Original subtitles

Good evening, television watchers.

Tonight's mask is entitled The West Warlock Time Capsule.

The tale of a timid taxidermist.

This gives me the excuse to exhibit this prize of mine and to discuss taxidermy.

I feel I know quite a bit about stuffed animals. After all, it takes one to know

one. This I shot myself.

You see, deer poaching is one of my hobbies.

It took only two shots.

The first one hit a bearded old man wearing a ridiculous red suit and riding

a sleigh.

I'm having him suck too.

It probably sounds silly to you, but I'm sentimental that way.

But enough of this. Here in a moment is the West of Warlock time capsule.

Harry's gonna like it, George.

And when some of his friends gets a look at this, I bet you get their business,

too. If they ever hunt up this way.

Good, that's what we're here for.

Just put it on the bill, George. Sure thing.

Well, see you later. So long.

Now then.

Why don't you use Napoleon's own skeleton, Mr. Tiffany?

Sure is a lot more horse -shaped than this thing.

Napoleon skeletons in a million pieces.

I got no time to be putting them back together again.

Besides, this is much better.

Weaves his own skull, though.

And his hooves.

Are you sure you can get his skin back on him just the way he had it before?

You wait till I'm through with him, Charlie.

He's gonna have a spark in his eye and a flare to his nostrils.

He's gonna look just like he did when you used to ride him through the park.

Here's all about it in the paper.

That's a very nice write -up, too.

Mayor accepts Napoleon Memorial.

In a speech at the West Warlock City Dad's Lunch at the Buckhorn Hotel today,

Mayor Herbert Ayers for Molly accepted a Unique Memorial

donated to the city by George Tiffany and commemorating one of this

community's most beloved citizens.

Will you get me that rag over there, Charlie?

Thank you.

Napoleon, who died last month after a quarter of a century of faithful

For 22 years, this Spittian animal was the chief attraction at Lakeside Park.

Napoleon will contain within his body a hermetically sealed capsule to be opened

in a hundred years.

A hundred years?

He last a hundred years, Mr. Tiffany?

Oh.

Longer than that if they keep him in a glass case.

And he's going to be beautiful, Charlie.

Napoleon is going to be my masterpiece.

Did you ever use an animal's own bones, Mr. Tiffany? Oh, not anymore.

Just the skull and the wing bones and legs of a bird.

We used to, though.

Used to use the whole animal.

How did you do that?

Well, we used a syringe. See that syringe there?

That thing with the red handle? No, no. This thing.

And we fill that up with formaldehyde.

and inject that in his veins and wherever else he needs it, and that

him, you see.

Why don't you do it that way now?

Just as I thought.

Time for lunch, that's Mrs. Tiffany.

Why don't you do it that way now, huh?

And I think it's about time for you to run along home.

Doesn't it last as good?

Oh, sure.

Lasts indefinitely.

But you see, it shrinks.

Pulls out of shape like a mummy.

In fact, I guess that's what they were.

Mummies.

You get away from that bear now.

Come on.

Can I come back?

Well, if you gotta.

Okay, I'll be here. Bye.

So long, Charlie.

Is that you, George?

Uh -huh.

I've just had a letter from Waldron.

Waldron? My little brother in Canada.

Oh, oh. He's coming to visit us. Isn't that wonderful?

Wonderful.

Well, such enthusiasm.

Well, now I am enthusiastic, Louise. It's just that, well, it isn't as if I

Waldron, but I think it's fine. He's coming.

I was just teasing.

It'll be so wonderful to see him.

The two of us are all that's left of our family.

I haven't seen Waldron in... Well, it must be 25 years.

Well, I think he's just fine.

Did you bring his family?

Now, George, Waldron's always been a bachelor. You know that.

Smart fellow.

George.

You wouldn't think of getting up your chair, would you?

I mean, now that Waldron's coming.

Well, I mean him. I think it looks out of place.

Well, Louise, we've been all over that.

This is the only chair I've ever had in my life that I really like.

You ask me anything else here, but don't ask me that.

Well, have it reupholstered?

Ruin it.

It's taken years of sitting to get it this way.

It just fits my shape.

That rain certainly is coming down by the bucketful.

What'd you say, George?

Yarn over.

Two together.

Net three.

Oh, good evening.

Well, it's me, sis.

It's all that's left of your little brother.

Glad to see you.

It's been a long time, sis.

We're all that's left now.

Oh, you're absolutely soaked.

Sit down.

Let me get those wet shoes off you.

Oh. You must change your clothes.

Where's your suitcase?

Oh, there isn't any, sis.

There's nothing left but me.

I won't be here long.

Well, what's the matter?

Oh, it's George, my husband. He's in the shop downstairs.

Now you sit back and rest.

I'll get a cup of hot coffee for you.

George, this is my little brother, Waldron.

Oh.

Well, don't just stand there, dear.

He's soaking wet. I'm afraid of pneumonia.

Come on and get him your bathrobe. Yes, dear. Hello, Waldron.

Glad to see you. Please get the bathrobe, dear. Yes, dear. And then call

Rudy. Quick trip, wasn't it? Oh, George.

Now, let's get off that wet coat.

I can't believe Walden's been here for a whole week.

Can you, dear?

No, dear.

cold air coming from somewhere.

Oh, dear.

Is there a window open, George?

Oh, I'm afraid it'll make Waldron's cough worse.

It must be 84 in here, dear. Waldron couldn't possibly feel cold.

It's the draft.

Gets me here every time.

I'm sorry to be such a nuisance.

You're not a nuisance.

You'll soon be well, and then you won't have to be so careful.

We'll hope so, sis.

You folks about ready to go to bed?

It's just about 8 .30, Waldo.

Was that all?

I guess you don't want to go to bed this early.

My cough medicine.

Where is it?

Here.

Oh,

thanks.

I don't know what I'd do without that cough medicine.

It's all gone.

Gone? I just got this bottle yesterday.

I know.

I really should try to get along without it, I suppose.

I will try to get along without it. But tonight.

You'll do no such thing. We can't have you coughing all night. You might injure

yourself. Go and get another bottle, dear, before the drugstore closes.

Why don't I get him a bottle of gin?

More alcohol in it and I'll have cheaper.

Walden, you must see that there just isn't room in this house for a third

person.

And with Louise, it's no good.

Walden, I'll give you just one hour to clear out of this house permanently.

Hiya, Mr. Tiffany. Who are you talking to? Oh, hello, Charlie. Why, uh, just

talking to Napoleon here.

Hey, he looks good, Mr. Tiffany. Oh, you're beginning to have confidence now

that I know what I'm doing, huh?

Maybe when I get a little bit older, I can be your apprentice.

That'll be fine. You hold this.

What is it? The time capsule.

The what?

The thing that goes inside Napoleon with all the stuff in it to be opened up a

hundred years from now.

What stuff?

Why, the things that show the kind of life we're leading now.

Newspapers, movies, films, photographs, you know, just like the paper said.

A permanent record for posterity.

Can I put something in it?

Who'd ever know?

What do you want to put in it?

How about a picture of a rover? He's a very good -looking dog.

Okay, I'll slip it in.

You could put a lot more inside it.

How about the totem pole my scout troop made?

Hey, what about that?

Definitely not.

Well, when I'm going to be your apprentice, I'm going to put a surprise

job.

That'll be dandy.

Oh, there goes your brother -in -law.

Is he going to go sit in the park?

I suppose so.

Is that all he ever does?

Just about.

I mean, I don't know. You better run along home now. I'm going upstairs,

Charlie. Why?

It's not lunchtime. I want to talk to Mrs. Tiffany.

Oh, I see.

Without him around.

Charlie, you're going to have to stop thinking so much.

Now, don't get up, dear. Just stay right where you are.

I thought you were Waldron.

Louise.

I want to talk to you about Waldron, dear.

I think it's very hard on you having him around.

I mean, you go around waiting on him, hand in the foot.

Look at that dress.

That dress used to fit you.

That hangs on you like a sack, doesn't it? Oh, I've lost some weight, that's

all. Well, you didn't need to lose any weight.

And you look tired.

Darling, don't you think Waldron's well enough now to go out and get a job for

himself?

He's not well enough to work, you know that?

I'm all he has.

Oh, I know it's been hard on you, George.

It's you I'm thinking about, Louise.

we're going to do. I can't go back on him now.

He's my little brother.

Don't cry. Don't, don't, honey. Please don't cry.

Madeline, please.

I won't talk about it anymore, honey.

Just promise me that you'll try to take it a little easy.

Yes, I will.

Walden doesn't realize he wouldn't want to be any trouble.

I know, I know. I know he wouldn't.

Of course he wouldn't.

There you are, Napoleon.

All full of messages for future generations.

Big racket.

Louise?

Where's Louise?

She's in the kitchen, I suppose.

I saw a racket in there a few minutes ago. It woke me up.

I was trying to get back to sleep.

Louise? Louise!

Louise!

Get Dr. Odie on the phone.

Tell him to get right over here.

And hurry up!

We'll keep her here a day or two for some more tests, George, but I'm sure

nothing serious.

She's just worn out. She needs a couple weeks of complete rest.

She can't go on the way she has, you know.

You've got to get rid of that brother of hers.

Doctor, is there anything really wrong with Waldron?

Nothing, except he missed his calling.

He should have been an actor.

I want to talk to you, Waldron. Please, George. Louise, my sister, do you mind?

She'll be all right.

Well, at least that's something.

Going to that dinner, all this excitement.

I'm afraid I'm not quite up to it.

Well, I'm glad you found something to tide you over.

What I want to discuss with you is very important.

George, I don't see how you can just stand there and chatter after what's

happened to Louise.

It's Louise that I want to talk to you about.

George, you can't seem to understand that I am a sick man.

Oh, it's happened tonight. My digestion started acting up again.

Waldron, will you please listen to me? George, I simply cannot go on arguing

with you like this.

This concerns Louise's health.

That will do.

A decent meal, I might feel a lot better.

Yes.

Walden?

About how tall are you?

Have a chance to visit friends in Mexico, where the climate is wonderful

condition.

Don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while. The mail is slow down

Sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I didn't want to disturb my little

sister. Get well quick, your loving baby brother.

Well, what's the matter with you?

Didn't you hear me?

You know what time it is?

Oh, yes, I guess it must be about suppertime. There's one other little

have to do, Walden, and I kind of need some help.

Would you mind giving me a hand?

All right, I'll try.

You know I'm not strong.

Well, do you think you could hold this for me?

And the syringe.

You see, I've just been finishing Napoleon there.

And, uh...

Seems

kind of heavy, George.

I didn't realize it'd be this heavy.

Yeah, well, uh...

That's not our feet and mouth a little, just to be safe.

And so, on behalf of our fair city and our fair citizens, I want to thank

Tiffany for his generous contribution of his time and his artistic talents,

which have created this priceless memorial.

And now, in conclusion...

I will read to you the exact words of the inscription, which appears on the

plaque.

Napoleon in memoriam.

Within this superb animal... Oh, George, it's wonderful.

I'm so happy for you.

I'm the one that's happy.

You know, you just look great.

That rest certainly fixed you up. I guess it really did.

I'm just sorry Walden isn't here to see it. He'd be so proud.

I guess it's better off, though, when it is.

If the climate's warmer.

I'm sure it's warmer, dear.

In the year of our Lord, 2057, in order that future residents will have a fuller

understanding of the life and times of their forefathers, as typified by the

contents of this memorial.

I thank you.

Well, George, it certainly ought to put West Wallach in the national limelight

when they look inside Napoleon in the year 2057.

What do you think?

Well, yes, I actually think it's all right.

Honesty demands that I reveal that all did not go as Mr. Tiffany had planned.

The weight of Waldron's pudgy body proved too much for Napoleon, and within

few months the time capsule was opened by a Caesarian section.

Waldron, of course, was quite dead, and Napoleon hasn't been the same since.

As for Mr. Tiffany, the jury proved quite lenient.

Next time we plan a return trip to your living rooms.

I hope you will join us then.

Good night.