Original subtitles

Good evening and welcome to Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

The feature is about to commence.

Please don't be alarmed. We are not charging admission.

This is not pay TV.

As usual, all we ask is that on those occasions when you can't view our show,

that you let us know so that we can send it to someone else.

Please don't be a no -show.

This is not a hold -up.

I wish to dramatize the title of tonight's play.

Tonight's story is called Bang, You're Dead.

Despite the fact it has been introduced with my usual flippancy, it concerns a

very serious subject, and I would be doing it a disservice if I led you to

regard it lightly.

Now I must hurry into the theater, for I don't want to miss the beginning.

Fortunately, I have a minute to find my seat before the feature starts, for it

is preceded by an unselected short subject.

It's the management's way of discouraging those who might stay

one show.

Where'd you get it?

Birthday.

How many bullets you got?

A little box full.

There.

What a cheesy

gun. Can I try yours?

Nah. Please?

No, go on home.

Can't I get in the war?

too, Stevie.

This is our war, I told you. Go on home, Half -Pint.

Jackie, here's your Uncle Rick, home from the wars.

Well, I'd know him if I met him in the jungle. How are you, Jackie?

You got your own war on?

They want me in their war.

Oh, they won't, huh?

Boo!

Boo! Boo! Jackie, Uncle Rick was in Africa yesterday.

Wonderful gadget, the airplane.

Rick!

Hey, what's going on here? You think you're the only one that had trouble

the natives? Oh, brother.

What on earth is that?

Well, that is what the well -dressed witch doctor is wearing. It's always

something I picked up for you, June. You're home for good, really?

Well, it's a little tough to do business in a country that's blowing sky high.

Rick. Oh, thanks.

Ah, peace.

It's wonderful.

Now, that little item was all that was left.

Just one incident.

You might say that it had its bug back.

Bad, huh?

Well, there's no place for an innocent automobile salesman, I'll tell you that.

Going to sleep every night with a gun under your pillow.

It leads to a certain amount of insomnia.

Well, better days and nights.

Where is that Cleo? Nobody's even started the canopy.

Why don't you be here, honey?

Oh, I didn't do it now, partner.

So Rick is room Fred. I'd better call a Rick if you could have stayed on we

wouldn't arrest you into a party Maybe you can make friends and influence

people. Well, I've got a couple of connections up north, but I can be

right, where am I?

Wait on wild bill That

thing gives me the old -fashioned Willie

I must say I don't care for it next to the olives.

Conversation piece.

Bloodbath.

Here.

Have a transfusion.

No answer.

I should have told Cleo to come at a regular time.

But it's not a regular day.

Nope, I never did meet Tarzan. I guess he must live in another part of Africa.

Okay, fork over.

Okay.

There you are.

Gee, thanks, Uncle Rick.

You're welcome, Jackie.

Say, I've got a surprise for you that'll really knock your eye out, old fella.

You just wait a little after the party.

Can't I have it now?

Nope.

How's it going?

Okay between shakedowns.

Take a lot of time. Thanks. We've got to cheer Amy up. She thinks the maid's

falling down a manhole someplace.

Daddy, Uncle Rick's got a surprise for me. Well, he's a fine, decent, good

-hearted uncle. That's what he is.

Why don't you unpack for him?

After you.

Be right back, Jackie.

Well, I guess it's as good a way as any to work up the people.

I tell you, if you could just see it or hear it, you'd wish you were six years

old again shooting honest engines.

It's probably a museum piece.

No offense, but it probably ought to be in a museum.

How could she have left an hour ago and still not be here? It only takes her 25

minutes. Hands up! Of course I know how the buses are.

I just can't help being upset. I've got guests arriving in an hour.

Don't bother me, honey.

Yes, I know.

Jackie.

Please.

Well, let's just hope Cleo arrives soon.

Thank you so much. Goodbye.

No luck. She left an hour ago.

It's my fault. I should have picked her up. Don't fret, honey. I have limitless

confidence in Cleo. Honey.

What? I have the strangest feeling something's wrong.

Intuition. I don't know. I hope nothing's happened to her.

Jackie. Run along, honey. Go out and play.

Yeah, why don't you go outside and see if you can bring down a real live maid,

huh? Thanks for the surprise, Uncle Rick.

Surprise? He thanks me in advance. It shows you he has a very trusting spirit.

I brought him one of these, uh, mass size feather hands.

Still out in the car, isn't it? Well, you know, I wanted to give him the whole

picture. You know, old story type telling, Uncle.

You'd get him off with this western kick. I'll be glad for a change.

him up.

Now, just a minute, believer kid.

I'm not a rebel soldier.

I'm the United States mail, and it's against the law to shoot me.

What you want?

Nothing. I'm just practicing.

Tell you a secret.

The real big stuff's down at the post office.

Registered mail, jewelry, gold watches, money.

Money? I got a lot of money. See?

Uncle Rick gave it to me. I'm going to the store.

Well, great.

Run along now and buy yourself a 20 -cent bellyache.

I gotta crank up the stage and get going before the engines get me. Okay?

Sure. Bye, mailman.

Bye, Jackie.

I thought I'd give Amy a sneak preview, did I?

Something wrong?

Yeah.

Hey, you gotta speed it. What?

Dimes. In the slot there.

Right him, cowboy.

You're sure he isn't playing in your backyard, Judith?

All right.

No, no, I've called the Davidson.

Of course something's wrong. He's got his uncle's revolver with live

He thinks it's a toy.

Did you look at the gun he had? I told you, Mr. Chester, it's a cap gun. He

wanted to get in our war and I wouldn't let him. I told him to go home.

Then you didn't see him when he came out again?

No, sir. I was over at Gary's. I called everybody I could think of. No one's

seen him since lunch.

That settles it. We call the police right now.

I'm going to go call the police. The mailman said he saw him heading for the

supermarket. Climb in. Hurry.

The horsey's got a customer, can't you see?

Now, come on now, don't give Daddy a bad time. Come on.

How about it, friend?

Give us a fast ride. Just once around the corral.

I got here first.

I know, I know, but give us a break, huh?

You know how women are, and this one's murder.

I got here first.

I want to ride the horsey. Yeah, well, here.

Look, pal.

There. Will that make it right?

I got here first.

Daddy?

Come here.

Hey, that's my horse. I know, I know. And I'll put you right back on him in

a minute.

Horse thief.

Yeah, well, don't be too hard on me, Sheriff.

Here you go, darling. Out.

Okay. Run along, kid. Make the public library.

Keep out of mischief, huh?

See you on television.

George Webster on register seven, please.

Coming.

I know how busy you are, but I'm just beat down to a nub.

We should have got this done last week, but we just let it go and let it go. You

know the way to do it. What can I do for you? Oh, she's looking for cartons. Big

cartons. All the cartons we got are out back.

Oh, I saw those. They won't do. But you do have some in the back room that are

just perfect, except they're full of dog food or something.

Excuse me, please. Have you seen a... Just a minute, lady.

This is a true project. You see, we're all making puppets for the cat craft

fair. I'm sorry, but this is important.

So is this.

I said just a minute, lady.

They're for puppet theaters. We cut out the front. And then I've got to find my

little boy.

Check for the manager, please. At the desk, aisle six.

Excuse me. Just a minute, please. And I have your driver's license, please.

All right.

Take it to the cashier on number three.

Yes, ma 'am. Would you please make an announcement? My little boy is around

someplace with a... Jonathan?

Yeah? How many cases?

Hands up.

Oh, come now. You wouldn't shoot a girl, would you?

Sure I would. Watch.

How's that?

Mmm. More?

Mmm.

That's why you outlawed her so mean. You're always hungry.

Never saw an outlaw shoot anybody on a full stomach.

Now, you tell your mommy we have six different kinds of jiffy snacks.

All she has to do is open a can, okay?

Mm -hmm.

What's your name?

Jackie. Bye, Jackie. Bye.

Please, please, this is an emergency. I want you to make an announcement.

You want to ride this pony? You take your turn.

Your attention, please. We have a missing boy named...

He's

five years old, wearing a straw cowboy hat.

His mother is waiting here at the desk on aisle six.

Jackie Kester, five years old. Please send him to the desk on aisle six.

I just saw him down in aisle eight.

He was sitting right there loading his gun.

Boy, that's a real bullet.

Yes, it is.

Jackie! Jackie, this is Mother! Somebody's got throwing water in the

lot.

Jackie!

Any luck? He's out here somewhere. Somebody just saw him.

Come on.

Jackie! Did you hear that?

Over there.

Jackie! Jackie!

Where's everybody, honey?

I don't know.

Pick them up, Cleo.

I got no time to play games, sweetie pie. Your mother's probably fit to be

tired. Uncle Rick gave me this.

You can put bullets in it, just like Rio.

Did he tell you all about Africa?

Tarzan doesn't live there.

He moved?

I don't know.

He probably got himself all crippled up swinging on the trees the way he does.

Found himself a nice quiet cave and settled down.

Nobody will play war with me.

I'll play with you tomorrow.

Stick them up, Cleo.

You put that down, Jackie. I told you I can't play now.

Nate, Nate.

Why, you little rat galleon.

If I get my hands on you, Jackie, I bet I'll...

I thought I had my head examined.

That won't help us now.

I don't know what happened. My mind just went blank or something.

If anyone gets hurt, it's Jackie.

Sitting here crucifying ourselves is not going to solve anything.

Let's go call the police.

Take them out, Cleo.

Okay. You go ahead and shoot me.

You tell Mom?

Sure, I'll tell her.

I'll tell her how you parmed me with a cowboy gun and wouldn't mind me for foul

apples.

That's what I'll tell her.

I'll shoot you, Cleo. I'll shoot you.

It's all right with me.

I made my peace to Almighty.

Go on.

Blaze away.

Jackie!

Cleo! It's a real gun!

You're not hurt?

like that.

We need something to break the spell, and I have just the thing. I shall

you in a moment.

On rare occasions, we have stories on this program which do not lend

to levity.

Bang, you're dead is a case in point.

We only hope that this play has dramatized for parents the importance of

firearms and ammunition out of reach of children.

Accidents of this type occur far too frequently nowadays, and the tragic fact

that with proper precaution, they could be avoided.

That is all for tonight.

Please join us next week when we shall return with another story.

Until then, good night.