUST HAVE AN INSTINCT.

YOU TOLD ME I SHOULD TRUST THEM, RIGHT?

( whispering and whimpering )

( tapping sounds )

( manticore roars )

( all muttering angrily )

( Jitterbug screams again )

SOMEBODY SHOULD GO IN THERE.

Guy: NO WAY!

I'M NOT GOIN' IN THERE.

( manticore roaring and shrieking )

LOOK. THOSE BIRDS.

BIRDS NEVER FLOCK AT NIGHT.

AND THOSE DOGS.

( gasps ) THAT'S IT!

THAT'S WHAT I SAW IN MY DREAM.

( terrified shrieking )

COME ON.

PLEASE HELP! PLEASE!

( growling )

PLEASE GO AWAY.

( screams )

HELP ME, PLEASE.

OH, MY GOD!

( screams )

WILL, DON'T!

LEAVE HIM ALONE!

PLEASE HELP ME!

I'M LOSING THEM.

MY POWERS AREN'T STRONG ENOUGH NOW; HE CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME.

( screaming)

I HAVE DREAMED ABOUT YOU.

I'VE DREAMED ABOUT YOU, TOO.

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU NOW.

YOU HAVE TO TRY AND STOP HIM.

HE CAME TO YOU TO BE HEALED.

IT'S YOUR GIFT.

YOU HAVE TO COMMAND HIM TO STOP.

I CAN'T.

YOU CAN!

YOU HAVE TO TRY!

HE'S JUST AN INJURED ANIMAL.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE,

BUT IF YOU DON'T STOP HIM, HE MIGHT.

COME ON.

DON'T HURT HIM.

I SAID DON'T HURT HIM!

I CAN'T DO IT. I'M SORRY.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

YOUR GIFT ISN'T STRONG ENOUGH YET.

PLEASE...LET ME HELP YOU.

Will: ITHACA! ITHACA!

WE HAVE TO GET HER OUT OF HERE.

FOLLOW ME.

Jitterbug: THIS WAY!

( manticore continues shrieking and growling )

COME ON. I HAVE TO GET YOU HOME.

THE SUN'S COMING UP.

Will: NANA!

YOU FOUND HER!

WHAT HAPPENED?

OVER HERE.

QUICKLY.

( horse whinnies )

WILL SHE BE OKAY?

I DON'T KNOW.

NOW GO BACK TO YOUR ROOMS UNTIL I HAVE A CHANCE

TO COME IN AND INTRODUCE MYSELF.

GO ON. YOU HEARD ME!

( whines )

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

JITTERBUG.

CALLIOPE. THAT'S MY NAME.

YOU DID IT. YOU STOPPED THEM.

THANK YOU...PRINCESS.

NO.

IT'S MY FAULT.

SHE SAVED ME WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAVING HER.

SHE'S BEEN SAVING ME EVER SINCE WE FIRST MET.

I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IT.

I'M SO SORRY...

ITHACA.

( inhales and exhales deeply )

ITHACA?

THE PRINCE KISSES THE GIRL AND HEALS HER.

ISN'T THAT STRAIGHT OUT OF SOME FAIRY TALE?

WHERE DO YOU THINK THOSE STORIES COME FROM?

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA FIT IN HERE QUITE NICELY.

AND WE'RE NOT GONNA LET ANY JERK WITH 50 GRAND

BUY A DATE WITH YOU.

SO WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SEARCHER

NOW THAT THE NEW PRINCESS IS SAFELY INSIDE THE CASTLE?

DOES HE JUST HAVE TO GO BACK TO HIS USELESS OLD LIFE?

NO.

THE SEARCHERS ALWAYS END BADLY.

YOU'RE TO WANDER THE DESERT FOR YEARS

UNTIL YOUR MIND IS GONE.

I'VE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

( chuckles )

THERE IS ONE OTHER OPTION.

I'LL HAVE TO START BELIEVING IN TRUE LOVE.

WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT.

BABIES CRY,

THE SKY IS BLUE,

AND AT SOME POINT IN HER LIFE,

EVERY GIRL HAS WANTED TO BE A PRINCESS.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?

FIGURED I'D HANG OUT HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

FINALLY START WRITING MY NOVEL.

WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

IT'S SET IN THE WORLD OF MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURES.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE START TO WONDER ABOUT US?

NO. EVERYONE KNOWS THEY DON'T EXIST.

Woman: PRINCESS! PRINCESS CALLIOPE!

CONGRATULATIONS.

I'LL TELL THEM ALL ABOUT YOU.

THANK YOU.

OH!

♪ GOTTA HAVE ROOTS BEFORE BRANCHES ♪

♪ AND KNOW WHO I AM ♪

♪ BEFORE I KNOW WHO I WANT TO BE ♪

♪ AND STAY TO TAKE CHANCES ♪

♪ TO LIVE LIKE I SEE ♪

♪ A PLACE IN THIS WORLD ♪

♪ FOR ME ♪

♪ OOH ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪