Original subtitles

What's going on?

Bridget got suspended from school for organizing a protest.

What were you protesting?

The lack of mirrors in school hallways?

No, but am I the only one concerned about that? I mean, hello, beauty

discrimination.

Now that's the Bridget I know.

Not the one who stages protests to save frogs from getting dissected.

Okay, that's because she didn't organize the sit -in I did.

What? Well, she covered for me so I wouldn't get in trouble and I'd be able

go on my summer program to Europe.

Well, that makes more sense.

Yet, I don't feel happier.

Oh, yeah, thanks, by the way, Bridget.

Yeah, because of you, my girlfriend's gonna run off to Europe and fall in love

with some fancy French guy named Jose.

Jose is Spanish.

I am going to go down to that school and make this right with the principal.

Yippee, I get to deal with him again.

No, it's okay. Mom, you don't have to do that. I can live with my punishment.

Bridget, you got suspended.

That means you're going to miss the last two weeks of school.

Well, you know, I get a weak jump on my tan, and truth be told, I am not

prepared for finals.

Honey, it could affect you getting into college.

Hey, no one said life is fair.

You've missed the prom.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

Backing up to me.

You're looking at the new roadie for Aerosmith's summer tour 2004.

What's up?

A roadie, isn't that the guy who jumps in a barrel to distract the bull?

That's roadie -o -clown. All right. A roadie is the dude who moves all the

band's equipment around.

Oh, much better.

It's the coolest job ever. How'd you get it? Last night, I kind of bumped into

Steve. Steve and Tyler.

At his hotel. I was dressed as a waiter delivering room service.

And I was like, yo, Stefan, you know, how about a little hookup for your

tour? And he was like, sure. And I was like, sweet. And the cop was like, I'm

firing once.

Sure, that's what he said, sure.

Is that your job offer?

Yeah. You know, it's going to happen. You'll see.

Pretty soon I'll be knee -deep in groupies rocking out to Aerosmith.

Now I'm going to go downstairs and try on some headbands.

Oh, Grandpa, where's you going?

and a half hour before they feed the snakes at the pet store.

I'm not in the mood, Laurie.

Not in the mood to see snakes swallow gerbils?

I think you know a guy.

Dad, are you doing okay? You never miss feeding day.

Who are you?

Dad?

I do have something on my mind, your mom called.

And she broke up with Paco, and it got me thinking.

You know, maybe I ought to give her one last shot at this.

Excuse me.

What's with the sign? Oh, we started a campaign to protest Bridget's

You know, some of us are ready to run for student body president.

You're kidding.

No. We just get really upset when we think of your poor sister stuck at home,

suffering for her political beliefs.

Yeah, I just use 45 on my face, baby oil on my legs, 15 everywhere else, and

then cook till done.

Brain freeze.

Kate, Tennessee is here to see you.

Again? I'm really not in the mood to deal with it. Hey, it's good to see you.

Look, I've got to talk to you about Bridget. You have got it all wrong, Ed.

Well, apparently I do. I never would have figured her for an animal rights

activist, not with all the leather she wears.

That is just it. Bridget did not stage that sit -in.

Carrie did.

Huh. Okay, well, I'm willing to admit that I'm wrong.

Carol, would you give me the forms for reinstating Bridget Hennessey, please?

Thank you. And the forms for suspending Carrie Hennessey.

What? Wait, wait, you can't do that. You can't suspend Carrie.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I can.

But Carrie is one of the best students this school has ever had. One of the

best? The best.

Excuse me.

Better than Min Su Lee.

He shouldn't even be here. He's six.

Sure. Emotionally.

Not now, sweetie.

Did you just call me sweetie?

Please, Ed.

Look, you know, rules are rules, and I actually have a meeting.

All right, well, what could be more important than rectifying the unjust

suspension of one of this school's best students?

Well, how about a hot lunch program for the poor kids?

How poor are we talking?

Quite poor.

And I really am late. I'll tell you what. We can suspend Carrie's suspension

until we figure something out, okay?

Ed, are you blowing me off? No, no, no. How about if we meet for coffee?

Okay, when?

Thursday. After school?

It's a date. All right.

Okay, now, Carrie, see?

It's all going to be worked out. It's all going to be worked out? You just

agreed to go on a date with my principal!

Steve, just getting the lowdown on the roadie gig. Need the deets, all right?

call me. I'm here.

I mean, I'm not waiting by the phone. That's desperate.

I don't, you know, come on.

I'm cool. I just, I got some stuff going. But seriously, give me a jingle,

I love you.

God, I hate machines. They get me nervous.

And apparently a little gay.

By the way, Steven Tyler's people called you back already.

What? Yeah, I wrote down the start date for you. Well, give me it.

March 20, never of 2000.

Suck it.

So uncool, dude.

Oh, classic.

CJ, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Yes, if it comes to that point, I'll pull the plug.

That wasn't the question.

You've been dumped by a lot of girls, correct?

Yeah, a few.

A few hundred, yes.

Yeah, and of those girls, were there any that you wanted to win back?

Yeah, a few, but they're always, you know, it's better if we're friends now,

how'd you find out where I moved?

I'm into girls.

That was a mistake.

Oh, Carrie.

Oh, my goodness. We're never going to believe what happened. No, no, no. Me

first. Mom agreed to go on a date with Principal Gibb.

I did not.

We were just going to have coffee and discuss my delinquent children.

He said it's a date. It's an expression.

Yeah, which means let's date. Okay, okay. You know what? I can handle this.

Where are you having the coffee? Does it matter?

Oh, so much to learn.

Okay, if he takes you to one of those coffee chains, it means he's just there

talk business, but there's potential for something more. And if he takes you to

an intimate coffee house, it means he's completely into you.

And if he shows up 15 minutes late, that means he's outside waiting for you to

buy your own coffee.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

idiots wrote her in?

Well, now, Carrie, you said so yourself. There's nothing to be jealous about.

Now, Carrie, you said so yourself. There's nothing to be... President!

And do you know what this means? She gets to go to Washington for the summer.

Oh, come on. Yeah, it's some future leaders of America hoo -ha.

Whatever.

This is what's wrong with democracy.

Hey, I fought to defend democracy.

Yeah, look at Korea now. You kicked ass.

I would like to propose a toast to Bridget, the future leader of America.

I'm so glad I'm going to Europe.

Well, before we eat, I have a little announcement to make.

I've decided to take a trip down to Florida to see a certain lady.

All right, Grandpa.

1 ,500 miles for a booty call. Who's the talent?

Your grandmother.

I got two of the good -looking ones.

Well, we were together for almost 50 years, so I think that's worth fighting

for. That's a good idea.

And if it doesn't work out, I can still pick up a golf club.

Hey, Mom, what are you wearing on your date tomorrow?

Date? What date?

Look, for the last time, Principal Gibb and I are going to have a little talk

over coffee.

You two are having coffee?

Crying out loud. Rory!

Grandpa, you busy?

I'm just trying to open this jar of nuts.

Can I talk to you?

I'm always here for you. Here, open this.

What's on your mind?

Show off.

Do you think my mom will meet someone someday?

Well, I think that's a possibility.

You can't expect her to be alone forever.

But she's not alone.

She's got Bridget carrying me.

I guess that's not enough.

I mean, it wasn't enough for you. You're leaving us to go get Grandma back.

Oh, I see.

You know, even if the old bird does take me back, I'll still be in your life.

Yeah, I know.

We'll talk on the phone.

But we won't go to ball games or watch snakes eat.

All that stuff I did with Dad and you, now I guess I'll have to do that with

Harvey.

Harvey? The guy I imagine Mom's going to meet.

He sells waterbeds and drives a Cutlass Sierra.

He's always rubbing me on the head and saying, hey there, Skipper.

Yeah, I hate that guy.

Well, you know, Rory, I've been thinking about driving down to Florida instead

of flying.

Get out and see the country.

But those rides get a little lonely. You wouldn't be interested in tagging

along, would you?

On a road trip?

Totally.

Mom, Grandpa and me are going to drive down to Florida when school gets out.

I go?

Uh... I think that's a great idea.

Sweet. I'm going to go make a mix eating.

Grandpa, what do you like better, West Coast or East Coast wrap?

Surprise me.

Is everything okay, sweetheart?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I just realized that with the kids and you gone this summer, I'm going to

be here alone.

And I've...

I've never been here alone.

Well, maybe a little alone time would do you some good. You could do some

reading and take some long walks.

Maybe even meet someone for coffee.

No, uh -uh.

It's way too thin for that.

Hey, there's no rush, baby girl.

It's just when that time comes, stay away from guys named Harvey.

Let me just get organized here.

Something funny?

We're in the cafeteria.

Yeah, we're having coffee in the cafeteria.

Did somebody pour something in there when I wasn't looking?

No, this is something my kid said.

Oh, your kids. The two Hellraisers.

Well, actually, there's three.

Oh, no, no, no. There's a third?

You'll be having him next year.

Oh, well, I look forward to suspending any.

Now, look, about Carrie.

Animal rights are very important to her, so I'm not surprised that she would

protest a frog dissection.

Well, we don't dissect animals here. The frogs that Carrie saw are part of a

senior genetics experiment, and her anatomy final is on a computer.

Oh, well, Carrie obviously didn't know that.

Minsoo Lee did.

Come on.

You don't want to suspend the rare student who actually cares, do you? No.

don't. And Carrie is a good kid.

And I'm willing to see if there's a way to let her back in within the rules.

Okay? So, I looked this up.

It says here, if a parent disagrees with a principal's decision, the parent may

appeal to an ombudsman.

Well, fine. Where is he?

Well, here's the thing.

I haven't appointed one yet.

But it's your job to appoint one. Yes, you are right.

And because of that, I hereby appoint myself ombudsman.

Hey, what brings you to see the ombudsman?

This is ridiculous.

Well, I really think that's for the ombudsman to decide.

Okay.

Would you please let Carrie back into school?

Hmm.

Okay.

You know, I... I don't remember you being this funny in high school.

What, are you kidding?

I was hysterical.

By the way, I'm sorry if I sometimes come off like a tyrant. It's just

realize how important discipline is for kids, being a parent myself.

So, you're a dad.

What's your wife do?

She mainly blames me for our divorce.

I'm sorry.

That's okay. We wanted different things. She wanted somebody that wasn't a slave

to his job, and I wanted someone that wasn't sleeping with my best friend.

More coffee?

Oh, it's my schedule for my trip to Washington. It's so stupid. I don't even

to meet anybody important.

Just some secretary.

Of state.

What's she going to do, make me coffee?

That's it. I can't take this anymore. The posters, the interviews, the

with world leaders. I am the one who organized the sit -in. I should be

all the credit.

Oh, I see. It's all about getting credit. And you had us all believing

cared about protecting frogs.

Okay, fine. I'll prove to you that I protect the frogs. What are you going to

do, kiss one?

CJ. Rough day at the Cabbage Patch?

I need to buy an ice cooler for the car, a police scanner, and a pair of fuzzy

dice. Hey, we're not leaving for a month.

While we're going to the store, I might as well get me a bigger suitcase for all

my stuff.

All your stuff?

What do you got, two pairs of pants, a belt, and a bag of pistachios?

CJ, why don't you come with us to Florida?

Well, two things, Hormone. One is the frantic win from the hand waving by

Grandpa behind you saying no.

And two, I'll be with Aerosmith, man.

More importantly, I'm going to be on the road setting up mics, moving amps,

picking up panties. It's rough work, but that's the job.

Have you even talked to these people yet?

Not per se, but Stephen said... I know what he said. He said, sure, but you're

not 18 anymore.

You know, you can't be sitting around waiting for these stupid adolescent

fantasies to come true.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I mean, they haven't responded to any of my letters and calls and poetry.

Your what?

Nothing.

C .J., you are at a fork in the road of your life.

It's so stupid. You know what?

I kind of counted on my whole summer with these guys.

You can still come with me and Grandpa to Florida.

Come on, C .J., it'll be great. Okay, okay, simmer, Mary. All right, I'll go,

I'll go. Well, then I'll go to the store. And I'm not going to let Rory get

pair of fuzzy dice that aren't big enough.

All right, let me get my sunglasses.

I'll see you out there.

C .J., I'm really, really psyched that you're going.

Really psyched.

Me too, buddy.

Now simmer.

Come on, CJ, let's go.

I'm coming.

Well, I have to go, and thanks so much for Carrie.

Oh, and thanks for the coffee. Thank you. Okay.

What?

Well, you know, you might find this funny, but...

My kids actually had me convinced that this might be a... Well, you know, a...

Oh.

Never mind.

Good night.

Would you like to have dinner sometime?

Excuse me?

That just came out.

It's totally inappropriate.

But would you?

No. That's right. Don't answer. Don't.

It's just, you know...

My shrink told me that I should try to take more risks and... Oh, God. Well,

you know I see a shrink.

Okay, well, I'm going to go into my office now and stay there until I'm

sure you're not here.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

All right.

What am I going to do, Paul?

This is big.

I need a sign.

And I mean biblical.

You know, like a burning bush or parting of the seas or swarms of locusts. I

need something.