Original subtitles

Oh, good evening.

I'm on vacation from the rigors of television and coming to you by remote

pickup. Our cameras are quite ordinary, but they are fastened to the longest

extension cords in history.

However, I find this vacation quite exhausting.

Shuffle boards simply cannot be played from the prone position.

Incidentally, the captain informs me that changing channels is not only

foolhardy but also extremely dangerous, so I don't believe you ought to try it.

I understand that in my absence you are to see a play based on the story, Dip in

the Pool.

Having said that, I now return you to our studios.

It has been said that the galleries of Florence House have the great paintings

of the world.

Just off the magnificent square known as the Piazza della Signoria is the

Uffizi, where one can see the masterpieces of Botticelli, Raphael, and

Vinci. Adjoining the square is the Medici's Palazzo Vecchio.

What?

The Palazzo Vecchio, the city hall, which has been termed the most handsome

public building in the world.

But that took a lot of graft.

William, it's all very well for you to act like a peasant in front of me, but

please make an effort to hide... And for those culture vultures, don't worry,

don't worry.

I'll just stay away from them. I can amuse myself in Europe.

No doubt.

And the Follies Berger, the Casino in Cairn.

And all of the bistros in between.

Yes, I do like to have a little fun.

I know exactly what would happen.

You'd gamble away all of the money in a week, and I wouldn't see anything but a

hotel room. No, thank you. Aunt Jessie left that money to me, and I'm going to

do exactly what I've always wanted.

You're going to soak up $4 ,000 worth of culture, and it's never going to show.

I could have gotten myself a convertible. You know, that's the whole

with you, William.

If you can't drink it, wear it or ride in it, you think it has no value.

Very amusing.

Oh, that's the steward I sent for a drink. Come in.

I hear you are, sir. I think you'll find these effective.

Oh, yes. Are you sure this is very, very dry?

Yes, sir. Very dry indeed.

Oh, fine.

Have one on me.

Thank you, sir.

How much did you get him?

A dollar.

A dollar?

That's too much. You won't impress anybody by over -tipping.

The proper thing is to do it at the end of the voyage.

You don't understand, dear. These boys expect those extra tips.

Oh, William, stop throwing off. You know we have barely $1 ,500 left to spend in

Europe. If we're not more careful, we'll have to forget about Azizi.

It would be just dandy if we could forget about Azizi.

Florence and Rome.

And you can drop in Pisa, too.

All right.

You don't have to enjoy it, but don't spoil it for me.

Why don't you send it back?

Maybe you'll get a refund.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I lost my balance.

Well, it's one of the fascinations of traveling by ship.

There's adventure in every way.

Emily? Oh, I'm so sorry. I was talking to the nicest man.

What man? Where?

Oh, he's gone now.

Come along. We'd better get dressed for dinner.

Hello there, Mr. Renshaw.

Oh, hello, Bonneville. Nice to see you again. Sit down.

My wife's still dressing.

So's mine.

Well, that gives us time for a drink, doesn't it?

Martini? Sounds good.

But this time it's on me. I am fit.

Steward, two martinis, please.

Very, very dry.

Well, have you decided on your itinerary yet?

No, I think we'll just knock around a bit.

Try to avoid the usual vacation spots.

They can be a little desperate, you know.

How well I know.

All those tourists soaking up all that culture.

Well, this isn't your first trip abroad, then?

No, first by ship.

The plane is much faster, but of course it's not as pleasant.

How much is it? Oh, no.

Here you are.

Keep the change.

Well, here's... Oh, I'm so sorry.

Stuart, we've had a little accident here.

Well, well, well.

Looks as if it's going to blow up into a very dirty night.

Hope you've got your sea legs, Bottle. What never bothers me, sir, we do a lot

more rolling than this on Long Island Sound.

I didn't know you were a yachtsman.

Well, I've told him I have time to be more than a weekend sailor, I'm afraid.

Would you have another drink? No, thanks.

I limit myself to one before dinner.

But I would consider a brandy afterwards.

Tell you what we'll do.

Why don't you meet me later for the pool, and we'll have one then.

The pool at night?

Oh, no, no, no. The ship's pool.

The auction.

You thought I'm... Of course, it's your first trip by boat.

No, it works this way.

Each day, the captain makes an estimate of the day's run.

The distance we'll travel in the next 24 hours.

And chances are auctioned off to the passengers.

And the winning number walks up with the proceeds.

Minus 10 % for Siemens Charities.

Sounds interesting.

How many chances are there? 20.

10 each way from the estimate.

And, of course, there's the high field and the low field.

And how does that work?

Well, the low field covers all the numbers below the smallest number in the

range. And the high field works the same way at the other end.

You thinking of taking a flyer?

I might.

How much do the chances sell for?

Oh, it depends on how stiff the bidding goes.

I've known numbers to go for as low as 100 pounds.

British ship, of course.

Well, that's almost $300.

Almost, but the chance of winning 6 ,000 or 7 ,000 attracts an awful lot of

people.

7 ,000.

Well, have you pictured a number yet?

No. No, I'm not much of a gambler, I'm afraid.

What do you call playing the stock market?

That's an entirely different proposition, my boy.

That's an investment based on the knowledge of the market, the soundness

stocks. We have detailed reports and a complete history of the company to guide

you.

Inside information, eh? You could call it that if you like.

By the ship's pool, that's a guessing game.

Ah, there you are.

You know Baudible?

Yes, of course, Mr. Baudible. How are you? How do you do, Mrs. Renshaw? May I

say that you look extremely beautiful tonight.

Thank you.

Shall we go into dinner now?

Of course.

Later, Baudible? Later.

See you, Mrs. Renshaw.

What on earth do you see in that awful man?

Oh, Bottom's not a bad chap. He tries.

Much too hard, if you ask me.

He's a bit of a break -up, I suppose, but he's not too hard to take in small

doses. I feel sorry for his wife.

She seems like a nice little woman.

But I do wish she'd ask him not to wear that black dinner jacket.

He looks like a third -class master of ceremonies.

Given half a chance, I think that's just what he'd be. He'd be quite a funny

one, too.

I suggested we have a brandy later at the ship's pool, and he said, the pool?

Tonight?

He thought I meant a dunk in the pool.

Don't worry.

Rents are paid for the drinks.

William, never mind. Let's go in to dinner.

and we're in for a bit of weather.

But it won't amount to very much, and it sort of livens things up, don't you

think?

Anyway, we're all good sailors at this table.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, purser.

Yes, Mr. Bartle, what's the trouble?

Oh, there isn't any trouble. I just wondered if the captain had made his

estimate yet of the day's run.

I imagine so, yes.

About how long ago would that be?

Sometime this afternoon.

Would you say that that was before it started to get rough?

Yes, I suppose so. He usually does it about four o 'clock.

Oh, I was saying it was six when we started to roll, wasn't it?

About then.

I said, one other thing.

Do you think the captain knew that we were going to run into bad weather?

I really couldn't say, Mr. Butterball.

You see, it works like this.

The captain holds a little conference with the navigating officer.

They study the weather, then they make up their estimate.

I see, but if the weather were to be bad all night, it might be a very good idea

to pick a low number. What do you think?

Well, perhaps it would.

I doubt if the captain allowed for a really rough night.

Yes, but if you could choose a number, what number would you choose?

I really couldn't say, Mr. Bottable. You see, I don't know the range yet.

That isn't announced until the auction starts right after dinner.

Isn't that delicious?

And I can already imagine a sense of grandeur on seeing Michelangelo's

in the Sistine Chapel.

Excuse me, all.

You think we slacken speed because of this weather?

Oh, my word, yes, sir.

We'd have to slacken off speed in this weather, or you'd be throwing the

passengers all over the ship.

You know, I have a notion I'm going to make a bid.

That's how I thought you had.

Are you dead? Why?

It's written all over your face, Butterball.

You've got that gambler's gleam in your eye.

Well, now, I wouldn't mind picking up $7 ,000, would you?

No, not at all.

I'd prefer better odds.

Or some inside information?

Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has estimated the day's run, ending at

tomorrow, at 515 miles.

As usual, we will take the ten numbers on either side of it to make up the

range.

That means from 505...

Up to 525.

And for those who think the true figure will be still farther away, we'll have a

low field and a high field.

Now we'll draw the first number.

515.

You've made this trip before, Mr. Renshaw.

How do those figures stack up with you?

Oh, you know?

About average, as I recall.

Number 515.

Are you sure they don't seem lower than usual?

No, I don't think so.

You haven't got this auction rigged, have you, Butterball?

Not in the bag, but I did have dinner with the press here.

Oh, what did he say?

Oh, he doesn't know any more about it than I do, but he did say that the

figured his estimate about 4 p .m. this afternoon.

And that was before the storm slows down.

Mm -hmm.

One of the low numbers.

Oh, better than that.

Lower field.

If the storm keeps up all night.

Butterball, I really think you're onto something.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I won't bid against you.

You worked it out. You're entitled to it.

If somebody doesn't, I'll bid you.

Now we have 505.

What am I bid for 505?

150 pounds.

160.

That's a pretty high bid, isn't it?

I imagine these fellows notice the weather, too.

200 pounds.

Do I hear any advance on 200?

How high do these bids go?

It's hard to say. I'd be prepared to go 250, 300 pounds.

That's almost 900 dollars.

I couldn't go that high.

Well, I mean, I don't carry that much cash. Oh, well, they'll take a check,

sure. Oh, yes, a check, of course.

Lowfield next.

As you all know, Lowfield covers every number below the smallest figure in the

estimate. In this case, every number below 505.

So, what am I bid for Lowfield?

90 pounds.

That's the lowest bid of the night.

Don't be fooled by it, my boy.

90 pounds, I'm bid.

100.

Thank you.

175. Thank you, madam. 175. We're going nicely, ladies and gentlemen. 175

pounds. 200.

200.

250. Thank you, sir. 250 pounds. Is there any advance?

Going for 250.

260. 70.

80. 300.

325.

350. I have a bid of 350 pounds.

Is there any advance?

Going for 350 pounds.

Going.

Going.

Gone.

Congratulations, Bottle.

Oh, yes, thank you.

350 pounds.

$980.

Shouldn't wonder if the pool runs a bit higher than usual.

There's almost 10 ,000 in it.

10 ,000?

That much?

Well,

that's fine.

That's fine. I can use it.

Ethel, will you turn out the light, please?

There are no lights on, William. It's morning.

Hmm?

William, I've been revising our Paris tour.

If we do the Louvre and Napoleon's tour the same day, we can manage one evening

of entertainment.

I suppose you'd prefer to have it in Paris, but we have to watch the pennies

watch the tips.

Look, Ethel, you're going to find out soon enough, so I might as well tell you

myself.

I had a little bad luck.

Oh, William, you haven't been gambling again. You know every penny of that

is budgeted. But I was so sure that I could win.

And if I had, we could have taken all the tours and had something left over.

But you didn't win. You never do.

Well, if we bypass SEC, we can save $50. Was it that much, William?

No.

It wasn't $50.

Well, that's something.

What's the matter with you? You look terrible.

I think I'm going to get seasick.

Oh, William, you always manage to do things backwards.

Last night they could barely keep the dishes on the table and didn't bother

at all.

And now when the sea is flat as a pond, you have to go get seasick. Just leave

me alone, please.

Lovely weather, isn't it, Mr. Butterball? Lovely.

Yes, it certainly cleared up in a hurry.

What time did the wind drop?

About 4 a .m., I think.

And we're going quite fast now, aren't we?

Yes, we certainly are.

We have to make up the time that we lost, you know.

Excuse me, please.

Well, hello, Butterball.

Oh, how do you do, Mr. Renshaw? Mrs. Renshaw?

Hello, Mr. Butterball.

Won't you sit down here and amuse my husband?

Oh, now, don't let me chase you away, Mrs. Renshaw. I have an appointment with

hairdresser.

Well, Baltimore, before it slips my mind, there's a small card game brewing

for after lunch.

Would you care to sit in?

No, thank you.

Oh, really?

I had an idea you'd be just the man for a little table of steaks.

Well, how does your low field look this morning?

Looks like I ran out of the money.

Oh, I don't know.

That storm lost us considerable time. It might have lasted.

We've made all that time up.

The only way I could possibly win now would be to put this vessel in reverse

go full speed astern.

You might be able to get the captain to do that for you, for a percentage of the

profits.

I'm sorry about it.

It wasn't a very good joke, was it?

I remember now you said that most of your cash had gone into the pool.

That can be very embarrassing.

You must know. You play the market.

I can remember a few bad days.

Oh, well, then you're just a man to give me some expert advice.

Anybody can have hindsight, my boy.

I thought myself it was a good venture.

Last night.

But how did you break the bad news to the little woman?

Frankly, I didn't.

Never let on there was anything wrong.

Yes, well, you see, that won't work in my case.

I have just enough money left to tide us over until the next boat back.

Really?

Well, sorry to hear that, Butterball.

But it's only nine o 'clock.

Anything could happen in the next three hours.

Such as?

Oh, engine trouble, bad weather.

Anything that would slow us down.

Well, if you'll excuse me.

Thanks.

Or I could drown myself.

That could do it.

I wouldn't drown.

I'm a very good swimmer.

I could keep afloat until they came back to pick me up.

They'd have to stop the ship, lower a lifeboat, row back, and then return to

ship.

The whole thing would take at least an hour.

That would be enough.

That would take 30 miles off the day's run.

Lofield would be a cinch then.

I've got to be sure that someone sees me go over.

Can't take any chances there.

Somebody with good eyesight and good hearing.

A woman.

Let her get hysterical.

The louder she screams, the better.

Well, hello.

Oh, it's you.

I do believe it is.

How did you know?

Well, you said every wave has... That's right, that's right. I remember.

Well, I'm relieved. I thought for a moment you were being psychic.

Why do you say that?

Well, I don't know. I came up here and I said hello and you turned around and

said, oh, it's you.

Well, I mean, how did you know I was here?

I was listening.

I have on tennis shoes.

Well, I had no trouble hearing you.

Are you going to play deck tennis?

Oh, yes, yes. I have to get my exercise. Never miss it, you know.

Well, nice to see you again.

Thanks.

Hearing good.

Eyesight adequate.

You're it, lady.

Screen the goals down when I go over.

Take a deep breath.

That goes for you too, lady.

Remember, this is for $10 ,000 on low field.

Maybe she's got a number herself.

A high one.

Well, she wouldn't screw you at all.

For $10 ,000, she'd let me drown.

By the way, we were wondering why we don't see you around much in the

Oh, I am, sometimes.

Oh, really?

Well, were you at the auction last night?

The auction?

Well, you know, the lottery they hold in the lounge.

Where they sell chances on the ship's daily run.

I didn't know.

I go to bed so early.

I'm very lazy.

I see. Well, maybe we'll see you there this evening.

Have to get back to my exercise.

been searching the ship from top to bottom. I can't take my eyes off you for

second. The man just jumped overboard with all his clothes on.

Nonsense. He said he wanted to get some exercise and he just dived in.

Oh, Emily, for heaven's sake, there's no one there. Come along. Come along.

Let's go back to the cabin.

And you must promise me not to go wandering about alone anymore.

Otherwise, you'll not be allowed to take any more trips.

Such a nice man. He waved to me.

You will be pleased to know that our story had a happy ending.

The ship was delayed by engine trouble, so that Mr. Botterball won the pool.

Regrettably, Mr.

Botterball was not there to enjoy the money, but his wife and her second

had a very good time with it.

Our voyage should be over in a few minutes, but we're approaching rough

I think I shall move nearer the railing.

You stay here, however, for I shall weave back in just one minute.

That was worse than I expected.

And to add insult to injury, the captain has asked me to get off the ship.

He claims I'm tipping it over.

It's absurd, of course, but all the passengers are with him.

and its jump or be pushed.

So, until next week, bon voyage.