All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S04E06.Recipe.for.Death.II.Kiss.the.Cook.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-ViSUM_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM:
The '80s were the pinnacle

of the badass, jacked-up
action hero.

They tore up the movie screen

and inspired every kid to let
out their inner commando.

Dude! It's like looking
into a mirror!

(AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER)
I'll be back.

You're not going anywhere,
mister.

You got schmutz
all over your face.

Here, let Mama
get it off.

No! I'm Commando.

Commando?
No, no, no.

Go put some undies on.
You're gonna chafe
your little gumdrops.

ADULT ADAM: Yep.
Growing up, a new Arnold
movie was an event.

Remember, Sully,
when I promised to
kill you last?

That's right, Matrix,
you did!

I lied.
(SCREAMS)

Schwarzenegger really is
the coolest man alive.

And his acting gets slightly
better in every movie.

Hoo-hoo!
Look at Commando go!

He just punched
that guy dead!

ADULT ADAM:
Like most dads in the '80s,

Murray Goldberg loved action
movies as much as me.

No, Commando!
Don't go in that shed!

Adam, Commando
won't listen!

(WHISPERING)
You know who is listening?

(NORMAL VOICE)
The entire theater!

ADULT ADAM: But my dad
just couldn't contain himself.

Incredible!
That had everything
you want in a movie!

Explosions, revenge,

a steam pipe being thrown
through a guy.

All movies should be
Commando.

Or Rambo.

Or any action movie
with an "O" on the end,
I'm in!

ADULT ADAM:
For the first time,

me and my dad
had something in common.

Naturally,
I'd use it for my gain.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Arnold said six lines
in that movie

and your dad
talked over every one?

No! This is my big ticket
to get him

to finally pony up some dough
for a homemade action movie!

Dude, when are you
gonna learn?
What?

It's like every week
you go to your dad

and ask him to support
one of your insanely
geeky hobbies.

(SCOFFS)
Name one.

Robots, swords,
video games,

Space Camp, D&D,
Magic, Fraggles,

a new computer so you could
"Weird Science" up a hot girl.

I live a rich life,
Dave Kim!

But this time's
gonna be different

'cause for the first time,
we love the same thing.

He can't say no!

And yet, I think
he'll find a way.

ADULT ADAM: And so began the
presentation of a lifetime.

Evening, dad.
Full disclosure.

I'm gonna do that thing
where I present you

with an awesome idea
and ask you to fund it.

Kiddo, please don't put us all
through this again.

It's hard to watch.

Not this time!

I've decided to make
my first action movie.

And I need you to help me
realize my vision.

Behold!

It's called
Recipe for Death.

I'm in.

I play John Cook,
the street-wise chef

whose brother was kidnapped
by the Mafia.

Now the only thing I serve

is vengeance.
I'm in.

Let me finish
before you mock me.

My movie stars the world's
biggest, baddest action hero.

He's not from Austria,
like Arnold,

or Belgium, like Van Damme,

or wherever Steven Seagal
is from.

Probably central Florida.

No! This superstar
lives in our house!

Me.

Stop talking! I'm in!

We get it, you're out,
just let the poor yutz finish.

What part of "I'm in"
don't you get?

The answer is yes.

Oh, sweet balls!
I've never made it this far.

What do I ask for?
I'm panicking.

He's having
some sort of episode.

Get everything you can.

Just take my 80 bucks.

Dear Lord! This is
a big-budget movie!

I'm making
a big-budget movie!

Yoo-yah!
(GRUNTS)

I'm already regretting this.

Too late!

� I'm twisted up inside

� But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

� I don't know the future

� But the past keeps getting
clearer every day �

ADULT ADAM: It was November 9,
1980-something,

and my sister was obsessed
with the one thing

every teen girl loved,
fashion.

Seriously! That dress could
literally not get any radder.

It's a sweater dress
from Benetton.

They can take even the lamest
and lumpiest of all clothes

and make it
sleek and sexy.

Well, Benetton is
the Italian word for "style."

I agree.

It's the perfect dress
for our homecoming party.

Me and Barry are
gonna look so classy.

God! I want a sweater dress
so bad.

I wish I could afford it.
Maybe you can get a job.

And maybe you can try
and help me instead of
talking nonsense.

Well, then just ask your mom
to buy it for you.

No way! Shopping with her
is a nightmare.

She always turns it
into a daylong bonding
marathon

with brunch and mani-pedis
and ice cream and long talks.

You mean like a loving mom
who you can always count on?

Ugh! I know, right?

Well, the question
you have to ask yourself

is how bad do you want
that sweater dress?

ADULT ADAM: The answer, bad.
So bad that she did this.

Mommy, remember that
one time when I lived
in your tummy?

(GASPS) So weird.
I was just thinking
about that.

Anyway. Can we go shopping
for a dress?

Wait, to clarify, I'm being
invited to go shopping

by you,
my delicious little pickle.

Yeah, that's me.
A pickle.

Whatever it takes.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Oh!

I just had to capture the
moment so I could remember
it forever.

The moment when my daughter
became my best friend.

So that's a yes?

Heck, yes!
Grab your coat!

Look out, Gimbels!
The Goldberg gals
are coming in hot!

Actually, I was thinking
a different store.

Oh, but everybody loves
Gimbels.

Yeah, it's like
traveling back

to simpler,
less-fashionable era.

I was thinking
more Benetton.

Ooh, yes.

That's the place
where you order the meats

and they cook them
right there next to you

and then they flip the meats
into your mouth

and then you eat
the meats.

That's Benihana.
Okay, then.

So, Gimbels first,
then flying meats,

then we get our nails done,
then a sherbet stop,

then I gotta pick up
your dad's prescription,

then paddle boating
in the park,
and then who knows?

The moon!
(CHUCKLING)

I just want a sweater
that's also a dress.

ADULT ADAM: Lucky for Erica,
Gimbels wasn't an option.

Going out of business?

What could that
possibly mean?

I think that means they're
going out of business.

Gimbels is the biggest
shopping chain in America.

That's like saying
Blockbuster Video shut down,

or B. Dalton Books,
or Circuit City.
It's impossible!

It seems possible
and very much happening.

I think you need
to shut your face-mouth!

Sorry. This is
the worst day of my life.

No. No way.
Why are they naked?

Give them their decency!

They need bulky khakis
and nylon blouses!

Calm down, mom.
It's just a store.

Not to me.
I've had my best
memories there.

Just think of all the coupons
I've doubled.

All the managers
I've made cry.

All the clothes
I've worn for a decade

and then returned
no questions asked.

No wonder they're
going out of business.

Now I'm store-less, Erica.

Life will
never be the same.

Hey. It doesn't matter
that Gimbels is closing.

What matters is that we're
spending time together.

Now, come on.
Let's buy me stuff.

ADULT ADAM: While Erica
was playing my mom,

I was about to play
my cinematic masterpiece

for my producer, my dad.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

Yah!

(GUNSHOT)

(GUNSHOT)

Cool, right?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Lots of good stuff there.

Dad, you're actually
interested in my movie!

I want your feedback.

Good or bad?
We're partners on this.

Partners?
Okay then.

Well, it's all dark
and hard to see.

There were some lighting
challenges. Note taken.

And the camera
shakes like crazy.

Camera's kinda heavy, so...

Also, it sounds like crap.

Wow. Lotta thoughts.

And it looks
cheap as hell.

All right,
maybe ease off.

Like a washed-out,
crummy public-access show
that's on at midnight.

I'm just a boy!

I gave you $80
to make a real movie.

You said you were gonna do
some real "Van Damage."

Look, a film camera
and lights and boom mic
cost a ton of money.

It's not just going to
fall in my lap.

Here's the stuff.
Make it good.

Wow.
Where'd you score this?

My cousin Russ films
bar mitzvahs for a living.
He said you could borrow it.

Whoa. Wait.
All this time,
I've had access

to high-tech Hollywood
film equipment,
and you've never told me?

I guess I never connected
the dots.

Oh, my God.

There's, like,
a warm sensation
inside my heart.

Don't make it weird.
It's like you're one of
those dads in the stands

cheering me on 'cause
I'm good at athletic-sport
competitions.

You made it weird.
Now, just take the
stuff and go.

Now that
I'm a real director,

I've gotta write a script
and hire a crew...

And hire your leading man?
You've come to the
right place.

And I accept your offer.

We didn't come to you,
and there's no offer.

Wait! Maybe this
is the one time

Barry would
actually be helpful.

This is the one time, bro!

I've extensively studied
the work of Chuck Norris

and know what it takes to be
a badass action star.

Karate!

Stunts!

(GROANS)

Acting.
Surprise! Anger!

Surprise! Anger!

And most important,
love scene.

No. Please don't show us
love scene.

Oh, sweet Lord.

He's never getting married.

Adam, a word.
Are you serious about this?

The guy's a moron.

He's your son.
That's how I know!

Trust me.
Barry's gonna be amazing.

Also, I have
no other options.
So do I have the part?

No.
Yes.

I see what's happening.
You're negotiating.

I will reduce my normal fee
of $1 million

and will work for free.
No, wait. $1,000!

No. I'll pay you!

Damn it. I blew it.

ADULT ADAM: While Barry was
preparing for his new role,

my mom wasn't at all prepared
for Benetton.

Welcome to the future
of clothing.

The United Colors
of Benetton.

It's very bright
and it smells weird.

Forget Gimbels.
This will be just as fun.

Hey. What's the one thing
you love doing most
when we go shopping?

Nodding yes or no
as you try on outfits

like they do
in the movies.

Well, then get ready
to nod yes

because we have
some shopping to do.

� Ow

� Yeah, yeah �

Uh-uh.

� I used to think
maybe you loved me

� Now, baby, I'm sure �

(MUSIC CUTS)
Stop shaking no.

I need a yes.
Shake yes!

I can't shake yes!

Just try!

It won't do it.
My neck loves Gimbels
too much.

Well, I don't care
about your stupid neck

as long as your credit card
is nodding.

I'm trying!

(SIGHS) Perhaps a dollop
of tuna salad

from the Benetton cafe
will calm my nerves.

There is no cafe.

Oh (BLEEP) no!

I will find tuna.

Give me (BLEEP) tuna!

What kind of store
doesn't have tuna?

ADULT ADAM: It was the morning
of the shoot,

and while my star
was ready to shine,

my dad was ready
to pull the plug.

And the Oscar for
Best Actor goes to...

Barry Norman Goldberg!

A lot of other actors
would say, "Thank you."

I'm saying,
"You're welcome."

Hey, Barry,
are you sure

this is how you want to
spend your Saturday?

Dude. This movie
is gonna be my calling card,

and it'll make
Jamie Lee Curtis notice me.

Don't tell Lainey!
No wait, tell her.
She needs to know.

All right, first off,
I wouldn't rock the boat
of that relationship.

And secondly, I think I saw
your Jenkintown Boys Club

down at the Wawa
parking lot.

The JTP?
Who was leading them?

I don't know.
Some new guy.

Was it Dan?
Sure.

Stupid Dan!
I will challenge him
to a game of smashball

and reassert my dominance.

(TIRES SCREECH)

ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
when it came to being
a producer,

my dad knew how to get
exactly what he wanted.

Why would he pass
on the role of a lifetime?

Why?
We're screwed blue!

We have no time to recast!

I'm way ahead of you.

Coach is here
and ready for his closeup!

I am your clay.

Mold me.

Coach Mellor?
He's our star?

Oh, yeah.
I slipped him the script.

He responded
to the material.

Well, I guess
you're my only option,
so...you got the part.

You honor me.
Do you know your lines?

I memorized the whole script.
I love the zingers.

My favorite one...
"See you ladle."

I like how you wrote "ladle"
instead of "later."
'Cause I'm a cook.

"See you ladle"?
I didn't write that.

That'd be me.
I did some noodling
with the script, partner.

Dad! You can't
rewrite my script!

But you didn't have
any snappy one-liners
like Arnold says.

That's the best part
of an action movie.

Now you got
a bunch of 'em.

Sear you later.

Spat-u-later.

Cheese ya grater.

They are all the same!

Dad, I appreciate the support,
but this is still my movie.

Hey. Everyone knows
that you're the
creative vision

behind
"Recipe for Death 2."

Two? We haven't even filmed
part one.

The best action movies
are always the sequel,

so we're just skipping ahead
to the good stuff.

Know what?
We're a team.

The important thing
here is we're working on
this together.

Pops, I need
a new producer!

Huh?
What am I producing?

80 bucks and no back talk.
I'm in.

ADULT ADAM: While I had found
a way to push my dad
out of the picture,

Erica had finally found
her new look.

Find everything you need?

(GRUMBLING) Mmm-mmm.

We did. Thank you.

Whatever.

I have a coupon.

Oh. I'm sorry, this coupon
is for Gimbels.

Correct.
It's a competitor's coupon,
so you match the price.

And when we're done here,
I'm gonna need this back

so I can use it
at other stores.

Yeah, we don't
really consider Gimbels
a competitor

because we're fresh
and cool and hip and fun,
and they're...closing.

Oh, God. Um. Just run
the credit-card machine thing.

Let me get this straight.

Benetton thinks it's better
than Gimbels

because you have
all these glossy posters
hanging around?

These kids were
clearly dressed
against their will.

Come on,
make the ch-chunk.

This is bull corn.

Okay. I'm going to
have to ask you

to take your business
elsewhere.

Ho-ho!

You're banning me
from your store?

No-no, sister.

I'm banning you.

You can't ban me.
Oh, I just did.

You are Ban-itonned!

That's not a word.

Oh, it is now.
I Bani-ton you

from having the pleasure of us
in your store, sucka!

Come on, Erica.

The cu...I'm...
BEVERLY: No!

ADULT ADAM: While my mom
was making a scene,

I was directing a scene
of my own.

We meet again, Blade.

Well, well, John Cook.

I'm surprised you survived
the series of traps

I set
in my deadly labyrinth.

Well, I'm back, a...

And I'm ready to
spoon-feed you a delicious
mouthful of pain.

I'll see ya ladle.

Looking for something?

Cut! Cut. Cut.

You're not selling it,
Dave Kim.

Think about how dumb
your haircut is.

Use your pain.

Gah!
Steady up the boom, Taz.

What's a boom?

It's the thing
you're holding.

I kept whispering,
"Boom" so you'd raise
it out of frame.

Oh! I thought you
were going like,

"Boom! We just got another
great cinematic moment."

Ah. What's all this?

Oh! Hey!
I thought sending you

to get donuts at the airport
would take much longer.

You're shooting movies
without me?

Kinda.

I thought we were doing
this whole deal together.

Uh. I decided to go
with a different producer.

(MUMBLING)
I have no notes.

I love everything
the kid does.

I don't get it.
You said you wanted
my support.

I do! I...I did.
I don't.

You can't give back
support.

I just did.
No!

You keep the support!

And you're gonna get
much more!

I'm gonna support you
but good!

Don't you dare say that!

Oh, you heard me!
I'm a big blanket
of support!

A big blanket!

You monster.

Fine!
Do what you want.

Also, you got some kind
of bag so I can bring
home this fruit?

You sure about this?
Oh, I'm sure.

My mom gets me banned
from Benetton?

Then I'll just bring
Benetton to me.

Uh (SCOFFS)
you can't just make
a sweater dress.

Can't I?

ADULT ADAM: She could.

My sister had access
to the biggest, loudest
sweater collection

in the greater
Philadelphia area.

She has a sweater
that celebrates the culture
of sweaters?

My mind is melting!

Hey.
This one shows promise.

Yeah, but those sleeves.
Blech.

But...

if you took these sleeves

and the bottom half
of this sparkly one,

that could totally
be a dress!

And if you took the
rhinestones from this one...

And used this fringe
and these ruffles

and these weird tiny pockets,
that would totally work!

So cute!

ADULT ADAM: And so they sewed.

They searched. They glued.

They ripped, snipped,
and glittered.

Okay. The big reveal.

Eat your heart out, Bene...
Oh, my God!

This did not work!

No, it did not!

This does not look
like Benetton!

No, it does not!

We need to cut up
more sweaters and fix it!

ADULT ADAM:
And so they did it again.

They sewed,
they cut, they tore.

They generally made a mess...

until they got it just right.

(VOICE BREAKING)
I made it worse.

You really did!

Why?

Why?

(GASPS)
My sweaters!

My glorious sweaters!

I'm realizing now this whole
thing got away from me.

Gimbels is out of business!

I can't replace them.
They're all I had.

It's not my fault!

I mean, it is.

What I did sucks,
but what you did sucks, too!

You got me Ban-itonned!

That is not a word.

And I thought that
the most important thing

was us spending time
together.

What mattered was the dress!
Not you!

Fine.

(SMACKS LIPS)

Go buy it.

Hope you feel good knowing
the real price you paid.

I think the price was her.

I know the price, Lainey!

ADULT ADAM: It had been a day
since me and my sister

tricked our parents
into supporting us.

And now my mom and dad were
farther from us than ever.

Look at her. She's not even
Parming the shrimp.

Without her Parm,
it's just plain shrimp.

Wow, you really
messed her up.

Wow, you really
messed him up.

He's wearing pants and not
touching his rocky road?

This is bad.

This is awful.

All I wanted was for my mom
to leave me alone.

All I wanted was
for my dad to be
a little more involved.

Now I've completely
pushed him away.

I know this is the last thing
you want to hear,

but you've gotta figure out
a way to make her feel good.

Just figure out a way
to get him back.

Damn it, why are you
always right?

Damn it, you're right.

'Sup?
What the...

Where'd you
come from?

Dad said Dan
took over the JTP,

and I had to stop him
at all costs.

Who's Dan?
No idea.

So I gave everyone in school
named Dan a wedgie.

Look.
Movie's done, bro.

Damn you, Stallone!

I assume he took the part
after I fell out!

Get your coat.
We're going shopping.

Nice try. I'm done being
used for my charge card.

Actually, this time
it's my treat.

The Gimbels downtown
store is having a
going-out-of-business sale.

One day only.
Everything 50% off.

Big whoop.
Sales come and go.

I also believe you've
been collecting

a lifetime of coupons,
one of which is good

for 50% off
your entire purchase.

Again, not interested.

You should also know
that I called my old
Gimbels manager

and he said he would honor
my employee discount.

Another 50% off.

That's half of half of
half off.

The shopping trifecta.

Only the luckiest yentas
ever get to see it.

I know I messed up.

But what do you say
we go do some damage?
Together.

Let's go make
some memories!

ADULT ADAM:
That day, my mom and sister

went on the shopping spree
of a lifetime.

Racks were emptied,
displays were toppled,

sweaters were replaced,
and carts were overflowing.

Go, go, go!

Housewares up ahead!
I'm on it!

� All I need is a miracle �

(MUSIC CUTS OUT)
The reason
he's cheating on you

is 'cause your house
is so filthy.
Right?

This is my mom's!
All of these are!

This is the proudest moment
of my life.

ADULT ADAM: And if Gimbels
wasn't going out of
business before,

they sure would have
after my mom and sister
were done there.

Yes!

(LAUGHING)
We did it!
We did it!

Hey, can we talk?

No talk.
I'm fine.

Well, then just sit
in your chair.

I've never said no to that.

I wanna show you
something.

ADULT ADAM: That something
was my very first
big-budget movie.

And I anxiously awaited
the first review.

� All I need is a miracle

� All I need is you

Wow. Your movie turned out
really good.

Our movie.

See you ladle.

(THUD)

Hey, you kept in
my one-liners.

Yeah. You're a pretty good
producer after all.

� All I need is you

Even though
I kind of fired you,

it was really awesome
having your support.

(SIGHS)

You know I'm not
the kind of dad

who cheers and screams
from the sidelines.

But it's really important
for you to know

that I'll always be rooting
for you.

Always.

� I'm gonna love you
for the rest of your life �

ADULT ADAM: That day,
my mom got her
picture-perfect ending.

Just not in the way
she thought.

'Cause in the end,

it's not about the costumes
or the music,

or the explosions,
for that matter.

It's the characters.

And in our house, you never
had to look too far...

I don't know
how you did that.

...to find the perfect cast.

(SCREAMING)

See you ladle!

My dad has a seriously
freaky talent

of making action-movie
zingers. Watch.

Hey, Dad.
What would Arnold say

if he threw a guy off a cliff?

"My favorite season is fall."
"You've been grounded."

"It's a bird, it's a plane,
it's a dead guy."

"Surprise!
Hope you weren't thrown."

What would Arnold say
to a guy he just fed
to a lion?

"Pleased to eat you."
"This won't hurt,
or am I lyin'?"

"Show some pride."
What would Arnold say

if he just ripped
a guy's heart out?

"You're under cardiac arrest."

"Be my Valentine."

"Don't be so heartless."

He could be
an action star.

Bevy! I need
your strong fingers!

Or maybe not.