Original subtitles

King James Bible, New International Bible, Amplified Bible,

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Bible drummer, computer Bible, Bible, Google Bible,

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You think that's going to work? No.

Ignorance won't be acceptable where God is concerned, man. He, and you know it's

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A man is born.

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Different strokes to move the world. Different strokes to move the world.

Pow! Pow!

Pow! Another solaroid jupiterol bite the atmosphere.

Arnold, you're the terror of outer space.

My turn.

Uh -oh, here comes the fat wobbly one.

I may be fat, but I'm not wobbly.

helping me balance my checkbook, Philip. It's always such a hassle to me.

You're welcome, Sophia.

Now, just remember, when you write a check, you subtract.

You don't add.

Too bad.

My way, I always end up with more.

My way keeps you out of jail.

Hey, gang.

Your Aunt Sophia and I are going for a brisk walk across the park. How about

joining us?

We were going to have a barbecue in the terrace.

Oh, come on.

The exercise will do you good. Get the old heart pumping. I vote for the

barbecue. You get your heart pumping, I'll get my mouth pumping.

I'll tell you what.

On the way back, we'll stop and get a super deluxe pizza.

With mushrooms, pepperoni, olives, cheese, the works.

How's that for togetherness?

That's my kind of togetherness.

Me wrapped around a pizza.

Well, Dad, I'll go get into my hat and coat.

Me too. Me too.

You don't look funny in her hat and coat.

Hello?

Yes, this is he.

This is Chief West of the fire department.

I don't want to alarm you, Mr.

Drummond, but we've got a situation down here.

There's a small fire in the south wing, but it's not on the Park Avenue side

where you are.

A fire?

What? Did you say? Yes, I did. That's what it sounded like.

What floor is the fire on, Chief?

Why, that's only nine floors below us. Oh, dear.

Well, I guess we'd better get out of here, hadn't we?

Stay where we are?

Why?

Oh.

Oh, I see. Oh, dear.

Now, we'll have the fire out in no time, and we'll keep you advised.

Oh, please do.

There are children here. Oh, dear.

And a lady.

Thanks, Chief.

Oh, dear.

You have to keep saying, oh, dear.

Yes, I'm too much of a lady to use another four -letter word.

Calm down. It'll be all right.

Did the fire chief say that?

Oh, is the fire spreading? What are we going to do? Are we trapped? Can't they

rescue us?

Oh, Philip, just don't stand there. Slap my face.

Look, it's just a small fire. The chief said they'll have it out in no time.

That's what Paul Newman said in The Towering Inferno, and look what happened

him.

I saw that movie. He only burned a hole in his pants.

Now they want everybody above the 21st floor to stay right where they are.

The chief says that's the safest place for us to be.

He forgot about Bermuda.

Now we better not tell the kids about this. No use in getting them upset,

Oh dear.

Now don't start that again.

Where's Arnold?

Why are you wearing all these clothes?

Because the weatherman said it's going to be a nice day. And there's two things

I don't trust.

Weatherman and zippers.

Hey, you know something, guys?

I think you kids were right.

Let's stay home.

Say what?

I'm really hungry.

And that barbecue sounds great to me. What do you say, kids? Arnold, I'll give

you a rank check on the pizza.

Okay. Somebody help me unpeel.

get the hamburger patties. Arnold, you cannot be trusted with the hamburger

patties. Sure I can.

I never eat more than two when they're raw.

Villa? Mm -hmm?

Is it wise to be having a barbecue now?

Oh, sure.

The smell of burnt hamburgers will cover the smell of the fire.

You are so smart.

Yes, I am.

Now, let's not let on to the kids, and there's nothing to worry about.

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You have no idea I'm down here.

You can't even hear me, can you?

Oh, I think I pulled a muscle.

Oh, it was probably in my neck.

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Stand back and observe closely.

First you slide the flipper under the tag like this.

And then it's all in the...

in the street.

Gee, I hope it didn't hit anybody.

They'll think it's hailing meat.

I wonder where it landed.

I think on that fire truck.

Fire truck?

There's a whole bunch going down there.

I wonder where the fire is. Just because there aren't fire trucks doesn't mean

there's a fire.

Then why are they there?

Well, it could be a false alarm.

Or maybe the firehouse is being...

How about a cat up a tree?

Look, it's probably nothing, gang. Let's get the food going.

I think I smell smoke.

Oh?

Oh, of course. It's in the charcoal.

We haven't lit it yet.

What will they think of, Ned?

Charcoal that smells like smoke before it's lit.

Bonner was having.

Okay.

Hold it. Hold it, troops. I've got a better idea.

Yes, that's a wonderful idea, fella.

He hasn't said it yet.

I know, but all your father's ideas are wonderful.

Look, I'm starved.

You guys get the barbecue going. I'll go in and phone downstairs and see what's

going on, okay? All right. Okay.

Listen,

Sophia.

I smell smoke, too.

So do I. Oh, what's happening, Philip?

I thought that fire chief promised you the fire wouldn't come up this high. Now

tell him he has no right to go back on his promise.

Hello?

Could I speak to Chief West, please?

Hello, Chief.

This is Phil Drummond in the penthouse.

Yeah. Look, we smell smoke up here.

What's happening?

I see.

I see.

Well, what shall we do?

Okay, fine.

Thanks, Chief.

What did he say? You're not going to panic, are you? That depends on what you

say he said.

It's not good. The fire has spread.

Just a little, but it has spread.

I'm going to level with you, Sophia.

I think this situation is serious.

Now, look.

Getting hysterical won't help.

Being calm sure as hell hasn't done any good.

Now, the chief wants us to take certain precautions, and I'm going to have to

tell the children.

So let's play it down.

Now, for their sake, for their sake, try not to look worried.

Oh, did you have to say that? Now I'm worried about not looking worried, and

that worries me.

Now, kids, will you come in here?

I have to tell you something.

Oh, Kenny, wait, Dad. I was just about to light the charcoal. Well, now, it's

kind of important, but it's really nothing to worry about.

That's right. There's nothing to worry about. And if I look panicked, that is

only my natural expression under stress.

Why should you look panicked?

Now, kids, listen.

Now, this is nothing to get alarmed about, but there's kind of a small fire

the building.

What are you talking about, Dad?

Daddy, how kind of and how small is that fire?

Well, it's on the other side of the building. It's down several floors, and

sure the fire department will have it out very soon.

That might not be soon enough. Look!

Holy smoke.

Philip, is it all right to look worried now?

the kitchen. Good.

We got the ones upstairs.

Good. I've closed all the vents in here.

Dad, if there's nothing to worry about, why did the fire chief say to put wet

rags around all the doors and close the vents?

Well, it's just a precaution, Arnold.

It's always best to try to circumvent any possible eventualities.

Like smoke coming in and choking us to death?

That's another way to put it.

Daddy, why don't we just get out of here?

No, listen, gang, trust me.

Now, the chief said the first thing we have to do is to stay calm. It's too

for that.

What's the second thing?

Kids, we're much better off to stay in here. Now, that corridor could be full

smoke, and you should never go in an elevator when there's fire in a

You'd get trapped in there.

Oh, what a terrible way to die, listening to elevator music.

But, man, we've had it.

I can just see my gravestone.

Here lies Arnold Jackson.

He was young.

But well done.

Yeah.

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Watch out, man. I'm telling you, man. He's obese.

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We'll see what happens. In all new Iron Rain. See who goes hard and see who goes

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You all just clear out into the street. Everything's under control, not to

worry. You want to move some of that equipment through here?

Keep it moving, keep it moving. Oh my goodness, where's the fire? On the 21st

floor, lady, and would you please stay out of our way? I live here. I work for

the Drummonds. Where are they?

The Drummonds? Oh, well, they're up in their apartment. If you'll please just

stand aside, lady. Can I send them on that thing? Not now, please, lady.

in our way.

Well, I have to see the Drummonds because, you know, I work for the

and I don't... Are you feeling better, Sophia?

Oh, a little.

Oh, Philip, I don't want to die, especially now that I have my checkbook

straightened out.

I'd like to hang around, too.

I want to find out if the trickle -down theory works.

Unfortunately, we don't have the privilege of selecting our own time.

Philip, do you believe in reincarnation?

Well, I didn't, but it's beginning to sound very attractive.

I've never told this to anyone. You know that peach tree in our old backyard?

Yes.

I think it's Uncle Hubert.

Uncle Hubert came back as a peach tree?

Well, there's a remarkable resemblance. The tree is old and gnarled, and the

peaches have fuzz, just like he did on his head.

Come to think of it, his wife Celia could be the lemon tree.

Philip, if you had your choice, what would you like to come back as?

Oh, I don't know.

A lion or an eagle.

Anything but a little kid.

Why not a little kid?

I'd hate to go through toilet training again.

You really did inherit Father's sense of humor.

You think so?

Yes. Too bad Mother was the funny one.

Oh, Philip.

You are such a dear man.

And you...

are a wonderful human being, Sophia. Weird, but wonderful.

Here's a little towel, Kimberly.

Thanks. And some washcloths. Thank you.

Mad.

Just think.

I may never hear Dad say again, wash behind your ears, Arnold.

Because I won't be here, and neither will my ears.

Arnold, stop talking like that.

Let's face it, Kimberly. We're done for.

Finito. Finished.

The deep six.

The last roundup. The big move to Bone City.

Carl's right.

We should have gone shopping with Adelaide. Right now we could be buying

and Big instead of being it.

Guys, if I don't make it, I want you each to have something of mine to

me by.

Willis, I want you to have my gold necklace.

Oh, gee.

Thanks, Kimberly.

Arnold, for you, my class ring.

It's not as valuable as the necklace, but it really does mean a lot to me.

I'll keep it forever.

Unless you want to swap it for the necklace, will you?

Kimberly, I want to give something to you, too, that's very important to me.

Your comb?

My gold key ring with my initial on it.

Oh, wow. Thanks, Willis. That's sweet.

Give it to your husband someday.

Just to make sure you marry a guy whose name starts with a W.

Kimberly, I want you to have something of mine, too.

Would you like my piggy bank?

Sure, Arnold. It's very generous. Of course, I would love to have it. Good.

I'll give you the piggy as soon as I get the money out.

Hey, you guys. You better get these washcloths and stuff for Dad. All right.

Okay.

Hello, God?

It's me again.

The kid in Penthouse B?

I've got to talk fast because there's not too much time left.

I've always looked forward to seeing you, personally, but I don't want it to

happen any sooner than necessary.

So could you please put out this fire?

If you do, I promise to take all my friends to see the next movie about you

George Burns.

Although, if you don't mind a suggestion...

I think they'd sell a lot more tickets if you played the parts yourself.

Well, that's about it.

Over, and I hope not out.

Excuse me, Chief.

Can you tell me what's happening now?

Well, it's all right, lady. The fire's out.

Okay, Hart. Start beating again.

Lady, you can't go up there yet.

Well, the elevator's still off limits and there might be smoke in the

stairwells. Oh.

Well, at least the folks know the fire's out now.

Well, I'm afraid they don't know it yet. The phones aren't working.

Unfortunately, they might think it's a lot worse than it is because the exhaust

system is all fouled up. Could be blowing smoke back through their vents.

Well, can't you send somebody up there to tell them? Well, I'm sorry, lady. I

don't have a man for you right now.

That's a story of my life.

Only 29 more to go.

Smoke rises.

So just in case this gets any worse, why don't we all get down on the floor? The

air will be a little bit better down there, okay? Good. While we're down

why don't we do a little praying?

Don't you worry, Abraham.

I'm not going to let you die.

If worse comes to worse, I'll flush you down the toilet and set you free.

If you were a little smaller, we could do the same for you.

Good, it's never too late.

No, seriously.

If we've got to go, I want to go with a clean conscience.

Remember that model airplane that you got for your ninth birthday?

Remember it?

I built it.

Little P -40 Warhawk, shark's teeth painted on the nose.

I used to pretend I was the pilot.

Until you accidentally broke it.

Philip, it wasn't exactly an accident.

I was jealous because you paid so much attention to that rotten little plane.

So, I stepped on it.

Several times.

Can you forgive me?

Oh, don't be silly, Sophie. Of course I forgive you. That was years ago.

It's no big deal.

I love that plane.

James, this girl is killing me.

I gotta go.

There's one thing I wish I could have done before I died.

What was that, Arnold?

Tell the Gooch what I really think of him.

Isn't the Gooch that bully at school who used to beat you up?

No, he's the bully at school who still beats him up.

Arnold, what are you doing?

He's real brave on a dead phone.

Hello, Gooch. This is Arnold Jackson.

I just got one thing to tell you. You better not mess with me or any of my

friends ever again. You got that banana brain?

is working. You really were talking to the Gooch.

Yeah, but the land's on him. I'll be dead before he can kill me.

We're saved.

If we're saved, I'm dead.

Oh, hello, Chief.

What?

That must be the fireman.

I didn't have the strength to lift my key.

Adelaide, what are you doing down there?