Original subtitles

...replace the sheriff with a dummy, and we blow up the car.

The Knight Rider sees this and takes off after the crooks.

Got all that kit?

I'm way ahead of you.

Watch out. Nobody likes a smart trans -ant.

All right, people, places.

Let's get this in one take.

You hear that?

An explosion, and we're gonna miss it.

And action!

Okay, keep rolling.

Get the sheriff out and put the dummy in.

All right, Knight Rider, get out of your car.

Stand by to...

Thank you.

Just one drum What might be right for you May not be right for some A man is

born He's a man of needs Then along come two They got nothing but the genes But

they got Different strokes to take Different strokes to take Different

to move the world

Hey,

let's roll them. And remember, when Knight Rider steps out of his car, I cue

big explosion.

Action!

Stand by to blow it up.

David, David, what are you doing?

You could have gotten killed. Yeah, well, so could these kids in the back

Hi there.

Yeah, hi there. What are you doing in this car? It is loaded with dynamite.

What are you talking about, Knight Rider?

All right, everybody, let's take five while I go have a nervous breakdown.

What are you kids doing here? Come on out of here.

We came to see you. Yeah.

You're our favorite actor. You're the greatest.

All right. Listen, Harry, give him a break. They're my buddies, huh?

Whatever you say, David.

Thanks, my writer.

Hey, listen.

Would you like an autograph?

Okay. Then you can sign one for us.

He meant his autograph, dummy.

Got a pen?

Sure, I do.

Okay, great.

Just something simple.

Like, to Arnold.

To Arnold.

My best friend.

My best friend.

Who taught me everything I know.

Yes.

And to whom I'll forever be grateful.

How about if I say, devotedly, Knight Rider.

Good thinking.

How about one for me?

Oh, don't worry, Dudley. I'll give you a Xerox copy of this one.

Come on, give me that book. I'll sign one for you.

To Dudley.

Gave so much and asked for so little.

With deep humility.

Knight Rider.

That's fantastic.

Thanks. Hey, can we get a picture of you? Yeah, better yet, how about the

of us get together and take a picture with Kit?

Oh, the car?

Great idea.

Yeah, hey, it's really nice of you to go through all this trouble for us. No

trouble at all. The last time I took a picture without Kit, he didn't talk to

for a week.

Hey, Mel.

Take a picture of us, huh? Sure, I'd be glad to. Thank you.

Okay, thumbs up.

Don't touch me.

I'm a star.

Sorry.

And the least you could do is photograph my good side.

Be quiet or I'll drain your crankcase.

TV stars are getting too big for their garage.

I heard that.

Thank you.

Don't you just love the way they name all the dishes after Hollywood

celebrities? Yeah.

Who are you going to have for dessert, Maggie?

Oh, I couldn't touch another one after that Elizabeth Taylor diet plate.

I was expecting a little salad, not a side of beef and three pounds of boiled

potatoes.

I was kind of disappointed in the Robert Goulet goulash.

It looked good, but it was kind of flat.

You asked me to lunch to discuss something.

Does that mean that you've been giving some thought to what, you know, we

about earlier?

Yes, matter of fact, I have.

You want to talk about it?

Well, I mean, if you'd rather wait, please don't let me rush you.

Yes, I have come to a conclusion.

I didn't get it.

I want you to take back this ring.

And I want you to marry me.

Oh, Philip.

If that is a no, I think

I could learn to live with rejection.

You just better learn to live with me, Buster.

It will be my pleasure.

You know, the more I think about Sam, the better I like the idea.

So do Willis and Kimberly.

They'll be going off to college and Arnold will still have somebody to grow

with.

I never dreamed that I could be this happy. Well, now don't get too happy. I

have to tell you that I believe in long engagements.

How long?

Well, I couldn't possibly marry you before next week.

Next week?

Are you saying that you expect a busy woman like me to wrap up my business

affairs, make all my personal arrangements, and marry you in one week?

Well, yes.

You really won't wait that long.

I love you, Maggie McKinney.

Oh, look.

Not too shabby, what?

On the next Iron Ring.

Lil Jon gives a fighter one more shot. I won last time. I still ain't picked.

All right.

Nelly meets his team.

They're going to be very well trained. They listen good.

They got good personality.

They got something. They got heart. While dips and trials come to a close.

Keep that balance.

Uh -oh. I told you this was going to be a good one.

I ain't going to front.

This is far better than boxing.

See who's eliminated from the Iron Ring tonight at 1030.

The College Hill Crew brings the ATL to the UK.

We were just having fun, but Drew, I don't know what is up with him. He

feel included, but he's not. Drew needs to just suck it up. Man, if you don't

shut up.

College Hill Atlanta, tonight at 10.

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No!

It's about time.

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They look like little tennis rackets. Mr. McEnroe, to serve.

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For the first time, three of the greatest movies of all time are finally

available as special edition DVDs. You call this archaeology?

This is fun!

The Indiana Jones movies.

Home them on DVD today.

The map of the movie stars' homes is great. We can go celebrity hunting

tomorrow. Are you kidding?

I bet none of those stars live in those houses anymore.

It's all a con.

Then why do they print them up?

To tell them to airheads like you.

I'm an airhead.

You're the fool who paid two bucks for a frozen banana in the shape of Diana

Ross.

I like bananas.

Oh, man, that was great.

Hey, you guys missed the thrill of a lifetime.

We got to meet Knight Rider. And we got his autograph and our picture taken with

him. Not all.

At least he could have done to save your lives.

He did that, too.

We were in an automobile, and they were going to blow it up.

I think they blew up his brain.

No, it's true. He really did save our lives.

Don't listen to him, Dudley. He's probably dumb enough to buy one of those

frozen bananas in the shape of Diana Raw.

Like bananas.

Kimberly, where's Dad?

Oh, he's probably still with Maggie. He said he was going to pop the question

this afternoon.

Which question is that?

Oh, you know, marriage.

Marriage?

I thought Dad was just messing around with her.

I think Maggie's great. She'll be good for Daddy. That's your opinion.

Just look how happy Dad is when he's with her.

It's about time Dad had a woman in his life.

He's got a woman in his life. Pearl.

She gets in his slippers and his newspaper.

What more can a man want?

Arnold the Cocker Spaniel could do that.

Dad needs a romantic involvement in his life. He's been single long enough.

How come you guys know about this and I don't? I'm part of this family, too, you

know. You can look me up in the will.

Arnold, you weren't here when Dad told us.

Maggie's the right kind of lady for Dad.

She's always taking up too much of his time, and he's always hanging around too

much. Hey, Arnold, I think you're jealous.

Oh, hi.

I'm glad you're back, Arnold. I have some wonderful news to tell all of you.

Maggie and I are going to be married next week. Oh, hi.

Next week?

So soon?

I nearly lost her at once.

I don't want to risk that again.

And the really good part for you, Arnold, is that Maggie has a seven -year

son named Sam.

Seven -year -old son?

He's as cute as a bug's ear. And he's going to come live with us, too.

That's going to be terrific.

Yes, terrific.

Does this bother you, son?

No.

I was just wondering where we're going to put all these people.

We'll have to put a revolving door in the bathroom.

we'll figure something out. Maybe we'll add on a room for Willis.

Oh, man, that's great. I finally struck privacy.

And Sam can share your room with you, Arnold.

Oh.

But, Dad, you're breaking up the old team.

Willis would be lost without me.

I'm sure he can tough it out.

Hey, guess what, guys? Why don't we all get dressed and go out and celebrate?

All right.

Let's go.

See you soon.

Oh, man.

This is the end of a good life.

You're sitting on the couch, you're watching TV, and your life's passing you

You keep procrastinating over and over. Well, maybe I'll go to school next year,

maybe next semester. No, do it right now. They'll work with you after work,

you can go before work. You can do whatever you need to do to graduate. Go

to somebody right now. They out to help you. You spend all day on the phone

anyhow. Why don't you make a phone call that's going to help you in your future?

All you got to do is pick up the phone and make the call.

Why are you making it complicated?

It's easy.

Thanks.

Have a nice day.

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What's the matter with you, Arnold?

Why don't you want your dad to marry Maggie?

She's bossy and pushy and she'll probably handpick dad to death.

Nobody's perfect.

See? It doesn't matter to Kimberly and Willis because they're grown up. They

don't care if Dad spends all his time with Maggie and her dumb kid.

But what if that leaves me, I'll tell you, alone by myself like a guy who uses

the wrong deodorant?

Your dad wouldn't leave you alone like that. He loves you too much.

Yeah, but she's got him flopping around like a dodo bird.

Next thing you know, they'll be willing to sleep together.

Arnold, that's what you're supposed to do when you're married.

I know, but that's sure going to ruin Sunday mornings when I grab the funny

papers and jump into Dad's bed.

Well, maybe it won't be as bad as you think.

I suppose I could learn to put up with Maggie.

But who needs that dumb kid of hers hanging around?

Maybe you and Sam will become pals.

No way. Now that Willis is grown, I don't want to have to raise another

Excuse me, sir.

You talking to me?

Yes, sir. Have you ever eaten here before?

No, I haven't, young man. Why do you ask?

I was just wondering what's good.

Fortunately, you've run into an expert on food. I can eat my week in anything.

Let's see now.

Hmm.

The Incredible Hulk sundae looks good.

It's made out of green pistachio and it even has two cherries for bloodshot

eyes.

What's it going to be, Ben? I'll have the Incredible Hulk sundae.

Me too. Make mine a double.

Rough day at the office, huh?

Yeah, the pit.

I had a pretty bad day myself.

You're too young to know the troubles I've got.

I may be young, but I've had my share in hard knocks.

If you need anybody to talk to, I'm a good listener.

I don't like to tell other people my problems.

I understand.

But as long as you ask.

My father's getting married to a lady I don't like who's got a kid I don't like.

You think that's trouble?

My mom's getting married to a guy I don't even know who's got three dumb

don't even know.

That's terrible.

If the same parents can't be... Wait a minute.

Where do these three dummies live?

In New York.

On Park Avenue?

Oops.

By any chance, is your name Arnold?

By every chance.

And you must be Sam.

Well, I guess we're gonna have to make the best of it, sir.

Just because I don't like it's nothing personal.

I understand.

So, what's new?

Oh, nothing much.

Since my buddy Dudley and I got to meet Knight Rider at the studio today. You're

kidding! I've never been on a studio tour.

I've never met anybody famous.

Me and Nine Rider, we're kind of tight now since I kind of saved his life.

Gee, you're really brave, sir.

Just naturally like that.

Boy, am I lucky.

You're going to be a terrific big brother.

Big brother?

I like the sound of that.

Big brother.

Yeah, hey.

This is not going to be as bad as I thought.

Listen, since we're going to be brothers, is it okay if I call you

instead of sir?

No, I like sir.

You can bring that up again at a later date.

Okay.

Sir, tell you what I will do for you.

Since you've never been on a studio tour, how would you like to go with me?

would be great.

Let me take care of everything, kid.

Here you go, men.

I made them both doubles.

No extra charge.

Man, I don't know if I can finish all that.

What are big brothers for?

Can you at least let me pay for it?

I knew there was something I liked about you.

Good morning, and welcome to our Hollywood Screen Test.

Now, behind me, the stage has been set for a good old -fashioned western

melodrama. All we need are some actors.

Do I have any volunteers?

How about you, sir?

Would you like to become a star?

Is that your family or just a bunch of pushy people?

Well, then, why don't we try to make stars out of all of them?

Let's hear it for the Pushy family!

All right, our actors are now in wardrobe and makeup.

You all know what to do?

So, let's do it.

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

Okay, Granny, come out.

Go up to the teller with your satchel.

Branson, you're a brat. Throw a tantrum.

Okay, tell her you open the satchel and react to the money.

Now, here come the bank robbers.

Do you know how to ride a horse?

You kidding?

Who do you think taught Hop Along Cassidy to hop along?

Okay, up we go.

Wait a minute.

How am I supposed to give my horse a piece of sugar?

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

That's it.

You two lovers are rowing down the river.

Ready?

Lights! Camera!

Action! You look at each other and sigh.

It's love in bloom.

Suddenly, your oar hits something.

You reach over and pick it up.

It's Granny's satchel of money.

The bank robbers got rid of the evidence and you got it.

You both react surprised.

Without warning, the river starts to get rough.

Now, you two are flying over the lake, and suddenly you fly into a cloud.

As you come out of the clouds, the man in the rowboat

below loses his balance, throws the satchel of money into the air, and you

it, Mr. Convict.

But suddenly, you lose control of the plane.

Oh, I may also lose my lunch.

Now, when the convict dropped the satchel out of the plane, it landed in

Blues Brothers' car.

And after a big chase, they crashed through the window of this bakery.

All right, ready?

Action. The baker's really mad and calls the Keystone Cop.

and that's the fact that

You'll watch your monitors. Let's see what your Hollywood screen test looks

all cut together and with a little Hollywood magic thrown in.

That was wonderful of them to give us that cassette. I'll never get tired of

playing it. Me neither. I can't believe we made such fools of ourselves.

Oh, I don't know. I thought I had a couple of pretty good moments.

I thought Arnold was the best actor. He'll go far in his house, kid.

And when you got hit with that pie and made that funny face, I laughed so hard

nearly busted the elastic on my shorts.

Yeah, that was one of the most exciting weekends of my life.

That goes for me, too, sir.

Sir? Leave him alone. He's comfortable with it.

All right, everybody, let me remind you that next weekend's going to be pretty

exciting, too. There's the little matter of a wedding.

Not as exciting as the little matter of the honeymoon.

I let you know.

I don't get it.

Don't worry about it, kid.

Your big brother explained everything about honeymoons when I think the time's

right.

Hey, let's walk to the desk.

All right.

My man, turn it to channel 13, man. I got us a lottery ticket, and this baby

smells like a winner.

Oh, well, let's see it.

Oh, wow.

Let's see your 50 cents.

Oh, okay.

Okay, so it's like that. Here you go.

Thank you.

Hey, these aren't the numbers we picked.

They are now.

Oh, Eddie, we had a system going on. George Brett's lifetime batting average

Halle Berry's measurements.

I know, I know, but I was at the liquor store, and you know how long them lines

could get, and I dozed off, and the new numbers came to me in a dream.

5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30?

Who are you dreaming about, your third grade teacher?

Hey, man, how do you know? That's spooky.

Give me my money back.

I'm a little short right now, you know, but I can get it to you by the end of

the week, baby. What?

Which we'll never see. Now, for tonight's numbers.

25.

10.

15. 5.

20. And our final number, 30.

Loser. Damn, man, I'd like to see the governor's number.

Thanks for the trip.

This is my stop.