All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S08E22.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Back in the '80s,
the romcom was king.

From Splash to
Romancing the Stone,

I loved 'em all.

But my girlfriend Brea?
Not so much.

-Pretty in Pink?
-Yeah, everybody loves movies

where the rich guy
gets the girl.

Some Kind of Wonderful? Some kind of bummer.

-Broadcast News? News?
-Do you hear yourself?

Pick a damn movie already!

And no swords, wizards,
Robin Williams, or babies.

How do you not
-love romcoms?
-They're just so fake.

Real life doesn't
-happen that way.
-But it does.

That's what makes them
so delightfully relatable.

I honestly hope
I die in this chair.

It's so weird
that I'm used to that.

Brea, romcoms
are all around us.

Like these two.

First, they're
high school sweethearts.

Then, they hilariously split,
almost forever.

Now, they're so in love, they
barely even know we're here.

-Romcom.
-Romcoms are just silly stories

with misunderstandings
that could easily be explained

by one character
saying one sentence.

Which is awesome.
Like, in this one,

Julia Roberts fills
a guy's car with fish

'cause she thinks
he's cheating.

But really, he's just
hanging with his sister.

I know Mystic Pizza.

We're ordering
Mister Pizza?

-Yes!
-Who said we're ordering pizza?

Brea. And I want
a New York thin crust

on top of
a Chicago deep dish.

Let those cities
fight it out in my mouth.

See? Wildly idiotic
misunderstandings in romcoms

happen in real life, too.

Why don't we just
watch Meatballs?

Meatballs!
Now you're talkin'.

I want six
private balls.

You don't eat meatballs
on their own!

You need spaghetti
or Chinese food!

Did I just hear someone
mention meatballs?

'Cause I just gutted a salmon
I'm about to parm.

"Meatballs" was
the girl's idea.

Wow, Brea,
you've really become
quite the comfortable guest.

-I'm sorry?
-Don't be.
Watch this.

Maybe we should watch
Stakeout.

Yes! Bring a steak out.

I want a rib eye, a tomahawk,
and a porterhouse.

Makes sense to me.
Triple Crown of beef.

So, I guess we'll have
fish, meatballs,

and every cut of beef.

Thanks, Brea.

I'm just here
to watch a movie.

-Like Hamburger Hill?
-A hill of burgers?

That'll be
the perfect start

to Brea's festival
of meats!

Whatever works for ya, Bevy,
but I would definitely

chuck the fish
and go with the meats

like the girl says.

Well, I guess Brea's
beef banquet it is.

Happy Thursday
to me, Brea.

♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

♪ I don't know the future

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

It was May 19th,
1980-something,

and Geoff had gathered
his best friends

for an important
announcement.

Okay, now that Erica and I
are back together forever,

I've decided I'm gonna
ask for her hand.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Geoffrey Middle Name Schwartz,

are you saying what
I think you're saying?

It's often hard to know
what you're thinking,

so I hope so?

Bar, he's saying he's gonna
propose to your sister.

I was mostly right!

Yes! Oh!

My God!

Erica's gonna get to do this
all the time?

I'm excited, too, Bar.

Can I have my arms
back for a sec

so I can show you guys
the ring?

Oh, my God.

Before you do,
just know I accept.

Accept what, exactly?

Best man.

I mean, I didn't want
to make it awkward

for Geoff to single me out

in front of all of you
clearly lesser men.

Actually, I was hoping
you guys could all be
my best men.

Fine, but I think it'll be
clear to everyone

who's the best
co-best man.

Super clear.
Now, I was hoping

one of you could
hold onto the ring for me.

Matt Bradley, you're the most
dependable guy I know,

so it would mean
everything to me...

Say no more!

My hiding skills
are legendary.

I don't want you
to hide it.

I just want you
to keep it safe.

Don't need all
the boring details.

You mean the details
that are super important.

Like, where the hell
is the ring
that was just in your hand?

I put it in my pocket,
which has a hole in it,

and now it's down by
my shoe, where it's safe.

Yeah, Bar,
-I want the ring back.
-Never!

I mean, not never, but after
I hide it successfully.

I'm off to
the secret location.

-Okay,
-Barry!

Well, well, well.

Look who finally showed.

We were literally
10 feet behind you.

And yet, not in time to know
where I hid the ring.

-Definitely in this room.
-Somewhere close
to where you are now.

Probably under
-the pillow.
-How?

It's like they're all
For Hires!

What are you boys up to?

Just not hiding stuff.

You're acting weird.

You're acting weird.

Can't four grown men

anxiously come
to my childhood bedroom

for a reason so private,

it would literally blow
your mind to dust?

Or just nothing.
We should go.

We should, because there's
no sacred baubles

of great personal
or monetary value

hidden somewhere
in this room.

Now, move, move, move!

Not surprisingly, my mom
sensed something was up.

Geoff and Erica!

Aah!

What's happening
in here?

Just doing
my jazzercise.

In Barry's room?
With no music?

Silent jazzercise.

It's for librarians
and mimes.

Well, I'm glad to know you're
part of a vibrant community.

Is it cool
if Geoff and I use

-the shore house this weekend?
-Oh, my God! Yes!

Wow, you're more excited
than I am.

Oh, so romantic.

The moonlight
dancing on the water

-as he asks you.
-Asks me...

Uh, well, whether
you want New England

or Manhattan
clam chowder.

Oh, gross. Is it
Chowderfest time already?

I know.

Time flies.

You used to be
my little baby,

and now you're
a big girl.

Okay, you're obviously
having a mental breakdown,

so I'm just gonna go
get the keys.

Yep, my mom could barely
keep the secret from Erica,

so she had to
share it with someone.

Hey, that was
Battle of the Network Stars!

Now I'll never know if Potsie
can out-tug T.J. Hooker!

Look what I found
in Barry's room.

Husband tip...
eat more salt.

That way, your finger
will swell up

and it won't slide off.

This isn't my ring,
Murray.

Our child
is getting engaged.

Really?
Those two morons?

See what's happening?

My mom's telling
my checked-out dad

that Geoff is gonna
propose to Erica,

but he thinks
she's talking about
Barry and Joanne.

Quite frankly,
it's about time.

Feels a little
fast to me,

but at least I won't
have to pay for it.

What? Of course
you have to pay for it.

Damn modern times.

Ruining everything!

And this makes you
gleeful why?

Because, Brea Bee,

a classic, real-life
romcom misunderstanding

is unfolding
before our very eyes.

So, now we're gonna be
related to the Schwartzes?

This keeps getting
worse and worse.

You will not make this union
of two young hearts

all about your stupid feud
with Lou Schwartz.

-You saw what he did!
-What did Lou do?

Let's just say the worst thing
someone could do to my dad.

He asked him
-to stand up?
-Aww.

You really know him.
But worse.

Who doesn't melt cheese
on the cheeseburger?

He had it
just sitting there

on the tray
with the fixins!

Like it was gherkins, Bevy!

-Gherkins!
-For God's sake, Murray,

you yelled at him
in front of his guests

and then stormed out
of the barbecue.

I did it for all of us!

Well, you need
to go over there
and make it better.

You know what would
make it better, Bevy?

When your patty
is sizzling on the grill,

you put a little
cheese on it.

You know, they come
in slices now.

Go! And don't say anything
about the engagement.

It's a secret.

Put your child's happiness
above your own.

If she would have said "Erica"
instead of "our child,"

the whole thing would have
been cleared up.

What a hysterically
reckless game

you're playing with
your loved ones' lives.

You get it now.

And so, my dad
schlepped to the Schwartzes'

to make things right.

Uh, Bevy wanted me

to come over
and, uh, apologize.

About the barbecue
incident?

I guess it was wrong of me

to yell at you
for as long as I did.

It was 17 minutes.

There was a clock
behind you.

I was blind with rage,
but that's no excuse.

-So, I'm sorry.
-Thank you, Murray.

It's nice
to barely hear that.

Now, you say yours
so I can get out of here.

I left my car running.

What do I have
to apologize for?

The cheese, Louis.
The cheese.

Some people like the option
to take the cheese off.

You can't do that
if it's melted.

Plus, cold cheese
retains its flavor better.

Linda, please.
That is patently absurd.

I've got this.
Get out.

I only came by 'cause
my wife didn't want

things to get weird
after the kids got engaged.

Wait, w-who's
getting engaged?

Bevy found a ring
in Barry's room,

so I guess he's gonna propose
to what's-her-name.

Joanne?

That doesn't sound right,
but you'd know.

But they just
started dating!

That's what I said!

But the heart wants
what it wants!

Melted cheese!

Jo-Jo's getting engaged?

"Jo-Jo"?

I'm Jo-Jo.

Naturally, she then went
right to Barry's room,

looking for proof
he'd propose,

and one little
misunderstanding

got a lot bigger.

Joanne?

What are you doing?

Looking for this.

Oh, you're...y-you're not
supposed to see that.

Barry, it's way too fast
to be getting married.

I thought
you'd be excited.

I mean, if a boy wants
to marry a girl,
shouldn't he propose?

Well, not if the girl
isn't ready.

And she's not?

She will be one day.

But...not now.

This is
really upsetting.

Oh, well,
it doesn't have to be.

It can still be
really fun and physical.

Oogh! I don't want to
think about that.

Well, I'll think
about it for us.

Like, a lot.

And so, that little
misunderstanding snowballed.

Meanwhile,
Geoff was still ready

to pop the question to Erica,

but not without
asking my dad first.

Mr. Goldberg.
Murray.

Um, your daughter means
everything to me,

and if you would
extend me the honor...

Gaagh!

I thought it,
and it happened.

Why'd you tackle me?

You cannot propose
to my sister.

-She's not ready.
-Wha... How do you know that?

Joanne told me.

Apparently, they're a lot
closer than I thought.

But we've been so happy
since we got back together.

I guess I never considered
it might be too fast.

You can be
an impetuous boob.

It's just, we're going
to the beach this weekend,

and I told her there was
gonna be a big surprise.

-Ready to hit it?
-Oh. For sure.

Or we could just hang here
and take it slow.

Like super slow.

Look,
I'm Geoff in slooo-mooo.

Ugh. Please say this isn't
gonna be the entire car ride.

Sometimes we get what we want,
and other times,

we get crushed by life's
cruel indignities.

This guy!

He knows how to kick off
a beach weekend.

-Okay.
-Aw, man!

The simple
lack of pronouns

is wreaking havoc
on people's lives!

I don't think
I'm enjoying this
as much as you are.

Are you not following
what's going on here?

Yeah. Your mom found the ring
that Geoff was going to use

to propose to Erica,
but your dad believed

it was Barry who was gonna
propose to Joanne.

And when he let that slip
to the Schwartzes,

Joanne found out
and told Barry

that she wasn't ready
to get engaged.

Only Barry thought she meant
Erica's not ready,

which he told Geoff.

So, now, he and Erica are
going away for the weekend,

and he has to
provide a surprise,

only it can't be
a proposal.

So, you're up to speed.

But don't worry.

Romcoms always work out
in the end.

-You really believe that?
-I have zero doubt.

Hey, Bar.

Um, you can just take this,
and if you wanna hide it

or lose it forever,
that's, that's fine.

Okay.
Maybe a little doubt.

Believing her baby girl
was about to be engaged,

my mom was on cloud nine...

...and ready to spread
the big news.

-Hi, Bev!
-Ahh!
Ginzy!

Oh, my neighbor!
My friend.

My shadow.

You may not
shine brightly,

but without
your dull glow,

my life would be
meaningless.

You are the moon
to my sun.

-Aw.
-Sweet, simple Essie.

Do I have
a dull glow, too?

No, you are a more
distant planet to my sun,

a dull, icy,
lifeless orb

that somehow makes
my life richer.

Aww, it's like you're
a hateful Carl Sagan.

Well, listen, I have
some incredible news

that will put
in stark relief

how pointless
your lives are.

My baby's getting engaged!

Ahh!
Match your intense joy
with mine!

Yes!

Yes!

Moon, dim faraway rock,
what's wrong?

Wait, why isn't Linda here

to celebrate my divine union
with her family?

That's kind of the thing.

She's not as excited
about the engagement.

I see.

Beverly, how are you
this strong?

A mama can stop a train
with her teeth

if her babies
are threatened.

But I just said
it's too soon.

They barely know
one another.

They're soul mates,
you cracked leather bag!

And let's be honest,

the boy is a tad
emotionally underdeveloped.

Well, that's weird of you
to say, but okay.

Look, none of this
matters anyway,

because the proposal
isn't happening.

Isn't happening?

What kind of
an overbearing,

self-centered mother
are you to cancel

my baby's wedding,
where I'm going to perform

Jeffrey Osborne's
On the Wings of Love?

The kind who intervenes
because their child
is making a big mistake.

Well, you'd better
hope this happens,

or I will put you
in a permanent headlock

in which you will have to
eat, bathe, and sleep.

Well, that's not
gonna be practical
for either one of us.

Oh! I'll do what I can!

My mom desperately hoped

Linda was wrong
about the engagement,

and there was only
one way to find out.

There's our special
snack-maker!

Can you believe
we've been sitting here

without a single chip
and/or dip?

And Murray pulled out
a bag of uncooked rice.

It'll do in a pinch, but my
teeth aren't thanking me.

Linda Schwartz
stopped the proposal.

See? Everything works out
if you just do nothing.

No. This is a bad thing.

Like not having snacks.

I'd even eat a tomato
like a piece of fruit.

I once closed my eyes
and ate a radish

while thinking
about a pear.

It doesn't work.
The mind has limits.

Adam, maybe you have some info
you'd want to reveal?

Did you know a zucchini
is actually a berry?

-What's that about?
-Not fun food facts.

Fine.

Mom, are you positive
the proposal is off?

Because maybe
everything's fine.

My Schmoopy-angel.

Always looking
on the bright side.

I'm gonna go call
the shore house and see.

It's pretty...
pretty quiet here, huh?

Oh, and now some noise.
What a day, right?

-Hello?
-Hey, Schmoo.

Just checking in.

Anything fun or joyous
you'd like to share?

A bird flew
into the window.

It looked dead,
but then it took off
like an hour later.

Yeah, such
dramatic creatures.

So, uh, Geoff said something
about a surprise.

What's that about, fool?

I don't know...fool.

I kinda thought my surprise

was gonna be
something special,

but he's acting squirrelly.

Oh, wait, he's
coming over right now,

and he's extra sweaty,
for some reason.

Oh, my God!
It's happening!

Hey, so, um, I-I know
I promised you, like,

a big surprise,
and I'm, I'm sure

you're wondering
what it is.

So, here goes nothing.

Yes!
It's like I'm there!

I told you.
It always works out.

Erica, you mean
everything to me.

He'll probably
mention me later,
but so far, so good.

Life with you is like
a party in my heart.

But why just party
in my heart,

when we can party at your
parents' beach house?

Surprise!

Who wants to split
-a beer with me?
-I saw a pelican!

So, this is my surprise?

Hanging with your friends
and Johnny Atkins?

And Carla, bitch.

It's just a party
at our beach house?

-Oh, balls.
-Yeah.

Giant balls
you could've stopped.

Hey, I know that bro.

-Yeah, I invited you.
-Right.

Then happy birthday,
champ.

And I'm not calling you champ
'cause I don't know your name.

-Is it Glenn?
-It is not.

And it's not
my birthday.

Are you calling me
a liar, Glenn?

Okay, Mom, I should go.
"Glenn's" in trouble.

Damn it, Murray!
He's not proposing!

-Barry?
-Geoff!

-To Joanne?
-To Erica!

-But Barry is?
-But Barry is what?

-Proposing!
-To Erica?

-To Joanne!
-Stop confusing me.

Stop confusing me!

Allow me to explain.

Bill and I
are famished.

It's actually gettin'
kinda rude.

Okay, can someone
please tell me

what the
is going on?

With my hopes
of a happy ending fading,

I had no choice but to step in
and set the record straight.

And those are the six
standard plot devices

of any romantic comedy.

So, what you're saying
is that Geoff isn't proposing

because he thinks Erica
doesn't want him to?

And it was Joanne who didn't
want a proposal from Barry.

And he didn't want to propose
to her in the first place.

And it all started because
Mur-man is a loving,

yet disinterested father.

It's effortless.

Wait, Barry, you weren't
gonna propose to me?

One day...after I become
a wildly successful doctor,

emcee, and multi-sport
professional athlete.

So, like, next summer.
This is upsetting.

But Jo-Jo, you didn't
want him to propose!

A girl still wants
to be asked.

Then let's make it happen!

I'll do a super heartfelt
sham one right now.

No. I want it to be
surprising and romantic,

and then
I'll reject you.

Enough. The only thing
that matters now

is getting Geoff
back on track.

What do we do?

Well, at this point
in a romcom,

someone would tell the guy
to "go to her."

But Geoff can't
go to her.

He's already with the her
he's supposed to go to.

Well, if Geoff can't
go to her, I'll go to her.

No one's going to go
to her without me.

And I have the ring!

I need to go to him
so he can go to her.

And I'll stay put
for all of us!

Not a chance.
We're all going to her.

You can go to her
in my church van.

-You're not going?
-Oh, I don't like
to get involved

in other people's
romantic entanglements.

Everyone, to Vic's
religious van!

Go, go, go!
Go! Go!

Erica hoped for
a romantic getaway with Geoff,

but instead, she got this.

-Truth or dare?
-Dare.

I dare you to give me the key
to your apartment.

I thought you liked
using the window?

Damn it, Johnny!
I've met
all of your cousins!

Isn't that enough?

Oh, man. I wasn't
planning on doing this

with all these asswipes
up in our business,

but here.

It's not just
to my apartment.

It's to my heart.

That's clearly the key
to a bike lock.

This has been
truly traumatizing.

Oh. Oog!
And it's not over.

It had to be
truth or dare!

I suggested charades.

Ugh. Where is this going?

Well, I know
where I'm going,

to get some fresh air.

-Do you want company?
-I'm good.

-I-I think she's upset.
-No way, man.

-Don't be crazy.
-I'm upset.

Are we just gonna
stand here and watch this?

Where is she?

Mrs. G?

Mom? Dad?

-Where's Erica?
-She's taking a walk.

What's going on?

Let me start
from the beginning.

You see, I love romcoms.

Brea, not so much.

-Really, Adam?
-Geoff, Erica never said

she didn't want you
to propose.

It was all just
a huge misunderstanding.

So, you're saying...

My Geoffrey.

Sweet fruit of one of
my dearest friend's loins...

Aww.

...will you please
take this ring

and propose
to my baby girl

and make me the happiest mama
in the world?

Yes. Yes!
Oh, my God, yes!

Yeah!

Wait!

There's something
I need to do first.

Joanne, the sweetest fruit

of my mother's
friend's loins...

It's different
when he says it.

...will you marry me?

Keeping in mind
your earlier promise

to reject me and

make me the happiest man
in the world?

No! No!

A thousand times no!

Yes!
Here you go.

Okay, now I just
need permission
from Mr. Goldberg.

Not so fast.

-Lou!
-Murray, please.

Bevy, we're gonna share
grandchildren with this man.

What kinda world do you
want them to live in?

A world with melted cheese

on a burger,
of course, but...

Wait, what other kind
of world is there?

According to him,
a world where cold cheese

sits lifelessly
on warm meat.

Fine. I was wrong.

I just get overwhelmed
at the grill, okay?

-Let it out, sweetie.
-Between the timing

and the buns
and all of that corn

on the second rack,
I panicked!

I'm sorry, Murray!

From the bottom
of my heart, I'm sorry.

Ah.

All right, uh,
-you got permission.
-Great.

Then let's all go find Erica
and propose to her together.

-Absolutely not.
-Good idea.

I'll find her myself
and tell you what she says.

Here's what gonna happen.

I am going to go
find Erica,

and I am going
to propose to her,

and I'm going to
do it alone.

Yowza! Erica snagged
herself a man.

And while this is reallyovershadowing our relationship news,

I'm super pumped
for you, Glenn.

My name is Geoff Schwartz,

and I'm gonna go ask
the love of my life
to marry me.

♪ When people keep repeating

♪ That you'll never
fall in love

-Beautiful.
-Sure, the ocean.

It has a lot of fans.

I'm not talking about
where I am.

I'm talking about
who I'm with.

I'm sorry.

I thought this weekend
was gonna be just us.

You know, special.

Well, I think
it still can be.

♪ To your heart ♪ Let my love open the door

♪ To your heart ♪ Let my love open the door

Oh, my God, really?

Yeah, really.

I don't even know
what to do or say.

I... Should I kneel, too?

You're perfect.
I got this.

Yeah, you do.

When I first had
a crush on you,

I was just an anxious
ball of nerves

who could barely
say a word.

But now, I know
exactly what I want.

Is it me?
Please say
that it's me.

Erica Goldberg,

will you marry me?

Oh, hell, yes! ♪ To your heart

♪ To your heart

In our defense,
we're so happy for you!

It had been a crazy year
for Erica and Geoff,

but in the end,
it was all worth it,

and it seemed only fitting

that they got to
share the occasion

with pretty much
everyone they knew.

My best friend's
marrying my sister.

It doesn't get
much better than this.

Oh, I dunno.
I think we've got a lot

of good things
to look forward to.

Aww.

Murray,
are you crying?

My peanut's
getting married, and

he's a great guy.

Sometimes life exceeds
your expectations.

Not sometimes.

The kids, you,

all the time.

♪ Let my love open the door

So, what do you think
about romcoms now?

It's a lot more like
real life than I realized.

Just promise me we won't
have this much confusion

in our relationship.

I'm never confused about
how I feel about you.

That's the thing about family.

It's not just the people
you're forced to
share a house with.

It's the people you choose
to share your life with.

Of course, this meant my mom's
dream of planning a wedding

was gonna kick into gear...

Oh, my God! ...but that could wait
for another day.

I, I hope...

This one was about
the pure happiness

of everyone who was there

and the excitement
of what was to come.

I know, I know...
I don't always get

every detail exactly right,

but I do remember
that moment

when my sister said yes
as the sun set.

Yep, it was 1980-something,

and it was picture perfect.

♪ To your heart ♪

Close.

He's barely...

There's a beetle
on Geoff!

Ooh!

I guess it's not
about the music.

Why are you
laughing at me?

Oh!

Just the other day,
we take...

And it's choc...

It's chocolate mousse!

And once you climb
into those soothing waters,

all your cares
will drift away...

And once you climb
into those soothing waters,

oh, your dreams will...
come true?

Did everyone hear my stomach
do that just now?

I can't keep
-a straight face.
-I'm sorry.

I'm gonna cry.

Were you charmed by that,
or what?