Original subtitles

Woo!

before a studio audience.

Oh! Oh!

Good shooting, John!

That's 10, 14, 17 points for your team. 17? Wait a minute! My last dart alone

was worth 20 points.

How do you think? Well, that's how you scored it when your dart landed there.

Well, that's because that was my second dart.

Did I mention we're using the Swiss scoring method?

Hold it, hold it. Are you telling me that if your first thought sticks in the

wall, you get a bonus?

Look it up.

I don't know.

Even if I do meet someone, it seems like I always attract the wrong kind of guy.

I feel like a jerk magnet.

Well, Kate, maybe you're not leaving yourself open to meeting the right kind

man. What do you mean? Well, you did say putting your ex... through medical

school, and then as soon as he graduated, he left you for another

So? Well, maybe that experience has embittered you against all men.

Oh, come on. My ex -husband's ancient history.

I let go of that years ago. Believe me, I hardly ever think of him. More that

flat -chested little melon head he's living with.

Men.

You can't live without them, and you can't live without them.

All right, sports fans.

The final dot.

All right.

I don't believe it! A Wellington!

We win!

Hold it right there. Now, what the hell is a Wellington?

Oh, it's simple, John.

If you maneuver your last dot into this spot right here, then you triple your

score for all three dots. Unless, of course, it's an even number, which it's

not. It's a Wellington.

John Lacey? Yeah.

Neil!

Kappa! Alpha!

Epsilon! Ziggy -soggy! Ziggy -soggy! Hoi! Hoi! Hoi!

Hey, guys! This is Neil Kramer, an old fraternity brother of mine.

Hey, John.

You were one of those frat weenies?

Hey, there's no way you would ever catch me joining one of those fraternities.

You went to college?

No, he didn't have to. We spent eight years in high school.

John's friend is kind of cute.

To you, he's cute.

To me, he's jailbait.

So, John, are you still teaching high school? Yes, I am. How's your computer

business? Well, I decided to have some fun, so I sold my business.

Boy, I'd like to sell my ninth grade English class.

Hey, come here. I want you to meet some people.

Neil, uh, Neil Kramer.

Uh, these are some friends of mine. This is, uh, Kate.

Louise and Mrs. Pilgrim. Hello, Kate.

I'm sorry, let me just... I'm so sorry.

Hold it, hold it, hold it, Kate.

Allow me before we all have to move to higher ground.

Hey, Neil.

How's Melissa?

We're divorced.

Me too.

Funny.

Wendy always thought that you and Melissa would be together forever.

No kidding. Melissa always thought that you and Wendy would be together forever.

So much for women's intuition.

Hey, are you still a Knicks fan?

Yes. Because I have an extra ticket for the game on Sunday. Oh, I can't go

Sunday. I'm sorry.

I got to teach this seminar.

Oh, listen, if you need someone to go to the game with you, why don't you ask

Kate? Kate is a very big sports fan.

John, you got to help me out.

Kirk just got a double Wellington.

What the... I'll explain it to you.

Well,

how about it, Kate? Are you doing anything on Sunday?

Sunday? Oh, I don't know. That's such short notice. Oh, Sunday. Sunday would

great. Oh, terrific.

Now, I hope that you're a Knicks fan.

Oh, me? Are you kidding?

Go Knicks!

Well,

it looks like you ladies could use some refills. Now, what were you spelling?

I'll have another Boilermaker.

I think you handled that quite well, Kate.

How about that? I'm going to a Knicks game.

By the way, are the Knicks football or hockey?

remind you once again about this weekend's clothing drive for the

I hope we'll all open our hearts and our closets to make this event a big

success. Oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Louise, um, I would like to help, but I don't have any old

clothes. Nothing.

Well, what about that cape the Pope gave you?

Well, he didn't actually give it to me.

He traded me for my Mets jacket.

So, Kate, I meant to ask you, how did your date with Neil go last week? Oh,

great. Thanks for introducing us.

In fact, we had such a good time, we drove all the way to Boston on Tuesday

see the Knicks play again.

Neil drove all the way to Boston for a basketball game?

Well, he wanted a break in his new Corvette.

Well, he sure has a lot of energy for a guy that old, doesn't he, John?

Whoops, sorry.

Night, Ralph. Good night, my dear.

All right.

Well, you've certainly broken out of your dating slump in fine fashion, Kate.

Oh, yeah.

In fact, Neil and I are going out again tonight.

We have such a good time together.

He's so charming and thoughtful, considerate, so witty.

And he hasn't once made a pass at me.

Oh, you poor thing.

Tough luck, honey.

What's wrong with me?

Why hasn't he made a move on me? Why hasn't he just grabbed me and pinned me

against the hood of his car?

Oh, that could be dangerous.

Back in 1964, I had to have an ornament removed.

I think perhaps he's gay.

No.

Neil and I were singing old songs the other night.

And he didn't know the words to send in the clowns. Oh.

Well, if Neil hasn't made a move on you, perhaps it's time you made a move on

him. Oh, gee, I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't want to just throw myself at

Why not?

Well, I don't want him to think I'm too easy.

Kids.

Kate, there's nothing wrong with a woman letting a man know she's interested.

I do it with a walk.

If you want to get a guy's engine started, let him see you walking like

Oh, you know, I always knew Manhattan was beautiful at night, but seeing it

a blimp looked incredible.

Yeah, I have wanted to go up in a blimp since I was a little kid, but somehow I

could just never find the time.

Isn't it crazy how we always put things off? I mean, if there's something we

want... Why not just go for it?

Good point.

Um... Would you like to come in for a while?

Oh, thanks, Kate. But we both have to get up pretty early. I have an

appointment. You have that clothing drive, remember?

Yeah.

Oh, right.

You know... I just remembered.

I do have an alarm clock, and I...

Bet it would be loud enough to wake us both.

Oh, I don't know, Kate. I'll make you breakfast.

Well, that is a very nice offer, but...

Aren't you going to open the door?

top of the world, you must have had a good time last night. It shows, huh?

Sure does.

Your neck is sporting a love tomato the size of Utah.

We had such a great time.

Neil surprised me with a blimp ride over Manhattan.

Oh, how unusual.

Yeah, and tonight I've got a little surprise for him.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Rat, Rat, easy. There's a box of pants over

here getting excited.

Take a look at these.

What? Two tickets to the Rolling Stones concert? Yeah, yeah. Neil's always

wanted to see them in person, and they got two in the front row.

Front row seats for the Stones. How romantic.

You and Neil can hold hands and watch each other's ears bleed.

Excuse me.

Is there a Kate McCarron here?

Oh, that's me.

These are for you. I need you to sign here.

It's a soothing drive for the homeless.

That is really nice.

I hope you find something you can use.

Kate, what's wrong?

I just got dumped.

What are you talking about?

This. In short, your friend said, thanks for last night.

and get lost.

Oh, no.

Um, Red, if I may, um, I usually

try and stay away from women on the rebound, but in this case, I was just

saying... Oh, shut up.

Okay, I off it.

How dumb could I get? You know, I thought Neil was different.

I guess he's just like every other man.

Uh, wait, Kate. You know, I... I don't want to hear anything from you either.

Me? What would I do? Well, you practically forced me to go to that

basketball game with your old fraternity pal. You know, John, next time you feel

the urge to butt into my life, butt out.

Poor Kate.

Think you want to unload those stones tickets?

minutes, you're going to be as good as new.

Oh, you dirty.

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming.

What are you doing? Oh, I broke this plate my students gave me. I'm just

to glue it back together.

I'm glad you can make it over, Neil. Well, I wanted to talk about this in

person. Cake means a lot to me, too, you know. Well, you have a very strange way

of showing it, Neil.

John, let me tell you what's going on here.

You remember back in college when you and I were pallbearers at Skip Foster's

funeral? How can I forget? He's the first friend I ever had who died.

You remember at the cemetery, we were standing up on a hill.

And we were talking about what had happened to Skip, and we promised each

that we would never get plastered and drive.

Yeah. We even talked about which one of us was probably going to die first, you

and me. Right. Yeah. And we made a bet about that. You remember?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, it looks like you're going to win.

Huh?

I've got about a year to live.

I have this type of leukemia that is called CML.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I couldn't believe it either.

I thought it was some kind of a mistake. I mean, that is the kind of thing that

happens to somebody else, right?

I got so damn mad, I was... Oh, I was mad at my body, I was mad at my doctor,

was mad at everything, everybody.

Now, I'm still mad.

But I've learned to deal with it.

I'm handling it, John.

Honestly, I am.

Now, I hope you can understand why I didn't want to tell Kate this. I mean,

tell people that you're dying, they just fall apart.

Go figure, people.

why he dropped Kate.

Kirk, you know how to knock?

John, it was open.

You ought to be more careful there, buddy. Any freak could just walk right

here.

Kirk,

what do you want? I got a little problem, John. I need to use your phone.

you use your own phone? Well, that's a problem.

I see Marbella and I had a little spat and she got off my dial phone. Look,

Kirk, Kirk, Neil and I are trying to have a little talk here. That's no

No problem at all. I'll just use the phone in the bedroom.

No, Kirk.

Oh, and you guys, try and keep it down, will you? I'm calling long distance.

Please, Kirk.

I'm sorry about that. Well, hey, it's your phone bill.

So, listen, have you got a beer for a fellow frat weenie, huh? Yes, yes, sure

do. Come here.

Oh, uh, they're in the fridge. Would you get me one? Sure.

Oh, Kate, Kate. Hi, Kate.

Yeah. I just wanted to come over and apologize for what I said to you this

morning. Yeah, well, I accept. Goodbye.

I'm not... What?

I don't blame you.

I mean, it's not your fault that Neil's a jerk.

Okay, let's do it again.

Well,

look who's here.

Having a brewski with your buddy to celebrate your latest conquest, huh?

You don't understand.

understand perfectly.

You know, as far as I'm concerned, you can drop dead.

Uh, Kate, Kate, Kate, now listen. Hold on.

I've really screwed this whole thing up here. There's something I should have

told you.

What's that?

I should have told you I'm dying.

Whoa.

John, this guy is good.

talking about?

Well, I, uh, I have leukemia and it's terminal.

Oh, I'm so, so sorry. No, no, Kate, I'm the one who's sorry. As soon as I felt

myself getting close to you, I should have stopped. I should have pulled away.

Why? Why? We'll make the most of the time we have left, I promise.

I'm very flattered, Kate, but I have a lot of things that I want to do before

time's up.

Like what?

Well, For one thing, I'd like to learn how to scuba dive. I can swim.

And I want to take a safari in Africa. I love animals. I want to skydive over

the Grand Canyon.

I can wait at the hotel and do some shopping.

Kay, you are very special.

And I wish that I had some room in my life for a relationship, but I don't.

It may sound selfish, but the only person that I have time to worry about

now is...

Me.

Can you understand that?

Yeah.

And you don't, uh, you don't hate me?

No.

I've wasted too much time hating men already.

Hey, are you busy tonight?

No, why?

Take a look at these.

The Stones?

Yeah, front row center. You want to go?

Okay, hot stuff. You got yourself a date. Great.

Hey, John, we're taking off now.

Huh? Yeah, Kate and I are going to do something that I've always wanted to do.

We're going to see a Stones concert.

Really?

Stones, huh?

Yeah, well, have a great time.

John, it was... It's real good seeing you again.

Same here, buddy.

Kappa.

Alpha. Epsilon.

Siggy -saggy. Siggy -saggy. Hoy, hoy, hoy.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Yeah.

About what?