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Narrator: At a karate
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studio...
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Jump on it like a monkey in a
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tree, you little bastard.
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[ Laughs ]
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Narrator: On the
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boardwalk...
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Now you relax here.
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Use your butt to massage her.
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I'm just gonna bring it home.
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Shake it all out.
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Narrator: And on the
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street.
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Get your face as close to his
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face as you can.
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That guy is just standing
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there.
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[ Laughter ]
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Narrator: And tonight's big
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loser will face the most
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humiliating challenge yet.
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Excuse you.
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Oh, my god!
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Never seen anything like it
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in my life.
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[ Laughter ]
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[ Pop! ]
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We are here at
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tiger schulmann's karate,
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teaching a kickboxing and a
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grappling class.
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We're doing this in teams.
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It's murr and Joe versus me and
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sal.
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We got to do what they say.
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They got to do what we say.
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I'm ready to karat the
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[bleep] Out of them.
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You guys look like a couple
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of great senseis... not.
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Hi, everybody.
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I'm shisho James. Shisho Joe.
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Okay. So, we're gonna start
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with just some basic moves.
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All right, listen... we're
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gonna play out a scenario, guys.
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Let's play out a quick
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scenario.
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Pretend one of you is a
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bully.
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Let's pretend, for example,
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one of us is a bully.
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Hey, man.
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Hey.
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That's my parking spot.
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I was there first.
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Well, eff you.
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And he goes in for your waist,
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right?
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Using your body weight... right
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down... boom!
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Go for the attack.
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He pulls me in. Seatbelt locked.
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All right, this is the
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seatbelt... seatbelt.
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Start rolling around.
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[ Laughter ]
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Oh, my god.
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Say, "all right, class.
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Pair up and start rolling."
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S we want to get everybody
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to pair up.
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Use your momentum.
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Twist and roll. Twist and roll.
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One roll... you only can do one
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roll.
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Okay.
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What if the attacker comes in
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from behind?
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Murr, jump on his back.
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What do you do in this
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position?
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Drop to the floor... right.
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That's right.
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Right down.
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[ Laughter ]
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Okay, guys.
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Now move over to the punching
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bag.
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Take a knee, everybody.
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Take a knee.
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Here's how you deal with a
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bully.
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Let's say this is the school
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bully.
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Double-team that bag and just
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go to town on it.
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So, you're just gonna take
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turns really getting at him...
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[ Laughter ]
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Go nuts. Go nuts!
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Just going to town on him
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and telling him, "you can't have
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my lunch money!"
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Jump on him, murr.
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Jump on it like a monkey in a
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tree, you little bastard.
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[ Laughs ]
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That's how you take a [bleep]
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Down.
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So, there e four places that
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we always want to protect.
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What are they?
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They're your face first, right?
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Touch his face, Joe.
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Face first... you always want
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to protect it.
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Keep your hands up.
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Second place... neck.
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Touch his neck.
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Always keep your chin down.
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Third place is what?
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Solar plexus.
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That's right... your chest.
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And the fourth place is?
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Yes, your groin... correct.
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Touch his groin.
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Touch his groin.
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No.
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[ Buzzer ]
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[ Laughter ]
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Nice teammate, murr.
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How you doing, everybody?
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Ready for a good class?
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Sal, show them what not to
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do.
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Show them how not to slap a bag.
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You do not want to do this.
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Okay?
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And then back into position.
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[ Ding! ]
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You're not gonna win a fight
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doing that.
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Let's do another one.
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Okay. We're gonna show you a
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new move, guys.
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New move.
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We're gonna show you a move
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called the "you go, girl."
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All right. All right.
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Why don't we do some of the
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newer stuff?
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You want to do some of the
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new stuff?
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Guys, get down in a guarded
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stance.
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All right.
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Now, when he's gonna strike
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me, I'm gonna do what we call
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the "y go, girl."
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"You go, girl."
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Come down with your right to
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strike.
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Swipe it away.
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Say, "unh-unh."
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Unhnh. Unh-unh, girl. No.
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Go ahead.
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Tickle fight!
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Tickle fight!
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Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
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Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
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[ Laughs ]
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Is someone gonna help me?
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[ Ding! ]
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We know his kryptonite now.
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Joe's kryptonite is Murray's
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balls.
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America's... amer... america's
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kryptonite is Murray's balls.
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Do you think that you still
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have game?
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As I get older, I care less
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about everything, and that's
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appealing to women.
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Women's expectations have
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dropped, and we fit right where
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they're looking.
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We're in a real sweet spot
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right now where we don't care
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and women our age don't care,
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either.
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Yeah.
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We're coming to you live from
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Times Square.
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We will be playing TV
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reporters, but we will be the
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worst TV reporters ever.
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Why?
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Because we're telling each other
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what we have to say and do.
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Yeah. It's a clip-on.
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[ Laughter ]
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Sal's going in.
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Sal's going in.
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Would you like to be
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interviewed for TV?
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Would you like to be interviewed
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for TV?
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Yeah.
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All right. Cool.
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Have you taken any vacations
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this summer yet?
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I'm actually on vacation now.
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Y-You're here... so, you're
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not from New York City?
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No, I'm from here, but I live
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in Dallas, Texas, now.
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Wave your hand behind your
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butt, as if you just farted.
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Where do you recommend people
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to go if they're visiting
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Dallas?
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[ Laughter ]
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Sorry. Sorry.
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Tell me about what you've
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learned so far and what you want
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to do with that degree.
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Sal, start drooling.
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Possibly just...
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Um... um... just, basically, uh...
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You have... you have a little
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dribble.
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Drooling... perfect.
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[ Ding! ]
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From Times Square, this is
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James Murray, and today i'm
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talking to...
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Smitty.
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If you had to live somewhere
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else other than New York, where
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do you think you would move to?
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Touch him in as many places
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as you can with that microphone.
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Have you been there before?
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Keep going.
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[ Laughter ]
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[ Laughter ]
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Have you been following the
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heat wave as it strikes across
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the southwest?
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Has the temperature affected
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either you or your lovely mother
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here?
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Has the temperature...
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[ Laughter ]
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Come on, say it.
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Has the temperature affected...
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Has the temperature affected,
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uh, uh...
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Re we rolling? Great.
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Have you been following the
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heat wave as it rikes across
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the southwest?
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Has the temperature affected
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either you or your lovely mother
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here?
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Has the temperature...
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[ Laughter ]
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Come on, say it.
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Has the temperature affected...
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Has the temperature affected,
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uh, uh...
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Say it.
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Has the temperature affected
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you physically at all?
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[ Buzzer ]
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What's your name?
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Nick.
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Nick. Joe.
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Pleased to meet you.
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Joe, keep mumbling
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"squeeze it" when he talks.
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What do you think's better to
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get here... the buses or the
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ferry?
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Squeeze it.
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[ Laughs ]
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That's two long trips.
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Squeeze it.
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Somebody coming to New York...
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What's some things they need to
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do?
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Squeeze it.
294
00:07:14,721 --> 00:07:15,621
Eat cheap.
295
00:07:15,622 --> 00:07:17,187
Eat cheap is one. Okay.
296
00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:18,920
And then some sights they need
297
00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:19,521
to see?
298
00:07:19,521 --> 00:07:20,288
Squeeze it.
299
00:07:20,321 --> 00:07:21,487
It's so creepy.
300
00:07:21,488 --> 00:07:22,354
Let me ask you a quick
301
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:22,754
question.
302
00:07:22,754 --> 00:07:23,754
Joe, hold the Mike up to his
303
00:07:23,754 --> 00:07:24,688
mouth and just look at each
304
00:07:24,688 --> 00:07:24,988
other.
305
00:07:24,989 --> 00:07:27,887
Don't say anything.
306
00:07:27,888 --> 00:07:33,220
[ Laughter ]
307
00:07:33,221 --> 00:07:36,987
Just wait. Wait him out.
308
00:07:36,988 --> 00:07:38,387
Get your face as close to his
309
00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:41,987
face as you can.
310
00:07:41,988 --> 00:07:47,753
[ Laughter ]
311
00:07:47,754 --> 00:07:49,287
That guy is just standing
312
00:07:49,288 --> 00:07:49,788
there.
313
00:07:49,789 --> 00:07:51,587
People are crazy, man.
314
00:07:51,588 --> 00:07:54,487
[ Laughter ]
315
00:07:54,488 --> 00:07:55,720
And that's all from
316
00:07:55,721 --> 00:07:56,554
Times Square.
317
00:07:56,555 --> 00:07:57,920
[ Ding! ]
318
00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:01,253
All right. What is your name?
319
00:08:01,254 --> 00:08:03,053
What is it?
320
00:08:03,054 --> 00:08:03,488
Okay.
321
00:08:03,489 --> 00:08:05,053
I'm gonna call you "Sammy."
322
00:08:05,054 --> 00:08:06,620
I'm gonna call you "Sammy."
323
00:08:06,621 --> 00:08:12,320
How about how hot it is, huh?
324
00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:13,188
So, this is nothing for you,
325
00:08:13,189 --> 00:08:14,221
huh?
326
00:08:26,388 --> 00:08:27,521
Oh, you love to talk, huh?
327
00:08:27,554 --> 00:08:29,587
You love to.
328
00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:30,954
Is she still talking?
329
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:33,287
She's still talking.
330
00:08:33,288 --> 00:08:37,321
He gave her the microphone.
331
00:08:40,221 --> 00:08:44,220
He's walking away!
332
00:08:44,221 --> 00:08:45,221
Taxi!
333
00:08:45,222 --> 00:08:46,753
He's hailing a cab?
334
00:08:46,754 --> 00:08:50,788
[ Laughter ]
335
00:08:53,588 --> 00:08:55,087
What is she doing?
336
00:08:55,088 --> 00:08:58,354
She's still talking.
337
00:08:58,388 --> 00:08:59,887
[ Ding! ]
338
00:08:59,888 --> 00:09:01,620
Murr didn't fool anybody with
339
00:09:01,621 --> 00:09:03,087
his reporting skills or his
340
00:09:03,088 --> 00:09:04,653
bow tie, okay?
341
00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:07,588
I just put it back on!
342
00:09:07,621 --> 00:09:08,953
No one ever wants to talk to
343
00:09:08,954 --> 00:09:09,221
q.
344
00:09:09,221 --> 00:09:09,788
Well, no.
345
00:09:09,789 --> 00:09:11,020
"Least approachable" goes to
346
00:09:11,021 --> 00:09:11,354
you.
347
00:09:11,355 --> 00:09:12,753
'Cause you got those beady eyes.
348
00:09:12,754 --> 00:09:13,588
I don't trust you.
349
00:09:13,588 --> 00:09:14,388
Yeah, you do.
350
00:09:14,389 --> 00:09:15,520
They're always darting
351
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:15,954
around.
352
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,287
They're always like...
353
00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:18,121
[ Laughter ]
354
00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:19,920
Narrator: Murr is two in the
355
00:09:19,921 --> 00:09:21,587
hole and on the fast track to
356
00:09:21,588 --> 00:09:23,954
loserdom.
357
00:09:23,988 --> 00:09:25,320
We're at the pharmacy, where
358
00:09:25,321 --> 00:09:26,520
we're gonna have to approach
359
00:09:26,521 --> 00:09:27,853
customers and convince them not
360
00:09:27,854 --> 00:09:28,654
to buy something.
361
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:29,853
How are we gonna do that?
362
00:09:29,854 --> 00:09:31,120
By using a random reason that
363
00:09:31,121 --> 00:09:32,153
the other guys give us.
364
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:33,021
But wait, folks!
365
00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:34,553
This is a joker-versus-joker
366
00:09:34,554 --> 00:09:35,254
challenge.
367
00:09:35,254 --> 00:09:36,054
Oh, yeah!
368
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,753
Whoever pulls the pink has to
369
00:09:37,754 --> 00:09:38,221
play.
370
00:09:38,221 --> 00:09:38,988
Booyah.
371
00:09:38,989 --> 00:09:40,453
Let's do it. Don't look.
372
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:41,221
Don't look.
373
00:09:41,221 --> 00:09:41,588
Ha!
374
00:09:41,589 --> 00:09:44,621
All: Yeah!
375
00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:48,687
All right, murr.
376
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,387
Let's do this, buddy.
377
00:09:50,388 --> 00:09:51,653
I wouldn't get that brand if
378
00:09:51,654 --> 00:09:52,221
I were you.
379
00:09:52,221 --> 00:09:52,788
This one?
380
00:09:52,789 --> 00:09:53,820
Yeah. No, no, no, no.
381
00:09:53,821 --> 00:09:54,388
Not at all.
382
00:09:54,389 --> 00:09:55,420
Yeah, I'll tell you why I
383
00:09:55,421 --> 00:09:56,154
wouldn't get it.
384
00:09:56,155 --> 00:09:57,453
Nazi Germany.
385
00:09:57,454 --> 00:09:59,653
I wouldn't get these mostly
386
00:09:59,654 --> 00:10:01,320
because of Nazi Germany.
387
00:10:01,321 --> 00:10:02,820
I don't know if you know
388
00:10:02,821 --> 00:10:03,754
Nazi Germany.
389
00:10:03,755 --> 00:10:07,487
It's a little-known fact that
390
00:10:07,488 --> 00:10:08,720
Eva braun, who was
391
00:10:08,721 --> 00:10:10,720
Adolph Hitler's wife, had a baby
392
00:10:10,721 --> 00:10:12,187
who survived after the
393
00:10:12,188 --> 00:10:14,020
third reich was overthrown by
394
00:10:14,021 --> 00:10:15,453
the U.S. government.
395
00:10:15,454 --> 00:10:16,920
And that baby... she used to
396
00:10:16,921 --> 00:10:19,853
wipe with this brand.
397
00:10:19,854 --> 00:10:21,153
So, it's a little bit like if
398
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,353
you buy this, you might be
399
00:10:22,354 --> 00:10:23,188
supporting Nazis.
400
00:10:23,188 --> 00:10:23,688
What?
401
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:24,787
Yeah. Crazy. I know.
402
00:10:24,788 --> 00:10:25,788
I might get these.
403
00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:27,087
That's... you know, that's
404
00:10:27,088 --> 00:10:28,487
comparable, and, for me, it's...
405
00:10:28,488 --> 00:10:29,920
I've always been, you know, just
406
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,753
a supporter of the allies.
407
00:10:31,754 --> 00:10:34,420
Wow.
408
00:10:34,421 --> 00:10:35,887
It's your call, man.
409
00:10:35,888 --> 00:10:38,620
It's your call.
410
00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:40,287
Buy the wipes.
411
00:10:40,288 --> 00:10:41,520
Come on.
412
00:10:41,521 --> 00:10:43,653
Buy the wipes. Eff Murray.
413
00:10:43,654 --> 00:10:44,820
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
414
00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:45,788
Wait. Hold on one minute.
415
00:10:45,789 --> 00:10:50,753
[ Record scratches ]
416
00:10:50,754 --> 00:10:51,321
Well...
417
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:52,321
Did he just use it?
418
00:10:52,322 --> 00:10:53,587
I like to stay as far away
419
00:10:53,588 --> 00:10:55,820
from Adolph Hitler as I can.
420
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,320
Your call, man. Your call.
421
00:10:57,321 --> 00:10:58,887
By all means, if you want this
422
00:10:58,888 --> 00:11:00,521
one, get it, but it's just, you
423
00:11:00,554 --> 00:11:01,088
know...
424
00:11:01,089 --> 00:11:02,587
Take it. Take it from him.
425
00:11:02,588 --> 00:11:03,554
Take it from him.
426
00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:04,521
Take it from him.
427
00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:05,954
Take it from him and buy it,
428
00:11:05,988 --> 00:11:06,388
sir.
429
00:11:06,388 --> 00:11:07,288
I know it's a tough one.
430
00:11:07,288 --> 00:11:08,154
It's like, you know, "do I
431
00:11:08,154 --> 00:11:09,154
support a third reich, or do I,
432
00:11:09,154 --> 00:11:09,521
like"...
433
00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:10,088
No, I don't.
434
00:11:10,088 --> 00:11:11,088
"you know, spend an extra
435
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:11,954
50 cents?"
436
00:11:11,955 --> 00:11:13,687
So, what do you say, man?
437
00:11:13,688 --> 00:11:16,153
You gonna switch to my brand?
438
00:11:16,154 --> 00:11:18,853
That's my man. That's my man.
439
00:11:18,854 --> 00:11:19,953
That's right, man.
440
00:11:19,954 --> 00:11:21,420
Let's fight racism at its
441
00:11:21,421 --> 00:11:21,988
source.
442
00:11:21,989 --> 00:11:24,120
[ Ding! ]
443
00:11:24,121 --> 00:11:25,553
All right, sal.
444
00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:29,053
You've got the woman in the hat.
445
00:11:29,054 --> 00:11:31,288
[ Laughter ]
446
00:11:31,321 --> 00:11:37,653
Get her, sal.
447
00:11:37,654 --> 00:11:39,253
Oh, that's a... that nail
448
00:11:39,254 --> 00:11:39,754
file?
449
00:11:39,754 --> 00:11:40,721
Yeah. Metal.
450
00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:41,254
Metal.
451
00:11:41,255 --> 00:11:43,487
Yeah.
452
00:11:43,488 --> 00:11:44,154
Um...
453
00:11:44,155 --> 00:11:45,320
[ Laughs ]
454
00:11:45,321 --> 00:11:46,021
Mm.
455
00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:48,220
I wouldn't get that particular
456
00:11:48,221 --> 00:11:49,287
Emery board.
457
00:11:49,288 --> 00:11:51,321
Because of prison riots.
458
00:11:51,354 --> 00:11:52,720
[ Laughs ]
459
00:11:52,721 --> 00:11:53,987
[ Sighs ]
460
00:11:53,988 --> 00:11:55,520
I don't know if you'll really
461
00:11:55,521 --> 00:11:56,321
care for it.
462
00:11:56,322 --> 00:11:57,487
It's easy to conceal.
463
00:11:57,488 --> 00:11:59,087
I'm in the middle of... sorry.
464
00:11:59,088 --> 00:11:59,854
[ Laughter ]
465
00:11:59,855 --> 00:12:01,020
Hi. How are you?
466
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:01,654
Great.
467
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:03,120
It's been such a long time.
468
00:12:03,121 --> 00:12:03,654
Yes.
469
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,820
[ Laughing ] What's going on?
470
00:12:05,821 --> 00:12:07,720
Oh. Thank god.
471
00:12:07,721 --> 00:12:08,853
Yeah.
472
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,620
I'm the caretaker.
473
00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,753
Who is she taking care of?
474
00:12:12,754 --> 00:12:13,521
There she goes.
475
00:12:13,522 --> 00:12:14,653
She's buying the Emery board.
476
00:12:14,654 --> 00:12:16,087
I'm trying not to lose.
477
00:12:16,088 --> 00:12:16,854
I got someone.
478
00:12:16,855 --> 00:12:18,220
I'm out here busting my hump.
479
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,553
I got "thank you for being a
480
00:12:19,554 --> 00:12:21,353
friend" in my head.
481
00:12:21,354 --> 00:12:22,653
[ Laughter ]
482
00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:23,221
Really?
483
00:12:23,222 --> 00:12:24,820
I'm losing 'cause I'm getting
484
00:12:24,821 --> 00:12:25,688
granny-blocked?
485
00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:26,953
Get a vehicle. Drive.
486
00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:27,688
[ Laughter ]
487
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,721
[ Buzzer ]
488
00:12:29,754 --> 00:12:30,554
Well, murr came out
489
00:12:30,554 --> 00:12:31,054
victorious.
490
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:31,688
That's right.
491
00:12:31,688 --> 00:12:32,688
I just have a sharper tongue
492
00:12:32,688 --> 00:12:33,454
than the rest of you.
493
00:12:33,454 --> 00:12:34,421
That's what my mom said.
494
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:34,988
All: What?!
495
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:35,754
That's not right!
496
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,521
[ Laughter ]
497
00:12:37,554 --> 00:12:39,187
Narrator: For sal, the
498
00:12:39,188 --> 00:12:41,053
pharmacy was a prescription for
499
00:12:41,054 --> 00:12:42,853
failure, but can he beat out
500
00:12:42,854 --> 00:12:46,020
murr for dead last?
501
00:12:46,021 --> 00:12:48,487
Sal has got the worst luck.
502
00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:49,953
How about the time you parked
503
00:12:49,954 --> 00:12:51,387
your car away from everybody
504
00:12:51,388 --> 00:12:52,787
else and when we come out,
505
00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:54,353
there's a homeless man sleeping
506
00:12:54,354 --> 00:12:55,088
on your car?
507
00:12:55,089 --> 00:12:59,354
[ Laughter ]
508
00:12:59,388 --> 00:13:00,520
We're on the boardwalk,
509
00:13:00,521 --> 00:13:01,254
touching people.
510
00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:02,254
Well, professionally.
511
00:13:02,255 --> 00:13:03,520
We're giving them free massages.
512
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:04,454
Right. While that's
513
00:13:04,455 --> 00:13:05,730
happening, we have to do and say
514
00:13:05,754 --> 00:13:06,920
what the other guys tell us.
515
00:13:06,921 --> 00:13:08,453
Whoever gets the least amount
516
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,254
of tips loses.
517
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,553
Let's go rub some people.
518
00:13:10,554 --> 00:13:11,554
He's good at that.
519
00:13:11,555 --> 00:13:12,920
I'm creeped out by how good he
520
00:13:12,921 --> 00:13:16,420
is.
521
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,321
All right, murr.
522
00:13:17,321 --> 00:13:18,188
You're up, buddy.
523
00:13:18,189 --> 00:13:19,587
Ma'am, we have a promotion on
524
00:13:19,588 --> 00:13:20,887
the boardwalk.
525
00:13:20,888 --> 00:13:21,554
What is your name?
526
00:13:21,554 --> 00:13:21,954
Mary.
527
00:13:21,954 --> 00:13:22,321
Mary?
528
00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:22,688
Yep.
529
00:13:22,689 --> 00:13:24,020
James.
530
00:13:24,021 --> 00:13:25,287
Okay. I'm gonna work the neck
531
00:13:25,288 --> 00:13:25,888
area first.
532
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:26,920
I'm gonna give you a
533
00:13:26,921 --> 00:13:27,521
neckgasm.
534
00:13:27,522 --> 00:13:29,087
And, uh, I'm going to try to
535
00:13:29,088 --> 00:13:30,420
give you a little bit of a
536
00:13:30,421 --> 00:13:32,453
neckgasm.
537
00:13:32,454 --> 00:13:34,687
No. My dad's over there.
538
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:35,953
He might punch you.
539
00:13:35,954 --> 00:13:36,821
[ Laughter ]
540
00:13:36,822 --> 00:13:38,620
Oh, I don't want to get in
541
00:13:38,621 --> 00:13:40,020
trouble with your dad.
542
00:13:40,021 --> 00:13:41,387
Anything on your body that's
543
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,753
particularly stressful today?
544
00:13:42,754 --> 00:13:43,488
[ Laughs ]
545
00:13:43,488 --> 00:13:44,154
Everything.
546
00:13:44,155 --> 00:13:45,520
Your spine is all sorts of
547
00:13:45,521 --> 00:13:46,154
messed up.
548
00:13:46,155 --> 00:13:47,653
Your spine is a little bit...
549
00:13:47,654 --> 00:13:48,654
A little bit screwy.
550
00:13:48,655 --> 00:13:50,053
It's turned away from your
551
00:13:50,054 --> 00:13:51,820
cornhole.
552
00:13:51,821 --> 00:13:54,087
[ Laughs ]
553
00:13:54,088 --> 00:13:55,220
The spine is supposed to go
554
00:13:55,221 --> 00:13:57,220
straight...
555
00:13:57,221 --> 00:13:59,420
Down toward the cornhole.
556
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,620
[ Laughter ]
557
00:14:00,621 --> 00:14:02,520
Making a left turn, like a...
558
00:14:02,521 --> 00:14:03,288
okay.
559
00:14:03,289 --> 00:14:04,320
[ Laughs ]
560
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:05,353
All right.
561
00:14:05,354 --> 00:14:06,487
You have been a peach.
562
00:14:06,488 --> 00:14:07,987
If you feel so inclined to give
563
00:14:07,988 --> 00:14:08,654
me a tip...
564
00:14:08,654 --> 00:14:09,554
Don't tip him.
565
00:14:09,554 --> 00:14:10,354
Don't tip him.
566
00:14:10,355 --> 00:14:11,720
We do have a tip jar there
567
00:14:11,721 --> 00:14:12,887
if you've got any interest.
568
00:14:12,888 --> 00:14:16,154
Does she realize what he was
569
00:14:19,888 --> 00:14:21,387
I've never gotten a massage
570
00:14:21,388 --> 00:14:22,453
in my entire life.
571
00:14:22,454 --> 00:14:24,053
You go into a room in a towel.
572
00:14:24,054 --> 00:14:25,653
There's a stranger greets you,
573
00:14:25,654 --> 00:14:27,353
and three seconds later, they're
574
00:14:27,354 --> 00:14:28,853
massaging your inner thighs?
575
00:14:28,854 --> 00:14:30,920
[ Laughs ]
576
00:14:30,921 --> 00:14:32,320
Anything on your body that's
577
00:14:32,321 --> 00:14:33,653
particularly stressful today?
578
00:14:33,654 --> 00:14:34,354
[ Laughs ]
579
00:14:34,355 --> 00:14:35,453
Everything.
580
00:14:35,454 --> 00:14:36,720
Your spine is a little bit...
581
00:14:36,721 --> 00:14:37,588
A little bit screwy.
582
00:14:37,589 --> 00:14:38,753
It's turned away from your
583
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:40,487
cornhole.
584
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:42,720
[ Laughs ]
585
00:14:42,721 --> 00:14:44,920
The spine is supposed to go
586
00:14:44,921 --> 00:14:46,020
straight...
587
00:14:46,021 --> 00:14:48,120
Down toward the cornhole.
588
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,287
[ Laughs ]
589
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:51,920
Making a left turn, like a...
590
00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:52,854
okay.
591
00:14:52,855 --> 00:14:54,120
All right.
592
00:14:54,121 --> 00:14:55,253
You have been a peach.
593
00:14:55,254 --> 00:14:56,720
If you feel so inclined to give
594
00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:57,388
me a tip...
595
00:14:57,388 --> 00:14:58,288
Don't tip him.
596
00:14:58,288 --> 00:14:59,088
Don't tip him.
597
00:14:59,089 --> 00:15:00,520
We do have a tip jar there
598
00:15:00,521 --> 00:15:01,687
if you've got any interest.
599
00:15:01,688 --> 00:15:03,020
Does she realize what he was
600
00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:04,187
just doing?
601
00:15:04,188 --> 00:15:05,853
Ohh!
602
00:15:05,854 --> 00:15:07,920
Lovely.
603
00:15:07,921 --> 00:15:09,020
Wow.
604
00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:10,653
So, sal's got to beat $1.
605
00:15:10,654 --> 00:15:13,553
Just have a seat right here.
606
00:15:13,554 --> 00:15:14,554
You want to check if he's
607
00:15:14,554 --> 00:15:14,988
ticklish?
608
00:15:14,988 --> 00:15:15,921
Ken, I'm gonna check if
609
00:15:15,921 --> 00:15:16,554
you're ticklish.
610
00:15:16,554 --> 00:15:17,188
What do you got?
611
00:15:17,188 --> 00:15:17,754
[ Laughs ]
612
00:15:17,754 --> 00:15:18,588
Coochie-coochie-coo!
613
00:15:18,589 --> 00:15:19,720
You all right? Nothing?
614
00:15:19,721 --> 00:15:21,420
Kenny! Kenny!
615
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,820
Yeah. You're ticklish.
616
00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:23,920
You're ticklish.
617
00:15:23,921 --> 00:15:24,588
Nothing?
618
00:15:24,589 --> 00:15:27,187
Ken's not ticklish.
619
00:15:27,188 --> 00:15:28,753
Are you a physical therapist
620
00:15:28,754 --> 00:15:29,154
or...?
621
00:15:29,155 --> 00:15:30,187
No, I'm not. No.
622
00:15:30,188 --> 00:15:30,988
[ Laughs ]
623
00:15:30,989 --> 00:15:32,487
How you doing? I'm sal.
624
00:15:32,488 --> 00:15:33,553
Sit down. Have a seat.
625
00:15:33,554 --> 00:15:34,753
Make yourself comfortable.
626
00:15:34,754 --> 00:15:36,887
Sal, burp super loud.
627
00:15:36,888 --> 00:15:38,653
He's winding up.
628
00:15:38,654 --> 00:15:40,520
[ Belches loudly ]
629
00:15:40,521 --> 00:15:41,853
Oh, excuse me there.
630
00:15:41,854 --> 00:15:43,220
Excuse me. I burped.
631
00:15:43,221 --> 00:15:44,820
Sorry. I had a big lunch.
632
00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:45,953
All right, Jeff.
633
00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:47,487
He's never tipping him,
634
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,021
right?
635
00:15:48,021 --> 00:15:48,754
No way.
636
00:15:48,754 --> 00:15:49,454
He is!
637
00:15:49,454 --> 00:15:50,054
Oh, my...
638
00:15:50,055 --> 00:15:51,320
thank you so much.
639
00:15:51,321 --> 00:15:52,787
$2. Thank you so much.
640
00:15:52,788 --> 00:15:54,853
$2! $2!
641
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:55,721
Look at this mess.
642
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:56,953
Who would accept a massage from
643
00:15:56,954 --> 00:15:58,020
q?
644
00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:59,220
Would you like a massage?
645
00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:00,021
All right, buddy.
646
00:16:00,022 --> 00:16:02,153
Just let your arms dangle.
647
00:16:02,154 --> 00:16:03,287
Q, say you want to get a
648
00:16:03,288 --> 00:16:04,021
sense of his body.
649
00:16:04,021 --> 00:16:04,621
All right.
650
00:16:04,622 --> 00:16:05,753
I just want to get a sense of
651
00:16:05,754 --> 00:16:06,221
your body.
652
00:16:06,222 --> 00:16:07,420
And now just lay down on top
653
00:16:07,421 --> 00:16:08,487
of him.
654
00:16:08,488 --> 00:16:09,321
Right down.
655
00:16:09,321 --> 00:16:09,988
Okay.
656
00:16:09,989 --> 00:16:11,787
Just gonna... just gonna get a
657
00:16:11,788 --> 00:16:13,587
full sense of your body, okay?
658
00:16:13,588 --> 00:16:14,920
Yeah.
659
00:16:14,921 --> 00:16:16,487
[ Both laugh ]
660
00:16:16,488 --> 00:16:17,454
Okay.
661
00:16:17,455 --> 00:16:18,787
[ Laughter ]
662
00:16:18,788 --> 00:16:21,120
Mm.
663
00:16:21,121 --> 00:16:22,787
You just ate. You just ate.
664
00:16:22,788 --> 00:16:24,053
How does that feel?
665
00:16:24,054 --> 00:16:24,688
Good.
666
00:16:24,689 --> 00:16:26,687
Just feeling it.
667
00:16:26,688 --> 00:16:28,753
Okay. Yeah. That's good.
668
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,220
[ Laughing ] Stay.
669
00:16:30,221 --> 00:16:31,520
Don't do anything.
670
00:16:31,521 --> 00:16:33,053
Just stay. Don't move.
671
00:16:33,054 --> 00:16:34,153
Don't move.
672
00:16:34,154 --> 00:16:35,753
I'm gonna do the lower back.
673
00:16:35,754 --> 00:16:36,688
How's that feel?
674
00:16:36,689 --> 00:16:38,353
Okay. Now I'm just gonna work
675
00:16:38,354 --> 00:16:39,288
your lower back.
676
00:16:39,288 --> 00:16:39,788
Mm.
677
00:16:39,789 --> 00:16:40,820
Ohh, that feels good?
678
00:16:40,821 --> 00:16:41,920
It feels good, yeah.
679
00:16:41,921 --> 00:16:43,287
And now I'm gonna work the
680
00:16:43,288 --> 00:16:45,553
upper back.
681
00:16:45,554 --> 00:16:46,753
Upper back?
682
00:16:46,754 --> 00:16:47,920
Upper back.
683
00:16:47,921 --> 00:16:49,120
Lower back.
684
00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:50,387
Upper back.
685
00:16:50,388 --> 00:16:50,988
Lower back.
686
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:52,153
You're all done, brother.
687
00:16:52,154 --> 00:16:53,320
Q ain't getting no tip.
688
00:16:53,321 --> 00:16:54,620
We do accept tips, uh, you
689
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:55,920
know, if you feel the service
690
00:16:55,921 --> 00:16:59,020
was tip-worthy.
691
00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:00,220
You're gonna tip me when you
692
00:17:00,221 --> 00:17:00,721
come back?
693
00:17:00,721 --> 00:17:01,354
All right, man.
694
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,487
You got nothing for me now?
695
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:03,421
[ Laughs ]Ng for me now?
696
00:17:03,421 --> 00:17:04,054
No tip!
697
00:17:04,055 --> 00:17:05,453
[ Buzzer ]
698
00:17:05,454 --> 00:17:06,520
Yeah, would you like a
699
00:17:06,521 --> 00:17:07,488
complimentary massage?
700
00:17:07,488 --> 00:17:08,354
Come on in.
701
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:10,387
Use everything but your hands
702
00:17:10,388 --> 00:17:11,820
to massage this girl.
703
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:14,820
We do unorthodox massage.
704
00:17:14,821 --> 00:17:16,020
Is the hardest part of the
705
00:17:16,021 --> 00:17:16,388
body.
706
00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:17,154
How's that feel?
707
00:17:17,154 --> 00:17:17,854
Really good.
708
00:17:17,855 --> 00:17:19,888
Really good, right?
709
00:17:19,921 --> 00:17:21,253
Use your nose. Get in there.
710
00:17:21,254 --> 00:17:22,520
And now we're just gonna go
711
00:17:22,521 --> 00:17:23,454
with the jackhammer.
712
00:17:23,454 --> 00:17:24,121
[ Laughs ]
713
00:17:24,122 --> 00:17:26,353
Jackhammer?
714
00:17:26,354 --> 00:17:27,687
Use your butt to massage her.
715
00:17:27,688 --> 00:17:28,853
And now we're just gonna
716
00:17:28,854 --> 00:17:29,454
drill it in.
717
00:17:29,455 --> 00:17:31,220
We're just gonna bring it home.
718
00:17:31,221 --> 00:17:35,253
Shake it all out.
719
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,720
And you're up.
720
00:17:36,721 --> 00:17:38,220
Okay, Joey.
721
00:17:38,221 --> 00:17:40,020
As you're massaging her, take
722
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,987
off random articles of clothing.
723
00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:43,720
[ Laughing ] He kicked them
724
00:17:43,721 --> 00:17:44,154
off.
725
00:17:44,155 --> 00:17:45,820
[ Laughter ]
726
00:17:45,821 --> 00:17:47,888
[ Swanky jazz music plays ]
727
00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:56,587
Pants, too, buddy.
728
00:17:56,588 --> 00:18:01,987
[ Laughter ]
729
00:18:01,988 --> 00:18:02,988
Okay. How'd that feel?
730
00:18:02,988 --> 00:18:03,988
Oh, that felt good.
731
00:18:03,988 --> 00:18:04,821
Great. Excellent.
732
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:07,087
So, we accept gratuities.
733
00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:08,387
[ Laughter ]
734
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,653
She's totally speechless.
735
00:18:09,654 --> 00:18:10,820
Anything you'd like...
736
00:18:10,821 --> 00:18:12,020
Anything you want to put in
737
00:18:12,021 --> 00:18:12,454
there.
738
00:18:12,455 --> 00:18:13,887
[ Laughing ] She is not
739
00:18:13,888 --> 00:18:14,488
even...
740
00:18:14,488 --> 00:18:15,088
perfect.
741
00:18:15,088 --> 00:18:15,988
She tipped him!
742
00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:16,988
Thank you so much.
743
00:18:16,989 --> 00:18:19,053
A guy in his underwear.
744
00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:21,787
Leave it to Joey.
745
00:18:21,788 --> 00:18:22,853
"Q," you couldn't get a tip.
746
00:18:22,854 --> 00:18:23,987
I gave him the best massage I
747
00:18:23,988 --> 00:18:24,321
could.
748
00:18:24,321 --> 00:18:25,288
I got a tip for you right
749
00:18:25,288 --> 00:18:25,588
here.
750
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:26,054
[ Laughs ]
751
00:18:26,055 --> 00:18:27,420
It's huge... huge tip.
752
00:18:27,421 --> 00:18:28,520
[ Laughter ]
753
00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:29,720
Narrator: Murr is tonight's
754
00:18:29,721 --> 00:18:33,020
big loser, so now he'll get hung
755
00:18:33,021 --> 00:18:34,453
out to dry.
756
00:18:34,454 --> 00:18:36,053
This is the grossest thing we
757
00:18:36,054 --> 00:18:37,187
have ever thought up.
758
00:18:37,188 --> 00:18:38,587
You're gonna go into the
759
00:18:38,588 --> 00:18:40,120
laundry room, up to a stranger,
760
00:18:40,121 --> 00:18:41,520
take their underwear out of
761
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,953
their basket, put it on your
762
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:44,787
face for 10 seconds.
763
00:18:44,788 --> 00:18:45,454
That's gross!
764
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:46,587
That's gross! I'm not doing it!
765
00:18:46,588 --> 00:18:47,720
In this area for 10 seconds.
766
00:18:47,721 --> 00:18:48,753
No. That's not possible.
767
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:49,654
You've done grosser.
768
00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:50,820
We all know it. Let's get to it.
769
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:51,788
No. Come on. Seriously.
770
00:18:51,788 --> 00:18:52,588
Hop to it, buddy.
771
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,653
Hop to it.
772
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:54,753
I can't do this, guys.
773
00:18:54,754 --> 00:18:56,053
This is... this is ridiculous.
774
00:18:56,054 --> 00:18:58,020
Here he goes.
775
00:18:58,021 --> 00:18:59,687
He looks a creep no matter
776
00:18:59,688 --> 00:19:01,420
what he does and where he is.
777
00:19:01,421 --> 00:19:02,054
Oh, my god.
778
00:19:02,055 --> 00:19:03,220
Go to that lady in the back.
779
00:19:03,221 --> 00:19:03,921
Go.
780
00:19:03,922 --> 00:19:05,553
Go. Her. Yes, her.
781
00:19:05,554 --> 00:19:06,121
Go. Go.
782
00:19:06,121 --> 00:19:07,021
No way. No.
783
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:07,721
Murray.
784
00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:09,487
I mean, you can't say no, so you
785
00:19:09,488 --> 00:19:10,753
might as well just go.
786
00:19:10,754 --> 00:19:12,520
Am I right?
787
00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:14,020
Swoop in like a hawk.
788
00:19:14,021 --> 00:19:15,420
There you go, murr.
789
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:16,553
Look at those.
790
00:19:16,554 --> 00:19:18,120
Yeah, those are some nice
791
00:19:18,121 --> 00:19:19,088
parachutes.
792
00:19:19,089 --> 00:19:21,220
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
793
00:19:21,221 --> 00:19:22,054
He's sizing it up.
794
00:19:22,054 --> 00:19:22,521
Go! Go!
795
00:19:22,521 --> 00:19:23,254
Her back's turned.
796
00:19:23,254 --> 00:19:23,854
Get in there.
797
00:19:23,855 --> 00:19:24,953
Well, who's that guy there,
798
00:19:24,954 --> 00:19:25,354
though?
799
00:19:25,354 --> 00:19:25,921
Oh [bleep]
800
00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:26,688
Oh.
801
00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:29,153
My god. That's her husband.
802
00:19:29,154 --> 00:19:31,753
This just got interesting.
803
00:19:31,754 --> 00:19:33,788
Murr's scared to death.
804
00:19:36,221 --> 00:19:38,453
[ Laughs ]
805
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:40,020
You're nervous?
806
00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:42,087
How do you think murr feels?
807
00:19:42,088 --> 00:19:43,088
Do it! Do it!
808
00:19:43,088 --> 00:19:44,054
Go, Murray, go!
809
00:19:44,054 --> 00:19:44,954
Here he goes!
810
00:19:44,954 --> 00:19:45,954
Here he goes.
811
00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:47,387
All right. Here we go.
812
00:19:47,388 --> 00:19:48,321
Oh, my god!
813
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:48,754
Ohh!
814
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:49,953
Oh, my god!
815
00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:51,987
He just stole them.
816
00:19:51,988 --> 00:19:53,053
Murray, you got to put them on
817
00:19:53,054 --> 00:19:53,521
your head.
818
00:19:53,522 --> 00:19:57,654
It's not to steal panties.
819
00:20:03,188 --> 00:20:05,053
Murray is a loser, and losers
820
00:20:05,054 --> 00:20:06,187
must get punished.
821
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:06,854
Yeah.
822
00:20:06,855 --> 00:20:08,220
You're gonna go up to a
823
00:20:08,221 --> 00:20:09,920
stranger, take their underwear
824
00:20:09,921 --> 00:20:11,653
out of their basket, put it on
825
00:20:11,654 --> 00:20:13,120
your face for 10 seconds.
826
00:20:13,121 --> 00:20:14,953
[ Laughs ]
827
00:20:14,954 --> 00:20:15,888
Well, who's that guy there,
828
00:20:15,888 --> 00:20:16,221
though?
829
00:20:16,221 --> 00:20:16,688
Oh [bleep]
830
00:20:16,689 --> 00:20:19,953
Oh.
831
00:20:19,954 --> 00:20:22,587
This just got interesting.
832
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:26,953
Murr's scared to death.
833
00:20:26,954 --> 00:20:28,520
[ Laughs ]
834
00:20:28,521 --> 00:20:29,488
Do it. Do it.
835
00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:30,520
Go, Murray, go!
836
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,120
Here he goes! Here he goes!
837
00:20:32,121 --> 00:20:33,487
All right. Here we go!
838
00:20:33,488 --> 00:20:34,121
Here we go!
839
00:20:34,121 --> 00:20:34,721
Oh, my god!
840
00:20:34,721 --> 00:20:35,154
Oh!
841
00:20:35,154 --> 00:20:35,888
Oh, my god!
842
00:20:35,889 --> 00:20:37,253
He grabbed... he just stole
843
00:20:37,254 --> 00:20:37,688
them.
844
00:20:37,689 --> 00:20:39,220
Murray, you got to put them on
845
00:20:39,221 --> 00:20:39,888
your head.
846
00:20:39,889 --> 00:20:42,787
It's not to steal panties.
847
00:20:42,788 --> 00:20:44,787
Here we go! Here we go!
848
00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:47,253
Ohhhhhhhhh! Oh, my god!
849
00:20:47,254 --> 00:20:48,953
Oh, my god!
850
00:20:48,954 --> 00:20:50,988
Oh, my god!
851
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:58,020
These are... these are yours?
852
00:20:58,021 --> 00:21:00,287
I am so sorry.
853
00:21:00,288 --> 00:21:02,020
Just 5 more seconds.
854
00:21:02,021 --> 00:21:05,220
All: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
855
00:21:05,221 --> 00:21:06,253
Yeah!
856
00:21:06,254 --> 00:21:08,520
I am so sorry.
857
00:21:08,521 --> 00:21:10,787
I thought these were...
858
00:21:10,788 --> 00:21:11,920
I apologize.
859
00:21:11,921 --> 00:21:13,787
I thought these were mine.
860
00:21:13,788 --> 00:21:15,287
I apologize so much.
861
00:21:15,288 --> 00:21:17,321
[ Laughs ]
47154
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