All language subtitles for Kiff.S02E36.Stories.Before.Snories.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

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Original subtitles

♪ Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Kiff! ♪

Another eventful day done and dusted.

It had its ups, it had its downs.

It sure did. But Kiff, I still don't get

why you've called me beyond our mutual bedtimes.

- I can't sleep. - Classic.

It's bad, Bar. The mind, it races.

I was just thinking about sand. You ever think about sand, Bar?

Sand? It's so small, and many.

Don't even get me started. And glass?

That is a whole other story. Wait! A story, Barry! Dad!

Kiff? Shouldn't you be asleep?

Dad, I wanna do Stories Before Snories.

You do? We haven't done Stories Before Snories in years.

I know, but I can't sleep, like, at all,

and I just know that listening to a story will help.

I don't know, Kiff. I remember us stopping this for some reason.

Dad, please. One story,

that's entirely made up on the spot, has nothing to do with sand,

stars a character that strongly represents me.

It should have mystery, drama, betrayal, redemption.

Now, I remember why.

Please, Dad? One story and then I'll go snory. Deal?

Okay, deal.

Okay, let's see, um...

- Once upon a time-- - What time?

Uh...

Like, when? Is this time last week or last decade?

I need answers, Dad.

Okay, once upon a time, exactly 200 years ago,

there was a young squirrel called Puimm.

Puimm lived in a big castle that had a moat.

And also, its own bowling alley

that Puimm's dad used regularly to get his eye in before

the big bowling tournaments in the village.

- Dad. - Sorry, sorry.

Puimm would lie in bed every night,

and think about all sorts of things.

So many different things.

But one night, there was a knock at the door.

Do the knock.

It was a man, and he said...

Hello.

Do his voice.

Hello!

I'm going door-to-door seeing if anyone is interested in,

um, this bag of sand.

Dad, I said no sand!

Right, right, sorry, no sand. So, Puimm screamed...

No sand!

Get the sand away from me and my kingdom!

And he got in his car and left.

Good riddance.

Then Puimm rode a dragon to the land of pillows

and fell fast asleep. The end.

Dad, what was that? I don't mean to pick holes here,

but your story was all over the place.

You said the guy got in his car? This was 200 years ago.

Surely he would have left by horse?

And the sudden dragon?

You didn't even establish how she met the dragon!

Okay, okay, so I'm a little rusty.

Beryl?

Everything all right?

We're doing Stories Before Snories, but, uh, I'm tanking.

Think you could give it a go?

Oh! Been a while, but, uh, sure, I can tap in. Where we at?

Well, there's this squirrel called Puimm.

It's 200 years ago.

She banned some guy from the kingdom, and then suddenly flew on a dragon.

Did you establish how she met the dragon?

No.

Woof. Okay. Here we go. Exactly 205 years ago,

Puimm was walking through the enchanted woods

when she came across a little baby dragon

tangled in some brambles.

Puimm cut them loose, and it looked up at her, and said...

Don't forget to do the voice.

Thank you, kind squirrel.

For the rest of my days, I will be forever bonded to you,

and will help whenever you're in need.

Okay. All right, great dragon intro,

but we need some action.

What's going on with Puimm back in real time?

I'm getting there. Uh, back in the present,

Puimm's mom was making her a sandwich.

A banana split.

A banana split when she heard a loud crash,

and some booms outside. Martin, would you?

Yes, sure. Boom! Smash! Kaboom!

Boom! Smash!

She looked out the window, and behold,

a huge angee giant with an eye patch

was making its way towards the village...

Crash! Boom! Boom!

...destroying everything in its path!

Crash!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Throw! Kaboom! Smash!

Puimm's dad ran in and was all...

Not the village!

That's where the bowling alley is.

And the big tournament is this evening.

Puimm's mom responded,

“I think there are more pressing concerns

than the tournament."

But Puimm could see how devastated her dad was,

and how he really wanted this bowling alley in the story,

so she decided to call for help.

- From the dragon? - From the dragon.

Yes!

Puimm grabbed her special curvy

bone dragon caller thing, and blew it.

The dragon came quickly,

and flew Puimm and her parents to the village, but...

it was too late.

The bowling alley was gone.

Oh, no!

Said Puimm's dad. But the dragon was all...

Never fear, I said I would always be there to help,

and it just so happens I know an excellent contractor

who could rebuild this alley in time for the tournament.

I'll call him now.

He called, and soon the contractor arrived.

- By horse? - Yes. But he was looking glum.

- Why? - Why?

Because his supplies never arrived.

My supplies never arrived!

Thanks, babe. And so, Puimm's dad learned a valuable lesson.

That sometimes even a dragon can't help you

to win a bowling tournament. You just need to be patient,

and wait until next year to enter.

Then the dragon flew them all to the land of pillows

where they all slept happily ever after. The end.

Okay, look. I don't know what debate you've been having

downstairs about a bowling tournament,

but this story makes even less sense than when you started!

What about the giant? Why was he so mad?

Uh...

Am I... Uh. Is Puimm like a princess?

Does she even wield the power

to banish people from entire kingdoms?

These are all good questions, Kiff.

Hi, this is Barry. I never hung up.

I've been here the whole time.

So, I think I know what's happening here. May I?

Yeah, please, Bar.

- Knock yourself out. - Go ahead.

Okay, exactly 200 years ago,

five minutes before all that stuff happened,

Puimm had a best friend who she called on for help.

He was a good supportive friend who had no feelings of jealousy

towards the whole dragon-bond thing.

Puimm gave him a call and he said...

You always do the right thing,

and if you think hard enough, you will find the answers.

Puimm thought. She thought, and thought, and thought.

And then it struck her.

“What do you do when you prepare a building site?

"You lay a foundation. How do you lay a foundation?

"By compacting sand!"

Puimm realized she banished a man with a bag of sand.

This must have been the man who supplies the village

and its contractors with sand!

I shouldn't have reacted so badly.

"Dragon, could you help me find that poor man?" asked Puimm.

And they went off and found him,

living off the land with all his sand.

She un-banished him, which meant he could supply

the contractors with sand again.

The contractor then completed construction

on the bowling alley just in time for the big tournament,

which Puimm's dad ended up winning.

But they realized all the trophies were also destroyed.

And that's when Puimm had another brilliant idea.

She got the dragon to breathe some fire onto a pile of sand,

turning it into a perfectly round glass trophy

resembling a bowling ball.

Puimm's dad had never been happier.

But then the giant arrived.

And was more furious than ever.

"I'm so furious," he said.

Puimm asked him why he was so angee, and he said...

I'm mad because I lost my eye,

and now, I have to wear this eyepatch.

I hate it. Everyone thinks I'm a pirate,

but I'm not!

Puimm had an idea. She took the glass trophy,

rolled it up a ramp, and landed it perfectly in the giants eye.

The giant loved his new glass eye,

and agreed to help tidy up.

“Sorry you don't have a trophy" Puimm said to her dad.

“You're the only trophy I need," he replied.

Just before they left, the un-banished man called out...

Oh, wait! You should know,

I am actually the sandman.

Like, The Sandman, and when I came to your door,

I was selling little bags of sleep sand.

I can always tell when someone is struggling to fall asleep.

Here, take this.

And he handed her a bag on the house.

That night, Puimm fell asleep easily,

and could not believe how in the end,

it was sand and its endless wonders

that ended up being the hero of tonight's story.

The end. What do you think?

Hello?

Chatterleys?

Mm. Bowling alley.

Well, I guess my work here is done.

Sweet dreams.

Oh, no.

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