Original subtitles

Campy, what are you doing? You're supposed to be writing down Korean War

to tell my history class. Well, don't worry. I got them all right up here.

Well, that's comforting. Write them down.

Great idea, CJ.

Having Grandpa speak to your class so you can impress the school board. School

board? Yeah, didn't you get the memo?

The school board is sending representatives to evaluate the faculty

My job's in the line?

Writey downy.

that. Why not? Who is it?

It's dorky Dwayne McDougal.

Yeah, the guy who tortured me in chemistry last semester.

I think you mean Tudor. Same thing.

Hi,

Bridget. It's Dwayne, Dwayne McDougal. Well, not Dwayne, Dwayne McDougal. I

mean, Dwayne isn't my middle name, too.

It's just Dwayne.

Good Lord, son. Keep it together.

I hope he's not calling about that stupid promise I made. Remember that

you made?

You said if I helped you pass chemistry, you'd go to the Spring Fling dance with

me. So I guess we're going.

We'll work out the details at school tomorrow.

Ciao for now.

Ciao for now? I am not going with him.

Uh, wait a minute, Bridget. Did you promise that boy you'd go to the dance

him? Like six months ago, whatever.

Well, I don't care when it was. He helped you pass chemistry, so you have

You heard me. Mom, they don't call Dorky Dwayne McDougal for nothing.

Oh, she doesn't get it.

See, his name's Dwayne McDougal, but he's Dorky, so they add that on her

Not that tricky.

You're going.

Oh, my God, it's him again.

I forgot to tell you, I upgraded my memory card on my digital camera. Now he

take 325 pictures of us or 650 at low res.

Ciao for now.

I'm so ruined.

There's a chance some of them might not end up on the Internet.

No, no, no.

Hey,

everyone. I got a great one for family movie night.

Oh, boy.

Oh, I love family movie night. What did you get? Action, adventure, horror?

Freaky Friday.

The mother and daughter switch places.

Whore.

You said whore.

Because if you guys switch, I'd watch it.

Oh, now, come on, Care Bear. It'll be fun. It's lots of crazy girl stuff.

Oh, yeah, good times. You know, I think I'd better go down and write my story

for C .J.'s class.

I thought you said you had them all right up here.

I did? Really? When did I do that? Who's president, anyway?

Well, where are you going?

Uh... I am going to go help him pick out an outfit for tomorrow's class.

You know, something that says Korean War, but still kind of hip.

Hey, Mom.

Hey, Rory, get settled.

It is time for family mo... What in the world is that?

Oh, it's Will's hamster.

His mom said she was sick of having a filthy rodent stink up her house.

I'm going to go show him his new room.

Corey, you can't bring someone else's unwanted vermin into this house without

asking me. You didn't ask us when TJ moved in.

I heard that.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Marissa.

Okay, I'll call you back. Bye.

Mom, I just got off the phone with Marissa. I gathered that.

Justin Murphy just broke up with Amber Mitchell.

So? So, Justin broke up with Amber so he could take me to the dance.

You know how long I've been waiting for this? Three weeks.

You should have thought about that before you promised the other boy. How

I have done that?

It hadn't happened yet.

Look, it's just one dance. Just one dance? A spring fling is like the most

important dance in the entire school.

What about prom?

Okay, prom, then spring fling. What about homecoming? Okay, prom,

then spring fling. Are you done quizzing me now?

Look, Bridget, you promised. I can't let you disappoint this boy.

I know. Carrie can go with McDougal. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, even

a step up from the girls he usually dates.

He doesn't date.

Well, you're a step in the right direction.

Come on, like anyone else is going to ask you. Mom!

Bridget, I am not budging on this one. Mom, you can't run my entire life.

Yes, I can, and I just did.

I can't wait to see you with Dwayne McDougal. You know, I hear that he slow

dances with his pillow.

Ciao for now.

I can't think you're doing this to me. You have no idea what it's like to be a

teenager. And you have no idea what it's like to be a mother.

Trying to teach your children about commitment and compassion.

Trying to teach them right from wrong.

This is the worst day of my whole life.

Well, what about Freaky Friday?

I don't need anyone to have family movie night.

I'll just have family movie night.

I'm sleeping on the couch.

And why am I, like, wearing Mom's clothes?

And why do they fit?

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

I'm my mother!

Mom!

I mean, I mean, me!

Mom, did you get up? You want me to leave for school?

Why am I in Bridget's bed?

Uh, cause you're Bridget.

No, it's me. It's Mom.

Oh, my God.

I'm in Bridget's body.

What is going on? This cannot be happening.

Bridget, cut it out.

No, Carrie, it's me. It's Mom.

Oh, please. Are you drunk? No, I'm not.

Are you saying Bridget drinks? Because if she does, then you knew. You are so

grounded, Missy.

What the hell am I doing in C .J.'s car?

Oh, good Lord, my back is going to kill me.

My back feels great.

It's a miracle.

Hey, Gappy, keep it down.

What is wrong with my back?

We switch bodies.

You've got my body. You're my body. What's the dealio?

With the hairy arms, I've got your knobby knees, and I've got your...

Don't hear you complaining now, sonny boy.

Oh, this is not good. This is not good.

Okay, Bridget, you're starting to scare me. You're not mom.

Yes, I am, Care Bear. Oh, really? Then prove it. The square root of nine is

three.

just watching Freaky Friday and then I fell asleep and then I woke up in your

body. And I woke up in your body. Well, whatever's happening here, it has to be

temporary, right? Yeah, better.

Justin Murphy will never ask me out in this.

You better be talking about the clothes.

Hey, if this is some kind of elaborate joke that I'm not in on... Shut it, you

little pinhead. Do not talk to your sister that way.

I think I'm just going to go back to bed.

Well, how long am I going to be like this? How did the movie end? I don't

remember. I told you I fell asleep. You know I can't stay awake when we start

movies after nine.

What are we going to do, Mom? What are we going to do?

Bridget, you need to just calm down. Okay, look, today is my evaluation at

school. First thing we're going to do is get ready to go. Are you high? I'm not

going to school like this.

You are going to school, young lady. I might be in your body, but I'm still in

charge here, Missy.

Fine. Then I'll just be the world's suckiest nurse and get you fired today.

Fine. Then I'll just make out with dorky Dwayne McDougal in front of the entire

school. You heard me.

This switch could be really fun after all.

All right, truth.

That's what I thought. Now let's get going. I will prep you on the way. Okay,

Mom, don't you need to wake up Rory? I'm Bridget. I'm Mom.

Look, I didn't have enough to talk about in therapy.

with this bag of bones you'd call a body.

It's all yours now, CJ. You can keep it. Woo!

I feel fantastic. I feel like a gymnast.

Knock it off. We gots to get to school.

Oh, I'm not staying inside today.

I'm going out for once. I'm playing golf, tennis. Might even throw the old

medicine ball around. Whoa, dog. I'm a teacher. The school board is expecting

that body, me body, to be in class today.

Tough darts, son.

This party's going to be tap dancing down Main Street. Hey, old man, if you

don't show up, I'm going to lose my job. Please, Gampy, help a player out.

All right, I'll go to school with you. Oh, dude, you rock.

You the man.

Race up the stairs to breakfast.

It's a total buzzkill.

Okay,

Bridget, just remember, when the lady from the school board gets here, you've

got to convince her you're a qualified nurse.

Okay, Mom, God.

Could you get rid of the gum, please?

Fine. But, you know, if you're going to be me, you really should unbutton a few

buttons and show some thong.

God, I wish I could stand for this. You know, I am not doing any of that. You're

not walking around this school like some sort of hussy. Yeah, Mom, you don't

want to ruin Bridget's bad reputation.

Well, at least I'm still a virgin.

Mrs. Whitley!

I beg your pardon.

I didn't expect you so soon. I mean, neither did Nurse Hennessy.

Is that how you normally speak to the students?

Don't we, God? It's just a joke.

Everyone at the school board enjoys a good virgin joke.

But talking to a student that way is inappropriate.

Actually, you know, the kids, I mean, we kids, enjoy when she speaks our

language. It's the bomb.

The bomb.

Nobody says that anymore.

Now, don't mind me.

Just go about your day. I'm not here.

Well, you're in for quite a treat. Even though you're not here.

Because Mrs. Hennessey is an excellent nurse. Very professional. Very by the

book.

And, uh, I was, um, I was just, uh, like, giving her a checkup.

Oh, right.

Um, okay.

Let's see here.

Oh, my God.

What's wrong?

Gross. What is that thing hanging back there?

She always quizzes me ever since I told her I wanted to be a nurse.

That thing is the Eupula.

Way up here?

Yes, where it's supposed to be. I think I've seen enough.

Don't you want to see me do the armband thing and the rubber... What I would

really like is to speak to you alone.

Oh, alone?

But I think I should... Run along to class.

Isn't she hot?

Wouldn't she make a great model?

So tell me about your training.

Oh, well, sure.

Horseback riding, tennis, or tap?

Nursing.

Oh.

Hey, Rory.

Um, I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the Spring Fling dance with me.

Never mind.

Hey,

Bridget. Mrs. Hennessey.

Bridget, yes, I am.

And you are?

It's me, Dwayne.

McDougal. Oh, Dwayne, dear dorky Dwayne. Hi. So nice to see you.

I just wanted to know if you got my messages.

Yes. Yes, I did. And I have every intention of honoring my commitment to

the Spring Fling with you.

Really?

Seriously?

Yes. That is all I've committed to, isn't it?

Yeah.

Then it's a date.

Man.

They're going to go critical mass.

Uh, wait, wait.

Um, I want to give you a little tip about my sister.

She loves being kissed in public.

Thanks.

So, Nurse Hennessy, how did it go? Do you still have a job?

Totally kick butt.

She totally did.

I've never met a nurse who's so connected to her students.

It's like she's one of them. Der.

Delightful.

I'm giving Nurse Hennessy a top rating.

You so owe me.

Oh, and thanks for the makeup tips.

I realize we're actually pulling this off. So relax.

Open up a few buttons. Oh, stop. I'm not opening buttons.

Nurse Hennessy, please report to the gym immediately.

It's about your son, Rory.

What did that little twerp do now?

He won't get off the treadmill.

Hey, Jay, are these students or hobos? For God's sake, son, tuck your shirt in.

They're children, Poe. Why, his pants are hanging off his hips. Hey, I'm Mr.

Barnes, the cool teacher, not Crabby McShirt Tucker.

Let's just get the class started.

Fine. Okay, class, as promised, I have my grandfather here to

tell you about the Korean War.

So without further ado, war hero, Sergeant Jim Egan. Right, right. War.

The Korean War.

Yeah, well, technically it was not even a war. It was a police action.

You know, I remember once I was part of a police action.

Luckily, before the police could take action, I threw the bag out the window.

Oh, well, who's this vision of loveliness?

Agnes Whitley.

School board, District 12.

I'm not here.

Well, someone's pulling on my heartstrings.

Dude, what's going on? What are you doing? She's beautiful.

I know she's a little young for me, but hubba hubba.

Hey, Grandpa, keep it in my pants.

Listen, you just keep talking. I'm going to get me a date with an angel.

The point is, war is a very serious matter.

This may not be the time or the place, but I find you intoxicating.

Excuse me?

Mr. Barnes, you do understand that I am here to evaluate you.

Well, perhaps you'd like to evaluate me over dinner?

Do you want to see me, Miss Penelope?

Oh.

Hi, Justin.

Come on in.

Uh, so, have you asked anyone to the Spring Fling yet?

No. Well, then, your choice is obvious.

You have to ask the hottest girl in school.

Tiffany Jacobson? What? That slut?

Uh, I mean, no.

Bridget Hennessy.

But I thought Bridget was going with McDorkle. I mean, I have no idea why,

but... Well, the high school is full of rumors, and it's a big, fat lie, and so

not happening.

Really? Yeah.

In fact, Bridget is totally into you.

She is?

Yeah. She likes your hair and your eyes and muscular arms.

She thinks you're a total hottie.

First of all, Mr. Barnes, I don't jitterbug, and if I did, it wouldn't be

you.

But I'm a great dancer. I won a trophy in 1949.

Lame.

And the way you look in your basketball uniform and you're sweaty and...

Oh, what the hell? Let's make out.

Mrs. Hennessy, I will not make out with you.

Mrs. Hennessy, what were you doing with that young man?

Well, nothing thanks to you.

What?

I mean, look, I know what this looks like, but it's really not what it looks

like. I want the truth, and I want it now.

All right.

You see, I'm in my mom's body, and my mom is in my body, and we switched. I

it sounds really weird.

butted?

I'm going to need a urine sample.

Harry,

where's your brother? I don't know. After you got him off the treadmill, he

scampered away. When did he get so fast?

Bridget, your mom is crazy.

Oh, what did she do?

I can't even talk about it.

Look, are we going to dance together or not?

And by the way, if we are, you're picking me up. There is no way I'm going

your house.

Oh, good. You're talking.

So did you ask her yet? Stay away from me.

What did you do?

Hey, baby.

I'll pick you up at 8 on Friday.

What did you do?

Oh, good!

That's the first of many. What are you doing?

I thought you were going with me.

I thought you were going with me. Which one is it? Yeah, which one?

What is that?

Rory Hennessy. He got up in the air, Dust. We can't get him down.

Have you seen Mrs. Whitley?

You're practically joking. CJ, you hit on Mrs. Whitley? I'm your grandfather,

and how could I resist? She looks like Ava Gardner. You guys switched? You

everyone switched but me? Who's Ava Gardner?

I call the school board.

You're all fired. You can't fire me. I support this family. Dude, that's hard.

Mrs. Whitley, that's so not fair.

You want to talk about fair? I didn't get to switch with anyone.

Oh, Katie, tell her what a good dancer I am. Hey, I believe in my job. I can't

pay my rent. You're keeping your promise, right? I thought you were going

me, right? Mom, I can't go to the dance with Dorky McDougal. Because I'm the

middle child. right? Back up everybody. Grandpa's going to do backflips.

Mom, how come I didn't get to switch with anyone?

Mom! Mom! Mom!

Mom. Mom. Leave me alone.

Leave me alone. This is too much.

Mom, are you okay?

Oh.

Yeah.

I am.

I'm me. I'm okay.

I just had the most bizarre dream.

You and I switched bodies. And then Grandpa switched with CJ.

Oh, I'm just so glad. It was just a dream.

Rory?

I'm looking for the hamster. He got out.

Who did I switch with?

No one.

Figures.

Gotcha.

You must be hungry.

I'll get you some food.

Listen, Bridget, I forgot how weird and complicated high school can be. And you

were right.

I can't tell you how to live your life.

Look, Mom, I've been thinking about this whole Dwayne thing. No, no, about that.

If you don't want to go out with Dwayne, I don't like it, but you were right.

It's your decision.

What? You're not making her go? God, this is so warped. I mean, the rules are

always bent for Bridget. God, I hate my life. Don't anybody talk to me.

Oh, it's so good to be back.

Yeah, and the funny thing is she's mad over nothing because I've decided to go

to the dance with Dwayne. What?

Yeah, you were right. I thought about it, and a promise is a promise, and I

don't want to be mean. And let's face it, one date with this geek, it'll

probably make his entire life.

Honey, that is so the right thing to do.

You know, that dream really threw me.

The really weird part was that Rory switched places with his hamster.

What? Yeah, and Rory did everything the hamster does, and the hamster did

everything Rory does.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

What is he doing?

I think he's hamster baiting.