All language subtitles for diffrent_strokes_s08e15_arnolds_tangled_web

Now the world don't move, to the feet of
just one drum.

What might be right for you, may not be
right for some.

A man is born, he's a man of me.

Then along come two, they got nothing
but the genes.

But they got different strokes to take,
different strokes to take, different

strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind.

Two B's, two C's, and a C+. Not bad,
Charlie.

I was lucky.

Miss Lumberjee gave me a C in French,
and it took me three weeks to learn how

pronounce her name right.

Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold.

Something wrong with your report card?

Yeah, nothing you couldn't fix with a
paper shredder.

B, B +, C +, B.

Hey, and that last B looks like an F.

That is an F.

Arnold Flunk, geometry!

A little louder. The crew in the kitchen
didn't hear that.

It's only a midterm grade.

You'll be able to pass a course.

Well, it's not like I don't like to
study.

I just don't get telemetry.

Math used to be easy. If the answer was
72, you answered 72.

Now, if I thought to be this and
perpendicular to that, I missed 72.

Yeah, 72 is my favorite answer.

Next to none of the above.

You've got bad trouble now, Arnold. I
remember what my father did when I

home an ass.

And I'm stupid.

I feel awful.

My dad's really going to be
disappointed.

Arnold, not making the chess team is
disappointing.

And that will get you killed.

No way.

My dad will be disappointed, but he'll
understand.

Hello, Sam.

What have you got there?

It's a model dinosaur my mama gave it to
me.

Visible brontosaurus, huh?

Yeah, it's got 412 interlocking bones.

It only sounds like 411 to me.

Could you help me put it together?

Oh, unfortunately, Sam, I've never been
very good at that sort of thing. I once

had a model airplane kit.

That plane had a better chance of flying
while it was still in the box.

for ages nine and up. I can be the nine
and you can be the and up.

All right, Sam. Let's give it a shot.

Here's the vertebrae.

Okay.

Only 411 pieces left to go.

Hi, Arnold. Hi.

Hi, Arnold. Mr. D's gonna help me put my
model together.

Uh -oh. If Dad helps, don't expect it to
fly.

How's the Hastings project?

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

That's Lou Jennings, isn't it?

Well, it's the third time that that's
happened.

We've got to let him go.

Oh, I know, Dave. I like him, too.

But let's face it. The man has failed.

Well, look, I brought him into the
company.

I'll tell him myself.

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

Mr. D?

I'm afraid so, Sam. It's not a pleasant
thing to do, but I have no choice.

I don't think it's fair to fire somebody
just because they failed one subject.

It's not a matter of fairness, son.
What?

Failed one subject?

I mean, messed up one project.

The project's not the most important
thing, Arnold.

We put faith in this man, and he let us
down.

Now, if you don't take strong and
immediate action when a man fails, it's

influence on all the others.

Still, it never gets any easier having
to fire somebody.

You're not going to fire me if I mess up
a dinosaur, are you?

Trust me, Sam, I have never yet fired
anybody for messing up a dinosaur.

What about for flunking geometry?

The Iron Ring, headbusters, a Bongo
Humphrey.

Fundamentally, my foundation is
grappling.

I better start to do a lot more stand
-up.

My record is 600, so I'm undefeated.
Iron Ring, Tuesdays at 10 .30.

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-hmm.

Wow. What is that?

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Thanks. Tell us again how understanding
your father is. Oh, cut it out. This is

serious. Where's Spider? Don't be so
nervous. He'll be here.

Why do you call him Spider anyway?

Because his father's using cockroach.

Are you Spider?

You're the kid with the problem and the
money?

That's me.

Then I'm Spider.

I'm not into touching.

What are you two? UN observers?

Rich friends.

I'm thrilled beyond words.

Are you sure you don't have something
important to do?

Nope, not me.

Do you consider breathing important?

Let's go.

So what do you need, kid? I got phony
ID, birth certificate, social security

cards. I even got a special this month
on green cards.

Do I look like I need a green card?

How do I know you're not covering up an
accent?

So, what do you need?

Well, I need a new report card.

A flunked geometry.

And if you can't do that, I'll settle
for a passport.

Flunked geometry, huh?

There seems to be a lot of that going
around.

May I see the offending document?

Oh, come on. Are you going to fix it or
are you going

to eat it?

Big talk from a math dummy.

I was checking the paper stock in the
ink.

You got three options.

For $20, I'll forge your father's
signature.

For $40, I'll get you a new report card
for him to sign with the grades of your

choice. And for $75, I'll get you a new
report card with the grades. I'll change

them, and then I'll change them back
again before you hand it in.

I can't believe I'm getting involved
with an insect.

It is not an insect. It is an arachnid.

One more remark like that and I'll
change your biology grade to an F.

So what'll it be?

My dad's pretty preoccupied with work
these days, so maybe he won't notice if

didn't give it to him.

Do you think he could find his name so
no one will know?

Are you kidding? I can copy the
signature in the dark.

It's diamond, right?

Drumming.

Just kidding.

Hi, Arnold. How's school?

Uh, uh, school, school is fine.

Fine, just fine.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm just trying to figure out what
the 10th through the 14th breast bones

on this model are connected to.

Hi, everybody.

Hey, Sam. Hi, Sam.

Mr. D, you started without me.

Well, I just wanted to get us past this
critical rib part here, Sam.

I got my report card today.

Well, good. Let me see it.

Ivan did good and pays attention in
class.

That's great, Sam.

Yeah, I learned to sleep with my eyes
open.

Sam, it is a real pleasure for me to
sign a report card like this.

Arnold, where's your report card?

Uh, we didn't get them.

But I saw some high school kids with
their report cards.

Really?

Those must have been some other high
school kids from another school.

That's it. We don't get ours until next
week.

I always look forward to your report
card.

One thing I'm grateful for, you kids
have always made me feel proud of you

it came to your grades.

Thanks, Mr. D.

Man, you're in bad trouble now.

You should have just let your dad see
the app.

Look. Spider, maybe you can just give me
a phony idea and I can tell my dad I'm

someone else.

You should have just let me change the
grades in the first place.

That's the trouble with American society
today.

Too many people take the easy and
expensive option rather than going for

higher price quality product.

Then they complain about shoddy
merchandise and our industrial base

morass of mediocrity.

Ain't it the truth.

I feel bad enough without having to
listen to a lecture on society's

from a guy named after the rat man.

Hey.

I am a skilled craftsman dealing in an
important service.

Or don't you need it anymore?

I need it. I need it.

And I have the report card.

What grades is he going to get?

It all depends on what he deserves. We
have to earn good grades.

How am I going to do that?

by showing a grasp of the fundamentals?

I'll test you.

Let's take math, for instance.

If my bookie owes me 50 bucks and I lose
back 30, how much does he owe me?

20. A in math.

Okay, here's history. What came first?
Happy days or Laverne and Shirley?

Happy days.

A in history.

Okay, what else do you think, kid?

French. Hey, I don't know any French.

So since you know more than me, A in
French.

You're hot now.

Keep going. What's the biology question?

There isn't any.

He thought a spider was an insect.

I can only give you a B.

And we'll give you a B in English just
so the biology doesn't feel so lonely.

There you go.

Three A's and two B's.

Not bad at all. You're almost an A
student.

Is America a great country or what?

stop for dinner. Looking at all these
bones makes me hungry.

Now we've got to finish the tail.

Mr. D., I'm really hungry.

Do you know what Pearl's making for
dinner?

Well, she said she'd been inspired by
her dinosaur.

She's making ribs.

Well, that piece must be around here
someplace.

Well, maybe the tail doesn't come to a
point.

Well, I think it's going to look so
unfinished without that point at the end

the tail.

Not to mention its head.

Well, keep looking, will you?

By the way, has Arnold come home from
school yet?

Oh, yeah.

He went back out, but he asked me to
give you his report card.

Oh.

Sam, I told you not to put your gum in
your pocket.

Oh, that's not my gum. That's Richard's.

Well, don't put anybody's gum in your
pocket.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

These grades are really outstanding.

Three A's and two B's.

I can't believe that Arnold didn't want
to show me this himself.

This is the kind of report card he used
to use to try and get a raise in his

allowance.

Yeah, he's probably out shopping for a
sports car.

I'll get it, Mr. D.

Hi, guys.

Hi, is all home short stuff?

No. And don't call me short stuff,
stubby.

Ma 'am, that is not a very polite thing
for you to do.

Come in, guys.

Hi, Mr. Drummond. Hi. Come with,
Farnell. We won't need any food.

We always eat food here.

Help yourself, boys. Pearl's in the
kitchen.

By the way, guys, did Arnold show you
his report card?

Uh, is something wrong with it, sir?

Wrong? But it's wonderful.

These grades are so good that I'm going
to try and get him into a special

enrichment program.

Um...

I think Arnold's already enriched
enough, sir.

No such thing. I'm going to speak to his
guidance counselor as soon as I

possibly can.

Thanks a lot.

What did you do?

That's what he didn't do.

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Oh, it reminds me of my nana's kids when
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Mickey D7 -style chicken biscuit.

Chicken biscuit for breakfast.

This biscuit tastes homemade.

And the chicken is so juicy.

And seasoned just right.

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Oh, man.

Charlie, Ricky, how'd I get in this
mess?

Well, if you ask me... Shut up, Ricky.
Who asked you?

What's this world coming to if you can't
count on a good phony report card?

Yeah, well, I work too well. My dad
thinks I'm a genius.

Man, am I in trouble with him.

It's all your fault.

Can't be. We passed geometry.

Just fine. We had you, man. That's what
you said, and I listened to you.

Another mistake.

I hope I get out of good behavior in
time for my junior prom.

Hello, gentlemen.

What are you doing here?

I have other clients, you know.

There you go.

Your cousin Louie's a barber.

So anyway, I came by to also see if my
work was satisfactory.

It's perfect.

My father believed every grade.

So why the long face?

He thinks I should be in special
classes, and he wants to see my guidance

counselor. I once had a little backfire
before. No big deal, though.

Gotta be out in two to five years.

You're probably going up for life.

Hey, kid, they don't call me the action
man for nothing. You got a problem, I

spring into action.

You can't forge a guidance counselor.

No, but I can be one. I am an actor.

Guy's a lunatic.

I'll have you know I spent many years in
this town as an actor.

Really? What were you in?

Death.

That's why I do what I do now.

But I studied with some of the best
teachers. I can be anything.

Watch this.

Bravo. It's great. It's terrific.

Guys, what is he?

He's crazy, and I should be on a bus to
Canada.

That was a tree. And you think I can't
play a guidance counselor?

I don't even think he can play a tree.

Well, I think he can play a tree.

Face it, kid.

I'm all you got.

Ta -da!

There stands a visible brontosaurus.

We did it!

Wasn't that fun, Sam?

Wasn't that the most fun you've had in
ages?

I guess the most fun I had in ages.

Got a little carried away, didn't I?

Yeah, but it was fun watching you. I
mean, you... Leslie is such a grown -up.

But with this, you are like a little kid
with a tie on.

Now I'm going to go upstairs and attack
him with my toy soldiers.

I got to get.

Why, it's my guidance counselor, Mr.

Hoffman. Cool it, Arnold.

I've been really looking forward to
this. Come in, come in, come in.

Have a seat.

and thank you for coming to the house.
Well, I know what a busy man you are,

there's so many distractions at school
that I know we'd both want to give this

our undivided attention.

Let's get right to the point, shall we?

Now, you have seen Arnold's midterm
grades. Oh, yes, sir, I have.

Looking at those grades, I would think
that he would be qualified...

for a special enrichment program.

Well, sir, you may be overreacting here.
After all, these are only midterm

grades, and they could change
significantly by the next report card.

Well, I guess that's it for special
enrichment. Thanks for coming, Mr.

Mr.

Hoffman was very good to come all the
way over here.

We are fortunate to be able to take
advantage of his expertise.

Now, just how do you select students for
special programs?

Well, there are several ways. Of course,
there are previous grades over several

years and standardized tests.

Of course.

Oh, I'm no good on standardized tests.

They're below my standards.

Thanks for coming, Mr. Hoffman. Mr.

Hoffman, you are a professional
educator, am I right? Well, yes, I am

that field.

Well, let me ask you something.

In your expert opinion,

Would Arnold have a better chance of
qualifying for an enrichment program if

spent more time reading and less time
watching television?

Well, sir, that's really not in my area
of expertise, but I imagine so.

Oh, Dad, but there's a lot of
educational stuff on TV, like dance

Oh, you learn a lot about anatomy.

And certainly you agree that students
shouldn't be allowed out on school

Well, sir, that's less an educational
decision than a parental judgment thing.

Now, I have read where some educators
feel that dating is a distraction and

it can only interfere with studies.

Do you share that viewpoint?

Well, the negative aspect... I knew you
would.

I knew you would. Fine.

Then Arnold will only date in the
summertime.

Is that all right with you, Arnold?

Yeah, but my hormones may not like it.
Don't be silly, Arnold.

During the summer, he will date only on
alternate Thursdays, before a full moon,

and after a rainstorm.

Is there something wrong?

Everything.

Well, I guess I'd best be going.

Not so fast.

Arnold, is there something you'd like to
tell me?

I got an F in geometry, and he forged my
report card twice, and he's not my real

guidance counselor. I paid him to be
here.

I know that. I called your school this
afternoon, and I spoke with your regular

guidance counselor.

Oops. Oops, indeed. Just who are you?

His name's Spider.

Perfect.

Why don't you just crawl out of here
like a bug?

You see, sir, actually, a spider is not
a bug.

Out.

Ah, one thing more.

You are out of business. If I ever hear
of you or see you again, I will call the

police. You got that?

Loud and clear.

Uh, Dad, you want me to crawl out with
him? I want you to stay right here,

man.

Now, maybe you would like to tell me how
all this happened.

Well, I was afraid.

I heard you talk about firing that guy
because he failed, and I was afraid of

what you'd do to me.

Arnold, you're my son. I can't fire you.

I know.

But I was mostly worried about what I'd
do to you.

To me?

I don't understand.

Well, I remember in fourth grade when I
got that gold star in my composition.

You were so happy and proud, and you
told all your friends how well I did in

school and how proud you were of me.
I've always been proud of you.

Well, I was afraid this time you
wouldn't be. You'd be hurt and

You'd think I didn't care. I wasn't
really trying, and I didn't want you to

think that.

I see. You were more worried about
failing me than failing your courses in

school. I guess so. It really bothered
me.

I'm very touched by that, son.

Look, I always want you to do well.

But if you've tried your very best, I
will always understand.

Well, I do try my best. I just don't
understand geometry.

Well, we'll get you some help. That's
what tutors are for.

Don't ever be afraid to ask for help.

There's nothing unusual about needing
help with a subject.

I once needed a tutor for Latin.

As a matter of fact, I could use one for
Brontosaurus building.

Don't worry, Arnold.

You'll catch on to geometry.

I'm not as worried about that as I am
about getting punished.

All right, I'll tell you, Arnold, I'm
going to ground you for two weeks.

That and the punishment you've already
inflicted on yourself should wipe the

slate clean.

Man, what a week.

You know, Einstein had a lot of trouble
in school.

He was even thrown out once.

I'll be very happy if you were one
fraction as good as Einstein was.

I'm setting my sights higher. I want to
be as good as you.

Uh, mother -in -law, whatever you do,
don't hit the stain button.

Hey, hey.

Hold it still, and you'll be all right.
And next time, you iron your tie before

you put it on.

Now, you ready? I want to get there
early so we can get a seat up front.

It's been a while since I've been to
church, and I want to make sure God can

me.

Man, I ain't been here so long, I don't
even know if God recognize me.

Uh, let me go get my church hat.

No, no, come on. Don't wear a hat to
church, man.

The ushers are going to make you take it
off anyway.

Not this one.

A koofy.

It's the only hat approved by the
heavens above.

As -salamu alaykum, my brother.

Isn't it quite funny, Bob?

They're just going to leave you alone.

while you sit inside your home.

Be the rock.

This song truly teaches us the
importance of faith.

Amen!

Yes.

Let us turn now to church business.

First of all, our softball team plays
United Methodist today at 3 o 'clock.

Let's give them our support.

Amen!

Church!

Is there anyone in the church today who
is willing to volunteer as a teacher for

our Sunday school program.

Well, thank you, Sister Celeste, for
your church spirit.

But perhaps your time would be better
spent at home, stabilizing your

medication.

Any other volunteers?

You can't drink that in here. What do
you mean that?

and there's only one opening but two
volunteers.

Now you take it. Brother McGee and
Brother Sherman, may I suggest that you

turns teaching the class on alternate
Sundays?

It gladdens my heart to see the two of
you become active in church life.

Gentlemen, you have the gratitude of the
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