Original subtitles

Good evening.

You should have seen the one that got away.

The only one I've ever seen with gold Lamy scales.

I'm sure all of you are interested in the details of this catch.

It's really a matter of finding the proper bait.

I soon learned that these little creatures can tell cheap costume jewelry

sight and won't come near it.

you must bait your hook with the real article.

And sometimes they make off with the bait before you can reel them in.

However, that's a situation with which most of you men are already familiar.

Tonight's fable is entitled The Last Escape.

But first, something from which there is no escape.

Ready, Mr.

Ferlini. Ready!

Here, let me help you.

No, Tommy, not now.

They liked your husband and I, didn't they?

It's that kind of crowd.

They'll like you, too.

Thanks.

Tommy, I didn't mean that.

You know what I feel about you.

I mean about your singing.

Is that all you mean? Just my singing?

Tommy, please.

It's all right. He's in a stressing room. It's not all right. I've told you

that. It's never all right when he's around.

Look, when am I going to see you alone?

Please. You've got to give me an answer. I've got to go.

Hi, honey.

Oh, it was great tonight. Just great. What do you say?

It was the greatest.

I could have gotten out of steel boxes tonight. That's how good I felt.

Hey, did you get a load of that little guy who put me in the straitjacket?

He thought he was going to make it real tough on me.

You see how it was holding on those straps?

Those little guys, they're the worst.

It's a pleasure to fool them.

Would you look at that?

Look at that, honey.

Would anybody take me for 46 years of age? What do you say?

You're a Greek god.

Speaking of Greeks, I've been invited out to dinner tonight.

Harry's buying.

Not Harry.

He spoils my appetite.

To hear him talk, you'd think the estate business was dead.

Well, he should have been out there tonight.

He's no different.

Well, he booked into this joint. He ought to know whether it's dead or not.

And, uh, listen, Joe, tonight I'm with Harry. I don't want to hear any more of

that water business. You understand? I'm sick of hearing about it.

Ah, you're getting old, Rhonda. That's your trouble.

That water trick's the best idea I ever had. It's going to make me a headliner.

Yeah, don't you talk to me about age.

You know, kid yourself, Joe.

A trick like that water trick might prove too much for you.

No kid, huh?

I see ten new wrinkles on your face in the last week, sugar.

You look at yourself lately?

Go on, take a look.

Here, use a mirror.

I'll go look at yourself.

Go on, take a look.

Stop it, Joe.

Who you calling an old man, huh? I'm younger than you, I understand, because

keep in shape.

Don't you go calling me a...

Not everybody.

Ah, shut up. Get dressed.

I know Houdini's dead.

Only I'm alive.

Me, Joe Fellini.

That's one thing about you, Joe. You never had any trouble with any false

modesty.

What could Houdini do that I can't?

I work with ropes, chains, irons. I can get out anything.

Sacks, bags, hampers, trunks.

I can do all the handcuff routines.

And I still do the fastest straight jacket escape in the business.

Besides, you know, Houdini used to use a lot of trick stuff.

And you don't?

Sure, sometimes.

I got my skeleton keys, phony bolts, all that junk.

But you know, Harry, I do most of my tricks with muscles, right? Sure, sure,

Joe. You're the greatest.

I keep in shape.

Ask Wanda here.

I work out an hour a day with the barbells. I still got great chest

I can do that water trick. It'll be the greatest.

But it's been done, Joe. That's what I've been trying to tell you.

People don't get excited about that kind of stuff anymore.

You drink too much, Harry.

Your brain's soft.

Sure, that trick's been done, but that was years ago.

There's a whole new generation today.

All you gotta do is handle that publicity right now and be a sensation.

Harry, what do you say?

Okay. How do you want to work the act?

I expand, they tie me. I relax, the rope falls off.

I got a skeleton key in the seam of the pants.

Soon as I get the handcuffs off, I reach into the pants, get out a razor blade,

cut myself out of the sack, get out of the false bottom of the trunk, and go to

the surface of the lake like a cork. It's a cinch.

Yeah? How good a swimmer are you? The greatest. You don't have to worry about

that. When I was a kid, I was gonna swim the English Channel.

That's how good I was.

Well, we could put you over in a motorboat, pick you up the same way.

lessen the risk. That'd be easy.

I know you'd see it.

Well, I don't see it.

Sounds to me like a ticket to the graveyard.

Why, you're wrong, honey. This is a ticket to the big time. Right, Harry?

Maybe. We'll have to see.

Tell me, what are you doing here? Wanda, I had to see you. I thought I told you.

I know Joe isn't here.

I saw him swimming in the lake.

What's all this swimming about anyway? He's taking it awfully seriously.

He's getting in shape.

He's going for a long swim.

What?

Tommy, you shouldn't be here.

You don't want any trouble, neither do I.

I didn't come here for trouble.

What did you come here for?

I didn't think I had to tell you.

Wanda, you've got to leave him.

It's getting worse all the time.

You don't know what it's like.

Every year.

Every day.

All he thinks about, night and day, is the act.

Escape, escape, escape.

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy, Tommy. I mean it.

When we were in Louisville last year, I went to a head shrinker for a while. Do

you know that?

Three months it was.

And he got that job in Vegas.

That was the end of that.

Ask me, he's the one that's crazy treating you the way he does?

No, he thinks about escaping his sleep sometimes.

No kidding.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, he throws off the covers and takes a

Would you do me a favor?

Certainly.

Would you put these on?

Please.

Now try and get loose.

Of course you can't.

Neither could Joe.

If he didn't have this hidden on him someplace.

Now try it.

The key.

It won't turn.

No, of course it won't.

It's the wrong key.

This is the right one.

You know that water trick he does where he gets thrown into the lake?

Yes.

Well, he's going to do it in a couple of weeks.

That's what he's practicing for now.

And you know what I've been hoping and praying for ever since he decided to do

it.

You better go now.

In case he comes back.

everything's all set?

I don't want anything to go wrong.

I'm always all set.

You sure you feel okay, huh?

Never better.

How about a little kiss, honey, for good luck?

Yeah, should you?

Chief Wallace, I'd like you to meet the great Verdeen.

Verdeen?

This is Mr. Ralph Crimmins, president of the local chamber of commerce.

Frank Petty of the Tribune.

And you've already met our motorboat pilot, Mr. Dave Brooks.

Well, let's get started. It's a bit warm, and I'm ready for a dip.

Chief Wallace, do you have the handcuffs?

Yes, I have them right here.

Now, Chief Wallace, you've examined these handcuffs. Are you sure they're

genuine? Oh, they're genuine, all right.

Then will you place them on, please?

May we have the rope, please?

Now, will you gentlemen tie this rope around the body of the great Fellini and

make as many knots as you wish?

I warn you, Mr. Fellini, I used to be a boy scout.

Now, Mrs. Perlini, may I have the sack, please?

Now, will you gentlemen lift the great Perlini onto the sack, please?

Now, pull the sack up over his head and fasten

the top securely.

And now, we have the trunk.

Now, you gentlemen have examined this trunk and tested its locks. Is that

correct? The lock is okay, but why do you have all these holes in the trunk?

A good question. The holes are there to make the trunk sink faster.

Satisfied?

Okay. All right, then. Will you gentlemen lift the great Fellini into

please?

Chief Wallace?

Chief Wallace?

Will you secure the lock, please?

Well, now, are you gentlemen satisfied that the great Ferlini is securely

in this trunk?

We are.

Then we are ready to put him aboard the motorboat.

Give us a hand, Dave. Sure thing.

Sure hope they know what they're doing.

This all right, Mr. Miller?

Yes, this will do fine.

All right, Dave.

Let's get this trunk overboard.

Yes, sir.

There he goes.

He's not coming up, Mr. Miller.

Gotta come up.

He's got to.

He's not coming up.

Dear friends, we are gathered here today to consign the mortal remains of Joseph

Martin Fellini to the earth which bore him.

Who can say that Joseph Fellini, in his last moment of earthly glory, was not

happy in this choice which was made for him by the almighty arbiter of life

and death?

Is this the Fellini funeral?

Why, yes, but... I'm sorry to break this up, Reverend, but I'm from the county

coroner's office.

I'm afraid the funeral services can't continue. We have orders to attach the

body of Joseph Fellini. But surely... What's the matter?

Something wrong?

I'm sorry, ma 'am. Are you Mrs. Fellini?

Yes. But we have a court order to attach your husband's body. The coroner wanted

me to make a further examination.

I'm afraid I'll have to open the coffin.

Open the coffin?

Yes, at the caretaker's cottage.

We'll make the examination there.

Would you gentlemen please pick up the coffin and follow me?

Thank you, gentlemen. I'll call you when I need you.

I'm sorry, you must go too.

you gotta understand how it is in my business.

Everything is showmanship.

Everything.

And that's why Ferlini made this deal with me.

And just what was this deal, Mr. Miller?

Well, nobody knew about it but him and me.

It was crazy, I told him that.

But he made me promise him that if anything ever happened to him, if he

die, that I would arrange a last escape.

Something that would make him be remembered longer even than Houdini.

And that's all it was, a trick.

A trick?

Well, I slipped the undertaker 50 bucks, and he arranged to have him buried

someplace secretly.

Then he put an empty coffin under the hearse.

And that guy from the coroner's office, he was a phony, too. Just an actor I

hired.

See what I mean?

Showmanship.

I see.

But I'm afraid that your showmanship has had quite an effect on Mrs.

Fellini. That's the unfortunate part.

Yeah.

Well, I feel pretty rotten about that, Doctor.

Can I see her?

I'm sorry, Mr. Menon, but that's impossible right now.

Yeah, well, I understand.

Well, remember, Doctor, if there's anything I can do... Thank you, Mr.

Thank you.

Mrs. Fellini, I really would try and rest if I were you.

You must remember that things are always much better than they seem, that this

is the best of all possible worlds, that every cloud has a silver lining, and

that it is darkest just before the dawn.

I tell you this not because of what you have just experienced, but for what you

are about to see.

I suppose you're wondering what became of my catch.

The game warden insisted I throw her back in because her measurements didn't

meet specifications.

In order to keep them, they must be larger than 36, 22, 15.

And of course, it's quite difficult knowing precisely where to take that

measurement.

Next week I shall be back, so let us hope I have some more luck in the

Until then, good night.