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Good evening.
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Tonight we offer you a generous portion
of mystery, a pinch of comedy, just
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a soup -solver commercial, all seasoned
by a few irrelevant comments from your
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host.
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As you may know, food is a hobby of
mine.
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I don't claim to be an expert cook, but
I am rather a good eater.
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If you will wander into my kitchen...
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I'll allow you to watch me as I concoct
some delicacy to tempt your palate.
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I cannot abide careless cookery.
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Let me see.
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I've just added 10 cc's of sugar.
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All that is left is to add the white of
one egg, and by the white I do not refer
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to the clear gelatinous substance
inside.
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Naturally, I mean the shell.
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This is where most amateur cooks make
their mistakes.
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While you are waiting for me to finish,
I suggest you turn your attention to
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tonight's story.
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It is called Conversation Over a Corpse.
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It sounds like perfect dinner
conversation.
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Who laughed with delight?
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You. Now.
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In the old churchyard.
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It's you, Joanna.
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Who else would it be?
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Oh, those are the cookies you're going
to serve.
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Yes, Joanna.
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Sprinkle them with cinnamon. Then he
won't taste the tea.
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Do you really think we ought to do this,
Joanna?
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After all, Mr. Brenner's a very nice
man.
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Mr. Brenner is not a nice man. There's
nothing nice about him.
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He wants to cheat us out of this house.
Sissy, do you want to move out of our
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home?
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Oh, no.
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No, I...
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I wouldn't know where to go. At our age,
we have roots.
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We don't want to pull them up and move.
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But we did sign the option.
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Or you did.
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We didn't have any money then, did we?
Now we have.
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Since the insurance policy money came,
we can live well for the rest of our
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lives. But you did sign the option, and
Mr. Brenner does want this house so
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much. Mr.
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Brenner won't want anything.
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When I finished with him.
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Oh, Sissy, when you serve the tea, make
sure that it brews long enough for the
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capsules to melt.
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It won't hurt poor Mr. Brenner.
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Will it?
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Mr. Brenner is cheating us. He's always
cheated everyone. He wants to tear this
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house down.
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I don't see why anyone would want to
tear this house down.
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It's not more than a hundred years old,
and it's in very good condition.
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No, Joanna, no.
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I don't think I want to do this.
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We'll just give Mr. Brenner his money
back, and that's all there'll be to it.
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I've told you time and time again that
you're to do as I say.
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You're hurting me, sister. You're
hurting my wrist. I want it understood
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you're to do as I say. Very well.
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Hester, but you're hurting me terribly.
If you had an ounce of common sense,
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you'd realize that we can't give Mr.
Brenner his money back. He has a signed
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option, and he wants his property.
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I just don't seem to understand
business, Joanna.
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No, you don't understand anything.
You're very stupid.
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I suppose I am. Without me, you'd have
been put out of here long ago and ended
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in the poorhouse. I don't want that.
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Then do as I say. Yes, Joanna, yes. I'll
do as you say.
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We'll give Mr.
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Brenner the tea.
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And he'll just go gently to sleep.
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Won't he?
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Yes, he'll sleep.
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Just so he feels nothing.
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There's no pain.
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I don't like pain, Joanna.
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You hurt me that time.
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It's the only way I can make you
understand.
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But I do like Mr. Brenner.
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At least, I think I do.
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That man understands and appreciates
nothing but money.
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Money, money, money.
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$44, $45, $46, $47, $48, $49, $5 ,000.
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Yeah, and that's more money than those
two old dames have seen in their lives.
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Seems a shame to tear down that old
house. I'll have them out of there in a
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week. And the day after, I'll tear the
place down.
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Just the same, it seems a shame.
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I've been after that property for ten
years.
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For a while, I thought I'd have to kill
them to get it.
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I might have to at that.
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Good afternoon, Mrs. Cushing.
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Very nice of you ladies to feed me. And
such good cookies, too.
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Do you like the tea, Mr. Brennan? Oh,
fine, fine.
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It's a special blend we use for guests.
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Well,
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now, ladies.
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Suppose we...
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Get right down to business.
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It's a shame to spoil such a nice talk
with business.
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Well, it's a world of business, Miss
Enright, you know. Keep the wheels
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your nose to the grindstone.
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Just when do you ladies expect to move
out of the house?
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Move out?
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Why, yes, you'll find it mighty
uncomfortable to be sitting here while
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down the place around you.
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Tear it down?
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Tear down this house? Sissy, she's very
easily upset.
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So I see.
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00:06:51,251 --> 00:06:54,679
Well, I thought you understood. I wanted
the land the house is built on, not the
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house itself. No, that must come down.
Frankly, Mr. Brenner, we've changed our
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minds. Well, you can't do that.
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This is an option. You signed it.
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I gave you money and you accepted it.
You must realize... But, Mr. Brenner,
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is... Option or no option, Mr. Brenner,
we are not going to sell this house. Oh,
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but you must.
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As a matter of fact, you did.
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You're getting so upset, Mr. Brenner.
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Have another cup of tea. No, no, thank
you.
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I'll take you both to court.
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I'll have everybody laughing at you.
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They'll put you away.
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I don't know what's the matter with me.
I'm so tired, I can't seem
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to... Sissy, clear away the tea things.
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Don't you think Mr. Brenner should have
another cup of tea?
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He doesn't need it.
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What did you do to me?
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You have just taken enough poison to
kill ten men, Mr. Brenner.
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Catch him, Sissy.
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I'm sure it isn't going to hurt a bit,
Mr. Brenner.
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There, that's done.
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He doesn't look very comfortable.
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Clear away the teething, Sissy, and be
sure to wash each cup thoroughly. I
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see why I have to hurry so.
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I want to look at Mr. Brenner some more.
Sissy, will you please do as I say?
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Shall I read Mr. Brenner's tea leaves?
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He has no future. He's dead.
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Now what?
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Nothing. What do you mean, nothing?
Answer me.
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Why, Joanna, your tea leaves say death.
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Oh, you've just mixed the cups, that's
all.
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Here, let me help you.
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Oh, you never finish anything.
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Now, let me see.
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Is that everything?
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Well, yes, I think so. Everything that
is except Mr. Brenner.
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Doesn't he look natural?
145
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Now, what are we going to do?
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With everything so rushed and you
distracting me with those tea leaves, I
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can't think of everything.
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We've got to do something about him.
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Well? We could put something over him.
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Sissy, please.
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We've got to dispose of him.
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Well, let me think.
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We could bury him in the cellar. That
happens to have a cement floor.
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We could bury him in the woodshed. Yes,
we could ask Barney to dig a hole when
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he comes to do the yard next week.
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We have to dig the hole now.
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Now go and get the shovel and start.
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I can't dig a big hole like that,
Joanna. You know that it would take me
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night. Very well, then. I'll do it.
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Do you think he's really dead?
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Isn't he supposed to be stiff?
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Give the man time, Joanna.
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He's awfully heavy.
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Maybe we could take him out in sections.
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Sections?
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00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:11,850
Oh.
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00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,000
But wouldn't that be terribly untidy?
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I mean, Mama's rug.
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Oh, yes, I suppose so.
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00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:21,520
Oh, what a nuisance it all is.
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00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:24,590
Maybe we could drop him down the old
well.
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It doesn't have a cover on it.
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00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,299
But we could put lots of things on top
of him, and then we don't need to divide
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him up. We could just drop him in.
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00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,180
Yes, let's do it right quickly.
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You take one foot, and I'll take the
other.
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Oh, what a nuisance this is.
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Now we have to kill him again, somehow.
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Why doesn't anything ever go right? Now
what am I going to do?
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00:11:08,771 --> 00:11:12,289
Well, why don't you suggest something?
You're in this as much as I am. All
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right, Joanna.
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I've got an idea.
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00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:24,730
Oh, I can only get a move to something.
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Here's Papa's elephant gun.
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He always kept it loaded.
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It's much too noisy.
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I'll get something.
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Why?
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Now he can wiggle his eyebrows.
190
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:53,220
This is better, I think.
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Joanna, Mama's rug.
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00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:02,440
It would ruin Mama's rug.
193
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,880
Yes, I didn't think of that.
194
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:08,720
A blunt instrument.
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00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:12,700
That's what they always use. We must get
a blunt instrument.
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00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:14,110
Blunt instrument.
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00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,170
I've had it, Joanna.
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00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:20,420
I have something.
199
00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:27,260
Hurry, Joanna. He just moved his head.
I'm coming.
200
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:30,520
Here. What do you think of this?
201
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,150
Oh, no, no, no, no. That's not blunt
enough. Here.
202
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,570
This is better.
203
00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:36,060
I suppose so.
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00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,490
Well, of course it is.
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00:12:37,660 --> 00:12:39,840
Here. Well, go ahead and hit him.
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00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,170
Well, hit him.
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00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,600
I can't. He keeps rolling his eyes at
me.
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00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,300
Oh, very well then. I'll do it.
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00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,360
Now you see what you've done.
210
00:12:57,780 --> 00:12:58,860
I can't do it either.
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00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,160
We've got to think of something else.
212
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,520
There must be some neat way of doing it.
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00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,520
If just a little will kill a fly, a
whole can should do Mr.
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00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,360
Brenner. It'll be neat and very
sanitary, too.
215
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:26,839
Now see what you've done. You stirred
him up. He's coming, too. We've got to
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00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:27,890
something quickly.
217
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:33,060
We could poison him again, but we've
used up all the capsules.
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I know.
219
00:13:34,601 --> 00:13:38,329
Weed killer. We didn't use it all on the
roses. There's some still in the shed.
220
00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:39,380
I'll get it quickly.
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00:13:39,590 --> 00:13:45,489
Meantime, you come right here, Sissy,
and watch him. If he moves, hit him on
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head with this.
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00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:55,470
Sissy, get police.
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00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,230
Oh, I couldn't do that.
225
00:13:57,231 --> 00:13:58,869
Wouldn't be right.
226
00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:01,910
Look, your sister's out of her mind.
227
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:07,799
Don't you say that. Don't you dare say
that. She was talking about taking me
228
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in sections.
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00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:12,480
Oh. Oh, you mean her.
230
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She isn't my sister. What do you mean?
231
00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:18,100
Her name is Abigail.
232
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:23,220
She came here to take care of my sister
Joanna almost 30 years ago.
233
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:26,960
Papa was dead then and Mama didn't live
long afterwards.
234
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:33,160
Then they took my real sister Joanna
away and... I was very unhappy about it.
235
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,840
Yes, but call the police.
236
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:40,379
Mr. Brenner, you are not being very
polite. I haven't finished telling you
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00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,080
Joanna. Never mind. Please.
238
00:14:42,740 --> 00:14:47,739
Then Abigail said it would be better if
we moved and she'd say she was my sister
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00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:50,060
and then people wouldn't make cruel
remarks.
240
00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:54,179
I don't like cruel people, Mr. Brenner.
They upset me very much. Oh, if you'd
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00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,540
only call the police.
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00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,570
You know...
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00:14:58,090 --> 00:15:02,190
I think Abigail has been pretending to
be Joanna for so long she believes it.
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00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:07,450
Sometimes I find it hard to remember she
isn't my real sister, too.
245
00:15:08,310 --> 00:15:09,870
But she's cruel.
246
00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:11,720
She's like you.
247
00:15:12,090 --> 00:15:14,170
She's cruel and not nice at all.
248
00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:18,250
I don't see how I can keep her from
killing you, Mr. Brenner.
249
00:15:18,650 --> 00:15:21,990
Oh, if I could only move, get up, do
something.
250
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:23,690
Yes, it's a pity.
251
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:27,150
Because in a little while, when it's too
late...
252
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,680
You will be able to move.
253
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:33,920
You see, I only put half the amount of
powder in your tea that she intended.
254
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:35,620
That's why you're not dead yet.
255
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,050
Half the amount?
256
00:15:37,051 --> 00:15:38,219
Oh, yes.
257
00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,990
If I hadn't, you'd never have regained
consciousness.
258
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,840
Sissy, you... You saved my life.
259
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,940
I don't like to see people suffer.
260
00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:50,520
If you helped me once, why can't you do
it again?
261
00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:56,299
I'm afraid you'd take my house away from
me, Mr. Brenner. Oh, no, no. I swear I
262
00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:57,350
won't. I swear it.
263
00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,660
How do I know I can believe you?
264
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,240
Sissy! Sissy!
265
00:16:01,820 --> 00:16:06,879
There's plenty of it. And it says on the
label, 70 % arsenic. How do you think
266
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,119
we ought to give it to him?
267
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,940
Oh, with orange juice, I should think.
268
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:14,250
That's the way I always take those nasty
medicines.
269
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,820
Sissy, you've got to help me.
270
00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:21,710
You're doing very well.
271
00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:23,270
Come closer. Come closer.
272
00:16:24,590 --> 00:16:27,270
Don't you see what Joanna's trying to
do?
273
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:29,740
Oh, yes. She's going to poison you
again.
274
00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:30,789
No.
275
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,390
She's going to say it was you who killed
me, that it was all your doing.
276
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:39,169
Oh, she wouldn't do that. Of course she
will. You know that. She's going to have
277
00:16:39,170 --> 00:16:42,240
you declared incompetent, and then
she'll have you put away.
278
00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:44,130
No, she mustn't.
279
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:48,410
Then you'll lose your house, money,
everything.
280
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:54,670
Hand me that gun, please.
281
00:17:11,010 --> 00:17:12,630
There, that will do it, I think.
282
00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:19,510
Joanna, is it true you're going to say I
was the one who killed Mr. Brenner?
283
00:17:20,089 --> 00:17:21,139
What?
284
00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,960
And are you going to tell people I did
it because I'm insane?
285
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:27,949
Whatever put such a silly idea into your
head?
286
00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:32,719
Well, I've thought for a long time that
you wanted me to be put away in a
287
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:36,080
sanitarium like they did my real sister.
288
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,120
Someone gave you that idea. Who was it?
289
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,880
Mr. Brenner. We had a very nice chat.
290
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,600
Sissy, you're not making this up. Oh,
no.
291
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,740
He's feeling much better.
292
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:51,380
And I think he's going to take our house
away from us.
293
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,810
Don't you think you'd better do
something about it?
294
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:56,210
Oh!
295
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,170
Mr. Brenner? She tried to kill me with
that axe.
296
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,000
My, my, she always was an impatient one.
297
00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:23,319
Better call the police.
298
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,180
Yes. I think the police should know
about this.
299
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,780
But first let me ask you something, Mr.
Brenner.
300
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,820
You won't take my house away from me
now, will you?
301
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,580
Oh, well, of course, I'll give you a
fair price for it. Enough to buy a
302
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:40,859
little place out in the suburbs
somewhere. You don't want a house as big
303
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:41,910
all by yourself.
304
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:46,880
I brought you a drink, Mr. Brenner.
305
00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:48,940
I thought it would give you strength.
306
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,600
What is it?
307
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,090
Whiskey. It's very good. It's been on
the shelf for years. Whiskey?
308
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,820
Why, Sissy, you're a marvel.
309
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,120
That'll fix me up. Yes, it will, won't
it?
310
00:20:02,121 --> 00:20:07,279
Now, don't you want to call the police?
Yes, I'll call the police.
311
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:08,979
I'll never forget you for this, Sissy.
312
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:10,580
Just never forget you for it.
313
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,250
Get me the police.
314
00:20:27,340 --> 00:20:28,390
Yeah, quick.
315
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:31,430
Who is this?
316
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,610
Oh, Lieutenant.
317
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:37,859
Lieutenant, this is Brenner, Herbert
Brenner, the real estate man. I'm at the
318
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:38,719
Enright home.
319
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,280
Tell him Joanna isn't my sister.
320
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,499
Yes, ma 'am.
321
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:45,379
What? Tell him Joanna isn't my sister,
but a cruel woman who made me say she
322
00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:46,430
was. Okay.
323
00:20:46,431 --> 00:20:50,199
And tell him that I helped you, and it
was Joanna who gave you the poison and
324
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:51,700
tried to murder you. Okay, okay.
325
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,330
Lieutenant.
326
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:55,580
Joanna Enright was a phony.
327
00:20:56,060 --> 00:21:01,199
She wasn't Sissy's sister. She was some
sort of a nurse that muscled her way
328
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,250
into the house.
329
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,050
What's that?
330
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:06,430
Because she's dead.
331
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:07,650
I killed her.
332
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,060
Just as she was about to murder me with
an axe.
333
00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:13,660
Of course I'm sober.
334
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:16,220
A little groggy, that's all.
335
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:20,280
Some sort of poison Joanna would put in
a cup of tea.
336
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:22,500
Tell them I was the one who helped you.
337
00:21:23,380 --> 00:21:24,540
Sissy, save me.
338
00:21:24,740 --> 00:21:26,850
If it hadn't been for me, you'd be dead
now.
339
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:28,070
Dead now.
340
00:21:28,740 --> 00:21:32,800
I can't hold head up much longer.
341
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,520
That stuff that Joanna gave me.
342
00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:03,630
Thank you, Mr. Brenner, for telling the
police exactly what happened.
343
00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:07,620
I hope they hurry.
344
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:09,420
Everything's so upset.
345
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:20,860
She was no sissy.
346
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,660
As a matter of fact, that was her
downfall.
347
00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:29,280
She wanted to steady her nerves before
the police came, so she took a few
348
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:30,930
Very sad.
349
00:22:31,180 --> 00:22:34,080
Except for the newspapers who detected a
love triangle.
350
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,440
The picture papers had more fun than the
hanging.
351
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,210
Well, so much for tonight's cooking
demonstration.
352
00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:45,699
I hope I've made everything clear. Next
time I shall show you how to prepare an
353
00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:46,940
exotic delicacy.
354
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,700
White Hunter a la Mao Mao.
355
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,100
You'll be the talk of your neighborhood.
356
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,860
I shall also reveal one of my own
culinary secrets.
357
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:02,119
how to remove the wrapper from a frozen
food package without tearing the
358
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:04,060
directions. Good night.
359
00:23:04,110 --> 00:23:08,660
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