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1
00:00:07,330 --> 00:00:08,330
Sergeant Winslow?
2
00:00:18,270 --> 00:00:22,670
Why, Lieutenant Murtaugh, you look
dapper.
3
00:00:24,810 --> 00:00:25,810
Yes, I do.
4
00:00:26,070 --> 00:00:27,070
I'm a dapper dude.
5
00:00:29,650 --> 00:00:33,050
How can I help you, sir? You can help me
celebrate. I just bought a new car.
6
00:00:36,199 --> 00:00:37,199
Whoa.
7
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,040
Wow, what a beauty.
8
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,740
Yep. 1969 Pontiac Firebird convertible.
9
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:44,740
Are my dreams.
10
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,040
That must have cost you a pretty penny.
11
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:49,300
Yeah, I'm in hock up to my ascot.
12
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,280
That baby was worth it.
13
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:54,100
Not a scratch on her cherry.
14
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:10,780
Can you get your money back, sir?
15
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:17,160
Winslow, you recognize that person that
just hit my car?
16
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,840
I believe I do, sir.
17
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:22,540
Hi, Mom.
18
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:33,760
Carl, Carl, somebody popped their old
piece of junk right in our driveway.
19
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,580
Now, here's their license plate.
20
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,560
track them down and chew them out.
21
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:42,900
Hello, Lieutenant.
22
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,380
Nice ascot.
23
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:06,220
It's a rare condition this day and age
to read any good news on the newspaper
24
00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:09,889
page. Love and tradition of the grand
design.
25
00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:13,510
Some people say it's even harder to
find.
26
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:20,550
Well, isn't there must be some magic
clue inside these gentle walls?
27
00:02:22,030 --> 00:02:23,570
It's all I see.
28
00:02:23,950 --> 00:02:25,430
It's a tower of dreams.
29
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:28,530
Real love bursting out of everything.
30
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:36,610
It's the bigger love of the past.
31
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,540
Hey, Waldo, let's try and pick up some
chicks.
32
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,840
Forget it.
33
00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:55,259
How come?
34
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:56,340
We might get a hernia.
35
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,040
We should start off slow and maybe bench
press some little kids.
36
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:05,918
Yeah, right.
37
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,160
I guess I wasn't thinking.
38
00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:10,420
Later, man.
39
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,540
I'm going to lay some moves on Cheryl
Hansen.
40
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,280
Hey, baby.
41
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:28,560
Everything okay?
42
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,720
No, it's not.
43
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:32,400
Well, what's the matter?
44
00:03:33,460 --> 00:03:34,900
I can't talk to girls.
45
00:03:35,260 --> 00:03:37,380
Every time I'm around them, my mind goes
blank.
46
00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:39,880
Can you imagine that?
47
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,440
Actually, yeah.
48
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,520
Have you ever had a date?
49
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,580
I got close once. I almost went to the
movies with Vicky Vanderfanny.
50
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,730
You mean Hickey? Mickey.
51
00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:02,030
Yeah, but I was so nervous when I asked
her out that before she could answer, I
52
00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:03,030
barked all over her shoes.
53
00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:08,190
Gee, I hope they weren't suede.
54
00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:13,030
You know, I might as well face it. When
it comes to girls, I'm a loser.
55
00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:15,490
No, you're not. You're just a slow
starter.
56
00:04:16,010 --> 00:04:17,089
I'm a no starter.
57
00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:20,190
I once had a 976 number hang up on me.
58
00:04:25,470 --> 00:04:27,260
Waldo? I'll be right back.
59
00:04:27,540 --> 00:04:29,000
Yeah, that's what they all say.
60
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,680
Laura, I need your assistance.
61
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,900
I want you to talk to Waldo. I'm worried
about him.
62
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,240
Aren't we all?
63
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:39,900
No, no, really.
64
00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:46,040
He's real down on himself. And he could
use a few kind words from a lovely lady.
65
00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:48,820
Uh, Steve.
66
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:52,100
Look at his poor, pathetic face.
67
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,260
He's so sad. he can depress Richard
Simmons.
68
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,100
Well, hello, boys.
69
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:02,620
What'll it be?
70
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:04,700
Two root beer floats.
71
00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:05,980
Make mine a double.
72
00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:09,120
Bad day, Lou.
73
00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:12,620
He just bought a classic convertible and
had a little accident.
74
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,520
Little? Little?
75
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:16,780
Who'd you run into?
76
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:18,280
Somebody ran into me.
77
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:20,520
Tell her, tell her, tell her who ran
into me.
78
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:21,960
Go ahead, tell her.
79
00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:25,270
My mother.
80
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:27,130
Mother Wendell?
81
00:05:27,770 --> 00:05:28,770
Is he all right?
82
00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:30,830
Mrs. Knievel is fine.
83
00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:36,130
It's my car that's suffering.
84
00:05:37,210 --> 00:05:38,390
Is it smashed bad?
85
00:05:38,650 --> 00:05:41,790
Bad. If I want to see the taillights, I
got to open the glove box.
86
00:05:44,690 --> 00:05:48,890
No, no, I mean it, Waldo. You have a lot
of qualities girls really go for.
87
00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:50,790
I do?
88
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:52,150
Like what?
89
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:06,620
You are very... Anthem?
90
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,860
Let's just put it this way.
91
00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:18,280
You have the perfect face for your head.
92
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,420
Oh, cool. What else?
93
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,360
Well, you're sweet and you're sensitive.
94
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,680
You're courteous and you're kind.
95
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:34,580
I am?
96
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:36,599
That's right.
97
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,240
You know, I think you're one of the
nicest boys I ever met.
98
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:42,460
Oh, shit.
99
00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:43,660
You really mean it?
100
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:44,960
I sure do.
101
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,480
From the bottom of my heart.
102
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,240
Now, Waldo, did Laura perk you up a
little?
103
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,840
She sure did, but now I got a bigger
problem.
104
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,040
Well, what's that?
105
00:06:58,060 --> 00:06:59,060
Laura's in love with me.
106
00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:22,330
We do?
107
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,310
Well, don't think you're in love with
him.
108
00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:25,810
What?
109
00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:29,350
What in Sam Hill did you say to him,
woman?
110
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:35,670
I just wanted him to feel better about
himself, so I gave him a few
111
00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:41,190
Well, obviously the big dilute mistook
your compliments for expressions of
112
00:07:43,570 --> 00:07:44,570
Oh, great.
113
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:47,330
Look, you got me into this. Now how am I
going to get out of it?
114
00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:52,930
And do it before he falls in love with
you.
115
00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:55,310
Oh, come on, Steve. That won't happen.
116
00:07:56,170 --> 00:07:57,790
Oh, foolish woman.
117
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:03,050
You underestimate the awesome power of
your beauty.
118
00:08:03,410 --> 00:08:06,950
Well, I know better than any man the
inescapable spell that you cast.
119
00:08:10,270 --> 00:08:14,150
Steve, look, stop it. I've known Waldo
for years and he'd never be interested
120
00:08:14,150 --> 00:08:15,530
me. Oh, are you sure?
121
00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:20,590
Positive. The day Waldo falls for me is
the day I eat my science book.
122
00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:32,289
Hello, Laura, my love.
123
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:38,510
Bon appetit.
124
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,320
Clothes are red.
125
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,220
Violets are blue. Here.
126
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,000
Thanks.
127
00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:12,940
Plastic.
128
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:15,140
They last longer.
129
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,740
Especially if you change the water every
day.
130
00:09:19,940 --> 00:09:21,220
I'll be sure to do that.
131
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:43,520
Laura, I know I'm just wasting my time,
but would you like to kind of maybe go
132
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,520
out with me?
133
00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:46,560
Sort of tomorrow night, maybe?
134
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:49,180
Now let him down easy.
135
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,260
Sure, Waldo. Not that easy!
136
00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:00,300
Great, I'll pick you up at 7 .30.
137
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,980
Waldo, how could you do this to me?
138
00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:06,160
I'm sorry, Steve. I know how you feel
about Laura.
139
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,640
But like they said in the movie Love
Story, love means never having to say
140
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,860
sorry, Steve, but I'm taking your chick.
141
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,100
Waldo?
142
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,020
You're actually going out with Waldo? A
Waldo?
143
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:22,260
Baldo?
144
00:10:25,340 --> 00:10:26,340
That's right.
145
00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:29,840
Allow me to quote the 25th letter of the
alphabet.
146
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,320
Why?
147
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:38,180
I've been trying to convince Waldo that
girls find him attractive.
148
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,940
I couldn't turn right around and refuse
to go out with them.
149
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:44,260
Well, why not? You refused to go out
with me for the last decade.
150
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:48,820
Well, that's because you have self
-confidence.
151
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,120
I can turn you down without destroying
your ego.
152
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:56,040
Well, isn't that just a fine kettle of
fish?
153
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,350
out by the curb for pickup.
154
00:11:42,390 --> 00:11:45,970
If it isn't those new sweethearts, Waldo
and Laura.
155
00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:49,050
Would you like to order some grub, bub?
156
00:11:50,550 --> 00:11:51,550
Ladies first.
157
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:54,390
Waldo, is it okay if I have a
cheeseburger and some fries?
158
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,390
How bad do you want the fries?
159
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,890
Oh, what the heck, go for it.
160
00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,110
And what'll you have, Waldo?
161
00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:13,490
Water.
162
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:16,850
Coming right up.
163
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:20,490
Want a dance?
164
00:12:20,670 --> 00:12:21,670
Sure.
165
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,480
Slowly. Hey, I'm a rebel.
166
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:27,480
Oh, really?
167
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:30,100
Is that why you kept booing during the
movie?
168
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:31,960
I was upset.
169
00:13:32,260 --> 00:13:35,680
We drive all the way across town to see
The Prince of Ties, and there wasn't one
170
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:36,680
bit of surfing.
171
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:40,980
We should have went to see GIFT.
172
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:45,660
Oh, you mean JFK.
173
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,070
know how it's spelled.
174
00:14:08,270 --> 00:14:12,550
Laura, our relationship just is not
working out.
175
00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:16,030
It isn't?
176
00:14:16,370 --> 00:14:17,370
Uh -uh.
177
00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:21,550
Listen, I appreciate the nice things you
said to me, but we're just not a
178
00:14:21,550 --> 00:14:22,550
romantic couple.
179
00:14:24,850 --> 00:14:25,850
Really?
180
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,190
See, Laura, stop begging.
181
00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:36,190
It tears me apart.
182
00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:38,650
I'm sorry.
183
00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:41,330
I'll try to pull myself together.
184
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:48,190
I know you're upset, but you'll find
another guy.
185
00:14:49,490 --> 00:14:53,270
Oh, Waldo, thanks for letting me down so
gently.
186
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:55,950
No, thank you, Laura.
187
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,280
You're my first date and I'll never
forget you.
188
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:05,600
What?
189
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:10,500
Yes?
190
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:12,860
Your ring is stuck in my teeth.
191
00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:37,350
How was your dream date?
192
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:39,910
Not so hot. Waldo dumped me.
193
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:41,210
See, Dave?
194
00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:42,970
I mean, darn the luck.
195
00:15:44,270 --> 00:15:47,850
Steve, that's enough. I'm tired and I
want to go home. It's been a grueling
196
00:15:47,850 --> 00:15:52,850
night. Well, uh, now that Waldo's out of
the picture, does that make me your
197
00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:54,110
number one reject?
198
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:59,130
Sure, Steve. There's no one I want to
say no to more than you.
199
00:16:00,370 --> 00:16:02,210
Whoa! We have...
200
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,700
You know, Winslow, I've been thinking.
201
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,840
Your mother's just plain too old to
drive. Oh, she is not. Is too. Is not.
202
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,880
too. I called the DMV and found out her
driver's license number is seven.
203
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,320
Lieutenant, I would appreciate it if you
would stop with the mother driving
204
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,600
jokes, okay? You know, you put that
woman in a tank, she'd win the Medal of
205
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,540
Honor. All right, that's it, Lieutenant.
206
00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:30,300
Quit dissing my mama.
207
00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:34,810
Oh, gentlemen, is there a problem here?
208
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:38,490
Hey, I will say whatever I want,
whenever I want. Oh, yeah?
209
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,970
Yes. Anybody want a frozen banana?
210
00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:44,830
Lieutenant, you apologize to me right
now. And what if I don't?
211
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:48,390
Then I'm going to do my best to stuff
you into this coffee mug. You better
212
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:49,390
a lot of help.
213
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,310
Don't break that china.
214
00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:55,470
Now, here's a thought.
215
00:16:56,090 --> 00:17:01,850
Why don't the both of you grab a nice
cozy booth, and I'll bring you to...
216
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,839
A big slice of pie.
217
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,520
Pie. I love pie.
218
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:19,780
You want some pie, Winslow?
219
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,980
You wouldn't dare.
220
00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:25,300
Oh, I wouldn't, would I?
221
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:27,700
Here's your pie.
222
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,470
Chocolate cream, delicious.
223
00:17:45,590 --> 00:17:50,930
But I've got a different kind of pie for
you, Lieutenant.
224
00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:53,269
Oh, really?
225
00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:59,250
What kind of pie would that be? Oh, it's
called humble pie.
226
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:37,590
not alone.
227
00:18:47,990 --> 00:18:50,870
One pie, two guys.
228
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,630
Which guy's gonna get the pie?
229
00:18:54,850 --> 00:18:58,190
Place your bets. Drop it, nerd.
230
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:36,880
Look at us.
231
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:39,060
Two of Chicago's finest.
232
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,880
Throwing pies.
233
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:45,480
Winslow, I'm sorry.
234
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:48,580
I shouldn't have made disparaging
remarks about your mother.
235
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,980
I have great respect for you, and I
should show respect for all the other
236
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:52,980
members of your family.
237
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:55,380
Well, I appreciate that, sir.
238
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,880
You know, that's very big of you to
admit when you're wrong.
239
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,019
Yes, it is.
240
00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:00,100
I'm very big that way.
241
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:02,620
Friends.
242
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,080
Friends.
243
00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:12,350
And to show you just how sorry I am,
Carl,
244
00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:16,870
this pie is for you.
245
00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:32,630
You know, sir, that's quite a gesture.
246
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:33,970
Thank you.
247
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:43,420
But you know, I'd like to match that
gesture with a gesture of my own.
248
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:47,660
Lieutenant,
249
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,960
this pie is for you.
17887
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