Original subtitles

Good evening, fellow creatures.

I've been working as an aeronautical engineer.

I'm developing safety devices.

Well, it was better than the last time.

For a moment, I thought I was out of a job.

Tonight's drama is called The Right Price.

For those purists who like to see the connection between my part of the

and the story, here it is.

Seven hundred and five dollars is my share of the net.

Did you hear?

Seven hundred and five dollars for me.

Five hundred and five.

My figures are correct.

I suppose you think I'm trying to cheat you out of two hundred.

I wouldn't put it past you. Let me see that.

We've got a seven instead of a three in the second column.

Seven instead of three.

Oh, you're a real lightning calculator, you are.

I was out of my mind to become your partner.

You wanted to buy in, I accepted. Business is business. And you've robbed

blind since the first day.

Say that in front of a witness and I'll haul you into court for slander. Get

your friends if you have any and I'll tell them.

Anytime you want to dissolve the partner.

Oh, sure, now that we're finally showing a profit at last, thanks to me.

Thanks to you, my foot.

When I think of that thousand dollars you loaned me. When nobody else would. A

ten percent interest, not even a loan shark would make me pay through the nose

the way you did.

Every company in town slammed the door on your faith.

You came to me. You begged and touched my heart. Heart? You mean that adding

machine under your ribs? Oh, shut up. I'm too tired to argue.

I'm going to bed.

You and your success.

And I believed you when you proposed to me. And I thought I was marrying a woman

instead of a comptometer.

Lucky for you, my first husband had a genius for business.

You mean lucky for him he had a genius for sitting by open windows or he'd

be married to you instead of being dead.

Turn off the light.

I want to read.

And you're just the sweet violet born to blush unseen.

You'll never get a cent of my money.

Did you hear?

Not one cent.

Yes, dear, I heard.

Not a cent.

Good night, Fort Knox.

I think I hear somebody downstairs.

Jocelyn, wake up.

Move an inch, and boom.

Take a seat, pal.

What?

Go ahead.

Take a seat.

I don't feel like sitting down at the moment, if you don't mind. Oh, that's

right. I'm easy.

Can't you steal what you want and get out of here?

Oh, I'm in no hurry, pal.

Well, I'm cold, and I'm sleepy.

Go ahead. Rob me and get out.

First, I want to ask you some questions.

What questions?

You're a businessman, ain't you?

I most certainly am. Then you know how important it is to do things

For instance, where do you keep the sterling silver?

In the dining room.

Lead the way, pal.

Junk. Anything else?

Over here.

Ah, too heavy.

Can't you take what you want and go? I'll get it later.

Let you and I sit down.

You're certainly a great one for sitting down.

My feet hurt. I do a lot of traveling, you know.

Hey, you don't seem to upset me robbing you. We're insured.

Oh, that makes it nice for all of us.

Can't talk business on these chairs.

How do you eat off them? They're so hard.

I keep telling my wife that.

Hey,

let's you and me go in the living room, light a light and have a little chat.

I don't feel like a chat.

Lead the way, pal, if you don't want to get hurt.

You give a lot of orders, don't you?

Now light the lamp.

Glad to make your acquaintance, Mr... Mort Bonner. I'm in women's apparel. Who

are you?

Just call me the cat.

I read that once in the story.

Call me the cat, the handsome burglar said.

What do you want to talk about?

A deal.

What kind?

Good deal for you, good deal for me.

I'm never opposed to a deal, if it's fair.

Well, all you have to do is help me with the good haul here, and we'll collect

the bundle from the insurance company.

You're a businessman, ain't you?

Highly successful.

Well, then we can do business like it's done all the time.

Honestly? No, not honestly.

I robbed a guy's house one night in Flushing, a real show place, and he

$5 ,000 more than I heisted.

Did he collect?

100 % successful.

For both parties concerned.

Hello? Who?

Oh, Mrs. Robinson.

No, there's nothing wrong. I just couldn't sleep one of those nights in

Well, thank you very much.

And good night.

One of the neighbors saw the lights, got worried.

We don't usually stay up this late.

Say, uh...

You got any smokes around?

The finest.

If you'd like a snack, we had roast beef for dinner. Never eat this late at

night.

Bad for the digestion.

Well, that's sensible.

You said a deal.

Yeah.

Take it off your income tax.

Robbery.

Say, is this worth anything?

No, a wedding present.

Idiot.

Is this real crystal?

I wish it was.

Just glass. My cousin Thelma gave that to us.

What have you got of value?

I don't want to drag a lot of junk out of here.

The fences ain't what they used to be.

Hey, you help me out, I'll help you out.

Is it a deal?

Well, generally speaking, yes. But until we discuss specifics, it depends on

what merchandise you take and how I can legitimately chalk it up as a loss.

You were right about the spoons and stuff.

Junk. Yeah.

We got that bunch of silver 15 years ago as a wedding gift from her family.

Terrible. Sure is.

Same thing happens to me.

You take my wife, Sister Bessie.

She'd say, have you got any cash in the house?

$50 at the most. Peanuts.

My wife's fur coat.

Mink? Costs $4 ,000.

Now, we're getting some less.

No, she put it in storage last week.

What about jewelry?

She doesn't like good stuff, just the flashy, cheap kind that has no value.

How'd you ever marry somebody like her?

We all make mistakes.

Mort?

Mort?

Yes, dear?

Who are you talking to at this hour?

Nobody. Nobody at all.

Well, you woke me up.

I put on the radio. Late news.

Well, what are you doing?

Doing?

I was hungry.

Well, don't eat all the roast beef.

I want it for hash tomorrow.

Go back to sleep.

And don't make a pig of yourself.

Go back to sleep. I'll be right up.

Now, let's get back to business.

Wait a minute.

I want to make sure she's going back to bed.

How am I going to make a deal with you when all you got is junk?

Let me think.

The only money we have is in the checking account.

No good.

I wouldn't stop payment. If it was me, would you take a check?

Not without proper identification.

I guess there's no deal, huh?

Wait a minute.

How about a check that would have to be good?

What do you mean?

Suppose I arranged it so it would be impossible for me to stop the check

getting myself in a real jam.

Well, give me the proposition.

You may not be interested, of course.

I'd need a real pro.

Oh, I've done more than second store your house.

I've been breaking an entrance as I was a juvenile. Got four counts against me.

Did a year in Leavenworth.

I need somebody with more scope.

I've done a lot of things.

What kind of things?

Worked in Emerson, Jersey.

Pulled a couple of hikes in the parkway.

I was thinking of someone who carried a gun.

What does this look like? A fountain pen?

I'd want it used.

Oh, you mean... Oh, well, I don't like to brag, but there's a few unsolved jobs

in the Middle West.

Yeah, I'd put a couple of guys away in my lifetime.

Then we've got us a deal.

Who do you want me to kill?

I assure you, if there were any other way of getting my wife to behave like a

human being, I wouldn't be suggesting such an extreme method.

No one knows better than me how stubborn a woman can be.

Do you? As a matter of fact, I can honestly say I never could understand a

woman.

They can be puzzling.

For instance, look at us now.

Warm and cozy.

And this night snack?

This roast beef's just as the spot.

Can I have another sandwich?

No, thank you.

That's what I mean.

You know, my wife would never fix me so much of the toasted cheese sandwich

after I got back from a long job.

Stubborn and grateful she was.

I didn't ask her for much.

Just a toasted cheese sandwich.

But not her. Make it yourself, she'd say.

And me after a hard night's work. My feet hurting.

Sometimes I'd be real tired, you know, from climbing over walls.

Sometimes a dog would chase me.

All I needed was a little bite to eat, you know, when I got home.

But would she make me a snack?

Not a chance.

How'd you ever get into this line of work?

I suppose I'm a night hawk.

There must be other ways of earning a living besides... Other jobs get

monotonous after a time. But with me, every locked door is an invitation.

To danger.

Every cop on the beat's an enemy.

It's the line of work to keep a man feeling young.

One night I make just a few bucks.

The next night I might latch on to a dime I bring worth a fortune.

It's the uncertainty of being a burglar that makes the job worthwhile.

I didn't mean to talk too much about myself.

Well, are you going to accept my offer?

I never knocked off a dime.

Don't mix sentimentality with business.

Women ain't my specialty.

I assure you there's no difference in technique between killing a man and a

woman. Give me a minute to think it over. How long do you need? You've

had a beer and a sandwich since I first made you the proposition.

Well, say for a moment that I agree.

The bedroom's upstairs, first door to the left.

She's not a very heavy sleeper from the way she yelled down. We were talking too

loud. By now, she's fast asleep. It would be easy to walk in and point a gun

boom.

Please. Would you like someone to tell you how to run your business?

I'm sorry.

Gun's too risky.

Firing a shot.

Besides, I never take a chance on a small job of robbery.

How would you do it?

Well, I tried strangling once.

That's a gamble.

I'll take your word for it.

The knives are too messy.

How about a pillow?

She sleeps on a goose -down pillow.

Good. You don't get a lot of yelling and screaming.

Fine. Then you hit me over the head, take a few things for whatever they're

worth. Yeah, but you haven't set a price yet. Make me an offer.

No. It's your wife.

Just a second.

How about $1 ,000?

You kidding?

I can't afford any more.

That's an insult.

All right, I'll get somebody else at my price.

Oh, you botch it up.

Messy.

Make it $2 ,000. After all, I'm making it easy for you. I deserve some kind of

discount. Oh, well, if you're looking for a basement bargain.

What's your price?

Five grand.

You can't be serious.

I got to live, too.

Have you bought food lately?

Inflation, world situation shaky?

And taxes. You know what I paid last year in taxes?

You pay taxes?

Sure. You think I won't wash it on my neck?

$3 ,500. Take it or leave it. I'll take it. It's a deal.

Stay where you are.

Put that gun away.

Why, hello, Joe.

Oh, I saw a light and wondered. You and your missus don't usually stay up this

late at night. A business friend of mine is discussing a deal with me, a very

big deal.

Oh?

I guess time isn't important when you come to discussing high finances.

Sometimes we don't reach a decision for hours.

You know, lately I've been wishing I'd been a businessman instead of a cop. You

don't know the worries, the headaches.

Oh, I'd be willing to have them and be sure of a nice fat bank book.

You know what I've got to show for walking that beat out there?

One uniform and a gold watch.

But, Joe, what would men like me do without men like you to protect us?

Oh, I just... Look, Joe, any other time, I'd be very happy to talk to you. Oh,

I'm sorry. I butted in. No, you were just doing your duty.

You know, there's been a lot of burglaries around the neighborhood

Uh -huh.

But don't worry.

I'll catch him. He'd have to be pretty smart to get away from you, Joe.

Well, thanks, Mr. Barney.

Well, I guess I'd better be going. And I'll be stopping by the precinct to tell

the captain what a fine job you're doing.

Well, thanks a lot.

Well, good night. Good night.

Oh, uh, how's the wife?

As usual.

Well, that's fine. I hope her health continues.

Thanks. Good night, Joe. Good night, sir.

I'm glad he called. It'll make me look even more innocent.

Ready? Coming with me?

Better not.

I'll wait down here.

Okay.

Good luck.

What's happened?

It's done.

It was easy.

Are you sure?

Look for yourself.

Jocelyn.

It's done, ma 'am.

The cheapskate, offering you only $3 ,500.

I'm sure glad you and I talked about it first.

So am I.

Make it out the cash.

$5 ,000.

I think the lesson that story teaches is if you want a job done properly,

do it yourself.

Naturally, Jocelyn and the burglar were caught.

Personally, I don't see anything shocking about a person being paid to

murder.

I do it every week.

But now I must do some more experimenting, which will take exactly,

minute.

Persons less tolerant than I might refer to that commercial as a hard

sell. However, the sell I think of in connection with that is a padded one.

I believe I have at last designed the perfect flying

machine.

As you see, it has its production problems.

It still has some bugs in it, and the workers on our assembly line are going

look rather odd sitting on all those eggs.

But I'm optimistic.

Now, I wish to thank all of you for your indulgence.

Next week, I shall be back with more of the same. Until then, good night.