Original subtitles

As usual.

At least he didn't tell us to take the bus.

If you're not ready in five minutes, you're taking the bus.

Kids, are you ready?

Almost.

I'm ready.

Richie, why did you spill grape juice all over yourself?

Because red orange juice.

Come on, let's do this. Listen, baby.

It's them,

my bell.

Wow,

you look stunning.

Why, if I were a couple years older, we, well... Oh, stop.

I got pantyhose older than you.

Where is everyone?

Getting ready for church.

Oh.

What's the matter, sugar?

Well, I guess I'm just jealous, that's all.

How come?

Well, it's just that every Sunday I watch you Winslows put -put off the

in your gremlin.

And, well, I wish I could tag along.

Doesn't your family go to church?

Oh, no. My parents' Sunday routine hasn't varied since they were juniors at

You see, we all get up at dawn and do the New York Times crossword puzzle in

ink.

Then we hop on over to the behavioral sciences lab for an hour -long soak in

sensory deprivation tank.

Well, now, Steve, you are more than welcome to come to church with us, and

can sit right next to me.

In a pew?

With you?

Will do.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear.

We are late for church!

Let's go now!

Good news, everybody.

Steve is coming with us.

Come on, Judy, change the dress.

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. The love and tradition of the grand design, some people say, is even

harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams, real love bursting out of everything.

This room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

We'll be right back.

usually shout out amen or hallelujah.

Oh, thanks for telling me I was just about to start the wave.

My, my, my.

The walls of this old church are vibrating with good music today.

Carry on. Thank you.

As you all know, Sister Franford, our former choir director, has decided to

pursue her musical career full -time.

Oh, yeah!

Amen.

Singing back up to ZZ Top.

Our new choir director will be Sister Rachel Cross.

I'll think about it and get back to you. But Gospel Sunday is only two weeks

away. I accept.

And I promise that this year's Gospel Sunday will be the most fun day.

Excellent. I will lead this choir to new heights of perfection.

Wonderful. I publicly pledge in front of this entire congregation that I will

leave no stone unturned.

Yeah. We get the picture.

Now, as I look out upon the congregation, it makes me feel happy.

to see a few new faces. Yes.

So if anyone feels a need to speak within their heart, stand up and

Young man, I take it you have something to say. Yes, your pastorship.

Pastor people, regular people.

My name is Stephen Q. Urkel.

Felt like there was something missing in my life.

Now I know it seems like I've got everything going for me. Intelligence.

Killer good looks.

And a wonderful woman who's wild about me.

Touching, sorry.

But today I've learned that those things were merely foolish props.

tries to cover the baldness of his head with that mail -order rug.

It's about time somebody pointed that out.

I was looking for love, Karen, and jokes.

Well, this place is chock full of those things.

So, I'm happy to say that a few minutes ago, I opened my heart

and invited the Lord in.

Well, amen!

This is it.

This is what it is.

What do you say after choir rehearsal?

You, me, movie?

You, me, never.

Eddie, you couldn't pick up a girl if she had handles.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, hi, Carl.

What's in the box?

Oh, um, just a hat.

Is that a present for Rachel?

Maybe, maybe not.

Are you trying to get the big solo?

Maybe, maybe not.

Carl Winslow, you're sucking up.

Yeah, so?

Well, it's sneaky, underhanded, and dishonest.

Hi, Harriet.

Hey, thanks for the new necklace. It must have cost you a fortune.

All right, everyone, coffee break is over. Can we check our places, please?

Oh, Rachel, Rachel, un momento, s 'il vous plaît.

Steve, what are you doing here?

Well, I'd like to join the choir if it's okay with you, Rachel.

Well, I suppose. Why don't you squeeze in there with the tenors? Okay,

everyone,

we'll start with Oh, Happy Day.

Hyena hootenanny.

Steve, perhaps I was a little hasty. Why don't you step forward and sing for me,

please? Oh, certainly, Charles.

Oh, happy day!

Oh, happy day!

Steve? Oh, happy day!

Steve?

It's not a happy day, Steve.

Oh,

you're way off key. Let's see if a pitch pipe will help you, okay?

Why don't you try this?

Okay, here we go.

Steve, you're not listening, honey. Listen to it now.

Steve, listen to it.

Steve,

we have a major problem here.

Maybe you could come back when your voice has changed.

It already did.

Steve, I'm sorry, but Gospel Sunday is very important, and I just can't let you

be in the choir.

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.

He just joined.

Give him a chance.

Excuse me, but will everyone who is directing this choir please raise their

baton?

Well, that's settled. Now, Steve, your hymnal, please.

Okay.

Now, look, I know we've been rehearsing this song for six hours, but it's losing

its freshness.

Yeah, people, let's perk it up.

Marge. Yes?

Just sing from your diaphragm, not your sinuses.

And, Brother Spencer, slap some polygrip on those choppers.

Sound like a pair of castanets.

Rachel, zip it, Harriet. We got work to do here.

now once more, and this time, see if you can follow my baton.

86 that too.

Rachel, you can't do that. I bought you a hat.

I can do whatever I want, Mr. Winslow, because I am the choir director.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Problem? If Tom's not singing the solo, then who is?

Well, I am. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Now look, Marge and I have the best voice.

So I flipped a coin, and I won.

Hey, now look.

I am in charge here. That is why I have the baton.

get so good at checkers?

Practice. Fortunately, when I was young, I had no friends.

Steve, did you tell your parents that you went to church?

Oh, yeah.

How'd they take it?

You see, my father demanded to know how with my scientific training, I could

believe in God.

After all, I can't touch, see, or feel him.

But I pointed out that I can't touch, see, or feel an Adam either, but I

it exists.

You're right.

That's what we call faith.

Hi. Oh, hi, sugar.

Where is everybody?

They went out to dinner.

Why didn't you go?

Well, Harry called and I drew straws to find out who would stay to have a little

heart -to -heart talk with you.

And you won.

Won, lost, what's the difference?

Rachel, sit over here, sweetheart.

you been acting as choir director?

Yes.

Well, knock it off.

Excuse me?

Rachel, the good Lord doesn't care if his praises are sung off key.

As long as it's sung straight from the heart.

You're right.

And Steve, I shouldn't have kicked you out of the choir.

Look on the bright side.

You just saved me the trouble of quitting later on with all the others.

I guess I had that coming.

Oh, I really messed up.

Gospel Sunday is in two days and the choir won't even talk to me.

Well, apologize to them. Maybe they'll forgive you.

Not after the way I acted.

Rachel, just before you came in, Steve and I were discussing faith.

It seems to me you should apologize to the choir and have faith

they will forgive you.

But what if they don't forgive me?

Then you'll have to leave town.

And as God tells us in Psalm 95, verse 1,

let us...

Sing unto the Lord.

Let us make a joyful noise to the rocks of our salvation.

But we're not going to do that today.

Gospel Sunday has been canceled.

Plays got changed.

Things got switched.

People had...

Obligations.

Pastor Peebles. Yes, Rachel.

If I may, I think the congregation deserves to hear the truth.

Please.

Folks, the reason Gospel Sunday was canceled is because the choir quit.

And the reason the choir quit was because the moment I became choir

started acting like a jerk. Amen.

I got a swelled head and I started picking on people and just

bossing everyone around.

I'm truly sorry. And I just hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Rachel.

Yes?

Put your hand in the hand of the man who steal the water.

Put your hand in the hand of the man that comes to save.

Take a look at yourself.

By putting your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee

in the hands of the man who can.