Original subtitles

Good evening and welcome to the forest primeval.

You can see that there are times when a forester like myself must be both tree

surgeon and plumber.

This particular pair of trees is interesting because although scarcely

a few feet apart, one is hot and the other cold.

By the way, these are not maple trees.

Hemlock. It's in great demand among intellectuals these days.

We also package up a gift bottle for students who wish to remember their

teachers. This evening's tale is about a charming little boy and his parents who

might be the family next door, though I sincerely hope not.

But first we wish to demonstrate a new product for breaking up parties or

getting rid of visiting relatives.

We call it the Handy Dandy Room Emptier.

You know it as a television commercial.

He's just like a human being.

He likes a little teasing, but after a while, it begins to get under his skin.

His name's Charlie.

What's yours?

Eddie.

I'm Mr. Nelson, Matt.

Kind of hope there'd be a little boy next door and we moved in Charlie's

about fellas your age I'll let you take him for a little walk later if you like

Jack Stander. Bill Nelson.

Bill, good to know you. I mean that.

Give me some of the junk and point me in the right direction.

No, that's all right. This is all the loose stuff we have. The movers took

of everything else.

Hey, you lucky dog, you. Your wife's a real knockout.

This is my wife, Janet. Jan? Jack Stander, Jan. How do you do, Mr.

to meet you. Hey, none of that Jack to you. I'm the little boy next door.

You're gonna see a lot of me.

Fine, Bill.

Please keep an eye on them. They're bringing in the hi -fi.

Oh. I saw my kid horsing around out here with your mutt. Did he ask permission?

He's welcome to play with Charlie any time.

He should have asked permission. He knows better than that.

Excuse me.

It's all right. No, I want him to apologize.

No, really.

Eddie!

He usually snaps too when he hears his master's voice.

I mean, that kid is really trained.

Catch him early and drum it into him. That's my theory.

Eddie!

He'll turn up. He's no kid.

Say, how about dropping over after you get everything squared away?

You know, meet the wife. Well, that's really very kind of you, Mr. Tanner,

but... Don't try to do everything at first. Moving can be a drag. I know.

We moved three times in five years.

Hey, will somebody sign this? Well, look, you're busy. I won't hold you up.

tell Barbara to expect you. If we do get things under control.

Give me yellow if you need a hand. Thanks a lot.

How about it? Oh, hold your horses.

You see, through that grumbling routine of theirs, those clowns are just trying

to get a heavy tip out of you just because I did not lift the washer and

in the basement.

Well, don't give them a thing. See how they like it.

The sign here.

All it says is we delivered the furniture and didn't break it up for

okay?

The company will send you the bill.

Uh, look, uh, I, uh, appreciated the, uh, washer and dryer, all the extra

work. Oh, that's all right.

No, no, no, no, I mean it.

Put this with the other fellas and have a drink on me.

Well, thanks, pal.

Take it easy now.

Great place for a workshop down there.

You gave those movers a tip.

Well, you know, I'm going to call that company and tell them what I think of

their lousy service. Oh, look, don't do that. You'll get somebody fired. You'll

get everyone to walk all over you.

Forget it, will you? I swear you're scared of your own shadow.

Thank you very much.

I love you, too.

I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean that.

Just $5 when I didn't deserve five cents.

$3. That's all I give you.

What happened to my phone?

What do you mean? I gave them my money.

You didn't take it out of my purse?

No.

I'm missing $5.

Well, you probably spent it. Forgot all about it.

Yes, yes, he is. Just a moment, Mr. Phillips. Bill.

Mr. Phillips.

Come on.

Hello, Mr. Phillips.

Oh, yes.

Yes, we are. Thank you very much.

Well, I imagine so.

I'm Eddie.

It's nice to meet you, Eddie.

Don't you think you should... knock instead of scratching like a dog?

I am a dog.

Good for you.

No, I'm just kidding.

Is there anything you want?

No. Why, you need any help?

You know, go to the store for anything?

Oh, Eddie, that's very sweet of you, but I don't think so. Maybe another time.

Well, be sure to bring your wife, won't you?

Would you like some hard candy?

Okay, sure.

Better ask your father. He don't want to throw you lunch.

Your dog's still tied up out there.

Can I walk him for you?

You're back.

Mr. Nelson said it'd be okay.

Yeah, that's nice, Daddy. Why don't you do this?

Well?

Nothing.

Just, uh, you know, he wanted to know if we got in all right, if we needed

anything for the house.

Well, he's going out of his way to be nice to you. That means he's got plans

you.

Don't snap at every little bone that guy tosses our way.

He's got no plans for me except to keep me right where I am, under his thumb.

Well, at least we can hope. Work on him a little.

Jan, that's not me. I'm no wheeler and dealer. I can't manipulate people. You

don't know who you are or what you can do until you try.

The next time you want to give somebody a tip and I start behaving like the

queen of the shrews, you just haul off and drop me with a left...

Perk up.

This is our day.

This is the house we have been dreaming about, and now here it is, our house.

Now, this house is going to give you just the list you need.

Just one little push, and then you'll be project chief, and then the planning

board, and then who knows.

Charlie? I let the boy next door walk him.

Hey, take it easy, pal.

I just painted that garage last month. Your boy has my dog in there.

Okay, Eddie.

Open up.

All right, boy, what are you doing?

Just walking the dog. In the garage?

Johnny? I'm just showing him your new Forest Green sports car, Dad.

You know, I show everyone your new sports car.

Even dogs.

Well, Mrs. Nelson said I could walk him.

Isn't that right, Mr. Nelson?

You all right, huh?

He said your wife let him walk the mud. Is that right?

Uh, yeah, sure. Well, then what's the big fuss?

No, it's just that... Anything wrong with walking a dog? I mean, the way you

were banging at that door, you shook me up a little, buddy.

He was howling like he might have been hurt.

Well, I guess he was scared of the dark.

He pulled away from me and started running around in circles.

He's a real crazy dog.

It's like you're in the dark. Jack, lunch is ready.

I better buzz.

So don't forget to come over later.

You're having a rough day, boy. You're gonna need a little pick -me -up.

See ya.

Okay, Eddie, come on.

Haven't you had dinner?

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on.

In we go.

Let's have a baby.

The things you think about while you're making dinner. I'm serious.

Fun.

You're in a good mood.

I finally bearded the lion in his death.

The library organiser?

You showed it to Phillips? And I have something to show you.

Yeah, I left something out in the car.

Oh, what did he say? Don't keep me in suspense.

him in my glove compartment, stealing the parking meter money.

He's the one that stole my five dollars, that little bat.

Well, you better go over and tell his parents.

Well, I don't know, honey, but we're going to have to live next door to those

people a long time. I know that, but you just can't let it go, let him think he

can get away with it.

Did you ever see anything?

Billy's a disturbed child.

Look at these.

It's weird, all right.

A child like that could be dangerous.

Well, he may be going through a stage.

Adolescence, fantasy world, they grow out of him.

We just can't let it go.

Well, do we have to tell the standers?

Maybe it'll all blow over if I just talk to the boy.

Better do it now.

Oh, Bill.

Jack's not home yet. He's breaking in a new salesman.

Is Eddie around?

Just wanted to see him out here for a few seconds.

Eddie?

I'd ask you to come in, but the house is a mess.

Eddie!

He ran in just a second ago.

Oh, he's probably in the garage. It's a riot.

That garage is his second home.

Well, keeps him out from underfoot. He plays at driving his father's sports

you know, kids.

Thanks, Barbara. I'll check the garage.

Anything I can do to help?

No, no, it's nothing important.

Well, I'll tell Jack you were asking for him.

Eddie, now this is just between us. I'm not trying to scare you, and I'm

not going to punish you. I just want to talk to you as if you were my boy. Do

you understand?

Now, look, Eddie, what you've done is wrong. We both know that, but there's no

reason to make a lot of trouble over it.

Because, you see, I think that you and I can be friends.

Huh?

Maybe you'd like to come with me next time I go fishing up in the mountains.

Would you like that, Ed?

Okay.

I won't ask you for the money you took that first day out of Mrs. Nelson's

pocketbook.

We'll forget that, and maybe you can just help me with a few little jobs down

the workshop, but I do want you to show that you trust me.

So give me back what you took just a few minutes ago, and we'll wipe the slate

clean. I never took nothing.

Eddie, now, don't lie to me, because I caught you in the car red -handed. I

never took nothing. I was just looking at your dirty old car.

Don't lie.

You're the liar.

What are these?

What about these, Ed? Are these lies, too? Now, look, can't you see I want to

help you?

You're a dirty liar.

All right, this thing's going to end right here and now. You listen to me.

going to talk to your father.

You say one word to him, I'll kill your dog.

Listen, you so much as touch Charlie and I'll give you a beating you'll never

forget. You hear me?

I'll kill him.

I'll kill your dog.

Then I'll kill you.

I'll be home?

He's upstairs.

Well, it's nothing important.

I got a real jolt today for taking away my territory and giving me the whole

district. District sales manager, how about that?

Hear that, buddy? Not bad for a little boy next door, huh?

Listen, I take the whole bunch of us out on the town to celebrate, but Barb is

whining about me not spending enough time at home. So what do you say you all

come over to our place tonight and we'll swill a little champagne and play spin

the bottle? Huh?

Hey, you better get back.

Wife's in one of her moods.

Uh... Jack, can you spare a second?

This is, uh, pretty important.

Sure.

What's the problem?

Uh, it's Eddie.

Oh?

I had a little talk with Eddie today.

I know.

He told me.

He told me the whole thing as soon as I got home today.

I don't like it.

I was willing to let it go this time, but since you brought it up... Okay.

Let's get one thing straight.

I'm the kid's father.

If anything's wrong, you tell me. I'll punish him, not you.

But I never punished him.

You tore a couple of buttons off his shirt, you pinched his arms.

Well, I held him, and I talked to him, that's all.

All right, we won't make a big thing out of it. Just remember, I'm his father.

Fine.

But what are you going to do about it?

What do you mean? What am I going to do about him? I'm not going to do anything

about him.

Here.

What about these? Who told me about that?

Some other lousy kid gave him that garbage.

These are typewriter second sheets. They've got your company's name on them.

The other kid made him get them out of my desk.

Just look at them.

You don't have to be a psychiatrist to see what a sick boy you've got.

What do you mean?

Just look at them. You look at them.

My Eddie had nothing to do with it. He swore to me.

When he was only four years old, that kid got his in a way he'll never forget.

And do you know from that day to this, that kid has never lied to me?

He knows better than to lie to me.

Now you understand, right?

No need to ever bring it up again.

Sometimes it's good to bring these things out in the open.

You know, get it off our chests.

That way there's no hard feelings.

Okay, buddy, I'll see you after dinner.

Jack?

Don't make a mess.

Thanks, Dave.

We could take a half a day every day. This would be a decent job.

See you in the morning.

Honey, I'm home.

Janet?

Most people like to patronize their local stations.

To assure everyone that they are doing just that, we have the following station

identification.

For years, the producers of television stories have been striving for greater

and greater realism, while the commercials have been slowly becoming

more fantastic and incredible.

These two forces have been moving inexorably toward each other until our

can no longer distinguish between reality and illusion.

As any lay psychologist knows, this is extremely serious.

One not only must have a program in order to tell the players, but if you

careful, one of the players will sell you something.

Therefore, be warned.

We now have a minute of fact, followed by... Two acts of fiction.

Bill, he's coming over.

Well?

Swears his boy had nothing to do with it. Says he was with him all afternoon.

We told you he'd say that. That's what he said to me on the phone.

The fact remains, you didn't actually see the child kill your dog.

If you want to go any further with this, I'm afraid your husband's going to have

to come down to the precinct, sign a complaint.

Bill?

Your neighbor made some charges of his own.

Says you've been picking on the boy, bothering him, slapping him around.

We'll have to look into that, too. Oh, that's ridiculous.

That's what he says about your dog story.

It's your word against his.

And that makes me furious. Can't you see that he's lying?

Don't blame me, lady. I'm just doing my job.

I'll wait in the car for your husband.

Never mind.

I'll drop the charge.

Yeah.

Maybe that's better all around.

He killed Charlie.

I know.

So what do we do now?

What can we do?

Sell the house.

Run away.

Not running away. It's just being sensible.

It's the only rational thing to do. We'll just stay away from that little

monster and keep him away from us until we can move out.

Little monster.

I wonder if it's that simple.

Oh, don't waste your sympathy on him.

What is the matter with me?

What?

As soon as that cop started talking about what Standard said I did to Eddie,

know, I just sat there like a criminal. I was scared.

That kid, Eddie.

I tried to reach him, but... I don't know. Like you said, I'm scared of my

shadow.

Honey, honey, don't say things like that.

You're not like that.

You're not like that at all.

Well, I'm going up on him.

Why don't you get into your pajamas and I'll fix you something to eat.

No, no thanks. It's no trouble.

Jan, please stop protecting me. Don't make it easy for me to be weak.

Is that who I am?

The Great Earth Mother smothering you in her embrace?

I didn't mean it that way.

I was just talking to hear myself talk.

Remember our honeymoon when I wore this to dinner at the lodge? Oh, thanks

preserve it for Sam Rocker. You said it didn't suit me. Not at all the kind of

thing for your grimly conservative young husband.

You see, even then I was a terrible shrew trying to run your life.

Good luck, Charm.

At least that's what my father said it was when he gave it to me.

I was 12.

That's when he disappeared.

Six months later, I got a Christmas card from the other end of the world, but I

never heard from him again.

You know, for the longest time, I thought it was something that I'd done

drove him away.

And then I'd take out this solid gold hunk of charm, and I'd look at it and

think, he must have loved me, or he never would have given it to me.

But I didn't really believe it.

I know it's childish, but I used to think if I had a boy someday, I'd give

to him.

And I'd make it mean more than just a gaudy piece of junk because I'd be there

whenever he needed me.

Kids need a father.

That's why I don't want children. I just don't think I'm good enough.

Sweetheart, what kind of a thing is that to say?

It's true.

Look what happened today. Charlie, Dad, Eddie...

I feel guilty about that boy. I don't know why, but I do. I wanted to help

and I couldn't.

Why is it that I can't just once take my life and shake it and make it what I

want it to be?

You can't lie beside a man for six years and not know what kind of a man he is.

You're a wonderful husband, and you are going to be a wonderful father.

Hello? Oh, yes, just a moment, Mr. Phillips. He's down in the basement.

Yes, just a moment.

Bill?

Bill?

Mr. Phillips is on the phone.

Saturday?

Sure, Mr. Phillips.

I'll be there.

Right. Goodbye.

Hey, honey?

He wants me to join him and Mr. Tabor in a round of golf.

When? Right away.

He says they're interested in the reorganization plan and want to talk to

about it.

Oh, honey, that means they're excited they can't even wait till Monday.

I don't know, honey. I'm afraid to hope.

You've got to have your golf shoes. Can't look like a peasant. Thanks.

Good luck and nothing, Dad.

Jan?

Listen, why don't you come along with me? We'll make a date.

Honey, I can't. I've got a house to clean.

Besides, how's it going to look you showing up at a business conference with

great Earth's mother trailing beside you? Would you do something I want for a

change?

What's the matter with you?

I don't want you here alone.

Oh, Bill, that's ridiculous.

Don't think Eddie's a danger to me.

He killed Charlie.

That's the act of a nasty, spiteful little brat.

That doesn't mean he's a potential murderer. Look, Chad, I just don't want

here alone. Anyway, it is their problem, not ours.

Look, there is nothing to worry about.

Besides, they're away next door.

Honey, I'll lock all the doors if it's gonna make you feel better Now come on

don't spoil this lovely day Give me a smile a kiss and get the heck out of

Call

me from the club so I know when to start dinner

I gave her a certificate. She'll be fine now.

But it was a terrifying experience.

It's going to take a little while for her to shake the effects.

Why didn't you call me sooner? She wouldn't let me.

Phil, Jan told me everything that's been going on since you moved in here.

So I phoned next door and the father's stander hung up on me. I had him take

in his sports car.

So I called his wife.

She swore they haven't seen the boy. But the husband was out looking for him in

the neighborhood.

I explained to her that they should surrender him to the police because I

going to make a full medical report to the juvenile bureau.

Now, that boy obviously needs psychiatric help.

Psychiatric help?

You sound like me.

Oh, Lily Livert Bill, where there's no such thing as a bad boy routine.

What good is psychiatric help when you've got a little monster like that

around loose?

What's he going to do next? Who's he going to kill, huh?

Maybe your little daughter?

Easy, pal.

The state you're in. Don, I've had it.

This time I'm going to do something.

It's all right, sweetheart. It's just stand there in the lousy sports car.

Come on.

Right back.

I'm sorry.

I'm fine, really.

It's... I know.

I know.

You rest.

I'll be downstairs if you need me.

Where are you going?

Please don't go over there.

I have to.

Please?

I have to, Jim.

What do you want?

It's about that ridiculous charge against Eddie. See my lawyer.

Where is he?

Where is Eddie?

I don't know, but it's a lie.

I know he couldn't have done a thing like that. I told him never to go near

place again, and that boy obeys me. I mean, he learned his lesson early, and

knows. You mean he knows?

All you've done all his life is spoil him, protect him, make excuses for him.

What kind of a father are you? Don't tell me.

Don't tell me I didn't raise him right. I made him learn. I made him.

He was four years old, and I caught him in a bare -faced lie. I forget what it

was, but it was a dirty little lie.

I said to him, Eddie, every time you lie to me, I'm going to slap you across the

face as hard as I can.

And I slapped him right across the face as hard as I could.

You know what that little idiot did? He tried to hit me back.

So I said to myself, you just nipped this right in the butt.

You just show him that he's never, and I mean never, to raise a hand to his

father again.

And I dragged that kid over to the stove. We were in the kitchen, see?

And there was a big pot of boiling water on the burner.

I took that kid's hand, the hand that he hit me with, and I forced it down into

the boiling water.

That may sound cruel to you, but do you know that that kid has never lied to me

from that day to this? I mean that kid has never lied to me.

Now you know, right?

Now you know why my Eddie never could have done anything wrong.

When I came in here just now, I was looking for a little monster.

I mean, I felt I wanted to kill him with my bare hands.

And now all I know is that he needs help.

And if you won't give him help, I guess I...

feel responsible enough to know it's got to be me. If I won't help him, what are

you talking about?

Something's gonna happen between you and Eddie, and then it'll be too late. You

can stand there, and you can yap, yap, yap until you're blue in the face, but

needs your help. He needs this. That's what he needs. That's all he ever

He's gonna change.

He's gonna straighten out.

If everybody just get off my back, I'd solve this thing. Jack, he's a tormented

little boy.

Will you shut up?

Will you just shut up?

Don't you think I know?

Don't you think I live with that kid?

See him watching me all the time, defying me with his eyes, creeping

a little animal.

What do you want me to do? Put him away somewhere?

He's my own flesh and blood.

He's gonna be all right.

We just keep him in line, see?

We just keep him in line.

We just keep it hushed up, see?

And he'll grow out of it.

He's got to.

He's mine.

Whatever else he is, he's mine.

Come on. Before I burn out my sports car. Get to the air.

Water.

Open this door. Eddie!

Eddie!

can help you.

Help you change the way you feel inside.

Hey, Eddie, look.

See?

I want to give you that.

It's supposed to bring a person luck.

My father gave it to me a long time ago, and I want to give it to you.

Here.

And maybe it'll remind you that you can count on me as a friend.

Just as you can count on your mother and your father.

Your dad loves you, Eddie.

Let me take him.

I'll take him.

My baby.

My baby.

Mother loves you, baby.

Let me have him for a minute.

Stay with him. He needs you, Jack.

Hey, we don't need that ladder. Turn the hose. Put some more of that hose there,

will you?

Yeah, we got a lick now.

What do you figure, a fire bug or what?

The fuck does a kid who lives here did it? Wanted to burn up his old man's

sports car.

How crazy can you get?

I should be pleased with this amazing response, but I'm not getting what I

anticipated. Unfortunately, it's turning out to be oil.

We have only a little bit of story left this evening, and that seems to consist

of small segments of next week's show. We shall show it to you in a moment.