Original subtitles

Good evening.

No, we're not preparing a barbecue.

I consider outdoor cooking rather uncivilized.

Tonight we hope to revive one of the truly inspiring ceremonies of ancient

times, the Aztec human sacrifice.

I think it's regrettable that in the hustle and bustle of this modern age,

lost sight of some of the fundamental values

and neglected some of the beauties of ancient times.

For this event, we thought it would be only fair to become an audience

participation program and choose the victim from our own loyal viewers.

The winner will receive many prizes, including a free trip to Hollywood

one way.

Our story begins in a moment.

But first we present what I'm certain will someday be shown as an example of

folk art of the 1950s, used to drive evil spirits out

of the home.

Louis.

Honey.

Louis. Louis.

Louis.

Louis. Louis.

No. I know her.

Thanks, Louis. That's enough.

What's going on? Louis.

What's happened?

She flipped her wig, came at me with a knife. Hey, Jeff.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Thanks to Louise.

Oh, if not for him, she would have got me.

I had no strength. She came at me like a wildcat.

Must be fever.

She must have caught the fever.

Fever, yeah.

That's it.

She's really out.

Come on, Louise. We better get her back to her room.

I'll tie her up.

Tie her?

Yeah.

Okay, I guess so.

But be gentle here, huh?

I come back quick, senor. It's your arm.

Never mind the arm.

How is she?

She talk.

What does she say?

She say, I no kill him.

Why you not let me kill her?

Because she sick.

She sick.

It does things to your head, I know. I got it and I lay here thinking all sorts

of things.

She no good.

Better I kill her.

You Indians.

We don't kill people who are sick in the head.

We cure them, see?

We cure them in the head.

She hurt you.

I don't let anyone hurt you, senor.

You'd make a wonderful mother if I was looking forward.

Senor, where you go?

You go bad.

You...

Mind your business.

Are you comfortable?

Fine.

I won't expect to keep you like this the rest of my life.

Was it a dream?

Did you wake from a bad dream or something?

I'm sick.

Sure, I know.

If this place is a jungle, I shouldn't have brought you here.

You'll be all right in a week or so.

Do I... Do I have to stay like this a week?

No, baby.

You don't have to stay like this if you feel... Very...

You do remember what you've done to me.

I was sick.

I didn't know what I was doing.

Sure, I know.

I'm not blaming you.

I wouldn't be sitting here if I thought you wanted to calm me up like that.

I'll tell you what we'll do.

I'll untie your hands and we'll get seated. She'll sit with you until you're

better, huh?

Sure, that's it.

The best thing.

You're looking better already.

That look in your eye.

It's gone.

You should have seen yourself.

I never thought that I'd live to be scared by a woman.

But you sure scared me.

Better, huh?

You go to sleep, but we'll talk in the morning, huh?

Everything will seem better then.

You want something? Some water or a cold drink or something, huh?

Cheetah, come here.

Don't worry about it, honey. In a couple of days, we'll forget all about it.

Cheetah!

Oh, don't cry, baby.

She shouldn't be drinking with that fever.

Why don't you go back to bed?

I've got to talk to someone before I flip to her.

Well?

How was she?

Quiet.

I... I untied her.

Why'd you do that?

Cheetah's with her. She'll watch her.

Mike, you've got to help me.

I can't work things out for myself.

Why me? Why me of all people?

All right, so she's got a fever. All right, maybe.

But there must be something else than that.

What do you mean?

Well, Mike... She wanted to kill me, Mike. Why?

I'm not a doctor.

Did she say anything to you when you took her back to her room?

Yeah.

She said she was sick.

That's all, huh?

Nothing about me?

She asked me how you were.

Oh.

She was worried then, huh?

Yeah, I guess so.

But she was in a state of shock.

Yeah.

That makes the two of us.

Didn't she talk to you?

Not a lot.

There's got to be a reason, even a dopey one, why a dame would want to kill a

guy that she loves.

Well, one reason might be she doesn't love him.

Mike, you got to help me.

What could I do?

Maybe you should let Luis put his knife into her.

Don't talk like that.

I'm sorry.

If that's all the help there could be, then get out of here.

I said I'm sorry.

You always hated her, haven't you?

No, I don't hate her.

That's the cause of it. It's this godforsaken place in you, always

like she was some dirty little... From the very start, you was against her.

I was against you marrying her, that's right.

You asked me if you shouldn't, I said no.

Well, if you didn't want my opinion, you shouldn't have asked for it. You never

even give a chance.

What kind of a chance does she give you tonight, huh?

Where would you be now if it weren't for Luis?

What are you, a saint or something?

You don't have to be a saint to know when someone is sick and needs help.

There's only one thing to do.

Yeah? What's that?

She needs to see a doctor.

A doctor?

That's 200 miles down a river.

I don't care if it's 1 ,000 miles. I don't care about anything except that

gets well again.

A doctor in Salona's so drunk all the time, he couldn't cure a cough.

Yeah, I know, but he can put us under somebody in bail.

She needs help in her mind.

That's the psychiatrist you're talking about. Yeah.

She's been acting kind of strange lately, this place.

Mike, I want you to take her there.

Why me?

I'd go myself, Mike, but in my condition, I could never make it.

Oh, no.

You hired me to find oil, not act as a nurse.

Mike.

Mike.

I'm asking you a favor.

Why not Luis?

He can take her.

Luis will do, too, but you gotta take her.

Why both of us?

One's enough.

Luis knows the river and the people. You can't risk anything with these natives.

Imagine him, he'd be lost in the city looking for a psychiatrist.

What about Marie?

How's she gonna react?

What are you gonna say to her?

We've decided you're out of your mind and you gotta see a head shrinker. Huh?

No, she'd never go.

You don't have to mention it.

Just say she's gone to a doctor.

So I gotta break the news to her, too, huh? Please, Mike.

If I told her, she'd think that I was trying to get rid of her.

If it ever occurred to you, if she went downriver, she might never come back.

Oh, no, she'll come back.

I know what you think of her, and I know what she was.

But I... Pulled her out of that place and I married her.

If I strike oil, she'll have money to burn.

Why shouldn't we come back?

We've got no place better to go back to.

You don't know much about women, do you, Jeff?

I only know that she's the first one that ever made me feel like I wasn't

something that crawled out from under a stone.

She made me feel like somebody.

Yeah, yeah, I know. You told me. Yeah.

You'll never know what it's like when all you got to do is smile at a dame to

get a look at it. Or if you're lucky, a laugh.

Marie was different.

I know she was paid to smile, but there was lots of others like her that I met.

And they never got around to it with me.

You may not think much of her, Mike, but she's all I got.

If I lost her...

I'd want to die.

Come on, Tiff.

Better get some sleep.

Look.

In the morning, after I've talked to her and she... If she feels better,

you know, sorry.

And forget about the head shrinker.

And give her another chance.

Sure.

Sure.

You talk to her and see.

Good night, John.

Good night.

Good night, senor Mike.

Good night.

Luis, what are you doing here? Go get some sleep.

No, senor. Luis, stay here.

Sleep well here.

Are you all right?

Why wouldn't I be?

How's the ape man?

He's still asleep.

I had a talk with him last night.

Must have been fun.

Murray, what made you do it?

He loves you, don't you know that?

Mm -hmm.

Apes are very affectionate animals.

Especially the other apes.

I just don't happen to be one, that's all.

Yeah, well, you should have thought of that before you married him.

Got into you all of a sudden.

I just feel sorry for him, that's all.

Why do you have to pick a girl like you to fall in love with?

You tell me.

He was right.

What about?

I do hate you.

I know.

But you haven't shown me yet this morning.

No. Relax, darling.

Oh, sweetheart.

Do you feel better?

Darling, Mike told me about the doctor, and I'll leave today.

Baby.

Not if you don't want to. No.

No, sweetheart, you're right. It's the only way.

Oh, Jeff, honey, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

The last thing I remember, Louise was holding me.

Oh, it all seems like such a bad dream.

Oh, don't think about it.

Just come back soon, huh? I will, I will, darling. Don't talk too much,

you have to get well, too.

I want you to know how thankful I am, Jeff, for your sending me away.

Take care of yourself, will you, sweetheart?

And thank you, too, Louise, for what you did. I won't forget.

And I'll make it up to you soon.

Si, senor.

Take good care of her.

Si, senor. I watch her well.

We stay here for one night, I think.

You wait, I look.

Luis, how long to get to Salon in the morning?

Three, four hours, maybe. It's easy river from now.

We'll lose him here.

How?

The same way he nearly lost me.

Why, Marie?

Why kill him?

We can lose him and bail him.

Just kid yourself. He's like a leech.

But we can get rid of him and bail him. It's a big city.

He knows what we're trying to do, and he's going to stop it.

What are you talking about? How could he know?

How could he know? In two days, he hasn't taken his eyes off us.

To make you feel any better, he just assumed kill us is looking.

No.

I don't like it.

If you don't, I will.

Okay, we stay.

Luis, Luis, I have money in the boat. You take it, but let me go.

No, Luis, no, Kildo.

I take you like Señor says.

You lucky I do what Señor wants.

Into boat.

Quick, walk.

Señor, come boat.

Come, Luis.

Oh, thank you, Marie.

Luis, alone?

Huh?

That can't be.

Luis.

What happened?

Bad thing, senor.

Where's Mike?

Senor Mike dead.

Dead?

How? I kill him.

He try kill me, so I kill him.

He dead?

What happened?

Senor Mike no bad man.

Foolish man.

He listen to bad woman.

Poor man, he weak for women.

Weak for fight, too.

What are you trying to say?

She bad woman.

She want to go away with Senor Mike.

That's a lie.

I do what you tell me. I take her to my people.

Best head shrinkers in the world.

Better than Balaam, Senor.

Best job in the world.

Of course there was a bright side to all this, for it was the beginning of a

marvelous new invention.

Instant girl.

All you do is add water.

And now in just one minute, I shall announce the winner of our contest to

a human sacrifice.

I am very pleased to announce that we have chosen our human sacrifice.

She is Mrs.

Stanley K.

Ladosky of Wentfield, New Jersey.

And, of course, we are already shipping the freezer, the automobile, and the

other prizes to our contest winner, Mr.

Stanley K. Ladosky, who submitted Mrs.

Ladosky's name.

Our thanks to both of you.

Now, until next time. week at this same time.

Good night.