Original subtitles

Yeah, Kate, I saw what you did in the bedroom up there. It looked incredible.

What were you doing in my room?

Taking a milk bath.

I know, I should have asked.

It changed everything.

Yeah, you guys were all gone this summer doing your own thing, and it was time

to do something special for me.

Hey, you want to do something special for you, you take a milk bath.

Yes, we're out of milk.

I mean, I guess I'll have to take a bath.

I still haven't drained the tub.

Now, CJ, I didn't just make some changes around the house.

I also made some personal changes.

Want to see?

No.

Okay. Okay.

So what do you think?

Wow, that's great.

Really? Yeah, it looks incredible. I didn't think you needed it, but yeah.

Nice.

What do you mean you didn't think I needed it?

Lipo.

I didn't get lipo.

It's our little secret.

By the way, you got a little paint in your hair.

What are you guys looking at? I just printed the pictures for my trip to D

Oh, wow. Look at this. The Washington Monument.

The Capitol.

Are you sticking your tongue in Abe Lincoln's ear?

Colin Powell dared me.

You really enjoyed being an intern at Bridge.

Oh, I am so going into politics. If you think high school's a popularity

contest, wait till you see this place.

Oh, hey, I like your hair, Kate.

Oh, thanks for noticing.

Yeah, Mom, the gray makes you look distinguished.

It's blonde.

Uh, this is blonde, but okay.

Love you too, Grandma. I'll let you get back to your nap. Hey, Grandma, I want

to talk to her.

Grandpa wants to say hi.

Hi, sunshine.

Hello.

She hung up.

She said she was real busy.

You know, Dad, you never really told us what went wrong with you and Mom in

Florida. I wish I knew.

I mean, everything was going great. I thought your mom and I were going to get

back together again, and boom, she kicked me out. Oh, I'm sorry.

You know what we say, Grandpa?

It's for the best. It is. Come here, you.

T .J.'s been my rock. You know, he's really helped me through all this.

What about me? I'm the one that got you to stop smoking.

Well, like I said, T .J. really helped me through all this.

All right, dinner's ready. Rory, get your sister.

Terry! Is that right in my ear?

Um, did anybody call for me earlier?

Just some guy for you. He sounded really hot.

Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, no, wait. That was Grandma.

you think you're doing? What? In France, ten -year -olds drink and smoke.

Oh, smoke.

Guess what? Summer's over and you're not in France anymore.

Yeah, so grab a root beer and shave the pits, Madeline.

Oh, I'll get it. I got it. I got it.

Who is expecting a call?

What's it to you? Hello?

She's been this way ever since she went off the sauce.

Shut up! Any chance this could be about the boy you met in Europe? Shut up!

Did you tell your student...

president shut up how does an idiot like you even get to be

president florida what's that that's the last time i spoke

all right well that was the hospital there's an emergency and i have to go in

you know and another thing i am not an idiot would an idiot be invited to the

pentagram

off you two. CJ, come here.

Now look, I'm going to be working a lot more hours and I really need you to

help.

I don't want to work at the hospital.

Here, I just need you to step up. If the kids have a problem, help. If somebody

wants to talk, listen.

And for God's sake, don't let anyone kill each other.

You wish.

How about you stay here? I go to the hospital.

Hey, Grandpa.

What are you doing out here? Nothing.

Oh, now, that's really good.

Now, see if you can pull a quarter out of my ear.

I promise you'd quit.

Well, I tried, but I got all stressed out when your grandma wouldn't take me

back.

That's really sad.

Oh, give me your cigarettes.

Hey, I promise I won't smoke them.

Then what do you want to do with them?

Touch them.

You know, just, I've got to have something to do with my hands.

Right. No, boy, you don't understand what it's like to have this filthy habit

you have no control over, you think about all the time, and you constantly

this urge to sneak off and take care of it.

Yeah, Grandpa, I can't relate to that at all.

Truce. Truce.

Okay, wait, Bridget, I need to talk to you about something.

It's about the guy I met in Europe. Okay, I'm all ears.

Okay, well, see, he has an earring. Oh, which does remind me, those are my

earrings.

You gave them to me. If I saw such cute earrings, why would I give them to you?

You know what? Just forget it. You are such a wacko. You're no trash.

Gift forgetter. The earrings! The earrings!

video a lot like this in my room.

And I can't concentrate. You,

go sit.

You, take a walk.

You cannot make me take a walk.

You're right, I can't, but Extreme Makeover is on downstairs and it's not a

repeat.

Now, what's up with you?

Nothing. Now, something's going on and you're dying to spill it. Start

squawking. No, you're just going to make fun. or make some wise -ass joke.

No, I won't.

I mean, I am thinking of them all the time.

But I'm not gonna say it.

All right, listen, how about this?

I have got a really big secret.

You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine.

Okay, you first. No, no chance.

Mine is so major.

Yeah, but I don't care about yours.

Fair enough.

Okay.

Remember how Grandpa...

Wondered what happened down in Florida?

Well, I kind of let it slip the lip to Grandma that when they were apart,

Grandpa slept with bartender Tina.

You told her?

She was saying the only reason the old man came down to see was because he

couldn't get a chick. I defended him, man.

CJ style.

When Grandpa finds out he's going to kill you? Oh, duh, duh. You think so?

Now, what's yours?

Well, it's about that boy I met in Europe. See, he's really sweet, and I've

him some messages, but he's not calling me back.

Go on.

That's it.

That's the whole secret?

What, that Biff hasn't called?

His name isn't Biff, it's Bruno, and it's kind of weird because I haven't

from him, and we slept together.

You're a terrific girl, and if he doesn't call you, it's his loss.

So, you'll find someone great.

I'm sorry.

Did you say you slept with him?

Yeah, I did.

And was this the first time?

I can handle that.

Thank

you,

Jed. Hey.

You look awful.

Couldn't sleep.

Why? Talk to Carrie?

No, was I supposed to? Why are you asking me? You brought it up. No, I

You brought it up. Wow, that's weird. Those night shifts are messing with your

brains.

Hey, Grandpa.

Got you something.

the USS Missouri, Big Mo.

It's to keep your hands busy. I've done the entire Japanese fleet and the

Luftwaffe.

Hey, sweetie.

Can anybody call for me?

No. Are you expecting someone?

No, Mom, I'm just fascinated by phone call volumes.

Oh, Carrie?

Carrie, honey.

Honey, look, I know something is bugging you.

You want to go in my room and talk?

Carrie, I know I'm just the mom, and I probably won't get it, but I'm a really

good listener.

Okay.

There's this boy, and he's really sweet, and I've been calling... Oh, my

God! What's all this?

While everyone was away, I did a little redecorating.

What do you think? You changed everything.

I know.

You're not supposed to change your mom.

What's that supposed to mean? You're done changing.

What is all this yelling?

What have you done?

Well, I just bought a few new things. I thought it would be good.

What else did you change? Nothing.

What are you looking at? Did you have lipo?

No.

Do I look like I did?

You can't just do something this big without telling us. Yeah, this is way

weird. Oh, no, no, no. Girls, just wait a minute.

Totally worth it.

God, can you believe her? How could she do something like this? She's selfish,

that's how.

Yeah, I hate selfish behavior.

I mean, in other people.

You really think I'm selfish?

Well, I did come to you for help yesterday, and somehow you made it all

you. God, you're right. I do do that, don't I? Okay, if you want to talk about

that boy, I promise to try and be helpful.

His name is Bruno.

Oh, I once dated a Bruno, and I... Oh, sorry. What?

Go ahead. My fault.

Okay, he's really sweet, and he totally gets me, and we had this epic romance,

and I've been calling, but he hasn't called me back.

Oh, hey, forget him, okay? There will be plenty of other guys.

It is no big deal.

I slept with him.

Shut up.

What?

Are you kidding?

Oh, my God!

Yeah, I know!

How could you do this to me?

What? I'm the big sister! I'm supposed to go first! I can't believe you batted

out of order!

You're making this about you? What you did was for a night.

I'm gonna have to live with this forever!

Big Mo's really coming along.

coming along?

Does this look like a .50 caliber machine gun to you? And what the hell is

supposed to be? A kidney stone?

What the hell is a kidney stone doing on a battleship?

You know, it's always good to put a guy having a nicotine fit next to lots of

airplane glue.

Oh, hey, hey.

Hey.

Listen, uh, about that thing we talked about the other night?

My virginity?

Just, uh, want to tell you I don't know if I handled that perfectly.

Oh, you mean by running out screaming?

I just want to make sure what happened on your special night happened

safe.

Safely.

As long as you used good grammar.

Yes, we were safe.

Uh,

so, uh, where are you going?

The CM.

Really? You know, I don't want to be the strict, boring guy, but I don't think

you should be going to France on a school night.

We just started school in Ann Arbor. I'm going to take the bus.

He invited you?

I'm going to surprise him.

Oh, good. Guys love that.

Well, despite all the great advice I've gotten around here, I thought maybe I'd

just go and see for myself where we stand.

Carrie, you're...

Your mom wouldn't want you to do this. I'm going to have to call her. Oh, you

wouldn't. I don't want to, but she wants me to be responsible. I'm not going to

let her down.

Okay, then I'll just have to tell Grandpa you ruined his chances with

Take the station wagon. I'll drive.

You know, as good as I am at feminine milestones,

you really...

I ought to talk to your mom about this.

Well, I will when I'm ready.

Maybe when she's done changing.

So, have you thought about what you're going to say to Brutus?

I don't know.

I'm going to ask him if he got my messages.

And then he'll tell me he lost my number or he couldn't retrieve his voicemail.

Then he'll feel totally awful for worrying me and I'll forgive him and

laugh because there was really nothing to worry about anyway. And then maybe

we'll have some wine.

Yeah, that'll be nice when you straighten that out.

You know, I remember once a really, really cute girl gave me her number.

Leslie. Oh.

I put it on my desk.

Anyway, next day I open the window. Naturally, number flies out into a

Panicked. Freaked out.

Ran down there.

Climbed into the dumpster.

And start digging through, like, mounds of garbage and God knows what.

Oh, I found a lamp I still have.

And this shirt.

And this shoe.

Anyway, I did find the number.

Did you call her?

Hell yes.

But they claim that Leslie didn't live at the deli and never had.

Point is, if a guy really wants to reach you, he'll find your number, no matter

how many old diapers he has to crawl through.

Maybe it's just me.

Well, here we are.

Hey, if you ring the bell and he doesn't answer right away, he might be out back

digging the dumpster.

Take me home.

What? He's a jerk. Take me home.

It's not something I said. Take me home!

You're the boss.

She's beautiful.

Well, I couldn't have made it without you.

Now let me have a cigarette.

No, Grandpa. Come on, just as a reward.

I can't let you do that.

All right.

No!

Bad Grandpa, what's gotten into you?

It's just my wife won't take me back, and I'm dying for a smoke or a drink or

a woman. You know what it's like.

Well, trust me, you will.

Oh, you're sure losing everything these days.

Go easy on her, Prince Carmington. Not to be kind of a jerk.

You know, I guess Mom redoing the room's not that weird.

Yeah, I... I guess it's okay that she did it.

Yeah, but it's like living in a banana gumball.

And what's up with that blonde streak?

I know.

And she totally got lipo.

Hey, um, that was pretty selfish of me before, you know, talking about all that

batting out of order stuff.

Thanks.

And I'm sorry it turned out to be such a creep.

Yeah. I really thought I loved him.

I thought he was special.

Come on.

I just hate seeing you like this.

I mean, if it helps, I've never even met a guy that I thought was so special

that I would do that.

Even if he turned out to be a huge jerk.

That's sweet.

I'm just trying to make you feel better.

Just tidying up.

I want to run something by you.

You know, the girls are all freaked out.

Do you think I'm making too many changes?

I think they'll be all right.

I don't know.

I actually stopped by the salon and had them take out that blonde streak in my

hair.

You had a blonde streak in your hair?

Good night, CJ.

Seriously, you had a blonde streak?

Oh, Mom, sorry.

You must fall asleep.

It's okay.

I'm glad you're here.

You know, I was thinking, maybe I should change this room back to the way it

was. Oh, no, you don't have to. Yeah, we just freaked out a little bit, but

we're fine now.

You sure?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, at least let's do this.

New rule.

Anytime there's a big change, we just tell each other about it right away so

there's no surprises.

That sounds great.

What do you think, Carrie?

What's going on in here? Come on, we're just hanging out. Come join us.

I'm a little old for that now.

Oh, Rory, I have chocolate -covered peanuts.

Rory!

You smell so bad. Come on, you guys.

Look, it's lights out.

Am I the only responsible dollar around here?

CJ, I just talked to Grandma.

Hey, Grandpa, you know what we say.

It's really for the... But you're not saying it.