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1
00:00:04,199 --> 00:00:05,199
No.
2
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,820
Are you sure you don't want to go
skating with us? Yeah, come on, Dad.
3
00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:10,120
Nah, no thanks.
4
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:11,520
I'm too tired.
5
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:15,240
You were right, Aunt Harriet.
6
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,760
He is a lazy sack of potatoes.
7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,020
I, uh, I said it with love.
8
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:24,920
Hey,
9
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,480
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
10
00:00:27,540 --> 00:00:30,060
Hey, I worked a double shift last night.
I'm dead tired.
11
00:00:30,420 --> 00:00:33,220
All I want to do is I want to dent this
couch.
12
00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:36,070
Now, you certainly are built for the
job.
13
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,280
furniture. My God, we've been robbed.
14
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,140
Let's check the rest of the house.
15
00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:48,780
I'm going to call the police.
16
00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:50,780
What? I am the police.
17
00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:57,260
Rachel, if the other guys find out that
I, well, that I slept through the
18
00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:59,220
robbery of my own home, I'll be a
laughingstock.
19
00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:10,770
Wait a minute.
20
00:02:12,690 --> 00:02:15,210
My parents tried this once.
21
00:02:16,590 --> 00:02:17,590
Tried what?
22
00:02:17,910 --> 00:02:20,290
You're moving and you're not telling me.
23
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:36,450
It's a rare condition this day and age.
24
00:02:36,810 --> 00:02:42,670
To read any good news on the newspaper
page. Love and tradition of the grand
25
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:43,670
design.
26
00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:46,770
Some people say it's even harder to
find.
27
00:02:48,010 --> 00:02:53,910
Well, there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.
28
00:02:55,070 --> 00:02:58,830
All I see is a tower of dreams.
29
00:02:59,050 --> 00:03:01,230
Real love bursting out of it.
30
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:34,010
You find any print, Al? No.
31
00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:38,390
But don't worry, Sleeping Beauty.
Someday your prince will come.
32
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,200
Real few.
33
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,340
It'll be a long time before you make
sergeant.
34
00:03:55,800 --> 00:04:02,040
So, Rip Van Winslow, I'm almost finished
with this robbery report.
35
00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:04,600
Can you give me a description of the
perpetrators?
36
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:06,978
Oh, yeah.
37
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:07,980
I forgot.
38
00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:09,300
You were asleep.
39
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:15,439
That's it.
40
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,640
Get it all out. Get it all out. That's
right.
41
00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:21,700
I'm sorry to pressure you, Winslow, but
I gotta get this info before you doze
42
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:22,700
off again.
43
00:04:26,980 --> 00:04:28,760
Okay. All right.
44
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:31,320
Make your little jests at my expense.
45
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,740
But I will have the last laugh.
46
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:38,980
And do you know why I will have the last
laugh?
47
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,480
Because you're so well -rested?
48
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,920
remember, I will find my furniture.
49
00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:59,280
I will track down the lowlife or
lowlifes who dare do this dirty deed to
50
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,360
they will pay.
51
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:07,720
And all of my fellow officers will say,
hey Sarge,
52
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:14,080
you are one heck of a cop. And they will
circle around me in a giant donut of
53
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,080
admiration.
54
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:24,200
Winslow, I've misjudged you. You're not
the kind of guy who takes things lying
55
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,920
down. That's right. No, sirree.
56
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,720
You're the kind of guy who lies down
while other people take things.
57
00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:41,980
Hi,
58
00:05:44,980 --> 00:05:47,340
guys. Steve, I'm so glad to see you.
59
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,780
Really? Well, you may find this hard to
believe, Edo, but that's the first time
60
00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:56,320
in my entire life I've ever heard that
phrase.
61
00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:00,820
We're studying for the big chemistry
exam tomorrow.
62
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,160
Oh, good.
63
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:06,520
No, it isn't. I'm way behind. I'm going
to flunk big time.
64
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:10,340
Oh, don't be a fuddy -duddy. I'll be
your study buddy.
65
00:06:18,730 --> 00:06:20,990
Steve, I could study all night and I'd
still funk.
66
00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:23,050
I'm a dead man.
67
00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:27,710
Unless... Unless what?
68
00:06:28,890 --> 00:06:31,610
Unless maybe you'd be willing to help
me.
69
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:34,010
Well, I just told you, Adol.
70
00:06:34,230 --> 00:06:41,150
Me noggin' and Sue noggin'. No, what I
meant is maybe you could help
71
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,710
me during the test.
72
00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:44,510
Steve!
73
00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:49,610
I prefer to call it sharing.
74
00:06:51,550 --> 00:06:53,410
Well, I, for one, am appalled.
75
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,710
Why are you upset, Waldo?
76
00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:58,830
Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should
know that.
77
00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:05,230
I may get Fs, but by God, I earned them.
78
00:07:09,710 --> 00:07:14,670
I never thought I'd see the day when I
actually agreed with Waldo Geraldo
79
00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:22,020
I want you to forget this cheating
nonsense post -prontal. But why?
80
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,820
Ed, oh, cheating is like wearing your
grandmother's underpants.
81
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,960
Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if
you make a habit of it, you've got a
82
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:32,960
serious problem.
83
00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:36,900
But it won't become a habit, Steve.
84
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,500
Help me just this once, and I promise
from now on I'll actually study.
85
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,640
Ah, no, no way. Sorry, ain't gonna
happen.
86
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:46,060
Steve, I have nowhere else to turn.
87
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,120
I need you, buddy.
88
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,500
Will you come through for me?
89
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,400
Please?
90
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,280
Go.
91
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:06,940
All right, I'll do it. But one time, and
only on one condition. Anything.
92
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,760
You have to promise to study chemistry
with me night and day until you're
93
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,940
up. You got it. Thanks, Steve.
94
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,180
Now we need a place.
95
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,230
Hey, here's one. How about you give me
the answers?
96
00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:23,790
Clever, but will it work?
97
00:08:32,409 --> 00:08:33,409
Now, wait a minute.
98
00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:36,330
The test is multiple choice.
99
00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:39,010
So we'll need a secret code.
100
00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:44,010
A way of communicating that will appear
to be normal everyday behavior.
101
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:53,550
answer is A, I'll sneeze.
102
00:08:55,670 --> 00:09:01,690
And if the answer is B, I'll subtly
cough.
103
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:06,070
And if the answer is C, I'll blow my
nose.
104
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:11,090
And if the answer is D, I'll hiccup.
105
00:09:11,790 --> 00:09:12,790
Great!
106
00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:14,550
That's perfect!
107
00:09:14,830 --> 00:09:18,990
Oh, yes, it's perfect. And to the
teacher, it will appear that I merely
108
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:19,990
common cold.
109
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,540
Steve, you are a genius.
110
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,460
Oh, then why do I feel so dirty?
111
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:36,500
Lee, what's with you?
112
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,960
Oh, Waldo, I've come down with this
awful cold.
113
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,220
All right, everybody in your seats,
let's go.
114
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:58,600
I put the tests on your desk face down.
Now, no one turn them over until it's so
115
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,440
nice of you to join us, Mr. Winslow.
116
00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:04,120
Sorry I'm so late, sir, that I was
studying real hard.
117
00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:06,140
Well, glad to hear it. Sit down.
118
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,300
All right, turn your papers over.
119
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:20,080
We have 40 minutes beginning now.
120
00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:28,950
Oh.
121
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,490
We having a problem controlling our
bodily fluids?
122
00:11:15,310 --> 00:11:21,390
Well, well, I certainly am, sir. I woke
up this morning with a cold.
123
00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:27,050
And you decided to bring it into us for
show and tell.
124
00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:30,090
Good one.
125
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:31,470
Oh.
126
00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:36,690
I see.
127
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,050
Good cover.
128
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:43,910
I'm not... Robert, you know, I really
did wake up this morning with a cold. No
129
00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:44,910
talking.
130
00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:13,590
Give me the answers to the test.
131
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:31,090
What might this be, Mr. Urkel?
132
00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:35,790
Well, this looks like the answers to the
test.
133
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:40,130
1A, 2C...
134
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,780
3B? Cut that out!
135
00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:55,560
Well, Mr. Urkel, whom were you helping
to cheat?
136
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,000
I'm waiting.
137
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:08,160
I want you to go straight to the
principal's office and
138
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,100
give him one good reason.
139
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,640
Why he shouldn't expel you for cheating.
140
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,660
And the subject is closed.
141
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,420
So you didn't find our furniture?
142
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,740
Great. Look what you've gone and done.
143
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:06,860
You've gone and opened up the subject.
144
00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:12,720
Carl, I'm tired of sitting on these lawn
chairs.
145
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,560
My butt's starting to look like the top
of a cherry pie.
146
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:22,640
Harriet, this whole thing is starting to
get to me. I'm starting to doubt
147
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,860
myself. Carl, what do you mean?
148
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,120
Well, I mean, I can't believe I slept
through the whole robbery.
149
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:29,680
This is not like me.
150
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,220
I'm a light sleeper.
151
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:33,780
I got the reflexes of a jungle cat.
152
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,180
That's true, Carl.
153
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,500
You know, I remember when the kids were
little and needed their middle -of -the
154
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:46,339
-night feeding.
155
00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:51,900
You were the first one to wake up and
say, Harriet, get up and feed the kids.
156
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,360
ugly, guilty mug down to the principal's
office and come clean?
157
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:02,500
Hadn't planned on it.
158
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:06,980
Well, why not?
159
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,780
Laura, one person is already in trouble.
160
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,900
If I confess, two people will be in
trouble.
161
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,220
All that does is put more people in
trouble.
162
00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:20,860
I wouldn't be able to live with that.
163
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,340
Eddie, you forced Steve to cheat.
164
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,280
And now when he needs you, you leave him
high and dry.
165
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,940
Eddie, Steve was a real friend to you,
and it's about time you returned the
166
00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:32,940
favor.
167
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,040
God, I love you.
168
00:15:42,580 --> 00:15:43,580
You're right.
169
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,960
This whole thing is my fault.
170
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,220
Tomorrow morning, I'll go down to
Principal Shimada's office, and I'll
171
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,220
the truth.
172
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,600
Thanks, Edo.
173
00:15:58,020 --> 00:15:59,440
I knew you'd come through.
174
00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:22,540
A little shot of this gas and Winslow
will be sleeping like
175
00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:23,540
a baby.
176
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:28,060
Why are we robbing the same place twice?
I thought we got everything.
177
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,960
Humiliation, my dim -witted friend.
178
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:35,540
Carl Winslow nailed me at the peak of my
career.
179
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,620
You should have seen me, Ned.
180
00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:40,220
I was slick and sinewy.
181
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:45,460
I could slip through a house like thread
through the eye of a needle.
182
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,040
Must have been when homes were a lot
bigger, huh?
183
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,280
Ned, come here.
184
00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:00,290
Carl Winslow ruined my life.
185
00:17:01,010 --> 00:17:04,869
You know what 12 long years in a federal
penitentiary can do to a man?
186
00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:08,750
Turn him into a twisted, demented
sociopath like yourself?
187
00:17:12,609 --> 00:17:17,569
Hey, I was a legend once, and I could be
a legend again.
188
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:19,589
You stick with me, Ned?
189
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:24,089
One day, they'll write a song about us.
190
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:26,990
Gee, I hope it's not rap.
191
00:17:27,569 --> 00:17:28,650
I hate rap.
192
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,200
Can we talk to you for a minute? Sure.
193
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:57,379
Sit down.
194
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,380
Make yourselves uncomfortable.
195
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:03,900
What's up?
196
00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:05,720
Well, actually, this is Eddie's story.
197
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,940
All you'll hear from me is an
occasional, mm -hmm, that's right.
198
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,100
That's enough, Steve.
199
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,200
Mm -hmm, that's right.
200
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:22,060
Dad, I did something really stupid at
school, and I'm going to get in trouble
201
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:22,959
for it.
202
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,240
So I thought I should let you know about
it before you get a call from the
203
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,660
principal. Uh -oh.
204
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,120
This sounds serious.
205
00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:31,260
What'd you do?
206
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:39,080
Well, I... I... I cheated on my test.
207
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,420
Mm -hmm.
208
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,540
That's right.
209
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:47,840
You cheated?
210
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:51,840
There.
211
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,080
You cheated.
212
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:03,780
Yes, sir. Edward, I can't remember the
last time I've been so angry.
213
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:06,700
And sleepy.
214
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,900
I'm sleepy, too.
215
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:13,120
Uh -huh.
216
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:15,440
That's right.
217
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,080
It's in my shovel. Take it easy. I'm a
bleeder.
218
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:35,780
You cheated.
219
00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:37,540
You're grounded.
220
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,880
Get over here!
221
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,860
Terbium, 158 .92 TB.
222
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,360
Terbium, 158 .92 TB.
223
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:56,620
Dysprosium, 162 .50 DY.
224
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,620
Dyspr... Did?
225
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,320
Man, this is disgusting.
226
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,860
Can we take a break from this chemistry
stuff?
227
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:09,680
Negatory, Edo. Now, we have to be able
to recite the periodic table of the
228
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:14,580
elements before Mr. Shimada will lift
our suspension. And I want to get back
229
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,760
school. I simply crave academic
nourishment.
230
00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:22,420
Now, where were we?
231
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:25,340
Ah, hold, ma 'am. My personal fave.
232
00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:27,780
164 .9.
233
00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:29,430
H -O.
234
00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:31,430
169 point something.
235
00:20:31,790 --> 00:20:32,790
No!
236
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:38,150
Okay.
237
00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:43,610
Okay,
238
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:48,410
yeah, put it right down there. Yeah, the
last little bit. Yeah, right there.
17764
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