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1
00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:14,220
It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper
2
00:00:14,220 --> 00:00:17,980
page. Love and tradition of the grand
design.
3
00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:21,580
Some people say it's even harder to
find.
4
00:00:22,860 --> 00:00:26,760
Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside.
5
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:45,180
We're going to fill our house with
happiness.
6
00:00:55,850 --> 00:01:02,370
There's room for you, room for me, for
gentle hearts and opportunities.
7
00:01:02,990 --> 00:01:09,910
And say goodbye, it's the bigger love of
the family.
8
00:01:39,790 --> 00:01:40,790
What's going on, Laura?
9
00:01:41,090 --> 00:01:44,390
Look what I found. It was on a table
that was empty just a second ago.
10
00:01:45,630 --> 00:01:48,450
Farewell, My Laura by Stephen Q. Urkel.
11
00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:51,750
This must be his entry in the short
story contest.
12
00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:56,810
Yeah. He's deliberately being mysterious
to make me want to read it. Well, it
13
00:01:56,810 --> 00:01:58,310
worked.
14
00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:04,690
An ordinary Tuesday.
15
00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:07,950
The kind that falls between Monday and
Wednesday.
16
00:02:10,539 --> 00:02:13,540
Yes, any way you look at it, it was
Tuesday.
17
00:02:18,580 --> 00:02:19,640
It's Max!
18
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,340
Put a sock in the sack!
19
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,900
Allow me to introduce myself.
20
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,620
My name is Danger.
21
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:30,260
Johnny Danger.
22
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:31,940
Former Ranger.
23
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,460
And even stranger.
24
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,280
My cousin is Stuart Granger.
25
00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:42,580
I'm a private investigator.
26
00:02:43,220 --> 00:02:45,460
A PI, a Seamus, a Sloop, a gumshoe.
27
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,340
Things were kind of slow.
28
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,100
And then...
29
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,360
I want to see Johnny Danger.
30
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,160
And whom the heck are you?
31
00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:37,120
Laura Wigglesworth.
32
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,160
I'll see if Mr. Danger is in.
33
00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:44,220
What is it, Max?
34
00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:46,760
There's a Miss Wigglesworth here.
35
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,050
It may be a while. Take a long lunch.
36
00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:24,770
Well, when do you want me back?
37
00:04:27,510 --> 00:04:28,510
August.
38
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:38,550
I'm Johnny Danger.
39
00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:42,390
I'm Laura Wigglesworth.
40
00:04:43,130 --> 00:04:47,790
I saw right away this Laura was no
ordinary day.
41
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:54,200
Silky hair, sultry eyes, and a pair of
legs that started at her waist and went
42
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,880
all the way to the ground.
43
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:12,860
You were saying?
44
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,640
I need your help, Mr. Danger.
45
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,460
I need it bad.
46
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,600
Real bad.
47
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:24,880
Desperately.
48
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,240
I'm so frightened.
49
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,980
Someone is trying to kill my aunt.
50
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:38,140
I see.
51
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:40,360
What's your aunt's name?
52
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,480
Why would anyone want to kill her? And
who do you like in the World Series?
53
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:45,660
Rachel Crawfish.
54
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:48,020
You got me. And I like the St. Louis
Cardinals.
55
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,020
Rachel Carpish? Why would anyone want to
kill her?
56
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,560
And I like the Red Sox.
57
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,340
That's right. I don't know, and I feel
like the Carps.
58
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,880
So, what do you say?
59
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,060
Will you protect my aunt and bet ten
bucks on the series?
60
00:06:06,420 --> 00:06:07,420
You're wrong.
61
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:08,860
And you're wrong.
62
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,840
Good. You start eight o 'clock tonight
at my aunt's restaurant.
63
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:17,600
Rachel's place.
64
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,200
Don't be late.
65
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,780
What a woman.
66
00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:27,440
Litter and glitz on the outside.
67
00:06:28,060 --> 00:06:32,600
But on the inside, it's a hint of the
girl next door.
68
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,240
But one question kept nagging at me.
69
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,880
Where does she hide those drums?
70
00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:58,640
That man broke my heart, but his wife
broke my hand. I'm just an unlucky
71
00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,640
star.
72
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,720
Unlucky star.
73
00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:08,020
If you want to ride the fortune, find
another car.
74
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:13,460
Hello,
75
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,120
Laura. How did that sound?
76
00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:20,640
Marvelous, as usual.
77
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,140
Rachel was a knockout.
78
00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,520
And there was something else about her.
79
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:28,720
Something I couldn't quite put my finger
on.
80
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,020
Who is this?
81
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,360
That's the man.
82
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,580
Then it came to me.
83
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,100
She has good taste.
84
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,720
This is Johnny Danger, the private eye I
told you about.
85
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:45,980
Oh.
86
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,420
My niece seems to think I need
protection.
87
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,400
Can you protect me?
88
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:52,780
Are you kidding?
89
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,500
Why, my middle name's Turtle Whack.
90
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,820
Now, you two just go about your normal
business while I make myself
91
00:08:01,820 --> 00:08:02,820
inconspicuous.
92
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:08,920
For the next several hours, I cased the
joint. It was a hotbed of suspicious
93
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:09,920
activity.
94
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,500
Evening, Mrs. Wiggleworth.
95
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:16,360
Yeah, who says?
96
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,470
Well, gee, your sister's done a great
job. with this place.
97
00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:24,590
And you think I couldn't? Well, no, I
wasn't saying that. Is that what you're
98
00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:25,289
saying? No.
99
00:08:25,290 --> 00:08:26,290
Yes, you are. No.
100
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:27,770
You think I'm nothing.
101
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:29,050
I'm a nobody.
102
00:08:29,070 --> 00:08:32,669
But I'm a person. I have feelings and my
original nose.
103
00:08:35,370 --> 00:08:38,350
Gee, I wonder who dropped a scorpion in
her girdle.
104
00:08:42,470 --> 00:08:43,470
Hey, Mom.
105
00:08:43,809 --> 00:08:44,810
You want to play the numbers?
106
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:46,090
It only costs a dollar.
107
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:48,770
Who do I look like? The Bank of Harriet?
108
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:53,400
Excuse me.
109
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,840
You wouldn't happen to be Lara's
brother.
110
00:08:57,380 --> 00:08:59,480
I hope so. I'm wearing his underwear.
111
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,620
Mr. Danger.
112
00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:07,940
Officer Wigglesworth.
113
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:18,640
What do you want here?
114
00:09:20,110 --> 00:09:21,730
Fried chicken and a side of information.
115
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:28,950
I don't like you, Danger, because
wherever you go, trouble is sure to
116
00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:30,170
You follow?
117
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,250
I follow.
118
00:09:32,290 --> 00:09:34,730
Remember, we're on the same side of the
law.
119
00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:37,010
There's room for you and there's room
for me.
120
00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:41,190
Although, let's be quite honest, you
take up a lot more room than me.
121
00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:57,780
Hello, Johnny.
122
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:04,900
Care to wet your whistle?
123
00:10:06,020 --> 00:10:07,020
Why not?
124
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:11,980
You do know how to whistle, don't you?
125
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:13,520
Oh, sure.
126
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,520
You just put your lips together and go.
127
00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:26,890
See you later, big boy.
128
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:35,650
Well, I had a half Nelson on my heart.
129
00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:39,290
My pulse was racing. My head was
pounding. The room was spinning.
130
00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:45,030
Then I realized this wasn't love.
131
00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:47,110
Somebody had slipped me a Mickey.
132
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:13,260
like Orson Welles had been tap dancing
on my head.
133
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,200
Rachel. Oh.
134
00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:19,360
Oh, what time is it?
135
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,440
How long have I been out?
136
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:23,880
Oh. Rachel.
137
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,040
Stormy night.
138
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:51,580
I gathered everybody at the Wigglesworth
house.
139
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:03,440
Mr. Danger, it's a dark and stormy
night.
140
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,520
Why have you gathered us here at the
Wigglesworth house?
141
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,380
Because you all had two things in
common.
142
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:13,720
And what's that?
143
00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:15,580
You all knew Rachel Crawfish.
144
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,620
You're way off base here.
145
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,200
Rachel was loved.
146
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:26,680
Is that so?
147
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:32,900
Well, how did you feel about Rachel,
Harriet?
148
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,500
Hey, she was my sister.
149
00:12:36,740 --> 00:12:39,960
I, uh, sort of loved her.
150
00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:47,620
You were jealous of Rachel.
151
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:52,310
After all, you did loan her the money to
start... Rachel's place.
152
00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:56,070
But then, Rachel became rich and famous.
153
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,470
And what did you get?
154
00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:02,110
A chip on your shoulder the size of an
aircraft carrier.
155
00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:08,750
What are you trying to say, gumshoe?
156
00:13:27,910 --> 00:13:29,390
What? That's right.
157
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:32,950
You were running numbers and Rachel
found out about it, didn't she?
158
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:41,090
Yeah, but I was doing all the work and
she wanted 80 % of the action. It wasn't
159
00:13:41,090 --> 00:13:42,770
fair. No, it wasn't fair.
160
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,000
you didn't.
161
00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:01,860
Wait a minute.
162
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,220
Every time he accuses somebody, they
die.
163
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,360
Which brings me to you.
164
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:08,700
No.
165
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,300
Not so fast, Flatfoot.
166
00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:19,980
You're going to make headlines again.
167
00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:21,920
What are you talking about?
168
00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:25,480
You are being investigated for running a
citywide extortion scheme.
169
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,040
If a business didn't pay, well, they met
with a little accident.
170
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:33,440
Rachel was making millions. It wouldn't
have killed her to share the wealth a
171
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,540
little. Well, you killed her because he
didn't share the wealth.
172
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:12,790
Yes, sugar.
173
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:17,490
You mentioned earlier that Rachel was
loved.
174
00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:18,770
Did you love her?
175
00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:20,550
No, I didn't.
176
00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:23,950
Rachel was a hussy. She stole my name.
177
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,250
Judge Jenkins?
178
00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:29,850
That's right. And she convinced him to
put me away in a rest home.
179
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,920
would Rachel have your man, but she
would have your money.
180
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:45,139
Now, listen.
181
00:15:45,140 --> 00:15:51,640
I admit I had horseworsh with Rachel,
but I swear I didn't kill her. I didn't
182
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:52,640
kill her.
183
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:56,780
Now, Estelle, if we could only believe
you.
184
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:06,600
And we do believe you, Estelle.
185
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:19,050
Does this contract look familiar to you?
186
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:27,890
Yeah, I signed it when I read you
bringing me to America.
187
00:16:30,810 --> 00:16:34,930
Were you aware when you signed it that
it was a lifetime contract?
188
00:16:35,650 --> 00:16:37,470
No, for seven long years.
189
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:41,150
I beast, I stuff, and I fricassee for
her.
190
00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:44,750
And I ask her, let me start me own
restaurant.
191
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,000
You know, you have a little drool right
here.
192
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,280
Oh, thank you very much.
193
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:02,860
Now, Rachel destroyed your dream.
194
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,240
And that's why you killed me.
195
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,150
I ordered you to collect the extortion
money from Rachel.
196
00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:39,930
But not only did she refuse, she showed
you this.
197
00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:47,530
What's that?
198
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:50,610
Rachel secretly recorded your father's
demand for money.
199
00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:53,590
Isn't that right, Officer Wigglesworth?
200
00:17:54,510 --> 00:17:57,110
Well, she was going to leak it to the
press.
201
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,790
My career would have been ruined.
202
00:17:58,990 --> 00:17:59,990
Answer!
203
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:16,390
You did? Then why'd you let me shoot all
these people?
204
00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:19,850
I wanted to make you sweat a little.
205
00:18:21,910 --> 00:18:23,890
Well, now it's your turn, Johnny Danger.
206
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:25,790
Your turn to die.
207
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:27,770
There I was.
208
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:32,370
Face to face with Lady Jack. But I about
to take the long nap.
209
00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:33,850
The fiesta grande.
210
00:18:34,170 --> 00:18:35,590
The eternal snooze.
211
00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:37,570
Fiesta la bye -bye.
212
00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:41,650
Well, what are you waiting for?
213
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:43,920
to finish.
214
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,420
You're a strong woman.
215
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:58,600
All right, Johnny, you've got me.
216
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,140
I killed my Aunt Rachel. But why?
217
00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:10,660
I wanted to inherit the supper club.
218
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:13,670
And I killed the rest of the family
because I was last in line.
219
00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:19,030
Oh, you're cold, baby.
220
00:19:20,650 --> 00:19:22,190
Cold and irredistible.
221
00:19:24,570 --> 00:19:25,570
What do you think?
222
00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:27,850
I'm saying I'm crazy about you, kid.
223
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:29,850
You're under my skin.
224
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:33,470
I know you're poison, but I've been
bitten and I don't have an antidote.
225
00:19:36,950 --> 00:19:39,490
So, you're going to let me go?
226
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,480
I'm giving you a choice.
227
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,140
We can run away and spend the rest of
our lives together.
228
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,760
Or you can go to jail.
229
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:57,860
Chicago police?
230
00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:02,020
I've just killed seven people.
231
00:20:14,030 --> 00:20:17,390
Cops took Laura away, and I never saw
her again.
232
00:20:17,770 --> 00:20:24,630
But every time the cards played a
bullseye, I bowed my head and shed a
233
00:20:24,630 --> 00:20:26,650
the lovely Laura Wigglesworth.
234
00:20:27,850 --> 00:20:30,470
So, ladies, what did you think?
235
00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:35,150
Actually, I liked it. Oh, so did I. I
hope you win that writing contest.
236
00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:37,550
Come on, you two. It's late. Let's go
home.
237
00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:43,230
I'm just an un...
238
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:50,970
See, you wrote the story.
239
00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:53,410
Why didn't you have Johnny end up with
Laura?
240
00:20:54,430 --> 00:20:55,430
Simple,
241
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,130
sweetheart.
242
00:20:57,270 --> 00:20:59,710
I'm saving that ending for real life.
17605
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