Original subtitles

Good evening, dear patients.

Just a little wider, please.

That's quite wide enough. You see, I suffer from acrophobia.

Now, let's see.

Some of my patients are inclined to get

nasty.

Fortunately, I keep both hands completely anesthetized while I'm in the

I admit this makes for some rather sloppy work, since my fingers aren't

deft as they might be, but I save a great deal of suffering.

And while we are on that subject, perhaps we should pass the Novocaine

This next minute promises to be rather painful.

Send him in.

Five minutes. Five minutes is all I can give you.

Got a date to meet Wilton Stark at 10 o 'clock. Oh, dear Mr. Stark.

I suppose the object of your meeting is to discuss a new account executive for

the Holmwell account?

You guessed it.

Well, I gave you the facts last week, Harrison.

Stark wants you off the account and that's all there is to it. You and your

group haven't come up with a good advertising idea for a safe in years.

minute. Give me a look.

Over here. Let me show you. Now look at this.

Six months of work and not one campaign sold.

Stark says you just don't understand the safe business. And with this new safe

that he has coming out, he wants to be sure. Chief, that is exactly why I'm

here.

I have an idea that is going to revolutionize the promotion of safes.

Harrison, we've been all through this before.

Not through this bale of hay we haven't.

Chief, I have found the needle.

And I am going to stick it right in the salesman.

This is the greatest safe advertising idea you ever heard. Oh, just let me get

this one off the launching pad, Chief.

This new safe they're putting into orbit. What's it called?

The 801 burglar proof.

Ah, that's right.

The 801 burglar proof.

What's this?

Look at it.

I'm supposed to know this man?

You'll get to know him, Chief.

Because he's my candidate for the first 801 testimonial.

Read it.

Out loud, if you please.

Sammy the Touch Morrissey.

You mean you want to put him in a Holdwell ad?

Chief, what good is a testimonial from a satisfied user?

Now there is a man who really knows whether or not a safe is burglar proof.

The best safe cracker in the business.

Are you serious, Harrison?

Well, of course I am.

Don't you get it, Chief?

We'll hire Sammy Morrissey himself to try to crack the 801 in public.

With reporters, the works, everything.

Imagine the publicity.

Think of the ad campaign.

But if the man's in jail... He's out.

Paroled a year ago.

Crime -wise, he's been a good boy ever since.

He still has the know -how.

I mean, if he can't crack open the 801, who can?

I can't call it a bad idea.

Tell the truth, Chief. It's a blockbuster.

Let me talk to Stark.

See what he thinks of the idea. I'll tell you right now. He'll love it.

Yeah? Mr. Morrissey, I am Harrison Fell.

I called you yesterday.

Oh, yeah.

Come in, Mr. Phil. Thank you. Thank you very much.

This is my daughter.

Dorothy, this is Mr. Phil. How do you do? How do you do? I didn't quite

understand what she meant on the telephone.

You know about that business proposition?

Well, I understand, but it's not very complicated at all.

You see, I work for an advertising agency, Blitz and Bakersfield.

We have a client, the Holdwell Safe Company.

They have a new product, which they feel is completely burglar -proof.

We want your help in proving their claim valid.

Oh, um, Dorothy, do you want to get me and this gentleman some coffee?

Oh, yes, Daddy.

I don't want to talk about safe cracking in front of her. You understand how it

is. That's perfectly all right, but I can assure you that there is nothing

illegal about this.

Police -wise, it's absolutely legitimate.

You see, we feel a man of your...

I'm trying to live that down, Mr. Fell.

I'm an entirely different line of work now.

Sammy. May I call you Sammy?

Yeah.

You know what an advertisement is, don't you?

Yeah, I read ads all the time.

Well, that's all we're talking about, Sammy.

We want you to appear in the advertising for the Holdwell Safe Company.

We want your testimony.

Testimony? Now, look, Mr. Fell, I... Now, wait. No.

Not like in court.

We want you to endorse the Holdwell safe.

You will go around telling people that you tried to crack the 801 safe and

it absolutely burglar -proof.

Oh, Mr.

Fell, no safe is burglar -proof.

How's that? Well, there ain't no such thing.

I mean to say, if you got enough time and the tools, you can bust any box.

Anyhow, I'm not interested.

I'm an entirely different line of work now.

Sammy.

Now, please try to understand.

We are willing to offer you $500 just to try and crack open the

801.

We'll give you three hours to do it in.

Use every trick you know.

There'll be plenty of witnesses, reporters, cops.

Cops? Just as witnesses.

To make sure your effort is genuine.

The 801 isn't a very big save, Sammy. It's about two by two by four.

But it has a new time lock mechanism, and the Holdwell people feel it's

completely burglar -proof.

They are so sure that you can't crack the safe that they're going to make it a

real challenge.

They'll put an envelope containing $50 ,000 inside the safe.

If you can crack the safe,

The money is yours.

Oh, Mr.

Fell, you're kidding.

No.

Fifty grand just for cracking a box of crackers.

We have a box of crackers in the kitchen.

Would you like some crackers with your coffee, Mr. Fell? No, thank you. I'm not

hungry. Well, I am.

Dorothy, will you start fixing supper? I'm hungry. Sure, Daddy.

Go on, Mr. Fell.

You were saying something about 50 grand?

Well, they claim it's burglar proof. I mean expert proof.

But if you have sensitive fingers, any tumbler will tumble for you. Of course,

once remember a tumbler that wouldn't tumble for me.

It was a L 'Oreal tumbler.

I met her on... May I have one of those?

I'll tell you. This is a... I

see

you're admiring our 801.

Notice this.

Notice how gently the dial turns.

And this, my dear, is the new time lock mechanism.

The thing of true beauty.

Safe wise, that's the best there is.

Yes, Harrison really had a brainwave.

We're going to make advertising history tonight.

You better.

Looks like a good turnout, all right. Did all the newspaper people show up?

Every single one of them. I tell you, W .S., coverage -wise, we've got it made.

I just can't wait to get the 801 off the launching pad.

Harrison, please.

It's almost 9 o 'clock. Don't you think we'd better get started?

Oh, yes, yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Your attention, please, ladies and gentlemen.

Young lady, would you please step over here?

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your kind attention, please? Ladies and

gentlemen!

I want to thank you all for this splendid turnout.

I know you'll all be glad you came this evening, so without further ado, let me

introduce to you the honored guests of the evening.

In this corner, at 2 ,370 pounds, the Hallwell 801, the world champion

burglar proof. And in this corner, ladies and gentlemen,

at 150 pounds, Sammy the Touch Morris.

Safe -cracking -wise, Sammy holds the world's record in every division.

But the Holdwell Corporation believes that the 801 safe will defy

Sammy's best efforts.

So strong is their belief in this burglar -proof safe that they are

make this amazing challenge.

In this envelope, ladies and gentlemen, is $50 ,000.

$50 ,000.

Mr. Grady, would you please step forward?

Would you please examine the contents of the envelope?

Is the money all there?

$50 ,000.

Mr. Grady, if you will please, open the safe.

Would you place the envelope inside

the safe?

Now would you close the door of the safe and set the time mechanism for 9 o

'clock in the morning?

All set, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen, the gauntlet is thrown.

The die is cast.

The Holwell Corporation hereby challenges Sammy, the Dutch Morrissey,

to try to open the 801 safe before 12 o 'clock midnight, which is only three

hours hence.

And if Mr. Morrissey succeeds, The contents of the 801 are his exclusive

property.

Are you ready, Sammy?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Mr. Grady, would you please bring forward the tools that Mr. Morrissey

requested?

Will Mr. Morrissey please examine the contents of the table and see that

everything is ready?

I already checked it.

Do you have everything?

Bits. Bits.

Drills. Drills.

Chisels. Chisels.

Levers. Levers.

Hose. Hose.

Settling gas containers.

Settling gas chambers.

Explosives. Explosives.

Then, gentlemen, we can blast off.

It's all yours, Sammy.

May the best man win.

Harrison, you don't think we made a mistake? You don't think he might

open that? Oh, he couldn't, Chief. It's guaranteed.

It is guaranteed, isn't it, Mr. Sark?

Don't worry about it. He'll never be able to crack that baby.

You look very confident.

That drill won't get in any place.

That metal is centrally forged and it's eight inches thick.

He had me worried there for a minute.

Relax, Bliss.

I'm not worried. Why should you be? Yeah, Chief, relax.

Relax.

Have a drink, Bliss? No, thanks. I'll have a drink when this is all over. I'll

join you, W .S.

Well, gentlemen, here's to crime.

Thank you.

boy's really in trouble now he's used just about every trick in the book

explosives that's about all he's got left

You think I'd better clear the room, W .S.? No, no, it won't be much of a

concussion. Just tell everybody to stand back. You don't think you can really

blow that safe open?

Not with the amount of nitro he's using.

We've used ten times that amount several times in the laboratory, and it simply

won't work.

the exits, everybody. Everybody move back, please. Back.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please.

I want to thank everybody for their kind attention and patience.

I especially want to thank Sammy Morrissey for a gallant, gallant

Now, Mr. Wilton Stark of the Holdwell Corporation will present Sammy with a

in cash to the loser's share.

Here you are, Sammy, with the best wishes of the Holdwell Corporation.

Thank you. And now, Sammy, what is your considered opinion of my safe?

It's discouraging.

About all I can say, sir, you got a mighty fine box there.

Thank you, Sammy. How's that, folks?

Sportsmanship -wise, huh?

Chief.

We certainly hit the jackpot last night, didn't we? I never saw Bolton Stark so

happy. Oh, wait till the publicity starts to break.

Good morning, Wilton. Good morning, W .S. We were just talking about last

Good morning, gentlemen.

I've just come from the Holdwell Warehouse. I wanted you two to be the

know.

When the time -lock mechanism on my safe opened this morning, we took a look

inside. And what do you think we found?

This.

The envelope we put in last night with $50 ,000, remember?

Of course.

When we opened it this morning, what we found was this.

Not money, just paper.

$50 ,000 has disappeared, Bliss, and it's coming right out of your hide. But

could it happen? How could such a thing happen?

Okay, let's go.

Oh, sorry, mister.

That's okay, miss.

Well?

Dorothy, that was pretty good.

But it could be just a little bit smoother.

Let's try it again, shall we?

Here, give me the envelope.

I'll look.

I'll put it in this pocket, right?

Are you ready?

All right.

Let's go, huh? Sure, Pop.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, mister.

Well, that's okay, miss.

There.

Hey, that's perfect.

You're going to be as good as your old man.

How about having a drink to celebrate? You want to mix me one of those

Sure, Pop.

Gee, I'm glad you decided to change your line of business.

Yeah.

Picking pockets is a lot cleaner than cracking safes.

Sometimes it pays pretty good, too. I should say so. Fifty thousand dollars.

It's only paper.

Why, that trick...

gave me some excellent suggestions for opening stubborn mouths.

Of course, Sammy's triumph was rather brief, but I think he deserves some time

off for ingenuity.

Perhaps the judge will agree.

Now we shall pause a minute for the filling to dry, after which I shall

If you need anything, just call.

I would like you to know that I was not defrocked.

a photograph of the Grand Canyon that did it.

The sight of that unfilled cavity left me with a feeling of complete

I shall return next week at the same time, and I see that you too have an

appointment. I hope you keep it. Until then, good night.