Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man is born.

He's a man of me.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes, but they got different strokes, different

strokes, different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot.

So what? They'll have theirs and you'll have yours and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine. Because it takes different strokes to move the

world. Yes, it does. It takes different strokes to move the world.

What's happening?

Hey, where's it changing?

doing here?

Yeah. Now beat it.

Thank you. Glad you asked.

I'm Arnold Jackson of the Buchanan Beacon. Perhaps you've heard of me.

Well, no matter.

I just want to do a story on you guys.

I want to show everybody that you're just like everyone else. That you put

pants on one leg at a time.

That's not how I do it.

He's, uh, very special.

Look, how I put my pants on is my own business.

Now beat it.

Okay, okay.

I just thought that a little favorable publicity.

I like that picture I took of you catching that touchdown pass against

Jefferson. That was you I landed on in the end zone?

It might have looked a little different with your knee in my face.

You're all right.

Thank you. That's what I've been trying to... That's what I've been trying to

tell these guys.

I assure you the article will be very complimentary.

After it's published... You guys will be a hit with all the girls.

We're already hits with all the girls.

I met all the girls in Jersey, too.

Now, let me get your name.

Daryl Gleason, 5 '10", 175, middle linebacker.

Pisces. Favorite color blue, favorite food, the toys and Cracker Jack boxes.

That's great.

Thank you.

And you?

Teddy. Jeffrey.

Hey, Joe. Hey, Art.

Hey, guys.

It's all I'm standing around.

It's no good for the cholesterol level. Hey, Artie.

You got the, uh... Okay, kid. Beat it. But, but... Now.

But... Okay, I guess we can continue some other time. Sure, sure. Some other

time. Who is that? Some dippy reporter from the school paper.

And there's some things we don't need reported. You know?

Yeah. One thing my business doesn't need is publicity, if you know what I mean.

Well, we got the money. Let's divvy up.

One slight problem. I only have half.

You trying to rip us off?

Relax. I'll have the rest for you on Friday at 3 o 'clock.

Friday?

We train every day.

Our deal wasn't for Friday.

Very good, Clint.

I told you these steroids worked.

Well, let's see how it works on your face. Easy, Icebox.

Now, we've been dealing with Artie for a year, and he's not going to stiff us.

Much better customers like you guys. You can have my share. I got enough juice

till last middle Friday.

Okay.

The time has come.

Only two rounds.

I love winning. You know, you want to win a championship game. Josh has good

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Contact lenses.

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with HydraClear Plus. That means comfort on the field and off. Wow.

I can't feel them at all. Josh got AccuView. Josh got his game back. For a

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Some article, huh, Mr. Drummond? What do you think?

I think Arnold will be back any minute, and I'm sure that his opinion is much

more valuable than mine.

I already know it, and it's not.

Well, I thought it was very good, Dudley.

Do you think it'll get me on the paper full time?

Let me say that just by reading the article, I was able to actually smell

meatloaf right here in my living room.

Wow.

Hey. How did I handle the debate over the classic brown meat versus the high

-tech gray loaf?

Sam, you like meatloaf. Here, read this.

Oh, sure, please.

Hey, you finished already?

It didn't hold my interest.

Hey, guys, big news. I just came from the library.

Wow, Arnold, that is big news.

No, Sam, that's not the big news. I'm about to expose a big scandal at school.

was in the locker room and I saw what looked like a deal for steroids.

What are they?

Don't you know what steroids are?

What are they, Dudley?

Um, you tell them, Arnold.

Well, they're synthetic hormones that have some medical uses, but athletes use

them to build bulk and add muscle.

Boy, I could use some of those.

No way, Sam, they're bad stuff.

Some medical reports say that it could cause some serious long -term side

effects, especially with your heart and liver. And I'm going to blow the lid off

of this story.

Arnold, you can't write an article based on what you think you saw.

That's why I'm going to sneak back into the locker room on Friday to get the

proof. You'll get yourself killed. This is the craziest idea you've ever had.

No, it's not.

But it's close.

Thank you, Sam.

Now, I have a foolproof plan.

I'm going to sneak back in there and get all the evidence on film and tape.

That's a great idea, Arnold. And I've got just the thing to help you.

You're serious, aren't you?

Of course. That could get me a Pulitzer. And I already figured out what you have

to do.

Me? When did me get involved?

That was with my friend. Besides, you know too much already.

No, no, I don't. Honest. You know my memory. Why you calling me Dudley?

Okay.

Plan is working perfectly.

Yeah, except when the subway door closed on my pants.

I liked it when that guy sitting across from you started praying to your knees.

Now, here's the plan.

I'm going to get in this hamper and get all the evidence on the tapered corner

and this camera, and then you come back in here and wheel me out of here at 3

.30 like you're at the laundry service.

Now, do you think you can handle that?

Sure, but what do I do for the next hour?

Have your pants deflated.

Come on.

Boosie? Yes?

Just another typical day in the life of a laundry man.

Not yet.

Not yet.

What? The deal hasn't gone down yet.

But what about our plan?

Don't worry.

The plan's still perfect.

Just come back later.

Hey, you. Who? Who, me?

I bet you're wondering why I'm talking to myself.

I'm sure it's because you have no friends.

What are you doing here?

Well, I came to take out the dirty laundry.

But we haven't taken our showers yet. So there isn't any dirty laundry.

So beat it.

Because we want you to have a nice day.

Yes, sir. It's nice already.

I saw a bird before.

Sorry.

I gotta go I don't like this

we need a more private place relax if anyone else gets in the way we'll play a

little game of football us against him

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Meet the Zohar.

He's a hero.

Why you do this? I feel no pain. With the style, I want to be hairdresser.

There's nothing wrong with that. All his own. Can anyone do this?

Adam Satter.

Have you ever worked with dreads? You creature!

What are you, bionic?

No, no, no, no, no. I only like the girls. You don't mess with the Zohar.

PG -13.

Billy's got an Oreo cake, sir.

Billy's got an Oreo cake, sir. Billy's got an Oreo cake, sir.

Bobby's got his first

chest hair?

Who cares? Billy's got an Oreo Cakester.

Oreo Cakesters. Oreo cream sandwiched between two moist chocolate cakes.

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Now that's an American Revolution.

You're sitting on the couch, you're watching TV, and your life's passing you

You keep procrastinating over and over. Well, maybe I'll go to school next year

or maybe next semester. No, do it right now. They'll work with you after work or

you can go before work. You can do whatever you need to do to graduate. Go

to somebody right now. They out to help you. You spend all day on the phone

anyhow. Why don't you make a phone call that's going to help you in your future?

All you got to do is pick up the phone and make the call.

Why are you making it complicated?

It's easy.

We start with a fresh grade A egg. We break it. Then we fix it. So you can

your day sunny side up.

That's what we're made of.

No preservatives. No fillers. No, no, no. The only thing in our beef is beef.

Sink your teeth into that.

That's what we're made of.

Salon steps out and takes center stage.

Catching all new actors granted.

Salon, I decide.

This was the best decision I ever made in my life. It's the best of both

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We've gained a whole family.

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They send me pictures and letters, like, almost weekly sometimes.

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Today, parents have a lot of hard choices.

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Write it down, because you've got enough to worry about.

Fit up.

And what's taking him so long anyway?

Maybe he got caught in traffic.

Yeah, well, maybe he'll get caught with my cleats up his nose.

Look, he's good. He gets his juice from a real doctor.

Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late. The doctor had an emergency.

What happened? Did he lose the golf ball?

Here they are.

Well, the money's all here. Hey, these are not the same steroids we've been

taking. Yes, they are.

They're just a different brand.

How do we know this stuff is any good?

You can get the same ingredients without the fancy packaging.

Playing rap.

Well, I better get back to the college.

Those lady shop putters don't get their stuff. They start thinking I'm

attractive.

What is this doing here?

Somebody could trip or stub their toe.

I just hope this is worth all the trouble.

Are you kidding?

I was warming the bench last season and now I'm all city.

That might have happened anyway. You guys have been working out like maniacs.

There's no way I could gain 30 pounds by just working out. And I couldn't handle

this much iron last year.

I guess I could use some more strength.

That's what coach says anyway.

I'm just worried it could hurt you.

All I think is going to hurt you is that bunch of other team who had been

working out with Daryl Evans.

My toe.

Very funny.

Who moved this thing anyway?

I don't know, Ted.

Maybe it walked over by itself.

Very skeptical of that theory.

Skeptical of that theory?

Hey, you guys, what do you think?

Oh, Clint, you're so macho. Would you take the little frog? Not on your life,

kid. Hey,

cheerleading practice starts soon. Let's get the ball and throw it around where

they can love it. See ya.

Excellent idea.

I'll grab the bag.

Send this thing to Dumbbell. Guess you need them steroids more than you

Ow!

It won't be bad. It all opens up.

Hi, guys. What's happening?

That's funny.

We were just going to ask you the same thing.

Oh, I was just getting some ideas for my football story.

I was getting a viewpoint of the equipment.

What's this for? Are you going to interview with helmets?

It's my demo tape.

What are you demonstrating?

How much of a jerk you are?

That's funny. That's really funny. I gotta get that on tape.

Well, the money's all here. These are not the same steroids we've been taking.

Hey, who ruined my demo tape?

I guess I did.

And, uh, I bet you take really good pictures, too. Uh -uh.

I'm told I have a lot of potential.

Well, if you want to reach that potential and your next birthday, you'll

about what happened here today.

Well, there's not much I can do without my evidence anyway.

Yeah, well, just in case you have any second thoughts, here's a little

to remember us by.

Thanks.

I need a new one anyway.

This is quite an impressive piece of detective work.

But it was also very dangerous, and you should have told me about it.

I'm sorry, Dad. I guess I did get carried away.

But I did get the proof.

You certainly did.

These pictures are incredible. And you took them all with Sam's little camera.

Yeah, the guy at the one -hour photo place loved them. He wants me to spy on

wife.

over the world taking pictures for the FBI, the CIA, and the SHA.

The SHA?

Superheroes Anonymous.

It's a secret organization I joined with coupons from my comic books.

We fight evil wherever it strikes.

I'm going to need their help because when I publish these pictures, evil is

going to strike me upside the head.

Well, as a member of the Superhero Safety Committee, I suggest you don't

them.

Speaking as your father, I agree with the safety committee.

Oh, hey, you've got to. I mean, people have got to know what's going on in

own school and put a stop to it.

That's true. It's got to be stopped.

But you are not going to get hurt, Arnold.

We're going to put this thing in the hands of the authorities.

Oh, wait, Dad. No, no, that's okay. I mean, even if I kept my name out of

those guys would know who I am. Sometimes we'll publish the pictures

because what a real photojournalist would do.

Arnold, you're making this very difficult for me. Look, I'm proud of

doing. I don't want to stand in your way.

But I've got to call the principal of the school to be sure that you have

protection from those boys.

Well, okay, Dad, if you want to.

But I'm sure that Robbie, Dudley, and Charlie will stand behind me.

I better make that call right away.

We ought to kill that kid.

Listen to this.

The school is launching a complete investigation into the matter.

And any student found guilty of using steroids will be suspended.

Hey, guys, look what I found.

Just in time, too.

We need a new tackling dummy.

Guys, guys, wait a minute.

Oops.

Man, I did this for your own good.

Yeah, well, we're doing this for your own good. But didn't you read my

What you're doing is illegal.

Not to mention harmful to your health.

No one knows that for sure. You even said that yourself.

But they're pretty sure, so why take the risk?

Because if I don't have a good season, I won't get a college scholarship.

And if I don't get a scholarship, there's no way I can afford to go to

And if I don't put on some bulk, no major college is going to want me.

And if you don't go to a major, it's almost impossible to make the pros.

I didn't realize that.

Well, you're going to realize this.

All right, get it over with.

journalists beaten to a pulp will be my next article.

But what you're going to do to me isn't half as bad as what you're going to do

to yourself.

I mean, you're risking your future with some glory you think comes out of a

bottle. Well, it doesn't. It comes from hard work.

But I should have realized you guys would be too dumb to figure that out.

Are you through?

Yeah.

Good, let's get it. Hey, wait a minute.

You can't do that.

Sorry, Zach, it was rude of us to start without you.

That's not what I mean.

I mean, I think we should let the fool go for now.

You do? You do?

You do?

Of course you do.

Look, if we stomp them now, they'll trace it right back to us, and we'd be

more trouble than we already are.

They're not going to trace anything back to us if they can't find the body.

My body's just about impossible to lose.

Some people have tried it already.

Trust me.

We lay low for a little while, and...

At least until the investigation's over.

You're right, Zach. We should be careful.

But you never know when you might be riding your bike home from school and

a little accident.

I don't ride my bike.

Yeah, but you get the message, don't you, Arnold?

I couldn't be clearer if it was tattooed on my face.

That's an idea.

Let's get out of here.

Take it easy, Arnold.

Arnold.

Jokes.

Hey, Arnold.

I just wanted to thank you.

Thank you? I should be thanking you.

You saved my life.

No, you may have saved mine.

You know, I read your article, and it kind of shook me up.

I figure if I can't make it on my natural ability, well, it's not worth

destroying my body, you know?

Well, thank you.

That's really great.

It'll give me some consolation when I accidentally fall into a cement mixer.

I wouldn't worry too much about that.

You know, the guys will cool off, and I think I can convince them that you're

really not worth picking up.

No offense.

None taken.

You made them.

Arnold, I hate to interrupt you, but you're going to have to remove your

typewriter. Pearl has to set the table. Oh, I can't right now, Dad. I'm doing a

follow -up article on my steroids story, and I've got a deadline.

Well, wait.

Dinner's at six.

Well, okay, Dad. I'm going to finish upstairs, but I'm going to skip dinner.

Hey, how come Arnold gets to skip for typing, and I don't get to skip dinner

more time?

Brussels sprouts.

Good point, Sam.

Arnold, you'll have dinner with the rest of us. And we are having Brussels

sprouts. Oh, but Dad, I'm right at the point where they arrest Arnie and

going to torture him and tell him where the doctor is.

Torture, Arnold?

Okay, plea bargain.

You know, it's hard for me to believe that a doctor would really do that.

Anyway, I'm glad that your article exposed him. So is the AMA.

And so is the SHA.

No, they cooled off a little.

The coach says if they attend counseling sessions and stay clean, he'll let them

back on the team next year.

Great. Hey, Arnold, I want to go hide. We're on a Brussels sprout alert.

Arnold, I must say, you really have done some four -star reporting. I am very

proud of you.

So I can skip dinner?

Not that proud.

Supposing I get you an electric typewriter so that next time you'll be

before dinner.

Deal.

Oh, yeah.

We better go help Doug and Lenny.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You know what?

We're just getting too damn pissed.

You know what? I think we need to expand the club.

Let's not get carried away.

I don't think we've gotten to that point just yet.

Come on.

Bring the girl back.

You know, until I can talk, let's expand.

Isn't it like a funny bone?

It just won't leave you alone while you sit inside your home.

Yeah, now look, let's check it out. If we knock out this wall here and knock

this wall here, we can use the empty space that used to be your garage.

You know, we can keep the hydraulic lift, man, put the jazz band on it.

Music in the air.

What's it for?

Comedy.

Hey, guys, Mr.

Hawkins is here.

Ah, just the man we wanted to see.

Gentlemen, I don't have much time. What can you do for me today?

This is a private conversation.

Oh, gotcha.

Oh,

you want me to leave?

Well, there's time, there's money, and you can't afford me, so... Right. But,

Mr. Hawkins, here's the deal.

The 50 -50 club has been doing fairly well.

Yeah, it's not great at all. Oh, man, it's just so -so.

Barely, barely scraping by.

So we figured to increase our profits, it might be a good thing to expand our

operations. So we were hoping that you would possibly let us rent the empty

space next to us for a little, little discount.

Nice try, McGee.

What? This club is making a fortune.

That's the designer sweater you're wearing.

And Sherman never wears the same hat twice.

This? This is Kmart.

The Regis Collection.

And this is a knockoff, man. It ain't even a kangaroo. It's a mango.

Look at those, man. That ain't no kangaroo. That's a possum.

Edward, please.

Two of you are raking in the cash.

Do you actually think you're going to...