Original subtitles

In the magistrate's court, pizza chef Bobo Gigliotti was today sentenced to 15

years jail for assaulting a health inspector with a chainsaw in this

pizza shop.

Gigliotti is also suspected in the disappearance of an employee. Paul

Falzoni disappeared on the 21st of November and the investigation is

As a condition of your parole, you must not touch a chainsaw.

If you do, you'll go straight back to jail.

Oh, Bobo, it's been 15 long years for your mama.

I lost my big car.

I lost the shop.

I lost everything.

You're looking at the dirty, disgusting,

pornographic photos.

Mama. Stand up.

You need to go back to work.

Madonna, these rents are too high.

on the internet and that we find something cheaper.

I drive a Holden. It's a Calais. It's got leather seats and a driver, but I

up in an area like this.

What, you faggot? The problem with areas like these is we need harsher penalties

to deal with the lawlessness that happens in these low -income areas.

Bully!

Do I know you, poof?

Wait, who do you reckon that fucker is?

Just have a look on them dickhead heads.

They're from authority.

Perhaps we can ask one of the locals if they've been a victim of crime. Excuse

me, sir. This area has one of the highest crime rates in the state.

Have you ever been a victim of crime?

No. But you're gonna be, man!

This is a classy area.

Let's go take a look at the shop.

This is the best part of the day.

I'm fucking gonna do it again!

That's your three -year lease.

This is a really great find.

Sunnyvale.

It's such a beautiful area.

Well, you fat pooch.

That big gronk looks like my dealer.

Who's a fat bitch?

Happy for business next week.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm with Sunnyvale Council.

Have you paid the license fee to play that music?

No. Oh.

Well... I'm just going to have to confiscate this then.

You'll need to fill out this form.

Hey!

What's wrong with the TV?

You can't have a miniature television like this. Many residents of Sunnyvale

visually impaired.

Here's a form with all the acceptable television sizes.

Fat pizza, what? Fat pizza. Nice and cheesy.

Fat pizza, what? Fat pizza. It goes in the mouth easy.

Fat pizza, what? Fat pizza. Can you taste it?

Put it in your mouth.

It's big and cheesy.

Big and cheesy.

Right.

This has been a preliminary inspection. Here is a list of issues that need to be

addressed before you can trade.

Council rules, I'm afraid.

Why didn't you do something?

Now we've got to fix all of these things.

We don't have any cheaper workers.

How are we going to make the money?

I know where to get staff.

Who wants a job?

Who can drive?

That's yours.

Can you ride that?

I'm gonna steal that old slut's handbag and we can get on it. Amen.

Fat pizza pizzas.

They're being in there cheesy.

Oh, yeah, g'day, mate.

Look, I just wanted to order the Aussie special. Has that got ham and pineapple?

No. Only ham.

You're fucking kidding, aren't you? Oi, Beryl!

There's no fucking pineapple on this Aussie pizza. Do you still want it? Of

course I want it. Where's Darren?

This stupid fucktard pissed off...

Do you want to order a pizza?

Yeah, mate.

Just give us the large Aussie special.

Get some garlic bread for Reg, too.

And a fucking garlic bread. What's the address?

21 Rand Street.

Funny, right?

Fucking idiot.

Fat birds of pizzas. They're big in here, cheesy.

Do you used to have halal pizza?

No. They haven't got hello.

Just give us a margarita, no pork, all right? We don't do

margaritas. Fat pizza, fat pizza,

fat pizza, I want a pizza.

You sit, not squat.

You sit.

Stop bludging. Get back to work.

In breaking news, a man who has been missing for 15 years has been found

escaping from a secret cellar underneath a pet food warehouse.

Authorities believe he was being kept as a sex slave by Miranda Doyle, the owner

of the business.

The man was kidnapped in 1999 while delivering a pizza.

Paul Falzoni, formerly of Hashfield, escaped by digging a hole using this sex

toy, using it as a makeshift shovel.

Everything's changed, man.

I don't know what a Facebook is.

You remember Paulie, don't you, Mama?

Hmm. He was a strong dog.

I like the new one.

They're not talking much.

Fucking took you long enough. I can't bet you're not fucking cold either.

You think you can use illegal workers to avoid paying Aussie wages, did you?

Here's your fine.

Use local labour from now on.

No, Bo.

There's no benefit for a worn uterus. It's not on our table of disabilities.

Well, that's just dumb, isn't it? I mean, my ex -dada, he fucking got money

you for fucking penile dysfunction.

Don't you think if he can get money for that, I can get some money for me

fucking bashed -in uterus? I mean, feed ink and more if they just pushed out

some fucking massive heads, mate. Even one the size of your fucking thing. Me

first kid was 13 fucking kilos.

Would you like to answer that? No, I...

I needed to speak with you.

Here, well, you can fuck off, Mrs. Flinstein, because this is my fucking

appointment. I'm sorry, Miss Jones.

Our appointment has ended.

Fucking knife -edge money and a shitty -ass fucking defector. This is fucked.

Ciao, Renzo. My cute nephew.

I brought you your favorite pizza.

Mmm.

I need you to do something.

What do I have to do?

Excuse me.

Yes?

What's this?

It's an idea for a new work -for -the -doll scheme.

That's a bloody good proposal, Renzo.

Did you think of this?

Yes.

Clever prick.

So, Renzo, the Centrelink gives us the money to pay the workers' wages, huh?

Yes. It's all subsidized.

Basically, we pay you. They like the idea so much, they want to do it across

whole state.

That was good.

Anyone want a bourbon?

Have you got a bong? The bong's gone.

Remember that random from last week in the freezer?

She used it as a dildo and I don't know where it went.

Yeah, let's fix this while I watch TV.

Police are looking for information about two men who robbed a service station in

Sunnyvale North.

As you can see from the CCTV footage, the cash register became stuck to

one of the robber's arms.

Any information should be forwarded to Crimestoppers.

I recognise them big fluffy cheeks. That's them, mate.

And the hunt for the man who viciously assaulted Premier Campbell Abbott.

Hey, girl!

Girl, come out! I'm on the TV!

Today, Mr Rabbit announced he's rushing new emergency laws through the state

parliament. I'm creating a new task force targeting louts who use footwear

weapons. Also, I'm amending my anti -bikie laws to include anti -thonging

legislation.

Use one.

I just want to thank you for following that dickhead Premier.

The fucking goose that brought in the fucking anti -biking laws, mate. Yeah,

okay, whatever.

Just got you a couple of gifts, all right? A gift?

We would have got you a Harley, but they fucking pegged.

They fucking took everything we had.

It's gone.

All of our shit is gone.

They took our bike.

Rip it off, Rich. Oh, I've been wanting to do this for years.

They're closing the fucking club out.

Put all that stuff in the back of the truck. Except for the good shit, put

in the back of our car.

They even took the alcohol!

Look at this miniature piece of shit. It needs to be destroyed.

Stupid fucking pig!

Let's fuck off, guys. The moon is running.

This helmet will be mad on a threesome.

Hey, chicks, here comes Darth Frankie.

Hey, where are we going, fuck it?

Sunnyvale pub, mate.

You bikies, fuck it, eh? Eh? Where's your bikes?

Government take your bike, you stupid fuck it, eh? That's why I love Liberal

Party, because they hate you bikies, fuck it. Labour poofed us, eh? Tony

number one, mate.

Joe Hawkey, too. He okay.

He okay. He stupid fucking, but he okay. Mate, just shut the fuck up and drive.

I'm not scared of you, mate.

I'm half Serbian, half Croatian. I wake up in the morning, I want to kill

myself.

Frankie, king of the universe.

Frankie Bruce, why aren't you down here at the pizza shop? Why would I be down

at the pizza shop? Didn't you get that letter from Sinaloa?

Bruce, you better get your ass down here.

They want us all to do fucking interviews.

They expect us to work for the fucking dung now.

I'll come down as soon as I finish striking the empire from the back. All

here we go. Let's go.

Everybody shut up.

Everyone's got to fill in a form.

Then do a drug test.

You got it?

The rest of you get out of the shop.

But come back and buy the peach.

You, you're in the kitchen.

Hey, hey, hey.

Why are you laughing?

Here.

Where do I hear you from?

Baba, it's Habib. Allah, I used to work for you. I'm a god for ages.

Habib.

Yeah, I remember.

You're a braja.

Don't worry, Lach. Don't worry about it. Relax.

What the fuck's wrong with you, Habib?

You're going back to pizzas and working for this tired -ass gronk.

Listen, you lads. Lach, I'm the smartest, the brains of the assassins.

right, huh? Am I right? Now, Lach, who is always fucking around with our

business? The bike is, true.

This, Lach, is the perfect cover.

We're going to move, Lach, drugs and shit in the pizza boxes.

Lach, nobody will know a thing.

Oh my God, this is sick.

Rocky, just like the good old days.

You're so smart, Habib.

I know this.

Yeah, but Habib, how did you pass the drug test, bro?

Tula, tula, tula, tula.

Oh my God.

I swear, look, I tricked the sampler.

All right, here we go.

He's texting me now.

Marine food.

And the vodka, if you want these.

I've had them, as if I'm going to bring vodka.

Fuck, what's that thing you write to tell them to get fucked? Is it L -M -F

-O or Y -O -L -O? I think to get fucked is L -M -F -A -O.

L -M -F -A -O.

Fucking hell, Mark!

The pothole's in this fucking area. What the fuck happened to him?

I was on my phone.

I need a fucking doctor!

I'm going to go out on my tits on that.

Fucking help me!

Jesus. I'd love to motorboat her.

Hey, you fucking dog!

Oh, I wouldn't mind one of the furry little box, though.

The magical furry cup from where the fairies stop.

I just fucking did that!

What's wrong with that button? Fuck, is that the time?

Yeah. Shit, man, we've got to get back to the station for that task force

meeting. Oh, that's right.

Are you fucking serious?

I want to do Snatch Chat.

What's the abbreviation of send a picture of pussy?

I think it's rotten.

Um, R -O -L -M.

Ho, ho, ho!

Hey, what's your fucking problem, cockhead? You nearly ran over me and me

it. And what about the fucking beer wanker? Oh, fuck, wanker. Get out of the

way, dickhead.

Give us that fucking bottle, baby. Fuck!

I wanted a job anyway.

Frankie, do you want to buy a laser pointer, bro?

It's industrial strength.

Let me look on it.

I could use this. Want to trade the car for this?

It's a deal, bro.

Fucking plane drivers, huh?

You can go to hell.

Just like that.

You can go to hell.

Yeah, man, here you go.

You've not seen the cops, have you? No, I haven't, but fuck the shit cops,

because they got me pissed off. They're chasing you all day in your little flip

-flops, and I don't know where the shit's wrong. So you want to hear some

-hop? I'm up here, and I'm freezing, and I'm shaking, and you're asking me if

I've seen any bakers.

You're up for imprisonment. You should put that on YouTube, man.

See?

Did you blow in it?

It is me.

Frankie, it's Dazza. That fucking slut Shazza's not picking up. So can you let

her know I'm on the run, matey? And I won't be back for a while.

You'll tell her. But, hey, I saw you on TV, didn't I?

It was your crack, wasn't it, man?

You're all going to be famous like Ned Kelly.

Hey, remember me Uncle Doug?

Oh, the one who looks like a serial killer, yeah?

Yeah, it was me and him.

Give me a fucking great score once I get this register off me arm. You fucking

useless dick, you fucking...

I'd like to welcome all the officers that are joining the Premier's new task

force. On immediately after the briefing, folks, there's sandwiches and

chips up in the back corner, okay?

Thanks very much for that, Richard.

For those of you who don't know who we're talking about here, Frankie Gianni

Falzoni.

And if you check his case file, you'll notice he has warrants for numerous

assaults. And he recently covered a whole fire...

in graffiti.

And a word of warning.

He's been using this.

What's this?

Oh, did you see that, man? What happened?

I fucking don't know. What hit me? That's what you call a fongering.

What's this one?

Oh, this happened.

On the weekend, okay?

Falzone broke in to our police station in Sunnyvale and stole one of our police

horses. Then he sold the horse to a pack of islanders. Look, frankly, it was a

run out of money, so he gave us a horse for the child of the support.

Who decided to have a barbecue.

It tastes like chicken!

And I'll remind you that this guy is a fucking master.

of escape and evasion. Now, Team Crossbow will be observing Sunnyvale

Team Eagle will be observing the Sunnyvale Park.

Myself, Gary, and Team Hedgehog will be under deep cover near Falzani's

residence. You see anything?

Oh, shit.

A chick.

Oh. Oh, my God, she's fat.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with being fat, but she's abusing the privilege.

She makes you look thin.

Someone's coming. Get down, quick. Get down. Get rid of the camera. Get rid of

the camera.

You got any ice, brah? Any shard?

No, man.

Really sorry, but we're closed.

So fuck off.

Well, that's false advertising, cunt. I fucking know that cunt, eh? I know that

cunt.

Them undercovers, they stand out like dog's balls, don't they? You get the D.

You get the D.

You want it, you got it. I'll come around and you get to a D.

You get the D.

You get the D.

You want it, you got it. I'll come around and you get to a D.

You get the D. I hope you listen.

a new pizza shop.

We should go there after our shift. What the fuck, Sandy? Can you think of

nothing but fucking food?

Well, those skinny little junkies made me hungry, didn't they?

What's this?

Two, four, six.

Small, medium, large.

Is something wrong on my brain? Or is there another one of you's now?

Oh, this is me, mate, Cindy.

She come round because she was bored.

Guess I always welcome you in my housing commission house.

Okay, Bobo, I'm going to go home. I'll be back later. Ciao.

Stop that.

Clean the oven.

Up here.

Fat pizza, fat, fat pizza.

Fat pizza, I want a pizza.

Fat pizza, fat, fat pizza. Fat pizza, I need energy.

Frankie.

Habib.

Oh, my God, Paulie. I haven't locked Sydney for years, bro.

Paulie?

Fat pizza pizzas.

They're big and they're cheesy.

Man, hey, send over the biggest pizza you got, mate. You want a bobo special?

Man, I don't even care. Just put, like, lots of meat in it, cos we're starving.

Stop it.

This chick just had her first blossom, mate.

Backwash on a chick?

Oh, grub.

Oh my God, are you for serious?

How did that shit happen?

Man, it should have been a normal pizza delivery.

This sexy chick, she's lured me to the back of this, like, pet warehouse place,

man. She said she needed a hand with the bag, so I helped her.

Then she says to me... Do you like subwoofers?

I love subwoofers.

Then she says, the subwoofers are down at the bottom of this basement here.

Um,

chick, where's the subwoofers?

Then I wake up.

And I'm tied on this cheeky bondage bed, man.

Hey!

Look, I'm ethnic.

We don't play these cheeky games.

Shut up, bitch. Shut up, bitch.

15 years, it was nothing but a sick game, man.

But the worst thing was, there was no sex.

I've got to buy these blue balls, puppy.

I was lucky, bud, because the cop has kept the valiant in good condition.

Anyway, I heard Bobo had a new shop, so I thought, you know, I'd better come,

like, return the old clothes to him.

What's with, like, the blinking you look? Mate, I'm not used to the

I was in, like, a silence of the lamb hole for ages, mate.

Here, there, like, take these. For free, like, no charge.

I swear to God, I feel sorry for you. No pushing for 15 years. Oh, my God.

Paulie, what are you doing here?

Well, I just came to return these clothes, man.

Um, what's with your little tattoos?

Shut up!

You want a job?

Can I think about it?

Get dressed and get to work.

Fat pizza, fat pizza, fat pizza.

Fat pizza, I want a pizza.

Fat pizza, fat pizza, fat pizza.

Fat pizza, I ain't eatin' it either.

Hey Bobo, how come you didn't ask me what

happened like on that last delivery 15 years ago?

Not paying you five bucks an hour to tell stories, Paulie.

You're getting slow in your old age, Bobo.

Hey, one minute. Five bucks an hour.

Wages went up. Fat pizza, fat pizza, fat pizza.

Fat pizza, I want a pizza.

Fat pizza, fat pizza,

fat pizza. Fat pizza, I want a pizza.

Fat pizza, fat pizza, fat pizza.

Fat pizza, I want a pizza.

Frankie, mate, is that you? You want to buy some pingas? I think you've got me

confused with the wrong person, man.

Fuck, mate. I know this guy looks exactly like her. His name's Frankie.

I do have a cousin that's got that name, but I've not seen him in years.

Yeah, look, cool story, man. Do you want to buy some fingers or not?

Um, I don't do drugs, so can you just wheel off, please?

Yeah, fucking whatever, skirt.

Smooth, mate.

I'm out.

Get some music on.

The old hits for 92.

That's a good cassette.

Where

is

this pizza?

It'll take it forever.

Melvin organized crime.

No more. Like, we need numbers. Numbers, you hear?

Habibi has, like, got a fully sick idea.

We're going to be like the United Nations of all gangs, but not for peace,

violence. We're going to hook up, like, with the Asian Tigers from Sunnyvale

South.

The Island Kings from Sunnyvale North.

And the African Repos from Sunnyvale West.

And we'll invite our cousins, but not the dickheads.

All my ethnic brothers and cousins, I know we're all sick and tired of those

stupid bikies.

Flexing on us. Enough, you little... From today, we're taking back Sunnyvale.

No one is gonna fuck with the Sunnyvale International Brotherhood!

Yeah!

Oh, there's the street.

I screened being good luck in this area.

Hey, was that him?

in the future delivery car. All teams, we have a visual on our targets.

You got the little fuck.

Okay, make his rehabilitation as unpleasant as possible.

Put him in with a big Maori.

No, no.

Put him in with a Tongan.

Yeah.

Let's have a talk, pussy.

You wouldn't be interested in history, would you?

Because that could be a good topic to talk about.

That's really interesting.

Tell me more.

Well, you see, what happened was, after my grandfather had that road rage with

Hitler, he's joined the army, because he wanted to become a sniper and go back

after that stooge.

News from the front.

Alfredo Falverde, faulty citizen of the British Empire, single -handedly killed

five German battalions, six planes, ten tanks, and almost killed Hitler. The

first attempt on Adolf Hitler...

I made from in the bushes when he was walking. The secret photography shows

Alfredo coming within a hair's breadth of eliminating his foremonger and

party pooper. But I missed him within a bee's dick. The second attempt, he was

eating some cakes on the balcony, and I took the shot, but I got the cake,

missed the dictator.

Bloody unlucky.

It's good to see the wogs are having a go.

So that's the story of my grandfather, huh?

Fascinating. Now get your clothes off.

I don't know what happened, Mama.

Paulie's been arrested and there isn't much business. How many pizzas did you

make, huh?

Two in six hours.

Strong, though. You can't do nothing right.

Come on.

Reg, get that bit off your head.

Is that them?

That's the guy that threw me out of my heart.

That's the guy that told me to do it. Get out of my shop.

You're going to fuck him, mate. He's your fucking wanker.

Hey!

What's going on in here?

You monkey's got a fucking problem. You boys know you can't wear bikey patches

in a licensed premises.

Gary, call the task force.

Hey, pizza boy!

Is this a licensed premises?

No. Sorry.

We gotta go.

Constable?

Those dickheads give you any more trouble, let us know.

Where are you going, you bitch?

Fuck you, fucking.

Fuck you, you stupid fucking.

I go back to Melbourne, my beautiful Melbourne, my Westgate Bridge fucking.

Beautiful.

Well, what do you get there, Bridge?

I don't know.

Oh, mate, you couldn't make a pizza with chips on it, could you?

What?

Yes, Renzo?

Um, I have a new idea for another initiative.

This is actually a great idea, Renzo. Give the pricks pizza instead of all

free money.

What's been hailed as a breakthrough in social security... The state's worst

bludgers will now only receive a quarter of their pension in cash.

The rest they'll get as food vouchers, which they can use at local businesses.

What do you think about these changes to your pension? What do you reckon, mate?

They're giving us bloody pizzas instead of our pension.

An Australian giving us that kind of warg food.

Well, at least I don't have to f***ing cook.

You don't f***ing cook anyway. I f***ing cook.

You don't f***ing cook. I f***ing cook, Mum.

Hey, there's a car over there.

Come and have a look at this car.

Look at that.

Voucher that much?

Yeah, it's a f***ing dog act, brah. Like, I can't even get a f***ing pinger

one of them f***ing vouchers, lad.

Am I on the TV?

Yes, you will be, yes. Oh, I'm famous.

I'm a sexual predator.

Look, I fully support this scheme. Now these recalcitrant hounds won't be

wasting government money on cigarettes and alcohol and drugs.

Si, Bobo.

Your mama fixes everything.

So generally you're going to pay out to my purses.

That's right.

and we're going to make lots and lots and lots and lots of money.

I hope you kids like fucking pizza.

Where's Reg?

He hasn't brought me any cheese and denim sandwich yet.

I told you, he's working at that fucking pizza shop.

I mean, fair dinkum that fucking place has been screwing everyone over since it

got open.

I want to do something about it.

After I finish this fucking can.

Fucking Peter, kill me. Shut up.

We got the numbers now, you grumps. So don't get

fucking smart or we'll smash you.

Oh, my God. Look, our gang's going to earn with you. We can match you. There,

get him. Go get him. Come on. Come on.

I think we'll find this for another day, boys.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Can you watch the kids? Yeah, good till I finish this, mate.

Here, get out of there.

Fat pizza, get them, now they're big and cheesy.

Ham and pineapple, meat, loveless, extra greasy.

Thick crust or thin and crispy pepperoni. Hey, hey, you there.

Look, you want something special?

I'll pick you up on check day.

Hey, look, today is check day.

Bro, what's up? Habib reckons some bogan slut is trying to shut the pizza shop

down.

to see what's on the front, because it's on the TV. I've got the cameras, see?

And I can also switch to normal TV, just like that. See? Front, normal TV.

Front, normal TV.

Oh, sweetheart.

I want to be the number one bargain in Australia.

Hey, who's the man with the hard nipples?

I've got no idea, man. But all these topless chicks are coming in my house

days. It's permanent tits out Tuesday.

Oh, there's a date.

After success in Sunnyvale, the Premier has lobbied the federal government to

adopt a nationwide food voucher scheme for people on social security.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of these bludgers. And if we don't cut welfare,

never going to balance our nation's budget.

What is this they're talking of, man?

Don't you read this shit they send you from Centrelink first? Hey, I don't do

letters, man, alright?

Because it's always something to do with a kid that I didn't know that I had.

I've got these strong sperms, mate.

Tried to ring the missus back. Think she answers?

No. I wonder what she's up to.

This will teach him a lesson for not answering his fucking phone.

Yes, see, yes.

Oh, yes, yes.

Back to the main headline of the hour, and in an embarrassing gaffe of the

government, the suspect arrested for assaulting the Premier with a thong has

been released after police discovered they had the wrong man.

Hey, that fella looks like you.

That must be my cousin Paulie they said when we were kids we looked the same.

There's going to be a big court case of false arrestment against them cops and

nothing happened like in there that was like gay with big black guys. No, mate,

didn't happen. Look, I think any criticism of police is unfair.

Many non -Anglo Australians look pretty similar.

Fucking block number now.

Answer it, bro. Might be some pussy.

You're right, man.

Hello?

I can't hear you. There's a bad reception on in here. I've got to go

Hello? If you can hear me, I've just got to go on a better spot.

Hold on.

I've got bars.

Can you hear me now?

Frankie, it's Chappelle.

You owe me child support money.

Chappelle, are you fucking serious?

I need to visit my boyfriend.

A cop is chasing me, an ex -de facto.

I'm pissing off for a while.

Where'd you get that from?

Man, I knocked this off when the hunters got raided.

Since the cops took all their stuff, they don't even know that I took it.

That's a steal.

I'm going to hide at my brother Dino's in Melbourne.

See you later.

Hey, got any piss in the fridge?

Enjoy the month.

Yeah, keep it down, Jono.

Mum's about to lose her shit.

Boys, I won't let you stay here if you make so much fucking noise.

Nah, Mum, it wasn't me or the other boys.

It was Jono, your favourite.

I can't believe this shit.

People know who we are. We're the fucking Hunters. Now listen, we've got

fucking cab fare. We've got no bikes.

Now chill the fuck out and finish the mole before it's all gone.

You're all fucking sons of... How am I supposed to bong on with all that

noise going on? Sorry, Mrs. Anderson.

the seven dwarfs. That's sleepy.

Turn down that music. Relax, Bobo. I just got out of jail. Come check this

mate. Quick.

Look at this.

No, I wouldn't do it. The cops gave me this massive subwoofer from the impound

feet. How good is it?

Hey, Habib, are you still married to Tula?

She died, you learn.

It's a sad story.

It was my birthday, and Tula was doing a hectic belly dance for me. I was loving

her. Oh, my God.

But she slipped on a donut.

Oh, my God. Look out!

Then she got, like, fully tangled in the curtain.

Then she, like, blubber stumbled.

Over the balcony.

Oh, my God. She was, like, really hot. Her fat

actually gave me a fat.

Hey, Frankie.

Do you want to come over to my place later on? I got me some bourbon and I

me some green.

Oh, my God. I think it's time for you to take advantage of looking like your

cousin. But wear protection.

Why don't you shave your mole off? You look real gay.

make some question for you what i really like the pizza it's a juicy one yeah

mate that wasn't a fucking question because i like it oh yeah it's better

them pies from those fucking indians at the servo it's a good pizza it's a juicy

pizza

Won't they burn the pizza?

Hey, dickheads!

Listen here!

The fuck do you want? No one, I mean no one, is burning down the shop, all

right? You want to fuck with fat pizza? You fuck with the Sunnyvale

International Brotherhood!

I've never fucked with any of them, Ted.

Especially him.

Back in 98, rapid stream, fill papers with my grimy mates. 57 Sunnybank,

Dillifoam, I thank you now to shut the hell up and let me keep my passion. It's

a dead -end street around here. You best move along, drunk takers got the wrong

idea. Hold it, chief, take a seat, I've been here all year. Make the beast rise

within him when we raise our beer.

We're coming down to that dead -end street where we get choked in a light.

What's this?

Frankie, man. How could you bang this stooge?

What the fuck, Sippy? You're twins.

Cousins. Frankie, get out of here, man. This is the first sex I've had in 15

years. Yeah, well, you know what? Shut up, you grass cutter, or I'll phone the

fuck out of you. Yeah?

Well, bring it on, man.

Because I used to be a champion boxer. I can't believe you'd bang a pizza guy. I

mean, fuck, does it get any lower than that? He's got a bigger cock than you,

Frankie. Who is the stooge now?

Is the old man in there?

Special happened while I was gone, man. Oh, yeah.

I had my first threesome with Vanessa and her cousin from New Zealand. It was

choice, bro.

What the fuck?

What are you doing with your cousin?

Oh, fuck off, Mum.

I was just about to swear.

How was Melbourne, bro? You know what, man?

I've said it before and I will say it again.

I hate Melbourne, mate. It's shit, you know?

Why do they have hook tents?

What? You go left to go right?

How does that even make sense?

Hey!

Man, what a hook turn he's a dumb bastard!

What?

Hook turn!

Learn him! Piss off, you bogan!

And get this. A copper pulled me over. He says the new law is that you ride in

motorbike, you have to wear a dickhead fluoro vest.

I'm not wearing a dickhead fluoro vest.

Park the bike, man. I was catching cabs from them.

Where are you from, mate? I'm from Sunnyvale.

Heard of it?

Sunnyvale?

This is crazy people, fucking.

Hey, Sunnyvale's not the Gold Coast, mate, but, you know, it's better than

Melbourne. Oh, you from Sunnyvale, mate. You know nothing, fucking. Your

accent's that thick, mate. You need subtitles from SBS.

Hey, man, I got stuck with this cab driver, man.

He was the loggiest cab driver I've ever seen.

You need Vladimir Putin in this country. I don't know what you're talking on,

man. Mate, you take Putin and Tony Abbott and you go to Sunnyvale, come

clean it all up. Just like Ukraine, mate. Come...

And boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. No more Sunnyvale fucking. And he was

one of them cab drivers that don't stop talking. You know them ones?

Oh, yeah.

These hipsters now, they don't want taxi no more, the fucking hipster fucking,

right? They take their iPhone from their fucking ass, and they have this thing

called Goober. You know Goober? What's a Goober, man?

You press one button and no taxi, you get this fucking goober fucking.

I don't need one of them apps for taxis, mate. I just do runners.

I have no more jobs because of these hipsters and this fucking goober.

Fuck you, you fucking goober. And then he's telling me he hates hipsters.

Why? What's wrong with the female underpants?

Today I'm looking for hipsters, mate. If I see hipsters now somewhere here, I'll

fucking kill this poopster hipster fucking.

Fucking look here, hipster fucking.

Then he pulls up and he started bashing these guys with beads.

I thought it was like a September 11 thing.

I jumped in. I thought, why not?

We were getting on good until I done the runner. He wasn't happy about that.

What? Oh, you want to bring it on, do you?

Well, mate, bring all your friends.

Because I've got thongs, mate, all right? I'll fix you up, mate. You had no

chance catching me. I had my running thongs on.

Did you hook up with your bro, Bruce?

Yeah, I went to my brother's place.

Was he there? No.

Dino's out gambling.

Your friend was there, bud.

Kev, you know me. I'm not a fully intentional grass cutter.

But I tell you, if you're going to leave the cookie jars, like, open, what's

going to happen? They're going to get eaten.

He's in my position.

You blasted up me again.

I think that chick's given me another SDI to add to my collection.

Well, you know, I stopped in Canberra on the way home.

Hey, did you see the selfie that I posted of me, like, at the front of that

Parliament ticket house?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I've seen it on Instagram, Frank. I rate that in my top

brown eyes ever.

I've done a mad, like, Aussie pride, like, graph on site to play food.

Please, go straight.

I bumped into you out on the highway.

Frankie!

What are you doing out here, mate? I'm heading back to Sunnyvale, man.

Must be cold.

My balls are about the size of almond nuts.

What's them things stuck on your arms?

I just registered.

You've got a second one stuck now.

Where you been?

Living in the Ned Kelly line.

If you see Shazza, tell her she's a fucking fat slut.

He thinks he's Ned Kelly, has he?

It's a fort.

I don't know, Dad, but he's a smooch, mate.

Oh, fuck him, bro. Let's go to the bottle house.

Divertment section.

What a noob, eh?

What a bit shazza. Hey, excuse me.

What was that?

I'm going to shit your pants.

Is that like kindergarten -style fieving under the shirt?

Works every other fucking time, you dickhead.

Hold on. For serious, I got a message from Dazza and I fucking can't remember

what it was, Neil. Shit, sorry.

Fucking good on you, dickhead.

Oi, you want to know what I found out about that fucking shop?

The reason we're getting fucking food vouchers instead of the pension is

of that fucking fat knob jockey down at Centrelink. He said it all up.

What's up?

He's that fucking old bitch's nephew.

Really? How'd you find this out?

Yeah, well, me clit piercing it got all fucking infected, so I went down to

Centro to see if I could get on the disay for it, and I fucking seen it.

Anyway, what's it going to cost me to get you two fucking pricks to go down

fuck up that pizza joint?

Oh, fuck, I'll do it for her, okay?

Look, I'll just do it for free, because my stooge cousin's working there, and

he'd rather cut me on one of my cheeks.

the creation of a new task force to combat drug dealing in the infamous

Sunnyvale area.

As this is an ongoing investigation, I can't comment. But what I will say is we

are committed to stamping out the drug trade and thonging violence in

There's that fucker that looks like Falzone.

Oh, doesn't he look the same? Fucking unbelievable. They all look the same to

me, those little fuckers.

Oh, what do them cops want now?

He's looking at us. Fuck. We've been made. Naturally.

This fucking camera's so big.

Here we go.

Flickers, I'm coming through. Man, I'm dynamite. Your girl probably don't want

me now, but her vagina might.

Is that Fleek?

Hey, Pauly.

I've just seen Pauly Falasone. He's the one and only delivering the calisone.

Habib! Fleek!

Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

Oh, there's our fucking boy.

That's him.

They never look like they do in the fucking movies, eh?

You wouldn't dream he was a fucking cartel leader.

Eh? We have a visual on the cartel leader.

Habib, hello?

Over. Will you leave the fucking ice cream alone for fuck's sake? We've got

something happening here. I didn't have any breakfast this morning, Gary. I've

got to eat. I can't believe this, man. You better believe it. How are you,

It's the return of Sleep the Elite.

Oh, yeah.

We thought like you were dead.

Where you been, you lad?

Shut up, Leb!

Hey, Beach Boys, he's not Lebanese. Shut up! Watch out! Don't fucking move!

I'll put a bullet in your head, you Leb -o piece of shit!

You clever little fucking penis, eh?

What are you talking about?

Moving drugs in a fucking pizza box.

I'm going to speak to my barista. Check the box.

Shit.

Who owns the other box?

That one's my one.

Good. Well, you can fucking open it for us, can't you? Move.

Get the fuck out.

You're taking the pressure off me.

Empty.

You know what we should do?

Come back tonight, then we'll flex on the shop, man.

I just had a mad idea on my brain.

Sully? Yeah, Bobo. I'm back. What happened to you anyway?

Look, didn't you go to Lebanon for a holiday or something?

Abib, don't you remember?

I went to America, man, to kick off my rap career.

What happened?

Mate, the day I got there was September the 4th, 2001.

I'm not wrong.

Man, they thought I was a terrorist.

And they locked me up in that Condonimo Bay, man.

They fully interrogated me, bro. Are you a terrorist with Al -Qaeda?

Nah, man, I'm Slick D -Elite, Australia's best rapper.

Listen. Next time, sit and dance instead of shitting your pants. When I rap, you

have to glance. Son of a bitch, you're speaking Arabic.

They don't stick torture in on me.

I can't swim.

They play Tumper music, Habib, 24 -7, bro.

That was the worst thing ever.

Yeah, they deported me back here to Australia three days ago.

Oh, my God.

Want a job?

It's not still three bucks an hour, is it? No, $4 .50.

That's fully thick, okay.

Hey, Habib,

can I have some bread?

Just a bit. Shh, look, time to change your hair. Look, there's no more

Yalla. Bobo got locked up and the stock got rubbed. Now they're in a suburb

where pizza's getting songed up. Music playing loud when the pizza's delivered.

Dirty kind of pizza with a piece of the liver.

Rapping as you drive and you're dropping off pizza.

They'll probably drop it off and run off with your sneakers.

and cops not welcome, others may come.

Kevin, why are you picking up your fucking phone?

One of the keys burned down the servo.

Fucking what happened to you two fucking up that pizza joint? I didn't fucking

pay you with a case of beer so you could sit around and fucking drink it.

Oh, shit.

You know that thing where you forget one thing? Well, that's the thing that I

forgot.

Look,

let's go finish this thing off, chicks.

Make yourself on home.

There's goon in the fridge, I think, and some gang left them puilty last week. I

don't know what they do.

Let's go, man.

Just, hey, take anything, but don't touch my lube. I need that.

You're a fucking sick guy, mate.

You were caught with two kilos of cocaine.

Do you know what that means in cops and robbers language?

You're fucked.

No, no, no, hey, hey, please.

Look, this thing was not in my, like, hot bag at all. There's been a

like, you know, I've been scourged.

Oh, that's too bad.

You've got two choices, my little ethnic friend. You can either bend over

backwards to help us, or you'll be bent over your bunk in jail.

Or you can have all the charges dropped.

How do I do that?

By working with us.

As an influence.

We want all the libos and that fucking cousin of yours, the bomb slapper.

Okay, now, when there's a gap and they're not looking, we're going to zip

side and we'll go up the ladder and we'll fucking burn it, mate.

Fuck! I'm busting for a poop!

Mate, hold it!

We're doing a stealth mission, man.

All

right.

I've got a light at the work.

Pink? Yep.

The fuel?

The roof, the roof, the roof will be on fire.

Hurry up, Frankie, I'm fucking busting, bro.

Just hold it, will you?

Put them undies on, mate.

I've got a J -string on.

Did you hear something?

Shut up!

Thanks for opening your piggy bank for me, mate.

Oh, my God.

Boys, boys, boys, look who's back.

Sure, bro. Still delivering pizzas after 15 years.

What a joe.

Just till my rap career takes off, man.

Oh, yeah? What are you rapping?

Kebabs?

Fuck it easy.

Fuck it easy.

Yalla, let's go, man. I've got cash.

Oi, Frankie, did you burn the can down or what?

Um, well, nearly, but nah. But fuck, you know, I'm going to have a bourbon and

then... Mad ideas are going to come on my brain. You are fucking kidding.

Don't put authority on me, Shazza.

Want some of this, Kevin?

Fucking phew.

Hey, don't touch the arts, man. Go use my bed.

Oi,

where's them pills you said you had?

They're dead.

supposed to take a half, Shaz?

Gonna be off chops. Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, shit!

Kev! Kev! Kev! I've got an idea! It's come up on break!

Hey, Shaz, I'm gonna take the car, okay?

Hey,

Bobo, what's with your mate, that retarded bloke, bro?

Reg, what are you doing?

In breaking news, the Premier's new... anti -bikey and anti -thonging laws have

been overturned in the High Court.

Hundreds of jailed bikeys have been instantly released from prison.

Hey, hubby, what's up?

Hey, look, did you hear on the news, like, there's something about biking

or something? Oh, my God, like, what's going on? What's going on? Bro, we're

toughest gang ever.

Those bikey dickheads can't do shit to us, mate.

Take it easy.

I'm from Guantanamo, and I was just wondering if I could get my pay cut. No!

Bit early.

You got treated better in prison, Sleepy.

We have to like just get out of here because we've got like stuff to do,

Frankie, bring me some goon, will ya?

Goon?

Bourbon.

Alright,

did you fill it with fuel? Here Frank, E10.

Good man.

What's going to happen?

This is going to launch straight up and over, see? And bomb it on top. It's

called the keg bomb, man. The Russians used this like in Ukrainus.

Mean, very mean.

Mate, it's going to blow the fuck out of Fat Pizza, mate.

What the

fuck was that? A terrorist attack.

Then fucking get out of here!

Was that the mobile tower?

Yeah, bro.

Oh, shit!

Now,

that's your microphone

right there, okay?

This, that's a camera.

Now, we need to see... Listen!

We need to see the levo.

placing the drugs into the pizza box. You understand?

Gaz, what the fuck? We didn't just blow up the mobile phone tower.

There's no reception in Sunnyvale. You're shitting me. No.

Now I'm going to check my fucking tweets.

Gaz, how are we going to order takeaway dinner?

What the fuck are you doing?

What is it, Quint?

If he wasn't retarded, I'd smash him for living on the block and having a

fucking job.

You all I know is he's a sellout fucking moron.

Crazy shop. The bastard.

phone we can hear you okay can you see me is that working now listen when you

see your mate habib with the narcotics we'll send in a response team okay okay

well i'm just gonna hide the walkie talkie in the car so when i'm walking in

don't talk or do the noise because they'll know what's going on all right

the fuck are you doing my blood glucose levels down

What is it? What is it?

Habib, the bikies are coming now.

And there's heaps of them.

Oh, my God.

Everybody like to get down here quickly. Hurry, hurry, yalla. I can't. The

phone's all fucked. I can't call anyone.

Go get everyone. All the brotherhood. Everyone, yalla, run. Come on, go.

Don't stop.

I thieved it off the bikies.

Well, what about Tevin's car?

Don't you remember what we done on that car last night?

No.

Oh, fuck!

We're on the same angle as his 50!

Oh, shit, we're on fire! Oh, fuck, I've got to have a drink.

Man, I was surprised that, like, flannel had burned that quick.

Maybe I should give her a drink in the switch.

Nah, that's...

I just wanted to ask you how the drug dealing business is going, man. Is it

good? Why are you talking like a robot?

You got that prick from the council to show up and get in the fucking way.

Hey, Paulie, how'd you get out so quick, bro?

I had a really good lawyer sleep, man.

Copy, what's up?

Nothing, you lad, nothing.

Stop staring, you lad, stop staring.

I just want to know how your business is going, honey. Good morning, Mr.

Giglioni. Time for a surprise inspection.

Well,

no improvement there.

That's still shit -ass.

That's unsafe.

Let's see what we've got over here.

In my personal, I reckon it's nothing. Habib, so that's your things. That's

nothing to do with me, Paul Falzani.

And what's it do in my shop?

Mr. Gigliotti, here in Australia, only recognised food ingredients may be used

in commercial food preparation.

And why is there a chainsaw in this box?

What's that sound?

We need the major response team down here fucking now!

Nobody fucks with a hatter!

Look,

I don't know what's going on here, but if you're looking to stage some sort of

block party or social gathering, you're all going to need to fill in an

application form.

is going to come after me when there's, like, a gang thing going to happen?

I'm good as on gold.

Why aren't you getting him? Fuck off, you club of dogs! Let him patch on!

Yeah!

Hello,

Premier speaking.

It's Gary Cock here, head of Task Force Wildebeest. Sir, I'm afraid we're going

to have to make a bit of a choice here, whether we arrest that guy that...

assaulted you with a phone the other day or whether we prevent a gang war

between bikies and a multi -ethnic street gang.

I'm gonna burn down that fucking shop!

What are your orders, Mr. Premier?

Forget the bikies, forget the wogs, just go after the little fuckwit that hit me

with his thong.

Everybody, let's take...

What do you think?

vouchers as opposed to money, good idea or bad?

Good idea.

Oh, so now you're going to tell me we're not going to eat, we're not going to

shit, we're all going to piss because you're the paying for it, is it?

Fucking helping the people in that, hey, we're fucked, bro. Like, who gives you

a fucking voucher as payment, bro? No cunt, hey. You know what, you are fucked

and that's why you're getting the food rather than the cash.

How about I take your fucking camera, bro? I'll fucking take your camera and

your fucking sound card.

He just is like a rabbit. I like a rabbit.

It's like chicken.

It tastes like chicken. I like the rabbit.

I was not talking about what I think of you. I'm just saying that that's what

some people think, that you can't be trusted. Yeah, well, some people think

you're a fuckwit, eh?

I'd like to tell you, government, you go eat pizza from that shitwog joint every

day, all day. That'll go well with your red wine and your fancy fucking car.

They're big in their jersey.

They're big in their jersey.

Stupid criminals were arrested after chaining themselves to an automatic

machine. You fuckwit! I'm sorry!

I've got confused! No, you're fucked in the face, you fucking idiot!

And I really miss Dazza.

He was the best jail bitch I ever had.

Those soft lips.

The way he used to tickle my toes.

What a sweetheart.

He used to...

Suck the best cock ever.

15 McFuckin' years.

That's how long I've been waiting for that McMotherfucker.

Took your fuckin' time.

I have to fit these in between, like, deliveries, you know?

Bobo's, like, he's a hard boss, come on.

Right in the McNuggets, that's what he said to me.

I can't have children because of that mullock. I can't even have McFuckin'

My special sauce won't work anymore.

It's gone all sweet and sour.

So this is the McPlan.

We wait for that McSucker to leave the little putana McSluts out.

And that's when we do the McDrive -by.

Yeah? Yeah?

Would anyone like some fries while we're waiting for that?