Original subtitles

You can't rain on my parade.

I'm a free man.

No more taking that squirt to kiddie cartoon festivals.

Gentlemen, I have seen my last tap -dancing tree.

Arnold, you're the best big brother a guy could ever have.

I know.

Did Arnold tell you about my new friend?

Terry's the only other kid my age in this building. A new friend. Well,

just great, Sam.

Yeah, Terry's just like me. We both like dirt.

collection. Ah, to be young again.

See you around, old -timer.

Mr. D., can I invite Terry to lunch?

Oh, sure.

I'll go and make some lunch.

Could I have my favorite sandwich?

You got it, Sam. Peanut butter and tuna.

at an exercise convention.

Oh, is she fat?

No, she's tall and skinny, just like me.

Terry, you're going to love living in this building. We've got the greatest

sidewalk in town.

When it's icy, you can watch the people slip...

three. What's going on, Sam?

It's Terry.

That he turned out to be a she.

Oh, Terry's a girl.

Well, that's nice.

What's wrong with that?

Oh, no, not you too, Mr. D.

You're gonna have to make this up to me, Arnold.

Oh, no.

My pest -free life only lasted 20 minutes.

That kid's maddening.

Last week, I was hitting the head all day by all -day suckers.

You deserved it for introducing me to that girl.

Terry really tricked me bad, Mr. D. Are you sure, Sam?

Did she actually tell you that she was a boy?

No, and that was the sneaky part.

That and liking army dolls, baseball, and toads. So goodbye to her and every

other girl.

I'm gonna go check the telescope and find a planet I wish she was on.

Oh, what a mess.

Sam's really upset.

Man, it's gonna be a tough job trying to get him straightened out.

But I'm gonna gotta do it.

Good luck, Dad.

Sam, let me ask you something.

Before you knew that Terry was a girl, Was she a lot of fun?

Yeah, I guess so.

Were you a good friend?

No, she was okay.

Look, Sam, let's pretend that you hate Martians.

I do.

I hate them. They're green and slimy just like Brussels sprouts.

Right.

Let's also pretend that you've had a pen pal for, say, four years.

But I've only known how to write for three.

Okay, two years. Whatever.

Anyhow, you get to like this pen pal a lot.

And you become really good friends.

Okay? And then let's say that one day he comes to visit you and he turns out to

be, guess what?

A Martian.

Now, would you like him any less?

I guess not. Not if I already thought he was cool.

Well, see, that's no different than Terry. You already thought she was cool

she's not even green and slimy.

She does do some good stuff.

Boy stuff.

See, the point is, we all have to learn to judge people by who they are, not

what they are.

Even if they're a girl?

Well, sure, girls are people just like you and me.

Really?

Really.

You wouldn't have to treat Terry differently than any other friend.

In fact, we should all treat everyone the same way.

Okay, Mr. Dean, I'll try.

I still can't believe she fooled me.

You know, but I should have known something was strange.

She smelled too good to be a boy.

Could the group be losing Sarah to love and London? Keith understands me a

little better than the people in the house. I'm really appreciative of that.

She knows how to work everything that can be worked. Sarah's making a fool of

herself. Childish Hill, Atlanta, tonight at 10.

If you've been hurt in a car accident, a fall or any kind of accident, you may

be entitled to money. Get the money you deserve for your injuries.

Call the lawyers group. Call 1 -800 -607 -2020.

The call is free. The advice is free. Call 1 -800 -607 -2020.

If you've been hurt in any kind of accident, lawyers group is waiting for

call. Call toll free 1 -800 -607 -2020.

There is a joyful sound.

It's a powerful sound.

It's the sound of the gospel choir.

Time Life proudly present Voices, the ultimate gospel choir collection.

You'll hear Kirk Franklin, Hezekiah Walker, Donald Lawrence, Walter Hawkins.

Two CDs of gospel choir classics.

Get Voices, 24 gospel choir classics on two CDs for just $24 .99.

But wait.

Order in the next 10 minutes with your credit card, and we'll cut the price to

just $14 .99.

That's two CDs for just $14 .99.

Then review other great gospel collections.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

So call now to get Voices on two CDs for just $14 .99.

Call 1 -800 -784 -7616 to order

Voices, the ultimate gospel choir collection, on two CDs for just $14 .99,

shipping and handling when you use your credit card. Call now or order online at

timelife .com slash voices.

Hey, I found a dollar on your couch. Are you fit? You sure? It's a dollar. It

won't get me anything these days. You can turn that dollar into a KFC snacker.

Big taste, big variety, small coin. The 99 cent snacker is at KFC. Grab one and

go for just 99 cents.

With

over

a billion movies delivered so far, it's movie time.

How's it going, Sam?

Not so good, Willis.

I invited Terry over.

Can you give me some pointers on making up with a girl? I mean, you have to do

it all the time.

Not all the time, Sam. Sometimes they move to another city.

What should I say to her?

Well, first of all, apologize for saying you're sorry she was a girl.

Will that do it?

Not quite.

You also have to act miserable and let her think she's the cause of it. They

really love that.

Thanks, Willow. I feel a lot better now.

Right on, Fireball.

Wish me luck.

Oh, hi, Terry. The only thing I want to hear from you is an apology.

Okay. Terry, I'm...

Apology accepted.

Good. Terry, I was wondering maybe we could be friends again.

That's friends.

I don't know, Sam.

You hurt my feelings pretty bad.

Well, you hurt my foot pretty bad.

And at least you don't have to walk on your feelings.

That's true.

So how about it?

I did that yesterday.

I blew it. He's dead.

Well, you must be Terry. Hi.

You are a very pretty young lady.

I'm not pretty. I'm strong.

Watch it, Mr. D. She might stomp on your foot.

I'll be careful.

Looks as if you two are having a pretty good time.

A terrific time, Mr. D. And it's even going to be better tonight.

That's right.

What's tonight?

I asked Terry to sleep over.

Oh.

Well, I guess that's all right if Terry's parents... and say it's all

Terry can sleep in Kimberly's room.

That's no fun, Mr. D.

Terry and I want to sleep together.

Look, Sam, I'm not so sure that this sleeping over thing is such a good idea.

Why not, Mr. D?

Well, because Terry is a girl.

But you said that doesn't matter.

Well, it doesn't.

Except for some things.

Like sleeping over.

But why? If I'm asleep, for all I know, she could be Arnold.

You have a point there, Sam.

There's really nothing wrong with it.

But then again, there is.

Toga! Toga!

Where's your buddy Terry?

Uh, we're having a little problem here.

See, Sam wants his friend Terry to stay over tonight.

So?

Yeah, so?

Willis, she's a girl.

So?

Yeah, so?

So!

Excuse us, Sam. Dad.

You can't be... You worried about two eight -year -olds having a sleepover?

I'm not worried, Willis.

I guess I am just a little bit old -fashioned. I mean, some things are

some things are not so right.

Well, look at it this way, Dad.

Letting her sleep over could be a blessing.

A blessing?

Mm -hmm.

Go ahead, shoot, Willis.

I'm always fascinated by your thought process.

Dad, at their age, they're so innocent.

They don't know the difference between playing with army dolls or having a

sleepover.

He is innocent.

Right. And if Terry can't sleep over, Sam's going to start to ask questions.

And the only way you're going to be able to answer them is by explaining about

the birds and the bees.

Well, I sure don't want to force him into asking about that before he's

Good thinking, Willis. Yeah, it is, isn't it?

Well, I even surprised myself.

All right, Sam.

Terry may stay over.

Yippee! I'm gonna go get all my toys out.

Thank you, Willis. Sure thing, Dad.

Oh, listen.

Since it's all right for Sam to have a girl sleepover, how about if I... Just

checking.

Mr. Drummond, I'm Ray Harris, Terry's father. We've got to talk.

Come in.

Is there a problem?

Oh, you bet there's a problem.

I'm doing the best I can to bring my daughter up right, and you pull this.

Pull what?

My daughter came to me and told me that you said it's okay for her to spend the

night here with some guy.

Listen, Mr. Harris, that guy is my son Sam, and he's eight years old.

These kids start so young these days.

Look, uh, Ray, I think you may be making a bigger deal out of this than it is.

Now you're starting to sound like my wife.

Well, I know what you're going through. There was a time when I thought the way

you do.

Seems like only moments ago.

Oh, that's my son.

That's Sam?

No, that's Willis.

Sam is only eight.

Listen.

It just could be that letting our kids sleep over could be a blessing.

A blessing?

What do you consider toxic waste dumps?

Now, look, Ray, your daughter and my son are good friends.

At their age, there's no difference between playing with army dolls and

sleepover.

But if you don't let her, she'll be asking questions, and you may have to

explaining to her about the birds and the bees.

I'm dreading that day.

That's really going to be murder on my wife.

Man, it's tough raising kids in the 80s. For all of us.

Well, what do you say?

Can Terry sleep over?

Only if they sleep in separate rooms. They won't buy it. I tried that.

Well, they will be in separate beds.

Agreed. And they sleep with the lights on and fully clothed.

Well, how about one nightlight and two pajamas?

Sounds good.

All right, Terry can sleep over.

I'm glad that's settled.

You're an open -minded guy.

Hey, Dad, you guys ought to catch this PBS special on India.

Did you know kids there get married at eight?

Express yourself!

Oh!

His classic style.

Meet Chicago Style.

The cleaning power of Tide now meets Dawn Stain Scrubbers. A powerful pre

-treating boost unlocks and removes tough stains even better than both the

leading regular detergent and leading pre -treater combined.

Because clean is never out of style.

New Tide with Dawn Stain Scrubbers. Your Tide is showing. That check you get

every month from a structured settlement as a result of a lawsuit or from an

annuity may not be enough to pay for all the bills that are piling up.

If you're having trouble making ends meet, it can feel like you're adrift in

sea of uncertainty.

You might think you're sunk, but now there's help.

Each tree can turn your structured settlement or annuity into cash today.

you can use to pay off debt, avoid foreclosure, pay bills, get a new house,

buy a new car.

Money does grow on trees. Call Peachtree to turn your future payments into

immediate cash when you need it most. Wherever you need help, Peachtree is

for you. The money from your structured settlement or annuity is yours. You

deserve to have it, and Peachtree can help you get it.

To find out more, call Peachtree today at 1 -800 -581 -1091.

That's 1 -800 -581 -1091, or log on to settlementfunding .com.

Life doesn't wait. Why should you?

Pick a city, any city. Then log on to Hotwire .com, where you'll find four

hotels at two -star prices.

When four -star hotels have unsold rooms, they use Hotwire to fill them.

So you get them at prices lower than any other travel site, guaranteed.

Like four stars in San Francisco, Travelocity price $189.

Hotwire price just $99. So pick a city, then get a four -star hotel at a two

-star price.

Hotwire .com.

H -O -T -W -I -R -E, Hotwire .com. Stay big on car rentals, too, from $13 .95 a

day. Want to get into a profession where you work with your hands?

UTI's the answer. With technician training for the automotive, motorcycle,

marine, and diesel industries. It's the smart choice for hands -on training.

UTI has done a very good job of putting together facilities that enable students

to show up and right off the bat start taking vehicles apart, start learning

hands -on. Get a head start and a hands -on career.

Call us or visit UTI .edu.

More top manufacturers choose UTI. See what it can mean to you at UTI .edu.

Looking for a career, not just a job?

UTI's the answer. With manufacturer -sponsored technician training for the

automotive, motorcycle, marine, and diesel industries.

These students can come out of school, and they can earn themselves an awful

of money. If you've got a career in mind that wants you to progress.

and make some real money at it, yeah, you're going to need some help. Call us

visit UTI .edu.

More top manufacturers choose UTI. See what it can mean to you at UTI .edu.

You put your body through its paces.

You try to make the right choices.

You fight the good fight every day.

You deserve a little help.

New Metabolife is a simple two -stage weight management program.

New formula with clinically tested ingredients that help curb hunger and

energy. Two stages to help you lose weight and manage your success.

Your life deserves a plan that works. Your life deserves Metabolife.

On the neck, Iron Ring.

Lil' John and Floyd make their final selection.

I got my three out of here.

All new Iron Ring tonight.

Finally, there's an answer to your hair loss and it doesn't involve expensive

weeds or wigs. At last, no more bonding, gluing, or risky home remedies.

Now, there's a money -back guaranteed way to regrow our very own hair.

Presenting Regrow from Empress Hair Care, the first company to create a hair

regrowth system specifically for African -American women that contains the FDA

-approved, clinically tested solution for hair loss. Not only has my hair

back, my mother's hair has started to grow now since she's been using Regrow.

stimulated that scalp, and that hair started to grow right through the bald

spots. Try the guaranteed way to regrow your hair and for free. Call now and ask

how you can get a free 30 -day supply.

You'll also receive our exclusive scalp moisturizer absolutely free. Regrow from

Empress Hair Care, the only way to grow. Call this number now or visit MyRegrow

.com. your free 30 -day supply, and free scalp moisturizer.

You're on BET.

Darn it.

Don't you get the feeling our father's acting strange today?

Well, parents are like that.

No, no, I mean even strange for parents.

Yeah.

You're right.

It all seemed to start when I told my father I wanted to sleep over.

That's when Mr. D started getting weird, too.

What do you think's wrong?

I don't know.

Well, maybe they'll think we'll do something bad, like start a fire.

They know we would never do anything like that.

Boy, then, I don't know.

I can never figure out parents.

My turn.

Listen, Phil, I'm sorry I've been acting a little crazy.

Oh, forget it. I have to admit I have been a little bit worried myself.

Well, I realize those kids have no idea of what we're worried about.

But they will in a few years.

All you can do is trust that you've given them a solid upbringing and that

will do what's right.

You know, I think our parents had it easier than us. Well, times were easier

then.

They didn't have cable television.

Kids watch things on cable these days that I had to join the army to see.

They grow up so fast today. It seems they go from 11 to 20 overnight.

Yeah, or from 8 to 20.

Why is it so quiet up there?

Look, you just have to relax.

It's late.

They're probably just getting ready for bed.

Hi, kids.

What are they doing?

Arm wrestling.

Do they have to touch?

They're getting weird again.

I wonder if it's a full moon. Hey,

kids. Time to get ready for bed.

Terry,

honey, what is that? And where is the rest of it?

That's all there is.

It's a nightie for my teddy.

Of course it's for your Teddy. It's for her, Teddy. I knew that. I knew that.

This is mine.

Oh, that's good.

Daddy, don't worry. I won't take my clothes off in front of a boy.

Did you hear that, Phil?

She's a good kid.

I'll change in the bathroom.

And I'll change out here.

Hey, can I give that guy a little privacy?

Oh, sure.

Sorry. Sleep well, Sam.

refrigerator.

Oh, right.

I hope no one catches us leaving the refrigerator.

First thing, we've got our super capes on.

We can fly back to the room.

They're just wondering what might be right for you.

They might be right for some, but many boys are mad at me.

Then along come two. They got nothing but the genes, and they got different

strokes. Different strokes.

is really getting old.

I mean, just once I'd like to be able to stay all night with you.

Well, I would love for you to stay, baby, but we can't risk waking Malcolm

You don't want to see what he look like in the middle of the night anyway.

Why? Why?

Wait. Kiss, kiss.

Ah,

I'm sorry. You know, Ed, I was looking for the sugar, but I see you already

found it.

No, this ain't what it looked like, man. No. Matter of fact, it's way away from

what it looked like.

Yeah, see, I've been helping Eddie lately down in the garage, and that's

were talking about.

Helping in the garage. So is that what you kids call it these days?

Look, Malcolm, this may come as a shock to you, but Eddie and I are lovers.

And I didn't want to keep it from you, but Eddie did.

Oh, well, that's okay, Nicolette. You know, you guys didn't exactly keep it

me. I haven't slept a wink from midnight till two since early spring.

Nicolette, I told you to keep it down.

Eddie, you the king.

Eddie, you the king.

Uh, Ed, it was mostly you, bro.

while you sit inside your home.

for a long time, man. You were not getting off easy with this neglected.

Look, man, I ain't saying it happened. I ain't saying it didn't happen.

But as my friend, I'm asking you to tell people it didn't happen.

You got it.

What's that smell?

It smell like real food in here for a change.

Oh, it's like that?

Yeah. You see, I'm doing some catering on the side.

My new chef, Simone, is straight out of the culinary arts school.

Aren't you a little old to be picking up girls from school?

Oh, Malcolm, you've got to try one of these.

Yellowfin tuna with a mango chutney sauce.

You know, I had that for breakfast.

I think I'll have it again.

Is your name Malcolm?

It's his palate I want to excite.

Oh, this is delicious.

Well, it should be delicious. That tuna is $56 a pound.

$56 a pound.

Look, you need to talk to Hector.

Hector's got a cousin in the fish market.

Matter of fact, Hector's got cousins in every market.

Eddie, can I speak to you for a moment?

Whoa. This relationship is deeper than I thought. You guys actually talk.

It ain't no mighty mouth.

Look, I haven't told anybody except Malcolm.

Hello, Nicolette.

You two have many happy years together.

Boy, that Malcolm has a big mouth.

Sir, I tellin' you every detail about my sex life, and I gotta hear about yours

on the street.

Nigga, why don't you just put it on the internet?

www .eddyandnigga .com What's the

name of your cousin who works in the fish market?

I got a lot of cousins, bro.

Do you want fresh water or salt?

I'll go with salt.

That would be Reynaldo.

Now, he's stinky like a halibut, but he's a good man.

Eddie, can I ask you something?

Will you be my escort at the police academy mixer this Saturday night?

Saturday night?

Nigga, let don't nobody go out on Saturday nights no more. That's those

Now, don't think of it as no. Just think of it as not yes.

I gotta go to work. But don't think of it that I'm gone.

Just think that I'm not here.

Give me a vodka tonic.

Hold the tonic.

Cadet Vandross.

Good afternoon, Lieutenant Proctor, sir. I have no idea how that drink got

there, and even if I ordered it, I certainly wouldn't drink it, sir.

At ease, cadet. You're not on duty. Enjoy your cocktail.

Are you sure, sir? I am.

And by the way, you don't have to call me Sir Nicolette.

May I call you Nicolette?

Well, only if I can call you Sir, sir.

It's like looking in a funhouse mirror.

Nicolette, as your commander in office, I want you to know you're under no

obligation, but...

I came to ask if you would accompany me to the police academy mixer this

Saturday night.

Lieutenant Proctor, I'm very flattered, but I'm also very confused and a little

conflicted. I mean, so many emotions at once. Joy, frustration, self -doubt,

apprehension, euphoria.

But you're probably looking for something more in the area of yes or no,

Better be nice.