Original subtitles

Almost up.

Hand out.

Finish up.

You guys are never ever in a million years going to believe what happened to

at the mall today. You flashed a thong to the guy at the food court and he gave

you a free sody pie.

And a total stranger came up to me out of the blue and asked me to audition for

a commercial.

It's so good to be me.

Well, you know, honey, you have to clear that kind of stuff with me first.

So what kind of commercial is it? Well, it's for a sports car. I would be one of

the models.

Why would you want to demean yourself by doing that anyway?

I don't have to tell you why I want to demean myself.

I'm not sure I like the idea of you being sprawled out on the hood of some

It's better than the back seat.

Dude, that's exactly what I was thinking.

But I had the good mind not to say it.

I don't understand. For over a hundred years, women have been fighting to be

heard and not just seen. And now we finally have a voice. Not now, sweetie.

Don't worry about it, Kate. When I designed cars, I went to all the

shoots. They weren't trashy. Yeah, Mom, Grandpa's right. All I have to do is

point at a car like Dana White and say stuff like, it has a V -something

rear suspended stuff, you know, air baggies, whatever.

And then there is the slightest chance she might not get the job.

Good one, Grandpa.

Well, you know, honey, they do. They look at hundreds of girls. And though

are very special, there's no guarantee.

Good one, Mom.

Well, I was going to stay out of this, Aunt Kate, but if you want, I'll take

under my wing.

You? Oh, yeah. I don't know if you know this little tidbit, but I was in quite a

few commercials myself.

I knew it.

You were the leprechaun in the toilet bowl.

Dude, the leprechaun was in the cereal.

Remember? The little sailor man was in the toilet.

The point is, I was a top child model, one of the best in the biz.

Oh, right. You a model?

I don't have to defend myself to you. I was there. You weren't. Oh, I had it

all.

Champagne, caviar. Didn't you just say you were a child model?

Apple cider, jelly beans. Oh, I had the life.

Let me tell you something, Missy.

You think it's all glitz and glamour? Oh, no.

You're wrong.

It's a dirty, filthy, cutthroat business.

One minute, you're pretty, great hair. The next minute, you suck, split ends.

One lesson to be learned, you gotta have thick skin.

So where's your career now, big shot?

In the toilet with a little sailor man.

Heidi Klum, is that you?

I met you at the Grammys a couple years ago.

Is that not you? How many times can you get shot down? It's like a record. No,

it's not a record.

Listen, I'm here for moral support and spiritual support. Giselle?

Are you with the old number?

Who's next?

Bridget Hennessy. Oh, that's me.

It's Brigitte.

Come on in, Brigitte.

You pretty thing.

Why are you all cramped behind that desk when you should be out here with the

rest of the pretty models?

It's men like you who make me want to consider women.

Okay, now it's a record.

Well, that was quick. What happened? I don't know. He just said I wasn't what

they're looking for. I didn't even have to read any cards. What?

He doesn't know who he's dealing with. Have a seat.

This may take a while.

He said, uh, he didn't have the right look.

I don't have the right look? Well, he didn't get specific?

Yeah, he also said I have no butt. And? And split ends. What does he say about

me?

Damn you.

Bridget, get down here.

No, I'm hitting it.

All the guy said was she didn't have the right look. Yeah, now she's convinced

that one earlobe is bigger than the other.

This is why I didn't want her to audition in the first place. Yeah,

Bridget obsessing about her look.

You know, you people wouldn't understand.

To us models, our appearance is a very sensitive issue.

Now, do I or do I not have junk in the trunk?

Okay, everyone, cover your eyes. Here comes the freak show.

Your earlobe is fine.

Ah, it's alive!

Sorry. No, he's right. I have a bowling ball at the end of my ear. And my belly

button hangs too. My eyes are too close together.

That is ridiculous.

You have beautiful eyes. No, they're abnormally close together. I'll measure

them. Where's the ruler?

Try Rory's room.

I don't have it. Why would I have it?

An inch. Look at this. They're like an inch apart.

Bridget, I don't know why I'm trying to make you feel better, but an inch is

probably average.

Ooh, that should make you feel better, too, Rory.

Yeah, well, I'm not average, okay? I've never been... average. I'm a freak. I'm

a big, low, narrow -eyed, droopy, belly -button freak.

That's certainly not average.

Oh, I hate this.

They have now turned a beautiful, confident girl into a hysterical,

dysfunctional mess.

They're on an eating disorder, and she could be a model.

Dad, where are you going? I'm going down to that modeling agency and give them a

piece of my mind.

Are you sure? You got so few pieces left.

Look, Dad, leave it alone.

It's done.

Just... Let her get over it.

Well, no. They made my granddaughter cry, and I'm not going to stand for it.

that makes me old -fashioned, I don't give a horse's patoot.

No, saying horse's patoot makes you old -fashioned.

Well, how about this, sonny boy? I don't give a rat's ass.

It's better.

But lose the sonny boy.

Excuse me. You can't go in there. The hell I can't.

By the way, I'm still single.

Sir, I'd like a word with you. Sir, he'd like a word with you.

Whoa. You know, the guy who was here before, who are you?

Jim?

Jim Egan?

Jackie, is that you?

Or are my eyes playing tricks on me?

Now, it wouldn't be the first time, McGill. Put your glasses on.

Oh, my God!

Look at you.

Jim, oh, just as handsome as the first day we met. And you, still a bombshell.

Bambi, you dog, you get with that.

If by get with that you mean what I think you mean, we got plenty.

Well, come around there and give me a hug.

Oh, baby.

Okay.

Long hug.

Awkward.

Still in the room.

And I'm creeped out.

Look at that. It's getting worse.

I have giant feet. You know, if I had Carrie's right here, I could be a clown.

I heard that.

It's almost like she's got your giant ears.

Mom, I heard that, too.

I'm kidding.

Look, I'm just trying to point out how ridiculous you're being.

Bridget, you know you are one of the prettiest girls at school.

The prettiest.

So, you don't think I'm completely deformed?

No. And neither did you until you went down there and let some total stranger

judge you.

You know what? You're right. I'm just going to forget about the stupid model

people. You know, they can take their commercial and dick it. Well, Bridget, I

got you another audition.

I'm back!

What happened?

The head of the modeling agency is coming over to take a look at her.

Oh, Grandpa, thank you, thank you, thank you.

And somebody said I shouldn't go down there.

Now, how did you manage that?

Apparently, he and the model babe had a little fling back in the day.

Really? I know, gross.

Hey, come on, it's 40 years ago.

About the same time as your last date.

Anyway, she's coming over here tonight to see Bridget, and then we're going out

to dinner.

Tonight? Oh, my God, Grandpa, you're in the back. I have to change. I don't know

what I'm going to do. Dad, you actually dated the owner of a modeling agency?

Well, back then, she was just a smoking hot model, and we did more than date.

All right, I'm out.

Well, I'm a little thrown here. Could you tell me something more about this

woman I never met?

Well, don't worry. It was before your mother.

Oh, good.

Yeah, she's the one that got away.

The love of my life.

What?

But you liked Mom better, right?

Dad.

Come on, now tell me that you liked Mom better.

Yeah, sure.

You know, you're not being very nice about Mom.

Oh, the woman who left me for Paco, the Latin lover?

Right.

Well, if this Jackie was the love of your life, what happened?

I don't know. We probably had an argument or something. Hey, it was a

ago. It's water under the bridge.

So now you think you two might get back together again?

I don't know why not.

I forgave the Koreans. I can forgive her.

Did you forgive Mom?

Nope.

You've been there. I need you to help me get this job.

Okay, okay. First of all, calm, poise, composure. Oh, God. Oh!

I didn't even know you were in the room.

CJ, I need you. All right, here we go. Here we go. Okay, great. The blonde

leading the blonde.

You need one signature move, okay?

Pretend this bed is a car you're selling.

I shouldn't give you this one.

That's a triple hand twirl. Killed in Europe. Try it.

How was that?

That's great if you're arguing with a deaf guy.

I did exactly what you did.

Oh, you wish. Where's the flair, the attitude, the passion?

The intelligence, the pride, the self -respect.

Don't confuse her, all right?

Those things are poison to a model.

That's Jackie.

No, no.

That's Jackie.

Oh, Jackie.

Okay, look away.

Look away.

Wow, what a beautiful home.

Obviously, you've done very well for yourself. Well, thank you.

Oh, right.

This is my daughter's house.

This is my daughter, Kate.

Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you, Kate.

You know, I've been really looking forward to meeting you. Dad says you're

one that got away.

Well, I'm just the girl who was on the go and your dad wanted to settle down.

Another one of my fine decisions.

Shall we have a drink?

I'd love some white wine.

Oh, and this is my grandson, Rory. Hi.

Nice to meet you, Rory.

Now, let me guess. I am really good at this.

You are in the sixth grade.

I'm a freshman in high school.

Oops. And this is my granddaughter, Carrie.

Hi. I'm really good at this. No, no, no, you don't have to. I mean, I know it's

your business and everything, but there's more to me than just how I look.

Can I at least tell you how fabulous your red hair is?

Really?

Have you ever considered modeling?

Oh, I don't know. I mean, I get maybe someday down the line.

Here we go.

Oh. Thank you so much.

Lovely.

Looking at you, it's like time stood still.

Here's to the good times, he had.

And here's to the times to come.

Oh, Jim, don't do that with the eyes.

Well, hello.

This is Bridget. Oh, it's so nice to meet you.

Hello. Thank you for...

Coming to our home.

Nailed it.

And of course you remember CJ.

Oh, how could I forget? My receptionist is bringing him up on charges.

Don't leave the stage.

Still has him, Grandpa.

Has he changed much since you two dated?

Hardly at all.

He's still tall and gorgeous and still throws back those peanuts like he was at

a ball game.

You guys get acquainted, and Kate and I will get the rest of your hors d

'oeuvres. Dad, you're going to help me with the hors d 'oeuvres? Let's go.

Now I remember why we didn't work out.

Don't clink the eyes, don't throw back the peanuts.

Yeah, what's that all about?

Oh, she always treated me like I was a six -year -old. I didn't stand for it

then, and I'm sure not going to stand for it in my own house.

Well, your house.

Yeah, and I think you better stand for it tonight.

Bridget has a lot riding on this.

Well, I'm going to do a little more scotch and a lot more ice.

Guys, she really likes me. I think she's going to put me in the commercial.

Oh, that's great, honey. Oh, Grandpa, you were right. She is fantastic.

Oh, she said her little Jimbo would be in here filling up on snacks before

dinner.

Maybe I'll need the whole bottle.

I bet Mom's looking kind of good right about now.

No.

For the last time, the leprechaun is in the cereal, okay?

The little sailor guy is in the toilet.

Well, is my Bridget everything I told you she'd be? She's delightful.

Hey, I'm starved. You ready to tie on the old feed bag?

Oh, Jim, we're not a couple of horses.

Nice for Bridget.

Well, ready?

Not quite.

Now we're ready.

Well, you two have a really nice time.

Real nice, Dad.

Thank you, Kate.

I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a lot more time with your

family, and especially you, Bridget. Oh, I'd love that.

Oh, look at you.

What did you get into?

There, all better now. Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry. The wind must have blown the door shut.

Yeah, but I locked it.

Why did you do that?

Well, you're treating me just like you used to, like a kid.

Well, if you want to walk around like that.

Well, maybe I do.

What is going on?

Ask my nanny.

You are impossible.

You know, why don't we all just take a deep breath and have some olives?

Have your nerve, Jim Egan. I came all the way here to meet your granddaughter.

Well, you wasted your time. She's too good for your commercial.

No, I'm not.

Fine. Then we won't use her.

Fine. Fine. Not fine. And good night.

Nailed it.

And that is why I married your mother.

That's it?

I'm out?

Listen, tough bit, kid.

You lasted longer than most.

You can tap on that glass till it breaks.

I am not crawling back to Jackie.

Please, Grandpa, I want to be in the commercial. I want to be a model.

Oh, really?

You want to wind up like that crazy nut bucket? Is that what you want? More than

anything!

Sorry, I'm not going to do it.

Oh, yeah?

Well, next time you lose your glasses on your head, I'm not telling you where

they are.

Bridget, I will not...

What does she call me?

Well, let's just say it involves the entire patoot.

She'll get over it.

Dad, this isn't about your pride.

It's about your granddaughter's happiness.

It's not that simple.

Well, sure it is.

Jim Egan never backs down.

Look, I'm not saying that Jackie wasn't annoying, but get over it.

What happened to the guy who always put his family first?

He got dumped 40 years ago by the love of his life.

Jackie? Yeah.

She's not the one that got away.

She cut me loose.

Really? Yeah, she didn't think I was refined enough.

She tried to class me up and dress me in fine suits and eat that crappy French

food. Well, I'm just a little rough around the edges, and I always will be.

Oh, Dad.

She broke my heart.

And then last night, she started fussing at me to bring it all back.

Well, you never told me any of it.

Well, I'm not proud of it.

After she dumped me, did a lot of drinking, wasn't taking care of myself.

I was a desperate man.

That's when I met your mother.

Well, it turned out to be a good thing. I mean, we had you and your sister.

And, of course, you had Rory and the girls.

Damn, I love those kids.

Oh, hell, I'll go call my dad.

Man, it's hard to watch.

Why? Because once you feel the heat of the spotlight, you jones for it. You've

got to, got to have it.

You were eight years old. Doesn't matter.

Once it gets in your blood, you never get rid of it. Like hepatitis B.

I'll tell you what.

I'd throw it all away to do it again.

Throw what away? Your room in the basement and your box of dirty

You don't get it, do you?

What box of dirty magazines?

I'm proud of you.

I know that took a lot to go back to Jackie.

Well, the hard thing wasn't the apology. It was trying to keep her from seeing I

had one brown sock and one blue sock.

Hi. You enjoying it, honey? Oh, I'm having so much fun. This is a blast.

Grandpa, thank you so much.

Let's get ready, people.

Okay, I gotta go. So, honey, is this something you might want to do more of?

Oh, yeah, I don't think so. It's a lot of standing.

It was worth the sacrifice.

You're a classy guy, no matter what color your socks are. Thank you, baby

For later.

Boy, she looks great, doesn't she? A real natural.

Yeah, kind of like you when you started.

You know, there's plenty of food. Do you want something to eat?

Well, no, I'm not here for the food. I want to watch my granddaughter.

Oh, take some of them for later. Maybe some chips to go with that sandwich in

your pocket.

She's doing it again.

Quiet, everybody.

Stand by. We're rolling.

And action.

If you're looking for the sweetest, sexiest lines of any car on the road,

no further.

Strength, speed, style, and... And loads of junk roads.

for the sleekest, sexiest lines of any car on the road, look no further.

Strength, speed, style, and loads of trunk room.

What are you doing? Nothing.

Oh, you still don't want to model? Oh, please.

Actually, you showed a little bit of potential.

Really? Yeah, you got a good look, good personality. You could be a big star.

Really? Could you fit in that toilet bowl?