Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the feet of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man is born, he's a man of means.

They're no long come to, they got nothing but the genes. But they got

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

I'd like to say to all of my fans, my television audience,

As far as my boxing retirement being final is concerned, this sassy, proud,

funny reporter came to me the other day. He says, Muhammad, now that you are

retired from pugilism, boxing, do you think you're going to get fat, old, and

ugly and no longer be the greatest?

So I said to this chump, whose name I care not to reveal, I said, Howard.

Look, I'll always stay great. I'll always be the prettiest and the fastest.

never get fat and old and ugly. So I gave the bum 25 cents and said, get

Hey, what did you turn it off for?

I know the interview is over.

You already seen it twice in the news this morning. But you cut out the end

where he says, I am the greatest.

And kisses his own hand.

Oh, forgive me, Arnold.

I'll tell you, as punishment, next time I watch a soap opera, you can turn it

off right in the middle of the brain operation.

Oh, don't worry about it, Arnold. You can see him again on the 11 o 'clock

And if that's not good enough, I'll paste the pictures on your eyeballs.

He's mine.

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Muhammad is beautiful, like I want to be.

Come on, Kimberly, let's go.

Where are you going?

You don't want to go. How do you know? I mean, you know, maybe I want to go.

Don't make up my mind for me. I can do that myself.

Go to the library.

I don't want to go.

Come on, let's get it. Oh, yeah.

Hey, easy there, chap. Easy.

No hissing below the knee.

Oh, yeah. Hey, that is great, Max.

And Father O 'Brien loves the idea of a bingo for charity.

As a matter of fact, he's due here any minute. He's coming over to discuss it

with me. Yeah.

Hold the phone. Max, hold the wire.

I'm being attacked by a priest shrunk, Muhammad Ali.

Watch it.

I'm lean, but I'm mean.

Hello? Yeah. No, Max, I'm here.

No, that's my son Arnold.

His idol is Muhammad Ali.

Yours too?

You do?

Really?

Oh, boy, would he ever love that.

You will?

Hey, thanks, Max. Listen, I owe you one for this.

Bye.

Hey, champ.

Champ next.

Time. Hold it.

How would you like to meet your hero, Muhammad Ali?

You mean meet him in person?

In person.

You mean live in the flesh and not on instant replay?

Live in the flesh.

You wouldn't kid me, would you? I mean, it's not nice to tease an innocent,

loving, trusting little kid like me.

No, I'm not teasing.

I mean it.

See, it happens that my lawyer's brother -in -law knows Muhammad Ali's business

manager very well, and he can arrange it.

You are really going to meet him!

Oh, man!

I'm going to meet Muhammad Ali!

All right!

I'm going to meet him! I'm going to meet him!

Can eight -year -olds have heart attacks?

No, Arnold, they can't. They just give them.

You're really terrific.

You think so, huh?

Just keep up the good work. Yeah.

I'll do that.

And now I gotta go to the library and tell Willis and Kimberly. Okay.

Oh, man.

I'm gonna meet my husband, Ali.

All right.

I'm gonna meet him. I'm gonna... Oh,

sorry. Forgive me, Father.

For a non -Catholic, Arnold certainly is learning the right words.

Come in, Father.

That son of yours is a human dynamo.

You know, I think if we could harness Arnold, we could solve the energy

That's funny.

He's going to get to meet Muhammad Ali and it has just blown his mind. Muhammad

Ali? Yeah, the boxer.

Now, I spoke to my minister, Reverend McKenzie, and also to Rabbi Klein.

And they both agree that an interfaith bingo charity game is a terrific idea.

Splendid, splendid. And you're a fine chairman, sir.

Only one thing could make you even better.

Yeah, what's that?

If you could fix it so that I could beat Muhammad Ali.

You too.

Man does not live by confessions alone.

See, do you suppose that we could get Muhammad?

To show up at our charity.

Why not? We can always try.

Hey, that's a great idea.

I'm glad I thought of it.

I didn't know you were a fight fan.

As a matter of fact, before I took my vows, I was an amateur boxer.

Oh, I can't imagine you ever hitting anybody.

That was the problem.

My parishioners call me the patron saint of the bloody nose.

You know, you've got a great sense of humor about it. You ought to bill

as a stand -up priest. Sit down.

You should have seen it, Mr. Garrett.

I was the B .M .O .P. Yeah?

What's the B .M .O .P.? Big man on playground.

All right.

And just how did you get to be this celebrity of the seesaws?

Well...

started out on the playground that I was going to meet Muhammad Ali in person.

I got a hunch that rumor leaked out from between a pair of chubby cheeks.

You got a good hunch.

And on account of that, my friends gave me all this stuff for getting Muhammad

Ali's autograph for him. Oh.

One roller skate?

That don't matter.

I don't know how to skate anyway.

You could tie it to your tush and have someone push.

He's now my best friend.

The Gooch?

Say, isn't that the kid who once gave you a fat lip?

Well, he didn't give it to me. I had to fight him for it.

Stay away from him, Arnold.

You listen to me. Oh, you listen, honey. Believe me, he's a mean kid.

Yeah. If the Gooch traced his roots, he'd find out his great -grandfather was

gorilla.

What? Hello,

Arnold. How you doing?

Now, where were you two? I went down to the library to look for you, but you

weren't there. They shooshed me out.

Well, there was a sale at the record store for that new group, The Temple.

Yeah, and you buy one of their albums, you get a free tube of clear sale.

I can hardly wait to grow up so my skin will break out.

Now, tell us, Arnold, what's this rumor we hear about you and Muhammad Ali?

Who told you that?

Everybody. Including total strangers.

Well, that's true. It's all set up. That's fantastic.

I want to meet the champ, too. So do I.

Well, I might arrange it if you drop a little something into the pot.

What is all this stuff, Arnold?

Oh, it's from the guys for getting Muhammad Ali's autograph for him. You're

charging them?

No. I look at his contributions to charity, which everybody knows begins at

home.

Honestly, Arnold, now whose pea shirt is that?

I give you one guess.

The Gooch.

Yeah, here's the other half.

Come on, Arnold, the Gooch ain't that bad.

Are you serious?

His father drives around with a bumper sticker that says, Have you beat your

today?

Hi, gang, what's up?

Oh, hi, Daddy. Isn't it terrific about Arnold meeting Muhammad?

Yeah, that's what the doorman just said to me.

Congratulations, Arnold. You've given a whole new meaning to word of mouth.

That's my brother.

The mouth that roared.

Man, I can hardly wait to meet him. When am I meeting him? When, when, when?

Soon, soon, soon.

I'll call my lawyer and we'll find out.

His brother -in -law had lunch with Muhammad Ali's business representative

today.

Reach out, reach out.

Hi,

Max. It's Phil.

Max, did your brother -in -law have that lunch with Muhammad Ali?

He didn't?

Oh, what happened?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Three O's in a row ain't good.

Yeah, well, I understand, Max.

Thanks very much anyway.

Bye.

I'm sorry, Arnold, but you're not going to be able to meet the champ.

Oh, no.

Well, but what happened, Daddy?

Well, it's kind of complicated, but my lawyer's brother -in -law separated from

his wife.

Well, let's get friendly with the one who got custody of Muhammad Ali.

I'm sorry, Arnold. I should have had the whole thing set up before I even

mentioned it to you.

I know how disappointed you are. Me too.

So am I.

I'm sorry, kids.

Look, Arnold.

I'll make it up to you, I promise.

We'll do something nice together.

I know. I'll take you to see the Muppet film, The Twelfth Time.

Okay. I'll see you, kids.

Tough luck, Arnold.

But I just gotta meet the champ. I just gotta.

I don't understand.

Understand what?

Well, certain people think the champ is gonna come and sleep over here in the

apartment. Maybe even in my own bed.

Why would you say something like that?

to meet the champ, I felt like I knew him better, so I just kept adding

How could you say such dumb things, Arnold?

Well, I couldn't stop myself. I was on a roll.

Hello?

Just a minute. It's for you, Arnold. It's the Gooch. The Gooch?

I didn't want to talk to him on the phone. Even his breath was mean.

Uh, listen.

Arnold isn't here.

Sit down, Gooch. Have your mother throw you a piece of meat.

What's the message?

Okay.

Okay. Goodbye.

Listen, Arnold.

Ah, don't tell me. I'm in trouble with a capital T. That rhymes with D, and that

stands for Deus.

He wants the champ to autograph his T -shirt to the Gooch.

Doesn't the Gooch have a real name like everybody else? Well, if he does, nobody

knows about it except his enemies.

None of them are alive.

Well, maybe if you explain to the Gooch what happened, it won't be as bad as you

think. So you lose a little faith.

I'll also lose a lot of teeth.

Don't worry, little brother. I won't let him lay a hand on you. I'll walk you to

school every single day till I'm 30.

Where are you going?

Since I don't have much time left, I might as well go out in a blaze of

butter.

Poor Arnold.

Isn't there something we can do to help him? Sure.

We can order him a supply of bandages.

Well, I'm just kidding.

I know how he's dying to meet the champ.

Oh, I know.

But there was just some way.

Wait a minute.

You just said dying to meet the champ.

Uh -oh.

Well, there was an article in the paper last week about a football star going to

see a sick kid in the hospital.

I read that one, too.

Well, maybe if Muhammad Ali thinks Arnold's dying, he'll come on over here

visit him.

Kim, that's the sneakiest idea you ever had. Mm -hmm.

I'm proud to be your brother.

Now,

are you absolutely sure Muhammad Ali's on this floor?

Positive. On a television interview yesterday, he said he was staying in

hotel, in one of these penthouses.

on this floor.

Excuse me, sir.

Can you tell me which room Muhammad Ali's in?

He's my cousin. You expect me to fall for that?

It's really urgent.

Life or death.

Yeah, honest.

Sure, kid, sure.

It's that room there, but you didn't hear it from me, cousin.

Aw, thanks a lot.

We'd offer you a tip, but all he's got is a dollar, and we wouldn't want to

insult you.

Insult me? Insult me?

Who said a dollar wouldn't buy anything these days?

I sure hope the answers are no.

Hold it, you two.

I'm gonna flash.

That's about 20 pounds too much.

Well, how much did it cost you to get my room number?

A buck.

Only a buck?

Well, that's what they get for O .J. Simpson.

Dear champ, our little brother.

Whose little brother?

My real brother, her adopted brother.

Oh, I see.

Our little brother is your greatest fan, and he's very, very sick.

His only wish in life is to meet you before he dies.

Then he can die happy.

Are you serious?

We hope that you get this before it is too late.

Poor kid.

What's his trouble?

There's something we can't pronounce.

It just came out all of a sudden.

Well, you... go tell him to hang in there and that i have his address there

i'll be there in 30 minutes well

goodbye

abraham this town ain't big enough for me and the gooch so i guess he's bowing

out

You know why?

Because of the champ.

Well, how the hell is he coming to see you?

Who'd you talking about?

It's true. We just talked to him. That's the good news.

What's the bad news?

Well, we told him you were dying.

Dying? Yeah, so think dead.

Come on, hurry up, kid. New pajamas is going to be here any minute.

Well, why did you tell him I was dying for?

Because that was the only way. we can get him over here. Isn't that terrific?

Well, meeting him is terrific, but dying, I got mixed feelings about it.

on, we gotta hurry. Yeah, you're gonna be in a second.

Well, what do we do if they find out we pulled a trick like this?

They won't, because we left out. Dad's not home and Mrs. Garrett's in her room

taking a nap.

Well, okay.

Kimberly, turn around.

There's a few things I don't want you to see.

Well, it's been a tough day for us.

I never would have believed that a simple charity event would require this

permits. Well, you know how the government is. They like to feel like

tabs on everything.

I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that they have a Bureau of Bingo.

Make yourself at home, Father.

I'll get Mrs. Garrett to fix us up a little something.

Oh, thank you very much. I could use a bit of a nosh.

One nosh, coming up.

Help yourself to a glass of cherry, Father. Be right back. Oh, I don't mind

do.

Okay, Kimberly, you can turn around now.

Okay, now, get in the bed and start dying.

Okay,

that's more.

Okay.

Come to see the boys. Father, hopefully not too late. No, no, no.

Listen, Drummond and I just got back ourselves.

We were out making the final arrangements.

I'm so glad that you could join us.

Well, I imagine you go through the type thing a lot, Father.

Yes, but I'm getting so that I enjoy it.

You enjoy it?

Well, I imagine priests have to be the toughest fighters.

We surely do.

Life is really something. Just when you think you have the answer, they call you

a number, then bingo.

Only if you're lucky.

Would you care to join me in a glass of sherry?

No, I don't drink.

I'd just rather see the boy.

Oh, well, there's no rush.

A couple more minutes won't kill the boy.

Father, you're something else.

You know, champ,

I used to do a little boxing.

I've taken a few punches myself.

Now, that's what I figured.

Oh,

all the bedrooms are upstairs.

Well, nice. Thank you. I'll be seeing you. Oh, okay.

Okay, now, Arnold, act like you're dying.

No, worse.

Arnold, that doesn't... look like you're dying. Looks more like you're hungry.

It's me, Champ. Can I come in?

It's him!

He's here!

Come on, you're dying, remember?

Look dead.

Come in, Champ.

He's awfully weak, Champ.

Hi there, Arnold.

Who's that?

It's me, the champ.

Joe Louis?

This kid's delirious.

No, it's me, Muhammad Ali.

You'll have to speak louder. I can't hear you over those golden hearts.

Golden hearts?

Oh, this kid's in trouble. Did you all find out what he's got?

It's a rare tropical disease.

When was it in the tropics?

It wasn't. That's what makes it so rare.

So what?

Champ? Yeah?

Could I ask a favor while I still got breath in my little lungs?

Yeah, what is it?

Could you autograph a picture for me?

Be glad to.

Here's a pen.

Boy, you got quicker hands than me.

I've got my pitch already for you. Now, what do you want me to say?

To my best friend, Arnold.

To my best friend, Arnold.

Who I've always liked to have dinner with.

Who I've always liked to have dinner with.

And who I'm teaching to hook guys like the goods so they won't pick on him.

Wait a second.

Those guys will be sick and dying. You sure have a lot of energy.

Oh, oh, well, here comes the ghost that just went.

You know something, Arnold?

I've been north and I've been south.

But now I finally met somebody with my kind of mouth.

Now, I'm not no sucker, no fool.

Tell me, what's going on here?

Is here?

I'm telling you, I was talking to him. He was standing right there.

Father, how many of those sherrys have you had?

Mrs. Garrett, Father O 'Brien is a man of the clock. Now, if he says that he

Muhammad Ali in this house, then I say, get him a cup of black coffee, fat.

Drummond. Hello, Mr. Drummond. Pleased to meet you. Nice to meet you. You know

Father O 'Brien? Yes. And this is Mr. Garrett, our housekeeper. How do you do,

sir? Oh, he's so gentle.

Got it.

Got it.

Drummond residence.

Who?

Just a minute. I know.

For you.

The Gooch.

Is that the Gooch you was talking about?

There's only one Gooch.

Yeah, Gooch.

Yeah, Gooch.

Gooch. I'm going to let you talk to a friend of mine. His name is the champ,

Muhammad Ali.

Spread it on, champ.

Hey, Gooch.

What's going on, Gooch?

Yes, really me.

Ali, not no Rich Little.

Gooch.

Gooch.

I think he fainted.

more fun here than I did with the Joe Frazier fight.

I can't tell you how happy we are to have you here. Ian, I'm sorry we lied to

you. Lied?

Lied? What lie?

Uh, we'll explain later at a safer time.

If anybody would like to confess, I'm an equal opportunity priest.

I think I'm going to be going, folks.

Okay. Because I'm liable to get a whooping myself.

A whooping?

I thought you quit fighting. Well, I did, but my wife didn't.

Before you leave, can we take a couple of pictures of you?

I never say no to having this beautiful face reproduced.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man in four meets a man of eight. Then along come two.

They got nothing but the gene.

But they got different strokes to take.

Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to move the world. Different strokes to move the world.