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Warner Brothers Domestic Television
Distribution.
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Here, fishy, fishy.
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Shout time.
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Can I feed the fish? No, no, no, no, no,
sir.
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Nobody comes near this fish.
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Dad, what's the big deal?
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It belongs to Lieutenant Murtaugh.
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I am fishy sitting while he's in Las
Vegas searching for the future Mrs.
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Murtaugh.
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He may be gone a long...
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Anyone care to join us in a happy dance?
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00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:38,660
Hey, what's up?
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The Urkels are packing their car. It
looks like they're going on vacation.
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Oh, yeah.
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How much luggage?
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Two weeks' worth, easy.
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Two weeks without Steve Urkel?
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Wow.
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Maybe dreams really do come true.
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It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper
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page. Love and tradition of the grand
design, some people say it's even harder
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to find.
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Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
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Cause all I see is a tower of dreams,
real love bursting...
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on vacation, Steve?
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Why aren't you on vacation, Steve?
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Oh, well, it would have been
inappropriate for me to join my parents.
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on their second honeymoon.
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Oh, how romantic.
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Where'd they go?
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Well, my mother went to Washington to
visit the Smithsonian, and my dad went
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New York to see Clem Puddle's House of
Reptiles.
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You know, several questions come to mind
here.
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Oh, shoot.
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Your parents are taking separate second
honeymoons? Oh, yes. They desperately
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want to avoid the tragedy that resulted
from their first honeymoon.
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What was that? Me.
38
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Okay. Second question.
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Why would a guy spend his second
honeymoon at Clem Puddle's house of
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Now, first...
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For some reason, my father is fascinated
with animals that eat their own young.
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So, Steve, where are you going to be
staying while your parents are gone?
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Some relative's house far, far away?
44
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Is that pity I hear in your voice?
45
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No, it's hope.
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in that empty house all by yourself.
You're staying with us.
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She's my type.
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I know, Steve. I came down to sing
backup.
49
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Oh, and look, you even woke up Spike.
50
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Oh, you mean the terrifying Scolari?
51
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Right.
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I'm taking care of him for Lieutenant
Murtaugh.
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So that means no more late -night blues
sessions with V .B. Urkel.
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Got it. Hey, and bonsoir, big guy. Or as
they say in old Mexico, buenas noches,
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hombre grande.
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Viva Zapata.
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Steve got up early this morning and
fixed us a wonderful breakfast.
58
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What'd you make, Steve?
59
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Omelette. Oh, I love omelette.
60
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What kind?
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Liver and hentai.
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I'll let him go.
63
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out, Rich Meister.
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There's this kid at school who picks on
me. His name is Timmy Thompson, but we
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call him the Terminator.
66
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Oh, tough guy, huh?
67
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He told me he'll beat me up if I don't
give him a dollar every day, starting
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today. You know, I think you should tell
your mom.
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I can't. She told me never to play under
any circumstances.
70
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Oh, tell your teacher.
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She'll just make Timmy stay in the
corner for a while. Then after school,
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hit me over the head with his little
brother.
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Why are you telling me?
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I don't know. You just seem like the
kind of guy who gets beat up a lot.
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Me? Beat up a lot? Well, I... You're
very perceptive.
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Don't want to stand up to them.
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Richie, getting beat up feels real bad.
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But being afraid all the time, oh, that
feels even worse.
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I'm Mark. I have a study date with
Laura.
80
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:07,690
Ah, yes.
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Laura told me you'd be dropping by.
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Laura's out right now, but she's due
back shortly.
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Come on in, Mark.
84
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If that's your real name.
85
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Hey, are you Steve Urkel?
86
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Why, yes. How'd you know?
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You have a kick -me sign on your back.
88
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Why, those teachers always with the
darn...
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three forms of identification, and a
thumbprint.
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But first, would you kindly step into
the bathroom and fill this?
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00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:49,760
What?
92
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You object to a random drug test?
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I sure do.
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happened to you?
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I set off to tear me the Terminator.
96
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Guess what?
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He's a sucker for a left hook.
98
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Oh, well, way to go, Richie.
99
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Richard Crawford, you get up to your
room right now.
100
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,400
But, Mom. Go.
101
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Going.
102
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Steve,
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did you give my son some advice?
104
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:56,080
Well, I believe... Did you tell him that
it was okay to fight?
105
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:02,440
Well, now, not in those exact words.
Well, he took your advice, Steve, and he
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got into a fight today, and thanks to
you, he's been kicked out of preschool.
107
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Yes, Laura, my little dust bunny.
108
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:32,700
What did you do to my study date?
109
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Oh, you mean Mark, if that's his real
name.
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I just said hi to him and he crossed the
street, mumbling something about our
111
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,460
house having a nerd infestation.
112
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Well, success stones may break my bones,
but I'm here and he's not, baby.
113
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,040
If you ever have...
114
00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:47,680
Steve, where's Spice?
115
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:57,740
But, uh, Carl, I've got some bad news.
116
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And some good news.
117
00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:04,480
And some more bad news.
118
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:07,620
Spit it out.
119
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:24,920
Here goes.
120
00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:32,320
You see, Carl, I... I... I accidentally
sucked Spike up in the vacuum cleaner.
121
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What? Oh, my God!
122
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Oh, Carl, but the good news is that I
got him out.
123
00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:40,260
Oh, thank God.
124
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:43,920
But you know that more bad news I was
talking about?
125
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,860
Well, I, uh... I swallowed him.
126
00:14:54,990 --> 00:14:58,270
We've got to get him back. Oh, my God.
What's your plan?
127
00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,130
Hello, Winslow.
128
00:15:07,270 --> 00:15:09,670
Lieutenant Murtaugh.
129
00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,670
You're back early from Las Vegas.
130
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:15,570
Yeah, yeah.
131
00:15:15,810 --> 00:15:17,690
So, how's my fish?
132
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,710
Well, sir,
133
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:22,770
I... Well, uh, well...
134
00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:33,910
Something terrible has happened to your
fish.
135
00:15:35,290 --> 00:15:41,630
Terrible? Oh, there's no way to break
the news gently, so I might as well just
136
00:15:41,630 --> 00:15:43,330
come right out with the truth.
137
00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:45,130
Here goes.
138
00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:46,930
Your fish? Fish committed suicide.
139
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:49,650
He what?
140
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:54,690
Yes, sir. It was awful, sir.
141
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:04,660
The minute you left, well, Spike got so
very sad.
142
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,540
He stopped eating.
143
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,000
He stopped swimming.
144
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,000
Excuse me.
145
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,440
He just pressed his little face up
against the glass.
146
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:27,740
Oh, Pauline.
147
00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:32,089
for me.
148
00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:34,610
Or at least do a better job of it.
149
00:16:35,150 --> 00:16:38,090
Will somebody please tell me what
happened to my fish?
150
00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:41,590
Lou, I accidentally killed Spike.
151
00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:45,310
I sucked him up in that very vacuum
cleaner.
152
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:48,810
Oh, come on. That's pretty hard to
swallow.
153
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:13,240
The problem won't go away. I was in the
supermarket, and his mother tried to hit
154
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,560
me over the head with her husband.
155
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:20,099
Mom, Steve has got to go.
156
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,359
Okay, okay, okay.
157
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,740
Just give me a Mary Scott spike test.
158
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:32,180
Please. I don't deserve to be around ice
people.
159
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:38,270
Nice enough to let me stay in your home.
And I wanted to repay you.
160
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:41,570
But instead I messed everything up.
161
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Like I always do.
162
00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:49,910
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Uncle
Steve helped me.
163
00:17:50,850 --> 00:17:56,650
No, he didn't, honey. I mean, Steve, I
had to beg you back into that preschool.
164
00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:09,530
Yeah, and I was afraid to go to school,
and I wanted to be a whore for a night.
165
00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:14,730
To be a whore. You know, Laura, he's a
whore.
166
00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:17,370
I'm not upset about your study date.
167
00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:20,070
Mark? If that's real.
168
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:27,090
Well, then, I spiked just a mountain,
and he outlit what he's doing.
169
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,240
She sure got one hecka. I was about to
have a moment.
170
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,660
Uh, ma.
171
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,520
What were you doing up at Makeout
Mountain?
172
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:46,940
Hey, Carl, don't you think I can change
the subject?
173
00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:50,480
You know, ma, I want to light up in that
house tonight.
174
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:52,700
What the heck?
175
00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:56,960
What the heck? You know, that's my area.
176
00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:15,870
I was a garden. I'll be sure.
177
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:19,150
He told me he.
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that free. I had to stay.
179
00:19:45,020 --> 00:19:46,660
I had free Google Play.
13625
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