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Join us for a new season of Bobby Jones Gospel. More roof -raising performances

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Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man is born.

He's the man of me.

Then along comes two.

They got nothing but the genes, but they got different strokes to take,

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It don't matter that you got.

Let's take a break and see if we can find a winner on the Why I Watch Captain

Jack Sweepstakes.

Isn't he great, Dad?

Great. I may stay home from work so I can watch him.

Dear Captain Jack.

It's me.

I watch your show all the time because Channel 12 is the only one that works on

my TV.

Bill Gretzky, Cleveland, Ohio.

Well, Bill.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it won't win the Captain Jack's three

Top of the line.

Enough. Let's go. Wait, Dad.

Can I finish watching the hotel to drip blood in the limo?

As long as it doesn't drip on the seat.

Okay, men.

Our next mission is to rescue the ice cream man and release the hot fudge

sundaes. Yay!

We've gone over the plan.

Now it's your job to carry them out.

Timmy Frankel. Yes, sir!

Some of your squad.

Burton, Henderson, McKinney, Maxwell.

Kid, can I wait in the car?

No, why? Come on, get in here.

This is some dumb kid's party.

Wow! A ramble party!

This is really neat!

I mean, neat for a kid.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Timmy's mom.

Oh, I'm Sam's father. Oh, how do you do?

Um, the party's not quite over.

It's a madhouse, Mr. Drummond. A madhouse, honestly.

Um, why don't you take a hat and help yourself to some cake and ice cream?

Billy! Get off that table!

If he falls, I'm dead. Both his parents are lawyers.

Put the thing on my head? Oh, come on. Go with the flow.

Oh, that was a silly.

Hey, kid, put the hat on now.

Yes, sir, Rambo, sir. Well,

this is very impressive. I've never seen anything like this before.

Oh, well, it's a theme party.

All the kids have them.

Last year, we had a barbecue adventure.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Hot Dogs.

Now, let me get this straight.

This is a birthday for a nine -year -old boy. You bought out an army surplus

store, and you hired a rocky lookalike.

Rambo, Mr. Drummond. I paid for Rambo. Oh, Rambo.

Sorry.

Well, it's amazing.

In my day, a birthday party was a few friends, a piece of cake, a quick game

pin the tail on the donkey.

I guess that makes me seem pretty old.

Yes.

No!

These days, if you want your kid to have a special day, you gotta keep up with

the Joneses and the Burtons and the Maxwells. You know, it's a lot of

They don't tell you about that part of motherhood.

I tell you, I've had my last child.

Well, uh, good.

I think you've done a wonderful job here. Oh, I hope so.

It cost more than my wedding.

Would you excuse me? Oh, certainly.

Look,

Mr. D. A chocolate hand grenade.

Oh, isn't that amazing?

Whatever happened to little chocolate bunnies?

We already bit their ears off.

Hey, Sam, great party. It's even better than Tommy Burton's Star Trek party.

Yeah, that was crummy.

The Vulcans didn't even have green blood.

Okay, everybody, it's time for Timmy to open his gifts.

Oh, I hope he didn't get a drum set.

I'm afraid you'll have to say your goodbyes now. We have to pick up your

Yeah, hurry up.

I hope you can come to my party. It's going to be two weeks from Saturday.

Man, that's the same day as my party.

That's too bad because my dad's making me the best party of the year.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it's not going to be better than mine.

Says who?

Says me.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Quiet, boys.

Timmy's just starting to open his gifts. I hope this is a... Great party, Mrs.

Franklin.

Here's a good idea for a party.

Henry Ribbons and his dog, Bruce.

An accomplished ventriloquist, Henry uses Bruce as his dummy to tell stories

about the animal kingdom. How about that?

I don't know, Dad.

That doesn't really scream excitement.

Baker right on her nose job.

Maybe that's why he works so cheaply.

Is it really so necessary to make a big production out of this, Sam?

Couldn't a birthday party just be fun?

You saw the Rambo party, didn't you, Mr. D?

Honey, we're not going to have a party that glorifies war.

We need someone with flash and pizzazz.

Someone like Hulk Hogan or Lou Albano.

Lou who?

Albano! He's a wrestler.

and he has rubber bands to his face.

I'll get it.

Hey, Sam. Hey, Sam.

Hey, guys, what's up? We got the invitation to your party, Sam, but we

know to where.

Yeah, you didn't think what kind of a party it was going to be.

Uh, well, it's a secret.

That's neat. Only Freddy's party's on the same day, and it's the Godzilla

the Smurfs party.

Well, you guys are gonna...

party, aren't you?

I don't know, Sam.

Watching this humongous lizard trap these cute little blue guys sure sounds

a blast to me.

Just tell us your secret. We won't tell anyone else.

But if I tell you guys, it won't be a secret anymore.

Gee, Sam, you sure have a problem.

Hey, guys, I'm glad you're all here. Want to come over and watch the Captain

Jack movie on my dad's big screen TV? Great!

this weekend um uh arnold's homework yeah he

asked me to help him with his math what's the matter sam mad at me because

one's coming to your birthday party there'll be plenty of people at my

party sure there will just don't order too much food one cupcake will be enough

On top of Godzilla versus the Smurfs.

Sam, honey.

Sam, listen.

If your friends aren't coming to the party simply because you're not having

Godzilla, well, honey, they're really not your friends.

It doesn't matter, Mama.

Freddy's right.

I guess you're shorter than one cupcake.

These are the days of the dirty dirt.

You have no standards.

She put me on the spot. Like, I'm some type of male. I do keep multiple females

around me at all times because there's nothing better than you.

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I'm ready. Okay, who's available?

You know.

I feel for the kid.

You keep your room clean.

You comb your hair. You brush your teeth.

You return your library books on time.

And for what?

Just so Godzilla can come along and sit on your happy birthday cake.

Aw, it's nice that you're concerned, Arnold.

Of course I'm concerned.

If Sam loses all his friends, he'll spend the rest of his life hanging

me.

Okay, Tom, I got it. Thank you.

Arnold, tell me something.

How do you think Sam would feel about having Al Martino at his birthday party?

Who?

I was afraid of that.

Philip, we have got to do something.

I mean, I feel awful for Sam.

Birthdays are supposed to be so special.

Fit, don't you own Megafax Electronics?

Well, I have a controlling interest in Exner Industries.

which is the parent company of Wiginski Limited, which is the holding company

for... Ed.

Yeah, I own it.

Well, maybe Sam doesn't have to settle for free flossing after all.

Where's Sam?

He's surprised he'll be here in a minute.

Sam McKinney!

Front and center!

Arnold, honey, don't play with your food.

I'm not really playing, Maggie.

You ever wonder how they get the raisin inside the shredded wheat?

See, look, there's a raisin inside each one of these little things. Let me see

that.

It's amazing.

Hey!

I'm not feeling too good, Mama.

I don't think I should go to school today.

I am.

Could you stand a big surprise?

It doesn't matter, Mr. D.

My childhood is over.

Tomorrow I'm going to become an accountant.

I'll get it.

Sam, Dad got you the spokesman from that electronic company that he owns.

Great. Freddy's got Godzilla, and I've got a nose out of fixed toasters.

Captain Jack would like to come to your party.

Anthony, we're here to find the lady who works in the cafeteria.

Hot food or cold food?

Hot food.

Beatrice, she usually knows her stuff.

Arnold,

can I have five bucks?

Now, Sam, what do you need with five dollars?

I really only need 50 cents, but I figured I'd have a better shot if you

down the big bucks.

I can't refuse him. I mean, he learned from the master.

Captain Jack is going to be there.

Captain Jack?

Really? I didn't know that.

Richard? Not me.

Relax, guys. You can come to my party.

All right!

Hey, watch this.

hanging around a bunch of dopey little kids.

Well, see that redhead over there?

That's my little brother, uh, stepbrother, Sam.

Cute, ain't he?

Um, his birthday is Saturday, and, uh, yeah, well, I guess you don't want to go

to a party hosted by Captain Jack.

Hello, guys. Can I decide what to get me for my birthday?

Uh, sort of. Um, only I don't think I can come to your birthday party.

And I can't come either, Freddy.

I, uh, have to do something for my mother that day.

Oh, what could be more important than coming to my party?

How about coming to my party? That's a laugh.

Oh, yeah?

Well, Captain Jack's gonna be at my party.

Captain Jack?

In person.

He was at my house this morning. So laugh at that while you're having fun

your squire smirk.

is delirious.

You did a wonderful job.

Oh, thank you.

But it still bothers me that we have to do all this to make a nine -year -old

happy. What are we going to do when he's 16?

That's easy.

We send him on the space shuttle.

scuzzy war prance.

Hey, are you really Captain Jack?

That I am.

You look much fatter on TV.

Have your set fixed.

Listen up, lads.

I'm Captain Jack and I'm strong and I'm brave and you better get out of my way.

If you step out of line, you better believe there'll be a big price to pay.

I need a crew that's fearless and bold and knows how to handle a rudder because

when the going gets rough, my men will get tired.

and not go home to their mutter.

Then we'll split up the loot all for one, one for all, because my men are the

best and the brightest.

And I'm Captain Jack, and I'm strong, and I'm brave, but I do have a touch of

bursitis.

Ah, now, who settles with me, lads?

I don't like this idea. Calm down, calm down. I don't know.

Looks like a pretty green crew to me.

But I guess I can whip you into shape. Come on, lads, over here, quick.

Speak for me.

Hulk.

Redbeard.

Hatch. Now remember, lads.

You're on my ship now.

And what I say is law.

Got it?

Aye, aye, Captain.

And his treasure's never been found, lads.

But then again, Captain Jack has never looked for it before.

Let's go, lads!

Ah,

this is a tough one, lads.

It took them less time to find the Titanic.

Maybe it's in one of my presents.

Ah!

This way's north.

I should have listened to my parents and finished junior high school.

Thank you.

The Smurfs got bored and went home. And Godzilla made a pass at my mother.

Gee, that's too bad.

I'm sorry I ruined your birthday, but maybe we could have our own little

Just the two of us. Would you like a hot dog?

Sure. Come on.

And later we can open presents together and everything.

Sounds great.

Come on, move it, Junior Lamb.

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Thanks, Betty.

Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday, dear Sam.

Happy birthday to me.

Sam, look at where you were.

You know, that was very rude.

you to walk out on all your guests.

Well, Sam, honey, why did you leave your party?

I guess I wasn't having a very good time.

Oh, but honey, all of your friends were there because of you.

No, they weren't.

They were there because of Captain Jack.

I wanted to have the best party ever.

I guess I did.

It was so good they didn't even need me.

It's all my fault. No.

it isn't. Parties should be celebration, not a competition.

I guess we all got a little bit carried away.

You were right, Mama.

I guess what I should have had was cake and ice cream and all my friends around.

You mean just a plain old party?

Yeah. Maybe next year I could have one of those.

Oh, why wait till next year, Sam?

Surprise!