Original subtitles

Guess who, woman?

Oh, Ben.

Don't look at me.

Someone could see us. Right, which reminds me. You know the community

dance that's coming up?

Ben, you know how I feel about this. I know, I know.

You don't want us to be seen together, so I'm not going to ask you to go.

You can beg, you can get down on your knees, you can plead, and there is no

on God's green earth I'm even going to consider taking you to that dance.

Thank you, Ben.

So much for reverse psychology.

What we have is very special.

Very private.

The reason it's so special is because we're the only ones who know about it.

We're like Romeo and Juliet.

Louise, they wound up killing themselves.

place around the corner. Oh, fantastic.

I used to go there two, three times a week. It's not as good as it used to be.

What are you talking about? It's just open.

It used to be a massage ball.

People, please.

We're supposed to be here to bare our souls, to open our hearts. And what are

talking about?

Food, restaurant, mindless drivel.

That woman? I've had enough to hear with that woman.

The waitress in the deli.

Again, she put mayo on my BLT.

Oh, the hell with it. Why don't we just turn this place into a diner?

What's with her?

I think she's had it for a might old moment.

in talking about real, honest -to -God problems, don't even bother to show up.

Because once you're here, I'm going to lock that door and not let anyone out

until each and every one of you has shared something personal. And I don't

how intimate it is.

In that case, can I bring Sly...

I've got some beauts.

Ben, come in. Hi, John. Listen, I really appreciate you coming over like this.

Hey, what are friends with power tools for?

Well, here they are.

I got them at the flea market this morning.

Antique bentwood cane.

Nice, John.

Yeah. Oh, I see a problem.

Yeah. Got yourself a wobbler here.

Yeah. You think you can fix it?

Hey, I'll have you sitting pretty in no time.

Thanks.

I've been treating you.

Oh, everything's fine.

That's great.

Can I get you a beer?

What are you made of, stone? Can't you see a man in pain here?

Ah, pain. Yeah, right.

How could I have missed?

Well, I'm seeing this fantastic, slightly older woman who I'm crazy

I'm in a relationship to the next step, and she doesn't.

Oh, I get it.

Well, what you want is perfectly natural. I mean, you're a man. She's a

You want to sleep with her.

No, I've slept with her. I want to take her out.

Ah, well.

I'm sure you know each other well enough.

Yeah, but it's just so frustrating.

I mean, you wouldn't believe it.

I mean, I met her.

I went over to her apartment.

The next thing I know, we're...

Your blackened neck is getting quite a workout there.

What is the problem?

The problem is she doesn't want anybody to find out about us. So if I want to

take her to, well, say, a dance, she won't go.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

No, that's why I want your advice. No, I meant the chair.

It's this stuff I know. It's women.

I don't have a clue. I'm telling you, she's turning my whole world upside

Obviously, this woman is no good for you, Ben.

You're not exactly doing wonders for my furniture either.

Maybe you should think about dating someone your own age, you know, someone

have more in common with. I don't want to date anybody else.

I'm sorry, John.

I shouldn't have bothered you with this. I'll just, uh, I'll handle it my own

way.

There you go.

Perfect.

Okay, so it still wobbles and it's a little short.

Disappointment's part of life. Get used to it.

great relationship if you can't tell people how wonderful it makes you feel.

mean, geez, Louise.

Our entire relationship is built upon... For sale by John Lacey.

Father and son bent wood chairs.

Boy, that's great.

Listen, Ben, I've got to go.

Don't forget to lock the door as soon as John and Annie get here. And you're not

to open it until the meeting is over at nine o 'clock. Sure, sure, whatever you

say, but...

Now I've got to clean this up.

Is everyone looking forward to our special night?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But can we get on with this? I happen to have a very classy

lady waiting for me outside on the corner.

the honeymoon.

Do a lot of fantasizing about me?

Hey, Ben.

Oh, hi, Annie.

They're waiting for you in there.

Oh. Hey,

Annie.

I need a woman's opinion.

Is there any reason you know of why a woman wouldn't want to be seen with me

some simple little community -centered dance?

Oh, I know what you're up to.

This is a trick.

You want me to go to the dance, right?

Excuse me?

on me.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I tried that already. It didn't work.

No, I really want to go with somebody else.

You are good.

You got yourself a date.

Um, okay.

for her.

Don't worry. I'm on it.

Thank you, Mrs.

Filbert, for sharing your experiences with us.

Not to mention what you shared with the Grateful Dead.

At least now you know why they were grateful.

something I've never told anyone.

Well,

oh, I can't, I can't. You can, dear, you can.

My entire life.

When I was 16 years old, I won a beauty contest at the Chesapeake County Fair,

but, and here's the really awful part, I shouldn't have.

I cheated.

I told you they weren't real.

competition when I was supposed to be singing, I was actually lip -syncing to

record.

It's been gnawing at me ever since, because if anyone should have been

Miss Chesapeake County, it should have been Aretha Franklin.

Now, don't you feel better?

Yes, I do, Louise.

Thank you.

Why don't you go next, Red? Why don't you tell everybody about the time you

lured me into the storeroom you couldn't keep your hands off of me?

I believe it was the other way around.

Whatever, just talk about it. I would like to relive it.

That's quite enough out of you. Kate doesn't have to play this game. She's

officially part of the group anymore.

She's a happily married graduate.

Blissfully happy.

Happy as a woman can be, whose husband spends 12 hours a day with another

What? Oh, the precinct assigned Mitch a new partner, and she is absolutely

gorgeous. And right now, they're on a stakeout together in a motel room.

During the last two weeks, she spent more time with Mitch than I got to spend

with him on our honeymoon.

Yeah, but what you had was intimate, meaningful, quality time.

What they're having is nothing but cheap thrills.

I'm sure they won't. Oh, yeah? Well, look at you and me.

whose turn is it now?

I believe it's yours, Joe.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You two slut together?

How could you even think of bouncing bones with him when you could have been

with me?

A man who knows how to treat a woman with tenderness and sensitivity and

respect.

So, John, how was she?

at least four years ago.

Four years?

And in all that time, you, my best friend in the world with whom I share

everything, couldn't be bothered to tell me?

Well, there wasn't really that much to tell. It was just the one time, and it

was so nothing.

You got me to thank for it.

You, John?

Yeah.

I'm the reason Ben asked Annie out in the first place.

You, John?

You betcha.

You see, the poor kid came to me and said he was having an affair with an

woman.

Apparently a lonely, desperate old woman who only wanted him for one thing

anyway. So I told him he should drop that extra baggage and find someone his

age. This feels great. Finally someone took my advice.

I had no idea who Ben was talking about. I mean, when he said that he was seeing

an older woman, I thought he meant older older.

Not younger older, like you.

And I thought he meant someone American.

Not English.

It's completely different when the younger older person is English.

Plus, I'm all for May -December relationships.

Of course, actually, you're probably closer to late August.

You...

And Ben?

You and Ben?

How dare you yell at me for not blabbing about the John thing when you're

clamming up about this?

This is hot.

This doesn't even come close to my insignificant John thing.

You know, I wish you people would stop that.

Hey, hey, I think it's nice you and Ben. You know, now your little boy will have

someone to play with.

seeing a younger man.

Yeah, if the situation were reversed, nobody would think twice about it.

Besides, women reach their sexual peak at age 35, where men reach theirs at age

19. It's a scientific fact.

Well, if it's a scientific fact, how come you all wanted to sleep with John?

He's older than dark.

Louise, I'm really very surprised at you.

That's just the reaction I...

I don't mean the thing about you and Ben. I mean, I think that's great. But

you're the one that wanted us all to come in here and finally bear our souls.

And here you are, holding out on us.

How could I possibly tell you?

You'd think I was foolish.

Poor, ridiculous Louise couldn't find anyone her own age, so she's having a

fling with a young boy who'll leave her the instant he finds someone younger and

prettier.

Only...

It isn't a fling.

At least not for me.

Oh, I am foolish, aren't I?

Oh, Louise, you're not foolish.

Mitch, are you?

Oh, no.

I just let my imagination run away with me.

We trust each other completely.

You didn't tell him about that little nothing meaningless thing, did you?

What are you, nuts? He's a cop. He has a gun.

So did you and Mrs. Philbin. Anything?

Never happened.

And don't you start with your yak, yak, yak.

remembered I have something else to do that night.

Oh, that's okay. To tell you the truth, I really didn't want to take you anyway.

Why not?

It's my hair, isn't it?

Look, I know it looks that way, but can I just explain about Annie?

There's no need, Ben.

Our relationship is going nowhere. We've tried to hide it, to keep it from

people.

But it just isn't working.

What are you saying, Louise?

I'd like to go with you to the community center dance next Saturday.

You mean you don't care what people think about anymore?

In a nutshell, no.