Original subtitles

Good evening.

I have been asked to explain American football.

Actually, in various forms, the game of football is played all over the world.

In some countries, such a game may be called a soccer match.

In others, a revolution.

However, there are several differences between a football game and a

For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear

uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game.

The object of the game is to move this ball past the other team's goal line.

This counts as six points.

No points are given for lacerations, contusions or abrasions. But then no

are deducted either.

Kicking is very important in football.

In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball occasionally.

I trust that I have made everything perfectly clear.

This evening's tale is not about football.

It concerns another sport, murder.

I might even add the word incorporated.

You see, our hero is an organization man.

driving Davey back out of the batter's box.

Scottie shakes off the next side.

Here's the wind -up and the pitch.

A ground ball, shortstop.

Easy play.

That brings up West Mantee.

West having a fine year, hitting .314. He's at .21 double.

Scottie the rookie working very smoothly out here.

Come on, baby.

Come on, hit it.

Now he's ready. Hit it out of the park. First pitch. Come on, baby.

Ball one.

Scottie with the boys of veterans.

Ready to pitch again.

That's really it. Going into deep, deep center field. That one may be gone. It

is gone. Into the center field bleachers.

It was Wes's 11th home run of the year and makes it a 1 -0 ball game.

Here's Johnny Rizzo stepping up to the plate.

Scottie doesn't appear to be shaken up by that home run blast.

Scottie's first pitch to Rizzo.

Low outside, ball one.

Again, the wind -up and the delivery.

Followed away, down the third baseline, back into the crowd. A souvenir for one

of the fans.

Now it's one and one on Rizzo.

As Scottie rubs up a new ball.

Shakes off the sign.

Now he's into the wind -up, and here's the next pitch.

A high pop -up. A deep shortstop. This ball's played.

That's out number two here in the fourth inning.

The next batter is center fielder Harry Bryant.

Good morning, Mr. Rudolph.

Good morning, Miss Whiting.

Any mail, Miss Whiting? It's on your desk, Mr. Rudolph. Thank you, Miss

Miss Whiting.

Hold all my calls. I don't want to be disturbed for ten minutes. Yes, Mr.

Rudolph.

Two.

All district personnel.

Immediate. In line with the decision reached by the Board of Directors

minutes of the June 17th agenda, Hotel Thanatopsis, Lake Saranac, New York.

Immediate steps will be taken to streamline our present operations.

All district and local bureaus must be drastically cut.

Only personnel with a AA rating will remain on the national payroll.

We have been informed by our consultant group that once this economy drive is

complete... We can look forward to a banner year in 65.

Yours truly, Vincent X. Castelli, National Vice President.

Miss Whiting. Yes, Mr. Rudolph?

Get me Granite 5509.

Ask for Ernest. Is that Mr. Ernest?

No, no, Miss Whiting. Just Ernest.

Any trouble?

A gas.

I've got a new assignment for you.

What, out of town again? No, no. No vacation trip this time. This job is

here.

Great. I'll be able to see my girl. That's all.

Yes, we're engaged.

Congratulations. You haven't told her. No, don't worry.

Women don't understand certain things.

Women like Mrs. Rudolph?

What did you say?

Well, I asked if Mrs. Rudolph understood certain things that you're not supposed

to tell women about.

I never told you I was married.

I know you didn't, Rudy, but you are.

And your wife is Brunette.

She's five foot seven.

Used to be a dancer.

And a week ago, Friday night, you took her to see an opera. I can't remember

name of it. I think it was Italian, though.

I don't like that, Arthur. You've been checking on me. I definitely don't like

that. Nobody likes it, Rudolph.

Makes a man nervous.

Especially when he's trying to do a good job for an employer.

By the way, you don't happen to know my girl's name, do you?

Sylvia.

Do you know when we're going to meet again?

2 .30, Malibu. She bought a new bathing suit.

By the way, what agency do you use?

Elite. You?

Catch them. They're much cheaper. Now, where's the proof of your last

assignment?

I'll send it to the home office with my next report.

Here's the balance of your payment.

Uh -huh.

Let me tell you about the new assignment.

Oh? Yes, it's very important.

It's important enough to double the fee.

Double? Ten big ones.

With the usual 10 % advance?

And no deadline.

Oh, oh.

I wouldn't put it off too long without you.

Who is he?

Something funny, Art?

No, I was just thinking the address.

It's only a couple of blocks away from here.

We're practically neighbors.

Do you know him?

No.

But we'll fix that.

Oh, Rudy.

As a matter of curiosity, supposing I'm busy and I can't handle the job, what

does the management do?

We have someone to take care of a rush assignment if you're not available.

Do I know him?

You mustn't be curious, Arthur.

Oh, I know Reed and the contract and all of that, but the guy can't help

wondering, you know.

About what?

Do you know where the home office is?

East. Chicago?

Used to be Chicago.

We moved.

Rudy. Have you ever seen him?

Seen who?

The top people, the board, the management.

Nobody sees them, Arthur.

I bet they live good.

Good? You know, big cars, beautiful women, the best food.

Naturally, they're executives. Life is different up there. But you mustn't

forget the pressures.

Responsibility. The envy.

The envy.

The knife, Arthur. The knife of envy and ambition.

Watch out for it.

You'll contact me?

When the job's over.

Mr. Price, you're back.

Yeah. Mr. Costigan was in. What did he decide?

Mahogany with silver handles. Good.

We've made all the arrangements.

Are you asleep?

No, baby. I'm just relaxing.

Oh, poor baby. You've been working too hard.

Well, honey, we're going to get married.

Well, Daddy has to say yes first.

What did you tell Daddy about me?

Oh, I said, look, Daddy.

What did Daddy say?

Oh, Daddy said any jerk nowadays can buy a diamond on the installment plan.

Jerk. I paid cash.

Really? Oh, darling.

You must tell Daddy that tonight.

Tonight?

Well, yes.

He wants to talk to you at dinner.

What do you mean, talk?

Well, talk.

You know.

After all, I'm the only daughter Daddy's got.

You're also the only wife I'll get.

Oh, let's not talk about Daddy anymore.

Let's talk about us.

Only... Let's not talk.

you

Methinks something stinks in Denmark.

An excellent dinner, my dear. Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Coffee, darling?

Please, why don't you go and freshen up a bit?

I can pour out this coffee for him.

All right.

I won't be a minute, darling.

And don't let Daddy scare you.

Thank you, sir.

Cigarette? Oh, no, thank you. I don't smoke, sir.

Thank you.

Some coffee?

Yes, please. Why?

So you're a photographer?

Yes, sir.

Chainer, isn't it?

I own the studio myself.

You like photography?

Well, there are two things in this world I care about, sir.

Sylvia and a good camera.

Well, you've got the camera. Now all you need is... Sylvia. That's right, sir.

My daughter tells me you travel a lot.

Well, now and then, sir.

I mean, now and then I have to go out of town.

Is that usual in your profession?

Well, I don't know whether it's usual or not, sir.

But then again, I don't think I'm a usual photographer.

As a matter of fact, I...

I think I'm kind of an unusual photographer.

Good. Good.

Brandy? No, thank you, sir.

I've always given my little girl the very best, young man.

Well, I can see that, Mr. Sylvester.

Had a fella here once to dinner.

Painter. Wore a beard. Made me itchy just to look at him. Well, I talked to

Right here in this room, as a matter of fact. This is him talking to you.

I explained how my daughter was used to a certain standard.

Never saw him again.

Yes, sir.

Now, mind you, Arthur, I don't mind a man starting out poor.

No, sir.

In this country, the thing that counts is brains.

Yes, sir. And competition.

Competition, sir?

Of course.

Big getaway, and what are we?

Oh, that's very good, sir. I'll try not to forget that.

Brains, competition, and thrift.

Thrift, too?

A dollar saved is a dollar earned, my boy.

Well, I know, sir, but doesn't the government say that we ought to spend?

Spend? Well, I mean, how can we hope to expand business unless we buy, isn't

that right, sir?

We can't, naturally.

I mean, it just seems logical to me.

Well, I'm 100 % for logic, Arthur.

Spend. Save and spend.

Isn't that difficult?

My boy, do you think we've built this country up doing things the easy way?

No, sir. What made our railroads and our steel industries and oil corporations

great?

Thrift, competition, and brains.

And personal initiative.

Well, I think I have that, sir.

Are you sure, Arthur? Are you sure?

Not everyone has it.

Just give me the chance, sir.

Mr. Sylvester, exactly what would you say Sylvia's standard is?

Do you have $50 ,000, Arthur?

Cash? Cash.

Oh, no, sir.

Not yet, I don't. I'm a little short.

How short?

About $30 ,000.

Well, Arthur, you get that personal initiative going for you.

And slap together another $30 ,000.

And then we'll talk about a wedding.

Speaking. This is Mr. Hiram Price.

Yes, Mr. Price. What can I do for you?

Well, I would like to make an appointment to have a picture taken. A

that I can include in a new business brochure that I'm having printed.

Of course, Mr. Price. That can be arranged.

I'm in a hurry, Mr. Mannix.

Would you prefer a morning or an evening appointment, Mr. Price?

Evening.

I have the printer waiting.

I see.

It's 10 .30 now. Could you... come over tonight?

Yes.

I can be there in half an hour.

Nice of you to accommodate me.

Not at all, Mr. Price.

Mr. Price?

That's right, Mr. Mannix.

Have a chair, will you please?

Where are you, Mr. Mannix?

I'm in the darkroom.

I'll be with you in a moment.

Any more sittings this evening, Mr. Maddox?

I beg your pardon? I said, any more sittings this evening?

Oh, no.

Nice studio you have here.

Thank you.

Nice and quiet.

I beg your pardon?

I said, nice and quiet.

Oh, yes.

I don't like to be disturbed when I have a job to do.

I like quiet in my business, too.

What business are you in, Mr. Price?

I'm in the undertaking business, Mr. Mannix.

Did you say the undertaking business?

That's right.

That's what I said, Mr. Mannix.

Undertaking.

All right, Mr. Price.

Now let's return to the studio.

We've got a lot to talk about.

Have a seat, Mr. Price.

Here.

Ah, karate.

Yes.

I never studied it.

It's an interesting weapon.

Maybe.

The costume, that canvas kimono.

Stop me.

You strictly knife?

Yeah.

Most of the time.

Well, what now?

Police? The police?

No, of course not.

I did try to kill you. You must have gathered that.

I did.

But you didn't succeed, did you?

No.

My first failure.

Really? In ten years.

Too bad.

You knew that dark room would blind me, huh?

Oh, of course.

Excellent tactics.

Oh, not tactics, Mr. Price.

Details.

That's where success and failure lies.

In detail.

And I got careless.

No, I'd say overconfident.

Maybe.

If not the police, what?

I'm going to kill you, Mr. Price.

Kill me?

Not immediately.

I think first we should discuss how you're going to die.

Death is death. The cosmetics don't help.

Oh, I disagree with you, Undertaker.

In our business, how a man dies is very important.

Who are you?

More important, Mr. Price, I know who you are.

And I know that you were hired by the management to kill me, and I know why

were hired to kill me.

Even I don't know that much.

Well, that's why you're going to die, and I'm going to live.

I don't understand that.

It's really quite simple, Mr. Price.

We're both in the same business.

We're both undertakers?

No, not undertakers.

Executioners, Mr. Price.

I'm known to the management as the photographer.

Have you heard of me?

No. Well, at any rate.

I was assigned this morning to kill you by the management or at least by one of

their representatives.

Which representative?

A lawyer by the name of Rudolph.

I don't know him.

My contract was for $10 ,000 with the usual 10 % advance.

I got 5%. What was your total payment?

Same as yours, 10 grand.

There, you see?

See what?

It's a contest, Mr. Price.

A contest.

Between you and me.

The professional executioners.

Both of us employed by the management.

But why?

To see which of us was the cleverer, the more reliable, the more efficient.

I didn't know there were two of us.

But even so, why would they put two of their best operators at each other's

throats? Is it a game?

Are they that bored?

Oh, no, no, no.

They had a reason.

Business is dull?

No, Mr. Price. Business is automated.

You see, they only need one of us now on the staff.

One. That's right, Mr. Price.

Naturally, the one they keep has got to be the best one.

Naturally. I mean, we can't fight industrial progress, can we, Mr. Price?

Did you know who I was when I gave you the assignment?

No. You know the organization's policy?

Nobody knows anybody except his own contact.

It's a security measure.

When did you first check on me?

About one o 'clock.

When I returned to my studio, I saw your hearse across the street. Obviously,

you were casing my studio.

You know, I sat here for a half hour trying to figure out why.

It could mean only one thing.

I mean, a contest had to be the answer.

I think the management played both of us a low -down trick.

Oh, just standard business practice, Mr. Price, that's all.

Besides, the winner will be generously paid.

May I, Mr. Price?

Five percent?

I didn't have time to go to the bank.

Fortunately.

Oh, marriage is such a...

Expensive proposition these days, Mr. Price.

I'm a bachelor.

Really?

Well, that'll make it easier then.

Easier? Yes.

I must kill you, Undertaker. You appreciate that, don't you?

Of course.

As a professional, I mean.

I understand your position, Mr. Mannix.

Now, I can kill you quickly or... Crudely.

Very crudely.

What do I do to be accorded this mercy killing of yours, Mr. Mannix?

Not very much, Mr. Price.

I'd like the name of your contact at the home office.

I also want to know how you get in touch with him.

And I want to know what system of nullification you use.

Nullification?

That what you call it?

Yes.

Sentimental, aren't you?

I prefer nullification to murder or rub out or hit or whatever other words the

organization used when it was founded.

Is Rudolph your contact?

No. Who is he?

Come on, Undertaker, tell me his name.

I'll tell you, photographer, not because you scare me with any threats of a

lingering death.

I have nothing but contempt. I don't care why. I just want you to tell me.

I'll tell you because the conduct of the home office in this transaction

happens, in my opinion, to be very unethical. Oh, well, I agree with you

that. Out of line.

Inexcusable. And even more important, Undertaker, it's bad for the morale.

Exactly.

A business depends not only on loyalty between organization and man, but

man and man, am I right?

Oh, you hit it, Undertaker.

Now, tell me your contact's name. Ernest.

Ernest, that's all?

No second name?

No.

How do you get paid off?

We meet in the park, usually around closing time.

How do I recognize him? He carries a newspaper under his arm, open to the

obituary page.

And what method do you use?

Knife, usually, like I said.

Sometimes fire.

With fire, the arson covers up the evidence of the... nullification.

Thank you, Undertaker.

Well, with that information, I should be able to have a little fun at the

expense of the home office.

Is that what you want, a little fun?

Well, I thought it might amuse you, too.

My ghost, maybe. Well, there are some things we just have to enjoy when we're

dead. Perhaps.

On the other hand, maybe I won't be dead.

Congratulations, Undertaker. That's pretty good.

The organization is losing a very competent man.

I'll try and make this quick.

Ernest?

Did you say Ernest, young man?

Yeah, Daddy.

Cut that off, will you? I can't hear you.

Who sent you?

He was a real drag.

Funeral, eh?

Lucky it's not his own.

Oh, you can encore that, Danny.

Here.

This is for your uncle.

Do you understand?

Mm -hmm.

And don't lose it.

Mm -mm.

Um, tell your uncle I've wired the home office.

They'll be very pleased with his, uh, performance.

Now, can you remember that?

Mm -hmm. Yeah, Daddy.

Yeah.

The home office, and I'll tell my uncle.

Hire him.

Don't you think you'd better put that envelope away?

Uh -uh.

Daddy, it's Wade.

In line with the recommendations of the National Board, as outlined in your memo

of the 27th, the following results...

Yes,

Miss Whiting?

There's a long -distance call, Mr. Rudolph, from San Francisco.

Who is it?

Gentleman wouldn't give his name. Will you take it?

Yes, I'll take it.

Jonathan Rudolph speaking.

This is the photographer.

Cisco calling.

Sylvia?

Yes, this is Sylvia.

How are you?

Honey, it's me. It's Arthur.

Did you recognize my voice?

How did you do it?

Here.

That's Mr. Price.

You know, I think I'll try color the next time.

The newspaper said that your studio burned down.

Yes, a pity too.

I had a great darkroom.

They also said that you were in the studio when it burned.

Obviously a mistake.

That was my friend, Mr. Price. He was in the undertaking business.

Of course.

Of course you were in San Francisco.

Exactly. Where I called you from and what I told the police.

You went to the police?

Oh, I had to. I couldn't very well let the police think that I was dead, could

I? What did you tell them?

That Mr. Price had a girlfriend and that...

He couldn't very well entertain her in his undertaking parlor. So you lent him

your studio.

Uh -huh.

Too bad you had to lose it.

Well, it was insurance.

I suppose you went to the insurance company as well as the police.

First thing this morning.

Lucky you were in San Francisco. You might have been on that fire.

Oh, I'm very careful, Rudy.

Not like Price.

Of course, he usually was careful.

Except this once.

The once is enough.

I suppose you have a very good friend in San Francisco who will confirm your

visit. In case the police or the insurance company check.

Oh, very good friend.

I see.

Well, I'll pass this on to the accounting department.

Oh, I suppose you want the rest of your payment?

Well, I do need it.

Business?

I'm getting married.

When?

Pretty soon now. One more assignment, you do it.

Nine thousand.

Oh, it's all there, Arthur.

I trust you, Rudy.

You know, Arthur, I might be able to hurry those wedding bells.

Do you mean the home office is giving you a new assignment for me? No, no, no.

This isn't for the home office. This is personal. For me, Arthur, it's just the

job you...

Do for me.

Oh?

65 is going to be a big year in our business.

The organization is streamlining, eliminating Deadwood.

This is the time to move ahead.

Go ahead, I'm listening.

Yeah, well, what is success, Arthur?

It's a ladder.

How do you climb it?

One rung at a time.

I'm ready to move up that one rung, Arthur.

So am I.

So am I.

We'll move up together.

All right, Arthur?

Same rate.

That'll give me the exact amount I need to get married.

This one isn't like Price.

This should be easy.

This one's a fool.

Oh, darling.

Daddy would have been so happy.

Well, don't cry, baby. Look at it this way. Hadn't been for old Eddie, we

wouldn't be here.

Who says this program doesn't have heart?

Arthur and Sylvia lived happily ever after.

She in San Diego, and he in San Quentin, one of California's finest prisons.

There his roommate turned out to be Mr. Rudolph.

It was rather sad to see Arthur's career cut short.

By the time he was apprehended, he was only one heartbeat away from a vice

presidency.

A further note about football.

A gunshot usually signals the end of the game, which is where we are now.

Oh dear, we shall have to get a new referee next time.

Good night.

This marathon is certainly going to be murder on the competition, providing you

an escape plan from all the deadly dull weekend TV other networks poison the

airwaves with. Stay tuned for Alfred Hitchcock all weekend long, only on TV

Land.