Original subtitles

Good evening.

It is always pleasant to greet old customers.

As you know, I have always been a great believer that there is safety in

numbers, provided those numbers are preceded by dollar signs.

Working in a bank has also taught me a great deal about people.

most of them don't seem to be able to fill out our withdrawal slips properly.

Here is one I handled recently, a typical example.

He didn't even attempt to use our form, but made one of his own.

At the top, he has printed, This is our hold -up.

Below that is written,

put $5 ,000 in a brown paper sack and hand it to me.

He didn't even sign his name, but I honored it.

I recognized him as the president of the bank across the street.

Tonight's drama is concerned with a bank.

The commercial is about money.

That's what our sponsor makes you know.

Mr. Tate?

Sure.

Mr.

Logan?

Colonel Benz. Thank you.

Hmm.

Pam looks awfully fat this morning.

Mrs.

Merrill? Mrs. Merrill.

There's something wrong with this egg.

I beg your pardon, Colonel Ben? This egg is fertile.

Well, really, Colonel Ben.

Would you mind getting the doorbell? I'm sure it's the telegram for Mr.

Tritt.

Could it be from your bank, Mr. Tritt?

Possibly they want to make you president.

Mr. Logan.

If that is another telegram from you, I shall slap your face.

When are you going to give me back my $200?

Mr. Logan, we had this all out ten months ago.

I did not steal $200 from you. You stole it and you know it.

Excuse me, Mr. Logan, we're both going to be late. I had $324 in my hand that

day. When you entered the amount in my account, it was $124.

Remember, Mr. Logan, my cash balanced when you came back and complained.

Of course it balanced.

You'd made a mistake in somebody else's account and then you used my $200 to try

to cover up your mistake.

You thought I was just an absent -minded professor and I wouldn't notice. Well,

I did notice, Mr. Tritt. I did notice.

Mr. Logan, I'm going to go a long, long way in the bank.

I cannot afford to make a mistake.

I'll get you, Mr. Tritt.

I don't like to be had.

Goodbye, Mr. Logan.

Goodbye, Mr. Tritt.

Always happy to be of service. Come see us again.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

Well, have a good Thanksgiving.

Yes, thanks.

I have some bonds I'd like to cash. Sure, come in.

Cashing in quite a few, aren't you?

Well, yes, my mother's in the hospital. She had an operation about ten months

ago. I've been sort of dipping into my bonds ever since.

Just a minute. I'll call Mr. Tritt. Mr. Tritt? Yes, he does that now. We moved

him up to the first cage.

Oh, he's an up -and -comer. He'll be vice president next.

Oh, Mr. Tritt, please.

Mr. Logan wants to cash some bonds.

Mr.

Tritt will be right with you.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I feel it.

Mr. Logan, I... I understand you have some bonds you want to cash.

Are you all right?

Yes.

Yes, I'm fine. You sure you don't want me to call a doctor?

No, I'm fine.

Mr. Logan, what is it? I've never seen you look so happy before.

Yes.

Yes?

Mr. Logan.

Mr. Logan, don't you want to cash your bomb?

I'll be back.

I'll be back.

Yes, sir.

I need a gun.

For what age, boy, sir?

Well, it's for me.

Oh, actually, I want a revolver. It doesn't have to shoot or anything. It

has to look real. It's for a play.

Have you seen these plastic guns?

Does that look real?

All you have to do is hold it in the palm of your hand. You can make anyone

believe.

Just hold it in the palm of your hand.

Mr. Logan, you want to cash those bonds now?

Yes, if you'd be so kind.

Very well, I'll get the bond shot.

Now, let's see, that's $3 .25. That's $67 .25.

Perhaps we'd just better double -check to be sure.

$67 .25 exactly.

Thank you, Mr. Tritt.

Now, there is one more thing you can get from me, Mr. Tritt.

What's that?

$10 ,000 in $20 bills.

$10 ,000?

You just go to your cage and get the money.

Oh, come now, Mr. Logan, can't...

Can't we just talk this over?

Put the money in a bag, bring it back, and put it here on the table.

All right, Mr. Logan, you just sit there. Just sit right there.

I'll get it for you.

Mr. Pinkerton, call the guard.

He's got a gun in his pocket. He's coming toward me.

I wasn't calling. The phone rang. It rang to me.

Just a minute. I'll put it in a bag.

Okay, put your hands up.

Careful, Lewis. He's armed.

Mr. Logan, I'm sorry about this, but Mr. Tritt tells me you have attempted an

armed robbery.

Mr. Tritt tells you?

Mr. Tritt, I fear, is suffering from some persecution complex.

Get his gun, Lewis.

Well, he don't have a gun, Mr. Tritt.

Of course he has.

It's right in his overcoat pocket.

I'll take it off, Mr. Tritt.

Mr. Tritt, are you quite certain you saw it? Because if you didn't, this is

rather embarrassing.

It's perfectly all right, Mr. Pinkton. I won't sue.

But here?

It's got to be here.

It's got to be here somewhere.

Mr. Pinkton, if you'd like to make a more thorough examination, I'd be

delighted. No, Mr. Logan, really, that's not necessary.

Glad to. I beg you, sir, pull up your suspenders.

I must ask you to return to your cage now, Mr. Tritt. You've created quite

enough disturbance.

I hope you won't make a complaint about this, Mr. Logan.

The Boston office would... Well, you know how they are in Boston about a

like this. Oh, no, I certainly wouldn't. After all, it was only some sort of

aberration. No, I certainly wouldn't. If a thing like this were to get around,

it could harm his career.

It could. It could indeed.

Well, I must say, that's wonderful of you.

Well, really, what could I do?

Christmas, you know.

You?

I might have known.

Mr.

Pinkton, could I have a few minutes off, please? I'm a little upset to my

stomach. Too much holiday cheer, Mr. Trent?

Mr. Logan's outside. I think he wants to catch some bombs.

Just a minute, just a minute.

I'm terribly sorry you've been delayed, Mr. Logan.

Mr. Tritt suddenly became unwell.

Did he imagine he saw another gun?

You know, ever since that little incident last month, he's changed.

I suppose once you've had an hallucination, you're always afraid it's

come back.

Now, what can I do for you? More bonds?

Well, I don't have any business to transact. I just thought I'd drop in to

if he was all right.

Terribly nice of you, Mr. Logan.

Mr. Tritt?

I thought I could drive you home.

Drive me?

Well, yes. I thought possibly with these spells you've been having, you

shouldn't drive.

I'm in excellent shape, Miss Logan.

Excellent shape.

You know, biologically speaking, that's the most interesting thing about nervous

breakdowns. What do you mean, the most interesting thing?

Or rather, I should say chemically speaking, because the chemistry involved

exactly the same as we find in the decay of meat.

The decay of meat.

Don't be late for supper tonight, Mr. Tritt.

Oyster stew, you know.

Oyster stew, everybody.

There should be seven oysters apiece, unless the cook ate one.

Could that be another telegram for you, Mr. Tritt?

Celery, Mr. Bradford.

Thank you.

Who took the heart?

I took the heart, Mrs. Bradford.

Oh. Well, you had the heart yesterday. I haven't had the heart for a month.

Well, it's for me.

Oh, how odd.

Only one oyster for me, Colonel Binns.

Only one oyster?

Yes, I'm still trying to learn to like them.

I was brought up not to read letters in the presence of others, Mr. King.

That's a telegram.

It can wait.

At least we might start the oyster crackers.

It seems as if we're not going to get the stew.

You know, that could be something important. It could be a death in your

Probably just a goodwill message.

Here's Christmas, you know.

Why are you so interested in Mr. Logan's business?

Because I know somehow it's for me.

He's haunting me.

Oh, come now, Mr. Trent. But he is.

Every day now he comes in and stands just outside my cage whistling Christmas

carols. He's hoping I'll make a mistake.

He's hoping I'll make a mistake in my figures and be fired.

That's what this is.

Part of some diabolical scheme to unnerve me.

Come now, Mr. Tritt.

People will start thinking you have some sort of persecution complex.

All right, then. I'll prove it.

Do you want me to prove it?

Then I won't.

I will, Mr. Tracy.

It's from Mother.

So sweet.

Poor dear.

Flattened her back in the hospital.

Displaced disc, you know.

Her teeth in a glass in the windowsill.

I beg your pardon.

Why would she keep her teeth in a glass on the windowsill?

Well, they need the sunlight.

We all need sunlight.

Good

morning,

Mr. Dickson.

Good morning, Mr. Logan. May I cash some more bonds? Why, sure.

Right here.

Lewis, shovel off the walk, will you? Yes, sir.

Mr. Pritt, Mr. Logan would like to catch some bombs.

Here we go again, Mr. Trade.

Now go to your cage, get the $10 ,000, put it in an envelope, and this time

bring it to me.

Put the envelope at the table.

Continue with Fonz.

Now, Mr. Tritt, if you make any signal at all before I get out of the bank,

put a bullet in you.

Right there.

Now get back to your cage.

Mr. Pinkston! Mr. Pinkston! Mr. Pinkston! Hold up! D. Lewis!

Lewis! Lewis!

It's Mr.

Logan! Mr.

Pinkston! I've got it!

Hooray! I've got it! It's Mr. Logan!

Go get it! We've finally got it! I've got it!

All right, put up your hands.

Well, gentlemen, here we are again.

He's got it. He's got $10 ,000 and 20s right in that bag. Please, Mr. Tritt,

don't start this again for your own sake.

That's the bag, Lewis. That's it.

Really, Mr. Pinkston, if I had robbed your bank, you think I'd be standing

here in front of it like an idiot?

He has a point there, Mr. Tritt.

Well, he has the money, Mr. Pinkston.

Mr. Logan, do you mind if we look in your bag?

No, no, indeed.

Please be, Mr. Logan, not in the street. I insist.

But, Mr.

Logan, it's practically zero.

It's not a question of temperature, Mr. Finkson. It's a question of honor. Mr.

Logan, I beg you.

It's in the snow.

He's hidden in the snow.

What a shame.

He was such a nightmare.

Lewis, call a doctor.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Finkson, do you think we could go back in the bank now and finish up with

the boss? Certainly, Mr. Logan.

Just let me take care of him.

Mr. Trist.

Mr. Trist.

Mr. Trist.

Terribly sorry you've been treated this way, Mr. Logan.

Shall we continue with the bombs?

The ham looks awfully fat this morning.

No eggs, thank you, Mrs. Merrill.

I hear Mr. Tritt's getting out soon.

Yes.

The psychiatrist says he's perfectly sane. He can answer every question they

him. Except where the money is.

Ah, he's a sly one, he is.

Oh, where's Mr. Logan?

He had his breakfast early this morning. Said he had some papers to prepare.

Dear Mr. Pinkston, I have a dreadful admission.

Some ten months ago, I made a mistake.

and to cover it, I took $200 from a customer's deposit.

This first crime led to my second crime, the stealing of $10 ,000, which I am

now returning by mail, minus, of course, the $200 for which I have made

restitution.

Sincerely, William.

Thank you, Lewis. And don't forget, that cash shipment from Boston arrives at

three.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Pinkton. Mr. Logan, what do you think has happened now?

Really? I can't imagine.

Well, yesterday, except for 200, we got the money back in the mail.

I called Mr. Tritt, of course, and you know he not only denied having taken the

money, he denied having returned it.

Oh, dear, he is confused.

Mentally quite unstable, I'm afraid.

Needless to say, we're dropping him.

almost everyone lived happily ever after.

Closing time is almost upon us. I must count up the money. You watch the

following, after which I'll be back.

Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the alternate ending to tonight's story.

Well, you pay your money and you take your choice.

I haven't been able to balance my books, so I'm taking my work home with me.

I'm very conscientious that way.

I hope you tune in next week when we shall have another story.

Until then, good night.