Original subtitles

Laura, my beautiful bonbon.

Steve, I'm busy, so I don't have time for you to pester me.

Oh, don't sweat, my pet. I'm here pestering your pop.

Now, where is the big log?

I don't know. I haven't seen him all day.

I was hoping I could say the same thing about you.

Oh, you crack me up. Now, listen.

I could use some advice.

Never sit in a chair backwards.

No, no, no. I... I've done something that might upset your dad just a tad.

You didn't borrow another pair of his boxing shorts, did you?

No. My parents finally fought for a real movie screen.

What I need from you is advice on how to bring bad news to your father.

Well, just come right out... Not with it. It only annoys him if you beat

the bush.

Gotcha. No bush beating.

Unless... Unless he's in a bad mood.

Then they're clear. Make yourself scarce.

No siree. When it's the coward's way out, I've made a mistake and I'm gonna

up to it like a man.

Hey there.

Yeah.

What's the matter?

The dentist just gave me a root canal.

What do you want?

Oop. Ciao.

It's a rare condition this day and age.

to read any good news on the newspaper page. Love and tradition of the grand

design. Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

It's all I see.

It's a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of everything.

We're going to fill our house with happiness.

But we'll smother the blues with tenderness.

There's room for you, room for me.

Potential hearts and opportunities.

we go to a clearance sale, we get yelled at, we stand in line for hours, we get

shoved, we get pushed, and all to save $3 on a sweater.

Fun, isn't it? Yeah!

Love it. Let's do it again tomorrow.

Hi, sweetie.

How are you doing?

Hi. Hey.

What's all this?

Well, I sat down to add these pictures to the family photo album, and then I

started looking at the old ones.

That was $3.

hours ago.

Oh, look at this old picture. Who's that?

Uh, that's either Reverend Shaw or my bookie.

They both had shifty eyes.

Oh, look.

Little Carl takes his first steps. Yep, straight to the refrigerator.

You know, some of these photos go back a long...

I know.

You know, I realize today that a lot of our family history will be lost when I

die. Oh, come on now. That won't be for a long, long time. Well, I hope you're

right. But still, I'd like to sit the kids down and tell them about our

Oh, I think that's a terrific idea.

Me too. I think our children should know where they come from.

Oh, hey, look.

He is fine.

That's why I married him.

That's it.

Let's get it, girl.

Go ahead.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not bad for a beginner.

Let's check out the dance rep.

I want to talk to you about something.

What's up? Well, I want us to go through this photo album and talk about our

family history.

Gotta go.

I might have to rethink

my strategy.

Oh, what are my little way of sunshine?

What do you want, Steve?

Your hand in marriage and 2 .3 children.

I might like to talk to Carl. Is he in a better mood? Oh, he's cheered way up.

Oh, goody gumdrops. But he's having dessert.

It's risky to talk to him when he's in a bad mood, but it's suicidal to

interrupt him while he's having chocolate milk and s'mores.

Oh, dear.

We'll see you later.

Wait, Laura.

You actually took the time to warn me.

So? So you love me, don't you?

No.

Hey, Mama.

Hello, Edward.

How was your study day?

Um, terrible.

All she wanted to do was study.

History? Yeah.

We're studying World War II.

Boring. A lot for the people who went through it.

Listen, Edward.

I'm a little disappointed in you.

Uh -oh. What did I do now?

Well, earlier tonight, your grandmother was trying to talk to you about your

family history, and you ran out on her.

Mom, the other kids did, too.

Well, Mom, the other kids did, too.

Edward, you're the oldest.

You're supposed to be trying to set a good example.

If you hadn't listened to your grandmother, the other kids would have

your lead.

Mom, the other kids feel exactly the same way I do. If we want to learn

something about the past, we just watch The Wonder Years.

talking go home steve no kiddo big guy you and i need to talk oh all right

what is it do you remember a few months ago when you brought home the brochure

for the prison pen pal program sure pppp well it seemed like a darn fine

idea so i picked out a name and started writing letters well good for you steve

what name did you pick Well, one name just leaped right out at me.

Elmerita Puckerwood.

Whoa. That name would leap out at anybody.

Well, at first our letters were enlightened friendly.

But then... Oh, but then... Then?

Well, Elmerita's prose became flowery and rather intimate.

Uh -oh.

I realized too late that El Marina had fallen in love with me.

A woman in prison fell in

love with you?

That's kind of funny.

Yeah, well, I guess it is.

You know, I wrote back several times assuring her that the feeling wasn't

mutual, but...

She just thought I was playing hard to get.

That's hilarious.

Now, here's the really funny part.

Elmarita begged me to send her a picture of myself.

You shouldn't have done that, Steve.

Well, I know, and I'm really sorry.

Well, that's no biggie. After all, the woman is in federal prison.

No harm done.

Well... Well what?

She might be getting out soon.

How soon?

My name is Carl Winslow. That's fine.

You can call yourself whatever you want.

But when the lights go out, your name is going to be old.

There's a fascinating story about that.

What a long time. Uh, no, he's gonna stay. Uh, Steve, would you please tell

Puckerwood exactly what is going on here?

Oh, yeah.

Well, you see, I wrote those letters.

I'm Stephen Q. Urkel.

I don't believe that for one red -hot second. Oh, no, it's true. You see, he

wrote the letter, but he sent you my picture.

Oh, and you're the one I fell in love with.

I ain't seen a man in seven years.

And you look close to what I remember.

I'm sorry,

but there's nothing that's going to happen between us. What?

Time out. Time out.

Carl and I need to have a brief corner caucus. We'll be right back.

Well, what is it, Steve?

Oh, Carl, you need to be real careful how you handle that Marita.

Well,

I know that.

Uh -huh, but what you don't know is why she was in prison.

Uh, well, why?

She shot a man who turned her down.

But you should know that.

Almerida.

Yes?

You know, you... You are a stunning woman.

Well, it's about time you noticed.

Yes, yes. You know, and I also noticed that when the light... Hits your face

from a certain angle, you look exactly like Diana Ross.

What kind of undiscovered angle is that, Carl?

Diana Ross, huh?

Well, text me in the morning.

Gosh,

there's nothing I'd like better.

But unfortunately, I'm a married man.

You are happily married? Oh, yes, very happy, very, very, very happy.

Then why did you turn on my oven if you wasn't ready to cook?

Well, it's all been a terrible, tragic mix -up. Right, Steve?

Oh, a terrible, tragic mix -up.

Now, Marita, I'd like to help you get a fresh start.

As a matter of fact, I know some companies who may be hiring ex -cons.

You mean you can get me a job? Well, I can try.

Do you have a place to stay?

Well, no, but I was, uh, huh, planning on bunking up with you, baby.

Well, I know there's a halfway house right nearby here. As a matter of fact,

it's so close, we're halfway there.

Bye, Elmerita. Hey, and don't forget to write.

You sure you don't want to fool around?

I'm real tempted, Elmerita.

But I just can't do it.

Okay, but it's your loss.

For your information, I got a full -body tattoo of the United States.

And I was going to give you a geography lesson you'd never forget.

Sucker.

Dave, we've been studying World War II.

Open your books to page 189.

Waldo, would you please read the chapter, Eddie?

Waldo.

Out loud.

Out cold.

The fighter pilot.

Thank you, Mr. Waldo.

Hey, I'm here from two to three every day.

Today we're going to learn a little about the role fighter pilots played in

Second World War.

But you can put away your books now because we have a guest speaker.

First a question.

How many of you have relatives who fought in World War II?

Doesn't matter which side.

Not really?

Good, because my uncle accidentally joined the Italian Army.

Eddie, how about you? Any relatives who fought in the war?

I really don't know.

In that case, I want you to pay extra close attention.

Class.

Please welcome Estelle Winslow.

Hey, Eddie. That butterfly looks like your grandma.

Hello, everyone.

Hi.

Now, I'd like to talk to you about the Tuskegee Airmen.

Does anyone here know who they were?

Eddie?

Uh, uh, no.

The Tuskegee Airmen were black pilots who fought during World War II.

That's right.

In those days, the armed services were segregated, so they had to form their

unit. Life, please.

I became the 332nd Fighter Group of the Army Air Corps.

And my husband, Sam Winslow, was one of them.

Your grandfather was a fighter pilot?

Well, yeah.

Sure, baby.

There's a lot of him in me.

This is Sam's fighter. A single -engine P -47. He called the Brown Bombshell.

Obviously, he named it after me.

Boys, that's enough.

Oh, that's okay. Let the boys express themselves.

During the war, the pilots of the 332nd Fighter Group flew more than 15 ,000

missions. 200 of those were as heavy bomber escorts deep into Germany.

Not one bomber was lost to enemy fighter opposition.

They were the only group to have that record.

Eddie, your grandmother's pretty cool.

Yeah, she sure is.

You should have seen her. Grandma was incredible.

The bell rang, and nobody left.

Hey, that's the sign of a top -notch storyteller. What can I say? I'm gifted.

But I want you to give your mother credit, too. It was her idea that I go

your class.

You're here.

Hey, Ma, why'd you waste such a cool idea on Eddie?

I lost my head.