Original subtitles

The time.

before a live studio audience.

Oh,

John! Where did you learn to tango like this?

Is that what we're doing?

Wow!

Oh, you are so fun.

I mean, the dancing and the carriage ride through Central Park. You know, I

didn't know you were allowed to drive those horses yourself.

Well, you're really not supposed to, but I thought the cop was very reasonable

about it.

John,

this is a very loveless apartment.

Thank you. I had a decorator, but I work with him.

Would you like a nightcap?

Um,

I guess white wine?

White wine? Boy, are you in luck.

You see, I happen to have this excellent...

French Chardonnay.

It's an oaky little wine with a kind of a flowery nose.

That looks like you could use a new television set here. Well, that's

I spend so much of my salary on fine wine.

There you go.

What time is your plane leave tomorrow?

At noon.

You must be excited, huh? Transferred to Paris?

I am. I mean, every flight attendant's dream to be based in that city. Are you

kidding? Oh, and just, I'll be able to get great wine like this.

I'll bet it'll be a lot cheaper there.

Oh, I don't know.

Well, anyway, here's to Paris.

To Paris.

Oh,

this has just been so much fun.

Oh, that rainbow room was just beautiful with the view of the city. Oh, and...

Oh, and the street band with the steel drum going outside the Trump Tower. You

remember that? I thought I was going to be very cold, but I wasn't. I mean, I

say, oh, and people always think New Yorkers, they're so mean, they're so

terrible, they're awful, but they're not. They're really nice, and it's just,

I'm babbling.

I'm babbling. I'm making no sense at all.

Has anyone ever told you that you're very cute when you babble?

John,

I never...

sleep with anyone on the first date. Do you?

Honestly? Uh, no.

Boy, just think, uh, this time tomorrow, neither of us are going to be able to

say that.

Good morning, Susan.

Suzanne. Suzanne.

Suzanne.

I'm terrible before my morning coffee.

Oh, do you want some coffee? No, thanks.

Okay, well, I'm going to call you tonight as soon as I get to Paris.

I'm going to give you my address and my phone number. But don't forget, there's

a six -hour time difference, unless it's a, like, savings time, which is, of

course, five hours.

And I was thinking Christmas would be the perfect time for you to come for a

visit. What do you think?

I can get you a great discount on a plane fare. I'll tell them we're

We'll have two weeks together. It'll be great. You get two weeks off on

Christmas, don't you? Seems like I always get two weeks off when I was a

Oh, you want me some more juice? No.

It's okay.

I can't stop thinking about last night. Yeah. It was really great.

It was special, yeah.

Whoa.

I just got a great idea.

I'm going to call the airline and change my flight until tomorrow.

You can play hooky from school. We'll have lunch at Tavern on the Green. It'll

be wonderful.

And then we'll go to a museum and we'll have this wonderful... Suzanne, that

sounds wonderful.

But I have classes all day. Oh, darn.

Then we will have to do something tonight. Let me think. Tonight? Tonight?

I'm sorry. I talk about rotten timing. I got CPR class tonight.

Oh, well, then it'll have to just be after that. No, after that, I've got my

teachers for peace rally and not to mention my kickboxing lesson.

Kickboxing? You could cancel it. No, not a chance. Tonight I earn my black sock.

Suzanne, I really got to go.

So, look, just close the door on your way out. It'll lock by itself. And take

care of yourself.

You hear me?

Okay. Bye.

you check the victim.

Miss, are you all right?

If no response, call for help.

Help! Help!

Then check for breathing.

If none, administer the two quick full breaths, etc.

Now, who'd like to go first?

I'll give it a shot.

Leading life into women is my specialty.

So you come here often?

move. I'm just going to change into something more comfortable.

Oh, John, thanks for entertaining Suzanne last night.

Did you two have a good time?

Oh, yes, as well.

Something wrong?

I did something I'm not really very proud of. I hated when other guys do it,

here I did it myself.

John, what did you do?

I lied to a woman.

Yeah?

I didn't tell her the truth, so get to the point.

Kurt. What? Oh, for crying out loud.

John, what did you lie to her about?

Well, she was going to postpone a trip to Paris so we could have one more night

together, and to get out of it, I made up a story about how busy I was.

I don't understand, John. If I had a wonderful time with a beautiful woman,

want to see her again.

Even if I had an awful time with an ugly woman, I'd want to see her again.

That reminds me, I gotta go call Shirley.

John, why don't you want to see Suzanne again?

Well, if you must know, I think she was starting to fall for me.

That's hilarious, John. For a minute there, I thought you said she was

to fall for you.

I did.

Could happen.

Yeah, you're darn right it could happen. That was the most incredible romantic

night, you know.

And then the next morning, she started to talk, you know, and talk and talk and

talk about one thing. Us, us, us.

Us in Paris, us on the telephone, us writing letters. I mean, I barely know

woman, and right now she's 37 ,000 feet in the air planning our future.

Maybe you should write her a letter and explain that to her.

What, you mean a goodbye letter? You mean a dear John letter? Oh, no, no, no.

No, I've been through that pain myself. No, thank you. I wouldn't do that to

another human being. I know. If I were in her situation, I would want to know

the truth.

Well, maybe you're right. Well, when she calls from Paris, I'll tell her the

truth.

Good. Now that that's settled, let's get back to our CPR, shall we? Mrs.

Philbert, would you like to go next? Oh, yes.

I'm quite familiar with this kind of thing.

During the Second World War, I worked for the Red Cross.

I brought a lot of our boys back to life.

Where were you stationed?

Behind the mess hall.

What are you doing here?

Look, I know what you're going to say. I know how hard it must have been for you

to leave this morning thinking it would be so long until we saw each other

again. So I did something today for you, for me, for us.

You're staying another night?

Better. I quit my job.

What?

Why, why?

Shh, don't thank me. Don't thank me. I just started thinking about that big

ocean between us, you know.

all the time we were going to miss out on together.

And this is once in a lifetime, you know.

I mean, we really have to take advantage of it while we can.

So, I want you to sit down.

Have your drink.

I've got to finish unpacking.

I'm Bob.

John, I don't understand.

She's been in your apartment an entire week. Why don't you simply ask her to

leave? I tried to, but when she looks at me with those innocent, helpless,

trusting eyes and with that little girl pout, I just don't know what to say.

John, you know what I do when I want to get rid of a broad?

Open your mouth?

Can't you just tell Suzanne that you care about her, but you prefer living

alone? Well, I told her I just got divorced. I'm not ready for another

relationship. She said it's problems like that that will bring us closer

together.

John, call it woman's intuition, but that first night you slept together,

did you happen to say anything that she may have taken the wrong way?

You know, in the, uh, heat of battle.

Oh, I did not say anything that would lead her on. No, of course not.

You didn't, perchance, happen to tell her you loved her?

Never, never, never.

Are you sure you didn't say I love you? I did not say I love you. The most I

might have said was, I love it.

You know, something doesn't add up here. I mean, this woman is camping out in

your apartment just because you slept with her once?

John? All right, it's just... All right, it wasn't just once.

But I swear to you, the second time was only that night after she moved in.

And then again the next morning.

Oh, oh, oh, I see.

First you told her to get out, and then you slept with her. You deliver one hell

of an eviction notice, fella.

I wish you were my landlord.

party. You know, she's the one that seduced me.

I don't mean to be judgmental, John, but shame on you.

Oh, I get it. She moves into my apartment without even asking me, and

bad guy? I'm the bad guy? Well, okay. Oh, fine, fine.

Now we're going to really see a bad guy.

I'm going to go home right now, pack all her things, and throw her all her damn

stuff right...

It's going to be a difficult scene. I want to be there, you know, to help,

shoulder to lean on, lend a little support.

Kirk, I don't think John needs your support.

Who's talking about John?

Hi. Hi.

Nice meeting you. Yeah, you too.

You must be John!

Who are you?

Mom!

Mom? Isn't this wonderful, John?

Who is this, your brother?

No, that's Orlando. He's the TV repairman. It's time we got that set

two should really buy one of those big screens, Suzanne.

That's nice.

Suzanne, can I see you for a moment in the kitchen? Oh, yeah, sure. Mom, I want

you to come in the bedroom, all right? I really need decorating ideas. Uh,

Suzanne?

Mom's great, isn't she?

Suzanne, we have to talk. Oh, I know, I know. We have to talk.

Suzanne, we really, really, really have to talk about this relationship.

Oh, we really, really, really, really will talk about this relationship as

as Mom leaves, okay? Because I never get to see her, and she's only going to be

here a short time. As soon as she walks out the door, I promise we will talk,

okay? Well, well, I... Oh, please.

Okay.

I guess we can wait until tonight.

Tonight?

It is my pleasure to present you with your CPR certificate.

Ralph.

Kate. Thank you.

Mrs. Hilbert.

Darn not.

Here's Tom.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What happened to mine?

Kirk, I'm sorry, but in all good conscience, I cannot... issue you a CPR

certificate. Why not?

Because you chose to play the class clown with your disruptive tomfoolery

than learn the proper techniques.

Therefore, I don't feel you can be trusted in an emergency situation.

Can't be trusted? Do you have any idea who you are talking to?

When I was a lifeguard on Waikiki...

I used to spend my days battling 50 -foot waves, pulling in brownies left

right. I'll never forget one day. I saw this old man sinking far out in the

ocean. I swam out, I dragged that geezer in, I pumped life back into his frail

little body, and I sent him on his way.

And do you know who that man was?

Jacques Boustard.

You're flunking me?

Yes.

John, John, are you all right? All right, all right, all right. No, no, no,

not all right. I think I'm losing my mind. I know I'm losing my mind. I lost

mind. Just put me in a straight jacket and take me away.

And he passed CPO?

Oh, God, she just won't leave. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy.

I've tried everything. I'm really desperate. She just won't leave.

I mean, last night I even went to the police department.

I told them that I had a woman in my bed who just wouldn't get out. Have you

ever had 35 cops laugh in your case?

No, but a plainclothesman tried on one of my dresses.

Yes, yes, yes. Please.

I'm desperate here. I need help. I really need help. I'm going crazy. Okay,

okay, John.

Here's a job for the Kirkster. You want her out of your apartment, consider her

gone. What are you going to do? Simple. I'll play the jealous lover. I'll tell

you you're my man. Oh!

Come on, Leah Kirk.

What? I'm not good enough for you?

All right, John.

All right, I think you've suffered enough.

I'll try to help you. You will?

So will I.

Oh, thanks, Kate. Louise, thanks. You think you can handle this?

be a bad idea to have a woman -to -woman talk with Suzanne. Maybe we'll be able

to get through to her. Yes, we'll sit down like civilized adults, have some

and a nice rational conversation.

And if that doesn't work, slap her silly.

Listen, I really appreciate you guys helping me out this way. Take nothing of

it. Just let us in and wait out here while we go in and talk to her.

Hope she's decent.

If she was decent, she would have left last week.

John. Yeah.

John, I'm afraid she's not here.

Not here? That's impossible.

Suzanne?

Her clothes are not here.

Uh, John.

What?

Dear John.

Oh,

not another Dear John letter. Not again. No, no, I don't want to hear that.

I never wanted to hurt you.

But when I first...

She left him for the TV repairman.

Thanks for your support.

Oh, come on, John.

You wanted her out and she's out.

This isn't fair.

How could she walk away from me like that? I told the woman I loved her.