Original subtitles

Come on, Slowpoke, hurry up. We don't want to be late for the first day of

school. Who are you? You don't even like school.

I know, I do, now that I am Bridget Hennessey's student body president.

Hey, which one says I'm a leader of power and integrity, the blue thong or

gray?

I don't care what thong you wear.

You know, that kind of apathy is so typical of your generation.

Okay, I have a problem and I need your advice.

Your president is here for you.

Okay, here's the thing.

I changed in Europe this summer. I mean, I grew up, and it made me realize that

I have to break up with Kyle, and I have to do it today. Why are you nodding

like that?

Oh, it's my listening face. I learned it over the summer in Washington.

I have to break up with Kyle today.

What? Why don't you tell me? What happened?

Well, I met this awesome guy in Paris, and I don't know what's going to happen

with him, but I do know that I shouldn't be with Kyle anymore. Stop it! Okay!

how to do this. I've never broken up with anyone before.

Okay, look, just do what I do. It's worked for me like a billion times. Just

tell Kyle someone better will come along. And hey, in your case, it'll even

true.

Well, you're all dolled up. Where are you headed, Thurston?

I'm going downtown to have breakfast with an old friend.

We're meeting at his private club.

Ah, is that what they call the mission these days?

There's our new high school freshman, Big Steph. You scared?

No. Well, you should be.

A lot of upperclassmen are going to want to beat the hell out of you.

What are you telling him?

Well, he's got to know.

You'll be fine.

He's a dead man.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Boy, these night shifts are killing me. Oh, are you kidding? You look fantastic.

A cadaver in scrubs.

gonna wear that?

I thought it was cute.

Well, yeah, too cute. You can't break up with Kyle in those pants.

Why not?

Because you look too good. It won't take.

You know the ones with the gold rings down the side?

I'm a politician. I say a lot of things about me.

Katie, that principal Gibb called.

He wants to see you.

They're not even in school yet.

Who could be in trouble?

Maybe he just wants another date.

We never dated.

I am not romantically involved with Ed Gibb. Or any of the Gibb brothers.

I think my black pants are missing.

Uh, honey, maybe that's for the best.

I think they're in the laundry. I'll get to them later. You're doing the laundry

now? Ew.

I'm helping out your mother while she's working nights.

Unless, of course, you want to take over.

Ew. Well, I got to get downtown. Oh, yeah, we got to go, too. Everybody in

car.

Mom,

I need you to beat me up today. Oh, no, honey, you'll be fine.

Another one of those things moms say.

Hey, if you want, I'll drive them. No, no, that's okay. I actually want to

up with them. I miss them so much. I must be so excited to see Kyle.

And by the way, Mr.

Laundryman, I can't find my red thong.

Red thong? I thought that was a handkerchief.

Oh, dear God.

Mom? Okay, where's Paige? Way down at the end of the hall. Paige is cool

not to walk with me.

Bye, girl.

All right, give it to me. What are you doing?

Your mission is to break up with Kyle today. You don't need any of these

distractions. Do you know what you're going to say?

I don't know. I've never done this before.

Okay, just use the line I use when I break up with a guy. I'm only 17. You'll

to jail?

No.

You say very sweetly, it's not me, it's you.

No, no, don't you mean it's not you, it's me?

Please, it's never me.

Can't keep my locker open.

It's not going to pick itself

up.

There you go, big guy.

Anytime. It's all good.

I love the hat.

Isn't that nice, Rory?

Come in.

I'm not in trouble, am I?

Not unless you're chewing gum.

You look terrific.

Well, thank.

So do you.

Have you been working out?

In a manner of speaking, I raised watermelons and, well, somebody has to

them inside.

Please, sit down.

So, how was your summer?

It was good. It was really good.

Kids were gone.

Actually, it was the first time I was alone.

I redecorated my room. I got a new bed.

I don't know why I mentioned that.

Probably because you got a new bed.

Maybe we should just get off my bed.

Look, Kate, this is a little awkward for both of us, but I want you to know it

doesn't have to be. I'm really okay with the fact you weren't ready to go out

with me.

We're both adults, and we can handle it.

Thanks, Ed.

That was exactly what I needed to hear.

And so well put. Thank you. My therapist wrote it.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.

Our school nurse is retiring, and I'd like for you to think about taking her

job.

Wow.

Seriously? I ask you this because, first, you're a nurse.

And secondly, you're exactly her size, so we... you won't have to buy new

smocks.

Okay, we'll buy new smocks. Boy, you drive a hard bargain.

Think about it, Katie. It could be wonderful. The hours are great, and

to spend more time with your kids.

Ooh, that's tempting.

I feel like I'm missing everything that's going on with them.

I could sweeten the deal with about 800 pounds of watermelon.

I'm going to think about it.

Thanks, Dad.

They're seedless.

Okay, what's next?

Well, Britt.

Madam President, some of the students are complaining that they have to park

far from school.

It's because all the teachers get the good spots, but we're more important.

We're the future. They're teachers. They have no future.

So what do we do?

Uh, valet parking for seniors, and the driver's ed class can park the cars.

Any problem that you can't solve? Algebra, page 20, problem 6, do it for

Please don't see me. Please don't see me.

Hey, looks like we're showering with the girls today.

Carrie, how did Kyle take the break up?

I didn't do it. I've been avoiding him all day. Carrie, I just don't want to

hurt him. Well, he's going to be hurt no matter what.

Oh, my God, there he is. Hey, you're not going anywhere.

Hey, nice top.

You said you hated it. You cannot believe a word I say.

Except for this. The longer you wait, the harder this is going to be. I know,

know. You have to do this.

You've got me. Okay, I can do this.

Ready?

I... Hey!

Didn't I just see Carrie?

She was here a second ago.

So, Principal Giblet wants you to be his naughty school nurse.

Are you going to do it, Kate?

Oh, I don't know.

You know, I would see the kids more.

Ooh, mom at school, every teenager's dream.

You know what, Grandpa? Maybe you could be a crossing guard.

I'll teach rugby. We'll be a ragtag team of misfit school people.

Oh, hi, honey.

How was your first day at school?

Whoa, what is that smell?

Are you composting in there?

Very funny. I thought Carrie was the one that went to France.

I didn't have time to shower after gym.

So you rolled around in horse crap?

Uh, look, I gotta go to work.

Lucky you.

So you go upstairs and take a shower. You, Bernie's clothes.

You disgust me.

But I love you.

All right, pig pen.

Spill it.

What? They always give you time to shower. What's going on?

Well, that's gold today. Wait a second. Here, hold this.

Step back a little bit. Come on, it's not that bad.

When it was time to take a shower. Maybe one more. Sorry.

They're all these seniors.

Just stay right there. No, I'm just going to have to wait until tomorrow.

no, no, no. Hey, come back here. Just talk fast, Rory. I couldn't take a

I just couldn't do it.

All these seniors came in.

Hairy seniors.

With hair.

Everywhere.

Right, and you're... Not hairy.

Anywhere.

It's a family curse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What curse?

The men in our family take a little more time to grow grass in the infield.

Ironically, the women grow beards early.

I just can't stop thinking about what I'm going to look like next to those

in the shower.

Don't worry. Just do what I did.

I'm doing...

Yeah, well, let me tell you how I handled it. I walked in there like I

place, head held high, proud of the body God gave me.

And that worked?

Absolutely.

Now go hoes off.

You remember the beatings? It never goes away.

Black pants aren't in the laundry. All right, I lied. Truth is, I was on a date

last night, and I spilled a bowl of clams on her, right? She was wearing

pants, so I gave her yours.

That's not about the pants.

Oh, good, because I don't think I'll be seeing her again.

I wanted to know if Mom was home. I need to talk to her. Well, wait.

Talk to me.

I'm more than just a washerwoman.

Okay, what kind of things might a girl say to a guy if she wants to end a

romance? Ah, mm, I'd rather a French kiss the car battery.

I'm going back to men.

That'll cost you an extra hundred.

So girls have actually said those things to you?

No.

No. No, I'm just spitballing.

Well, how can I do it without hurting him?

You can't. You have to stay with this guy forever.

What? I don't care if his touch repulses you. I don't care if you're seeing

other men. You stay with him forever.

Forever. Well, what if I don't want to... I'm talking forever.

You gave my hand away?

He's useless, but he does iron a good T -shirt.

Hey, Grandpa.

Kiddo, I don't know if this will help with the Kyle business, but I found

something you might be able to use.

What is it?

It's a Dear John letter I got in Korea.

Well, do you really think your old Dear John letter is going to help me break up

with Kyle?

Well, I wouldn't use any of the Eisenhower references, but you said you

to spare his feelings.

And I spared mine.

Dear Jim, I'm writing you from my grandmother's front porch. All I see are

of sunflowers. They remind me of you, tall and strong and handsome, making

people smile.

You're a good man, Jim, but I've met someone else.

Like the sunflower, I think we've had our season.

I'm sorry if I disappointed you, but thank you for making me more than I ever

thought I could be.

Always, Betsy.

I'm so romantic.

You really loved her, didn't you?

And this softened the blow.

Thanks.

Tramp.

Do you know if Carrie got the card I left for her this morning?

She hasn't talked to you?

About what?

Kyle, look.

You shouldn't hang all your happiness on one person, you know. I hear that.

Um, Kyle, Kyle.

There is no easy way to say this, but I am president now, and the buck stops

here, as does your relationship with Carrie.

What? Kyle.

Carrie can't do this on her own, so I'm doing it for her.

You guys are over.

Hey, but on the bright side, we are going to have valet parking very soon.

Well, little sister, I've got good news. Me too.

I figured out why I've been having so much trouble breaking up with Kyle. It's

because I don't want to.

So I'm not going to. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know this sounds

crazy, but I've read the letter again.

he is.

What's your good news?

Principal Gibb is giving out free watermelons!

They're seedless!

So, your good news is Principal Gibb is giving away free watermelon?

You don't even like watermelon.

The seeds.

I hate the seeds. These are seedless.

but be under the impression that you already broke up with him.

How did he get that impression?

I kind of, um, kind of mentioned it to him.

And how did you do that?

I broke up with him. What? For you?

You're welcome.

You broke up with my boyfriend?

Richard, this is the stupidest thing you've ever done.

No, no, it's not. Remember, for like seven years, I thought potatoes could

I've seen her all day, and I really need to talk to her.

She hasn't talked to you yet?

No. She's been avoiding me.

I gotta help you out, you poor sap.

Have a seat.

I have to do this. I already know.

Okay, in her defense, she never meant to fall in love with this guy.

There's a guy?

I'll go get her.

Hey, Carrie, uh, listen.

Kyle's downstairs to see you, and he's, uh, steamed about something.

Thank God. I gotta go downstairs and straighten this out. Wait, wait, wait. I

gotta tell you something else, and I'm not really proud of it. You're wearing

pants.

Those are my pants.

All right. I like the way they fit, okay?

Now, on another note, I told Kyle about the guy in Europe. What? He grilled me.

Oh, there's the dryer. I gotta go.

realize how much you loved Kyle.

You do love him, right?

So like the sunflower that has its season, an early frost has knocked the

out of you and Carrie.

Or something like that.

Kyle, we need to talk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. I'm sorry, Karen, but someone had

to tell her.

My name is Rory Hennessy.

Freshman.

What? Or girly boy. Whatever you like.

No, you said Hennessy. Are you Bridges' brother?

Can't you see the family resemblance?

Don't hurt me.

Can you tell her I think she's really hot?

Sure. Sure. No problem.

You on the swimming team or something?

It's not going to pick itself up.

I should have told you myself. It just never occurred to me that my whole

would break up with you before I did.

I even had a few phone calls from Rory last night, but I didn't call him back.

He's so great to me, and you're such a sweetheart.

I just want you to know it had nothing to do with the guy. Europe changed me.

Please don't hate me.

I don't hate you.

I hate Europe.

The whole country.

I'll never forget you.

So I guess this is goodbye.

I guess.

This would work a lot better if we didn't have four

classes together.

CJ, the roast is in the oven. Dad, help them with their homework and make sure

they get to bed on time.

How much longer are you going to work on this night shift?

I don't know.

But that job at school is looking better and better.

You know, normal hours, my own office.

There's even a rumor they're going to have valet parking.

Hi. Hi.

All right, guys, I've got two seconds. Catch me up.

Okay, Kyle wrote me a romantic note. Then I broke up with him. And then I

And I made a friend in the shower.

Don't worry, we're on top of it.

Except the friend in the shower.

We'll look into that.