Original subtitles

Sure you have to go?

Yeah, I'll call you later.

What's wrong, Carrie?

What are you, blind?

Her boyfriend didn't even kiss her goodbye.

Stipped at the door.

Rejected. Shut down.

The Heisman!

Nice.

Guys, knock it off. You're so insensitive. These things happen to

So what's happened to you? The Heisman? Oh yeah, right.

Oh, Dad, look who got a letter from Mom.

The nice stationery, the perfume. I wonder what it is. I wonder what a

woman who cast out the best thing that ever happened to her could possibly

Kate, would you do the honors?

Dad, it's your letter. No, no, no. Begging always sounds better out loud.

Okay.

Dear Jim, I love you.

I'll always love you.

But I'm seeing someone else.

Oh,

she sees... Sorry, dude.

In a letter, Mom?

48 years together and you tell Dad you're seeing someone else in a letter?

Uh -huh.

More humane.

Right. Well, is that why you sent the picture of the two of you in a hammock?

Look, I really don't think it matters one way or the other if I think he's

We're not 16.

Well, I don't know. A four.

Look, Mom, he's not half as attractive as Dad.

What the hell is that?

you back later yeah okay bye hey dad

how you doing fine are you sure i mean you've been awfully quiet ever since you

got that letter from mom come on yeah mom can do as she chooses she's a big

granted she wasn't quite as big when i married her you see I knew it. You're

angry. No, no, I think you're the angry one. You know, split -ups are tough with

some of the kids.

Hey, honey.

What's all this?

I'm just highlighting Carrie's hair so Kyle will notice her.

Why is she doing that? Her hair is beautiful.

No, Mom, it's okay. She can't hear us.

It is.

I know.

It's okay. I kept the music on. She can't hear us.

Hey, Bridge.

I just want you to know, I know what you're going through.

If you're going to talk about this, I'm going to get up and go to my room.

Mm -hmm.

How'd you know I was bluffing?

The part about getting up.

So, talk to me.

I think your sister wants you, darling.

Come on, you know, you really do look like Dolly Parton.

Come on, she's the queen of country.

Whoa, Papa Bear.

Somebody's been sitting in my chair, and she's still there.

Look,

Carrie, I will call Sylvia at the salon immediately.

She is great with disasters.

It looks fine.

Oh, my God, that's Kyle. He can't see me like this.

Relax, they'll take care of it. Okay, tell him I'm sick.

I said I'll take care of it.

Look!

Rory, is there anything you wish you could say to your father?

I miss him.

And what do you think your father would say to you?

He'd say, Rory, I think you should have that Dick Dale classic Stratocaster with

the custom -fitted whammy bars featuring Prince of Tarantino's Pulp Fiction.

Nice try.

Very nice try.

Bridget, you've been awfully silent.

I'm Carrie.

Sorry, the hair.

It was an accident.

There are no accidents, Carrie.

I can't believe you just called me Bridget. Just sit there, Carrie. Thank

Girls.

You know, I hate this. Today I was reading an article and I couldn't

it. It's like being blonde has made me stupider.

More stupid.

Girl.

All right.

So, are we normal yet?

Who's to say what's normal?

You at these prices.

You didn't have much to say today either, Kate. How are you doing?

I keep busy.

No, Doctor, she burns herself out doing everything for us. And Grandpa and CJ.

Kate, it's time to take care of yourself.

And how do I do that?

Treat yourself.

Do something you've never done before. Something impulsive.

Well, you know, Paul always wanted to go skydiving for our 25th wedding

anniversary.

But I'm not going to go jumping out of some damn airplane.

Well, what's your skydiving?

Well, I don't know.

Singing, I guess.

Singing? Yeah, she's a great singer. Kiss ass.

Bridget.

I sing in the church choir.

But ever since I was a little girl, I always had this fantasy about singing.

You know, like a real singer.

Well, tell me about that little girl's fantasy.

Well, it's the same as any little girl's fantasy. You know, a smoky bar,

sequined cocktail dress, a brandy snifter filled with singles on the

Actually, that's my fantasy.

Shrink humor.

So how come you never pursued it?

Well, my dad is a very practical man, and he just thought that kind of stuff

frivolous. Grandpa stopped you?

Mom always tell us we can do anything.

Oh, honey, I have to say that.

Well, that's ten more sessions.

Come on, no, it's just really a very silly fantasy. It's not like something

I would ever actually... Go skydiving.

Kate. Yeah, Dad?

Dad, I like to sing.

Don't you think I have a nice voice?

Well, sure, honey, but, uh... Grandma, you like him. You know you do. You

so are gonna marry him.

You will marry him. I bet you do.

CJ? Is Paco there right now?

Oh, he isn't? Why are you giggling?

You're a naughty Grammy. I didn't know that.

CJ?

Uh, sorry, Grandpa.

I forgot you and Grandma were kind of a thing.

Oh, were you on the phone with Laura? You should have said hi for me.

Come here, CJ.

I'm worried about Dad.

He seems happy.

I'll take care of that.

No, no, no.

This is what he does.

He's burying his feelings.

He's only happy on the outside.

He won't talk to me or the kids. He just won't. Open up.

He needs a man to talk to.

So, CJ, can you make some calls?

Hey, I'm a man.

I have man -like qualities.

I don't know if you've noticed, but he kind of hates my guts.

CJ, you love him, don't you?

Go talk to him. You know, take him somewhere.

Show him a good time.

It's too cold to feed the pigeons.

You've been taken to a ball game. I don't know. I'll pay you. I can make it

work.

Ay -yi -yi.

Grandpa hot babe at 9 o 'clock.

That's not 9 o 'clock.

Like 8 .15, you idiot.

Oh, here comes the dreaded friend.

Listen, you're in Korea, right? I need you to dive in a grenade for me.

What? I need you to be my wingman.

Oh, they got wings here? I love wings.

Not wings.

Wingman, right?

I need you to talk to the buddy while I make me move.

Maybe throw in that I'm an astronaut.

Gotcha.

Hey, girls.

Hey, ladies.

He's 32, broke, unemployed. You better get him before he gets away.

Easy.

What's wrong with you? I don't want to be here. I'm only here because the Kate

made me.

Well, she paid me.

Yeah, well, then you're buying.

Can I see your I .D.? Have you got any scotch older than that line?

This is happy hour.

We don't serve grumpy people.

Well, who died and made you own it?

My husband.

Sorry.

I'll have beer today.

Wow, Gramps, it's like Sam and Diana store.

Gilligan could have.

I'll have a light beer, Mrs. Howell.

One draft, one light.

Oh, boy.

What? Light beer. Only 15 drink light beer.

You know, light beer is what's wrong with this country.

You know, when the angry old man primaries come up, you should run on

platform.

Hey, go ahead and make fun, but real men, real beer.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Carrie,

I know you're mad about your hair, and I know

I probably should have read the directions, but until Sylvia gets

back from vacation, I have a little surprise for you.

you, Bridget.

Oh, because I've always wanted to look like an Irish shutter!

No, you don't.

You look more like Howard Stern.

Hi. Are Grandpa and PJ gone yet? Yeah, Mom, what's up?

Well, I'm going out.

Don't stay up too late.

Well, Mom, what's going on?

Yeah, you look all nervous.

Well, I am kind of nervous.

Yesterday I took the plunge, and I signed up to sing at an open mic night.

Tonight's the night. Mom, that's great.

I wasn't going to say anything because it's, you know, well, personal, but I'm

really scared.

Don't be scared. You're going to be so great.

You know, why don't you guys come with me? I'm sorry.

Let me rephrase that. Get your coats now.

Mom, I can't go out looking like this. Oh, sweetie.

Now.

That's who's going skydiving.

Okay, so in summary, you get low, you cram the nose bone up into the brain,

kills him instantly.

So anybody want to buy me a drink?

I'll come back at last call when you're a little bit more yourself.

You.

Yeah, well, I think if anyone should sympathize with me, it should be you.

You're comparing striking out with bar chicks with my losing my wife?

Look, I'm trying to do a good deed here and get a senior citizen hammered, all

right? It's not like I don't have my own stuff.

I'm 32, and I got nothing, zip, zero.

32? 32?

There we go. You've got your whole life ahead of you.

Oh, boy, complaining about 32 is like complaining about a movie five minutes

Calm down, Gramps. It's okay. He's a little dizzy from all the urinating.

When I was a young man, I was digging ditches.

You were a ditch digger. You bet. In all kinds of weather, my hands were all

calloused and cut up, and I loved it. Well, of course you loved it, because

digging ditches is... I don't know. There's nothing positive about digging

ditches. I loved it because I was working towards something. I was

life, a family to come home to.

Now, marriage gone, home gone, work gone.

What's my legacy after all these years?

A twin bed in my daughter's basement.

I guess that trumps your zip in zero.

And so excuse me if I don't get all misty over the plight of being 32.

There goes happy on the outside.

Wow, it's crowded.

How come Grandpa didn't have to come?

I mean, get to.

Honestly, it makes me kind of nervous.

You know, I used to sing around the house when I was a little girl, and just

once, I wanted a little approval.

I just wanted to hear my dad sing. Oh, hot guys, right there. All right, we're

going to get a table.

Hi.

How do I look?

Like Kenny from South Park.

You ever hear that old saying, you want to make God laugh, just tell him your

plans?

Well, nothing worked out the way I planned.

Legacy. I don't even have a son to carry on my name.

I love my girls, of course, but it wouldn't have been nice to have a son to

throw the ball around with.

You know, you do have a grandson.

Yeah, there's Rory.

Dale Grabs, those cracks hurt.

Do you ever think that maybe...

Just maybe.

I would have turned out a little better if you'd paid a little more attention.

Maybe you'd ask me to throw the mic.

I'm sorry, I can't even keep a straight face on.

You call yourself a grandson?

You call yourself a grandfather? You're like the bad trees in The Wizard of Oz.

My apples are rotten.

Hey, stop it.

You two babies.

No wonder you fight. You're exactly the same.

Now why don't you just shake hands?

Make up.

Stop scaring my lady customers.

Put something in your mouth.

You know, I hate to say it, but Miss Kitty may be right.

You're the one scaring the ladies away.

You know about making up.

Should we shake?

Oh, sure. Then we can put on dresses and kiss each other.

You know, you're not the first guy to have his wife leave him. You know, you

might be the oldest, but... Are you done?

I gotta go to the men's room.

There the old guy goes again.

Who had 915 in the pool?

You know, that old guy happens to be the toughest guy I've ever met.

He dug ditches, all right? Why?

I have no idea.

You know, if he's letting me tell you to shut up, we'd be taking this outside.

You want to mix it up with me?

Okay, let's go.

Hey, you leave my grandson alone.

Yeah, I think that sounded a lot more threatening in your head.

Well, my wife left me and I'm living in a basement, so you want to deal with

that?

Okay. Okay, lighten up.

Jeez.

It was cool, Grandpa.

Yeah, well, I always wanted to stand shoulder to shoulder with my son in a

barroom fight. All right.

Aw, jeez.

I didn't know he was in a wing chair.

You didn't. I did.

Get the hell out of here.

My old man I'm a chip off the old block My old

man Oh yeah, I kind of brought you here for another reason. Thought you might

want to see me.

You know what that is up there?

It's your legacy.

She's amazing.

You know life sometimes... Baby girl singing.

That's my daughter.

She's lovely.

You do good work.

Speaking of work, we close at one.

Hey, I saw her first.

My grandson brought me.

You sing like an angel.

Oh. Oh, Dad, this is great to hear.

Thank you.

No, no.

Thank you.

For what?

I wouldn't know where to begin.